“Your third cup of coffee,” said the coffeemaker, “More than two cups is not good for you.”
“You are fat,” said the refrigerator.
“You are above the speed limit,” said the car, “Accelerator disengaged per VC 11223344.”
“You are 2 hours, 13 minutes, and 41 seconds late,” said the door scanner, “All appropriate personnel have been notified.”
“Please contact Human Resources,” said voicemail 37.
“She will be with you in a moment.”
“Please sign here. Security will escort you.”
“Will you be returning today?" inquired the parking lot scanner.
“You are home early today,” intoned the door scanner, “You have nine new messages.”
“Due to your no longer having direct deposit, your account is now subject to a $20/month surcharge.”
“Due to a change in your employment status, your insurance rates have been adjusted accordingly.”
“Your credit line has been reduced to the level of your current balance.”
“Your credit line has been reduced to the level of your current balance.”
“Your credit line has been reduced to the level of your current balance.”
“Hi. This is the veterinary's office. Spot is ready for pick up. Please be prepared to pay your bill in cash.”
“Your unemployment benefits have been approved.”
“Your food stamps have been approved.”
Your Medicare has been approved.”
A nap seems to be in order...