No divorce please
Lisa HW wrote:
How about this 107-year-old lady who may divorce her 22nd husband...
http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/0 … index.html
(and we think Americans are bad when it comes to divorces..
)107 years that is a long time. Is the old lady still dating.
96- Lisa HW
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I don't know if she's still dating, but she apparently looks for younger husbands because she starts to worry that her present husband will be interested in younger women (like 85, maybe?
). I don't know, but I think if you're 107 you have to come to grips with the fact that there's a heck of a lot of younger women out there. hahaha funny thing.
- Courtney Brewer
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I'm really confused right now, and i feel foolish for broadcasting my biz like this, but im soo overwhelmed with grief, I have a two year old son, and I got married when i was 19 for the "stardust" which is now gone, and now seeing his family roots and mine even though we both vary from our families, we are nothing alike, we don't share the same goals, r priorities, and i realy have tried everything to make it work, and i feel so crappy about the environment hat i exposed my son to, becuase i think i ran away and got married to run away from home ya know, anyways our relationship is abusive so i honestly am afraid toughing it out would mean certain death, i have been to the hospital twice, for "anger driven accidents" but now my son is attached to his dad and i have no job, no money, and my main focus was to be at home with my kids when they are little, but now im all discombobulated and don't know what to do, obviously i had to run back to the home i ran away from, and now what should i do as far s work, my son, my future, i feel so devastated....
66- hinckles koma
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JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariDivorce to me is like abortion, freedom of choice I wouldn't change a thing. Exept offer marriage counseling .
- 66
- hinckles koma
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Courtney Brewer wrote:
I'm really confused right now, and i feel foolish for broadcasting my biz like this, but im soo overwhelmed with grief, I have a two year old son, and I got married when i was 19 for the "stardust" which is now gone, and now seeing his family roots and mine even though we both vary from our families, we are nothing alike, we don't share the same goals, r priorities, and i realy have tried everything to make it work, and i feel so crappy about the environment hat i exposed my son to, becuase i think i ran away and got married to run away from home ya know, anyways our relationship is abusive so i honestly am afraid toughing it out would mean certain death, i have been to the hospital twice, for "anger driven accidents" but now my son is attached to his dad and i have no job, no money, and my main focus was to be at home with my kids when they are little, but now im all discombobulated and don't know what to do, obviously i had to run back to the home i ran away from, and now what should i do as far s work, my son, my future, i feel so devastated....
Your son is now the most important thing, try to relax anyway possible. You are a mother that's a huge title live up to it, dont worry time and only time heals everything.
87- gracenotes
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My parents had a solid 55-year marriage, and both of my siblings are married, happy, and still with their original spouse. But I've been divorced for over 3 years. I had one marriage, and do not wish to try it ever again. My ex and I are on good terms, though, and since I married very late in life, we did not have any children. That helped to be able to accept the failure -- that, and the fact that we both came to the place where we finally, mutually decided to end our marriage after almost 6 years.
We did try very hard to make our marriage work.
In the end, I had spent many more years single than married. It was not much of an adjustment for me to return to being alone, and I am happier than I've ever been. However, I'll always feel badly that because I got a divorce, I might have brought discouragement to someone in the body of Christ. When thoughts come back to nag me, I remember that I have been forgiven.
One good thing about my life post-divorce -- I am beyond thrilled when someone tells me about an upcoming marriage or talks sincerely about how in love they are with their spouse after 25 years. I don't envy them anymore. I just rejoice with them.- 66
- hinckles koma
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gracenotes wrote:
My parents had a solid 55-year marriage, and both of my siblings are married, happy, and still with their original spouse. But I've been divorced for over 3 years. I had one marriage, and do not wish to try it ever again. My ex and I are on good terms, though, and since I married very late in life, we did not have any children. That helped to be able to accept the failure -- that, and the fact that we both came to the place where we finally, mutually decided to end our marriage after almost 6 years.
We did try very hard to make our marriage work.
In the end, I had spent many more years single than married. It was not much of an adjustment for me to return to being alone, and I am happier than I've ever been. However, I'll always feel badly that because I got a divorce, I might have brought discouragement to someone in the body of Christ. When thoughts come back to nag me, I remember that I have been forgiven.
