Childfree , 1-Child Families

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   gmwilliamsposted 6 years ago

   
   Is there still residual prejudice, even discrimination against childfree & 1-child families although the percentage of such families are increasing?

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Yes, SADLY there is. However, in the postmodern 21st century, childfree families are increasing while 1-child families will be the norm instead of the exception as lifespans and education levels increase.  With the increasing modern technology and social networks, multichild families are decreasing as people realize that there is nothing wrong with stopping at 1 child.  As women's levels of education increase, so will 1-child families. With varied social networks, children really do not need siblings for companionship.  Such an idea is totally atavistic.

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2. 95

   wildernessposted 6 years ago

   Although it's rather sad to deny a child any siblings, any real "family", I haven't seen any discrimination of people that do so.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      It isn't sad to "deny" children siblings.  Such an idea is passe.   Siblings are becoming an outmoded concept with all the various associations.   Children don't need siblings to thrive.  There are cousins, even friends.   Siblings in fact can do irreparable damage to children.  Many children are harmed emotionally & psychologically by having siblings. 
      
      Family consists of people who love & respect each other, regardless of blood.  There are non-blood members who are closer & kinder than blood relatives.  Get with the current century.  Siblings & large families are thankfully becoming EXTINCT.  Siblings are totally unnecessary in this postmodern period.   Soon, 1-child families will be the norm instead of the exception. Yes by your synopsis, there is STILL residual prejudice against childfree & particularly, 1-child families.

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      1. 95

         wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Yes, siblings are becoming outmoded in the vast pursuit of the almighty dollar - far better to have the money for a new bicycle than to have someone who loves you, will always have your back, and will stay in your life forever. 
         
         But then, parents are becoming outmoded, too, as it is no longer worth the effort to work out marital problems rather than have single parent children.  You have to be aware that huge numbers of children are created with no intent of ever living with the other parent.

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         1. 85

            gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Oh c'mon, siblings cause drama- nobody hates more.  Siblings are the first turncoats in families.  Children get into trouble w/parents because of siblings.   Siblings can turn on you in an instant.  Stop living in fairyland-stating that siblings have one's back & is there for you- give me a break.
            
            
            Have you heard of sibling rivalry?  Yes, it does exist.  Have you heard of preferential treatment?  Yes, oldest children are treated like crap, middle children are ignored while the youngest gets the glory.   Siblings- no thanks.  So glad to be an only child.  No sibling inference- I was free to create & develop freely & creatively.   Oh yes, when children have siblings- they are CONSTANTLY COMPARED to them & must compete with them.  It is so better to be an only child, valued & encouraged to be an individual than to be part of a cog where there is no individuality.   Only children have FAR MORE MYRIAD opportunities than children w/siblings.  Remember: children w/siblings will be working for only children because the latter DON'T have the myriad educational & socioeconomic advantages that only children have.  I am an unapologetic only child & d***** proud of it!

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            1. 95

               wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Sorry, but I have 4 siblings.  My son has 5 in the house.  And I've personally experienced siblings and watched them.  Only those with siblings can possibly understand the immense bond between sibs - a bond that has nothing to do with the fussing and feuding that you think is all there is because you have experienced nothing else.  Your barrage of threads about the evils of siblings are proof of that - you haven't a clue when it comes to sibling love, and value money more than love as a result of that lack.

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               1. 85

                  gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  Not everyone has siblings.  They are doing fine.  You seem to have a prejudice against only children which is sad.  There is nothing wrong w/only children.  Only children are some of the finest people around.  Not everyone wants to have multiple children.  There are parents who are quite happy w/having only one child. 
                  
                  I have experience infighting through my relatives & friends.  They hated it and felt that I was lucky.  My father hated his siblings & wanted nothing to do with them.  He felt that only children were the luckiest children in the world & planned accordingly.  My mother's siblings only contacted her when they wanted something.  My second cousins, one of 10, seldom interfaced w/each other.  However, we cousins who are only children are IN CONSTANT contact w/each other.  We call each other every day. SO THERE! Get off the premise of so-called sibling love.  Now, you are talking pure ***********.

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                  1. 95

                     wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                     The plot thickens; your father had a bad sibling experience and transmitted it to you.  Unfortunate, wasn't it?

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               2. 84

                  psycheskinnerposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  While I and many others who had siblings spend most of our childhood wishing we didn't.  You can't go from what happened for you to assuming any other experience is bad and wrong. Abusive behavior between siblings does happen, as does complete indifference.

