SecondLife addiction

Second life addiction

Yes, its true, It took over my life. SECOND LIFE was basically my first life. I basically couldn't turn the game off. Virtual shopping seemed to curb my taste for my real life shopping addiction. If you don't play many games, none of this will make sense to you. But, I am sure some of you are sitting there nodding your head!  I stopped answering my phone, which, it doesn't ring anymore. I rarely answered my text messages. I have friends ive not seen in i don't know how long.  My best friend would complain to me non stop about me living in my virtual world and I thought she didn't know what she was talking about. She barely speaks to me now.

I had landed myself in trouble in my real life and it was a nice escape into a world where no one knew my real life issues. I threw myself into the game.. obsessed with making lindens, having a sexy avatar, dating the sexiest male avatar, which turned out was a girl!  I have beautiful homes in my inventory, I have animals in my inventory, you name it, Secondlife has it. Yes, Even SEX. But we wont go into that. As its only a small part.  I spent many many hours in the game... I didn't want to leave my house. Second life, became my FIRST life.  People log in annd get virtual jobs, and virtual lives, and I am sure I am not the only one who let their first life slide.  SO! DONT get so wrapped up in the game.... It has been 3 days since I have logged in, my friends in the game are texting me to make sure I am ok. Perhaps later I will log in for an hour or so.... perhaps not....  dont let this happen to you..... take it from an addict.... it can control and ruin your real life.....


 SAFE GAMING! Shut it off after a couple hours!

Comments 272 comments

HeXiS profile image

HeXiS 7 years ago from interweb

i know exatly what you mean. but then i got on SL purley to work on my graphics skills and trying to make a few extra bucks. but alas i got cuaght up in the Drama of SL life. i log in once in a while.


Jame 7 years ago

I got a problem here second life is distroying my IRL. Job =(


Justin 7 years ago

Its terrible, the game is so addicting, and i am 14, i shouldn't even be playing, but it is so hard to stop


August Treves 6 years ago

Are you still hooked to SL, were you successfully able to get out of SL?

- another sl addict


gilles 6 years ago

My real old friend is loosing him real life in this play-game. How can I stop it by law ? Since 2 last years, he stopped him social life and got crazy. In saw him 10 years ago and he changes in bad. No more wife, lost job, living with a durty dog smell flat, no money, no life. Help !!


Sorvea 6 years ago

I was getting addicted to it for a while, but now i hardly log on unless I'm giving a concert or reading. Sometimes I log in to check out some Karaoke.


Imthevilprincess profile image

Imthevilprincess 6 years ago Author

Hey guys, Thanks for checking up on me. Yeah, I play sometimes... I was all in there last weekend.... but I am not as bad as I was once... I didn't want to leave my house.. gah. I hope my post helps. and to the guy who says its effecting his RL job, be careful... I read recently people were fired for playing Fantasy football!


Private=/ 6 years ago

I used to play and i broke so many rules and i really wanna go back but i really don't at the same time because its soooo addicing and Im so mad because i spent over 400 dollars real money in that game and i get banned like 5 times and i don't stop playing i really need help its crazy and im only 15=[ i have like no friends now and no one except my family knows where i am "on the comp on secondlife" ive been trying to get better and get my grades up but its so hard even when i try to play any other game than secondlife i always wish they would let me back in even when i know that banning me was the best thing because i still have skins i made and ao's and the app. i just cant bare deleting them and moving on its so hard when you played since july 2009 till january 15 2010=/ i still keep in-touch with my friends in sl on skype and msn etc but i miss the game so much i really need to get over this and it feels so good to let this out i never did before


Kyana 6 years ago

hello ! My friend in now an SL addict. It is destroying the real life, work, love, friendship, family relations, life in every means. It is an hawful addiction, just as bad as the drug ones. It is hard so see someone over 10 hours in front of the computer not being able to do anything else. Liden Lab got the way to make money over poor people. So sad for me, my lover and life.


Secondlife Member 2004 6 years ago

Notice : on behalf of half of secondlife memebers were all on a waiting list line for Dr. Phill.. till then Woohoo!! yah! let the good times roll!!!!!! :D


Lorraine 6 years ago

I am absolutey disgusted with this web site. I have personally gone on here because my husband is addicted and wanted me to check it out. We would be married 30 yrs. this December and he is moving out Mostly because his head is so screwed up because of this SL. He is and has been going to counseling but still moving out. Everything we worked for is going including his entire real life, children, grandchildren, friends, pets. I would just like to hear from someone that this is a healthy site to get involved in. My husband will be 66 this yr. and everything is going down the drain.

I also have a very close friend whose husband just recently announced the same thing. He is a very well educated man and has had a very good career. Same thing....addicted, seeking counsel but losing marriage, family and everything he ever worked for. I know of several others that the same thing is happening. Are there no morals or rules for someone running sites like this. Why can't something be done about this???


Jen 6 years ago

what i think is that SL is ok if you play it at most 1 hour per day, but if its starting to invade your thoughts during school or work and all you can think about is SL, then your addicted and should sum up the determination to delete the game. Seriously! its JUST A GAME who you are on it doesn't matter. You should be worried about being the best in RL and not SL.

- SL used to be addict


Observer 6 years ago

It seems that SL is a problem of course, but the greater question to ask is what is missing in your real life that makes you turn to SL? If SL were gone, the addictive "escape-like" behaviors would continue because the root is not fixed. Look at your Real Life & try to fix the problems within, if you can not do it alone, seek a counselor, SL or any other "escapist medium" will not save you, it will just make things worse, I joined SL because I was lonely, & ended up 4x as lonely, as all the friends I had were fake or preoccupied to even say hello... You can't get back lost time, it's gone forever, leave it alone, & try to get to a point where you can see the beauty in the real world & get some sunlight, instead of monitor light.


Anderson 6 years ago

I think one of the "problems" with SL is a bit like the "problem" with RockBand that keeps people from picking up a real guitar; success is so easy in the game. It's so easy to have a sexy avatar rather than going to the gym. It's so easy to have a great house rather than succeeding in a career. In RockBand all the "fans" are just computer images. In SL, all your supporters actually are real people behind the avatars. With easy success and support, why would one want to actually work and deal with the real world problems.

The final answer is, of course, the real world rewards. Playing a real guitar carries the benefit of being able to go anywhere and have that skill/talent/knowledge. Dealing with the hardships of a real relationship means that you actually get to have *real* kisses.


SL_Addict 6 years ago

Great posts here...the last two really hitting home. What I know from other games is your SL friends are just that. They are not your RL friends and probably will never be. I have been caught up in SL for too long now. I am guessing I spend 12 hours or more a day and when I'm not on, I'm thinking about it...lost in thought. It's unfair to the people who really do care about me. If you are reading this know that your SL friends are NOT as important as people in your RL that care about you. I deleted the game today. Wish me luck, I'll need it.


h8SL 6 years ago

I hate second life. Hate it. My husband has disappeared from me, and has had too many inappropriate relationships to count on there. We are on the verge of divorce due to the ease and fantasy, the absolute draw of these dumb ass avatars. He has, in multiple situations, crossed from SL to RL contact, and that is where I am drawing the line. He sees no problem since he's never touched them in real life. See you later loser. Good luck finding someone else to deal with your bull. I'm tired of sitting by myself, talking to no one (cause when I ask you questions I'm ignored) and raising our kids alone. He has become a liar, a cheater, and an addict, and still has yet to see it as a problem.


KR 6 years ago

I know what this is like. I've always though it would be cool to be a female Neko in real life, and when I stumbled upon Second Life I thought: "THIS IS GREAT I CAN FINALLY HAVE MY DREAM!* so I logged on created a character and I started playing. I got a sexy Skin for my female character, and found some neko ears and a tail. I got different various clothes from my character. and that's when I noticed something: I was getting addicted. I haven't been playing that long, but it's already gotten to the point where I think about my character all the time.. and what I will do to make her sexier.. or what clothes I want. I even thought aobut getting her pregnant. but to make a long story short, even playing it for a few days can get you addicted. and I'm now trying to stop before it get's to bad. so I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes wish i could become my character, and I can tell my life is suffering. so now I'm trying to limit my time before it get's to much.


NAme 6 years ago

OK you addicts.. add me IN sl.. and tell me your stories..

Anastacia Krell


ThisMustStop 6 years ago

I been playing SL for 2 years. Everyday I get up, and go right to the computer like a zombie, spend hours there and go to bed. What a cycle. My RL is a mess, I have gained 15lbs from sitting, sciatica, my eyes got worse, I no longer exercise or go out much, the indoor air is stale, I don't clean up any more ( I always put it off now). When I go to work, I want to go home so I can get back on second life. The messier my RL place gets/the worse RL gets from neglect, the more I want to ignore it and play SL. Why stay in SL? I bet none of my SL friends really care about me, if they did they would want to know more about me & let me know more of them, isn't that what friends do. These people are acquaintances, nice people, but all at a distance, If I died they would never know. Real friends would know. Try Face book, re connect with your RL friends, and you wont stay on it all day, unless you play Farmville, lol. Limit your SL time. Do an experiment, put SL down for a day, make it 2 days, if you "CAN'T" stop thinking about SL or stay away, it is a problem then, and at some point problems catch up to you. If it is a problem and you are unwilling to go see someone like me, then take some time out to tend to your RL, I am making a list of the things I should do and want to do in RL, and I wont go in Sl unless I do it. I started making rules for myself, I bought a digital timer, I wont play for more that 4 hours. and I go in only 2 times a week now. It isn't easy. I get bored in RL at times, but I stick to not going in or at the pc in general. I didn't set a day for just SL yet, so I just go in when I want, but only 2 days for the week, and only 4 hours MAX. 8 hours a week. At this rate, if I have met someone I like in SL, if they are willing to be a REAL friend, then I can keep contact with them outside of SL, and not put a time limit on friendship. Put them in Facebook, make a new FB page just for the SL friends if you want. But if they are mature friends, things should be unconditional between us, we all have something to hide in SL, gender, age, illness, it's about trust and accept your friends for who they REALY are. Exercise is back now, I make it a habbit to walk along the colonnade now, I bring my camera or ride my bike, and get a paper and sit at the cafe for a coffee! I am starting to be a regular there so the waitress is nice :) It is great, the air, the RL cute girls, but I still need to work on RL, esp my social skills :) Seems I am so social in SL, but quiet in RL. Maybe now that it's spring I will sit at outdoor cafes more now, Maybe I'll use my PC there and that's where I will use SL, to give me an excuse to get out, may as well get a benefit from SL. rather than waste power in the house. SL will be my reward for making it to the cafe on a nice outdoor walk. Anyway, I am going to make my RL just as exciting! Only I can fix me and my situation, no one else will fix me.


addictedtoo 6 years ago

All the above stories help me a lot with overcoming my sl addiction. I feel less anormal now.

Have been on and off SL for three years now, and tried to stop a 100 times because sl interfered to much with my job and friendships I have. The only solution that works for me is to cancell my account. Then I am not so obsessed anymore and can stay away from the computer for a few days or a few weeks. But I already started over again for 6 times now. I always fall back after a certain time. My family, friends and work think I have severe sleeping problems, no-one knows te thruth. In RL I am a social and relatively happy person, I don't know what has gotten into me..and I don't know how to end it for good.


carrie 6 years ago

Well like you i also almost lost my husband , kids , and real life but thank goodness to my ADD after a year of living on 3-4 hours of sleep and trying to raise my kids who at the time got pushed away for Sl .. I seen where that was going after a year countless fights with my husband over the game my poor kids had to listen to it and get woke up to us fighting caused my husband to even get a bit violent and knock holes in the walls and just about wreaked a new computer ....... So We had the internet disconnected and yeah i went through with draws i would take my laptop and find any free internet signal i could get with my wireless spend at least the time on there to eat 2 full laptop battery's ... then after about 3 months of that i said this isn't worth it ... so i logged out for 5 months .. I log on now about 3-4 times a month for about an hour seems like all my SL fake friends forgot who i was except a couple i talked to the whole time on the phone or texting , we are still good friends every now and then ill log on to help them with contests after a hour i just log off i do not say good bye i just log out and i do not think that i will get sucked in again since it seems so boring


easy additct 6 years ago

Oh God I am well educated professional woman, who once had a good marriage and happy social life. A simple curious login has now created an addiction i never thought possible. It has totally consumed my life. I am online every second that i am not at work, I think of ways to leave work early so i can be in SL. I am totally sleep deprived cant concentrate the cupboards are bare cos I cant leave to go shopping. I don't answer the phone and haven't seen any friends for a month. I cant bring myself to disconect i know i have a serious problem how much worse can it get.


Ex-Sl Player 6 years ago

The first step to recovering from any addiction is realising you have a problem, and I take my hat off to all of you people coming here in recognition of that fact.

Give yourselves a huge pat on the back! :)


IntheMiddle 6 years ago

SL is starting to effect my family as well, my dad recently stated playing it....he has put over $150 in it so far also its starting to strain my parents marriage.

My mom also plays it...their both so suspicious of what the other is doing it's like their completely different people, always looking over at the others screen...waiting till the leave to look through the private messages

They been fighting non stop the last few days....I remember reading about this a long time ago but thought it was complete bullshit*fake* but now I see it's real...is there anything i can do to stop this evil from tearing my family apart


ex-sl player 6 years ago

sounds like perhaps you should sit the both of your parents down and tell them straight. enough! when they realise how much it is upsetting you im sure they will be sorting it out in a big hurry.


trying to stop 6 years ago

I joined SL as a way to hopefully make money. I ended up maxing out my credit card to buy SL stuff and fix up my av's. Yes I have a few of them. Whoever said you need to look at your RL and recognize that there's a problem there was so right. It helped a lot seeing this and being able to comment. Good luck to everyone, especially you youngsters,(14, 15 yo's) please, you guys really need to get out and start living you RL.


Cazza_1 6 years ago

I can totally sympathize with the sl addiction. I was addicted for over a year. Every spare second I had was spent on sl. My marriage got to the point where we were dividing all the stuff in our house up as we were gonna split. Then I got pregnant (rl) & realised that HAD to be my focus now...not sl. So I quit sl for about a year. Then 1 day I logged back in (about 2 months ago), just to see if anything had changed etc...and now Im hooked again. No where near as bad as before but I spend around 2 hours a day on there. My husband doesn't know & I know if he finds out he wont be happy. It sucks....but at least I now know that if I really wanna quit I can, as Ive done it before. Rule 1 of sl is that rl must come first. It can be hard but that's the way its gotta be.


Moe 6 years ago

I just uninstalled it after being an addict, first week without it and so much difference in my personality and look. I must say this game is way to addicting and can be a big problem. I strongly don't sugest to even try such a game.


Sad 6 years ago

I played SL and wasted so much time that I could have spent with my child. All because I liked this guy who I've never met and who turned out to be a complete jerk. This sadness hits me so strongly now when I am not on. It's time I will never, ever get back. All I can do is try to do the best I can do today. Good luck to you all in beating this addiction.


ThisMustStop 6 years ago

Update... Leaving SL for a few hours helped me leave it for good. Took about a month before I stopped thinking about it. The time away was just enough for me to eventually find RL exciting again, so I quit. Also I had a few fake friends ignore me, we had no fights or any thing, I think that in the quest to leave SL, I contacted a few people on my friends list a bit more now when I was online than I did before. They were in my friends list, but we hardly spoke if at all. So I figured I would try and connect out side of SL to show my friendship was real, thinking that I would "really" try to be friends, and have a life/friendship with them outside of SL, based on something with substance. LOL, When I logged in again I was off their list and ignored. They inadvertently made it easy for me to leave all together, with them gone, and with my last experiences being negative ones, I was able to close SL for good pretty much. I go in maybe once or twice a month for maybe 2 mins, just to see what's up,and then I log out just as fast as I came in. so all in all, still good news, bad news, I gained back 15 lbs, but not by sitting, by getting out and living a bit, maybe spending too much time at the cafe now, but that's another story! For now... FREE!! :) lol


Craw 6 years ago

U guys are insane!!! THERE IS A FUCKIN LIFE TO LIVE!!! Your lives must be real miserable to get addicted to a stupid virtual reality....


Ex SL regular 6 years ago

I played the game for 3 years...Addiction comes from a need to feel good. Life is a quest for happiness and most (ALL) of the SL addicts are unhappy in their RL. Some simply are denying or unaware (YET). They innocently use that game for entertainement purpose at first, then for escapism. The problem truly happen when it starts to fill blanks in their life and soon are truly addicted to it. You will never overcome that need unless you attack the problem. SL is not a cause only a symptom that something is wrong in your life. These so called RL happy couple playing SL is bullshit, you don't spend 10 hours a day in a virutal world dreaming about a life you don't have instead of being in each other RL arms. The more friends you have in SL the less you have in RL. Most SL addicts are incapacitated people, sick, unemployed (or soon to be). There are only about 60000 real addicts and they have been on the game for many years now. Most people try it and can't see the hype because they don't need to fill anything, they are simply happy in their 1 st Life. To all addicts here I wish you the best and hopefully like me you will address the problem at the base in your RL ...


SL Boring 6 years ago

I played SL for about two years... I first made an account in 2007 tried it a few hours didn't really get it the deleted. A year later I started playing it met some funny people and stuck around...then Mid last year I got involved in pixel drama and it just killed sl for when I've logged on to SL is for two hours for building and being creative...or else I try not to log on cause its truly boring game...with a lot of sick people. SL is more like hell...you can meet some really twisted people and where your wildest dreams can occur. Though, people should really focused on what's important in life.


Devin Fourneau 6 years ago

Ehhh, I mean what are we if we aren't fleshy avatars controlled by our conciousness. I must admit that it's hard for me to get away from the computer. I wait until about 10-11 at night and play until about 3 in the morning, but before I get on I sit with my wife and daughter and talk, eat dinner, etc. I'm happy with where I am. I guess it's all about being able to balance everything, but I see no reason to have a RL social life, kids, marriage, etc just because it's society's standard. If RL makes you happy, then do it, if not SL is there for you. If it gets to the point where you can't keep a job to pay for your internet/food/lodging, cut your hands off....that should do the trick.

I'm half kidding, FYI, I find it hard to concentrate at work, I have dreams about SL, and I'm tired/irritable but it's only part of the time. I give myself a break and catch up on my rest. Am I addicted, yes, to many things, SL being one of them. Do I feel the need to stop? No because SL isn't becoming a neusance yet. But you can bet that when it does I'm getting out the hacksaw.

I feel for you guys that lose your jobs and families because of it. Some people need more help balancing SL than others and those people should either be under a strict regimine or they should seek counseling/cancel their accounts. I can't agree with the guy that said don't substitute it with something else. There really is no other option. What is life if it's not a substatution of wants and events intended to keep us content.

Good luck!


Devin Fourneau 6 years ago

Sorry, I wanted to add:

I don't like how people are blaming the game. You don't blame movies for taking 2-3 hours of your life when you watch them, or TV shows. You don't blame books for taking up those hours. Why look at SL like it's a criminal? You wouldn't excuse a serial killer because he was addicted to killing, and blame the victim or the knife vendors would you? Its a choice. If you can't deal with playing SL, don't play it, get help to get off of it if you need to..but don't blame a video game for screwing up your life.....

Sorry, not trying to be a jerk. Just some tough love...


Imthevilprincess profile image

Imthevilprincess 6 years ago Author

While I am enjoying the comments, please be respectful to others, what works for you may not work for them... I still log in and play the game here and there... but its nice to not stress over it... you will hit that point where you will shut it off for a few days and then you will sigh and realize... your ok... and start playing again at short intervals... of course.. my friends go crazy and text me when im not in.. but i did make some great friends... :)


Tobi 6 years ago

An addiction? A lifestyle? It certainly can be both. We all need to just chill and enjoy it. But be careful not to get carried away with it. I did for awhile. Now have met the most amazing woman and we have plans to be together now in Real Life. Addicted hmmm maybe so but it's made me more open more real. I sill have a real life. Retired, I golf at least once a week. Walk many miles usually twice a week. My life isn't ideal, I'd love to have more income. A lottery win would be nice. Yes I know, dream on tobi. Be well all.


Genesis 6 years ago

I can see after a month how addictive SL really is. It all boils down to this in your lives...what is the lead goal you want to accomplish? Can you verify anything anyone tells you on any social network? Do you really want to give out your heart, mind and soul to a complete stranger? I have read an interesting article on social networks and your personal information to third party tracking sites http://www.wpi.edu/news/privacy.html.

It's a great read and eye opener as well. Just know anything that takes control of your life to the point that your behavior is altered to affect your family, work, friends is a controlling one and isn't healthy. I personally am going to quit this because it's a complete waste of my time and energy. Just consider the facts in this article and the lives it has destroyed. God day and I wish everyone safety on Sl and other social networks out there.


Precious Loxley 6 years ago

Hope you don't mind... just thought someone might be interested in my experience...

I was in SL for over 4 years- I had 3 different av's over this time. I am very embarrassed over what I experienced and did in sl....It started by a fascination in the world of SL and then came to the point that I had to secretly visit SL, because I was in there so often. The SL communities were often awake when I was asleep, so I became a little nocturnal... I formed friendships (if that's what I called it?) that I wanted to maintain so desperately. In my RL I have a fast paced life working- I am a qualified person with a BA ... and I have a young family.

In Sl I started to work, and make money... (I spent all the money in SL- on my addiction- land). I had a number of relationships in SL that where more then friendships.. romantic... my moral's began to slip in sl. It came to a point where I was thinking about the relationships in sl more then my own family or my own RL friends. I was plagued with guilt on guilt on guilt, for the emotions I felt for a av in sl, and I started to not sleep at night. When I did get some sleep at night... I would dream about SL- and all I had done in there.

I now realize that although SL is 'only a game' and I (we) meant to play it all in good 'fun'. The fact is that the human brain can NOT decipher what is make believe and what is real- when all the human sensors are engaged and exited- aroused.. the brain perceives it as a real experience.

This is why SL is an addiction... and one that can destroy marriages, families- and saps your finances. I have not been in SL now for almost 2 years. I don't have the software on my computer to access it any more. I do still know my pass word- but this is where self control is developed and needed. My husband now is aware of everything i went through, and has helped me ... through this... I was blessed! But not all people will have partners this understanding and forgiving!!

I still have a desire to enter sl- I wont lie! But I value my real life and my Psychological/ mental health more then any second life arousal may bring. God is not in a second life. God is in your real life right now and wants to make your real life significant and fun. Absolutely - nothing good comes from SL- I learned this through months and months of Crying over the loss of this so called 'game' I said I was 'only playing'. And as for trying to make Money on SL? There has been 1 millionaire through SL- who knows what price she paid through her Real life? SL is not worth what you will loose... get the help you need to stop. I don't regret leaving sl... my only regret is the time and money I wasted in SL!


ChooseLife 6 years ago

I just want to share my experiences and perhaps add some insight and comments. I started SL a few years back, it was fun and exciting, and I could be whatever I wanted. I started making “friends” in SL, learning how to make things, script, and got into the shopping. I had jobs…all those things. I would think about getting back to SL when I wasn’t in it… At one point, even out with friends, if I started to get bored, I’d excuse myself, going home to “play.” SL is addictive. I went through all the stages of addiction… I’ve read some of the posts on here that say “hey, if you think SL isn’t working for you shut it off,” but think those who would give such advice don’t really understand the definition of addiction. The human mind is a powerful thing and as much as we like to believe we control it…I mean, after all, it’s in our body, we control our body…right? It isn’t that simple. I have sought counsel and it really has opened up my understanding of what it means to be addicted, and how the brain can make up all kinds of excuses, rationale, and scenarios for why you don’t need to stop, why it’s okay to log in just one more time, why something can wait till tomorrow so you can visit just one more sim…have one more virtual conversation. I don’t say these things to talk down. I don’t say them to act like I know all the answers, or to call anyone out. However a person comes to be addicted and for whatever psychological/physical reasons they arrived at it, there is no negotiating with it. Some of the people here legitimately aren’t addicted, and don’t understand what the fuss is about…they can’t understand…they’re not addicted. Some, they’re addicted and don’t want to admit it…their brains are still struggling with the fact. They may be conscious of the fact their social calendar has gone to non-existent, their phone doesn’t ring, they’ve found themselves in important meeting half asleep, and perhaps even at the other side of a table with their boss or a loved one. Another category I see though is the person that knows they’re addicted and believes they can negotiate with the game. What I mean is, restricting themselves to time limits, free days, hour blocks, etc. It doesn’t work. It’s like the alcoholic negotiating with alcohol, maybe they get by with the first glass and successfully stop…but maybe a week later they try a “first glass” and end up back where they started. I’ve seen examples in the posts of binge gaming…gorging yourself on the game until you’ve grown “bored” or maybe disgusted with what you’re doing, because of what it’s not doing for you…because deep down you know you could have so much more in RL. Then stepping away until convinced you’re not really an addict and handled yourself just fine for the past few days… It’s a vicious cycle.

