Gay people in my family. Inherited? Choice? Victim of circumstances?
84- WaffleCheese
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I know this is a hot topic, but there are some people in my family (none blood related [that I know of]) That are gay. Some are open, some say they are 'recovering' and some might not have even come out yet.
Without being too specific, one member has a child who has effeminate tendencies, and the rest of his brothers are very boyish. Inherited? Looks like it.
Another was straight (according to him) for a very long time before he 'decided' (his words) that he had feelings that have grown to feel right with him. When he was in grade school, he had an innocent girlfriend, but was also caught holding hands with a boy in his class and once kissing him. Since then, he has tended towards homosexuality. Life choice? Looks like it.
Another in my family was once in junior high and was very naive (very sheltered life). One of the boys told him in the locker room that he 'had a boner' and that he was gay. He never heard of the word 'boner', nor 'gay.' He went home, looked up what a boner was, and has been looking at them ever since. Victim of circumstance? Looks like it.
I wonder if the debate will ever rest. In my own family, I see support on all sides.
92- prettydarkhorse
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until now social scientists cant pinpoint exactly what causes homosexuality, socialization or hereditary......
72- rhamson
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I think it is like trying to define love. Why do you love one person or several in particular? The choice is yours. Where the problem lies is when you look for social acceptance.
78- Revive@OwnRisk
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The most important, useful, nonerroneous information on this subject comes from gay people themselves. If you want accurate information about homosexuality, you don't ask homophobic heterosexual people about it. You ask homosexuals.
There are people who decide to become gay. The reasons are varied. However, on the whole, most all the gay people I know have had those feelings from very early on. And many of them are not in any way effeminate.
I can tell you personally, that I did not choose to be gay. It's been the damndest awful inconvenience of my whole life. I had a life plan, and it didn't include being gay, but after dealing with it all my life, going through reparative therapy, lots of bible-bashing homophobes, and much more, this is who I am, and I am finally at peace. I didn't choose it any more than I chose my gender, my hair color or eye color or any number of other things.
Yes, some people choose to be gay. It's called experimentation. It's probably a result of having extremely little sexual experimentation while going through puberty and earlier years, so now they are making up the difference. You often find these people are only gay for a while, then go back.
However, for the most part, most gay people will tell you they didn't choose their sexual preference. Most will tell you they wouldn't wish it on anyone, simply because of all the shame and discrimination it brings.I think that homosexuals are born that way. Scientists have found evidence of homosexuality in almost every species, for example, bonobos (a type of higher-level primate) and penguins.
My closest friend is gay and he definitely did not want to be. For years, he tried to be straight and even slept with women ... but it just didn't feel right to him. He ultimately had to be who he is. It took him a lot of work, but he's finally reached a point where he's happy and proud to be out. But was it his choice? No.
For the record, he's not effeminate at all. I also understand that some people do experiment. My thought — and this is only a speculation on my part; I've never really come across anything to back it up — is that everyone's on a spectrum when it comes to homosexuality.
In the end, though, humans are so complicated, I'm not sure we're ever going to get a definitive answer on why some people are gay, and some aren't.A new study came out that showed the 'gay gene' was on the mother's side of the family just like color-blindness and baldness.
Their findings showed that a family with more than one gay person usually came from the mother's side.
Also, twins separated at birth are more often than not gay or straight together, even though they weren't raised together.
Genes definitely play a role but so does environment. If you're a Southern Baptist, I doubt you will ever come out or think about those tendencies
If you were raised with close gay friends or relatives, you would be more into exploring any thoughts of being gay.
But who cares, really?Who cares? Anyone who is hoping for grandchildren.
Well, even then, there are other ways of becoming parents...
TMinut wrote:
Who cares? Anyone who is hoping for grandchildren.
Hahaha Adoption!
Yes, but it's so special and wonderful to see how like other family members the littles are.
Though of course, those unadopted babies and children need someone to love and take care of them. My brother wants kids but he wants them to be his biological kids. Apparently there's more to it than just wanting a child to care for.TMinut wrote:
Yes, but it's so special and wonderful to see how like other family members the littles are.
Though of course, those unadopted babies and children need someone to love and take care of them. My brother wants kids but he wants them to be his biological kids. Apparently there's more to it than just wanting a child to care for.But you are wanting grandchildren for your own interests. That's more selfish than family orientated.
