Asking for Additional Eyes, Please.

1. 86

   paperfacetsposted 6 years ago

   Network editor added "Network Sites should demonstrate a good command of the English language with appropriately chosen words and readable sentences."
   
   Plus: Please proofread it for spelling and grammar and it will make a great fit on FeltMagnet.
   
   I don't want to blow my chances. What do you see needs correcting? I already deleted some unneeded details.
   
   https://hubpages.com/art/tea-bag-foldin … -beginners

   replyreport
   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      young people ////I suggest you delete this phrase as children are used in the first of this sentence.
      e.g. children would also enjoy  . . .that is all I found.

      replyreport
   2. 83

      Venkatachari Mposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      First of all, I was confused with the title itself. I don't know whether it is okay. I thought the hub was about making Tea Bags. On research, I found that it refers to a craft known as teabag folding art. So, adding that word of Craft or Art may be more appealing to the title.
      
      Now, coming to the Second paragraph, Kenneth already suggested something. I would say to make it beginners instead of young people and add the words "this art or craft" after 'would enjoy learning' to fit the title.
      
      You may give suitable titles to the images to make it more clear and appealing.
      
      The video title may be termed as Gluing the medallion Part One, Part Two- like that instead of the "easy paper medallion".
      
      You may review the whole hub like this and make it more interesting and clearcut.

      replyreport
2. 86

   paperfacetsposted 6 years ago

   Thank you Kenneth and Venkatachari,
   Every improvement is is a plus. I am going over it with another fine toothed rack.
   Sherry

   replyreport
   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      paperfactets:
      You are welcome, but when I read the post from  Venkatachari, it is obvious that he knows more about editing than I do.
      Take care.

      replyreport
      1. 83

         Venkatachari Mposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Kenneth, I am humbled by your words. I do not know more. It is only my reasoning of possible options that might be available to make it better. Somebody may suggest even better options than these ones.
         But, I will be glad if the hub gets featured.

         replyreport
3. 86

   paperfacetsposted 6 years ago

   I changed the title and put captions in all the photos and reworked more sentences. The first video has over 11,000 views on YouTube. I changed the title of the video in YouTube, as well. I hope it has more views after my Hub gets into FeltMagnet.
   Here goes the resubmit.

   replyreport
4. 82

   Health Reportsposted 6 years ago

   Grammar edit suggestions (add this word or punctution) underlined=remove this word
   
   Tea bag folding is fun(,) and young people would (will) enjoy learning (to design) and giving these paper crafts to friends and relatives.
   
   or you could say:
   Tea bag folding is fun! Young people enjoy learning how to design them, and enjoy gifting these paper crafts to friends and relatives.
   
   The (type of) fold in this lesson is a simple origami square base. I will show (you) how the completed medallion can be used for birthday or Thank You cards. (Each example in this tutorial) Make(s) four cards ( ; ) and keep them in a box and use when needed.
   
   Enjoy the(se) easy paper craft instructions(,) and the time spent with children in your household or classroom.

   replyreport
   1. 83

      Venkatachari Mposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      These are some good suggestions which I expected from people like you.

      replyreport
5. 86

   paperfacetsposted 6 years ago

   Thanks Health Reports,
   I will use some of these suggestions!
   Sherry

   replyreport