So what have I lost? I wasn’t married when I started, so I didn’t lose that…but I can only imagine the opportunities that have passed me by to form a lasting relationship with someone. I still have my job, but there was a long period where I was a walking zombie at work and amazed I didn’t get fired given the lives at stake in the work I do. Since I’ve worked on escaping SL…still in process…I’ve joined a band and am getting back to my music. I’ve started working out again too, but the years in SL being sedentary have taken their toll on that too. I’ve been in and out of physical therapy, because where before I competed internationally in Taekwon-do, and ran, biked and played soccer on a regular basis, my muscles aren’t used to it when I push them as if I never stopped. It’s true, you can’t really leave SL without substituting it with something else, but let the something else be something life enriching… Some suggestions would be not to replace one addiction that involves the computer for another activity that involves the computer, and especially not SL to play another game. The best things I’ve found was playing music with friends and other social activities that involve meeting in person. At first it might be hard keeping focus on conversation with the thoughts of SL tugging at the back of your mind, but it gets better. One thing I’m implementing today is to reach out to one person, friend of family, a day…maybe an e-mail, maybe by phone, maybe meeting them in person… Just remember to be kind to yourself…it took years to lose the social connectedness and physical health, it will be gradual getting it back. The effort is worth it, and I’ve already found my social calendar returning to normal.

Anyway, there is a lot to lose playing SL, with very little to gain in SL. There is a lot to lose in RL too, but there is so much more fulfilling things to gain in RL too. Sure, RL gets boring at times, but if you work hard to change your pattern, you can win in life…RL life! The fact a person might be searching for answers to the question of whether they are addicted or not is a really good indication. Non-addicts typically don’t ask the question, because their involvement in SL doesn’t affect their real life. IF it’s affecting your real life and you know it, and you keep doing it…you’re probably addicted. I’m not a psychologist, but I’m passing on what I’ve learned through working with one and my own experiences with the cycles and what they mean. I’m sure I’m going to get lambasted for what I’ve written above…do your worse. I didn’t write this for my own ego, I wrote it in hopes someone reading it and going through the negotiating…the denial…might benefit and understand there isn’t any negotiating, and denial is just one step before admitting you might be addicted.


SLAddict12 6 years ago

@ChooseLife

I know where your coming from with your post and I agree with it...to an extent. Sure you may think I am only disagreeing because I am addict but no, I am disagreeing because there are some gains in SL that have greatly affected my RL. I have friends in SL who I have met in RL and they are a great addition to my life. I have people in SL I call family and i love them with all my heart and I am meeting them too. SL has been a part of my life for a year now and even though I am addicted,it does not comsume my entire life. I know when to turn the computer off and when not to log in at all,but when I do log I lose myself in that world and the people in it. But like I said I know when to turn my computer off.


whereISRL 6 years ago

I'm so tired of SL destroying my RL.


ChooseLife 6 years ago

@SLAddict12

And that's fine. IF the level of interaction you enjoy is through primarily the computer talking with avatars, then my message was obviously not aimed at helping you, because as you've pointed out, you don't need help, you enjoy being an addict. I suppose SL does provide an ample buffer for the avoidance of social anxiety, but I grew up active and outdoors with a circle of friends that I experienced many adventures with. Though we've all since moved to different corners of the globe and find communicating by computer (e-mail, Facebook, etc) to be most convenient, we have history and memories that bring us back together…bring us to seek each other out when it’s been too long. The adventures and the memories I had with those friends didn’t happen sitting at home playing a video game. Even in a video game like SL that is based on social networking, in all the years I was in SL and all the friendships I formed in SL, they were always hollow relationships built on virtual experiences. The memories were easily forgotten as they blur into one long dream. Even if I met someone I knew in SL face-to-face, I would never imagine myself saying, “hey, remember that time we went parachuting in SL?” SL is as real as D&D…you may think you’re putting all of yourself into that avatar and convince yourself the person on the other end is connecting with you, but in reality, it’s a little bit of real (what you’re willing to reveal about yourself) mixed with a whole lot of fantasy.

It's great that you've met a few, though with what frequency and at what distance I'd be curious to know. If that frequency and distance works for you, great. Those times you actually met are likely to become your most solid memories, and while the time in SL might be great for keeping tabs on each other, there are better ways that wouldn’t become all encompassing like SL does. While I probably only see my old friends from home once every couple years, the memories are 100% real, and it hasn’t lead me to cease expanding my circle of friends in my own local area to create more 100% real memories. For me, it seems healthier to establish a new group of friends where I live than to meet a bunch of randoms on SL that may or may not be truthful about any aspect of who they are. I just expect more out of life, and having experienced it, I understand there IS more out there than in SL. This message is for all the people that expect more out of life, so it may not apply to you.


Chris Guidry 6 years ago

I would like to know how to get my wife help from this seductive site she has become addicted to for6 months.

She plays in rooms with men and now is Emailing with them.

Tonight she told me she would not let it go she has friends in here .Give me a break there are no friends in here.

Predetors waiting for her and whom ever they can get .Iwould like to know why so many women are on this SEcond life ?


chris guidry 6 years ago

Well today i left her this site with many other issues with this addictive site.

She again tells me i am trying to run her life.

Well i told her no way just that i love you and i know i hurt you because i found out what you are realy doing on here now. The one thing i did make clear was you have time to stop this crap and move on or just tell me you would rather live in this fantasy world and be taken over by some freak or killer. Again she tells me i am trying to run her life ?

So tell me am i wrong for loving some one so twisted with this not real play time site ?


ImThEvilPrincess 6 years ago

What you need to think of is this..... as a former SL addict, trust me when I say these things.... i RARELY log in now.... but sometimes i do....

1. Yes, you will make friends in the game. Don't tell her these relationships are not real, they are. Remember ever having a penpal? its like that in a sense... these are REAL people moving these avatars.. you will even hear their voices...

2. WHY is she so wrapped up in the game.... for me.. i was confined to my home... i was depressed.. i didn't want people around in my REAL world who would want to talk about why i was depressed... So i went to where I had friends who talked Game.. and very little real life.... i made friends who didn't care that i couldn't leave my home.... i kept my mind busy and away from why i was depressed.....

so there is something in her RL she is avoiding, wanting to avoid.. or missing... instead of going at her in a negative way... ask her to show you the game.... ask her to tell you what she likes about it.... and then remind her about things in RL she likes... don't expect the addiction to be over in an hour, over night.. it will need to go slow...but once your out of the game awhile... you will miss it less and less.... take it from someone who would wake up and turn on the laptop and log in to second life..... it will happen.. but something in the real world needs to pull her out... not negativity....


chris guidry  6 years ago

Ok Evil do you still go in and danc go in rooms with men and have them Email you at home?

This is what she has done and continues going in . We talk but i know the minute i go to work she is back in there.

Iam very much in love with this lady and would love to see her get her life back together before it's to late The clock is ticking i can have a life. And i know i would never go into this kind of addiction. Just Say no to Cyber Sex and all that crap.


chris guidry  6 years ago

Well lets see last night i got of work and she was sleeping ,the computer was still on but she tells me she went to sleep around 10 p.m. Hard to beleive she hasn't been to sleep at that time since June. Well this morning she is off to see her Dentist and then to Wal Mart for hair . She sure did smell fresh to go to them stinky places Just wondering.. But reguardless she is my world. Hope things change and she fines herself ,she really is a wonderful woman....


ImThEvilPrincess 6 years ago

You have to be positive! At least shes still getting her hair done... why not try and plan a date night with her... or to go see a movie...


Jara 6 years ago

I came to this website, cause i wanted to know if there more people like me, who get so lost in second life, they lose Rl. I bin reading here for a long time, so i wanted to share my story also with you.

My inworld name is Jara Cortes, and people who go to clubs in secondlife could probably know this name.

I play music in secondlife as dj, together with other artists we make the clubs in secondlife alive. Secondlife is for me a big musical commmunity, and its not easy to say goodbye to it. But i wil delete my avatar and leave anyway.

For me its one of the few free places, and i understand why people are attracted to it.( including me ) It represents a world, as how people would want it to be.

We share, cooperate, create, and do wat we want there.

The resone many of the sl community does not want to leave, is that they have to face the truth. And that's that the real world is nothing like this.

The reason i want to leave secondlife is because i don't like living in a lie, and i don't like to hide from the trueth. if we want to create a world as we want it to be, we should work together, but not in a virtual enviorment, but in real life.


jewelhannu 6 years ago

second life is so addicting that i can hardly do rl.. my kids and my husband hate it.. the first thing i do in the morning is log on.. and the last thing i do at night is log off.. i do do some things and i am trying to do more..i find this addiction as great as gambling which i switched over from.. it is cheeper but it controls me the same way


Jara Cortes 6 years ago

If you define cheap as, not costing a lot of money, maybe you are right. But in your case, the price is your kids and husband, and if i where you, i would have a good thinking if its worth this price. And if you like it our not, you wil have to face your problems one day, and you cant keep trying to find ways to escape, if its gambling or hiding in a virtual world.

3 days ago i deleted my avatar, wich was verry famous in secondlife. And there where a lot of people sorry to see me go. But they don't have a a clue wat is happening in my real world, and so they cant judge it, even if they want.

I feel good with my decision, and start to live again.


Post 6 years ago

So embarrassing to say this. I had an avatar few years ago. But didn't see the big deal and left. I was told about the game through friends who got me to join. Left for maybe a year and came back. Met somebody who showed me how to do stuff there. And was slowly addicted.

I let it go too far. I lost my job, my b/f cause I stopped going out, my hobbies (one of which I truly loved)and moved in with family members cause of losing my job. Never gained weight but noticed my looks faded. I don't keep my hair nice, can't remember the last time I've fixed it or wore makeup now. I made 5 avatar accounts. That way nobody would ask why I was STILL on. Be on SL from morning till night. Addiction is my thinking I can't leave my business, I have to be there to keep putting out new products and pay tier or rents. Feels like my obligations to the game have been more important to rl ones. Because there really isn't any at this time.

I seem to only stop to shower and eat or sleep. I think I maybe the worst addict. I ignored my phone for several weeks. I had piled up texts and voice mails from friends who I never returned calls to. Cause of job loss too embarrassed to go out with them. Problem with SL is I can design and create there. What I went to school for. I had to quit due to financial problems. In there I get complimented on my work where is in rl I did not. Cause I hated my job. Although before losing job and SL all the time, I loved my life. I don't feel I fitted typical loser stereotype at all. But now, I could just die reading this cause I do. Just in the fact how it's taken over and now isolated.

But when in the game, others who are there 24/7, when they talk on mic or go into rl details I think what a f*#$& oddball and loser! I would NEVER talk to them outside of game. What am I doing here? I don't belong with them. And yes, a lot of them are messed up with poor social skills. I see that, obvious when you talk to many of them. I hate to see myself become this way. I sometimes pray my computer will breakdown to make sure I don't go in anymore.


jara cortes 6 years ago

If i read your storys, i rember some of my own, somehow the secondlife world gives us a lot we would realy like to have in real life. Sometimes i wonder if its us, or the world that has gone wrong somewhere. Now that i read your storys, i think its not because of us that the secondlife world is more atractive then our real life ones.

Wat i read a lot is that we get compliments on the things we love to do, and for the same things we don't get any compliments in real life. Now i wonder, whos wrong. Maybe there is something wrong with the real world...

But one thing i know, secondlife is not the solution to this. if we don't like the world as it is, we need to change it together. And i don't think the people who love you in real life deserve to be alone because you prefere your digital life more. I think everbody, especialy the people from sl needs to see that wat they do is not the right thing. It may feel better for a while, but it wont solve anything...


jara cortes 6 years ago

Wat i also see a lot is people who think they have a big responsibily in secondlife. Wel let me tell you something.

Secondlife is ok without you, and it wont miss you at all.

It wil just find difrent ways, and other people who think they should be responisble wil take over. Actualy, your infuluence on secondlife is 0.0, Or wat i mean is that secondlife wil go on, with or without you. The choice to paticipate is yours...


chinagirl 6 years ago

I never even knew what SL was until my husband told me that his father is getting a divorce. After being married for over 20 years his wife has decided that this fake life is more important that her real one. She has even gone through plastic surgery to fufill her dream of becoming more like her fake lady. To all of you SL addicts keep your real hopes and dreams alive. Having an addictive personality doesn't mean life has to end. Poor Linda is in her mid fifties and is going to die a lonely old woman. I doubt any of her fake friends are going to be there for her when she really needs someone to take care of her.


LostGirlfriendinSecondLife 6 years ago

I have been struggling with my girlfriend's addiction to second life for over a year now. Your posted messages are all too familiar. How can I help her? What choice do I have when your phone calls are ignore and emails are not replied. I love her dearly. I have to move on and hope she realizes what she has lost. And then maybe she will have the strength to revisit the real life. If you have any advice, it would be appreciated.


Cencoic Genesis 6 years ago

Get the word out to about the very destructive nature as well as the harmful effects that Second Life (SL) can have on your friends, neighbors and love ones. It’s my opinion that when anything attempts to isolate people from reality it’s destructive, harmful, and hurtful not only to the individual that is participating but also to others such as employers, family, neighbors and oneself of course. I suggest that if you’re involved in SL and it has a grip on your time, life, behavior and outlook on life that you seek help through friends, church, counseling, Internet Addiction Disorder (IAD) counselors. Do whatever you need to do in order to be set free. You so called friends on line aren’t truly your friends because anytime one has to substitute online time from real life friends there is a major distortion in ones perception of reality. I have personally wasted countless hours on such non-sense and thank God I now have my family who loves me and I got to the point that I want nothing to do with anything that robs me of the truth, reality, family and of course my faith. I hope anyone who I addicted and needs assistance will be brave and seek the help they need. There are lots of real people who care about you and there is no reason to settle of anything but the truth. God bless everyone that is seeking help and desires to be set free from this type of addiction.


Solo Elman 6 years ago

I admit SL is extremely addictive, but it's just a matter of finding the balance. I told myself numerous times "Oh it's ok, im only gonna be on for a few hours" I always wided up pulling all nighters. I felt sooo alive through the web site. A lot of people can't keep the mentality that it is only a game. I'm one of them. At first I always said it's only a game, I'm not attracted to th avi on my screen. Truth is, I'm not. But i am attracted to the....how do i put this...? The people who play the avi. Like personality, and so on. If think about it people sort of put themselves into the avi so u become attarcted to the person. it doesn't help that everyone in SL are perfect. I began ignoring my gf, friends and most importantly my family. I thought i was never going to snap out of this sickly addiction.... And i was right. I haven't logged on since June 2010. It feels like forever. But the only reason i haven't is because my computer broke. I miss it a lot but not like i used too. I fixed my relationship and am now going on 10 months. I know it not long but im happy. As for secondlife i will return as soon as possible. =) the addiction continues.


ry 6 years ago

i hate secondlife my girlfriend is obsessed with it, or probly my ex now i don't hear from her shes hid away somewhere having sex with 65 yr old men who shes diluded into thinking are young women, this fucking bullshit game puts ppl completely out to lunch, the last convo i had with my girlfriend she was spaced out and i could hear her keyboard clicking in the back ground, then she mutters after a long silence, im trying to save money for a new laptop so i can spend more time on second life, so i wont be around for a while. like come on ppl wtf is this, i threw away the last year of my life trying to integrate this girl back into the world after she was lost in that fuckin world, n now shes decided real life aint so great n gone back again. this makes me want to fuckin lynch someone. for all you fags who think your hooked on that game because you can be what u wanna be, the only reason you couldn't be what u wanted to be in real life is because you don't beleive in your ownself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smarten up, go out doors. get a fuckin job, go interact with fleshy ppl


GETRIDOFSL 6 years ago

I have a friend who started playing SL about 5 weeks ago. He is disabled and has very few RL friends at this point. I am one of the only ones who sticks around. Well, I have since ended our relationship because of SL. He is chatting with other women and they would have no interest in him in RL. I can't help him now because we are not talking, and he could really care less. What do I do now? I miss him dearly.


SL addict partner 6 years ago

I am living with an SL addict that has been connected now for about a year and a half.The addiction came quickly and destroyed his life, family, friends, body, mind.Lots of confusion between real life and virtual SL life. Very sad....and Liden lab making so much money out of it.


Cencoic Genesis 6 years ago

All the stories and experiences I have read are so sad. It's all about good choices in life. What a shame to be so addicted and miss out on real life with this silly game. In the end it amounts to nothing yet people will destroy their own very life and soul for the game and there so called friends. God help this country and help get the word out and the dangers of SL.


An Addicted Avatar  6 years ago

I relize too that I'm addicted to secondlife. I got on becuase I was in love with SIMS and secondlife was the Ulitimate SIMS game. Then I was able to explore parts of my sexuality that I wasn't able to in real life for fear of STDS. next thing I knew I was playing every chance I could. I even change my work schedule and workout schedule to 3am, so I could spent more time on secondlife. Even my credit card company became concerned , they blocked me getting lindens and when I called to complain the agent asked it it was a gambling site. I first thought that was funny and weird and even became upset fot the query Until I tally up I was spending more than $600 US dollars a month in seconlife. I cut back now to $300 a month but that's still ridiculous. They make the game so consumer driven, and to have a nice place really cost. I did have a homestead but secondlife policy is you have to rent it from someone , who has a private island and that person jack up the price to make a profite , it's a shame. I downsize to a large parcel so I can have all my things I like to play with, but I have to share the island with others and the lag is so bad you can barely enjoy it , so you began to wish you had your own Homestead . It's a cycle. I want to stop but don't know if I can.


chris 6 years ago

SL for say someone whose real life is ruined would be a godsend like someone in a wheelchair with no outside contact, and maybe to for isolated adults with no social life it could relieve the torture of loneliness. Because if its incredible addictiveness it needs boundaries you set before playing.

It is really bad because you can act out any fantasy at all

you have ever wanted to. But you eventually get bored and realize all that glistens isn't gold. I am a reformed addict .

Funny thing is Rl is lacking in the relationship way I miss the online friendships a little as I had them for so long but I have a great family and friends and everything sorta went back to normal coz boundaries were always kept

ie no online girlfriends- that's just plain weird doing that


Link 6 years ago

i was addicted for about a year, couldn't handle work nearly lost my job, ignored the girlfriend most of the time and could happily sit in front of the PC for 48hrs straight, regularly sat up until the sun rose, it got that bad i was looking at RL objects (tree's buildings etc) and seeing them as textures (if you haven't been that bad you wont understand what i mean). With the advent of more emersive gaming on the horizon, game addiction is going to be a real problem for the world. The ONLY way to get rid of this addiction is cold turkey, take a hammer to your PC. The anxiety, depression and stress from not going on lasts about two weeks, the urge to go back on lasts about a year, but once you are out of it for that long you will find it difficult to get back into the swing of things. this isn't just an SL problem however and emersive gaming addiction is on the increase and could be one of modern histories worst illnesses


me 6 years ago

test


bluemoon 6 years ago

hi every one ..if i may add my experience with 2nd. life...up until april this yr i was living and caring for my partner who also suffered from elements of M.E....tiredness exhaustion ect ect..we had been to-gether as teenagers and were engaged but then ended up going different ways...we met up again 7yrs ago and since been to-gether .. nearly 2 yrs ago his sister told him about 2nd life(altho as far as i am aware does not play herself)at first he spent just a few hrs in the eve on it ..but then up till when he moved out with out telling me whilst i was at work he was from 19:00-03:00 or longer in 2nd life...he found energy to play that but was unable to find much energy during the day ..said 2nd life did not zap his energy!!any way when-ever someone passed his screen he wld quickly flick over to a card game or something else...i did find messages of a strong sexual nature he had written describing things he wanted to do to people..when confronted he said he was involved in a group but had now left that group!but he continued once when he went to the bathroom and forgot to close his computer i peeked on it and saw he had an e.mail address with *tarts* and sexuall txts he actually blushed wen he saw what i had been looking at and again made up an excuse that all sorts of things get sent via 2nd life to his e.mail address .. i am sure they do!family visiting whilst i was at work often found him on the computer so it wasn't only eves and nights...he is 57 and looked like an old old man hunched over the screen all night..i must add he is also intelligent ..but that gets lost along the way...hw would insist that there was no way he could speak to people or see people ect ect .. not being a gamer i had no idea if this was true and have since discovered it was all lies...as all will know contact can be made with no problems...i since know he is now involved in slaves /apparantly owns them ect and what ever else...it is heart breaking to see this having happened as i love him very much ..it is just awfull


onemoreSLaddict 6 years ago

hi...i came across this while looking for stuff about sl addictions...a LOT of your comments sound just like what i'm going through right now....my mind stays on sl, i have isolated myself from my friends and family...i'm in 'love' with a guy i've never met...i've missed work/late everyday...pouring my USD into buying Linden Dollars..this has been going on for 3 months...i used to think that game addictions/having a game addiction was just another way to say that the person is lazy and lacks motivation...but after pouring myself into this avi, i can see how it's so easy to be addicted. i am going to try cutting back. if i can't, then i will delete my avitar, and sl. thank you all for sharing your stories...


nightrider 6 years ago

yeah i don't play myself but my brother is addicted...that's all he thinks about and does...he is diabled and that is his life...he has lost all concept of the real world...he talks about 2nd life like it was real...he spends a lot of money on this game and for what...he has neglected his only sister put this game over me and his other family..he has neglected his own health so he can play this game...he really needs to go to the dr and eye dr but doesn't save money for that wants to save money so he can buy another computer so he can play two avatars at the same time..i don't know about being obbessed but to me that is a pure example of obbession.


Recovering from SL 6 years ago

I just left SL recently after close to 5 years of my life wasted and like so many totally engrossed in pixel life that really does effect your RL. The withdrawl is real and painful. Remember, SL needs players to have the game survive, good players (and you will become one over time) need good players to make the game better and they will do anything and everything to keep you there to play filling your head with anything to make you feel good and want to be there. Once you leave the game, you're just a memory of a lost player. You think the "friends" there are real friends but just as the game is all in your head and is a fantasy. The addiction is real and I know how hard it is to walk away but do whatever you can to put RL back in your life first and foremost.


bluemoon 6 years ago

hi again....forgot to mention that my still much loved x partner is now sitting on a camp site in spain .. and when i very unexpectedly *stumbled* over him (his last message was that he had gone to france to live with an x girfriend) he was sitting there with his *best friend* on his knees...not his girfriend but his laptop and still involved in 2nd life..i am finding it so hard to cope with what has happened and every day is a struggle ..but he! that's something else...its all the lies that he kept telling me about this as mentioned b4 there is no way u can have contact with the avatars.. no one can see or communicate apart from txt ..all so many lies.. he is also heavily in debt (not as said due to s/l)and it is not as though i am not open thinking in many aspects of life ..i am -so having found out what he has been up to..his character being a master/dom and the sexual things he was doing whilst i was in bed (have to work) or whilst i was at work is soul destroying...his last comments were that i never listened...i tried i tried most of what many peoples who's loved ones have been through on this site...in the end you just don't know where to turn to..many of my friends suggestions were less sensitve .water and computer comes to mind ..


Jara 6 years ago

@Bluemoon, i understand your feelings, and i know how it feels. At first i want to tell you, forget him, and focus on your own life. Its the usual reaction to say this, im in a group, and this is just wat RP ( Roleplay ) is all about, and i like it. These are the worst Sl addicts, and you probably not going to be able to talk sens in him. Actualy its like with all addicts, they don't see they destroy there own self, there world, there friendships. They need professional help.


bluemoon 6 years ago

hi jara... thanks for ur comments.. i am trying ...it's hard ..but it's that or sink....there r days i think i may ..but i choose to work as many hrs as possible...i am just recieveing all his bank and debts letters now been coming thru the door non stop re-adressed to me ..so he! happy days..not sure wat u spend money out on s/l not sure wat a dom in non real world would need to buy except for the obvious..sweet dreams


jara 6 years ago

Im reading back some comments, and read that sl friends are actualy real friends, like penpalls. The avatars are moved by real people. But there is one verry big difrence wat in my opinion makes the difrence between a real friend, and a secondlife friend. A penpall friend would never ask you to go sit behind your pc all day starting at the screen. They also don't ask to write all day and forget the rest of the world. I think real secondlife friends shouldn't support eachother to be there in any case, actualy real friends would tell, go out, and forget secondlife, cause it brings you nothing in life.

Instead its a bunch of selfish people, who only think about the attention they need, and the attention they probably miss in there real life. They support eachother only to make sure they stick together in this unreal platform to forfill there needs. That's wat keep you from logging off, or leaving.

It reminds me a bit of the story of the island of lotus flowers from odyssius.


Leanne 6 years ago

Hey there. Ive been on sl since October 2008. I first joined out of curiosity and found myself immersed in this world very quickly. Im still in this world and i have a lot of responsibility there.

