How can I trust again?

1. 63

   EngagementRingposted 14 years ago

   I just got married two months ago and before that we started having problems. It turns out that he had lied a lot about his past and everything finally surfaced. I will not go into detail but I didn't just find out everyday crap...I found out some of that but I also had some huge bombshells dropped on me. I decided to move forward with him but I have lost a great deal of trust and I need to know how to get self esteem and gain independence because I waste a lot of time dwelling on it.

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   1. 61

      Bovine Currencyposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      hi, I was in a similar situation.  We are separated and will be getting a divorce.
      
      Really depends on more factors than what you have divulged.

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   2. 61

      prettydarkhorseposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I think you are in the right track, acknowledging that you dont need to dwell on it.
      
      People are different, and I wish that one day you are going to trust somebody again, it is a process and a difficult feeling too, just be positive about it, and learn from it, there are nice people around,

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   3. 61

      b2seedsposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Wow! Sorry to hear that! The first thing you have to do since you decided to stay with him is let go! Unfortuanately you can't dwell on it. I would just say the fact that he came out with the bombshells signify that he has a conscience and values you enough to not hide it from you anymore! He took major chance of losing you to tell you all of that so hopefully he got it all out and you can have a long and happy marriage from this day forward! Good luck!

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   4. 0

      mdawson17posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Hang tight if you love him! However if your distrust has caused you to also loose your love than leave because your marriage will always suffer and probably will never rebuild

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2. 64

   SandyMcCollumposted 14 years ago

   Time is the great healer, but it's hell waiting for time to go by. If you've decided to move on with him after all these bombs, then you'll have to do some heavy thinking about the future. Sometimes the past dictates the future, sometimes it can be changed for the better. Maybe concentrate on the good that will come from it and try to deal with that stuff you didn't like hearing. Talk about it more with him until you feel better.
   
   Just a thought. But, good luck and I wish you well. (((hug)))

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3. 63

   EngagementRingposted 14 years ago

   Yeah, I know I am being kind of vague but I won't get into too much detail. I just hope things get better

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4. 61

   Bovine Currencyposted 14 years ago

   takes work.
   
   You know what to do.  You have all the answers.  Trust is a gamble, especially if it has been broken once.

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5. 0

   Poppa Bluesposted 14 years ago

   Trust....but verify!

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6. 59

   XTASISposted 14 years ago

   trust broken will never be in one piece again

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7. 61

   prettydarkhorseposted 14 years ago

   Trust that is lost can be regain but it will never be the same again
   
   but there are still trustworthy people around

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8. 0

   Home Girlposted 14 years ago

   You can not buid a relationship on lies, period. If somebody lied to you, he betrayed you and will be doing this over and over and over... He will be b*sh**ng you, just untill you will not be able to hold it any more. It's incurabe. If somebody lies to you, RUN, no excuses... sorry. You can pretend but for a while and then? it's more damaging than it looks like. And more dangerous. it's my experience, I know what I am talking about. I even have a hub about it. About love and betrayal.

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9. 61

   Black Lillyposted 14 years ago

   I think once trust is broken, it's broken. It will never be the same. Whether you choose to accept it or not is another question.
   It will always be like a broken glass ornament that someone tries to glue together. You never know - might even look better than it did originally, though most of the times it doesn't...

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10. 40

    efeguyposted 14 years ago

    not easy,but you just have to give him that trust again,since you are still with him.
    
    all d best

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11. 49

    Heartbroken09posted 14 years ago

    Hello Engagement ring,
    
    I have over the weekend experienced some bombshells after two years of marriage. The trust is now broken with me. I am still unsure what to tell you, as I do not know myself. I think many people had good points. Trust can happen, it will never be what it was. But he has to want to change, meaning physically showing you changes as well as verbally. I also am learning I can not blame myself. In order to trust I think you have to determine factors, and determine if you can ever truly forgive him or are you going to hold it over his head...

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