One good thing about my life post-divorce -- I am beyond thrilled when someone tells me about an upcoming marriage or talks sincerely about how in love they are with their spouse after 25 years. I don't envy them anymore. I just rejoice with them.
I don't know how this 25 years work but iam praying for a miracle. IT is very hard to go through this but i don't believe in staying together if one doesn't want to. You are strong example of a independent woman iam proud of you. Its easier for men than us women in everything even sex. God planned something for us to be made out of stone outside and inside to crumple. Time is our healer. Enjoy life as he does and don't ever dwell on the past.Drive wild now you deserved it. Divorce, Separated, Married ... all paper work as long as you want to be together be together but no attachments, don't believe in them. What will women do if divorce was not an option? better question : What did they do?
- 66
- hinckles koma
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hinckles koma wrote:
gracenotes wrote:
My parents had a solid 55-year marriage, and both of my siblings are married, happy, and still with their original spouse. But I've been divorced for over 3 years. I had one marriage, and do not wish to try it ever again. My ex and I are on good terms, though, and since I married very late in life, we did not have any children. That helped to be able to accept the failure -- that, and the fact that we both came to the place where we finally, mutually decided to end our marriage after almost 6 years.
We did try very hard to make our marriage work.
In the end, I had spent many more years single than married. It was not much of an adjustment for me to return to being alone, and I am happier than I've ever been. However, I'll always feel badly that because I got a divorce, I might have brought discouragement to someone in the body of Christ. When thoughts come back to nag me, I remember that I have been forgiven.
One good thing about my life post-divorce -- I am beyond thrilled when someone tells me about an upcoming marriage or talks sincerely about how in love they are with their spouse after 25 years. I don't envy them anymore. I just rejoice with them.
I don't know how this 25 years work but iam praying for a miracle. IT is very hard to go through this but i don't believe in staying together if one doesn't want to. You are strong example of a independent woman iam proud of you. Its easier for men than us women in everything even sex. God planned something for us to be made out of stone outside and inside to crumple. Time is our healer. Enjoy life as he does and don't ever dwell on the past.Drive wild now you deserved it. Divorce, Separated, Married ... all paper work as long as you want to be together be together but no attachments, don't believe in them. What will women do if divorce was not an option? better question : What did they do?
Don't look for Marriage look for a friend.
So stay in a loveless and possibly bitter marriage for the sake of the children? The children will learn important lessons like love has no place in a marriage. *rolls eyes*
I'm also seeing a lot of people talk about how others don't have any respect for marriage. I didn't know marriage was a person whose feelings could be hurt and offended.Marisa Wright wrote:
As a divorcee, I know only too well how devastating divorce can be. But I don't think "forgive, forgive, make it work" is the solution.
When I look back at previous generations, I see a lot of people who stuck it out in their marriages through thick and thin. Being divorced was so shameful that they stayed with partners they hated, husbands who were cruel to them, wives who were spiteful, spouses who were mismatched - and led a miserable life. Today's generations believe they have a right to have a happy, fulfilled life, and I think that's a reasonable expectation. If their marriage is making them completely miserable, then it makes no sense to struggle on. It only makes two people miserable - and probably the kids, too.
I think the solution starts right back at the beginning - in making sure that people get married to the right person in the first place. Our society teaches us that the person we should marry is the person we fall in starry-eyed love with, the one who sets fireworks off in our hearts - even though we may have nothing in common, and have completely different goals and desires in life. No wonder, when the stardust wears off in a couple of years, the marriage starts to fall apart. I think we should be making it harder to get married, not necessarily harder to get divorced.
Mind you, in Australia it takes two years to get a divorce - plenty of time for reflection. From what I hear, in some parts of America it's ridiculously quick.Oh, so right, Marisa. I heartily agree. You said it for me--make it harder to get married and there will be fewer divorces.
Often, marriages are held TOGETHER by the children. I know many couples who stuck together until the kids were through school, then, when the nest was empty found they had nothing in common and nothing much to say to each other anymore. Some of the divorces are "empty nest" divorces. The adult children accept the situation and often tell one or the other partner, "You should have done this YEARS ago."
80- JulietduPreez
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I've been divorced and question the purpose of marriage.
