I'd like feedback on my Hub: New Zealand Flightless Birds

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   Elsie Hagleyposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub New Zealand Flightless Birds. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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      Venkatachari Mposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      I see it is a very good article with so many amazing details of flightless birds, which nobody can think of.
      Perhaps, you may change the title a little bit. How about "Fascinating facts on New Zealand Kiwis and other flightless birds" because your focus is much on Kiwis?
      And you may split the lengthy capsules into two capsules. Further you may take some ideas from the related hubs that were chosen as EC as shown at the bottom of your hub in sidebar.
      You are competent enough to make some slight changes and get it featured again. Wish you all the best.

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         goegoposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         I agree with V- it's all about key words and the more action you can pack into the title the better, great advice to change it I think

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   Marisa Wrightposted 8 years ago

   First of all, do not link to Wikipedia, especially in your first few paragraphs.  If the best source of information you know is Wikipedia, that suggests to your readers that you don't know much about your subject (because if you did, you'd be aware of expert sites specialising in that topic). 
   
   Second, the link is irrelevant - your subject is flightless birds of New Zealand,not flightless birds in general.  What you're saying is, "I'm going to write about this but if you want to know more about that, visit this site."  That's a tangential link and not allowed - it may even be why you failed QAP.
   
   If you feel people need to know what a flightless bird is, tell them briefly, perhaps in a callout capsule - if they really want to delve into it as a subject, they'll find Wikipedia all by themselves!
   
   I feel you need to rearrange the information.  You start talking about the kiwi before the section on Kiwis - that looks odd, especially as you have an Amazon ad there as well.  Also the description on the Amazon capsule tells me nothing about the book - tell me why it's a good book, please, that's what the description is for.   Move that paragraph and the Amazon ad down somewhere in the "Kiwi" section.
   
   Each section contains dry factual information about the bird, which sound as though it's been taken straight from a textbook - that may have led the QAP team to suspect it's not original enough.
   
   Instead, could you start the description with something that shows you have personal experience of these birds, or something that will bring the bird to life for the reader - e.g., for the kiwi you could start with  "In the thick Bush where I live in Okoki Taranaki, NZ, I am very lucky as I hear the kiwi calling out at dusk, and just recently they have been calling out in the early morning."   
   
   It is fairly easy to find good birdwatching videos on Youtube, it would be worth adding one for each bird (not the extinct ones obviously!). 
   
   One more note - when I saw the picture of the duck I thought you'd gone off topic, because surely a duck can fly?  Then I read the text and discovered it can't - but a lazy QAP worker may have jumped to a conclusion.  I'd suggest putting the fact that it's lost the power of flight right at the beginning of the description.

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      Venkatachari Mposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Good reply, Marissa. I appreciate your going deep into the details and the links also and offer some great tips here. Now, I feel Elsie should have no problem in editing it.

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      goegoposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Deleted
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         theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         No. Start your own thread.

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            goegoposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Ok sorry

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      Elsie Hagleyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks everyone for your help.
      Marissa, you have given me very helpful information.
      This hub was featured until yesterday when I updated it to cover the terrible story about shooters killing four Takahe birds, wished I had never updated it as I was getting views, it even had a red arrow beside it, now it's unfeatured.

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