so what's the plan? lyric in green? me in plaid! what color for you hokey? we invade? pick a thread?
aw lyric gone... who wants to take this hijacked hijacked thread to another thread... let's invade politics!
NEED INFORMATION FROM FELLOW HUBBERSposted by goldenpath in Religion & Beliefs
I am ready
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
A very proper man started going into the neighbourhood pharmacy every week to buy 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week he would come in with the same order.
One day the pharmacist felt he had to say something to the man. "Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?"
The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"
"So," the pharmacist asked, "then what do you do with all those condoms?"
The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my poodle and now she poops in little plastic bags."
"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer ed his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a aw. Other times we can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em cold. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse."
The owner of a drugstore walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall with an odd look on his face.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"
The clerk says, "Well, he came in here at 7 A.M. to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxatives."
The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"
The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him-he's afraid to cough!"
Heard this one back in the day when Native Americans were still Indians, so for all you First Americans out there, this is NOT intended to be offensive...unless you find all third grade humor offensive, which would be about right:
An old Indian is being pressured by the white government to move from his ancestral lands. He goes to complain to the Indian Agent but, by mistake, ends up at a doctor's office (you know those white-man offices; they all look alike). When asked why he's there, he tells the doctor,
"Ugh! No move!"
"Okay," says the medico, "Take this bottle of castor oil and check back with me tomorrow."
The Indian is puzzled, but all whites are crazy. He does as instructed, telling the doctor the next day,
"Ugh! Still no move!"
Now it's the sawbones' turn to be puzzled. This time he hands the old man the king sized bottle of castor oil....
Another day later: "Ugh! Still no move!"
This goes on for a WEEK, by which time the doctor is handing him a GALLON of castor oil.
The day after THAT, the Indian does return as instructed, looking haggard and weak.
"Well?" Demands the doc.
"Gotta move!" The Indian finally admits. "Teepee full of s***!"
Hairy palms and y-fronts - special 3 hairy palms and one faded pair of y-fronts, get them now while they are at a discount price!
LMFAO LMFAO
You all are hilarious
oh, gotta pee
oh............
Man with skirt eats flowers but forgets to wipe his face afterwards!!
I have a website where I sell kilts and face flower wipes. That's one of my clients.
hey lyrics...bye lyrics...have a great pee jeez girl you are almost as bad as a guy friend I have who has to go pee maybe every hour or less lol
doing pretty good just starting on researching stuff for my short stories...ooo I'm gonna have fun scaring ppl with these ones lol
only problem is still don't know how i'm going to scare ppl with rainbows....
that could work but usually in my stories there has to be death or maming...how would that cause that? ppl so transfixed they get into car accidents or ran over when walking around?
some crazy christian resurrected my dead begonias and now i have to water them again!
Now I have to go smoke outside-pregnant woman inside! My son's gf, actually...she's awesome. I think she's going to carry this one to term-miscarried around 4 months ago. But all is way BABY around here, and I'm gonna be a grandma. Ahh, shucks.
I hope she carries this one full term grandma
Congrats Grandma!!! Smoking outside this morning sucked, it was -1 ! Can't wait to move.
Billboard promoting an Israeli Bank of Commerce:
JESUS SAVES BUT MOSES INVESTS!
lol that's funny.
I think I can make what you said about the colors being out of order work, Hamsters....thanks!
Hey Jane! -1? I would be dead! lol Come to Cali Jane come to Cali
hey i'm heading to Cali in four days. San Fran area. is it nice? never been.
Oh San Fran is a vrey nice area. beautiful place to visit. everyone is pretty much friendly lol some a little too friednly...I remember when we went there to visit my brother who use to live in San Fran...I got hit on by quite a few girls...didn't bother me but kind of shcoked me since no guys had been hitting on me why would girls hit on me? I ain't pretty or nothing...
I beg to differ that you're not pretty, doll-just look in the mirror! Your avatar tells me you are, so no wonder women were all over you. Men are generally blind or too busy to notice-Hamsters excepted, of course. And Denno, and Hmrjmr, and...
aaa....thanks lorlie...I try to tell myself that I am pretty and all that but it's hard..
You know, of course, that's a result of our upbringing, right? And the media!