I know im addicted though. Ive always known SL was ruining my rl but i would just say to myself"oh who cares, rl is crap anyway" However something has happened in the last few days that has opened my eyes. I lost my rl job because of my addiction to sl. In the last 2 years ive had 3 heavy bouts of depression and these were a result of losing a love in sl. The last time it happened was about 2 weeks ago, depression returned and i didn't go into work. Therefore lost job. So now im realy taking a look at things.Ive realised i don't get text messages anymore from rl friends, onlhy from sl friends. The same with emails. I wake up and log in, i log off and go to bed. I stopped going out with friends, i wouldn't go to moms for the weekend but i didn't want to lose a weekend of sl. I spend at least 6 hours a day on sl. Im so addcited and i don't know how im going to get off it. I really don't. I still love going into sl so much so how am i going to give it up?? Especailly now that im unemployed there will be more hours in the day to get online. Ive also got terrible sleeping habits now. I stay up till 4am everynight bc that's when all my sl friends are online.

I really don't know what im going to do but i know im ready to face reality for what it is, and i now know what it is doing to my life.

Annisha Pevensey is my inworld name.


Help is here Leanne! 6 years ago

Leanne your story is so typical of the addiction cycle whether it's on this or that social network. It sounds like slavery to me. In fact any addiction is a form of slavery. If you truly want to get set free from this I have the answer. Read these scriptures...."For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16. Call on his name and ask him to save you from your addiction to this and I promise he'll set you free once and for all. I pray you'll accept him and have the life you deserve once and for all.

They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity---for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him (2 Peter 2:19).

The righteousness of the upright delivers them, but the unfaithful are trapped by evil desires (Proverbs 11:6).

Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more (Ephesians 4:19).

Jesus can and will set you free but you must repent of your sins and accept him as your Lord and Savior. John 3:16 says....."For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,[a] that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."


jara 6 years ago

Leanne, its verry simple, i think you only ask the wrong question. Cause i think you already know the answer. Just let go, and accept that you maybe going to have a hard time. Delete your caracter, and let go. Now comes the question, how are you going to pick up life again, and make sure an addiction like this is not going to happen again. Find the joy back in your life, and start working.


sl_hater 6 years ago

yeh read every comment here find it all really funny and i am going through this myself my gf plays every waking second of her life she can on there when we are out i can see she just wants home to play sl

i am so hardened to addiction its unreal spending my teenage days watching my friends go through alcohol and drug addiction some overdoses along the way and i never once got addicted to anything

why ?

not because i am happy in life far from it but because i am strong willed and not stupid it would have been so easy to for me to fall into something as i spent many years surrounded by it until i up and left my hometown to start afresh since then i only go back to visit parents and that's it i have some painfull scars from all that past and now once again i am going through it all again with something i never knew was possible best thing was i introduced her to it as she wanted something to play i didn't play it but thought she might like it yeh she does a bit too much.

do i blame myself ?

hell no !

everything she used to do has gone i pulled her on it the other day (not the first time i may add wothout success in the past)and told her straight she was going to lose me she stayed off the whole next day but i could see it that all she wanted was to go back.

some people here may think i am callus but its up to her when she plays now right now she is on sl while i write this she has been warned and i have that time figure in my head if it reaches that point i am gone with no chance of going back

do i love her ?

yes

but for me real life MY LIFE comes first and i wont sit through another damm addiction its been around 3 years now the last two have been her sitting constntly in front of that screen with me occasiobally trying to reason with her and being met with hostility like you would with any other addiction when you try to interfere so if you think i have not tried well i can assure you i have i now have nothing left to give and tbh i don't think we could ever get back to that same place we were before all down to a game.

the guys who mock it here wise up this is real and for the ones who want to stop it here is the only way you can finally stop it !

discconect your internet !

i cant do this as i run an online business mores the pity but i have been tempted to smash her pc on several occasions and even raise my hand to her and i have never hit a woman in all my lifetime of 40 years.

deep down i know i am going to leave her soon and start afresh once again that's something i have done many times so it does not scare me one bit.

some people cant be helped and will always be an addict


SL Girl 6 years ago

A wonderful thread. Great help to read all of this. I've been addicted to SL for one year, since day one. Created a wonderful sexy avatar, loved to go shopping, dressed her up to be the prettiest girl in SL (in my eyes and many others), loved the attention of all the men and girls. Doing wonderful sexual things that can't be done in real life. But spending way, way, way too much real life time. Day job suffered (I'm self-employed), to the point where I would spend entire working weeks on SL, when I should have been working for clients and earning money for my family. Now I have quit - today - deleted my account, i.e. killed my avatar. It's the only way you can really quit. I don't know how many times I uninstalled and re-installed the game just a couple of hours later. My advice: Don't even start. LOL.


Sammi05 6 years ago

SL is the worst thing that's ever happened to me...i became so addicted to the game, that i lost my finace, that i proposed to, lost my self identity out in the real world...I stopped going out, i stopped talking to people out in the real world, i even stopped going to bed with the man that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with...i've spent about $2500 CND in real money on that game...in the end, i nearly lost my children...

It CAN turn around though...i had my friend put a block on the site, gave another friend from the game all my log in info and told her to change the password and never give it to me...I have been off the game as of Sept 7, 2010 and i have no desire to go back...my kids are happy and everything is starting to get on track with them, my fiancé and i are working things out and we're actually expecting a baby! I'm not saying that some days aren't stressful..everyone has good days and bad days...but i got rid of all ability to get on the game...i got rid of my laptop that i used to use to access SL because the graphics card in my desktop is too outdated to handle the graphics of the game...it's taken time...some people say it hasn't been that long at all for me...but when you're on it 22 hours a day 7 days a week, 35 days is FOREVER! And when you're determined enough to stay "clean" from it, you can do anything in a short period...Anyone who is having issues overcoming their addiction to SL, feel free to lean on me...i've been there, done it, and i'm coming out a stronger person! There IS a light at the end of this very dark tunnel...believe me


bluemoon 6 years ago

hi again every-one..especially hi to you s.lhater...i can feel ur frustration so much and know exactly how you feel....its so totally totally awfull for the ones left watching their partners and loved ones hunched over their computer oblivious to the world..its a very very lonely existense..the lies and deceit are so hurtfull..a friend of mine actually had my x partners avatar name he was so excited about her looking at what it is all about(she enjoys games but healthy attitude to them)..he showed her and then said to delete his character name afterwards..she forgot and never played again as was not her kinda thing...so we were able to see on all his pictures what he had been up to...involved in every possible xtrem sexual group possible ..believe me its not nice...he has picture of a red silk girl lying on top of him ..messages telling any one interested to come and kneel at his feet all in picture ..places like bukka garden slut alley and slave island were his haunts plus unmentionable ones..his picture shows long dark flowing hair...if the avatars only really knew.....he has moved onto another avartar it seems now but still keeps pictures of him on that site with all his desires and instructions for any one desperate for his abilities !!!open to the sl world ..this is a good site here as it helps u realise ur not alone and not imagining all the problems that sl caused....


Easy Addict 6 years ago

I first posted here 6 months ago i was besotted and couldn't leave my computer. Now 6 months on im alone my marriage has broken up after 25 yrs and i don't see me children very often either. i wake up and im on the computer im now late for work nearly every morning then i get home and im on until midnight every night and all weekend. I have had my heart broken and i got so depressed, for 4 months we on line together for up to 16 hrs a day he totally consumed my life then it ended and i was lost but i continued inworld and my friends there supported me i started building which has given me a new purpose in sl im still there as much as i can be its my life now i don't have a real one anymore.My greatest wish is that i had never even looked at sl for me it has become such a powerful addiction but i don't want to stop


Cold Turkey 6 years ago

Stumbled over this site by google, seems there are a lot of people suffering from SLIA (SL induced addiction)

To make a long story short: Started in 2008 out of a massive depression, had quit work and left a lot behind, in an unhappy relationship and trying to be SL all that was not to be in RL. Came in, fooled around a bit and quickly settled in. FYI, male 40+-, not disabled, actually quite well of and not unattractive. Why do I write this? Having become addicted to SL (it is astonishing how easy it is to type it out... you´ll see later what I mean) I realized a few things:

1. In SL you have a ton of opportunities to lurk and prey like a mantis. Especially as a man. The amount of sexually and/or generally with RL disappointed women in SL is amazing. Trust me, I know. To clarify, I am a SL and RL very dominant person. Back to topic, I had women masturbate on camera for me on skype while their hapless husband was working his ass off. I met them RL. Fucked and "abused" them RL (not going to explain BDSM concepts here). Had a RL girlfriend (local girl) on the side and used my work and assets to fly to places 8000 miles away just to fulfill my ultimate power dreams. It works. It works so well I have 5 (!) fully active AVs in-world, even acting in the same scenarios. Are my skills at disguise so good people do not realize or is it so they do not WANT to realize? Option no. 2 in my oppinion. Addiction is denial, if you want to believe the AV you "love" is with you only, you do. Period. So the story goes. Love pleas, vows of eternal devotion. Work for 2 weeks, not being on SL, bombarded on messengers and texts, phone. Get a second phone number, then a third. Keep timetables (!!) to not get on with the wrong avatar at the wrong time (Timezones... no need to say more). Spend a week there, satisfying your craves (or is it the craves of those that are with you?), not working and raising their hopes again. Have a mixed week with complaints (you are on so rarely etc.).

2. I noticed with all the Roleplay, I have become better at typing my emotions and feelings then speaking them. Moving the sexual and communication (OOC or out of content) part from SL to Skype or MSN/YM etc. it helped. Got my social communication skills back, no need to type my emotions anymore. That is what I said at the start (It is so easy to type it - in relation to addiction), simply put, you have no inhibitions on SL.

3. Momentary situation: Only on 2 AVs now, quite an improvement. Spend more time on YM now as one of the SL female "playthings" turned out to have a personality actually really attractive for me. Did not fall to the usual habit of "go there, fuck once or twice and forget" but went classic route, building it up and wanting to test if a real "classic" relationship is even possible for me anymore. On the 2nd AV, another story, a woman so totally "devoted" to me in SL but refraining from RL involvement - yet. That is what made it so addictive. Breaking boundaries and facing challenges. As the day comes nearer of meeting the one I am interested in, start thinking how to keep no. 2 alive and a secret as it is a backup if no. 1 fails.

Consensus:

We are on SL to make up for things we failed at in RL.

As you already failed somewhere once, you keep backups, should it all fail again.

Forget this "SL only" bullshit. If you have a captivating personality and above average writing skills, you get personal information down to the other side sprawled naked with a toy in her on cam in no time.

You start to lie, cheat, obfuscate and set up decoys for those "tracking" you, be it RL family, friends or your SL buddies. Addiction traits as they come.

Mind you, I focused on the sexual/relational part of SL addiction. If I added the thrill of owning "land", making things out of thin air and even breathing life into them through scripts, this would be even longer. I consider myself an absolute SL "pro" with high above average skill. Coming from public relations, my empathical and immersive skills paired with eloquence and a natural arrogance made it all soooo easy.

What did it get me?

I broke dozens of hearts, having gotten what I wanted, I just let them rot alone, moving to the next challenge. Destroyed marriages, families, relations, lives. Yes, I am one of those some of you hate. Still, think about it. Had it not happened on SL, it would probably have somewhere else. We live in a society so connected and based on communication we can hardly leave our homes without a cellphone, fearing we could miss a call or text. It seems it has become usual habit to NOT fight for anything anymore. Just hop on the next train that seems to be the easier, more enjoyable ride. To all those whose relations/engagements/marriages failed "through" SL, be honest to yourself, something was wrong there even before SL.

It is not SL addiction, it is an addiction to things fantastical and remote. MMORPGs, virtual communities, chatrooms, camrooms, meeting sites for extra-marital encounters... the net has it all. Use common sense. Ask yourself: Is that REALLY ME?

I did...

The next few weeks will show what happens. I vowed to myself I will not make the same mistakes again when I hook up with the aforementioned no. 1 woman in a few months. I marked the day in my calender when we fly to the chosen vacation spot together and set a reminder 4 weeks later to delete ALL AVs if it works out. My schedule runs my life, so I stick to it.

Wish me luck that it works out...

a. It would get me rid off an addiction going so far to post this on an addict website

b. It would remove a lurker for prey making the life of some here miserable.

A word to the wise, men in particular:

While you shout and argue with your woman, there is someone waiting to comfort her and whisper in her ear. Do not let it happen. Work on your RL, your relations, your soul. There are no problems, only wrong attempts at solving them.


Sorvea 6 years ago

I posted here 9 months ago, saying I wasn't as addicted as I use to be, and I'm still on and off, but usually only when I'm doing my concerts.

SL hasn't really consumed a lot of my "Time" so to speak, but it has consumed a lot of my finances...

I still have a real life, yes, an SL addict can have a real life ^_^ however, it has sucked up alot of my money.

It's so easy to put your own money into second life, and buy that cute outfit, or that "unique" dress. Maybe a cool avatar you see everyone running around with?

I'm a power seaker in real life. I want the fame, I want the glory, I want people to love me, but I was buying there love.

Letting "friends" use my land, but when I'd have to send a few things back to them, they would get upset. I let them use a few prims for sky-boxes, and they would rez out more and more and more. I would buy more land that came for sale around me just so I could have my own primage.

When you start asking for a little compensation... you find out who your "friends" are. (Land is VERY expensive on SL by the way, and people would rather mooch off their "friends" then foot the bill themselves)

As mentioned before, I'm a singer, and owning my particular stream isn't expensive, but "friends" would ask my help in getting started, and I would let them use my stream to practice with. I showed them several places to buy their own, and I found out that they continued to use mine! When I had the password changed to block said "friends" out, they really showed their true colors...

I didn't want to make people upset with me, but, I attracted the wrong kinds of "Friends" sure, not all my friends are as manipulative, the girl who helped me start streaming has been the best friend in the world to me. And my neighbors (yes, I know my SL neighbors better then my R/L neighbors) have been very sweet, supportive, and friendly.

I've almost sucked out all the poision from my second life, and I will be more careful in the future.

Just goes to show, Second Life can be other things then a "time" theif...


Ex-SL addict 6 years ago

SL is nothing but a dream.

People should live their life, not dreaming it...

Good luck to all the addicts


Leonine 6 years ago

Secondlife is a dangerous place, it is not necessarily the concept of having a virtual life or using as a game. I believe the most destructive element is the addiction for ego stroking, having alter egos and generally the deceptive behaviour of people, who in normal every day life do not portray themselves in this way. I was very unfortunate in the sense that i met someone who for 18 months led me to believe that there were strong emotional feelings and a connection, when really he was addicted to getting himself as many women as possible. The addiction lies in the need to be valued, the game itself is rather dull. The only thing that keeps people there is the need to live out fantasies that are not apparent in normal life. I have cancelled my account today mainly because the whole place is steeped with lies and deceit and the addiction is to try and find out who you really are in a place where everyone acts falsely. I have even seen evidence of people who have partners in secondlife, partners in their REAL lives and then continue to weave this web of deceit, where they set up other alternative accounts to have other alter egos. I find this very unhealthy, i believe that the addiction to sex is totally exploited. I believe, especially in my case that it is a catalyst for people with any kind of low level addiction prior to joining, end up becoming totally consumed with sexual fantasies. In my case i was with a guy who believed in total control, this led to him trying to control a number of women in real life also. This to me has been heartbreaking to watch as he can also ruin peoples real lives for the sake of addiction to his own egotistical ways, I would like to ask the question? do you think that any form of internet relationship is a form of cheating? i would value your comments.

I believe in this case the site is an addiction on an emotional level and especially if you are new to this, you tend to be exploited. I would like the secondlife creators to consider getting rid of the many alternative avatars that can be set up as this is the main area of addiction that i can see.


Sorvea 6 years ago

@ Leonine

I totally agree with you there! I have 2 alts on my Second Life account, one of them acts as my "banker" so my Lindens don't get sucked dry if I accidentally leave my camper on. lol Another is my mom, and I have no problems telling people my alts, I think there should be something in the profile that tracts IP addresses and states in their profile something like "Alts are "john doe, Jane doe, Bill Smith" People will still make up lies about who they are even with this, but, it does give a bit of insight! Great idea and sorry you left Second Life. :(


Siaka 6 years ago

Reminds me when I slept once every 3 days, and that was on the couch in front of my computer. Anything I did I was always thinking about SL. As soon as I logged on I felt realxed, as if all the stress was gone, even if I was just standing there alone not doing anything. I stopped when I ended up in the streets where I couldn't log in anymore. I wouldn't say I lost 3 years of my life as I had great times but looking at it from above, yes I did.


worried 6 years ago

Hi!

I'm a bit worried cuz my best friend wants to start playing SL.

I warned her about it being addictif, but she sais she'll never be addicted and it's just to 'try it out'

what do i do?


Sorvea 6 years ago

@ "Worried"

There's good, and bad points to it. Some people fall in completely obsesses, then taper off after a few months. Some people log in, get frustrated because they can't understand it, and leave, and others create a whole new identity, believing themselves to be that other person.

It helps if she finds a nitch in second life. Builder/designer/entertainer/scripter... remind her that she is an amazing person in both real life and second life. help her set aside some "Second Life" time.

Who knows, she could make a little money on the side! But keep her in check! ^_~


worried 6 years ago

Thanks :)

I think she knows she's adored... I just hope she doesn't fall into it!


dmicha4583 6 years ago

Omg where do I start!! I became unemployed and my husband had an accident and was confined to home. Up until about a month and a half ago things were great. He downloaded the game Second Life. He started sneaking around, up all hours, taking his cell phone to bed, purchases a lot of lindens. I pulled the phone records and see he is calling his second life partner all day long. When I approached him about it, I was told it was only a game. He has no decided that he wants a divorce because he hasn't been happy in a while. ~eyeroll~ This game has ruined my life and his and he doesn't even know it he is so consumed. If it was just a game why has he taken it to the next level? She also knows he's married. It's a shame!!


Snow 6 years ago

Your Brain is a Machine.

You determine what is real and what not.

The only reason people think they are 'Secondlife addict' is cause they want to conform to 'normality' which was pressed on them by society.

You create your own values. cause you have to enjoy life.

I stopped watchin TV, compared to Secondlife..

Tv is Boring and Static. and you can not 'add to it'

Fear of being left out.

That is what makes people think stuff like "secondlife' is a 'addiction'

Howmuch of an addiction is something that you enjoy?

We are at the brink of new development..

We, as a species are now Evolving to become more virtual.

When i was brought up, they sayd that "reading comicbooks was stupifying your brain"

Nowdays. the most books at schools have "funny cartoons' enbedded in the learning ways.

Cause subjects take in information better when they are happy.

They thought kids where 'addicted' to comics..

If everything you like to do is an 'addiction' boy then i have a lot.

Im kinda addicted to being nice to people for instance.

OMG NOOH!

He's addited to be NICE!

But in the "global eye' of society.. they don't see that as an addiction.

Why?

Cause they understand that behavior.

Only repeated behavior they don't understand is regarded as an Addiction.

Never "Boy, he arrives each day ontime on his work. must be an addiction!"

or "He buys me flowers each Valentinesday!" Nooh!

Those are not addictions to the society.

Cause they regard these as "Normal" or even "Wanted"

The fact that we are an animal wich is used to live in groups, is also what makes you 'care what others think'

Cause in the old days. when we where just monkeys in a tree.

It would be 'life or death' for the group to like you

But we evolved from that.

Conclusion

----

Stop with 'addictions' only because you want it deep inside you

Don't stop just because you are trying to conform with society.

--

(except when you damage somebody else with it)


Sorvea 6 years ago

@ Snow

Well Said! I have no problem with people playing Second Life recreationally. Have fun with it! That's what it's ment for! It's when it comes to the point of breaking families up, and ripping real life homes apart that I cringe.

If you live alone, have no kids, no-one else you have to look after then yourself, then fine, have a blast!

If your a mother, and you kids are crying for your attention, or your husband wants to take you out to dinner and your slapped in front of the almighty screen, then yes, you are addicted.

Thank you Snow for your comment


llgc 6 years ago

The danger of Second Life is how our brains respond to experience. It's a tantalizing world where there are no rules, no God, a playground for role playing, shopping, sex, building, selling, escaping, dreaming. Then...you meet friends, become more than friends, fall in love? Love? Our brains begin to "experience" just as in real life. Our brains change. Memories are created, those feelings are real and we don't forget them. That night dancing, pretty romantic chat, the fairy tale thing, the music, all creates a story we write, we make it dreamy but it becomes memory, chemically soaked memory. That song plays in real life, we remember. We come back for more, for that fix, that thrill-it's a drug and withdrawl is as painful as any serious, brain changing addiction. Real life had lost color while sojourning in Second Life. As I said you don't have to have an addictive personality, all your brain needs is a push, a thrill, a rush, an experience. You can't say, what is missing in your real life, you should start there and figure that out first. Sorry, you can have the greatest life but anyone can become addicted to something in Second Life. They didn't mean to, that's the catch, but it bit you in the ass regardless.


cybele 6 years ago

Sex and the darker side seem to me to be a big part of second life, not a small part at all.

I think SL addresses many insecurities in us as human beings and offers us a pixel world as a pacifier.

like any thing else computer generated it stimulates one part of the brain to overload capacity. I think we have to then give our brains the chance to readjust back to normal settings for real life.


ex SL Addict 6 years ago

Myths:

1) Second Life can be played recreationally (those that would do get bored very fast)

2) People don't mix RL and SL as per the 1st life tab. Usually they are the one mixing even more.

3) RL couple playing SL are never RL happy couple, they would like to be but instead prefere to be in virtual arms...

4) You can have a balanced RL while playing SL (you are lucky if you can manage to keep your job...)

FACTS:

1) SL is a game of escapism and a quest for happyness

2) Game for single or about to break couples

3) People are talking to themselves on their own profile...it makes them alive,having so many friends and family.

4) The more friends you have on SL the less in RL

Conclusion: SL stand for Sucking Life, Seeking Life, Sex Lust or whatever hat suits you best. Its ca$hing on modern day unhappiness caused by a crazy materialistic world providing a very addctive dream state life.

Its the same a all these crazy Facebook or myspace or whatever feed people needs to feel loved or cared about...ITS ALL FALSE...WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!!


married to an SL addict 6 years ago

wow, just wow....my wife has been playing SL, for I don't know how long is in a masters program for counseling is kidding herself into believeing she is helping people....she plays 5-10 hours a day, we fight every time it is brought up, she is into horse genetics on there to an unbelieveable degree. I work,she does not, the house is a wreck, the clothese stay dirty...not sure how much more can take, counseling is supposed to start next week...if I make it. I could on and on, but it appears you folks know it all too well


Disable 6 years ago

i wrote a long note which I later asked to be deleted. All I have to say is that I have lost my best friend outside of my wife to this game and I am devastated. It is hard for me to sit here knowing that this friend is completely immersed in the fantasy around SL. If this is how it feels for a friend, I am very sorry for all of you who have spouses or significant others lost in the "game".


AnErin 5 years ago

So for some, not having much of a real life is cause of things like SL. For others, SL is the result of not having much of a real life.

I am sure my story is not unique but when I started and got the hang of it, I got addicted. The thing was, I basically fell in love with my avatar. I created it to replicate the person I so wish I was. It was what I consider to be the ideal human being. I even had photos on my avy on my i-pod and would look thru them when I was at work. In fact, the day I got laid off, my FIRST thought was, "OK fine, can I go home and play SL now?"

I guess what can cause SL to be so addicting is you can do and create things that you once only imagined. Sure it is not real but anything that comes close to living a fantasy is good.

Well after a few months I realised it was ruining my real life. I mean I would get jittery just sitting down to dinner in the living room cause I was missing out on SL for those 30 minutes. I had it so bad that sometimes I would be in tears thinking of SL and I didn't know why. Maybe cause thru SL, my eyes witnessed a person, a life, a place that I knew could never be real. That saddened me deeply.

I still enjoy SL two years later but it is not something I think about unless I am in world, which is maybe a few hours a week. It has not cost me a lot of money, I did earn some in the game, maybe RL $100 worth, and probably spent $25 of my own money, so it has not been a financial burden. I never buy land, just stuff for my avy.

For me, it just kind of lost it's luster. My avatar is still the most beautiful human-like creation that my mind can imagine but it is only an image. Besides, if it were real, it would never have anything to do with me anyways.

I cannot say I regret anything about SL. I did and do have fun with it. I realise those are not real friends. A couple may one day be but I doubt it. The avatars are but computer-generated graphics, not real humans.

I can honest to God say that RL does come first, I would promptly log off SL to do something fun in RL instead of the other way around.

I will continue to play SL, but not at the cost of RL.


Kesley 5 years ago

Found this on a Google search.

I totally know what you mean!

