Haven't dated in two years
91- Jonathan Janco
- 360 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 32
I've taken to being deliberately single and isolated for quite a while. I'm finally getting to the point where I want to allow love into my life again, but talking to someone I'm actually interested in has become such a foreign concept. I'm somewhat social, but I feel I'm kind of at a loss as to what I should do first to transit back to allowing myself to be emotionally available. I can't seem to stop putting my defenses up. Any advice would be welcome.
92- shamelabboush
- 616 posts
- Joined: 8 months ago
- Hubs: 38
- Fans: 251
You should open up to life more often and dust off that rust on your heart... Everything will be alright!
93- L. Andrew Marr
- 511 posts
- Joined: 4 months ago
- Hubs: 49
- Fans: 68
Jump in at the deep end.
Either that or become an introvist.
=]
Luke.
95- myownworld
- 1584 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 172
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
15- Wonder_Woman
- 297 posts
- Joined: 2 months ago
- Hubs: 0
- Fans: 19
defenses are commen to everyone.
Just open up enough to show who you are
if people dont like it move on
its fine being different if we were all the same how boring would that be? dont be afriad to show what you are about
i put my character out there without no masks or bs, im pretty blunt about things and i dont care if some people dont like it, i found others who respect it.- 92
- shamelabboush
- 616 posts
- Joined: 8 months ago
- Hubs: 38
- Fans: 251
myownworld wrote:
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
are you?
- 93
- L. Andrew Marr
- 511 posts
- Joined: 4 months ago
- Hubs: 49
- Fans: 68
Hang on, I feel like that wasn't very helpful.
Carpe Diem
Jump in there at the deep end. If things go toots up then just pick yourself up, laugh about it and build a metaphorical bridge.
Become an ironist. Not to the extreme side of laughing at everything but just enough that you don't care what people think. That way you can preserve your confidence.
I hope that's better.
Luke - 95
- myownworld
- 1584 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 172
shamelabboush wrote:
myownworld wrote:
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
are you?
lol...do I sound like it?!! (married and suffocated more like it!)
Before you can love another you must first begin to love yourself. When you finally love yourself then the vibes you emit will be picked up by a suitable lover and then you can love together.
When i was on the shelf it was a lonely place but instead of considering myself as surplus stock i put myself in the discount section and within weeks i had been purchased by my now fiance of 9 nearly ten years.
To sum up, don't sell yourself short and learn to love yourself.
hope this helps.
90- lynnechandler
- 754 posts
- Joined: 6 months ago
- Hubs: 80
- Fans: 89
Hmmm...got you beat on this one. It's been 5 years and counting. Matter of fact just had the 5 yr anniversary a week ago.
It is lonely and hard but it is what I have chosen for myself. If you are ready to dip your toes back into the pond, go slowly and tread water for a while. I don't know your exact situation but if it were me that is how I would handle it.
88- Black Lilly
- 465 posts
- Joined: 3 weeks ago
- Hubs: 9
- Fans: 30
Do you mean a more or less serious relationship here, or just dating?
95- rebekahELLE
- 1261 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 15
- Fans: 137
sometimes you just have to get over the first hurdle and then it's not so hard. go to the places where you may be able to casually strike up a conversation. starbucks, barnes and noble, cozy cafes.
you can use the book they're reading for a starter into a conversation. it has worked for me and if they're not interested or too into their book, nothing lost. theres never anything wrong with being friendly.
think about where you like to go and meet those kind of people.
isolation can be good for a while then you need to get back out there and just be you.- 95
- rebekahELLE
- 1261 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 15
- Fans: 137
paulgc wrote:
Before you can love another you must first begin to love yourself. When you finally love yourself then the vibes you emit will be picked up by a suitable lover and then you can love together.
When i was on the shelf it was a lonely place but instead of considering myself as surplus stock i put myself in the discount section and within weeks i had been purchased by my now fiance of 9 nearly ten years.
To sum up, don't sell yourself short and learn to love yourself.
hope this helps.that's a great way to say it. love that.
- 91
- Jonathan Janco
- 360 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 32
Black Lilly wrote:
Do you mean a more or less serious relationship here, or just dating?
What I mean is, in two yrs I haven't been in a relationship, dated anyone or even gone on a single 'date'. I haven't even pursued anyone. Like I said, deliberately isolated.
78- hoodieweather
- 90 posts
- Joined: 2 months ago
- Hubs: 5
- Fans: 15
Jonathan Janco wrote:
I've taken to being deliberately single and isolated for quite a while. I'm finally getting to the point where I want to allow love into my life again, but talking to someone I'm actually interested in has become such a foreign concept. I'm somewhat social, but I feel I'm kind of at a loss as to what I should do first to transit back to allowing myself to be emotionally available. I can't seem to stop putting my defenses up. Any advice would be welcome.
It's been over a year for me. I feel the same way as you do. It's a hard road to travel. Good luck though. I'm sure someone will come about.
- 91
- Jonathan Janco
- 360 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 32
myownworld wrote:
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
If you're married and frustrated, you might find this difficult to relate to, but being single and frustrated kinda sucks, too.
- 88
- Black Lilly
- 465 posts
- Joined: 3 weeks ago
- Hubs: 9
- Fans: 30
Jonathan Janco wrote:
Black Lilly wrote:
Do you mean a more or less serious relationship here, or just dating?
What I mean is, in two yrs I haven't been in a relationship, dated anyone or even gone on a single 'date'. I haven't even pursued anyone. Like I said, deliberately isolated.
And why did you punish yourself so hard? what's the reason behind it?
- 95
- myownworld
- 1584 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 172
Jonathan Janco wrote:
myownworld wrote:
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
If you're married and frustrated, you might find this difficult to relate to, but being single and frustrated kinda sucks, too.
let's swap lives for a while...and see how it goes!
- 88
- Black Lilly
- 465 posts
- Joined: 3 weeks ago
- Hubs: 9
- Fans: 30
myownworld wrote:
Jonathan Janco wrote:
myownworld wrote:
'single and isolated for a while'....hmm...sounds like a dream!
If you're married and frustrated, you might find this difficult to relate to, but being single and frustrated kinda sucks, too.
let's swap lives for a while...and see how it goes!
If you're that unhappy - why don't you just dump your husband and get a life?
What if he reads your posts? - 91
- Jonathan Janco
- 360 posts
- Joined: 3 months ago
- Hubs: 13
- Fans: 32
Black Lilly wrote:
Jonathan Janco wrote:
Black Lilly wrote:
Do you mean a more or less serious relationship here, or just dating?
What I mean is, in two yrs I haven't been in a relationship, dated anyone or even gone on a single 'date'. I haven't even pursued anyone. Like I said, deliberately isolated.
And why did you punish yourself so hard? what's the reason behind it?
Well, there were a variety of problems. i.e., drinking too much, harboring emotions from past exp., not to mention my fair share of insecurities that I should've dealt with earlier. Being alone for so long allowed me to get some clarity on what to do for myself, but I thought that was the hard part. Turns out it was much easier than reintroducing myself to the world.