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         2. 69

            Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            That’s awfully pessimistic.
            
            Personally speaking, our decision not to have more than one is not financially motivated at all and more to do with the fact that we simply do not want more kids.  I think your comments so far about lacking siblings have been a little dramatic and as an only child I can attest to the fact that I am not short on love or close relationships with people in my family.  I’m sure having siblings is great but I certainly don’t feel deprived of anything because I don’t have any, and my childhood and relationship with my parents was great in its own way that it wouldn’t have been with siblings.

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            1. 95

               wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               Would you have more love in our life if there were more intimate people in it?  Hard to say "No" to that.

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               1. 69

                  Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                  So... am I supposed to have another child I don’t want just so that my daughter has a sibling? You think that’s a good enough reason to purposely bring an unwanted child into the world?

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                  1. 95

                     wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                     Of course not.  If you feel you won't love a second child, then don't have one!  If you feel that you cannot afford one (as opposed to preferring a Mercedes over a Ford) then don't have one! 
                     
                     But if your priority is having more money to play with, perhaps you should examine those priorities.  Personally, I think 2 is just right; a single child misses out on a lot as does a child where the age gap is too large; two of my sibs are so much younger that there was very little contact as children.  As adults I can appreciate them, but a kid with a brother that's 12 or 15 years younger wants nothing to do with them.

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                     1. 85

                        gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                        You do not have a right to tell Aime how many children she should have.  She is happy with one child.  Again, not every person wants 2 or more children.  They are people who are quite happy with having one child.  You are entirely prejudiced against only children, very sad indeed.

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                        1. 95

                           wildernessposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                           Good thing I didn't do that, isn't it?  Just give some pointers that I think should be considered and valuable.
                           
                           But seems to me that you're on record yourself, over and over and over, as advocating a minimum of children so there would be more "play" money.  Ironic, isn't it, that you now say I have no right to suggest that if a child won't be loved it shouldn't be (intentionally) conceived?

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                           1. 85

                              gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

                              If a person desires to have 1 child, that is HIS/HER business, not yours. It is apparent that you are extremely prejudiced against only children & parents of only children.    You have proven this post that there is STILL RESIDUAL prejudice against 1-child families.   Not everyone wants multiple children, when will you realize this?!   I realize that it is hard for you to comprehend this.
                              
                              Also let me add that loving a child means giving the child the VERY BEST opportunities culturally, educationally, & socioeconomically.  It is not bringing a child into an animal-like, impoverished existence.  Parents who love their children do these things.  Parents who claim or profess to love their children do not have MORE children than they can afford.  They don't condemn their children into a poverty, uphill, neverending struggling existence which is no better than an animal's existence.  Comprende?
                              
                              Since you detest 1-child families, how do you REALLY feel about childfree families? Would love to hear your views on that.......

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            2. 85

               gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000!

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3. 69

   Aime Fposted 6 years ago

   I’ve seen people say “well I don’t really want more kids but I don’t want my first to be an only child...” and I find it ridiculous that societal expectations are making people think about having kids that they don’t actually want.  Being an only child is not some terrible disadvantage that destines someone to be lonely and without meaningful family relationships.  Not to mention there are siblings who don’t even speak to one another or get along at all so having another kid doesn’t guarantee anyone anything.
   
   I have one and I don’t want any more.  I feel that my family is complete and if I found out I was pregnant today I quite honestly would be miserable.  I’m happy to be able to give my daughter 100% of my love and attention and it gives all of us a little bit more freedom to do what we want. 
   
   I get the “oh but it’s kind of sad she won’t have siblings” comments all the time and honestly I find it to be quite rude.  To suggest that I’m depriving her of something when I literally give her all that I have is insulting. 
   
   I’m an only child and I feel that whatever I missed out on growing up by not having siblings, I gained in other ways.  Being an only child has pros and cons, just as having siblings does.  The only people who need to decide which pros outweigh the cons are the ones having the kids, everyone else should keep their comments to themselves.
   
   As for people who don’t want kids, I totally understand.  Some people are content living adult lives and don’t enjoy the company of children and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I’m not really sure what people get out of telling childless couples that they’re missing out on something or will regret not having kids one day, but again, comments about other people’s family planning (or lack of) don’t need to be expressed unless they were asked to share.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000-I totally concur w/you, Aime.   In my estimation, children really don't need siblings to flourish.  In fact, children who don't have siblings have the highest self-esteem as there is no infighting & other complaints between siblings.  Studies show that siblings can do psychological damage to children.  With siblings, there is vying for parental attention & favoritism.   Then there is preferential or disparate treatment based upon birth order. 
      
