not alone

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   Lecieposted 14 years ago

   as some of you know i have a disability that prevents me from leaving the house alone. so many times i've seen a guy that i'm interested in. but how do i get him interested in me. should i take my mother over and say hi? what if he then calls security over? how do i know when to make my move and what to say? if you were the guy in the store what would you do if a strange woman comes up to you with her mother by her side? can anyone offer some advice?

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   livewithrichardposted 14 years ago

   I would guess it really depends on the guy.  More importantly, you should work on your confidence. You have a disability not a contagious virus and the only way you will surely know the guy is interested is if you make the move by yourself.

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   Stevennix2001posted 14 years ago

   i have to agree with livewithrichard. it's tough to say as everyone is different.  however, confidence is the biggest thing. besides, i'm sure you have a lot to offer any guy out there.  heck,  i don't  even know you that well, but i can already tell you seem like a very sweet and nice person.  therefore, i'm sure you'll make any guy out  there happy. 

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   Lecieposted 14 years ago

   thanks for the advice...it's just so hard for me to talk to people face to face. most of the time i have panic attacks when i try to. i just don't want that to happen in front of this guy. that would be so awful. i probably wouldn't be able to even look at him again. i'd be to busy worrying about what he thought of me.

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      Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      well just take a deep breath whenever you start to get nervous.  and whenever you're about to say something negative about yourself mentally, then stop yourself before you say it.  take a deep breath, then tell yourself something else like I'm confident, strong, smart, and other positive things.  at least that's what beth taught me a while back, and it's worked for me.  i'm sure it can work for you too.

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      Faybe Bayposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Okay Lecie. I am new to your situation, and so I do not know what all is wrong. Panic attacks, however I am an expert at. I am warding one off right now even asking you if you want some workable tricks to help.

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      livewithrichardposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Lecie, if there's anything I've learned about relationships its that life is too short to worry about "what ifs." Believe in yourself and don't worry about what you have to offer for this guy. What does this guy have to offer you?

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      Jeramiposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      I'd say ...  "don't go overboard" ..fix your hair.. put the cutest smile you got on...  go over there however you got to..
      In your mind you are flirting but don't let him know that.
        "Don't go overboard"  As you are leaving  teasingly say  ...... "I think you are cute", goina need some more gum tomorrow or something like that ..That shouldn't put either one of ya on the spot. Then see what he acts like the next time ya go in there. 
        Good luck

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      To prepare yourself to talk to this guy without a panic attack, I suggest practicing in front of a mirror first.  Or with a friend/relative that would be willing to help. 
      
      I have learned from raising my oldest son to be prepared, and I  believe with a little practice the nervousness/anxiety/panic attacks wont be so bad.

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   JeanMeriamposted 14 years ago

   I think you should go for it. A woman hanging around with her mom is not all that unusual. If it was a man with his mom, maybe a different story. And if he’s not interested, don’t let it get to you too much. People are uninterested for many different reasons, including things they are going through in their own lives.

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   Lecieposted 14 years ago

   thanks steve...i've made up my mind. next week when i do my shopping i will go up to this guy. if i can actually get the words out i'm still not sure. but i will give it a try. i don't really have anything to lose right? if he's not interested then i'm no worse off than i am right now.

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      Stevennix2001posted 14 years agoin reply to this

      exactly.  besides, you don't want to go through your life wondering what if. i hope it works out for you.

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      thisisoliposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Thats the best way to look at it, worst tehy can do is brush you off, the best that can happen is infinately worth it

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   Rafiniposted 14 years ago

   You said you can't leave the house by yourself, but can you move around by yourself?  That would make quite the difference about whether or not you take your mother with you to meet him. 
   
   I would say be sure to smile and be friendly (or as Tyra says, smeyes - smile with your eyes), flirt a little maybe (?)(to raise your confidence), and maybe after enough practice of the previous you could gesture to him asking him to come over to you (if you are unable to go to him).
   
   Basically, the same advice I would give anyone.  If he isn't interested, it's his loss.  Not yours.

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   Lecieposted 14 years ago

   you guys are great thanks for the pep talk. i think once in a while everyone could use one.

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      brianzenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      This anxiety is something within you that maybe does not need to exist, it does not serve you, so what have you tried in the past to alleviate it?

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   Richieb799posted 14 years ago

   There's a girl in work who I see everyday, shes been showing some signs of being interested in me lately.. but it's always awkward when your not in that alone space together..I know its hardly the same as your situation, but you can see where Im coming from.. It will be really awkward if I make a move especially as I have to see her everyday and people will be around

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      Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      i see no prob here.  maybe you could walk with her to get lunch - or something like that.  it's a way to get a foot in the door/test the waters. 

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         brianzenposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         It is a good idea and maybe getting her alone could be social, host a get together, and invite her.

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         Richieb799posted 14 years agoin reply to this

         can't really invite her to lunch because there's these loud cocky other men that sit near her and they'd try and make me look stupid because they all fancy her but shes not interested. Guess I could try meeting her at the clocking out part

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            Rafiniposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            yeah.    walk and talk on the way to her car.  wait two days and try it again to see if there's any interest on her part.    good luck!

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