"Something women are looking for"

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   Anthony Nanceposted 10 years ago

   My age may give you pause for those older then I, but I advice you to read along and see if I have a point.
   I am only 22 but I have a mind capable of discerning many things, it's probably thanks to my being raised in a house full of women. I am using this discussion to make a decision so please help me decide.
   
   There is something women are looking for and you may be asking yourself, " what are women looking for?"  I want you to know your answers given in deep thought. I want to know what it is women are looking for in your own words. This is strictly for increasing one another's knowledge on the subject. I'm writing this as a way to pick your brains to see if my answer is valid. Again I advice you not to take my age to heart and open your mind and  give the best answer you can think of.

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      Silverspeederposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      More time...................
      
      To be with their partner/children
      To do their work
      To be with friends
      To be alone
      To dream

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         Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I like your answer it gives another aspect of life. I was thinking more along the lines of a relationship. But it is true women are looking for a lot of things, but what are they looking for in relation to love.

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            Silverspeederposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            As a man I would never presume to know or understand what a woman requires from a relationship, I am sure I would be bludgeoned by the hot breath of millions of women telling me to get lost.

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               Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               I understand that and you are right that is a large number. But if you think about all the women who turn to online dating. My answer to my own question is women want a romance. They want relationship that is more friendship with the added benefits of being lovers. Women aren't so hard to figure out. Just like my article I wrote on hear. All you really have to do is listen to then.

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                  MelissaBarrettposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  Every single woman wants the same thing? Good to know. My having absolutely no desire for "romance" obviously means I'm not a woman.

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                     Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                     Hmmm. I was waiting for a woman's input and I must say I'm glad you were so honest. I understand that my view point may be one sided, which is why I seek to expand it. You have reminded me that some women are perfectly fine without a romance. I'm one of those guys who are seeking to understand something most guys can't. So thank you you have given me the answer to my undecided question.

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                        psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                        If you really mean: how do I get in a sexual relationship with a woman?--You might start by considering each one as an individual.

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                           Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                           Yeah that is a valid point. I just talk to many women on my blog who mostly have the want for a man to be more than his profile picture on a dating website  I've heard women say they are turning gay cause men just don't treat them right. So I'm trying to understand why they feel like that.

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                              psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                              If you want sensible interactions with women talk to them face to face.
                              
                              And if anyone seriously suggests having trouble finding a man is making them lesbian--stop talking to them because they probably have a screw loose.

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               Greg Deanposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Silverspeeder makes a great point worth weighing in on. Men are afraid of the collective woman-speak. As he quotes, " I am sure I would be bludgeoned by the hot breath of millions of women telling me to get lost."
               
               I believe this is common in our society.
               
               I believe an intelligent woman recognises the muzzle has been put on men and sees they walk on egg shells and I think women want men to not bottle things up because of fear and rejection.
               
               I believe that good women should lose themselves in their empathy and not expect so much of men, considering the simple things we expect in return.
               
               I cannot generalise with women. like men, we are all so different.
               
               The more collectively we group a certain race or gender together, the more afraid we become of them and the more we feel we can disrespect them. It is when we continue to meet individuals who are different from the group we stereotyped that we begin to question our beliefs on the world.

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                  Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

                  I love this reply. You have given me much food for thought. Thank you for allowing me to pick your brain. Everyone's points are over valued and show that by putting together our heads we can come up with a universal answer.
                  
                  Thank you sir you are a wise soul

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      tsmogposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      fulfillment

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         Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Yes excellent answer.

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      dashingscorpioposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      My advice is to let go of the "gender" think box.
      Every woman is a unique woman just as every man is a unique man.
      What turns one person "on" turns another person "off". Some women like red roses and some women don't. The list goes on and on.
      
      One of the problems we have in our society is no one wants to spend time getting to know the "individual" anymore! We want to find gender "shortcuts"  and say things like "women are looking for this or that"  instead of (communicating) with the woman we are interested in and finding out what (she) wants or likes!
      
      It's human nature to want to feel "special" and one of the best ways to make someone feel special is by taking the time to genuinely get to know (them). The best way to find out what a woman wants is to ask her!

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         Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Yes!  This. 

