ADOPTION - A FAMILY ENLARGED

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   goldenpathposted 14 years ago

   On Sunday, 07 February, I was greatly impressed at a family situation as I was delivering a sermon.  We have a middle age couple who adopted two children in infancy.  The daughter is in college now and the son is still at home approaching high school graduation.  Today they brought the son's biological father to the services. 
   
   It was an amazing display to me.  The son has complete forgiveness and accepts his biological father for who he is as much as he accepts his adoptive father.  Sure, I'll grant that there are some "uncomfortable" feelings there but they all accepted them and was understanding one to another.
   
   The true triumph is in the son.  This young man is an Eagle Scout and has excelled in school.  He looks forward to college.  Even with his family background this young man still does not let it pull him down but rather keeps his eye forward and makes the best of all situations he is presented with.
   
   I am looking for other examples of adoption victories.  They need not be like the one above but would appreciate the positive experiences people have had with adoption and perhaps some positive and uplifting examples of adoptees looking forward in their lives.
   
   Thanks in advance! 

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   AEvansposted 14 years ago

   The biggest blessing we had is when we adopted our son although it is unfortunate that his mom is deceased we are looking forward to an experience just like this one. Although you are looking for a great story my own little story is that we are completely and utterly blessed with the joy of a gift that God gave to us 9 years ago.

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is exactly what I am looking for!  Any uplifting experience with adoption is a great story.  That child is yours, every bit as much as if you bore the child yourself.  Out of love and respect for the child's right of knowledge I sincerely hope that the child is made aware of his or her beginnings upon you and your husband's inspired timing.
      
      I place you and all those who adopt on a pedestal for all to see and learn from.  Raising and teaching the rising generation is a duty, responsibility and a means of fulfillment in our lives - even for the barren and childless.
      
      Thank you for your example to the world! 

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         AEvansposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         He will certainly be made aware one day when he is old enough to understand, we also have a story from his mother when he was born, the original he was given and a picture of her as a little girl and an adult. It is a shame that drugs took her life but she also knew that she could not care for him so our gift is a blessing because she gave us a miracle. Sometimes I believe that the families who adopt have been chosen by God because all children need love and you have to have a very big heart to give them what they need. We have friends who would absolutely refuse to adopt , they have said that they are not there own flesh and blood but in our eyes our son is God's gift to us and that is the greatest gift of all.

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            goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Y O U  A R E  C H O S E N !  And it is a miracle and a triumph that you and others like you have answered the call to serve in this manner.  It is also a miracle and blessing that the biological mother decided to have the child and not suffer it to death.  He was chosen as well to be placed under your care. 
            
            Mark my words - the time will come, I testify, that you, your husband and your son will meet face to face with this biological mother and there will not be animosity but rather sweet embraces.  A glorious story indeed.
            
            Thanks!

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   Ohmaposted 14 years ago

   My sisters youngest is adopted.She is 13 years old. She is biologically my sisters grandchild. Her biological mom much to the dismay of the family told this child recently the truth of her birth. My sister was crushed because she had told her daughter(The biological mother) that when the adopted child was mature enough to handle this news she would be told.
   This has caused a lot of hurt and animosity in our family I know it will resolve itself in time but right now I am so angry at my older neice that I do not talk to her for fear I might say something that would make things worse.
   My sister went out on a limb to do what was best for her daughter when she needed the help ie: pregnant unwed still in school etc. and this is how her kindness has been returned.
   I have faith that someday this will turn into a happy adoption story but right now.........??

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Although I am still unclear as to the connections you described I, as a clergyman, have counseled many families about the dangers of such interruptions in the raising of children.  They have a right to know their beginnings, however, it should be upon the inspired timing of the legal guardian.
      
      Now the child knows, OK, it's done!  Now, what's important is to move forward without animosity.  I am sure that all involved know who is torked and who is not so it is really pointless and counter-productive to deepen the wound and pour salt on it.  The child, now, needs an environment of positive exchanges and encouragement.  The child needs to know that the family loves them and cherishes them.  They need to know that they are important and not trash after all. 
      
      It is easy at these times to submit to hatred and conflict.  It seems to ease the tension within to know that you "stuck it" to someone who needed it.  However, that is not what's needed - for the child's sake.  All children are precious in the sight of God and deserve all the positive encouragement they can receive especially in light of all the worldly crap they have to deal with these days.
      
      I pray for your family matters that they may prove beneficial for all involved and that all involved will learn important lessons from this experience.
      
      Thanks for your heartfelt story.

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   Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago

   my older brother and I are both adopted because sadly my mom had an egg that got stuck in one of the tubes and they had to be removed, thus her chances of having her own kids was a big NO. so we are both adopted and we are both healthy strong loving adults now haven't met my egg donor or sperm donor as I call them but I would like to only know the medical history, don't care much to know them since sperm donor left egg donor knocked up...