80- Bovine Currency
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I believe genetics are more than biology. I am in no way suggesting being gay or homosexual to be a mental illness but it was once considered so and probably is by many people. I do not consider myself homosexual but I have had sexual experiences with men. I didn't not enjoy it but I was not entirely comfortable with the experience, for whatever reasons, I am not inclined to share. I enjoy sex with women more so and don't think I will be involved with a man again. It doesn't bother me that I had gay sex as much as it might bother some people if I told them. Funny though, I have told a fair few people and they just didn't care. I guess I still find men sexually attractive but I don't want to be intimate with them. I was involved as a friend only with an older gay male couple and I learnt a lot from them. They were not a stereotyped couple or individuals. They joked about women like I do with heterosexual guys but they don't hate women. They are not effeminate and didn't really care for politics.
I have strong views on most things political and I defend against prejudice always. I think homosexuality is probably as natural for those who partake in it as heterosexuality is for others. Why? I don't think it really matters. Sexual preference doesn't make the man (or the woman). If you grow up with family members who are homosexual, yes, it probably does increase chances of being the same but I doubt it being a biological occurence. Maybe it is tho, thats just my view. Could be choice also and yes victim too. Young men who are subjected to abuse could be confused with their sexuality, that would be natural. I made my choice to experiment because I had thoughts and feelings that were causing me harm. It was bothering me to think about men in a sexual and romantic way and eventually the opportunity came up and I tried it out. The biggest hurdle for me was the thought it was wrong to be gay even owning those thoughts and behaviours. I was in many ways nurtured by my society to feel that way. It is sad. Each to their own. Cheerio
Wanting biological grandchildren is selfish? What an odd perspective.
TMinut wrote:
Wanting biological grandchildren is selfish? What an odd perspective.
Yeah, especially if you have gay children and don't want them to adopt.
Even though no one can say what exactly causes homosexuality, we know a few things about it.
Studies show that in the majority of cases, professing homosexuals (I think this study was just with men, I'm not sure, I can't remember what institute had it now), have had some sort of traumatic event either just before or during puberty.
Although the same trauma can be found in those who remain straight, there is a character type that reacts negative to this trauma in a percentage of youths.
They stated that if the youth with this "character type" (I can't remember the exact term they used, but if I remember correctly it was found in a small percentage of youths), and they suffered one or a combination of these traumatic events before or during puberty, it negatively effected their sexual identity.
The trauma's that were listed to be found in the majority of homosexuals interviewed were the following.
1) Sexual Abuse
2) Absent positive male role model (father figure)
3) Over bearing/controlling mother
They said that in males, this trauma before or during puberty causes sexual adentity crisis, and the young man, hungry for love from a father figure, confuses that desire with sexual attraction because of the trauma.
I have six children, and my oldest son is gay. Doing research about the matter is how I found this information on a reputible medical website that was neither pro or anti gay, but a real medical facility reporting the results of studies.
I will try to find where it was, I'm having Dell problems right now, so my computer with all my links and bookmarks is dead (thanks dell)
Hope this information is of use.Seems there's no conclusive proof either way or how being gay comes about. So far all the people I know who are gay have been molested as children except for one. That one did it as a rebellion to her family strangely enough.
If evolution chooses for traits that increase the odds of passing on one's own genes then homosexuality is obviously an aberration. Those genes should have died out; since they haven't, there must be more than mere genetics to it.TMinut wrote:
Seems there's no conclusive proof either way or how being gay comes about. So far all the people I know who are gay have been molested as children except for one. That one did it as a rebellion to her family strangely enough.
If evolution chooses for traits that increase the odds of passing on one's own genes then homosexuality is obviously an aberration. Those genes should have died out; since they haven't, there must be more than mere genetics to it.It's a recessive trait if anything. Doesn't mean it "dies out."
Not too many redheads marry other redheads, yet they still pop up everywhere. They don't "die out."
Recessive traits are everywhere.- 80
- Bovine Currency
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Jawa Lunk wrote:
Even though no one can say what exactly causes homosexuality, we know a few things about it.
Studies show that in the majority of cases, professing homosexuals (I think this study was just with men, I'm not sure, I can't remember what institute had it now), have had some sort of traumatic event either just before or during puberty.