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      retief2000posted 10 years agoin reply to this

      We pin all expectation for a successful relationship on what the other person does or says.  We look outside of ourselves for fulfillment.  We fail to realize that how we are treated and how we treat others begins, entirely, with us.  If we are not the right person, we cannot find the right person who will be a partner in our successful relationship, together.  It all begins and ends with what we bring, not what they bring.  You must know you are worthy of a successful relationship, without delusions, self lies or self doubts.  It is kind of a Zen thing, when you are ready it will be.

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      chamarie33posted 8 years agoin reply to this

      If you mean in a relationship...these are the things I want...
      
      1) romance
      2) mutual interests
      3) time and attention
      4) more acceptance for my imperfect traits
      5) acceptance of my children and love for them
      6) support for my music career
      7) faithfulness
      8) a generally good attitude toward me despite my flaws
      9) Attraction

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         1. Give yourself the things on your list first.
         2. Feel your inner beauty; appreciate your outer beauty.
         3. Bloom like a flower for yourself. Wo does not love a flower?
         4. Be an example of how to love your children.
         5. Also realize no one will be able to follow your example 100%. Perhaps you will attract someone who can at least admire how much you love your children.
         Good luck!

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

   In a relationship itself, they might want someone who will be interested in them and be supportive of their ideas and to basically supply what their fathers never could.
   
   They want their opposite sex friend to have strength, common sense, and wisdom. They want him to be accepting and loyal... Never ever thinking or looking at another woman for the rest of their days.
   Ever Ever Ever.
   If a man cannot handle this kind of commitment or pressure, do not marry a woman. Especially do not have sex with her.
   And, of course, step away from the eggs.

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      Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I like this reply it keeps women informed to never lower their standards and allow a man to steal something from them. A woman is everything that heart says she is giving that away needlessly is giving away her existence.

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         Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         She is "everything that heart says."  She has that to give: her existence.
         
         I send Thank Yous from my heart for sharing this understanding here.

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   Motown2Chitownposted 10 years ago

   Unfortunately, there is no pat answer to what women want in a relationship, because contrary to popular belief, all women are different....and thus want different things.
   
   I want consistency.  I want a man to do what he says he'll do.  I want honesty.  I want someone who is as content to be with me in private while I'm in pajamas as he is to be with me in public when I'm all gussied up.  I want a man to be as willing to be with me when I'm an emotional mess as he is when I'm strong and stable and have the world at my feet.  BUT...I want a man to expect those same things from me and hold me accountable when I act as though our relationship is some sort of one way street.  I could do without any sort of romance for a man who will get up early to walk the dogs so I can sleep in a bit. 
   
   

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      Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      My main reason for starting this thread was to see where I needed to improve my view-point. I understand all women are different and the reason I say romance is because it means everything that has  been said. Romance is a man who loves his woman no matter the state of her makeup, or if her hair is a hot mess. Romance is waking up earlier to cook breakfast and shovel the snow from the door way. I say romance because it's the only thing as poet I can't describe with one word. But I see now one word is not enough, so thank you for your input I'm learning a lot from your insight.

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         Motown2Chitownposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Fair enough.  Lemme rephrase.  I don't need flowers and wine and rose petals falling from the sky romance.    You might be surprised at how many women will say that's just not something they need or desire.  Somewhere along the line, society has convinced men that those things are romantic - and some woman too, to be fair.  But - maybe rather than calling a love relationship a romance, we should try calling it an intimate partnership.  Ultimately, the ones that work would be better defined by those words, IMO.

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            Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Very true I don't consider romance to be chocolates and flowers, to me it's the effort to understand one another deeply. Romance is a friendship deeper than a lovers bond. We laugh, we play, we tell each other our secrets. In each others eyes a trust and as you say 'partnership' is the only thing we see. We confide in each other and know how to have a connection with our clothed on.
            
            I'm loving this discussion everyone is so insightful.

