Help to spot errors in my article" An Entity with a False Identity"

1. 83

   Salma Hassaballaposted 6 years ago

   Hi Hubbers, I have received an email from Hubpages regarding my article "An entity with a False Identity"  it says that it is eligible to be moved to a vertical domain if I fix text formatting and the spelling/grammar problems and they advised me to have an extra pair of eyes on my writing to spot those missed errors. The link to the article is:
   https://hubpages.com/politics/An-Entity … e-Identity
   Thank you all

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   1. 95

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Hello Salma,
      
      Fascinating hub, and a radical (excuse the term) point of view. You made some interesting points and it certainly made me think.
      
      The problems as I see them:
      
      The title doesn't reflect the content. Your title is what appears in search engine results, so it needs to tell the searcher what the article is about. In a print magazine, your title would be excellent. It just doesn't work for online.
      
      The first image, although I realise why you used it, also doesn't reflect the content.
      
      The video is not working and has probably been removed from YouTube.
      
      Hope that helps and that your hub gets moved.

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      1. 83

         Salma Hassaballaposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you for your comments which are very useful, thank you for informing me that the video has been taken down,  i am glad that you find the article fascinating and I am interested to know why you find it radical,  I will also appreciate if you can highlight any formatting or grammatical/spelling errors as these types of errors where addressed in the review.

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2. 92

   Sherry Hewinsposted 6 years ago

   One think I noticed is that your title and your sub titles do not use title case. HP is very picky about that. I don't know if that would b e enough to keep it from being moved.
   
   I see a few other errors. Under # 2, last sentence. "Entire families - that were shopping and socializing after breaking the Ramadan fast at sunset - were gone in a blink. [3]
   
   Entire families who were shopping and socializing after breaking the Ramadan fast at sunset were gone in a blink.
   
   No need for the dashes.
   
   First paragraph in # 3 - "Filming the beheading of victims runs contrary to logical thinking; for as we know, perpetrators would usually quickly hide any trace of their crime to appear innocent."
   
   Inappropriate use of  semi-colon. I'd put  "Filming the beheading of victims runs contrary to logical thinking. Perpetrators would usually quickly hide any trace of their crime to appear innocent.
   
   These are minor problems. I'm surprised HP didn't just edit your hub and fix them for you. I hope you get things fixed up and get your article published. This is important information from an under reported viewpoint.

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   1. 83

      Salma Hassaballaposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you Sherry, your comment helps a lot!

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