Although the same trauma can be found in those who remain straight, there is a character type that reacts negative to this trauma in a percentage of youths.
They stated that if the youth with this "character type" (I can't remember the exact term they used, but if I remember correctly it was found in a small percentage of youths), and they suffered one or a combination of these traumatic events before or during puberty, it negatively effected their sexual identity.
The trauma's that were listed to be found in the majority of homosexuals interviewed were the following.
1) Sexual Abuse
2) Absent positive male role model (father figure)
3) Over bearing/controlling mother
They said that in males, this trauma before or during puberty causes sexual adentity crisis, and the young man, hungry for love from a father figure, confuses that desire with sexual attraction because of the trauma.
I have six children, and my oldest son is gay. Doing research about the matter is how I found this information on a reputible medical website that was neither pro or anti gay, but a real medical facility reporting the results of studies.
I will try to find where it was, I'm having Dell problems right now, so my computer with all my links and bookmarks is dead (thanks dell)
Hope this information is of use.I am not having a dig but these types of studies, as much as they may have the right intentions (or not) are naive. This is my personal view and based on my experience with study of the science, experience as a psychiatric patient and an obsession with socio-linguistics and social theory. Yes, my research has been subjectively motivated but so is all research. Those criteria you mention from the research could be applied to many people and other criteria could lead to different conclusions. A great deal of academic research is independent by claim but funded by corporations, lobby groups or government, pharmaceutical companies and the like. Most of us could identify with teenage trauma. Puberty shapes us all. I don't think there is much evidence that being gay is a result of trauma. I also understand what you might be experiencing. My mother would say things like this after I was institutionalised with schizophenia and chronic depression.
Bovine Currency wrote:
Jawa Lunk wrote:
Even though no one can say what exactly causes homosexuality, we know a few things about it.
Studies show that in the majority of cases, professing homosexuals (I think this study was just with men, I'm not sure, I can't remember what institute had it now), have had some sort of traumatic event either just before or during puberty.
Although the same trauma can be found in those who remain straight, there is a character type that reacts negative to this trauma in a percentage of youths.
They stated that if the youth with this "character type" (I can't remember the exact term they used, but if I remember correctly it was found in a small percentage of youths), and they suffered one or a combination of these traumatic events before or during puberty, it negatively effected their sexual identity.
The trauma's that were listed to be found in the majority of homosexuals interviewed were the following.
1) Sexual Abuse
2) Absent positive male role model (father figure)
3) Over bearing/controlling mother
They said that in males, this trauma before or during puberty causes sexual adentity crisis, and the young man, hungry for love from a father figure, confuses that desire with sexual attraction because of the trauma.
I have six children, and my oldest son is gay. Doing research about the matter is how I found this information on a reputible medical website that was neither pro or anti gay, but a real medical facility reporting the results of studies.
I will try to find where it was, I'm having Dell problems right now, so my computer with all my links and bookmarks is dead (thanks dell)
Hope this information is of use.I am not having a dig but these types of studies, as much as they may have the right intentions (or not) are naive. This is my personal view and based on my experience with study of the science, experience as a psychiatric patient and an obsession with socio-linguistics and social theory. Yes, my research has been subjectively motivated but so is all research. Those criteria you mention from the research could be applied to many people and other criteria could lead to different conclusions. A great deal of academic research is independent by claim but funded by corporations, lobby groups or government, pharmaceutical companies and the like. Most of us could identify with teenage trauma. Puberty shapes us all. I don't think there is much evidence that being gay is a result of trauma. I also understand what you might be experiencing. My mother would say things like this after I was institutionalised with schizophenia and chronic depression.
Yeah, I don't believe in the trauma or sexually abused stuff.
I mean if trauma during puberty "caused" people to be gay, then I'm sure there would've been a huge increase in African American males being gay during the slavery years.
If growing up in slavery isn't trauma, I don't know what is.
93- Colebabie
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It all depends. Sexual orientation is a scale anyways. All of my gay friends have told me they felt they were born gay, the decision was just when to come out.
Studies, academic research, statistics, blah blah blah, just look at an individual. And as individuals there isn't going to be one definitive answer. So I agree with the original poster. It all depends on the person.