I used SL for the first time today. I made an account a few years ago and explored a little, but I got overwhelmed and turned it off.

Now I really explored it for real. And I spent SIX hours just looking around! And most of that time was in the same city!

I can't believe there are jobs and everything. Even trying to figure it out takes forever. I can't imagine how long it will take to go through all these virtual shops and have a virtual job.

I really want to get into SL, but I am just so scared of it, because it's so consuming. I am trying to figure out what is a good "balance" between the two.


BholenathValsan 5 years ago

SL is very cool but very bored at the same time, I mean, spending hours on end chatting like a sissy is not very fun for me, specially when it begins messing with my other video gaming: offline/singleplayer one and MMORPG one where you can progress and there is a way to measure your progress.

Plus I don't like the mental circus in which I'm thrown each time a start playing it. Has anyone else felt this?


Sorvea  5 years ago

I posted this on another SL addiction Thread, I thought I'd move it here. Sometimes it takes someone else to point out my flaws then for me to see them myself.

Sorvea Perdide said...

I am an SL Player, My avatars name is Sorvea Perdide.

I may have quit Second Life after a month, had I not learned about the concert scene.

I don't know if I could count myself as an SL addict or not. Some days I want to cry and say I'm addicted, but other days I shrug and say, "No I'm not."

I sing on SL, and this will bring me anywhere to $40 - $120 per week, depending on the # of sets I do. This is in US currency. This money goes into a savings account to be put away for real life traveling and vacations.

Here's how a week of my life goes

Sunday: Chill around the house/cleaning my room, clothes, sheets, till I have to do a set on SL about 7:00 PM SLT, after that, I chat a bit, then it's Beddy by time about 8:30 SLT

Monday: Wake up, Go to the Office, shoot caffieen directly into my veins, work till about 3:00 PM SLT, have dinner with the fam (fam consists of my mom, dog, and cat) Head onto SL at 5:00 PM SLT for a concert set, and then chat with some friends, then beddy by time about 7:00 PM SLT

Tuesday: Same as monday, but no SL for me! Ballroom dancing class! Owwwie my feet! Soak and sleep.

Wednesday: Same as above, till 3:00 PM, get home, din din, check out the TV, Log onto SL at about 6:00 PM SLT for my Concert Set, then Beddy By time about 7:00 PM

Thursday: Would be another Me-day, however, we are having a play in SL for Christmas. However, mostly watching TV, or checking out shows on HuLu. I may do some cone jumping on SL on an alt so no-one bothers me while I'm watching my shows X-D

Friday: OooooWeee... got two concerts, One at 6:00 PM SLT, then another at 8:00 PM SLT. Shrug off to bed about 9:30 and hit the Zzz's as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Saturday: I hardly even touch SL, unless no-one wants to go anywhere, then I watch some TV, or read a book while cone jumping on an alt, but if I'm not in the mood for even that, I probably won't even log into SL, not till I start reading a book on SL for the kiddo's at 7:00 PM SLT. Then Beddy By at 9:30 PM SLT.

So take a look at my week to week life. If I wasn't making a little money bit by bit on Second Life, I probably wouldn't be on at all, but the money comes in handy when I run short of cash at the end of the month, or I want to take off on a weekend geta-way somewhere. I don't feel the heebie geebies if I don't play for a day or so, but I will get 72 msgs of "OMG!! Where were you???" and I just replay with "Real Life came up"

Thanks for your time ^_^


trying to quit 5 years ago

destroying my life and my wife loves me the attnetion is addicting


sladdict 5 years ago

I've been playing secondlife for 2 years now and this last week i decided that that was it!... My RL before sl was great, had a lot of friends, good grades, great work prospects. I came into the game because i was bored and i started with making my avi look sexy and that stuff... now my life is a mess, my grades are low, i have no job and my friends are gone... my family is so worry for me and i can't stand it anymore.

I starting a psiquiatric treatment to deal with this and i hope this really help me... i want my life back or at least to fix a bit what i destroyed for a virtual life...

See you around and good luck to everyone who decide to leave this game, i'm sure we can do it!


lost in sl 5 years ago

Runnnnnn


Partner of addict 5 years ago

SL is for sad, lonely and vunerable without a clue on how to live real life, because they are unable to face up to the reality of how horrid it can be. Sadly that is real life. Second Life is a Utopia where everything is good or bad depending on personal likes and dislikes. You can be who you want to be full of lies mostly, I created an Avatar and lied my way through it and was believed by the type of people I mentioned at the beginning of this, cruel I know. They are usually unemployed overweight lazy individuals looking for love and acceptance and know it aint gonna happen for real, so they create a wonderful beautiful avatar. Whatever you want it is there. SL is for adults, yet reading the entries teens are sucked in its so wrong because they too are vunerable, as SL has its fair share of weirdos too I expect and proper checks should be made. My Partner spent 3 days and nights awake playing it and there is no sign of let up sad sod. Linden cannot be blamed they made it possible its the members who make the world and put their hard earned dole into it. Linden are making millions from it who can blame em its not their fault people have no idea how to get on with real life


Need my RL back 5 years ago

I was laid off from my career in October of 2007, and had joined SL the February before. It had been kept in check (mostly) while I was working, since I had 3 hours of commuting and a full day's work to do. I met a man on there, we fell in love, and had committed to each other from a distance until he could move closer to me. That was when things started to really get intense. I was supposed to be looking for a new career, yet I never did. I spent all day, every day, either with him, or the "friends" I had made on that program. He turned out to be a drug/alcohol addicted creep who lied about everything, so of course, I turned to my SL friends, and withdrew more from my real life. How do you explain to people in reality that you are dying inside because of the deception of someone in another country? I cut them out.

With my employment insurance running out, I became really stressed, and finally, after 2 years on the program, left in February 2009. I did it in one step, and that was it. The first couple of months were hard, but eventually I barely thought about SL, if at all. BUT.......

In February of 2010 (what is it with me and February's??) I joined IMVU, and am once again in the same cycle. I am currently not working again, and should be job searching (I had done something temp between SL and IMVU). Yet, once again, I am in another virtual relationship that feels awful(he's being a prized ass almost daily now), and with all these "friends" I text and talk on the phone with, but I am miserable. The big difference between leaving SL and now, is that so much time has passed, I almost forget what it's like to have a real career, social scene, go shopping for real, and such. I am almost afraid if I leave IMVU, I will be left as a giant void of a life. I know that's not true, but it's how I feel. It's been 3 years of this now...

To any of you out there that are starting to feel addicted and/or worrying that IMVU is starting to take over your life. STOP IMMEDIATELY, or at least tone it down if you have the discipline to do so. Trust me, the longer you wait, the harder it gets. Pretty soon, you forget almost entirely what real life is.


Cie Cie 5 years ago

I have been playing SL for almost 2 years now..in the beginning, it wasn't that bad. I would come in from work and spend about 3 hours on it but since I was a noob and really didn't know anybody, it was easy to just log in..buy a few things, hang out at a club then log off. Then in March of 2008, I got laid off from my job and was feeling really bummed about it. At first, I would just catch up with old friends and ex-coworkers but one day, I decided to turn back on SL and have been in there ever since. I'd say around January of 2010 is when it all started to go downhill. I had got involved in family life, people were my friends and overall, I was perfect in every way..busting my ass to make sure I had the hottest avatar in all of SL. Then I started to meet guys..all sleazebags in the end and long story short, it made me question wtf was going on in my RL to be reduced to a blubbering, crying fool over a guy that I'd only talked to on a phone or in Skype a few hours a day. I analyzed myself, "this was nuts". Ultimately the same reason I questioned also became the reason to reduce my time there. I got tired of the "lonely" feeling, and being a part of a big "family" I was constantly in or invited to weddings nearly every week..It was all disturbingly depressing. I found an outlet, started creating things and selling them..2 things keep me coming back. I have genuinely started to care for some people there, our friendships I am taking in RL with me..I had pen pals when I was younger so that's a plausible reason. Other than that..unless you are into the underside of SL (BDSM, voice escorts, sex sims), you will be spending most of your time shopping, clubbing or standing around gabbing for hours,watching people build or building yourself or maybe working 1 or more crappy jobs for a little bit of L; nothing special there. I have since reduced my time signifigantly, I can jump up and go out and not have a thought of SL. I mean, I am still very much apart of the game..but I am not letting the game be a part of me.


Chrstina  5 years ago

My husband has been on SL for over a year now. He does nt think he has a problem either. He has a HOT male avatar and has inappropriate relationships with others in the ADULT ONLY areas. HE try's to hide the screen from my site whenever i am near. I have seen Inappropriate posts from others. HE says that it is just a game! But, it is in his head and he spends all his free time on it. He is Currently on disability, and i fear the more he is out of work the more time he will be on SL.. He says this is NOT CHEATING, but i cannot overlook the fact that i feel it IS CHEATING. Not sure what i am going to do. He is a wonderful man, and we have been married for 16 years. I don't want to divorce him, but if things don't change it may have to come to that. It is like being IGNORED all the time.


Sorve 5 years ago

@ Christina

You deserve so much better then to be ignored. Maybe make an account yourself (don't get addicted) and ask him to give you a "Tour" of his favorite places or hangouts. Do you have kids involved? If that's the case you must think of them first and foremost. It's very stressful for a child to want their parents and be told to "Go sit down!" or "Go in another room! Dad's busy!" I've heard it so many times in a group of people when they leave their mics on accidentally. I probably wouldn't be there today if it wasn't for the music. I stay on it as minimal as possible due to the drama.


pinkado sandalwood 5 years ago

ok, i have read all this and yes, i am an sl addict, in fact, its running in the background as im re dressing her, now i might be diffrernt a bit here, i don't like normal sl, all the sex beaches and crap, i play in Gor, i like role play, i don't do the sex part of it, and if im captured in gor any sexual activity is FB (fade to black) as i am in a relationship and don't want to be doing that, my man knows im addicted but as long as all my animals are fed and happy (which is a lot) and house is tidy, i can play, i log on in the morning, spend an hour on, getting the days role play set up, im an outlaw, so im not all naked, then i do house stuff, im not a generally social person by nature, i tend to like being alone, but sl brings me out of myself, yes i agree sl destroys lives, and it nearly did it to mine, so now i think, will the actions im doing right now make me mad if my partner did it, and if the answer is yes, i stop, i do find sl occupies my mind a lot, i do dream in sl, but i have always been like that, before sl i used to dream of being a fairy or mermaid, my mind is strange like that, it always has been, what can i say, i would love to not be addicted, i really would, but i am, and i know it, so i make sure to interact with my man, my rl as best i can, and once the sun goes down the pc comes out and i play, but, i make sure to get up and make coffee every 30 mins or so, try to snap out and also, i tell my bf about it, even though he don't care, he don't get it, but he still listens. so, that's my story, im doing the best i can and i hope someday to leave sl completely, haha just told my man im posting on here and read it to him, he giggles


Borg 5 years ago

Second Life is very psychologically manipulative of the human brain and body chemistry behaviors. It is things like Second Life that hold humanity back from progression as a civilized civilization forcing people into a regressive state of consciousness that is not only mentally destructive, but in many people's cases physically destructive. If people put more into real life than they do these virtual worlds there would be a lot less psychological, legal and physical problems in people's lives and our world on a global scale. Unless you truly understand anything about human social and behavioral psychology it is difficult (if not impossible) to understand at all how Second Life is or can be so dangerous.


A, 5 years ago

I'm an SL addict but I get some good out of it. It just has to be controlled. You have to always put RL first and foremost and when you're done with everything that needs to be done, you go to SL to play. I find it's a place I can be creative and enjoy, unless I'm there too much. The hours can go by fast, so you really have to be careful. People inside SL will try to hook you and make you stay there with them. The key is to look out for yourself and go when you want to go.


cant.stop345 5 years ago

Hi, My name is _______..and I'm a SL-holic...Ive been on for nearly a year..I have 4 female avatars, 3 larls, Each one of the females has a love life that has moved into cam and voice for 2 of the avatars..I am married, have thrown a lot of time away but it all seemed harmless. I spen about 200+ a month on tiers clothing and whaever I want, but it seems to curb my RL spending so I justified it. I want to find some balance because I don't want to give it up,..I have a full life, but will compensate for hit and miss SL time by devoting my entire weekends to SL. Even sleeping with the Av AFK while I sleep closeby waiting for the "bing"..to tell me someone has left a message. I dnt know where this is going..I'm a bit concerned, but I feel like Im in control of it ATM...


Koala 5 years ago

Hello,

Second Life addict left home after a 10 years relationship and 2 years addiction to Second Life with a laptop computer on his back and nothing else. SECOND LIFE and the AVATARS (because they all are little addictive objects without knowing it) on the "game" destroyed his life and mind - virtual world: sexe, shopping, parties, friendships, lovers, family, kids, multiple identities, pets... Second Life is his only preoccupation now.

Unbelievable !!!! What I saw with this addiction, What I lived. Second Life can be a very harmfull addiction.


Loula 5 years ago


Nikki 5 years ago

Oh Dear, I've been playing SL now for only 3 months and this is the first time I've searched for SL addiction and can relate so much to most of the comments.

I've never been addicted to computer games in my life before and just checked it out as research for 3D graphics as this is part of my RL job.

It's become so difficult not to log on just to see what's going on and who's around or go shopping or dancing or whatever.

Ive tried saying I'll just log on for 1 hour max but it doesn't work like that, I just end up staying on for hours or even all night !!!

At the moment I've just stopped logging at all and after reading this blog I'm going to delete the brouser right now !

I think its the only way ?


Vanna 5 years ago

2+ years in this game, over 3k rl money spent, heartbreak, drama, etc. i have lost so much due to my addiction to this game but the most important thing i have lost is myself. i have no idea how to even begin to be social again outside of sl. my family is strangers to me now. i have no love life. i am a mess. i have uninstalled this game, had family members hide the computers, had the internet disc & i still find a way to get on. i was never an addict prior to this game & i have never been taken advantage of so much as in this game. i have to quit playing!


Thomas  5 years ago

I played SL from 07 to Jan 2011, I done it ALL inside the fantasy world of SL. I went so far as to drive 1130 miles to meet my SL "partner" needless to say, she was a huge let-down. VERY unlike her beautiful, flawless avatar with long legs, mini-skirts, perfect tan and tattoos.

It was an awkward meeting, we didn't even have sex, we ate a simple lunch and I told her I had to return home on the next flight. Be advised of this: the people you meet in SL are indeed "real" however, their avatars are NOT a representation of their "real" self.

Ask yourself this: How on earth can someone sit in front of a computer for 10-12 hours a day and NOT get fat, out of shape and overweight?


was1chrome ;) 5 years ago

I stumble across this site today by coincidence or perhaps not for I believe coincidences don’t exist.

I too was an SL addict a while back , and nearly destroyed my life.

I believe that SL does create a form of reality in the brain that makes you perceive it true but in reality it is not , for instance I had great friendship in my RL and I was at a point where life was great – yet without warning I was addicted at a few days of play , making me forget all that was important in life – family , friends .

I wasn’t looking for friendships , love or entertainment – just out of curiosity .

Perhaps we create an illusion of what we would want our RL to be , and the middle of the mental affair you create an addiction to the illusion , you start judging how imperfect your real life is compared to “what you living / experiencing in your second life” .

In this confusion you start to live more for your second life then for you RL, making you lose sight of what is and what is not .

Also the fact that in Second life everything is perfect , perfect bodies and personalities , but mostly I found there were a lot of people with problem , in their own life , and were just looking for an escape of their reality – deep down I believe that SL is not of good values to seek for help or escape.

I did play it close to 4months and realized that my life was falling apart , not only did it drive me to the decision of separation to my wife ( as at the time it made believe I did not love her anymore ), but also took me to a place where I was afraid of living in the outside world – ALL THIS IN 4 MONTHS OF PLAY .

After 2months of being separated I came running right back to her , just like when a dog is scared – to what point does SL work’s your brain , I’m not sure , but it isn’t good .

If virtually is the future then the future will be scary .

Yes I believe many will be in control of their game , but are they ?

I was very fortunate to quit and , honestly wasn’t easy , but my methods worked . I gave all my cash, clothes , utility items to friends newbies basically stayed with nothing , and I requested to close the account .

But all this said and done – YOU WILL NEED WILL POWER , and I would even recommend asking someone to change your password so that you don’t know it , so you not temped to go back .

Also the months ahead of recovery will not be easy , as it will seem you rediscovering yourself again , but hey change is always good .

And most of all I’m glad SL days are over !


Huh? 5 years ago

Wow you guys.... I couldn't help posting on here. I'm not addicted, but I am aware that SL can suck you in, its just so much fun. To the point of neglecting your kids though? Losing your job because of SL? Maxing out your credit cards? Getting counselling?!? WTF.

Just use some common sense guys. So many people have pointed the finger at SL and how its "ruined" their lives, and how it should be banned etc etc. How about looking in the mirror instead? Be responsible for your own life, your own choices and decisions. SL did not make you sign in, it didn't force you to withdraw from RL, max out your cards or stop going to work. YOU made those decisions.

Just be sensible....


Feelslikerain 5 years ago

Last year I was lucky enough to meet an incredible woman in SL. Although she had been a friend for a long time she had recently suffered a loss in her family and a loss of employment. We had a rocky relationship but it was great. Both of us similar in so many ways, single parents, and the same outlook on about everything but the amount of time spent online. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do for this woman. When things went south is when I decided I couldn't play for 12-14 hours a day anymore. Everyone played it off like I had a problem trying to tell my second life friends they need to cut down the time they play. I went out with friends and realized I had been on sl so long that I have become a social reject. So many times I said no to my friends just to go out and have a beer. Well I have decided to break the cycle and have left SL. At this time I have no plans to ever log in anymore. I can't forgive myself for all the times I told my young daughter "just a minute" I will never get all them minutes back. All I can do now is try to make up for lost time with her. The nasty things my dearest has put in her profile picks since I left.. I realize some of her comments are just influences from higher dysfunctional friends who are also addicted... I don't know what to feel anymore... Please if you know someone addicted to second life do your best to pull them out in RL.... I feel so sorry for all my friends I have left behind... RL is great ...


former addict 5 years ago

The key to staving off SL addiction is to not have SL friends. There was a time I was addicted, almost ruined my life. But then I realized, its the social aspect that feeds the addiction. So I cleared my friends list. And SL is now work only for me. And I enjoy using it in moderation as a creative outlet and a source if income. And my RL couldn't be better ;)


Flatpack 5 years ago

I'd seen people I knew become computer game addicts and before SL, although I'd played some games, I'd never become addicted. Then I heard about Second Life and gave it a try. Initially it was confusing and disappointing but I soon found that by learning a bit, you could improve the experience. I begun to wonder if I could become addicted and I even consciously steered myself down the path of addiction, turning myself into a guinea-pig (not literally, I had a human avatar!). I found I did become quickly obsessed with SL, but I told myself that this was OK because I was learning to make objects and textures.

I confess that, like others on here, I have at times let SL take over. However I haven't gone down the road of sinking huge sums of RL cash into my SL and I've rarely spent all day on it, except perhaps a rainy winter day when I was makings stuff.

The main thing that makes me feel that I did become addicted to SL was that feeling of not being able to shut my mind off from it, even when I wasn't logged in, and real life things becoming less important.

So my advice to people addicted to Second Life is:

If you enjoy it, don't give it up, but place strict limits on how many hours you spend on it. And try to have regular full days when you forbid yourself to log in or do anything else connected with SL. Then try to do several days in succession with no log-ins. When I've done that, I found that returning to SL was that much more enjoyable, that much more vivid, because it was becoming something special again, not something I was doing all the time.


Ex SL Addict 5 years ago

I come back here once in while to read some new comments. I've been out of SL since over a year now and its a topic that keeps popping up once in a while. The main reason being I met my dear RL love on SL. In the past we had our personal issues in RL and we both escaped there like so many. SL is not a cause just a symptome something is not right in your life. We were fortunate to take each others hand and step out of that dreamland into reality. She will move to me in a couple weeks for good and will ever be thankful of how life turned out for us. To all others still trapped in that game I hope you will get to the bottom of it and get a chance to move on with reality.


wants sl to crash and burn 5 years ago

I am married and my wife has been on sl since 12/28 of last year and since then she has neglected me and the cat I think she is cheating on me with an avatar cuz like someone earlier said everytime I get near she hides the screen and its so bad now that we are never in the same room together and when I sleep shes up all night and when im working shes sleeping, when I get home she wakes up and goes right to that so called game and the only time she is nice to me is when she needs something and dosent seem to care about my needs at all and im getting tired of it very fast any addvice any one please help ty.


RockMutha profile image

RockMutha 5 years ago

these stories are all to real. second life is a fantasy and its easy to start escaping there for the love that is bigger than life, the beauty that is completely unreal and the people who, more often than not, aren't being real with you and don't even know it. there is no more dangerous rp in second life than family rp. people with a real life home, spouse and children, turn away from their lives and responsibilities to play out a fantasy life with people they don't know.

why do we do it? why are you waving your real life daughter away from you and your computer screen so you can finish talking to your virtual daughter? why do you swell with emotion over some man you have never met while you hold him in an awkward animated, ill fitting pose...when real life arms are in the other room? why do you spend hours creating a second life home while the dishes and laundry pile up around you in real life?

why do we look for a better, truer, more real, life experience is one question...but another is, why the fook do we look somewhere UNreal??

I think most people enter second life unawares. looking for nothing. curiosity turns to infatuation. imagination turns to fantasy and when you have more than one person living in a fantasy...your brain registers it as real. that's what makes it so good and also what makes it so dangerous.

i love second life but i will never love anyone there again. if you enter...ask yourself what you are looking for and never fall asleep. beware of becoming someones virtual dream...reality will always win.


Flatpack 5 years ago

Going back to my earlier post, I've seen people I know addicted to computer combat games and even to simple puzzle games. When you've seen someone spend hours and hours a day, day after day, trying to match letters or shapes on a screen, SL addiction seems a little less worrying!


Jaws 5 years ago

I have just found this page after looking at second life addictions. my difficult husband and i ran into difficulty in our 13 year marriage nearly 4 years ago. he had been spending a lot of time on SL and i couldn't understand it. he eventually left but we carried on more or less as a family just under different roofs. last year he without warning filed for divorce. it turned out he had met someone on SL who is a DJ and a pole dancer. in less than a year he has changed in his personality and has already married her in SL. it turns out now that they are engaged in real life, SL has stolen everything from my children and i and introduced a woman i feel is very manipulative. together they have destroyed 3 people for a plastic world i think it is very dangerous even more so after reading the above.


Tory Micheline 5 years ago

Tory's Story

A note of Caution: If you are a Second Life user and are still a bit on shaky ground: this might not be a positive read. However, it might be just entertainment with no "triggers" at all. hehe WoW users will probably just scratch their heads and say - "huh?" LOL.

This is my story. Told through the eyes of a Second Life Avatar, Tory Micheline, a creature that evolved over a period of 3 + years, in the virtual world of Second Life which is a MMORPG. [Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game] She existed in the software and in the minds of some SL Puppeteers who also created Second Life Avatars, and of course - her creator.

I am writing this as a confession, a statement of fact for myself. It hopefully will clarify my thoughts, and provide another reason for me to NOT use Second Life ever again. It may guide an addictive gamer to hesitate and consider “Is this really a good idea?"

My thoughts about my game life are in bits and pieces all over this site. For the couple of folks who might be interested here is a compilation of sorts. This is Tory's Story. Hehe.

Prior to my Second Life_ experience I had absolutely no interest in computer games. I had been a good student with a BA from Swarthmore and an MBA from Columbia. Computers were a tool only, I didn't really even care about solitaire_ on Windows. Computer games were for geeks and guys that wanted to drive fake cars and shoot folks up or join the army and blow things up.

This attitude was even more put to the test when I joined a hedge fund in NYC and started trading commodities. My computer was a work tool, a necessary device to earn a living. Gaming was not an event I wanted, especially after a day interacting with “the Marketâ€_.

I had picked up a WIRED Magazine, I think about September or October 2006 and there was this article on Second Life. This looked so different. The people using the game were making the objects in the game. The scenery was unique, and modern the characters were beautiful and all the objects were programmed and created by the members of the community.

I logged on October 15, 2006 [ in Second Life your birthday or Rez date records WHEN you arrived ] and instantly realized I was computer wise_, and game wise_, WAY over my head. I stayed on Orientation Island for over 3 weeks [ most Second Lifer's breeze through in about 15 minutes to an hour ] I was frightened at what might be on the other side of Orientation Island. I never learned to fly very well and could barely make out this computer lingo.

During this time I was in SL for one half to an hour at a stretch, just trying to figure out how to fly, walk, change clothes and read other folks profiles. I was the perfect noob, without a clue on how to get around. This entire world built by people controlling these avatars was really amazing, each region was a server and all the servers hooked. You could fly to locations, teleport to various regions, find dancing clubs, hang on the beach, drive cars and motor bikes. Jeez, I was in wonderment and really having fun.