Yea I blame the kids when I was in elementary and middle school. they did a number on my self esteem
You're right-I got picked on, too. Moved alot, always the new kid, and kinda 'husky.'
I was considered the four-eyed teacher's pet I am glad I was the teacher's pet...I had great friends in my teachers. even was asked to babysit for a couple of them because they knew I was responsible enough to handle it
men in SF tend to be gay, girls, so don't expect to be hit on while you're there! Some aren't gay, but they act tired, wonder why! anyway, next month I'm spending 3 nights in an old SF hotel with froofroo rooms, and I'm totally looking forward to my first real vacation in a couple years! Going to the new Cal
Academy of Science which i hear is spectac - 3 floors of rain forest and a new aquarium etc. Hooray! Also a couple friends there to hang out with. Hamster - you should go see the Cal Academy, also the King Tut show, also Beach Blanket Babylon! There is a lot to do! the Haight district, the Castro district! fun :
San Francisco is my favorite city on earth! What part of the Bay Area, Hamsters?
Lafayette? WOW-it's lush and gorgeous, also you can take BART to the city from there. Have a ball!
You know what I have been to San Fran tiwce and have YET to take the BART. I think that would be a fun adventure travling under water and all
i'm taking the train out from ohio. really looking forward to the journey... gonna see Jerry Garcia Band on Feb 19th. really looking forward to staying with my friend.
Thanks, ladies-hey, where's Lyrics? Peeing shouldn't take THAT long...unless she gets into it.
Its been ages since I could say hi, HIYA!!!!! How you been girly?
KRISTEN!! WHere in the bleep have you been girl? it has been ages...I've been good. how are you? where have you been hiding?
I have been doing the dreaded W word
Work has left me exausted most evenings, luckily I am now at the half term break so have a week off! Wooo Hooo! Opening a bottle of wine tonight
I must write a few hubs in this week upcoming n not let the forums distract me which they probably will!
We spent a few days out there a few years ago. Not near enough time to see everything!
Crazd...I'll be there as soon as my house sells! At least I know I'll never spend another winter here HURRAY!
Lyrics must have had a lot of coffee or she fell asleep.
Okay refresh my memory Jane...where in cali are you moving to again?
I know that they are gay in SF mega...I was just telling them how in SF I was hit on more by the girls than back in Poway with the guys.
I think I was one of the girls that other girls thought was hitting on them in hi school - I was not very feminine, but entirely straight - and just was trying to be nice! like now, on the forums - just not a good communicator. Altho I no longer get that vibe of people thinking I'm gay! I will see if I get hit on at all in SF when I go there next month- the city where everyone trys to stay "forever young" - I will probably be happy to be hit on by either sex!
hehehe of course they will Kristen. I'm here If I'm here then you will definitely get distracted MWHAHAHAHA - CW quote (can't get a handle on this new quoting thing, prefered to delete the bits I don't need to quote and leave the relevant bit but oh well)
I expect to have to summon all my self control to avoid just checking the forums there is often something to have to post to then something else and oh wait I was gonna ask about that and uh oh its the end of the day and I spent it all in the forums!
BTW you are one hot momma!
Just so you could re-experience the joy of SF
I found a few of the bullies on FB and actually have become friends with a couple. the others totally ignored me so I said f 'em and deleted their arses. If they didn't have the decency to even say hi to me just add me then they ain't worth following. I know a few are married and some have moved away from Cali...but eh I just stay in touch with the very few who talked to me on FB after i looked them up
lol Kristen yea you have to get ue to the whole erply button thingy now. I kinda got the hang of it but still learning...lol and self control? what's that?
and thanks for the compliment
Any time babe
Self control is what the nuns in catholic school tried desperately to teach me or was that self discipline? Any way its no easy job I can tell you
Gonna try to write some hubs.... ohh look a butter fly!
Am SO laughing at your last comment. That's exactly me today: gonna go investigate keywords- oh look, a butterfly! I love it. Thanks for the giggle.
Don't get too close to that butterfly...you don't know if it's one of my creatures or if it's a harmless butterfly hehehe
I am a terrible influence ain't I
Now that you back to your keyword research, hey look over there a grass hopper!
Hey, look! A cardinal eating a grasshopper.
