To Spank or not to Spank that is the question?
Spanking should be a last resort, I grew up with spankings that went over the line into abuse. In Indiana spanking by a parent is allowed as long as its on the bottom with an open hand, and not leaving welts or bruises. I do believe that if you are angry enough at your child that you could cause a welt or bruise, then a time-out for the parent is needed before confronting the child on what he/she may have done. Personally my children really don't know what a spanking is, it has been a long time since they have recieved one. With all of todays technology and fun gadgets, it hurts more to take away video games, computers, and cell phones away from kids.
frankmc wrote:
Spanking should be a last resort, I grew up with spankings that went over the line into abuse. In Indiana spanking by a parent is allowed as long as its on the bottom with an open hand, and not leaving welts or bruises. I do believe that if you are angry enough at your child that you could cause a welt or bruise, then a time-out for the parent is needed before confronting the child on what he/she may have done. Personally my children really don't know what a spanking is, it has been a long time since they have recieved one. With all of todays technology and fun gadgets, it hurts more to take away video games, computers, and cell phones away from kids.
Agreed, and we share the same experiences with getting spankings that were def. abuse. When striking a child out of anger it's really easy to go over the line and lose control.
- C.J. Wright
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I think "striking out of anger" is the key. If you are striking the child because you are angry with the behavior its wrong, welt, bruise or not. Corporal punishment has to be done while you or on an even keel. Otherwise you are unintentionally teaching the child to strike out of anger. Would you really want to teach a child that physical violence can be used to regain controll of any situation? If you can't dicuss the issue with the child and then deliver the spanking your probably out of line.
Read your states laws. Don't become a statistic. The law today is statistically driven when it comes to class crimes. A well intended mother/father can easily end up in jail over a "Spanking".
What ever form of punishment you choose, one thing is sure. If you threaten endlessly without follow through, they will run right over you!
92- RainbowRecognizer
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I haven't read all of the replies, but this is a question I pondered myself.
This may have been addressed but the answer lies in how one would want to be treated and taught if he/she was a child. Also, one might consider what lesson is truly being taught with spanking.
The message my children received when I tried spanking was that they would be hit when I was angry or that they would be hit when they did something wrong. Neither taught them the appropriate next action I wanted them to take, or the corrective action.
It simply displays an abusive, controlling mindset... one which our world has enough intelligence and awareness to transcend.
It is not really a difficult question, we just think it is. Therein lies the problem - we think too damned much.
Feel into it with the heart... Do we really need to hit to teach? Of course not. We hit to get our way, which is the same thing toddlers do... and we are supposed to be teaching them the way to create a better life and world...
Yeah, I could go on but I won't. At least not until I write a hub on the subject!
love to all.RainbowRecognizer wrote:
I haven't read all of the replies, but this is a question I pondered myself.
This may have been addressed but the answer lies in how one would want to be treated and taught if he/she was a child. Also, one might consider what lesson is truly being taught with spanking.
The message my children received when I tried spanking was that they would be hit when I was angry or that they would be hit when they did something wrong. Neither taught them the appropriate next action I wanted them to take, or the corrective action.
It simply displays an abusive, controlling mindset... one which our world has enough intelligence and awareness to transcend.
It is not really a difficult question, we just think it is. Therein lies the problem - we think too damned much.
Feel into it with the heart... Do we really need to hit to teach? Of course not. We hit to get our way, which is the same thing toddlers do... and we are supposed to be teaching them the way to create a better life and world...
Yeah, I could go on but I won't. At least not until I write a hub on the subject!
love to all.Since you haven't read all responses, I can tell you that a few of us share your sentiments! Tx!
- 92
- RainbowRecognizer
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Yeah, I figured that it was likely more than a 50/50 split but I just felt like I'd share my 2 cents ;o). He he! I'm pretty passionate on the subject of violence and we can run around trying to justify it all day... the fact is that people are still killing people and this is one area where "all or nothing" truly applies. It's tough, but it's true.
"Hate cannot drive out hate, only Love can do That."
Martin Luther King Jr.
dejajolie wrote:
Ok, here's a sensitive topic I know. However, as someone who has endured several memorable spankings i.e belts, extension chords, and any other hard, sturdy pain inducing make-shift whip...yes Therapy is on the "to do list", don't judge me...
I often ask myself, is it ok to spank. I do not have kids of my own yet and can't imagine what my child would have to do for me to consider spanking them, so I ask..... To Spank, or Not?