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   Beth37posted 10 years ago

   Most ppl fall under one of 5 categories when it comes to how they most feel loved. The Five Love Languages:
   1. Quality Time
   2. Gifts
   3. Acts of Service
   4. Physical Touch
   5. Words of Affirmation
   
   (Mine is quality time.) When determining what will most move the person you love, you must know what their emotional needs are. It's a great idea for you and your loved one to take this test and see where you qualify on the list.
   
   http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

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      MelissaBarrettposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      I wouldn't rely on that thought process/ self-help program too much. It has been shown to be a huge failure. It essentially is a tit-for-tat set up that most often turns women into prostitutes-giving sexual favors in order to get quality time.
      
      I know churches use it a lot, but as far as actual help in the real world, it's a failure.

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Just one more thing we will disagree on then. It's simply a good test to figure out what means the most to you personally. Have the last word.

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            MelissaBarrettposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            Wasn't arguing, just giving warning to anyone who might take it seriously.

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   psycheskinnerposted 10 years ago

   Keeping in mind that not all people (women included) are romantically inclined at all, including those who are sexual only or asexual/aromantic.

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   Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

   Whether they admit it or not, romance is very vital and can be considered a major aspect of human creativity. The problem is when the man forgets to be creative or stops responding to his woman's creativity in and out of the bedroom.. Then the woman slips into doldrums. That is the worst… doldrums.
   "The doldrums are also noted for calm periods when the winds disappear altogether, trapping sail-powered boats for periods of days or weeks. The term appears to have arisen in the 18th century – when cross-Equator sailing voyages became more common."
   TWISI

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   Anthony Nanceposted 10 years ago

   I started this thread to see the thought process of the hubpage family. Romance to me is not the love given or recieved it is knowing what each other needs to feel happy. Being in a relationship romance is needed in the way you cuddle, the way you say each other's name like you know it's origin. Men have many things they find attractive as well as women, as a poet romance is every couples desire.
   
   Romance is what you define it to be, what you create romance to be. Every man/woman wants a romance, but no one wants the same romance. Your romance needs to be akin to winter snowflakes numerous in their design, not a one the same. Each of you who have commented have given me the answers I was looking for.
   
   What are women and men looking for in a relationship?  A romance that they themselves have designed with their partner. Romance is not preset it is build from scratch, and into something unique to you. 
   
   Your answers have defined what romance is to you and that is the answer I wanted. I wanted your own unique answer cause that is romance. It is the creativity of a love built between two hearts connected by love they grew together as one. Thank you all for your replies.

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      psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Actually, no.  Many do.  Some don't--for various reasons.

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         Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         So your saying there are people in the world who don't desire their own type of romance or love? If so can you please explain why you feel that way, I'm very curious

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            psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality
            
            See specifically "aromantic"

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               Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

               That's very interesting, thank you.

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   Anthony Nanceposted 10 years ago

   Im glad you agree lol I was a little scared I got myself into some hot water.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      (Anthony, I really think the romance thing is heavily influenced by hormones. The typical person is influenced by percolating hormones affecting the desires and behaviors of him or her. We may find that the untypical may have anomalies in the hormone production within the body.  Modern society seems to be very concerned for the rights of the non-typical. The Way I See It.
      Good luck with your research.)

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         Anthony Nanceposted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you I only want to increase my knowledge so I can better express myself in a way everyone can relate. I feel that by picking each others brain we can come up with a bigger picture. Every one was very helpful I learned a lot.

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   Dave36posted 10 years ago

   Go on then just for a laugh i'll have a bash at this, no offence to any women on here as i do love women!lol....Anyway i reckon a woman wants a real man, & a real man know's where he's going in life....A real man is strong as far as emotions/feelings, & he will have passions in life that don't revolve around the opposite sex....So a real man would be hard to "catch", as he's very busy doing stuff he loves doing....A real man doesn't need a partner to define him, as what he does defines him....I do know that all women are different, & they will find different things attractive in different men....But i'm pretty sure a woman won't want a man chasing them about trying to date them, instead they should want to chase him....So a real man is confident, busy, emotionally/mentally strong, busy, charming, busy, exciting, & "hard" to find!....Most men nowadays are "WHIMPS" as far as women are concerned, because their not real men!lol....We call them "hen pecked Ken's" in the UK, & they do everything their Mrs says their to do through fear of being alone.....Now who would want a guy or girl, that does everything their partner says their to do?....Same for women by the way, they should be doing the same as what i say the men should be doing.

