How to be a Make Believe Spy

Phone cams make a great cover, you can always pretend to be dialing.
Phone cams make a great cover, you can always pretend to be dialing. | Source

Welcome to the wonderful world of Make Believe Spy(MBS) espionage. There are two rules that you must remember and adhere to at all times: The first rule of MBS espionage is; you do not talk about MBS espionage. The second rule of MBS espionage is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT MBS ESPIONAGE.

Great, now that we got the rules out of the way; on this hub you will learn everything there is to know about how to be a make believe spy. By the end of this article, you will learn how to be a successful, and very dangerous make believe spy for any country in your mind.

You will learn how to self-train, what to do while under cover, know how to get your hands on the best equipment, and how to begin your first assignment.

This information is top secret, and only made available to 'certain' individuals with the highest on-line clearance. In this top secret document, you will discover how you can enter the magical world of spy-dom. Here are a few of the topics that we will cover:

  • Spy Training
  • Cheap Spy Gear
  • Surveillance Training
  • Spy Tips
  • Your First Assignment

Training by video games can be scary at times...
Training by video games can be scary at times... | Source

Spy Training

To be a top spy, you must undergo years of training - or hours of training if you can't commit that much time. MBS training will take your present experience watching any James Bond films et al, spy books, or Detective TV shows. If you have seen or read at least 10 books or films, you are automatically considered to be a seasoned MBS spy.

As a spy, your reflexes must be super quick. You must learn the ability to disconnect your brain from your reflex actions. To disconnect your brain from your environment, family, pets, responsibilities and job, MBS recommends first-person-shooter video games.

Video Games
Video games not only sharpen your reflexes, but they force you to concentrate over your body's natural need to eat, use the bathroom, or blink. This ability will come in handy should you need to concentrate all your faculties on a single problem, have to play dead with your eyes open, or are on a long stake-out and have no bathroom available (results may vary depending on the individual's ability to go without drinking...anything).Increase game play immediately if you are unable to block out your spouse or partner speaking to you, or no one is complaining how much time you spend playing video games.

Improve Stealth
Stealth is very important in the life of a MBS spy. Period. You have to have the ability to melt into your environment, sneak up on an unassuming subject, or travel without causing attention to yourself.

To melt into your surroundings, MBS recommends always wearing six different sets of clothing - with reversible jacket of course. This way, you will always be prepared to closely match those around you and not stand out amongst others.

Improve Health and Conditioning
MBS pairs being a top spy with being in top shape. If you are out of shape, we suggest using sneakers to be lighter on your feet. Increase video game play on Wii exercise videos and imaginary exercises that increases your ability to quickly get into character.

Source

Cheap Spy Gear


The latest technology in phones allows MBS spies to have more than enough data while researching, or on assignment. Years ago, this technology was not available, now, entire files can be texted over the phone, and you can move monies where ever you need to in a pinch. The smart phone is probably the single most valuable phone in a spy's arsenal.

Spy gear is something every good spy must always have on his person, the success of a mission could depend on whether or not you have a few choice items on you. The following list is a sample of items that you will need to incorporate into your daily MSB spy wear.

Item:
Concealed in/by:
Uses:
Hanger (Wire only please)
Hidden in belt lining.
Opening cars, reaching for things.
Bobby pin
Coat lining/hair
Jimmying locks
Always have a healthy appetite
Natural
You may have to eat any evidence.
Newspaper
Held under your arm.
Use as cover to conceal face or other devices.
Dark sunglasses
In pocket, or hanging from shirt.
It prevents subjects from knowing where/whom you are watching..
Smart phone
Unconcealed.
Many uses, maps, pics, and note pad.
Duct tape
Rolling tight and hide
Duct tape - used for anything
Source

Have you ever had the feeling that someone was watching you?

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SurveillanceTraining

Pets are very good when training to be a MBS operative. If you have a dog, wait till your dog falls asleep, then sneak across the room without alerting your dog. If you are not lucky enough to have a dog, a cat, a fish, elderly parent, bird outside the window - anyone. Try walking past them without them noticing - if they are sleeping, see how close you can come to their face without actually waking them up. If they do wake up, think fast and blame them for leaving the bathroom faucet running.

Next, follow a family member the next time they go out - if you're out shopping, let them go off. Follow them without getting noticed - a family member can easily spot you because your face is familiar to them. Don't trail them too closely, and don't make it look obvious that you're following them or you may be mistaken as a stocker - and then you'll have to face the cops again.

Always have a good pair of sunglasses on - not overly flashy, just something that will hide your eyes. Dark sunglasses makes it possible to mask where your eyes are, so take advantage of the situation by turning your head to the left, while steering your eyes to the right where your subject is.

When you are on surveillance, this is where the pounds start adding up - because there is nothing to do but sit and wait. Your hands and mouth need something to do...so you'll eat, and eat. Jump ahead and pack some healthy fruits and snacks. For drinking, good old fashion water - but be careful, you may need to improvise disposal of any body waste if you are on a lengthy surveillance.