      Studies furthermore show that many parents had two children so that their first child won't be an only child.  There is so much stigma against only children which explains the paradigm that children should have siblings.   However, in the postmodern era, siblings are totally unnecessary as children have varied social avenues when they can mingle & interface w/other children.  Also, not having siblings make children reach out to other children, gaining new perspectives.  Children who have siblings, particularly lots of siblings, tend to become insular & even parochial as their main associations are with other siblings, not blood-related children.  I have seen this firsthand, children w/siblings tend not to want to mingle w/other children but stick within the familial circle.  This is evident in children from large families-they have no outside friends nor interests.
      
      Part II
      As for childfree couples, they are quite content with their lives.  Not everyone wants children.  However, such a paradigm is constantly thrust upon them in this society.  Ann Landers did a study decades ago asking parents if they had to do it over, would they have children & an overwhelming majority answered in the negative.  Many people don't want to be parents but succumb to the pressure by their parents, religious authorities, relatives, friends, & other associates.   It really galls me that there are still people who claim that real families consist of having a ton-load of children.  This is passe thinking.  Families are getting smaller as people become more educated & aware of the benefits that small families bring.  People weren't happy when they had ton-loads of children, it was economically stressful on families which caused all sorts of negative ramifications such as abuse, neglect, & poverty.   Psychological studies endlessly authenticate that childfree & 1-child families experience the least stress while multichild families experience the most stress.

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4. 69

   Aime Fposted 6 years ago

   For what it’s worth, my parents did want more kids but they couldn’t conceive. Eventually they took it as a sign that it was just supposed to be the three of us. And we were all very happy. There are lots of reasons that people may only have one child and I don’t think it’s terribly kind to tell them that they’re depriving their kid of love because of it.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      +1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.  Aime, many people w/siblings especially those in large families feel the way Wilderness do.  However, you and I know better.   Only children are okay.  Not everyone wants to have more than one child and that is okay.  Children who have no siblings are not deprived nor are they missing something.

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      1. 69

         Aime Fposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         I do feel like a very weird and negative stigma still surrounds only children. I can only speak to my own experience of course, but I actually feel that I have a number of good qualities resulting from being on my own. Are those qualities and the special bond I had with my parents any better or worse than what I would have gotten out of life with siblings? It is absolutely impossible to say. But clearly I don’t look back with any real longing for something different as I’m perfectly content raising my daughter in the same environment.

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         1. 85

            gmwilliamsposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            My dear, welcome to the club.  I am an unapologetic only child.  Remember, those w/siblings hate us because we do not have the drama such as sibling rivalry, infighting, gamesmanship, & other manipulative games.  Be proud that you are an only child.  Wilderness is from a large family.  From my associations with those from large families, they have the most virulent prejudice against only children because our worlds are dichotomously different, even opposite from theirs.  Aime F, do not the negaters upset you.  We onlies are special, peace and love Aime.   I have witnessed such virulence from those with siblings all my life.  My second cousin, also an only child, stated it succinctly, " People hate only children out of envy." Remember that.
            
            We are the most unique and luckiest of all birth orders.  We do not have the hassles of the oldest child.  We are not personae non gratae like middle children.  We are not subject to parental favoritism and do not have to constantly vie for parental attention.   Growing up with siblings is a hassle from what I have heard and witnessed from friends and relatives.   Oldest hating youngest because youngest have it made in the shade.  Middle hating oldest and youngest because the latter receive the attention while they are ignored.   Wouldn't want to be none of those birth order, thankful to be an only child.  People who grew up with siblings often get shortchanged.  They know that and that is why they lash out at only children.  We have what they....DON'T and they HATE it!
            
            I grew up as an only child and LOVED it.   I had my parents to myself.  I also was more self-sufficient than those with siblings who constantly must have people around them.   I am creative because I am an only child.  I had infinite time to myself which I enjoyed.   If we had siblings, we would be OLDEST children and oldest children catch hell.  They must be on 23/7/365 for parents and youngest siblings.  They must be adults early.  They have no childhood nor adolescence to speak of.  I have written various hubs on birth order, oldest children, middle children, and only children.  From my large extended family, oldest children are the most miserable and burdened.  It is the only children who are happy.  Only children are happy and those with siblings DON'T like it.  In fact, they are threatened by it because subconsciously they are not happy with their siblings.  Misery loves company that is why those with siblings maintain that everyone should be the same as they are.   I bid you good night.

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