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for that insight.  It must be a difficult scenario to deal with at times but as you said you are both all grown up, healthy and strong.  Although the beginnings may be fuzzy and without faces you still have a loving mother who has cared for you.  This, alone, is awesome and a miracle in my book.
      
      Thanks again!

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   Pani Midnyte Odinposted 14 years ago

   My cousin found out she was unable to have her own children shortly after she got married. She and her husband became foster parents, hoping to be given the option to adopt rather quickly. Child after child came and went, all different ages, all in heart-breaking situations. Two years passed before they were given the option to adopt a 10 month old Hispanic boy they were currently fostering. His biological parents were quite young and his biological mother was a drug addict. The same night his adoption became final, my cousin received a phone call from the hospital. A 16 year old girl had just given birth to a baby girl and had selected my cousin and her husband from a list of twenty families as the parents she wanted her daughter to go to. The little boy is now 6 years old, idolizes his father, and loves cars. The little girl is now 5 years old, in ballet class, and thinks she is a princess. Both are happy, healthy, energetic, and the loves of their parents' lives.

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is spectacular!  I can't imagine the joy of being double blessed in such a manner in one night.  I have never heard anything of the such.  It is such a win win all around when adoption is chosen as opposed to the alternative. 
      
      This is a great story and I hope they have detailed their feelings and events of that night in a journal for the children to inherit when they are grown.  Wow, what a story!   

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   JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

   My youngest girl is adopted. We began fostering her when she was 3 months old and I  “knew” she would not be going home. She knows as well as any 3 year old can know that she is adopted. She knows she has another mother. This confuses her a little bit, but she takes it in stride. She is such a blessing we can’t even describe it, like an incredible gift.
   We have 5 biological children and went through a period where we debated whether to have another as they got older. I wanted to experience having a child with us being more mature and financially able. But we decided it would be best to just take the best care possible of the ones we had.
   
   A few years later, because of children I met and my own childhood, we decided to foster. Our little girl came into our life and I feel it was a gift that was just meant to be.
   
   Our adoption is completely open. Her biological mother has our phone number. Her aunts and uncles have our phone number.  I feel like they are an extended part of our family.  I know  bio-mom’ story. There are circumstances in her life that make parenting impossible. I feel that this is something her family and my family are doing together and I will always raise our daughter to love her.

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That is magnificent and further substantiates the fact, previously mentioned, that special individuals are truly chosen to carry out this compassionate work.  It takes a deep abiding love that is tokened only through a special level of sacrifice.  It is a joy and an exponential benefit to a child when both sides of the families are connected through love.  I've no doubt that this child shall grow to fulfill her magnified potential. 
      
      I sincerely thank you for your story that I know you cherish to the heart.

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   StormRyderposted 14 years ago

   While I wasn't legally adopted by the family that raised me I was always told I was none the less their child, and they are truly my family. I am so greatful for them and what they did for me, in fact I wrote a thank you to them here on the hubs called "To My Angels"
   I have been so blessed and remember that every single day.

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Whatever the scenario it is always a welcome treasure to feel loved and wanted.  Looking back, you probably would not have had as good an outlook on life as you may have now if you had not the "family" you've known.
      
      Thanks for the story. 

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   Madame Xposted 14 years ago

   I had two friends in college who were adopted. Their adoptive parents told them that "we chose you". It made them feel that they were chosen for being special instead of rejected for being unwanted. They were both content and felt no lack. It was wonderful.

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks for sharing that.  It cannot be over-stressed the importance of feeling "needed" by another.  This simple appendage of the human relationship is a huge variable to the potential of a child as they grow and mature.
      
      I believe there is a strong bonding spark that takes place on the part of adoptive parents when they see the child.  For many they "know" who was meant for them.  This is a real sense and is truly inspired.  It takes special people to take on the call to adopt or foster children.
      
      Thanks again.

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   Lisa HWposted 14 years ago

   People so often see adoption very differently.  My eldest son was adopted from infancy (not because I couldn't have children, but because I knew I would be having a family anyway).  I had my two younger children myself.
   
   For me, bonding took place the same with all three children:  I didn't know them when I first met them, but taking care of them from infancy (and in the case of the two younger ones, birth, of course) led to the incredibly powerful bond mothers have with their children.  I've always seen all three as "gifts" to me, so I've never seen being an adoptive mother (at least in my case) as being particularly compassionate or having anything that any birth mother doesn't have.
   
   I've always joked to them and others that it was a heck of a lot easier to have the younger two than to adopt him.  It took three years, lots of uncertainty, and a long screening process (complete with my husband and me writing our individual "life stories" as part of it) to become my eldest son's mother.  It only took seven and eight months and an hour and a half of labor to have the other two.    I've always told my son I wanted him so much I had to work really hard and go through a lot to become his mother. I'm glad that I've seen for myself (and been able to share what I've learned) with all three kids about the fact that the bond between mothers and their children doesn't come from sharing genetic background or carrying a baby before he's born, but from getting to know each new little person (regardless of where he came from), and loving him for the little sweetie he is. 