One can commit without a piece of paper. It also helps to ward off co-dependency, retain one's individuality and let go of all of the unwritten "should's" in marriage.
90- JYOTI KOTHARI
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JulietduPreez wrote:
I've been divorced and question the purpose of marriage.
One can commit without a piece of paper. It also helps to ward off co-dependency, retain one's individuality and let go of all of the unwritten "should's" in marriage.Hi JulietduPreez,
What's the next?
Jyoti Kothari
93- lrohner
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JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariJyoti, you are a very, very wise man. I do believe in marriage. I don't believe in divorce (unless there's any kind of outward abuse going on.) And yet, I'm divorced. The divorce was hell, it changed me, and it changed my children. I don't know what the answer is to the problem, but I sure hope someone finds it.
- 90
- JYOTI KOTHARI
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lrohner wrote:
JYOTI KOTHARI wrote:
Modern days witness a lot of divorces. This is spreading like an epidemic over the globe. There are many divorces now-a-days even in the countries where family bond was traditionally very strong.
It creates a lot of emotional and financial problems. And , of course, legal too.
The children are the worst victims. They are penalized for an action of their parents.
We have to rethink the whole social structure.
Jyoti kothariJyoti, you are a very, very wise man. I do believe in marriage. I don't believe in divorce (unless there's any kind of outward abuse going on.) And yet, I'm divorced. The divorce was hell, it changed me, and it changed my children. I don't know what the answer is to the problem, but I sure hope someone finds it.
Hi Lisa,
Thanks for your compliments I am not worthy of. It makes me sad when I hear of a divorce. I don't want a family suffering with emotional and economic problems that generally occur with divorces.
Understanding and tolerance are the key words keeping divorce away.
Thanks,
Jyoti Kothari 
73- Revive@OwnRisk
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pgrundy wrote:
People are so harsh and judgmental about divorce. No one ever talks about the negative effect intact marriages have on children when the marriages are awful and the parents fight and/or hate each other, or the whole arrangement is just sick and demented, which it sometimes is. My father used to goad my mother into bursting into tears at the dinner table. When he got what he wanted she'd run into her bedroom and lock the door for the rest of the night. He beat my brother with a belt and terrorized the whole family in the name of religion, and late in life became a leader in our Church, even though at home he was a tyrant and an abusive, cruel little man. I did love him, he was my father after all--but if I look at it honestly I can't say that particular 'successful' marriage helped anybody--not him, not my mother, not his four children. Two of my siblings are seriously addicted and chronically ill, the third is a violent sociopath, and I have been divorced three times, in therapy on and off my whole life, and will not try marriage again.
It's easy to sit back and judge, but until you have walked in another person's shoes it is really more compassionate and wise to hold your tongue.
On a historical note, the sanctimony surrounding marriage in the Christian tradition is completely unwarranted. The early Church only allowed it because some of the members couldn't manage to stay chaste until the end--they expected the world to end and Jesus to return in their lifetime, and celibacy was the preferred situation until that happened.
Marriage is disintegrating in the U.S. because women can get jobs. When they can't get jobs anymore (which may be soon in this economy) they will be unable to leave and their husbands will once again be free to beat them into submission or humiliate them at the dinner table or anything else they feel like doing.I agree with you. Rethinking the family structure does not necessarily mean staying in a marriage that will only make everyone dysfunctional. Perhaps defining what a family is to each couple is more important than before. Perhaps defining expectations and value would help.
I am divorced, and I can tell you that it was one of the best things I ever did. And now that it's done and I'm a few years down the road, all the toxic people I used to know are evaporating with that divorce.
Divorce isn't always a blessing, but it was in my case and in many others.I think the problem with judging divorce is that the wrong people get judged in the name of mercy, tolerance, and love. While there are abusers who break marriages, there are also male and female harlots, liars, and cowards who cheat on their marriages.
The promise in the wedding vows is not just to stick together like glue, but it is to love. Not just feel in a loving mood all the time, but to deliver love, to care.
The problem is people who are in the wrong look for excuses and ways to blame the other spouse. Often they incite the other spouse into bad behavior and seize the opportunity to break out when they have an excuse in hand.