My first good friend was a lady from the UK who was so savy with the interface. She bought land and built a house and had piles of clothes, shapes, skins. Julia was my mentor, she always had time for me to ask questions- which I was VERY good at ! lol I've always been great at asking for help, and luckily I could touch type so I got some stuff figured out. I went shopping_ with her and the first item I purchased of value was an RH Engle diamond bracelet for $L250 which seemed like a fortune on my $L400 / week allowance. [The exchange rate has been $L260 = $1 USD for years]

Out the in the real world_ [real life] I just would watch TV with my boyfriend and do my Second Life on my iBook G4 using our wireless. He knew I was doing more than just the internet. I decided to “joinâ€_ the game and paid the $72 yearly free. I figured why pay by the month @ $9 when you could get savings by the year. [I should have guessed that I was buying into the software in a bigger way.] $6 per month for entertainment - Heck, I over tip in a week more than the monthly fee, living in Manhattan. I was living large with my hedge fund job, trading. My live in Boy Friend Jack and I had a nice place in Manhattan. He did finally ask me about Second Life and I showed him the interface, the way things worked and was frankly surprised that he wasn't interested. He was more involved in sports as we continued on with our separate evening interests. With Jack's understanding of what I was doing on the computer my Second Life time now ran ~ 2 hours / night. 8- 10 PM. We were in the same room, he watching sports and I learning the SL interface.

With my Premium membership in the game I now had the right to buy 512 m2 of land. The best part was I didn't have to pay “tierâ€_ or tax as I see it on land smaller than 512 m2. The hunt was now on for LAND! I got out my trusty VISA [useful in RL and SL lol] and put $20.00 USD on my account. Converting it to the SL system I now was rich - 5200 L$. I got a scrap of land, 448 m2 actually. I proceeded to look for a modest house on the SL exchange.

Searching all of the houses I realized that I bought too small a land parcel. Everything was for 512 m2 or much larger. My lot was too small and had been subdivided off a 512 m2. In essence I had been land scammed. However, I was more determined and started to IM [instant message] various builders to see if one would like to custom build to size for my lot. I found a fellow from the UK who was interested. And that began my time zone problems. Here I was in the eastern US time zone. Theo was in the UK and 6 hours ahead. We could talk via email during the day, then I would RACE home after work and meet him in the Second Life. It would be very late for him.

It was during this time in the game_ that I established that I would NOT divulge personal information. My profile said: The Avatar is everything, the Puppeteer is nothing. If guys would press me I would say “This is NOT Match.com_ That philosophy worked well and 98% of the Avatars would accept me on those terms. The few that demanded personal information I would not friend_ and did not communicate with. I did not try to figure out who was behind the avatar_, but only how the Avatar looked and acted.

During this time I found I just didn't have enough time in my usual 8 PM 10 PM Second Life day to get everything I needed to do. I would go to bed with Jack ~ 10 pm and wait until I heard him fall asleep. I would then get up, log into my Second Life and do stuff for about an hour, sneaking back under the covers. It wasn't every night. I would give this advice anyone: Do NOT use a MMOG during off hours_. You might make friends, meet others, during the off hours, then they never find you again. I once told an avi that when I get rich and famous I would move to the UK. Seems like many of my AVI friends were in that time zone.

My region or sim_ had lots of small land owners, as it had been sold in little plots of land. We had one guy who was nuts about planting trees. He had purchased about 1/2 of the sim and had a copyable pine tree which he covered all his land with. It made for a scenic area. One of his tree branches was poking through the wall of my house. [ see how totally stupid this sounds, how totally insignificant this event is? ] Well, when you have a house on a 448 m2 plot everything is so important. LOL I sent him an IM [instant message] and the next day he appeared and moved the tree out of the way for me. That is when I realized that soft spoken polite conversation works just as well in SL as RL. A big land owner had helped me out_ Life was good, I had a custom house, and had some low prim furniture made by a lady up the hill. I was sticking pretty much in the sim [simulator or region of land] visiting with neighbors a homebody. The fellow with the trees “ Babba was a good friend and we became close, and without a sexual relationship.

Tory was very stubborn in some ways. She refused to buy prim hair [fancy hair made by an expert.] In this way she always looked more like a noobie than a seasoned SL resident. And


dee9543 5 years ago

Im not a second life addict Yhank God, but i have an ex friend that refuses to get off it. One minute he tells me im right and needs to get off the whole program, i said the only proper way you can do this is burn ur account, he remained silent, i know he wont do it its the ego too much pride.... but it brings me to tears what such a programme brings of people i downloaded the programme as he asked me to we were soul mates beyound friends.... i started seeing him do everything with everyone but me dance, play games and shop! he changed there are no words to descibe the change in him really blew me away still does till now 4 days ago we were on a live chat programme i was pouring my heart out telling him how smart he is to be on such a programme and its of no use just a big waste of time, i sang to him Micheal Buble 'lost' he is just wasting talent as i was trying to help him he was in the middle of iming someone to ban me or eject me as they say from the club he hangs out at to make sure i would never check up on him again! i have totally given up i will never talk to him again he has lost a soul mate a friend forever i have blocked him all over the internet, and my cell phone, after reading some stories you guys have brought me to tears, to everyone that is reading this go and live your life we have one life and thats the life your living now not a second life... i use to say the most vile things to him beyond imagination to get his attention nothing worked his still there i say stay there when he wakes up to himself i dont want to know! i uninstalled it today and will never reinstall i always use to just see if his logged on and check to see if his ok hoping his living life not playing games...because we all know when things are doing well in your rl thats when ur on sl less or in other cases you just have some really addicted people i hope im making scence here im not upset anymore i find it all very sick! ill never forget this one time i was on this couple were telling me about some bad accident they were in i was so upset tried to cheer them up asked for a teleport when i got there it was a second life car accident and they laughed while i was worried~ another time i was looking for a dress a woman stood so close to me for 20 mins i said what do u want? she said please tell noone i am a man i love to dress in womans underwear i freaked! and the stroy about the 9 year old that admitted she hated school and loved sl i wasnt on much just here and there for 2 years trying just to talk to my friend who has not logged off in God knows how long and use to convince me his afk most of the time for what its worth i hope if your on this game you leave it does change your real life i seen proof, no matter how hard you try to seperate second life from real life they always somehow connect i remeber there were times we use to sing to each other play guitar and just enjoy each others company now nothing.... i told him and tell you all an not being harsh God forbid if something really bad was to happen to you its your family and real friends that will be there not avatars if you never log on you will just be that person that never logged on its simple ~anytyime you live in a fantasy world you will never find true happiness


Ex SL player 5 years ago

To all who are addicted to that game there is hope. However like any addiction it must be aknowledge there is a problem. The problem is not the game itself but why you need to connect. SL is very deceiving and unfortunately answers in a gratuitous and instant way so many needs. At first it may seem like a fun time killer when one is bored, but very fast cusriosity will make room for escapism and then full gap filler in one's life. If you happen to be in a shaky relationship or if you are emotionally unstable SL will easily fill blanks in one's life. Because of the dreamstate like paradise where everything is possible it can be a very dangerous trap. Not only guilible or weak person are in danger, everyone with blanks in their life. Instead of working on what is not going right in one'S life, its so much easier to escape there where you can be whatever you want with a couple Lindens. Life happen in RL not in SL. Only when one get to the bottom of the barrel is there any hope for recovery. To all addicted or family and friends of these people don't give up. If there is one constant with SL is that its A LIE and nothing is lasting...only time can heal and your Love and Care will prevail in the end.


vinlander 5 years ago

To dee9543,

What you describe is typical and sad. Unfortunately one cannot try to convince anyone to get out of the game by being in, and paradoxally you loose any credibilty by getting out of it to their eyes. The reason for this is called the mirror. Most SL addicts once they recognize there is a prob will become very aggressive against that mirror because they hate the Truth. I left SL 1 year and a half ago and still have friends trapped there. I can't do anything for them because they need to hit the barrel bottom by their own. I know many people that left SL temporarily only to find themselves on stupid Facebook which is even more a trap. Of course the way back to SL was easy because the problem is not solved. Why people are logging, why do they need attention, why can't they exist by their own without letting know the planet? Because we live in such a materialistic world where old values have been replaced by corpo interests. To survive in such a world one must make his own bunker, but a real one gathering as much friend and family close to them and stop following the $y$tem sheppard leading you down the cliff...OK I will stop here but you got my point I am sure.


dee9543 5 years ago

thank you for your concern vinlander, yes i did realised you simply cant be on and try to get them off i came to realise this guy i think has mental issues which is not my problem many good mental hospitals out there for him! he actually believe it or not does have a real life but chooses to live on sl he is an ex friend will always remain a past person..... always kept me on hold said 1 minute or 1 hour ill brb and it would have been 3 days later i heard back, never understood also why people need to spend numerous hours on the internet facebook chit chat programmes second life!iv totally given up 100%these people hide from life itself, about 2-3 weeks ago i wanted to go into the minds of these people but there all too screwed up to understand and a total waste of time yet they think were screwed rofl....I have come to realise i have no respect for anyone who plays these games 10-14 hours a day they had a show on tv "dr phil" which i dont watch ever but was about how parents spend so much time on the internet and neglect there children and family they had children crying telling there parents they loved them yet the parents didnt see a problem one mother even said "but your lunch is always made" i guess its every man for himself...... my life is in good order i dont need bullshit dragging me down on a cartoon programme people i will never see smell or touch enough said for all we know these sexy avatars could be 700 pounds woman or men sitting in there basement and havnt had showers in 3 weeks sheeesh good luck to everyone trying to get off this lovely game its long gone for me i never liked it!! face book LOL i use to see my friends and family no loger than a 5 mins log on, thats a whole different story these applications and farms they built there ufffff i would never in a billion years put my flesh and blood before anyone on the "internet" its sad people do tho enough said ~sorry you were stuck there for a year the things people can do in lost time but am happy your off.... the biggest shit that ever hit the internet and i dont say that about my ex friend i couldnt care less.... but i have found other sites where this programme has literally left people homeless... taa taa good luck to all the sl addicts you can do it its like a withdrawal for the first few weeks than your ok.... so i heard thank God i was smart enough to never get involved i cant see how such a stressful game can be so addictive good night and cheers to the comment this will be my last comment on this page for a long time im over this second life crap these people need to find a frist life first nii nii xo


Offline SL fiend 5 years ago

Tory - I need to read the rest of your story! Like seriously NEED it. It might keep me from reloading the game somehow and destroy my RL again.


Flatpack 5 years ago

Like I've said before, I think although I've recognised signs of addiction I keep my SL under control and although I log in for several hours some days I might go a few days without logging in at all.

However I've come to realise one thing that drives me to SL - as an escape. I'm a freelance worker in RL and if I get word of a big job in the offing that means lots of stress and tight deadlines, I tend to rush to SL to fill the calm before the storm.


OhLordie 5 years ago

Time and time again people fall in the trap of reality/virtual reality because they take Second Life into their FIRST LIVES. Your first life is desperate/sux, so you go on second-life, talk to a bunch of e-folk (some that use mic, oooaaah yes there is a person behind that avatar, just like a group chat in ventrillo! Big deal.) Then you start deforming, getting sucked into buying/spending as much shit as you can on the crap with all it's expenses, then all the political issues (Thanks to LL constantly throwing "real life substitute" in every customers face that signs up for their hogwash service) and shuffled along LL's cruddy service of unknowing results (You don't know jack about your account unless LL "feels" like telling you, it's quiet easy to get someone suspended on this service if you just drop an AR request in some grid-watch group.)

Then you meet the "hardcore" SLers, which are nothing more than a bunch of fat obsessed 40+ year olds living off their fantasies of fake tycoon or super skinny barbie-doll reject on Second Life, and the only ones making any REAL money are far and inbetween.

Do you people ever play something else BESDIES Second-Life? If you play second-life constantly and it's the other thing that you really do, then of course it'll become dangerously "addicting" (pffft). LL giving customers the "power" to be their miniature kings and queens online, oh how the nose of arrogancy increases each time a land-baron puffs up from "banning" that over-sized avatar or, "banning" because they got hit with a watermelon on the e-head! Or look, this bast9rd has 200+ gross islands and basically controls nearly all the private regions because LL makes the shit so damn expensive the average person will HAVE to be under a land-baron if they want a decent-size peice of land without a bunch of weird-ass lag or main-land bast8rds all in their grill unless they want a fat 4,000$ bill to pay every-month, for a shitty unreal online land you have NO rights to.

Second-Life is absolutely DISGUSTING.

With all the political head-hogs floating around acting like Second-Life is their parade, all the LL fanboys constantly hunting down people who don't take SL like the gift of life, the sophiciated wang talk of some idiot builder just because they made a couple of boring ass builds/objects that basically do the same shit like 100+ objects before it. The cheap-ass paper-cut trees and shrubs and land that makes N64 graphics look godly,and how much LL enjoys squeezing the pennies out of you muckshuts so willingly to depart from your hard-earn cash so you can play make-believe house on a online platform that ends up "ruining" your 1st life relationships because you all really care about some dumbfuck behind a fake pixelated avatar spewing shit like their the big cheese of the entire online industry.

Second Life is a poor excuse for a "social" platform, it goes beyond that. People take Second-life so fucking seriously you can't do the majority of the things you would do on other mmorpgs/social mmorpg's, yet ironically second-life is suppose to be the platform where you can do online things. All Second-Life is for is builders hustling for a linden and political butt-cheese sprayed on those that want to e-drama everything about Second-Life.

Main-reason I don't go on Second-Life as much, sucked when I first went on, still sucks when I go on. If you like control freaks and low-life losers roaming about, Second-Life is a good place to start. People make convents and break them when they "feel" like it, Second-Life is a good place if you want to be a crook and rip other people off, because it happens frequently. Not to mention all the data-mining that goes on behind the scenes (some which was brought out to light. LL keeps advertising Second-Life like it's something good. It's the most boring/repetitive/unfriendly piece of garbage I've seen, laiden with a bunch of retards inhabiting it with their dramas and sophisticated sauce talks.


dee9543 5 years ago

Dear Oh Lordie

you have me in tears laughing


avi127 5 years ago

jeez, get a third life! Or just learn to explain things to the addicts that they can improve their lives by fixing all the bad things in their RL- like marriage, mental issues, relationships etc.

Some people have shut out all the folks in RL that try to help. If you help them in SL they might realize that the problem is within themselves.


ex-sl addict 5 years ago

OhLordie really just sum it all in an unempathic but not less true way.

It is exactly how SL is.

What is important is to let people know there is hope, there is a life after SL.

Its like any addiction, it can be overcome as long as its recognized and the real problem addressed...


I used to play SL 5 years ago

I don't think SL has the monopole of people with no life or being control freak etc...I know people that were so addicted to SL playing 8 to 10 hours a day switch to WoW. Mainly people from CCS (combat system rpg). Its all about the balance in your life, how much time you spend in such a virtual world and also the reason(s) why you are there in the first place. I don't think there are much casual players in these virtual games, but more a huge percentage of addicts.

Social networking like Facebook is also the same, it feeds the need to be narcissic, feel loved, encourage exhibitionism and voyeurism. Its the big paradox; its called social network but when you spend more time behind a computer than living your life there is a problem...


Flatpack 5 years ago

QUOTE from OhLordie: "Second-Life is absolutely DISGUSTING."

I think that's a somewhat biased comment. Most people in Second Life use it because it gives them pleasure and entertainment. Most players probably aren't addicted to it, they probably don't get involved in virtual love triangles, they don't go round ripping off other people or being ripped off big-time themselves and they probably don't spend 10 hours a day logged in adding tens of pounds to their real life bodyweight in the process.

For most people SL is a leisure activity, as are watching television, reading novels, doing soduku, playing rugby or collecting bottle tops - all of which could be considered a waste of time by those who aren't interested in them.


Flatpack 5 years ago

Further to my post above...

Is Second Life worse than blogging? I started a real life blog once, but I came to the conclusion that since I quickly lost interest in reading anyone else's tedious blogs, nobody would want to read mine. So I very soon gave up.


Ex SL Addict 5 years ago

Any virtual life activity taking over your real life is a sign something is wrong in your life. Be it SL, Blogging or Lamebook, if they make you spend more time behind a screen than with family or friends then there is a problem. I am yet to find people spending 2 or 3 hours a day on those stupid social network that don't have issues in their life...


Not Consumed 5 years ago

Balance ~ priorities~ creativity~ SL for me has been such a great tool. It helps relax me after a tough work day. I still talk to my rl friends and spend the same amount of time with them.I still like my job I still go on vacation and have dinner parties in RL ~ so if you cannot balance Life because of SL, turn off your computer but stop being angry that the "game has you addicted" that person you hang out with in SL ~ call your real friend and hang out with them ON PURPOSE. We all are in control of Choices and I love the time I spend in there visiting all the different spots created in SL that are spectacular to my eyes ! and by the way I so appreciate the creative scenes its really fun I laugh even more than normal which I love and I have met some very nice people behind the avatars from all over the world. Don't let something fun ruin your life its suppose to be fun. So turn off the computer and find a hobby, my hobby is SL visits : )

Thanks


Peggy 5 years ago

My husband is an addict to this game. He had financial problems so he escaped to having everything on there. He had physical handicaps but on game he everything he wants to be & look like. He has freedom to "stud" around like a single person instead of a married man with normal responsibilities, values & morals besides committments. Needless to say he met another fake "friend" & moved out, went 4 states away to meet her & brought her back to live their "second life" for real. We had been together 18 years, we have grandkids, house, ALL THROWN AWAY because of the loose "lifestyle" of this game. HELLO the stupid hussies on there looking for Mr. Perfect, GROW UP get a life & live in the real world.


EX SL-Addict 5 years ago

That is a sad story Peggy.

However SL is not the cause, but merely the trigger in making couple breaking.

When one is happy with their cuple life they anyway don't feel the need to be "excited" by pixels or to open themselves to strangers...

My own couple broke but SL just fastened the process.

Paradoxally, I met there my now RL wife, she is moving to me permanently soon; we are out of that game since over a year...

SL is not only bad things, its just a dreamland in which people will get what they lack...


Cheers to that 5 years ago

First thing in SL that all have to know is don’t take anything personal.. people lie and that’s ok..i’m a male using a female AVI in SL.. I don’t have sex with men and have said to 'all in world' that i am a lesbian woman.. think it’s strange.. lots and lots are the same.. some women in RL are men in SL.. i go to the hottest lesbian clubs and have learned what it’s like being a woman. Omg do you girls get hit on all the time or what lol.. but it’s kind of interesting to see how some men try to pick me up and I have learned how to gently turn them down..I have a lot of straight women friends in world who have taught me essentially what it’s like being a woman.. its super funny , hilarious and exciting.. but I am an addict to SL who mostly stopped with my addiction of playing this game..

I have lesbian sex with a AVI and then they poof out (log out) without any warning - a number one sign that the female was a male... it’s because they just came and like some men they x out all the porno windows from their monitor and go to bed.. well that happens all the time.. its about 80% sex driven.. if you did not know that your fooling yourself.

I am one of the hottest AVI's in SL. i spent thousands of dollars.. not kidding( god i wish i were lol) ..on this game since the beginning of the year when I joined.. i have 3 stylists.. have about 150 outfits that i paid for and 200 that were free.. i like to find females who are real females and have sex, lesbian sex with them... bought all the cool beds/ hammocks/chairs/couches ect..that have animation balls that you control after your AVI 'sits" on the balls.. sometimes you have to decide if you just picked up an AVI and brought "her" back to your sim if you should chose the blue or red ball. the blue is male the red is female .. after choosing which color you tell the AVI in no uncertain terms that you are the male = dominate or female = sub.. i have had up to 10 pickup sex romps in any given session.. sometimes i would spend more that 24 hours straight in this game.. i know AVI's that are on almost all the time with naps of 45min breaks and on for 36 or longer hours..one of my beds has hundreds of sex acts.

I have my own sim.. costs about $135 US ..its a homestead.. less prims ( every object is one prim .. my boat is 788prims)

I think it’s a really great game.. but you have to know your limits and i walked away for 3 months just going back to pay to pay the ‘tier’ for my sim and now just go on for very brief sessions... i don’t have sex all the time but its so dam easy...i go shopping in SL and buy things that you put in your inventory and have forever in the game ..you want the coolest clothes.. god forbid you look like a noober and go around wearing free clothes that everyone has seen on other AVIs.. you create your own persona . you have these AOs that you buy - some are super pricy and they make your AVI look so cool with poses and standing around when you go to the clubs or out and a bout in world..

The number on rule of thumb for me in SL is that you don’t make RL contact with these AVi’s that you meet.. they can manipulate you and feed you lies .. I have about 250 friends now.. you see who is in world when you sign in.. you feel guilty for not saying hi to friends you see playing.. you get hooked in meaningless conversations with people sometimes wasting time from doing what you came to do.. have sex lol .. no not always. I have learned so much from SL .. met people from around the world who are just people nothing more nothing less.. don’t get too hung up on finding a match or finding love.. that’s for the RL..SL is fantasy for me and you just have to keep it that way…


Sabrena 5 years ago

Well yes, its about balance. I've been on sl for three plus years. In that time-I met someone and wanted to be with him-Of course he wasn't even close to the way her represented himself-I had a bf at the time who I hurt deeply with my sl flirting. WE broke up and I began dating another man (not from sl) I convinced him to go on sl because we could see each other more if he was on sl (we live in different cities quite a ways apart) He got super addicted to sex with other Av's. I encouraged it and soon found I was very jealous. Me and my bf have been together two years and had basically no fights-damn near perfect relationship. But he got so involved in sl-he wasn't calling me as much or texting-or he didn't answer his phone-the attention he gave to me was directed toward the chase-he chased women av's (which some were men I am sure of it) constantly. He was a total slut in sl-he loved it-but the women-they were getting hurt-so be careful if you are a woman in sl looking for love. He told these Av's he missed them-how good they were-how beautiful they were-how he coudlnt stop thinkinf of them-all lies to get them to have sex. He actually thought the sex part was kind of stupid-but the chase-he loved. SL wasn't for him-and we both uninstalled it and are doing well. Its not for everyone-and if you are in a relationship-it can get tricky-even if you are both in world together-I still miss it-I miss my Av-she was beautiful-I miss him in sl-we loved to dance in beautiful locations-it seemed so romantic-but when he'd stop and say OK I have to go talk to this person or that for a few minutes-it felt like he was cheating-scary game-if you experience anything similar-leave....it can ruin relationships if the people on sl are prone to fantasy or addiction-


lina 5 years ago

Im only a child and i am addicted to harry potter hogwarts sim on sl although countless time my avat have got kicked out of the sim i love playing and i need help


For Lina 5 years ago

Lina sweetie.

I dont know how old you are but SL is no good for children, I can say this after being on sl for almost five years and recently leaving it myself. Step one is uninstall your viewers, find something else none computer related to take your mind from the game but most importantly if you are not able to do so yourself then speak to your parents regarding how you are feeling. If you do not think they will fully grasp the situation then just show them your posting and let them read for themselves. I know if my child showed me that I would do anything in my power to help her.


EX-wife of online addict 5 years ago

This sort of thing ruined my marriage... Latest example of husband's credit card statement:

Category Trans. Date Post Date Description

Amount

10/04/11 10/04/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 30.00

10/04/11 10/04/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 72.00

10/07/11 10/07/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 2.50

10/07/11 10/07/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 8.63

10/10/11 10/10/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 20.46

10/10/11 10/10/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 25.30

10/13/11 10/13/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 56.75

10/14/11 10/14/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 25.40

10/17/11 10/17/11 SECONDLIFE 1 8008606990 SAN FRANCISCOCA $ 56.52


Derek 5 years ago

I've never actually played SL, but I recently became deeply fascinated by peoples' addictions to it (I recently saw a documentary about it). It took many days but I've read every single comment on this page and it's opened my eyes to this epidemic that I'd never known existed.

This situation, it seems, is very close to the movie Surrogates' plot (it's also a book but I haven't read it). I naively never knew that such a thing like this existed probably because I figured that such an immersive place could be created, but now I realize it's not the technology that creates the reality of such a world, but the person's mind.

For anyone who would like to read a very good book about mankind and the internet's place in our lives I'd suggest reading Stephen L. Talbott's The Future Does Not Compute.

Here's a few quotes from it:

"My own conclusion ... is stark: if we continue assimilating our lives to

computers according to the tendencies already broadly active in society -- and those tendencies show every

sign of retaining their grip upon us -- then we will finally lose ourselves."