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      Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      So Barbies are henpecking their Kens in Britain?
      Probably due to frustrating sex with their ill-equipped Kens.
      I'm sure it is happening here too.

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         Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Yep it's the women that have the power now over men in the UK Kathryn, & all my mates do is moan about them behind their backs!lol

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            retief2000posted 10 years agoin reply to this

            I just recently came to the conclusion that women simply are not worth the trouble.  It is better to be alone than miserable with a woman.  There is little other way to be unless one willingly castrates himself.

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               Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

               That's the wrong conclusion buddy, although you are right about it's better being single than being with a person that makes us miserable..It doesn't matter how many bad relationships you've had, that has no bearing at all on the next girl you meet..If it does then you have to work on yourself more, & find out why you went with the wrong girls in the first place..So don't judge all women by the one's that you've already been with, do only what you love to do & she'l appear out of nowhere..But what ever you do don't go looking for her, find what you love to do & the rest will work like magic.

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      psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

      Um, I like quiet men who have no trouble doing more "feminine" activities.  Especially if being a "wimp" means being non-violent.

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         Beth37posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         I like a man who'll watch a Jane Austin movie with me.

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         Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Be honest then girls would you like a partner that does everything you say their to do, whenever you say their to do it?..(hen pecked Ken)..OR, do you want a real man that does what he wants to do when he wants to do it?, otherwise how would you know if he really wants to be with you..Unless both parties are free to come & go as they please, they'l never know if their with them because they want to be or if it's because they have to.

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         Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

         Just to clarify psycheskinner when i say whimp, it does not mean anything to do with violence....I would never condone a man being violent to anyone or anything, especially to someone he professes to love....A real man is in control always, but if he's not happy with his partner he tells her....ie He's not scared to call her out on something he's not happy about, & that's the same for the girls.

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            psycheskinnerposted 10 years agoin reply to this

            And how is a real man in control always if the woman tries to take the initiative?  "In control always" either mens a woman consenting to be submissive--which some of us have *zero* interest in doing, or violence.  So if you feel all real men are always in control....
            
            I'll take a "fake" man thank you very much.  One who will accept me as an equal partner in all decisions.

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               Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

               Always in control of his feelings mate not his partner, & it should be the same for the woman..No one should be forced to do something they don't want to do, the man or the woman..So if i did something my girlfriend wanted me to do, but i didn't want to do it & she knew i didn't want to do it, that would make me a "fake" man..If i found out that my girlfriend was doing something with me that she didn't want to do, i would be annoyed that she didn't discuss it with me..So we always negotiate, & we "never" compromise..I know many men who are told what to wear by their girlfriend, because it's what she wants him to wear, & vise versa..So the guy is being changed into something he's not, meaning he's a fake man a "hen pecked ken"..I should have said "in control of his emotions/feelings", & not scared to tell his partner. (same for the woman)..That's why the average relationship in the UK is 2.5 years, as that's on average how long a couple who aren't really in love bothers trying to change each other..Then they usually give up trying, because either one or both we're pretending to be what their not..ie "fake".

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    Greg Deanposted 10 years ago

    I'm not into generalising.
    
    So here is what I as a man am looking for:
    
    A feminine, graceful, healthy looking woman with a friendly, sweet, youthful aura who never man-bashes, claims to be a feminist, who is charming, gives me butterflies, has a great sense of humour, is supportive, affectionate, loving, who treats her man like a sanctuary, not an emotional punching bag, who is kinaesthetic and not only thinks for the future but helps me live in the now.
    
    What does she get from me?
    
    The same but in polarity, like two magnets drawn to each other.

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       Dave36posted 10 years agoin reply to this

       GOOD LUCK BUDDY!, your'l need it!haha

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    Kathryn L Hillposted 10 years ago

    Women want someone to be a friend. Some one who will accept them 100% and show kindness with absolute consistency. They want someone who does not ridicule EVER or put down EVER or criticize EVER or lord over them EVER! They do not want to be expected to work a 9 to 5 job and then come home to NO dinner. (The person home from work first should make dinner or at least have it started.) Many men want the woman to work AND do the laundry, the dishes AND clean the house.
    Is it too much to ask for consistent kindness, consideration and respect?

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