Resume - Video Game Hero/Adventurer

As an avid video game player, I'm often told that I'm not supposed to be able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. [sigh] If only!

Could you imagine how great it would be if I could list my video game accomplishments as real? My resume would be amazing!


Education

  • Successfully passed in-game tutorials for hundreds of games
  • Read the instruction manuals


Experience

Freelancer, 2008

  • Cleared Washington D.C. area of dangerous mutants
  • Performed odd jobs upon commission
  • Removed radioactive contamination from local water supply

Guardian, 2001

  • Permanently destroyed rampaging sea monster previously thought to be immortal
  • Protected summoner

Ronin, 2001

  • Cleared out Inabayama castle of Genma demon infestation
  • Rescued Princess

SOLDIER, 1st Class, 1998

  • Hired, as freelancer, by Avalanche Organization
  • Campaigned successfully for global environmental reform
  • Stopped insane samurai from destroying the world

Dragonmaster, 1998

  • Became youngest Dragonmaster in history
  • Prevented evil wizard from forcing Goddess Althena into submission

Time Traveler, 1995

  • Saved the future from being destroyed by a monster
  • Ended war in the middle ages
  • Ended cult activities in the dark ages
  • Rescued civilization from becoming reptilian

Military Commando, 1987

  • Infiltrated several island bases of the Red Falcon organization
  • Prevented Alien invasion of earth

Plumber, 1985

  • Conducted animal control duties throughout plumbing systems of Mushroom Kingdom
  • Rescued princess

Paperboy, 1984

  • Delivered newspapers to brightly colored houses
  • Discovered trap-disarming properties in the product
  • Undertook daily training

Carpenter, 1981

  • Conducted animal control duties at construction site
  • Rescued princess


Government Work, Regular and Freelance

Government Agent, 2005

  • Rescued President’s daughter from terrorist organization
  • Diffused potential bioterrorism incident
  • Apprehended and neutralized terrorist/cult leader

Prince of Cosmos, 2004

  • Performed maintenance on night sky
  • Rebuilt constellations, moon and several stars
  • Removed litter from streets of Japan

Officer, NYPD, 1998

  • Protected Manhattan Island from mitochondrial revolution
  • Defeated mutated animals, hostile evolved human and ultimate being

Mercenary Fighter Pilot, 1997

  • Cleared Lylat system of invading forces from planet Venom
  • Successfully navigated intense heat of Solar and acidic oceans of Venom

MI-6 Operative, Double-O division, 1997

  • Prevented London from being destroyed by electromagnetic pulse
  • Killed Sean Bean

Hero (Freelance), 1986

  • Contracted with Hyrule sovereign
  • Collected Triforce
  • Assembled junk from all corners of kingom
  • Killed a pig
  • Rescued princess

Galactic Bounty Hunter, 1986 and 1992

  • Hired to perform pest eradication on planets Zebes and SR-388
  • Continued work on planet Zebes in 1994 after research team lost control of the animals


Volunteer Work

  • Spearheaded movement to end unethical practices of several mad scientists including Dr. Wiley, Dr. Andross, Albert Wesker and Kevin Winnicott.
  • Read stories to underprivileged chocobos on a chocobo farm
  • Helped Pooh Bear find his lost friends, no matter how boring the side quest was

Awards, Accomplishments and Achievements

  • Chosen to wield Master Sword five separate years, in 2011, 2006, 2002, 1998 and 1991
  • Selected as Warrior of Light in 1987, 1990, 1992 and 2010. Restored balance of good and evil on each occasion
  • Earned every award and recognition possible by the Sky Pirate’s Den union
  • Successfully repelled zombies from home using nothing but household plants


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