"Look at almost any inner aspect of the human being,

and you will find its abstracted, externalized ghost in the Net. The outer substitutes for the inner: text instead

of the word; text processing instead of thinking; information instead of meaning; connectivity instead of

community; algorithmic procedure instead of willed human behavior; derived images instead of immediate

experience. At the same time, by means of a ubiquitous metaphor of mentality, popular discourse levitates the

Net somewhere between mind and abstraction -- and not infrequently strikes toward mystical heights."

And the one quote I think that's most relevant to SL:

"Warned of the sirens' threat by a goddess, Odysseus stopped the ears of his comrades with wax to block out

the deadly song. Then he had himself bound to the ship's mast, so that he could listen freely without danger of

being overcome. By no means immune to temptation (upon hearing the subtle harmonies, he fought fiercely

to be loosed from his bonds), he was able to prevent disaster only by virtue of this inspired forethought.

Such insistence upon wakeful experience, combined with resolute preventive measures to compensate for

personal weakness, remains the appropriate response to the seductive promise of informational omniscience.

We must somehow contrive the sturdy mast and the restraining ropes from within ourselves. The discipline

may be difficult, but in finding an answer to the enticing song of self- extinction, we will have contributed far

more to society than by adding our bones to the sirens' mouldering heap on the forlorn shores of cyberspace."

PS Stephen L. Talbott's book is offered free by the author here http://netfuture.org/fdnc/index.html I really do believe it's a life changing book and perhaps necessary for people who plan to continue using the internet.


Feelslikerain 5 years ago

Re: exwife post.. Wow what was purchased ?? Have any idea ? Seems like a lot of money for a game that doesn't require much money to play... And "wow" and good luck .


Another Addict 5 years ago

I just found this page...wow!!!

I am an addict of the game and my RL wife has given me the second ultimatum now. This time she already had an appointment with her divorce attorney.

Yesterday I cancelled my SL account and I started a therapy. I hope I can fix whatever damage SL have created.

This game (I know, its not really a game) is really bad news, on par with alcohol, gambling, etc, in its power to destroy a life.


Poiyzin 5 years ago

I too was addicted to SL for SEVERAL years. It was a big part of my failed marriage... it was a big part of me failing most of my exams in college. I began playing in 07. I was on and off for years and then last year was the worst. I would never log off. I would tell people I was going to sleep and instead of logging off I would just put up my away sign saying that I was sleeping but to leave me a message. I had 7 SL jobs... 0 in RL though. I was a dj at about 5 clubs, worked at a casino, and owned my own club. Then that stopped being enough. I created two more avi's my alts... I had three windows opened at once and played as all three avi's each one had a different job, each on had a different personality, each one had a different partner. Then they had jobs, so I would be sometimes working at 3 different places at once. It was a vicious cycle and I finally became detached from the world. When I realized I was about to go on academic probation something snapped within me and I just quit. Thank God for that! Oh yeah and after all of my calculations, I'm thinking I have spent over 2000-3000 dollars on SL. Its ridiculous!


karl 5 years ago

very very true-- i was over a year barely getting out bed, playing sl day and night


moral code 4 years ago

do linden labs fund virtual counselling for all those who have lost so much in rl to this otherwise 'Harmless' game ?

Surey a social responsibility exists when the boards clearly indicate many underage gamers exist. High School years lost.... some responsibility please.


jazzi04 4 years ago

I there a meeting going on? Okay here is the real; deal, most of us already have addicted personalities so therefore anything we come in contact to rather it be shopping, drinking, drugs, facebook, twitter, sex, it all boils down to one thing YOU! You have to look at the issue straight ahead and just work on yourself I mean yeah its a game and yes it is addicted but its about change how you play the game. I love SL been playing for 2 years now I'm just a gamer so I can leave it only or just play to my hearts content. It begins and end with you. When I feel like its getting to much I just back of for a few days, don't shut your life off because of SL don't shut your friends in real off because of SL.

Whatever you do stay postive be good to you.

-Peace


jazzi04 4 years ago

Is there a meeting going on? Okay here is the real; deal, most of us already have addicted personalities so therefore anything we come in contact to rather it be shopping, drinking, drugs, facebook, twitter, sex, it all boils down to one thing YOU! You have to look at the issue straight ahead and just work on yourself I mean yeah its a game and yes it is addictive but its about change how you play the game. I love SL been playing for 2 years now I'm just a gamer so I can leave it alone or just play to my hearts content. It begins and end with you. When I feel like its getting to much I just back off for a few days, don't shut your life off because of SL don't shut your friends out in real off because of SL.

Whatever you do stay postive be good to you.

-Peace


Jackson 4 years ago

There was a point where i played almost 3-4 hours a day it was really me binging off of the social aspect of SL i had just quit smoking, and at one point had a really bad oxycontin and heroin addiction that was long before i had played SL but i do think my addictive attitude was getting the best of me and SL was not as severe but was still really interfering with my daily life.

I was not even close to as addicted as some of my other friends on Secondlife but it was still getting pretty bad you really do have to stop cold turkey take like 10 days away from it where you don't log in AT ALL you'll come to realize how much of a burden it was and that you're really not THAT interested in playing

I love secondlife regardless there truely isnt anything like it, it's so unique and what makes it so captivating isnt Second Life it's the community IN Second Life i did meet a lot of good friends who i've added on facebook nearly 200 new and wonderful people but remember that first life comes FIRST

I hate people who bad mouth it i've played Second Life since 2005 at first i didnt like it ? I cant explain why I thought it was boring but then i came back in 06 and fell in love with it it's intuitive and is an ever-changing world faster in pace then even real life people make so many cool things that are heart and soul imaginative, and the only combative statments as to why it sucks is because outsiders see it as all about sex, everyone on the game is real the relationships are real, I can say in all my years playing second life i have never had sex on Second Life it's not somthing you're forced into, people who are looking for it will find it but the same goes for everything on the Internet

you'll only find it if you're looking for it take porn for example if you're not blatantly looking for it you probably won't bump into it often and the internet isnt all about porn there are plenty of other aspects to it and you can't blame the internet for all of it because someone put it there its like that saying "Guns don't kill people, people kill people"


done-again 4 years ago

I just deleted sl off my computer again for the third time. I've been logging in for nearly four years. I want to stop, but I keep going back. It has hurt my rl relationships. It really is like a drug. I quit for almost six months and just went back for a little peek to see what was happening and I was hooked again. Good luck to you who are trying to quit. Please pray for me and I'll pray for you. This time is for good... I hope!


LostandFound 4 years ago

I have someone close to me who is addicted to second life, or should i say, she was close to me. She has now broken all ties with me her family and stolen large ammounts of money to fund her addiction and that she doesnt want to work anymore and only wants to be on second life. its really really sad.


lilmillvale 4 years ago

im addicted to im only 11 years old i play it 4 times a week its really addicting im only 11 but look what its done to me my grade a getting lower and stuff like.DO YOU SEE HOW MANY OF US ARE HERE WRITING COMMENT THIS IS DANGEROUS YOU'RE NOT HEARING THIS FROM ME BUT FROM EACH OF US STAY AWAY....


jennifer 4 years ago

you should balance both sl and real life but firstly you should care about real life than second life :)


Lil 4 years ago

It's all fantasy. I was there too long, a waste of time ,emotions and energy. Seriously turn your computer off for three days and you will realize you will survive ! Best of luck


Tom 4 years ago

I am not addicted to SL , but I am addicted to a person on SL. If she wasn't there I wouldn't log on nearly as much or probably at all. It makes me wonder if I should just bite the bullet and ask to meet her in RL. Maybe this just shows I am afraid of RL relationships, but I have learned so much from her and I really have feelings of Love for her. I have learned about myself. I think she is similar too because she only seems to be online when I am or vice versa. I have to admit that I know more about her than she knows about me in my RL, at least some aspects. I have a feeling she would make the jump to RL but we have both said on several occasions that SL is SL and RL is RL-- but we keep coming back to find each other here. We are both unmarried, not in RL relationships, but I think about her all the time. We are both attractive in RL -- so what gives? I dunno ..


Tom 4 years ago

Some of the problems stems from the fact that she is on the other side of the world, but real love shouldn't matter distance should it?


Serena 4 years ago

I spent a year and a half in SL. I used it as an escape from tragedy and loss in my life and fully realized that was a major part of my drive in spending many many hours there.

Most of my time in sl was spent breeding and selling pixelated animals and I did realize a financial profit in doing so. However, broken down, that profit amounted to peanuts per hour!

I always felt uncomfortable when someone would say, "You are so pretty." The reason being, the avitar was nothing more than a cartoon character, an image made to represent me, but not me. When a compliment came to me such as, "You've done a nice job with your avi," I could accept that. In other words, it was important to me that the image of the avitar was seen as separate from the rl me.

While the avitar image was not the human me, the personality was fully me. I never role played or created a separate persona for my avitar.

I bring these two points up for consideration as I believe they are important aspects of the sl experience that can certainly raise havoc in the mind.

1. FACT: An avitar image is NEVER the real life image of the person behind the keyboard. This can raise havoc as our brain is programmed to respond to images. Studies have shown that an attractive avitar will influence different responses for both the human behind the keyboard and those they interact with.

2. The personality of the avitar may or may not be the same as the person behind the keyboard. Further, the person operating the avitar may dishonestly state that they are represnting the rl them when in fact they are not.

All of this may and in fact at times does cause mass confusion.

3. The emotions experienced by humans engaging in sl are real.

In closing, given these facts, second life may be the perfect set up for even the most balanced individuals to become unbalanced. There is so much more I could describe about my experience there. I am interested in others thoughts on this.


Mom of SL addict 4 years ago

My son cannot seem to get off this game when he has to get off it he has a massive break down. He tells us this is his life and thst if he cant have the

stuff in the game in real life he would rather die. The other day. He tried killing himself cause of the game. He was off it for awhile he was doing great and now his emotional state is going to heck right now. I have tried timing him on sl but it didnt do any good. He stayed on it all day. He is 21 but his functioning age is 8-14 years of age.

This game has changed my son for the worst. I am going to show him this site and hopefully get him to shut his sl account down forever. I want rl to start coming back to him right now sl life is melded with rl. He is also seeing a new psy doc soon I hope someone can help him. I feel that I am failing to help him. If I take the game away he gets violent and aggressive. I would like my son back.

This game either needs to be banned or looked into. This should happen from a game. I would love to know what damaging effects it has on the brain.


higgindog 4 years ago

I have a real problem with the kids on SL. It used to be that you had to put in a SS# to get adult access and now it's just a birthday and I think that is really messed up.

I think the key to not being addicted is to stay away from RP and relationships with the opposite sex. The men on SL are gross and mostly really perverted so you'd think the normal woman would realize there was a fat 65 year old somewhere jerking himself off while doing whatever on screen, and that is not a good visual.

I like it for the creative parts and it has helped me learn some about computers. I don't go on every day and some days I have spent more time than I would like building, but that is the exception. It is interesting the things people build and create even if they are pixels, it's still someone's creativity. The problem is the RP and the sex, that seems to really mess people up.


Mom of SL Addict 4 years ago

Update my son attacked me this evening. I took the laptop away cause he was getting out of control. He is in jail right now for domestic assult. Now he is saying he learned his lesson and this isnt a game. His Dad told him no it isnt a game this is real life. I hope they are going to be able to get him the help he needs. This game is dangerous and some lose all touch with reality. Well this evening he is sadly getting a reality check. I am hoping I can keep him off it forever now.


Serena 4 years ago

To Mom of SL Addict: My prayers are with you as you face this challenging time with your son. With all due respect, it seems that the core of his behavioral issues very likely go much deeper than sl. Hopefully a professional can give your family the support, help and uidance that you need.

To Higgindog: I agree with you that it is primarily the social interaction on sl that is the hook that triggers the compulsion to go back to it. And certainly, the chemical release experienced in romantic/sexual relationships may serve as a strong stimulus for wanting more. Couple this with the idealization of the partner and the disinhibition effect and you've got a powerful lure to hook people in. Finally, you are right. SL can be used in very creative and productive ways. Unfortunately, I have encountered people in sl whose primary reason for entering was a creative or academic purpose fall into the very same patterns of compulsion set forth here. It is very tough to remain grounded in reality and not be swept away by the lure of sl fantasy.


SL is my Shrink 4 years ago

Someone said "Watch out - the people in SL are not who they are behind the keyboard in RL". You aren't even close to having gone far enough. I've been in for years and years now, and have met more than my share of avatars, and have connected in both RL and SL to them. Very little of SL matches RL, that's for sure. And like everything else, it's good and bad news. Just think about my learnings:

- This is nothing more than a virtual telephone. SL connects RL people to each other and let's you pretend you're something you're not. But they're all still RL people, with minds and hearts and loves and feelings that are AFFECTED IN RL just the same as if you were sitting in front of someone.

- When something really bad or good happens in SL, you CRY IN RL! Because SL IS REAL. You are REALLY connecting to another person in RL in real time! THere's nothing imaginary about it.

- Nearly every long-term SL resident is there because it promises to be better than RL. As a side note, nearly every television watcher in RL is there because it promises to be better than RL. And every sports watcher. And every NASCAR watcher. And every Vegas / Atlantic City gambler. And a hundred other games like Worlds of Warcraft to Windows Solitaire. It's escape to something better for a while. SL is no different, just the impact on the subconscious and the checkbook is different!

- SL relationships are not SL relationships. They are RL relationships consummated through a virtual interface. Once you give yourself permission to let the avatar represent you in SL, you are that avatar in RL. THATS why two avatars can have sex together in SL and your mind says its real. Because you are reaching out to that other RL person in your mind real-time!

- So all the RL additions like gambling, sexual attraction, shopping addictions, etc. all follow you into SL just like in RL. Don't expect different.

And don't expect that any newbie is going to believe this until it happens to them. The one thing that's different is that SL is WAY more immersive than most games, other than the really well done PS3 immersive games. I'm warning you - you won't understand this until you've been in SL for 6 months, spending all your time at someplace where you're really into what's going on, and the next day it's gone. For good. Because they didn't pay tier, because they got sick in RL, a hundred other things. And hundreds of SL people are now sobbing and crying and walking around like their lives just ended - because to some virtual degree, it did... happened to me several times now, and I'm still stunned at how I can't deal with it.

Good luck to you all...


Sl chick 4 years ago

Sl is world where we escape.. if we find something good in rl you wont need SL. I am still stuck 2 days in a week in SL but i hope I wont log in anymore ever. I met horrible people on there -___-


Lavendel 4 years ago

It's taken me days to read this entire thread. I can't believe it's gone on for two years - and people are still contributing. I guess this testifies to the reality of addiction to SL or at least one of its various aspects. (If I were to say I have an SL addiction, it would be to buying land. And clothing. And cool builds to put on my land - like a Japanese shoji house to live in, with a traditional tea house as outbuilding, as well as a secret grotto, a hidden forest with magical treehouse, etc.)

I came to this page out of curiosity: an SL friend of mine - really, my only true SL friend - left awhile back, deleted his account and his avatar, talks about that time as having been wasted, refers to himself as an addict, and now I don't really have contact with him. Because we only 'met' in SL and live a long ways apart geographically, I have no more access to him. miss him. And so SL has been a barren wasteland for me ever since, a big beautiful place full of strangers.

I didn't understand it. I didn't understand the term "addiction" as regards SL and didn't know it was a real phenomenon. I thought it was just some bugbear he had got into his head. And I could not get him to talk to me about it, I guess because he knows I am still active in SL. This, at least, is what I think now after reading this comment thread. Now I understand the whole thing so much better. Now I get that all he did was work full time, then rush home to be at his computer as soon as possible afterwards. He would stay on all night, sleeping as little as he could. I see now that he spent every waking hour not at work, every evening and all weekend, every weekend, in SL. I didn't get that before. The only time I ever knew him to leave the computer was to run to the corner takeout place and grab some BBQ and bring it back to the computer. That would take 10 mins or so each time.

I see now that this probably is no special case. Thanks to all of you for sharing your stories.

I didn't think I was addicted - and compared to a lot of the stories I've read here, my case is mild, if anything. But the truth of the matter is, every time I go back in there to sell off all my land so I can 'get out' and try and recoup some of my investment, I end up staying for a few hours, wandering around, checking out what's new in the neighborhood, changing outfits over and over, visiting some hotspots ...

I set all my land for sale, and eventually some of it does sell - so I can tier down. WHEW. But what happens then? I immediately find another parcel of land - maybe this time perfectly situated on a beach, with a strip of green grass at the back and an unblockable view of protected Linden waters (so no one could ever build a highrise right there in front of me) ... and I'm hooked. I HAVE to have this piece of land!

So I spend all the $$ I just got back from selling the first parcel, sometimes making up the difference with L$ I buy on eBay, and I get the new parcel to replace the one I offloaded. Sometimes this means not only staying at the same tier level, but actually tiering UP, i.e. paying more each month than I was before. So I'm back in there, stuck even more fixedly than ever.

I don't have friends there, but I'm still stuck. It seems like such a paradox. Because the strong point of SL, after all, is that it is a social world.

And what about RL? Everyone is assuming that something is lacking in RL for people to want to spend so much time in SL, immersing themselves - sometimes even losing themselves - completely. Well, in RL I live in the middle of nowhere and have no friends in my state. I work full time and I also take care of two small children. All my friends live far, far away. We communicate only via Facebook or email anyway. I wish they were in SL. I would give anything for that. In the absence of that, I would love to make real friends in SL. I don't see anything wrong with that. With owning a *little* parcel of land, paying my $7 per month, going in a few hours a week to roleplay.

Of course, I can't deny it: I HAVE already spent on the order of several grand in SL: on skins, on hair, on beautifully detailed, beautifully textured houses and other builds, on land. I've spent maybe $3,000. Yeah, I could have spent that on a vacation. On any number of things.

But I spent it having fun in SL. I love to dress up my avis. And the only thing that eats at me about that is the fact that it feels a bit like playing with dolls, something really childish and shallow and time-wasting. Right now I'm getting into roleplaying in SL, which feels much more active and social. I'm in there for the social aspect, after all. This is why, when I first started in SL, back in 2007, I got involved in live theatre productions in-world. I WANT it to be social; I don't care if the people behind the avatars are on the other side of the world and probably don't look anything like their lovely/cool visual representations and maybe have a few other life problems to boot.

I don't know - I guess from all this you can tell I'm a bit conflicted about SL. Is is a waste of time? Should I spend all this time writing instead? But saying that it's not worth the time spent is like saying that game-playing - the social activity that equals RP'ing - is a waste of time. It's not. What's the difference between this and going to the movies for 2 hours and spending $50 for the pleasure (after tickets and gas money and popcorn and drinks and all)?

I agree that it's all about the balance. But that goes for anything that can be done in excess. It's OK to drink wine with dinner or even slam down beers at a Halloween party. It's no longer OK if you're drinking two bottle of wine a day, or bingeing in bars and then getting behind the wheel. It's no longer OK when it gets to be something you have to cover up with lies, or when it pushes the 'real people' in your life away.

I hope that I can keep that balance. I'm sorry for those who can't, and I really and truly do wish them well.


Soon to be ex of sl'er 4 years ago

Well SL ruined a wonderful 31 year marriage. A man who I never would have thought would get involved started lying and hiding things from me as he got addicted to second life to the point where he was putting it above anything else in his life. He has now made the SL friends his RL friends and is spending a lot of money going to England to visit them. The result, I moved 10 hours away to be closer to my family and he is going to end up living alone. His choice and his lost. I tried to convince him we needed to work on our marriage and he told me to move out if I didn't like it. Well, guess what I did. Just saw where he and his now SL wife are pregnant in SL. Talk about twisting the knife!


SL chick 4 years ago

Sl can be nice..I fell in love I went to visit that guy, had nice time. It's not easy because it's far away.. In SL are same people like from RL. People are evil no matter is it SL or RL... just be carefull with who you hang out as always... I have one friend from SL for years and I love him. He is my best friend. I met really nice people there.. but most of my friends aren't there 0-24..they come every few weeks, even I am trying to use SL less.. there is million of other games like SL.We have to be carefull what are we doing and not let that SL destroy RL.


Serena 4 years ago

@Lavendel: Your justifications for staying in sl could have been written by me BEFORE I started to take a hard and honest look at exactly how sl was encroaching on my rl. You ask what is the difference between spending time in sl and going to the movies. There is a BIG difference between the two. The movies involve sitting there, passively watching characters tell a story, their story, on the screen with no social interaction and no chance of effecting the outcome. Watching movies, you are merely an observer. In contrast, in sl, you are an active participant socially engaging and creating your own story albeit with others and having an effect on the outcome.

As far as sl being addictive, I take a more narrow approach to the definition of addiciton and see it centering more on compulsion. As human beings, we are naturally compelled to socially engage. The thing is, sl seems to act as a pacifier of sorts to appease us enough so that we don't feel compelled to socially connect and engage in the physical world. This may result in narrowing our social interactions in the physical world more and more as we become more deeply involved in sl. The question then becomes whether sl is healthy. While we can survive for a time on a diet of junk food which may taste mighty good going down, it leaves us empty and unnourished in the end.


Auld Fart 4 years ago

I have been in SL for 5 years. I am addicted to building. It is becoming very distracting in my RL. I have created some good stuff (so I have been told).I have been wanting to leave Sl for months but just could'nt do it because I have built soooo much stuff and cant bear to let it all go. I tried staying away for a while but my creative passion overtook my willpower. The last few days I have thought it through and today I deleted the 10,000 items in my inventry. I then logged on to SL website, cancelled the account and cashed in my Linden Dollars.I did feel a bit sad but to be honest I think I was getting bored with it anyway. I reminded myself that its just a game and I now feel a great sense of relief. If this sounds like you....Go for it...nobody died!...lol


---------/// 4 years ago

I useful go on SL frequently about a year ago. It makes me sick to know that it's the reason but I know it was. I hated myself, the REAL me.

When I was in SL I could be that person that I always felt I should be, I could talk to other people without being embarrassed. I was so confident in there. In the back of my mind I knew that the majority of people in-world were just like me. Insecure, unhappy and in desperate need to escape from their real life. Despite knowing this, I continued to pretend that the people on the computers would be just as gorgeous and happy as their virtual persona.

Also, it never even occurred to me how sad it was to be staring at a screen all day...to me it just felt normal. I had let my second life merge with my first.

I had been spending large amounts of money on lindens, I wasn't even buying land or anything, it was literally all being spent on this ridiculously fake avatar. My bank ended up sending my letters telling me I was overdrawn. I honestly began to cry. I sat down and curled in a ball, sobbing and wondering what on earth I had done to myself.

What disturbed me most was that even after knowing I had been spending more money on it than I could afford, I was still in no ready position to give it up. How could I? This WAS my life. It was everything I felt it was supposed to be. Fortunately at the time, I wasn't in a relationship, so I wasn't hurting anyone in that sense but my family were becoming increasing worried. I would say that I'd go and see them or meet them at a restaurant but then when it came to it I just couldn't force myself to log off. I was sickened by what I was doing but I felt completely impotent. I had literally no control over my life (or what was left of it).

This went on for quite a while until one day my mum said to me, "I can't stand seeing you like this, you've turned into a husk of a person and it's breaking my apart. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy but if you truly love me too then you'll leave that game and come back into the real world."

Nothing had ever felt so poignant as what she had said. Without a question, I deleted the account and my mum took me on a short holiday up to the Lake District. It was difficult but I felt so liberated to be away from it all. Some days I wish I could return but then I look at my incredible family and feel tears coming down my cheek at the thought of harming them again. THEY are my life, not some creepy pixelated fantasy world.

I wish all the best to anyone that was in the same situation as me:)


lostinLA 4 years ago

Even sadder that when we are not in SL we are reading about it! This thread is incredible each and everyone of your stories truly amazing and touching. cold turkey ty for being so open and honest. I too have spent far too much time in SL and have noticed many changes about myself. Socially, physically and emotionally. I do believe SL can be very depressing at times. I have recently ended an on again off again sl relationship that had left me torn and crying constantly. I need to get back to RL . I have so much going on or should I say had so much going on there. I only hope I can figure out a way to just do it! Just leave! I have many sims though and a successful business I have staff and have made thousands of RL dollars a month in SL. I wish there was an easy way of just deleting the account but I feel trapped now like people in sl depending on me. I have been wanting to leave for awhile and truly do not know how to go about it :(


Auld Fart 4 years ago

To lostinLA, I was about to start selling 5 years worth of creations on Marketplace.I was hoping that by doing this I would be able let it run on its own, make some money and let me escape from SL and what had now become an addiction.I weighed up how much more SL time it would take to set-up and maintain a store and decided to not go ahead. I have little will power and know that I would keep on coming in and working on stuff. I had to do something drastic.I thought it through for days then on Monday (the day after my 5th rezzday, I deleted my entire inventry containing 10,000 items and 5 years of hard work.I then logged on to SL website and hit the cancel account button. I felt sick but at the same time relieved. I then posted a comment on here. The next day I felt great but was anxious that the account was only in hibernation for 60 days. The fact that I could re-activate at any time worried me. I contacted Lindens and asked if there was a fast track way out. They promptly replied and were very sympathetic however, they explained that a fast track destruct button would never be an option as it could be open to abuse. I agree and accept that. Yesterday (3 days without SL)I became very angry at myself for not giving away my creations but especially for deleting them. I hadnt realized how much that part would hurt. I contacted Lindens again and asked if they could recover the trashed inventry, explaining that the pain of losing all that forever was making my recovery even harder. I was sure that after a couple of months break from sl I would be able to make a more level headed decision about staying or leaving and knowing my inventry was safe would help. Again they were brilliant but sadly it had gone. Now heres the weird thing, seeing that email today has actually given me closure. I know I have done the right thing. Its History.