There are times that spankings are necessary, you should never wait til they are out of hand, that is when you are more likely to go to far. When a child is being defiant or what they are doing will cause injury to themselves or others, this is when you should spank. Also using your hand makes you the weapon, if you use a flat object that you have to look for first, you will be cooled down before you find it and thirdly, a little sting is all that is needed, you can barely touch them with it and it will be affective, if you are consistent.
You should not use it as a form of punishment, but a teaching tool. It is better to have a butt that stings a little, then get hit by a car cause you won't listen. Make sure they understand what they did wrong, then give a swat or two, then make sure they understand what they should have done, hug them and go on. I only turned my eldest daughters butt pink once, and that was because for the second time I was having to get after her for having a rope around her brothers neck and pulling him over backwards, playing horsey.
Mostly, if you are firm and consistant, you can train a child with out spanking.
91- fishtiger58
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My husband and I never spanked our kids. A swat on the behind that didn't hurt it was an attention getter. There are many other ways to discipline your kids. Take away the video games. That was a big one for my kids. Raise them with love and rules. Make sure they understand. I have 2 teenage sons and rarely have I had a problem with them. They have never been in any major trouble.
I definitely believe in spanking, THE RIGHT WAY, I don't believe that extension cords or hard objects is spanking, but abuse. Abuse is only 'abnormal use', that being said, a good leather belt or a hand on the back side is just fine. I have 4 little ones and my hubby and I spank all of them only after we've told them something 2-10 times. Children often knows their parents limits, or how much they can do before getting in trouble.
Nekiwa http://hubpages.com/hub/A-How-To-Guide- … d-Tantrums
42- bethany0199
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ah what a question. i am a single parent and have found myself to spank my 8 yo boy. whether its right or wrong i dont know all i know is that at the time i did spank i felt it was justified. afterwards all the jibberish about spanking introduces violence seeps back iin and i find myself wondering if i just taught him that hitting is what shows power and in order to obtain power you must hit. so you can argue that it teaches respect or it teaches a forcable way to obtain power
96- rebekahELLE
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bethany0199 wrote:
ah what a question. i am a single parent and have found myself to spank my 8 yo boy. whether its right or wrong i dont know all i know is that at the time i did spank i felt it was justified. afterwards all the jibberish about spanking introduces violence seeps back iin and i find myself wondering if i just taught him that hitting is what shows power and in order to obtain power you must hit. so you can argue that it teaches respect or it teaches a forcable way to obtain power
you sound confused about what to do... if you want to read more about discipline, I just published a hub covering different forms of discipline, it may help you. discipline and parenting techniques for young children.
parenting is not always easy, and it's helpful to be consistent and informed about your choices. whether you're single or married, you're still responsible and want to do the best for your child.I got spanked as a child. My mother had a hairbrush with a wooden handle that she would smack across my bottom or my head or whatever part she could make contact with. That's just the way it was when I was a kid, you got spanked. I have two daughters and have never spanked either one of them. The oldest one I didn't spank, not because I didn't want to she was a holy terror and a good spanking might have done her some good, but mainly because I was too afraid she'd spank me right back...LOL just kidding. And the younger one is so sweet, she's never done anything that deserved a spanking. There is always an alternative to spanking that works, and I don't believe spanking teaches any lessons or good behavior... it just hurts is all. If you want to hurt your kids, go ahead, spank them, but if you want to teach them right from wrong and how to get along in society, find another way.
I was spanked as a little girl by my mother and it only made me fear her, not respect her. As I grew up, I didn't like my mother very much and think it was due to the fact that she was extremely strict. Her strict behavior and spanking didn't change the person I was...I still got into trouble, although I was just sneaky about it so she didn't find out and spank me.
I do not spank my son. Instead, I sit him down and have conversations with him about his behaviors and what I expect. While he doesn't always want to listen to what I am trying to say, I do give him the opportunity to explain himself. This helps him to learn to communicate better and also feel that he is being heard rather than me just disciplining him with a spanking or yelling.
I don't believe spanking solves anything. It doesn't tell a child what they did wrong, nor does it help them to avoid the same behaviors. All spanking does is intimidate a child and makes them cower away from the parent who spanks. While this may temporarily instill a sense of respect in the child toward the parent, it also creates walls between the parent and child that the child puts up in fear.
