Ghostbusters on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) – Worst Video Games Ever

Who You Gonna Call? A Psychiatrist!

Ghostbusters was one of the worst games ever made for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and the game wasn’t much better on other platforms. For most kids, they rented this game and spent the rest of the weekend crying. The game is a stain on the human race in general. The design of the game is so incredibly inept and stupid that it makes trying underwear on at J.C. Penney sound like a good idea in comparison. Seriously, this is one of those games that make you think, “What am I doing with my life? Why am I doing this? Shouldn’t I be outside more?”

The back of the box looked really cool. It showed the Ghostbusters doing awesome things. There was the Marshmallow Man, and the Ghostbusters were climbing a staircase. The box said a bunch of things. “One Hit Song.” Yeah, the song was a hit, and it was great in the movie. They really meant one hit song here, though! As in, this is the only song you’re going to hear throughout the entire game, over and over!

The Original Box Art Makes the Game Look Pretty Neat. Too Bad This Almost Shows the Entire "Game," If you Can Even Call It A Game. It's More Like a Slideshow That Children Drew, and You Can Push Buttons to Advance It.
The Original Box Art Makes the Game Look Pretty Neat. Too Bad This Almost Shows the Entire "Game," If you Can Even Call It A Game. It's More Like a Slideshow That Children Drew, and You Can Push Buttons to Advance It.

It also says slime on there. There’s no slime anywhere in the game that I can remember from my recent playthroughs. I mean, if you can even call what you do with this game “playing.” It also says “laser stream throwers.” Yeah, that’s what they are called. It’s called a “proton pack,” you morons!

It’s funny, the back of the box pretty much shows almost the entire game. I think only 2 screens are basically not shown – the final boss (Gozer – but the designers think it’s called Zuul, I guess) who stands still and throws nuclear crap at you, and the scenes where you catch ghosts with your “laser stream throwers.”

In other words, they left out the 2 parts of the game from the box art that actually kinda sorta feel like a video game. I guess the driving stage counts too. But it sucks. Wait… everything sucks here. It’s hard to remember that everything sucks when you’re in a sea of stuff that sucks.

The Real Villain in Ghostbusters is Gozer, Pictured Here. The Designers at Activision Couldn't Be Bothered to Actually Watch the Movie Before Making a Video Game Based on It. They Were Too Busy Farting In a Bathtub and Giggling About It. And Coding.
The Real Villain in Ghostbusters is Gozer, Pictured Here. The Designers at Activision Couldn't Be Bothered to Actually Watch the Movie Before Making a Video Game Based on It. They Were Too Busy Farting In a Bathtub and Giggling About It. And Coding.

We Were All So Excited To Play This Game

The sad thing is that every kid in the world wanted to play Ghostbusters on Nintendo, so most of us got duped by this fecal stain of a video game. The first thing that happens (and probably the last thing that happens before you flip out and go crazy, smashing the game with a fist) is that you see the Ghostbusters logo on the screen in the middle of a city. That’s supposed to be New York City, I guess, but it looks like a first grader drew it. Anyway, you move the logo around the screen using the D pad. What does it do? Not much. Ghosts keep flying towards the “Zuul” building. Why Zuul? I don’t know. Zuul was just a minion of Gozer, who was the real villain in Ghostbusters.

This Is About As Far As Most People Got in the Game Before Crying and Getting Angry. What the Hell Kind of Drugs Were the People at Activision on in Order to Think That This Constitutes an Acceptable Video Game? Someone Clearly Had Mental Issues.
This Is About As Far As Most People Got in the Game Before Crying and Getting Angry. What the Hell Kind of Drugs Were the People at Activision on in Order to Think That This Constitutes an Acceptable Video Game? Someone Clearly Had Mental Issues.

Oh heck, it’s obvious that the people who made this game didn’t watch the movie and take notes. That would have been asking them to do the obvious.

So what do you do as… the Ghostbusters logo? Heck, I don’t even really know. Something about flashing buildings or something. I never really bothered (or cared?) to figure any of it out. I know that eventually you got around to some silly driving stage where cars go slamming into you, and the only thing I really understood was that I needed gas. My tank sure got empty quickly. This Ghostbusters car sucks ass. The original Ghostbusters video game on Nintendo sucks ass!

Just Return It

That was about the most I ever knew about the game as a child. The Ghostbusters theme goes on and on until you go insane, and the game appears to be unplayable. It’s like being taunted. “You want a really awesome Ghostbusters game? Okay, play this..."

Watch This "Gameplay" If You Dare...

It's The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Plush!

Wow! Look, a Ghostbusters game! I can’t wait! Ghostbusters and the Nintendo Entertainment System were like the two greatest things in the world to kids in the mid to late 80s. It was mind blowing. Then you played it, and shortly after you learned about suicide. I guess it was an instructional game about the dangers of depression. Anyway, after that, I took the game straight back to the video store and demanded a different game. The guy who owned the place took one look at Ghostbusters and was like, “oh, okay.” I guess it happened a lot.

If you do manage to catch some ghosts, buy your own equipment, and get to “the Zuul,” the endgame is utterly absurd here. The stair climbing looked interesting on the back of the box. In the game, it’s beyond stupid. You have to climb up like more than 20 flights of stairs tapping a button for each individual step. Ghosts chase you, and it’s almost impossible to avoid them. The game is basically impossible to beat, and I doubt anyone ever sat down and product tested it. That would take actual work, which clearly did not go into this festering dung heap.

I guess this was the era when you could take a dump into a little grey plastic box and stamp the Nintendo Seal of Approval on it. Yeah, that thing really meant something.

Conglaturations... You Just Wasted Valuable Time. Doesn't Homework Sound Fun Now?
Conglaturations... You Just Wasted Valuable Time. Doesn't Homework Sound Fun Now?
We Just Drove Three Blocks. Looks Like We Need Another BARREL of Gas.
We Just Drove Three Blocks. Looks Like We Need Another BARREL of Gas.

And When You Win (Which You Won't, Because It's Impossible)...

Well, if you haven’t seen it, here is the final screen of the game. This is what you get for all your hours of running around collecting ghosts and driving your stupid car through the city. A car that wastes gasoline faster than a 16 year old daughter with friends in another city, mind you. Conglaturations.

Looking words up in a dictionary was too much trouble for these people, eh? Didn’t Activision (the makers of this vomit pile of a game) make good games, though?

Activision Stank in the NES Era

Apparently they didn’t make any particularly good NES games. They made Super Pitfall, Die Hard, Ghostbusters II, and The Three Stooges. None of those games were any good. I guess Activision wasn’t that great of a company back then. They did make Call of Duty and Mechwarrior more recently, though. Those are good titles. It took some time for them to finally craft something that wasn’t worthy of flushing.

This is a game that you might want to collect, because it really is one of those gleaming, golden turds of the NES collection. The price on eBay for a loose (used) cartridge has been slowly but surely climbing. It’s at $8 bucks at the moment. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s worth a hundred or two in ten years. Not a bad little investment if you ask me. After all, it is the original video game for this famous movie. If they ever release a third movie in the series, I'm sure demand will increase for old memorabilia like these cartridges.

An Egon Spengler Plush. Oh Yes.

Did You Hate The Original Ghostbusters NES Game Too?

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© 2014 Rywads

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