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      goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      That's an awesome story!  Yes, those bonds are incredibly strong and essential especially in these difficult times.  Forming those deep bonds within the family relationship are eternal in that they will, in turn, extend and engrain that purity into their own families.  Through your decision you have given new life to a soul who otherwise would not have had the nurturing benefits essential for a productive and happy life.
      
      Thanks for the story!

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      JeanMeriamposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      It took us 3 years, too. On placement day I kept thinking, That was the longest pregnancy ever. And no drugs to help me through it, lol. Those home studies are grueling.
      
      I think if everyone had to go through that to be able to have kids, there would be a lot less idiots with kids.

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         goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         I bet that took a whole lot of patience on your part.  In the end, though, it was obviously well worth it.  I agree about educating parents today.  The parent/child is dangerously undermined in society today.  Eventually it will serve to unravel the very fabric of civility in the world.  We have enough of that as is.  We all need to get back to the basics of life as our grandparents and great-grandparents did.  That's where we will rediscover the true meaning of family.
         
         Thanks for the response!

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    Sab Ohposted 14 years ago

    Sadly, in some countries there is still something of a tabboo over adoption.

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       goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       True, and that's a shame.  This is not a religious forum but I will offer this one belief of mine for these situations.  Many children in these countries may never be adopted or cared for properly yet they must exist for the rest of us to extend care, hope and eventual adoption to.  They also serve as a means of their own governments to learn compassion in helping these children and encouraging adoption and foster care in hopes of their society overcoming such "taboos".  Though they may never see such a nurturing environment I believe that the Creator placed them in such situations because they, themselves, already proved faithful and extraordinarily valiant before they came to Earth.  Their potential may not be realized in this life but will surely be unfolded in the next.
       
       Just my thoughts though.
       
       Thanks for your important input!

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    megs78posted 14 years ago

    Eventhough my parents had me and two daughters biologically, they were a foster family and fostered children from every walk of life.  They also adopted a son with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome).  All the children my parents have had have ALL found their real parents with my parents help, but have kept my parents as their own.  They are the true 'mom and dad' to 5 foster children and one adopted.  All of the kids are now in their 30's and up and we are still one big family.

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       goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Wow, that's incredible to me!  This proves that the loving bonds of family does and will create loyalty to such a degree that cannot be broken.  Your parents trusted and loved the fostered children enough to aid in finding their parents.  They probably did this with a little fear of losing the affection of some to the biological parents, but they trusted and honored the child's right to know.  In the face of this the children have secured their nurturing parents as their "own".  Again, this beautiful tapestry of life has probably been extended to their own spouses and children now that they are older.
       
       Many thanks for your inspiring story!   

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          megs78posted 14 years agoin reply to this

          I just want to add that though the story is incredible, it was not always easy.  It is still not easy and there are issues that face each and every one of us to this day.  Having said that, it is amazing that we are able to overcome the issues every time and to continue to love eachother.  It is a testament to the strength of the the fabric of love. 
          
          Great thread Goldenpath!

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             goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             True, all must not always be "peachy", however, the love served growing up armed you with the tools to effectively deal with life trials.  I am sure they have made you stronger.  That, in effect, makes stronger families and stronger nations and will eventually make us "one".
             
             Thanks for the response.

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    wychicposted 14 years ago

    I don't have a personal story (though we do plan to adopt eventually), but my husband was adopted. For the first 11 years of his life he had his grandparents, who sound like they were a couple of the most amazing people in the world. They loved him dearly and let him know it on a daily basis, but when they died he went into the foster care system. He ran away from many bad foster homes and, as one can imagine, was quite an angry and difficult kid. At the age of 13 he was adopted by the only good foster home he had and instantly became the big brother to five siblings. He filled his role well, and when his adoptive father left the family he made sure the kids were taken care of while his mom worked. When all of the other kids were moving away from their hometown, my husband was the last to move away from his mom. He says that she is no less his mother for coming into his life so late, and in fact holds a special place in his heart because she picked him out of thousands of children in a large metropolitan area...she wanted HIM, not just "a kid".

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       goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       Great story!  It is good that your husband had the memories he had of his grandparents and their love for him.  He was blessed to have been chosen out of so many to be woven into the fabric of another family.
       
       Truly a plan was laid out for him in life that he needed those nurturing years.
       
       Thanks again!

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          wychicposted 14 years agoin reply to this

          It certainly turned him into a natural daddy . Out of his five kids, two are not biologically his (my son and his oldest daughter) but that has never made them any less HIS children. Now, even though he's now 50, we're still planning on more kids and he's quite excited about it...as far as I'm concerned, at least some will be adopted.

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             goldenpathposted 14 years agoin reply to this

             It gives me great joy in reading these stories.  It takes a strong spirit to overcome the adversities in one's life and to actually use them to their advantage.  He utilized the love he received and extended it to his own family and future family members.
             
             Greatness!!

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