Some extort what they want from their spouses narcissistically threatening breakup or divorce as if to say, "If you don't give me what I want, I will play the harlot on our marriage." Truth is a person has to be a harlot at heart to make such a terrible threat to break the marriage. And a liar. And a hypocrite. And only a fool would marry a person who had treated their family this way.
Yet our government with its no-fault divorce laws robs the faithful to coddle the unfaithful. After all, they provide a healthy source of extortion and wealth to the divorce industry. Here in America, a cheating spouse and lover can drag a faithful spouse into court to be threatened with the most grave of unjust losses: children, family, house, property, and support payments.
Why can our courts be so hideously unjust? Are they inept? Ignorant? Stupid? Or are they corrupt? Do they find a source of ill-gotten gain in all this? Trace out what happens and where the money goes.
Some giggalo or floozy goes on the prowl for an unfaithful spouse who can be taken. Perhaps this is satisfy a bad self-esteem. Perhaps is for carnal pleasures or forbidden pleasures, something taboo. And, perhaps this, combined with the rich rewards of taking all that a faithful spouse has and cruising on a free income under the guise of child support? What better way to steal than to do it while hiding behind the well-being of the children?
So, now the government has subsidized adultery with the loot robbed from the faithful, the court pauses a moment to capture their share of the loot. The faithful spouse is threatened with this grave loss and made to feel he or she needs an attorney for protection. At $200/hour and a $2000 retainer to make sure it is all paid in advance. The retainer is quickly spent on paperwork and it's time for court. How about another $2000 retainer? And of course, the longer injustice is prolonged, the more attorneys can charge.
But, where's the judge's cut in all this? As attorneys are in greater demand, the state legislatures have to raise judges' salaries to keep them from going back into private practice. Maybe. But, maybe there are other sources of income not yet mentioned.
Now the divorce is over and the property division is settled, but child custody is a very contentions matter. Why? Well, logically, it would be pretty asinine for a court to throw the children over to be raised in a house of adultery, and it would be an act of great cowardice and indecency to rob the faithful and their children of their right to live together in love enjoying the shared family assets. But, that is exactly what the courts do. Why? Because they have an excuse and a guise. They can say it is better for the children to be with a couple than a single parent.
Does this sound unconstitional? It is. Only a liar or an idiot would say otherwise. It is deprivation without due process. But that's easily solved by lying about what the constitution requires. But, where is the right to a jury? Where is the right to be found guilty before being deprived this way? It is said this is a civil matter since it is between two parties with shared interests that must be divided.
Well, how about this? How about respecting the right of the spouse who is wronged to keep the marriage or bring a fault based divorce?
With no-fault, a person is robbed, a family is deprived without being found guilty of anything. Should a spouse who is playing the harlot on the marriage have the right to do this to the family without proving them guilty of anything at all? Should the innocent be robbed? Or are our courts and our legislators too cowardly, dishonest, and inept or too lazy to do anything to correct this injustice?
Senator Feinstein in California, where the heck are you? Senator Boxer? President Obama? Hillary Clinton? Are you going to do something, or are you unable or unwilling, or not good enough?
When will this injustice end?
If people abuse their families or decide to cheat on them and give cause for divorce, they are the ones who should be out in the cold and harassed by child support services.
Coming back to the corruption issue, with no-fault divorce, the courts have a very strong incentive to assign custody in a manner that will bring the greatest windfall since there is Federal and State funding based on the amount of child support collected.
How many judges or family members of judges are on the boards of these child support services?
Of course, this might just all be a conspiracy theory from some crazy person. But, there seem to be more and more people around who claim to have seen these things with their own eyes and who claim to have been deprived unjustly, and claim to have loved ones, brothers, sisters, friends who have been deprived unjustly this way.
Oh, yes there are those who deserve to be forced to pay child support. There are deadbeat dads who run out on a marriage and leave the family to fend for itself. And if you go to a child support court meeting, you will find plenty of them.
But, that does not justify the evil of raping the very souls of the faithful in the very worst way.
As for the violent person or unfaithful person who is a hypocrite in a highest place in the church, sometimes you have to accept that there are some churches who are really stupid and hypocritical and ungodly and will coddle the unfaithful and abusive in the name of tolerance while giving the faithful spouse a severe emotional beating and rejection. Perhaps there is a good reason a loving God can send some people to hell or allow them to send themselves there.
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