Getting back to you now lostinLA , I would suggest that you somehow pass all your workload onto a friend and become a silent partner. Take half the income and get yourself out of there. I am 57 years old and I cant believe how much precious time SL has sucked out of my RL. I feel such an old fool, so please be brave, sort your business out and get your life back. This life is not a rehearsal. Best of luck.


lostinLA 4 years ago

Auld Fart,

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I appreciate them so much. You have escaped! Stay gone from what truly is a life sucking misery. I wish you all the best. Enjoy RL to the fullest......I am planning my escape!


Serena 4 years ago

Keep this in mind too LostinLA. Anyone who truly cares about your well being is going to help support your exit from sl and not try to keep you roped in! Any friendships formed in sl that are truly valuable can be taken outside of sl and continued. It truly fascinates me that so many people in sl hearing of my exit asked the very same question namely, "Why leave sl?" I don't know whether this indicates that many in sl are in denial of the potential adverse effects or whether they are looking for hearing of reasons to exit themselves.


sally 4 years ago

ROFL how could anyone get addicted to SL? I tried it once and it was so boring, pointless and stupid. I'm laughing so hard.


Auld Fart 4 years ago

Sally, Laughing hard at people with genuine addictions? You should have more respect before posting comments on something you obviously know nothing about.


lostinLA 4 years ago

Sally do yourself a huge favour and dont log in again! I too thought it was ridiculous and made not sense when I first logged in. It was two months later that I logged in again and met people and bam hooked !


ClanQueen 4 years ago

Addicted to Second Life? Hmmm would be hard not to. You are perpetually beautiful, young and can dance like a pro, even better than the pro. Am I addicted? No. But many can come to beleive this is Rl. You have to do it in moderation, everything, is in moderation in Life or else it becomes an addiction. What do I do here? I run a clan, a vampire clan. The people that are in the clan are friends. Dont say its not real because it is. The people behind the avis are real people, with feelings, thoughs hopes and dreams. Many are here for various reasons, out of work, disables, bored or perhaps they want a challange? Why do people want challanges? To beat them. You have to learn to draw a line here. Some people go off into their deepest darkest famtasies, some people start businesses, some people screw everything that walks....whatever our needs are you need to control them. If you cant do this perhaps you shouldnt do anything that tempts you. Some people cant eat 1 peice of chocolate without eating the whole bag. If this is your personality, stick to RL. We are progressing on with new technologies. Maybe the day will come where we can just plug in. People you have to learn to pace yourself to everything that presents itself whether here or in RL. You dont quit jobs, leave loved ones, get up late for work, ignore your children, stop eating, whatever to spend a ridicules hour here prancing around. Draw the line, set your goal here whether it be entertainment, work or just social networking. When its time for RL GET off, I guarantee the game will still be here. Your friends if they are truly friends will be here or get an email of FB and leave messages. Chill out, slow down and enjoy it for what it is , another way to social network and meet people you would NEVER meet in a regular RL setting. And dont be niave. There are a lot of not honest people out there who abuse the game for thier own sick fascination. Just practice MODERATION


BriqueTopaz 4 years ago

Yes, SL can be addictive. I spent much too much time there just trying to figure things out - and I noticed that a lot of my RL issues were being ignored. I've cut back on time spent in SL. But the fact is - I'm there for a reason. I run a RL non-profit organisation and took it into SL over 2 years ago. My organisation - Live and Learn in Kenya Int'l - provides education for very poor children in Kenya. Besides providing education, we provide over 400 children with their basic needs - shelter when necessary, dental and medical care and meals, for example. Fundraising in Second Life actually provides a huge part of these daily meals! 7 children have been sponsored through SL - which means the difference between living on the streets and going to school. One SL sponsor is putting a girl through college. That is very real. So, the time spent in SL is worth it to me and to hundreds of children in Kenya who depend on LLK Int'l. I like Bono's opinion of doing good - making a difference - and having a good time doing it...

So, if you aren't totally against Second Life - or are looking for a "good and healthy" reason for being there - please contact me. I get by with a LOT of help from my friends - both SL and RL - and many of them are both...

You'll find me under Brique Topaz - the Lavender Field for Feed a Smile in SL.


JERLYN 4 years ago

Yeah i hate SL i nearly lost my bf,because he is becoming addict with this game,i sleep by myself.eat the dinner by myself and the worste thing that happened is he cheated on me to the point that he wanted to break up with me,we broken up for like a month..but thnx God he face the RL,he nearly lost me and my daughter..im totally against second life...fuck the SL


Tipsy 4 years ago

SL isn't the problem. It's obsessive behavior that is the problem. Addictive personality. Not everyone becomes addicted to Second Life. While I know some that have no issue I know others that do. Just like I know people who have an addiction to playing the xbox or social networks.


sl beauty 4 years ago

Oh my god, I found this page and have read so many stories about SL addiction. I am addicted to SL, and I left once after being hurt by someone that I thought really cared and disappearred one day. It affects my RL alot, don't go out, laundry, housework, work...some days I really don't want to go to work but stay on SL. When I get a day off the first thing in my head is 'wow, I can spend all day on SL'. I have neglected my RL and I look like it. I do things hurriedly at the last minute so people won't know it.

I know the reason I am there and its because I am overweight and struggle losing in RL. I went through a divorce where my husband cheated on me and I felt so unlovable. In SL, I am beautiful sexy avatar that has all kinds of men in her IM. I flirt and they tell me how beautiful I am. To me, its not about the pixel sex or those that want to call you or get on cam with you...for me its just the attention...and I don't do any of those other things except with women and its just to talk.

This is my fault because I checked out of my RL, and reading all of your stories I realize that now. It was obvious a few times when the internet went down and I couldn't log on. Maybe it was God's way of grabbing my attention and saying 'hey there' I know that I can't go cold turkey with SL but I am limiting it and with a rule of 'RL first' I did this before and I can do it again.

For all the married folks out there whose significant other is online. SL is FULL of married men and women who for some reason whether it be companionship, understanding, or a sexual addiction. SL is just another venue like AOL or any other web site to talk to other men or women. Find out what is missing in your lives..please!!! Its not worth losing your family. I didn't lose mine but I am 54 years old and should be out looking for my life..and I've wasted so much RL money and RL time. Life is short!! Go live your RL..and find people and friends that are REAL. That you won't have to wonder why they don't answer you because you'll be standing right in front of them with RL hugs and RL attention.

Today I am accepting who I am physically and trying to do something about it. I'm not this gorgeous avatar that is a model or beauty queen, or sexy stripper...or great clothing designer, but I am me..and that's good enough...it really is.


Charmeine 4 years ago

Yeah, I was and still am addicted to SL even though I haven't been inworld for months. My gaming computer crashed and saved me. Since then, I've participated in RL a whole lot more, reconnected with RL friends, started thinking about RL dating, and gone to bed earlier which made getting up for work easier. But hell I have to admit I miss it. My family and friends all HATED the time I spent on SL - at a picnic, I was told if I got on my computer it would be thrown threw the window.

All that said, I miss it like crazy. If I had the money to buy a computer that would support it.. I'd be back.


Thankful 4 years ago

I want to say thanks to everyone who has contributed to this discussion. Tonight i was tempted to get a copy of this game (V.R?)and started off very impressed upon researching it on the internet. I have had video gaming problems before, but none through the internet, which i think has stopped me going too deep (Financial constraints you see). I was about to go and download it but became curious of the possibility of becoming addicted to this. It started off as an amusing google search but has ended in me sitting here reading this with an amazed expression on my face and a heavy heart for all the suffering this addiction has caused people. If i hadn't read this article i would've just started on the road to an addiction, i feel certain of this because of my addictive personality - sex, drugs, adrenalin - I've been there. It even landed me in prison. Thanks guys, i now have a good place to start in informing myself about this addiction that is under discussed in the real world. I've strengthened myself against all the "Common" addictions but until now never gave this type any serious thought

What a shame there isn't more awareness around this, if something isn't done i think the human race will go down the path of the matrix or something similar - which is scary.

Ever Grateful.


beebstar 4 years ago

My husband played WOW now HON so i took up SL. He thinks its dumb as you can't kill anyone. My online romances have taught me how to be caring, unselfish, tap into the love that i already had but was witholding from my RL husband. Now I am the patient, kind geisha in RL that I created in SL. He knows about foursomes etc. all that was experimentation i dont need to repeat, once is enough to see what a woman gets out of it...nothing. I now know how men operate and know they have hearts and want to be loved, in the way THEY want to be loved. I have never been healthier or more solid in my understanding of both sexes.


Flatpack 4 years ago

What's often quoted as one of the biggest problems associated with SL addiction is the amount of time it takes away from your real life. But in that way it's not really any different from other activities. In the early days of the internet I knew someone who became addicted to what we used to call 'surfing the internet'. Being unemployed, he spent all his days just going from one website to another.


Flatpack 4 years ago

For a lot of people, SL is probably something they keep to themselves and don't talk about much to their friends and family - especially if they're a man playing a woman in SL or vice versa. So what I wonder is how many secret SL addicts there are among people with important jobs - bankers, pilots, doctors, politicians etc. - People whose real lives might and performance at work might be compromised by their addiction to a computer game (not necessarily Second Life, other games are just as addictive - even simple ones like Tetris and Bejewelled have their addicts.


Flatpack 4 years ago

To put things in perspective, I've known older people in the past who'd spend hours each day pondering over crossword puzzles with the excuse that it 'keeps the mind active'. I think Second Life, at least during the long and fascinating learning curve, probably keeps the mind a lot more active than solving crossword clues!


snowbug69 4 years ago

My dear friend from childhood has what I believe to be a serious SL addiction. I am looking for a support/education site to help me help him. I can be reached at snowbug69@yahoo.com. Please, if you know of a website that would help me to understand his addiction and point me in the right direction to help him come back to his real life, I would be truly grateful.


glipi gig 4 years ago

I see that sl has made a big problem with families and friends i was going to download it too but seeing this i feel its not good to download i thought of trying it but i wont now. why to live in a fake life when u can live in beautiful and real life!!! your family and year friends are the most importnt people in your life if there is an emergeny sl freinds cannot help u even if they want to so u guys who are addicted to it try to stop playing n start sitting with your family then the PC

BEST OF LUCK!!!!


directeeccks 4 years ago

To people who are affected by the addiction rather it be yourself or a loved one that the addiction can be broken.

Take a look at what makes you/them addicted. You may learn something about yourself/them. Push you/them to go searching for fun in rl. You really have to push since going out is not easy as hitting the tp button. So focus and keep telling yourself it has to happen.

I myself am addicted to building. First time in my life I was good at expressing my creativity was in SL. I can't draw in real nor can I paint or anything like that. But over time I learned about web design ,graphics and 3d modeling. I make beautiful things and i actually make a little cash on the side. I'm addicted to the feeling the pride that I actually made that.

So what did I do to turn Second life back to game(for the most part). I decided to start a business with skills I have learned in graphics for real life application. I cashed out my lindens that i worked up over this last year from the sim devs and clubs and all the other stuff i was payed to build and bought a expensive camera. Just like in sl people love profile pics done up nice. They do on face book even more. Doing somthing i love outside of sl. One thing to keep me logged off there. Now I do more all ready taken photos which keeps me on the computer. One step at a time I guess.

So 1 year and 6 months of my life i was in there learning and building till I couldnt keep my eyes open or had to go to work. Went from having like 60 hours logged a week give or take. Now I long in for like maybe at most 10 hours a week. Somtimes i go a week before i log in. It's been 6 weeks now since the change and 290 photos taken or edited and made some cash in my pocket for my creativity in real. I'm happy.

I will never regret my time in there cause I learned alot about myself. The place is filled with many amazing things and people. But as all of you/love ones I myself put it above real.

This post has been going for quite some time with addicts and people who are affected by those addicts. I going to post a list of things which makes us/them addicted. It may help with an evaluation of what is the core importance of second life to the individual.

Building

creating

shopping

making money(rl and sl)

gambling (Those with breadable animals looking for the right bundle to make lindens its GAMBLING i could go on but i wont on them)haha

trolling(yes the trolls there and even here I hope there is a cure)

drama(yes some love the drama and creating it)

love

sex

feelings of importance/sl fame

social acceptance

Being how you feel on the inside on the out(women play men, men playing women, humans playing furries the list goes on)

Okay I cant think of anymore right now. :P But I know there is way more but those are the main ones that stick out to me.

Anyways I wish all of you luck and happiness on your quest to pull you/them back into real.


Tania 4 years ago

Everybody can be addicted by anything that's good, or enough entertaining. I am "online" since 2006, almost every day when i can be. Recently i am teaching there and i have few shop as well which is good to earn real money. It's useful. But still i can stay up front of computer and turn it off when needed.


kris 4 years ago

I was playing for 2 years everyday increased with a combat game in sl, in last 1 year almost 10 hours in a day. but there is a life out there and life happens once. dont waste it in front of a pc with people who you will never see in your life ever face to face. I reject it and dont log in for 3 days its hard and stressfull i fight with urge to log in but i keep myself busy with other stuff i uninstalled everythng about it. and it wont own me.


twinkle sweet 4 years ago

i was playing SL for like 1 years. i was addicted n i could leave pc. i use to play for like 8 hours a day. i used to love reaing books,skating,playing basket ball and walking in the frsh air but after i started playing SL i stopped doing my fav things.i stayed in my house in the cozy room. then my friends startd to get angry with me wen they told me to come with them to rstaurants my answer was always NO then later i realised that i was loosing all my friends then i tried to stop playing but it was really hard cuz SL was my first life but still i did not give up then i startd going out with my friends i started playing basket ball again my friends were so happy n now my answer is allways yes i no more play SL


HollyhockQueen 4 years ago

Never being into games before. I started playing SL in July 2008. I had gotten into a new relationship and had my son, just after being divorced in 2006. My new relationship was not what I expected, to much too fast, and I asked my boyfriend to move out. And I was financial ruin do to my failed marriage, I was very depressed and lonely, and I wasn’t working full time. Wile at home, I would stay logged into second life, as I did my house work and took care of my child. Not too big of a deal, because I am basically online all day, I don’t like TV and I listen to a lot of public radio so the computer is always on. I definitely got addicted, and used it as an escape form my new relationship, instead of being responsible and working out our issues. I was still a good mother, I played mostly wile my son was napping or asleep. And on the days he was at his father’s house. I have never spent more money in a month of second life then I would on a night out, but I still wish I could have all that money and time back. Before having my son I was an extremely social person, I partied, traveled, and went to concerts out of state a LOT. I never didn’t have the next event planed, and after having a baby I sort of fell into a lonely rut. I have met many people in second life, some of whom I am still close to online, but the men in SL are as bad as you can imagine, give a man the power to lie and be something he is not, and he surly will. After being in Sl for wile the thrill sort of wore off. It started to seem like a very selfish lonely place, full of everything I hate about humanity, but magnified. I saw somebody in the thread say that second life is like hell, and I agree with that statement. I know a person in real life who use to be a friend of mine , that actually takes money form a person in Sl that they met . She gets sent about 200 real dollars a month because she doesn’t work and won’t find a job. The woman feels sorry for her and gives her, her hard earned money. The situation disgusts me, and I’m not even friends with her anymore. Any weird fucked up situation, or kind of person that you can think of or imagine exists in sl. I started to play breedable animals, and I would only be logged into Sl to feed and take care of my animals , I was afk most of the time,and In the summer time I was never there. The owners of the breedable bunny and Horse Company’s in SL are awful people, who degrade their customers to their faces, and shit all over them. Id sit there and watch the group chat and think to my self.” My God what is wrong with these people, they don’t have lives ,and the being talked to like their shit. “But It was a way to kill time before bed, wile my boyfriend was on play station, lol I did involve myself with some fun projects in Sl, but as time wore on It did lose its luster. My relationship got much better, and my boyfriend moved in with me with me again. I had gotten a grant for school, and now have the exact job I wanted. I am very involved with my business, and building customers. And I want to become more involved with my church and Christian charities. I don’t really have time for the second life addiction anymore. I cant see myself sitting on my ass during the little bit of free time I have playing Sl. I’m just not willing to spend my time that way. I am on the fence right now about staying with it long enough to put my creations on the market place, but I can’t decide if it’s worth the time it actually takes to do that. From what I’ve heard the economy in sl is bad now and a lot of people aren’t making money because linden labs is so greedy. I have logged on to visit places I liked in sl, there are places in sl that can be relaxing to visit , but I haven’t don’t that in a wile. I really don’t miss it much. The people in sl who say they don’t like drama , are the ones to watch for, it’s a weird place , and the people are strange , they always have a motive for what they do.


SonjaMorgan 4 years ago

Its so nice to hear that from someone else! I haven't been on for 2 days and I've cried and slammed doors and broken things.. I love my sl and I need it. I can't live like I am without it

. I love the flirting I love the clothes and yes it's an amazing escape from the real world,I am addicted but tbqh I have no intention of stopping ive tried and I can't so that is that, I know it's not the best thing in the world it's a virtual world, a game. No one understands how it feels, you need to play it to understand, I need my sl


A stranger out there 4 years ago

OH GOD, i got really sad with your comments now...i could say i was too in your position, with video games... if my account wasn't hacked...People I wish you, i really hope, you get over this addiction! Dunno how, if there is a way, i hope you find it and get over this shit. You might have not social life now, not real friends,you might be lonely, separated of others, maybe SL gives you what you want, maybe is a way to escape from the horrible reality, from all these things you want to avoid but believe me, it will make your life shittier, STOP IT NOW! delete your account!uninstall it! You may have to start your life from scratch..but it s the best choice, believe me! there are also other person -as you see-, who suffer the some shit! DON'T GIVE UP!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

p.s i m listening "Linkin Park Live in Texas" at youtube, it is impressive how i feel that their songs are related and describing this shit maybe you should listen them too, just saying...

It s funny the advertisement down there..."make him addicted to you" lol, what irony...

I wish you the best...


idkanymore.... 4 years ago

My boyfriend has been addicted since he was 16 and is now 23... I have heard from friends and see the results of it everyday, it has completely ruined his real life, he has no friends he is very unhealthy physically and has done things on there that id rather not repeat in addition to cheating on his ex via the site (she still doesnt know). Shortly after starting to date I found all this out and asked him to stop, as far as i know he did based on his comp history. but lately hes been logging on (also according to his history) and lying to me about it. I get that sinking painful, heartbreak feeling at even the thought and I dont know what to do, I dont want to loose him to this game. PLEASE HELP! any suggestions on what i should do from people who love this game like he does?


Feelslikerain 4 years ago

Throw his PC in the rubbish. Or you will never compete. You can't win, you can try and it will get better for a lil bit but he will go back to it, until he finds his own reason to want to stay away. I have quit since Halloween, I will never go back. I love RL and I have been going out and being social again and my business has taken off. Best choice I have made for myself in a really long time. Good Luck and try something drastic..


Anonymous 4 years ago

Hey i just read all of your comments and wholey shit. you guys like to type. well i play sl and i like it i havent been playing very long but i only get on it on the weekends and actually mine shuts off and i think thats good cause it gives me some time to do other stuff like eat and use the restroom and even ride my bike. well hope you all can get your lifes back, im not leting it happen to me... and thanks for the heads up ppl.


Weighed down 4 years ago

I love my husband of more than 20 years and father of our beautiful 3 chn. I hate that he has chosen to bring Second life into our family, home and marriage causing turmoil. Six days ago I discovered that he has had a SL account for the passed 2 mths, where he plays a sexy fantasy young woman (who has the same first name as our 12 yr old daughter) . I was shattered, and yet relieved at the sometime, because now I have the answer to why he has been so distant and disconnected, why he spends all weekend on the laptop instead of with us, his family, why he gets up out of bed in the early hours of the morning - its to live in his fantasy world, why he disappears into the bedroom with laptop almost as soon as he gets home. I feel as if I’m raising our chn on my own while he life’s in a fantasy world. Over the past few months our 8 yr old son has asked constantly “why is Dad always on the computer”, and when we go out he asks, “why doesn’t Daddy come with us”. It hurts me deeply when I think that while I’m looking after our family and family business, he is spend all his time and money on his fantasy life. He spends $ on an avator and yet he didn’t even give me a Xmas or Valentines gift. This is the first time I have blogged….I have not told my friends or family what is going on because I love my husband and do not want to humiliate him…so this is the only way I have to get this off my chest, as well as look for help and support. I haven’t had a good nights sleep since this discovery…I sometime wake-up crying or with a headache. My husband hasn’t touched me for two days. I just want our lives back, I want a happy healthy environment for our family to grow. There is so much more I could tell you, but we don’t have all day. How can I help him come back to us and the sunlight? Jane Fonda said “that a person with an addiction can never be who they authentically are“.


Not a game ~!! 4 years ago

The truth is . a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that, uh, you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore... And unfortunately, this city was built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want; we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from your sinns Your Action here are the same as real they speack loud then your empty word - Yiour AV is a Extetion of your real self - so you must be what you are here - the bad - the good - the ugly Sad to see but true. some time ppl wear this love thing to thin . then it wear out and means nothing-

This is a Socail MMO !!! NOT a Game . people use the word *Game* for a lack of a better term for it . *This is a Place where friendship are made and love can be found - We Are human with a heart beat and soul beings behind our computers - I am not a bot or a computer generated thing - But some come here and hide there lies and Abnormal behaivor behind there screen with out any thought of the other feelings- With with the Moral or Ethic behind there goal - WE! are Adults, Here why are some of us like back in school acting like little kids and being the most popular , or being in a cliquce. or not being our slef and surcoming to peer pressures-This is a living breathing world where money is made and feeling to be shared - The feelings and caring I have for people is real. If you want to play mind games then go somewhere else. I don't play Relationships - i live them and grow from them It's pointless to Argue with Idoits who think this is a game I will Simply Mute SL-RL Is one Marrige Only 1 love

sl is a Socail and creative experiance . sad when adault are so screwed up they want to asct like 12 year old

Call of duty is a game ..... cant some of you not see the difference or have you been brian washed by loose ways and liberlism SEX.LOVE Marriage is not a game ..... real people this keeping them separate is a load of crap ... Shame on you for playing people


Feelslikerain 4 years ago

Not a game - you are wrong. It's a game. And it is a fantasy. No dif then call of duty when you chose who you want to play. People play sl and shut off. They become disconnected . I would say 90 % of the people who do play are broken in rl. Bad relationships, over weight, not able to date, or just boring and lazy. They can be whatever they want on sl and there isn't anyone to call them out on it. It's the land of misfit toys. I was there.. My rl broke. I stopped caring. Became a crap father. One day I said, in 4 years I am still in the same spot I was when I started. And logged off, cancelled my account. Best move I have ever made. - not a game.. You better pull your head out of your butt and get real. Cause you will waste your life. Sl is a life breaker for social misfits.


Logic 4 years ago

1. A game has a set goal. SL doesnt have a goal. the people create games IN second life.

2. Blaming a virtual environment for something that you do in RL is stupid.

You chose that SL was more important than your RL. it was a choice that you decided to spend more time on SL than with your kids. it only takes over when YOU LET IT.

wake up. stop blaming other things for your mistakes.

I make my living in SL. My computer wont be on until my kids are at school. I have been in SL for 7 years. I go out with my friends, spend my time with my kids, have a rich social life.. I dont hide behind 'SL ruined my life' things, its just what you make of it. if you mess up your RL cause you like to play pretend in a virtual world, its YOUR fault. not the virtual world.


Feelslikerain 4 years ago

Wow isn't that like selling booze in the parking lot of a bar. Taking money from them people, people who are addicted and stop going to work, stop paying their bills, except that important Internet bill. I don't think your explanation makes it any better. I know so many people that play Sl that have lost their employment , lost their marriage... And it is because of sl. So I don't agree with you ...just saying .


Wrecked 4 years ago

I've been in SL 3 years. I'm a merchant/designer. I have a store, a lot of land. For a long time, a partner. Even a daughter and sister! I, too am struggling to leave. It's impacted my life in the following ways:

1. Expense. Even though I am a designer, it's hard to make real money in SL, especially with all the changes the past year with their online Market Place. I spend $150 a month on SL and I'm retired.