The best way to get a child to listen, in my opinion, is to get down to their level and talk to them in a mild, but stern manner about their behaviors. Set a list of rules that your child must follow and obey and a set of consequences that must be followed through if the behaviors don't stop. Following through with actions is a must for parents who want to discipline their child. Then, you don't have to use spanking as an alternative to getting a child to listen.
93- prettydarkhorse
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missmarsh wrote:
I was spanked as a little girl by my mother and it only made me fear her, not respect her. As I grew up, I didn't like my mother very much and think it was due to the fact that she was extremely strict. Her strict behavior and spanking didn't change the person I was...I still got into trouble, although I was just sneaky about it so she didn't find out and spank me.
I do not spank my son. Instead, I sit him down and have conversations with him about his behaviors and what I expect. While he doesn't always want to listen to what I am trying to say, I do give him the opportunity to explain himself. This helps him to learn to communicate better and also feel that he is being heard rather than me just disciplining him with a spanking or yelling.
I don't believe spanking solves anything. It doesn't tell a child what they did wrong, nor does it help them to avoid the same behaviors. All spanking does is intimidate a child and makes them cower away from the parent who spanks. While this may temporarily instill a sense of respect in the child toward the parent, it also creates walls between the parent and child that the child puts up in fear.
The best way to get a child to listen, in my opinion, is to get down to their level and talk to them in a mild, but stern manner about their behaviors. Set a list of rules that your child must follow and obey and a set of consequences that must be followed through if the behaviors don't stop. Following through with actions is a must for parents who want to discipline their child. Then, you don't have to use spanking as an alternative to getting a child to listen.you are right, spanking is not good as it brings fear to the child, they may fear but not respect you, consistency and talking to them is good too.
96- Pearldiver
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I was lucky with my kids (or maybe they were lucky with me
) as I only had to use a Scorpio Glare instead of a Scorpio Tail 
84- Merriweather
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It depends on the child and the situation. Running into a parking lot when I've told you not to? You might need a pop on the butt because that's a major safety issue.
If I'm very upset with the child and anything less than 100% sure I can control myself? Absolutely not.
What I don't understand is the theory that one should not spank in the heat of the moment (and I don't). But, I ask you, when else do you feel like spanking that child if not in the heat of the moment?
Discipline should be about teaching, and if we're not careful, we'll teach our kids that it is OK to hit someone. If the child knows the consequences ahead of time and knows what to do to avoid those consequences, then a carefully administered spanking might do some good -- but again, it depends on the child and the circumstances.I never really spanked my kids a lot. When they were in disposable diapers, I did "spank" them on the diaper and it make enough noise to startle them and get their attention. We only spanked their bottoms in major situations and then, if we were in public, we'd take them outside or to the bathroom -somewhere like that. I know sometimes parents feel like they need to spank the child, which is fine, but I hate to see it done in public where everyone can see. That's not only punishing the child but it's humiliating too, I think.
The things that were most effective for my kids were "time out". (It was like not breathing for my daughter!) or taking away a privilege. We spent a lot of time rewarding good behavior also, which I think made a difference.
We have two lovely children that are amazingly well behaved, so we must have done something right! I guess we got our bluff in on them early enough.
Sorry to ramble.
86- Hanna Bambina
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Clearly not to spank. It's not even a debate. I was spanked as a child and it doesn't work! Don't do it!
100- Patty Inglish, MS
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Beginning at age 1 year, I was spanked on the inner bare thighs, without being told what I'd done wrong (I was talking and understanding before 1), with a long paddle through which holes had been cut to reduce wind resistance. This was only one of many "punishments" to these body areas and by the time I was 13, I had waking visions of being buried alive, the dirt and dankness suffocating me.
One smack on the clothed posterior to interrupt unwanted behavior is not the same thing, imo.- 96
- rebekahELLE
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Patty Inglish, MS wrote:
Beginning at age 1 year, I was spanked on the inner bare thighs, without being told what I'd done wrong (I was talking and understanding before 1), with a long paddle through which holes had been cut to reduce wind resistance. This was only one of many "punishments" to these body areas and by the time I was 13, I had waking visions of being buried alive, the dirt and dankness suffocating me.
One smack on the clothed posterior to interrupt unwanted behavior is not the same thing, imo.how traumatizing! and that's such an important point.
you can still remember those kinds of inflictions as you grow.
if anyone is interested, I have a hub about disciplining young children. it does make a difference.