Source

Spy Tips

Every good MBS spy has a cell phone that he can manipulate easily. Your phone should be able to fit comfortably in your hand, practice memorizing where the keys are so that you are able to text a message without looking. If you are not able to do this, practice calling 911 repeatedly until you can do it easily.

Now that the cops are at your house for calling them 33 times in the last 10 minutes, you will be able to employ your skills in blending into your environment, or trying your hand at talking your way out of a ticket. A dilemma forms here because you have to lie, and cops can't stand liars - it's all they here all day. If at all possible, blame the dog, your neighbor, or your parents but do not mention MBS.

When you least expect it, you may find yourself in the presence of another MBS spy. You will be able to tell of course by the dark sunglasses and heavy layers of clothing. You are sworn brothers and sisters and able to help each other at any time. If you suspect someone of being a MBS operative like yourself, use this phrase to communicate.

"Lucky Pucky You." Once this is said, the other will say:

"Monkeys Bonkers Two." When this is answered, you can relax and speak quietly amongst yourselves. The first phrase can be spoken without any real reaction in case the other person is not a spy. The second phrase will not be mistaken. If the phrase is answered, that person 'is' a spy.

Every MBS agent has a cool spy-name. I suggest two first names as your cover name, like Steve George, or Carl Jeffry. You can also have just one name, but it needs to be a strong name like Exon, or Hammer. Which reminds me, masculine hand tools is also good for a spy name: Torch, Saw, Plumb Bob... okay, maybe not that last one, but you get the idea.

Source

Your First Assignment

Your first assignment as a newby MBS spy, is to find out who wrote this article at Hub Pages. Always leave a comment, and the comment will be answered by another comment. Research what other articles this writer may have written and leave comments on those too. Research those that are following this writer, and leave comments on those as well.

I know that seems like a lot for your first assignment but MBS students are the best - of course you can handle it. Okay... just scroll down a bit, leave a comment, and a return comment will magically appear. Happy MBS spying... now go, and spy on... and most important, don't talk about MBS espionage!

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Comments 17 comments

KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 2 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Lol. Thanks for the comment Patricia... Spy on. Peace. Kawi.


Patricia Ferrero 2 years ago

This was fun and it might prove useful if I ever decide to spy on someone. This could help me master my (lack of) skills!


xstatic profile image

xstatic 3 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

Great fun and useful too. I am afraid I can't play video games, too paranoid to take my eye off the doors and windows. I have always fancied myself as a potential agent, keeping careful watch when walking in cities in case of followers. When driving, it comes in handy as a cover too, when I miss a turn, I tell my wife that I am just varying my routine to maintain cover. She looks at me strangely, but doesn't ask too many questions.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Yep, fun stuff for the average spy... thnx for your comment Thor. Peace. Kawi.


Hammer Thor 3 years ago

This is amazing!


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

rasta1 thanks for the comment... however, I can neither confirm nor deny such and such... peace be da journey. Kawi.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Thanks for the comment Ruby H Rose, heres to the mission! Peace. Kawi.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Hi CrisSp...thanks for the comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it - I had fun writing it. Heres to the missions in life. Peace. Kawi.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

haha... Thanks for the comment resspenser...Sterling Archer... my my... he was one of the founding fathers of MBS, I'd say more about it, but I don't talk about MBS spy business... and also... shut up. lol... Peace. Kawi.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Lol... I would sneak my mom's trench coat out and would run-a-muck with a water pistol with my friends until mom caught sight of me dragging her trench through the dirt... oh... that mission did not end well. Peace. Kawi.


rasta1 profile image

rasta1 3 years ago from Jamaica

I am willing to bet that this hub was written by an actual spy. It is too smooth.


Ruby H Rose profile image

Ruby H Rose 3 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

Oh yes spy crusaders, we are on a mission alright! Wonderful hub, fun to do, thanks for the memories.


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 3 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

You very well entertained me in this hub. Great job!

Charlie's Angel~

(on a mission)


resspenser profile image

resspenser 3 years ago from South Carolina

And also, shut up.

Sterling Archer


Shanna11 profile image

Shanna11 3 years ago from Utah

Hahaha this was my entire childhood in a nutshell. I used to watch the Cartoon Network show "Totally Spies" when I was little and then my friends and I would run outside with empty makeup cases (in the show, the spies hide tools in them). Those were some great summers... Thanks for the throwback hub.


KawikaChann profile image

KawikaChann 3 years ago from Northwest, Hawaii, Anykine place Author

Thanks for the comment Aviannovice, I had fun writing it - kind of got all kiddish and stuff... Peace. Kawi.


aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 3 years ago from Stillwater, OK

This was great. Laughter is also acceptable, just not in the face of death.

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