If you look closely behind that grass hopper you might notice a stick insect (those things are way cool, a friend of mine had some as pets and they are very odd) yeah the stick looking thing!
Oh by the way done with that keyword research yet?
Oh, you have no idea how ON IT I am... Just after I finish petting my cats. So ON it.
I am rolling on the floor laughing!
As a kid I was a master at avoiding homework! My favorite activity was to color my desk light bulb by melting my crayons on it! I then touched it and collected crayon wax finger prints!
Wanna collect crayon wax finger prints? Its a great and fascinating homework diversion activity!
That's HILARIOUS. But, ouch, right? I can so see myself doing that. I did frequently "dig" in hot candlewax, however. Liked the way it felt so smooth on my fingertips. We may just be 2 peas in a pod. Off to light a candle and dig for my crayons...Then ONTO that keyword resarch. Yeah.
I don't remember it being painful but then again I am kinda weird so its hard to say
Oh a great activity when you are making crayon wax finger prints is when the wax is still on your fingers then you can finger color, each finger being a different color!
I am so strange!
No, not strange at all. In fact, I think it's brilliant. I do love melting together crayon leftover to make new colors. Never thought how I could use my digits for such a creative endeavor. So up my alley.
Crazdwriter, no doubt it's all Kristen's fault.
I just gotta comment on the misery of grade school! I did not get good enough grades to be a teachers pet but I did try! By HS tho I was a total teachers pet but no one teased me over it, they were jealous tho as I got to leave class all the time for all sorts of excuses
In grade school tho I was teased so badly that I really don't think my self esteem recovered until about 25ish. I do think my self esteem is pretty darned good these days and I think its because I work hard for it. I have high standards for myself and I meet those standards, its easy to feel accomplished and well totally awesome when you know that you are tough but fair with yourself. I have those things I would change if I could but all in all I make the most of the package I was born with
John Chow says "Today is the Last Day to Become a Blogger”
Sorry to all you who thought you would become bloggers tomorrow. We are closing the doors.
OOOH So that is what the nuns tried teaching...I thought they were just there to scare the sh!t outa us kids
okay yer safe with the grasshopper they are fine I haven't done anything to them...hehehe
LOL Kristen look what you did now. Wordscribe is procrastinating again because of you
Just remembered the method I used to do my finger tip crayon wax finger prints. The first layer of wax does hurt a tiny bit but once you got that thin layer on and let it dry to layer more wax on after has no more pain
Thats why I don't remember it hurting, I thought my way through a method for limiting the hot wax on skin part
i stuck a fishing lure up my butt the other day. didn't catch anything. spoiled the whole fishing trip. at least i found the remote. now i can watch judge judy!
by Kyler J Falk 3 years ago
It would seem that HubPages frowns upon the ongoing interaction within my popular thread, and I was wondering if anyone else has noticed this sort of trend within their own threads? The responses are relevant, engaging, and ongoing; so is this HubPages trying to say, indirectly, that it is time to...
by Kate Swanson 12 years ago
Earlier this morning I created a thread on the Hub Makeover forum, because I had emailed Team HubPages and hadn't had a response. Jason eventually responded and told me what I already knew, that the Hub had triggered the Affiliate link rule because of my RSS feed (to my own blog). Then...
by x 5 years ago
Why do I say that? Because I'm guessing something happened that motivated HP to include this in the HubPages Weekly:*Start*What Are the HubPages Forums for? Are There Any Rules?The Forums allow the community to complement each individual Hubber’s talents and interests. We hope they provide a living...
by china man 14 years ago
There are some irritating entities in the forums who seem to get into good threads trying to start pointless arguments with pointless questions or are just plain rude for no reason. I have seen reference to trolls and sock puppets - I think I have got troll but can someone explain it all for...
by Lisa HW 13 years ago
It's not my place to "hope" what I wish would happen is anything anyone pays attention to; but every once in awhile there will be some really, really, ugly thread that it's posted by some nut-case or else posted to stir things up.I'm not talking about some of the silliness and wackiness...
by Beth37 10 years ago
So apparently Mark was banned from the forum the other day for being a decent person. Then someone here had the audacity to call my favorite author's work, "drivel." So I thought maybe Mark, being one of the funniest ppl I have never met, should get a little shot in the arm. My favorite...
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |