First Hub. Please Review

1. 60

   Hoover Dam Innposted 14 years ago

   Hey everyone. I just finished my first hub about my hometown Boulder City, NV. I think that I will end up adding to it, but I would like feedback as it stands now so I know what you think.

   replyreport
   1. 70

      Cagsilposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I visited your Hub and it seem well written, but does come up a little short.

      replyreport
2. 76

   starme77posted 14 years ago

   I like it

   replyreport
3. 59

   HubCrafterposted 14 years ago

   Hey Hoover:
     It's good. It's not a homerun yet. But it easily gets you to first base. So how do you step up your game from here?
   
     You've got an idea here. You're comparing Boulder City with Las Vegas, right? Back and forth. A is like B. But B is doing this and A is more like...etc. This is a good thing.
   
     OK. Let's imagine you are a window dresser for ummmmm, Macy's Department store. Christmas is coming and you've got to design a sales window that's absolutely AMAZING.
   
     Right now, your article has all the mannequins in just the right places. (The mannequins are the facts, the comparisons, the photos --the basics.) GOOD JOB!!!!
   
     But if the boss shows up (the Reader), he's gonna take one look at your window (less than 15 seconds)and decide if this window is (the same, worse or better) than every other article vying for his/her limitted attention-span.
   
     And Frankly MY Dear, the Reader doesn't give a Hoover Dam about how hard you worked; how long it took to get it where it is; or how impressed you might be with your work's current state of assumed significance. None of this enters the mind of the Reader.
   
      All they want is something that meets THEIR NEEDS and does it alot better than what they typically are offered.
   
      Picture this. Your hometown newspaper has several sections. There's sports, business, local news, national news..you get the idea. What's your favorite section? -OK. Do you read EVERY article in that section, EVERY time?
   
     (NOPE, is the answer I need right here.)
   
     How come?...Write it down. No. Not what you like..WHY do you choose some; what MAKES you choose them? What MAKES you read every word to the end? ...Think about it.
   
     Good job. Now get back to the batting cages, slugger.
   
   HubCrafter

   replyreport
4. 73

   WriteAngledposted 14 years ago

   I think you're being somewhat disingenuous in your reference to Bouler City hotels in the plural, when clicking on the link takes me to one single hotel, your hotel.
   
   Either be open and say outright "you can stay in our [adjectives of your choice] hotel" or link to someplace where a visitor can find a selection of the whole range of accommodation available.

   replyreport
5. 60

   Hoover Dam Innposted 14 years ago

   Thank you all. Lots of good advice from all, especially HubCrafter. I will edit the Hub either today or later this week, depending on how much time I have.

   replyreport
6. 60

   bojanglesk8posted 14 years ago

   It's alright.

   replyreport