2. I can't keep track of what world I'm in. I dream of SL not RL.

3. I had a SL affair even though I'm married and it impacted my real life.

4. I'm too identified with my avatar, and love her more than myself.

Second Life is not a game, it's a medium.


Noname 4 years ago

I first joined SL as a way to cope with the death of my mom who was my entire world. I had already lost my sister and felt a void within me that I needed to fill. I had already been developing a gaming addiction and by chance I saw a documentary about SL addiction and thus it all began. SL became my everything and my RL relationships suffered. I wish I could tell you that I quit cold turkey and my life has been the better for it but that would be a lie. My laptop broke and it's been about a month since I logged on. I am going through major withdrawal trying to find something to fill the void. But I've been unsuccessful even my rl hubby just can't chase away the emptiness. I feel as a child of the 90s this gaming addiction has been being cultivated for a long time. I just hope I'm strong enough to quit when I finally get a new computer.


Zetmech 4 years ago

Hi people, Im known as Zet in SL, and I (was) a SL addict.

To people seeking a law or rule that would shut down SL, tough luck. You have to see it as "a legal drug". Mostly like smoking is. It gives you satisfaction that you will accomplish something, like.. On LSD, catching a dragon, but never will.

Its kind of hard to explain the feeling youre getting when youre "on" SL. Let me illustrate with a Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-V-xqf3LGs .

As you see, like the music or not (and the fact that they theft'ed Bladerunner to its very ends, you can mute it, I dont really give a diddly damn! (lol) My point is from the video is to illustrate the feeling youre getting when youre logged into the SL grid. Its mostly like the girl with the USB port in her arm, sticking the USB hub inside her arm, which releases the given "drug" and satisfies her.

In my (personal) point of view, the video is about this guy (would be me, in my little story), running on his motorcycle, away from stress from the every-day life, into Second Life. The devastating cloud would symbolize Second Life (my past addiction) ruining my First Life, bit by bit.

This is maybe the answer you seek, youre welcome to watch the video more times, as it reveals more and more every time you see it. Ive first now realized what that video personally mean to me. :) The lyrics makes sense too, if you read into it.

Anyway, I was moving from IMVU (which is/was a bad addiction as well, I dont play anymore (But I would personally mean that SL is 2 times worse) in order to seek more freedom of movement and creativity of creation, as I was a old dev from there, going on my 6th year. When I first logged in, I was confused over this advanced-ness of kinds, from IMVU's "simple" design (some of you, whom played IMVU and took the move, would hopefully agree), and I sought out clubs in hope of maybe becoming a Stream DJ. I finally found Industrial Dreamz, filled out a application for DJ's and sent it the Head DJ's way. As I was a GM from IMVU in a club there, I knew somewhat something about running a club. So me and the Head DJ from Europe talked and when I least knew of it, I became the Assisant Head DJ in no time. As I didnt have a job IRL, I didnt really care about time in that matter, as some of you might know, managing a club IS a FULL TIME JOB (and as I only recently realized) WITHOUT PAYMENT (tip-based matter, which is basically scrapped money, nickels and dimes). I loved it of all my heart, because DJ'ing at a club and having power over people is what I really burn for.

Things happened over time and the club changed management around, with me as the Head DJ. It became more and more of a 8-12 hour job, since I was alone, managing 30-40 DJ's. Longer story, but the club had a break-down and lost over half of the DJ's because of the new management.

Making a long story short, Ive spent at least 400 dollars, if not more into SL because of my addiction to dress my dress-up dolly of a avi. IMVU is worse for me, I believe I gave 500 dollars, if not 700 total over time. I have been "clean" for almost a month now from SL from my 1 year and 4 months long addiction. In total, maybe even 7 years total. Ive removed my SL viewer from my computer so I dont log in, because I can feel the abstinence for me logging into the grid running right now. It will be a good while before I log back in.

So in short:

If you are aware of your addiction problem, logging into the grid, just give yourself a "Cold Turkey". What I did, it works, and it feels good after a week from the screen. :)

-Zet, former SL addict


6335 4 years ago

i had 2 quit sl it is 2 addicting to handle


Joy 4 years ago

To Zetmech, Thank you for sharing your story, it was very insightful. I would like to wish 6335 and you all the best as you both step out of SL into RL. And may your RL be full of Joy and Love. "The life and love we create is the life and love we live" Leo Buscaglia


Someday is now 4 years ago

The following helped me move on from SL, and develop a backbone to get back in the real game of life. It’s addressed to children, but it still speaks to me as a 40 yr old Mother and Wife. It made me realize that I needed to stop being selfish by spending my time in a fantasy world. Now I spend my time giving to my family, friends and community. I hope it helps you slay your addiction…….Northland College (NZ) principal John Tapene has offered the following words from a judge who regularly deals with youth....."Always we hear the cry from teenagers 'What can we do, where can we go?'...... My answer is, ..."Go home, mow the lawn, wash the windows, learn to cook, build a raft, get a job, visit the sick, study your lessons, and after you've finished, read a book. Your town does not owe you recreational facilities and your parents do not owe you fun. The world does not owe you a living, you owe the world something. You owe it your time, energy and talent so that no one will be at war, in poverty or sick and lonely again." In other words, grow up, stop being a cry baby, get out of your dream world and develop a backbone, not a wishbone. Start behaving like a responsible person. You are important and you are needed. It's too late to sit around and wait for somebody to do something someday. Someday is now and that somebody is you.


Starry eyed 4 years ago

Sl is an amazing graphics world with potential to be a real educational tool with accurate historical recreations of ancient worlds and even solar systems etc.

However it has turned largely into a huge sexual arena with all kinds of boasted perversions and dark fantasies that people would never admit to to their families,friends and neighbours in real life unless they were seeking psychological help.

I fell into the the SL trap briefly with the best of intentions, ended up having a cyber affair, suddenly saw how crazy it all was and how people thought they had free rein to do whatever they wanted there and logged out permanently. It was fun for a brief time but becomes a pyschological prison for many. They can't leave even when they are miserable. Not a very psychologically healthy place to spend your holidays!!


help plz 4 years ago

Hi there, could someone would has kicked the SL addiction offer me some advice? About six weeks ago I discovered that my husband was an SL addict (long story, but much the same as the other ppl's experiences who have a partner with the gaming addiction that I've read). Anyway, has promised me that he has given up SL. But I know he is lying, 'cos I have seen on Sl and he still spends every possible moment in front of the screen. He will miss days of work to go on line. We are running out of money to support our family. For example; on Thursday went to work at 8:45am and returned home at 11am. Then on Friday while the kids and I were not home he spent all day at home on line.

He says he's just listening to music, and uses puts me down for asking about his on line habits. For example; when I tell him that I am worried our finances, he tells me to get another job. This morning when I came into the sitting room and before I got a chance to say "Good morning" he snapped at me (from be hide the laptop) accusing me of spying on him and not trusting him...that he needs space and time to himself...that he feels I always looking over him shoulder (which is so untrue, I don't have the time to be a spy.I'm to busy running a household & business, keeping contact with family, involved on school board etc....what he was saying was crazy stuff (surely I should be free be in our sitting room?). Its so crazy that he has said that he is going to leave to chn and I if I ask about SL. He does not seem to see how crazy it is that he would leave his beautiful family for a fantasy world.Today is a public holiday, and I ponder if he start the day with conflict so that he could he a reason to withdraw with the laptop to the bedroom for the rest of the day, and not spend any family time with us. He's reasoning is like a toddlers...there is no logic. How can a SL addict be reached? At what point do they see how crazy their behaviour is?

This is so overwhelming....


rosa 4 years ago

I'm in SL since 2007, it's so addicted I bought property started to build, and t has cost me many thousands of euros a year, I'm still in every night until 2 or 3, dancing and talking to my friend who I met 4 years ago... we both do building on my property, we are both jealous when he or me is with another avie dancing or flirting, its a sick sick game, we had people staking us and talk dirty language, most people on SL are having a RL problem


John Dear 4 years ago

I have been tracking this person's activity on SL for awhile watching in utter amazement at how much time he spends on SL. We used to visit on SL and he would tell me or at least allow me to believe that he didn't spend much time on it. After some strange things started to puzzle me, I decided to track him. We lost our friendship over the amount of time he spends on SL.

If you study the numbers, he spends 11% of the 24 hour day on SL. He only doesn't spend more because he works. He has spent the equivalent of almost one month on SL, in less than one year. This is not a weirdo, strange person. This is a college degreed man with a Masters. He is totally normal but for a strange addiction to the "game". He is married and has children. I feel sorry for his spouse and his kids. As I said, we are no longer friends but I get on from time to time to check the log. Before you call it stalking, he says it is a game. If it is a game than it is ok to play the game of watching how much time he spends on it, isn't it?:-)

Online for: 3h 7m 41s

Out of SIM for: Unknown

Totals:

Logins: 896

Ave Logons per day: 3.61

Ave Logon Time: 46m 49s

Online Time: 29d 3h 17m 6s [11%]

Ave per Day: 2h 49m 29s

Offline Time: 218d 9h 46m 11s [88%]

Tracking Time: 247d 13h 3m 17s

---

On Today: 9h 50m 41s

Yesterday: 6h 21m 30s


Lavendel 4 years ago

Sorry, John Dear -- no, that IS stalking. Get a life!


Anon 4 years ago

Though it is a bit weird to monitor another's activity, I agree with John Dear. I am constantly told that Second Life is a game? If it is then it is OK to use tools within the game to follow this? Or, maybe it isn't a game and it is real life and everyone here and their loved ones are living out their real life in Second Life?

John Dear, how did you do this and would you share it with me so I can see how much time my hubby spends on Second Life?


James Dusaro 4 years ago

OMG I was wondering whether it was just me addicted to SL; clearly I'm not the only one and probably knew it all along but but buried my head in the sand. My business failed a year ago due to the economy and I fell into bouts depression. About 6 months before I was told about SL by my partner who was using it for genuine educational reasons at a University for international students to access some parts of the course. As for me I quickly became addicted and have spent countless hours in SL and spent RL money on AVI stuff and equipment like a lot of people here. I'm still looking for work RL and financial situation is precarious and sometimes I feel I've disconnected from RL; my relationship with my partner is growing more strained and we haven't been intimate for months. So all in all SL has the potential to destroy your real life even people who are degree educated and have or had successful careers can get caught in the cycle. Today I've decided to give myself a kick up the arse as I've just sold my Lindens to transfer back to Paypal; I've removed Firestorm from the PC and deleted the settings file under my user and am deleting the 3 AVI accounts I have. I mean in sense of logging on and cancelling the accounts via the account settings bit on the web browser. I anxious as I know I'll lose all the objects and wonderful clothes for my AVI by doing this but hey surely its a small price to pay as I want my Real Life back...


help plz 4 years ago

Hi James, I just want to say good on you for choosing to change :-) and encourage in your choice to commit yourself to real life! I'm sure the choice you made today will have long-term benefits in your life. I pray my husband will also make the same choice. Life well :-)

"You are the way you are because that's the way you want to be. If you really wanted to be any different, you would be in the process of changing right now". Fed Smith (Over the top by Zig Ziger).


peter 4 years ago

i dont entirely agree if sl is a addiction depends upon how it is played eg... exploreing playing the games there going see live singers role play stuff but when you start haveing a relationship with some one else then its a addiction and a very poor one at that i mean its impossible have a happy love life via 2 computers is why the lack off susbstance makes it become well just fun but end the day people play sl mostley due to a huge unhappyness in there real lifes hopeing sl will give them that fix and it does for a while but it wont fix problems no way it creates more its a big lie from word go people only dedicate themselfs if they are bord or uhappy themselfs i play sl what 3 hours a day but please for anyone reading this and you are in a what you belive to be a deep relationship dont blow your 1st real life please its your only one you gonna have dont play sl and 20 years after have regrettes love your loved ones rl they the ones who will fix you not sl god bless


worried mother 4 years ago

how do you help a young mother with 2 kids who basically plays this game all day with her children in the room most of the time and children are way out of control..everyday gets worse and worse..


Feelslikerain 4 years ago

Mention you may call social services... Speak to the father of the children ? Break the computer... Go to the extreme..children don't get to pick their parents!! It's the land of misfit people. It's why they play. I thought I was broken as well.. 8 months out and never going back!! People in SL are sad..


jerlyn 4 years ago

i commented here 4 months ago,it ruined my brain really,my bf used to be obsessed with this game and found a gf in SL but we are back together now,i juz can't forget the girl he met in SL and their conversations...that's why i hate Sl so muchhhhhhhh


Imthevilprincess profile image

Imthevilprincess 4 years ago Author

Hey Guys,

Thank you for continuing to read and post comments here. Its neat that you do. An update about me ...

I RARELY play second life, It is on my laptop, and pc, but RARELY do I log in.. and when I do, its for a brief amount of time. I dont go to the places or type of places I USED to go to, nor chat with the people I did. That act itself has helped me have very little interest in the game. That being said, A couple of months ago I was interviewed on the Kyle and JAcki morning show in Australia about this very article and my addiction. They also had a second life big wig on the phone as well who totally defended the game " of course" sadly, I could hear him, but my mic was muted, and could not speak to him. Id have given him a piece of my mind let me tell you!!

You can break that addiction, its very hard at first, I wont lie, but If I can do it.. so can you. Hang in there.

To the people who have lost someone to an online love, or someone chatted with someone else and your worried about feelings for them. Yes, it does happen. Stay strong, hang in there. People all over the world are cheated on in REAL life everyday.... while its still very painful, its not the exact same thing. I know, it does feel like it... but you will get past it..

Much Love

Ana


promethea 4 years ago

Kay so I just deleted my SL account....reading some of these posts made me realize that my addiction could really start to affect my RL so I thought the best solution would be to just quit altogether. -_-


geenie 4 years ago

i dont understand whta addiction you guys got in there for sure play naughty naughty. why make yourself fall into it? i am in 4 years enter as and when to meet friends from all parts of the world and share lots of idea and understand others way of life.


john 4 years ago

I just lost my partner of 5 years to this game, his story is very similar to all of yours. He gave up on his real life, and lives non stop in this virtual world, I complained, and some people he met on SL came and picked him up, he is now living with them in a ramshackle trailer in Grant Alabama. He ripped apart my world because of this game. I wish that there was some help for him, but likely he wouldn't listen anyway right now, I hope he realizes one day what he gave up for it. He was a caring, loving person before SL.


secondlfesux 4 years ago

I left sl just over a year ago after being on approx 2 1/2 years.

So many folks on there have multipy avatars and pretend they are real friend of theirs and you, it is a sick place. Drama and narcissitics who prey on lonely bored or nieve people. So many of the original people[2006born] own land and have created enormous numbers of alts. and storylines. They replay stories over and over, lie about real life drama, it is a fake sick place .

WALK AWAY from the sl, if you need to look at pictures of your avatar once in a while..slowly you gain back an understanding that it is not a real place and these people are not your friends nor family!

It took at least 6 months to have it not bother me. One thing i did was go over some old chats and started to connect the strange people and how i thought they were my friends yet really the conversations were garbage.

Now I am thankful to have moved on!

Goodluck all


James 4 years ago

I am pretty sure my wife is addicted, but she has not admitted yet to having a problem. It is interfering with her sleep, staying awake until late, or not coming to bed at all.

I know that she sees it as an escape, as she has arthritis, and has not been able to work now for almost 10 years. She is now in her early forties.

I guess all I can do is wait and pick up the pieces, I love her so much. But should I wait indefinitely? I have a right to be happy too?


Garin 4 years ago

My fiance doesn't play SL like she used to, but she still has periods where she's on it a lot. She blames herself for her mom being on it as much as she is but then enables her whenever she gets on. As far as I know no line has been crossed but it worries me esp when my fiance has multiple accounts and every time I ask is it needed she gets defensive. I have an account that she made for me that she can control/take away from me at anytime and I made my own but I hardly get on. It's sad that sometimes I get on SL to see if her mother is on just to find out where she is in real life.


Fang 3 years ago

Hi everyone, this is an interesting website and I've read all the comments and I do know how they feel when they have lost a loved one via SL.

I wish SL never exists in the first place!!


slrecovery 3 years ago

Hello I came across this so thought Id comment to help anyone, as a habit for years, if I logged onto sl as soon as I would come off of it I would uninstall the game, it just make it a little harder to just jump back on the pc and go back into the game.

Set your own time ifs its night make it dark on the screen in sl, so this doesnt upset your body clock. Set a time limit, and under no circumstances break it. Evenutally the charm of sl is over, untangle yourself from any commitments you have in there, go offline to some friends, make sl boring and then thats the way out.

Thats the thing people get all wound up in there, uncreate what you created.

You will see life is worth being in more, and any friends from sl will always be there if they are true. I log in very rarly now and those few friends are still there, nothing has changed for many of them, some worse.... I am healthier fitter, look a lot better and am just enjoying life, with my family.


justify 3 years ago

People will justify secondlife by saying they are looking for work, you wont make any money in sl , well you may make some but it will only be just enough to support the game. Unless you build something everyone wants, but I think those days are over.

1000 Lindens = 3.95 USD

One hours work in sl might be on average tips or a wage of $300. lindens per hour thats $1.14 usd.. Youd get more money busking on a corner.

Even talented musicians are in there, working for these tips, people are in wasting there lives, same as FB a waste of time.

Families and children getting left behind.

It is very absorbing to the point of really unhealthy, many ppl I spoke to in there, were either bored with life, depressed and lonely.

It really is a form of escape..

So many people having online affairs, that was common.

Best advice to anyone that wants help, uninstall the game and find reasons not to log back on, go to the website if you must have a little look, but your not actually logging back into the game.


ex-sl addict 3 years ago

Left the game in 2010 after meeting Inworld again an old friend at the end of 2009. We were both fed up with that game (playing since 2007) and got back in touch after loosing track of each others from our CCS rpg time.We got together in RL, married and both left that virtual circus. SL was a rollercoaster for both of us (I lost my former rl partner to it) and we got our share of inworld drama. Now we are happily living together in RL and often think about the people we know and care about still trapped in that world.


Tips 3 years ago

Yes thats what happens ex-sl addict, ppl get trapped in there, like a jail sentence..

Another tip is to go offline to most friends, and turn off all contacts to your rl, so you dont get pulled back in.

Some ppl in there just get so competitive and down right nasty.

Its sad really when parents ignore there children and partners.

Maybe I could start a game called Getalife..


SL is my Shrink 3 years ago

I really hate to say this but I've really decided the only way I can associate with anyone anymore in SL is if they will give me their RL story, email and phone number and I call them and build a RL relationship as well as a SL one. And that might also include (shudder) RL visits too! Because THEN your time is not wasted. You've built actual friends. And if SL goes away? No problem...


Flatpack 3 years ago

The amount of bugs and glitches Second Life has these days are enough to cure a lot of addicts!


Feelslikerain 3 years ago

I have quit second life as of November 1st 2011. This will be my last comment. If you are still playing SL and have many "friends" wait until you quit, or have to take a break. All those people you have such a strong friendship with will go on without you. I was surprised what a "black sheep" I soon became in my circle friends. None of those people can ever have a convo that is like the ones we had in world because they are all busy signed into the game and have no time for non sl people. I have let them all go. My rule is, if you still play sl, I have no time for you in my RL. And things are 100% better. Get away as soon as you can, don't walk....run..


ishikahua 3 years ago

If you need help with your addicted husband, send me an email, I can block his account from SL ishikahua@yahoo.com


sallypally 3 years ago

To read Tory's full story google "How Dylan Rickenbacker Recovered From Second Life Addiction (And Still Managed To Stay in SL)" its there in the comments section.


tita 3 years ago

i accept it i am fully addicted to sl i can tell u a million excuses to say why i play sl it can be how my country is so dangerous to get outside and actually live your rl cause u dont know if u are gonna come back home safe but reality is is an addiction and i cant get out of it yes as many had shared i have a full inventory rarely speak to my relatives or friends havent gone out dance or hang out with friends for weeks! and i dont know what to do have had my heart broken many times in sl and it sucks and maybe this last time is the best way to finally say goodbye to it am a succesfull profesional woma rl with many friends who miss me and i should go back to my rl wish me luck!


StormiRaven 2 years ago

I am a former addict of SL and rue the day that I introduced it to my husband. At first it was a way for us to explore together and then he gradually pushed me away. So to keep my mind off of it I chose to get out of it and stay away even though I left a coulple great freindships behind. NOw our Marriage is falling apart and I am to the point where I do not care even. If I am going to be this alone while I am married why bother fighting for it. Why not be alone with no one to answer to?


Candice 2 years ago

Well I understand second life can be bad, but its a game and games can be bad sometimes. I play second life since 2009 and it helps me distract a lot, and I go out with my bf and with my friends, when i m with them i dont think about sl... but when im at home with nothing to do and life gets boring I go to second life and I have fun with people I know they are not my rl friends but makes us feel better too altough. I love fashion, travel... and there i can afford and go to places even if they are virtual that i never had opportunity to go in my rl. So yes first life main second life alt, second life for me is not a game but a second chance.


SLFriend159 2 years ago

Personally I love SL. SL can be a good game to be on, those that get addicted just have a problem. I've had this one guy on SL that has chatted me up, so many times, & I just ignore him, & stuff. I don't go on SL & go to clubs, parties, or date random people, go shopping, etc. So yeah, I just mute/block those guys.

I have a RL BF & He is on SL, he does do any of that either. He & I only date, & spend time with each other. We do hang out with friends, but, most of the time we only explore, & build stuff. Plus he & I can't see each other in RL cause he lives a long way from me, & SL is the only way we can hang out, & visit other places around the world. If you keep a level head & use common sense & actually trust each other, then SL is not a life/relationship/marriage ruining thing.

Beside why hit on/date/have sex with avatars that you don't know the person behind them personally? It's stupid. I only talk to & hang out with people I know on SL & in RL!


joe 2 years ago

My fiancee started playing online games innocently enough, much the same as I used to play call of duty often. But then came second life... In a matter of one month she longed minimum 11 hrs a day, caught her cheating on me with someone else who plays. The same way the author said she had gotten into some real life trouble my now ex- girlfriend had some the same but in a way that I was truly the one to blame. So she would use the same excuse that it helped her forget about things. Me feeling guilty let her continue to play. But once her charges where dismissed and she was out of school (for the summer, not sure if she ever finished) the mortgage was due and the bills piling up. She refused to quit. I'd give her ultimatums.... No luck. I really love this girl but when I had enough I smashed my computer. She couldn't handle it. She got violent and even threatened suicide. I couldn't take it any longer. Last time I saw her she was leaving with her mom (a known drug addict) my heart continues to break more and more. Sincerely, SL effected my RL


Feelslikerain 2 years ago

Quit October 2011. Never looked back. The friends I left behind are still broken. Don't work, crap parents.. SL is the "land of misfit toys" I played, I was broken, could of easily fallen in the rl loser trap. But I wanted more for myself. I lost years sitting at the computer. Made me a RL social misfit. But I appreciate the need for many people that play that have a new world to be social when maybe RL restricts them in one way or another. For those people I think SL is amazing. For the rest, watch your life fade away, health and social skills. I hope I can help one other person quit.


OnlyOneLife 2 years ago

Feelslikerain, your whole post sums it up perfectly. Couldn't have said it better myself, and I join you in your warning to others.


StrugglingSLAddict 2 years ago

I had to read all your posts, well the ones that had paragraph separations XD. I am both pleasantly surprised & horrified that there are so many with similar stories, some more close to my own than others.

I began with a few log in's a week, for perhaps a couple hours each in 2008. I had quite a few friends that spend 12 hours a day on SL, mostly from Germany. I just thought they liked the game.

In my past, I walked away from the addicting medication of pain management after a severe injury, much to the surprise of my doctor, who never saw any do that without a tooth & nail struggle. The drugs afforded me more movement & helped my recovery, when they were no longer needed, I stopped.

I would go to Vegas, spend my $20 in complementary money, then hit the shows, not spending a single dollar of mine at the casinos. So not having an addictive personality, I did not know there was such a thing as second life or gaming addiction. I would have been WAY more careful, had I known.

SL was not a problem until my sister lost her battle with breast cancer. Down the rabbit hole of SL I went. Perhaps my sister's death made me more vulnerable to this.

This damn social game did what nothing else could, it made me an addict. I am not sure what changed with my brain's neurons & synapses that is causing this. What I do know, is on my deathbed, I will regret the 5 years I've wasted in Second Life.

I read your posts and think “If I had kids & partner I would not get addicted to SL.” Then look around at my messy house & real life & think “Who the heck am I kidding, good thing it is just me I am destroying over the time spend in SL.”

Since SL I gained 40 pounds & type II diabetics. That did not get me away from SL. Desperately, I tried to avoid my SL “friends”, stop the SL activities that I enjoyed, gave up my virtual land, all thinking that if it is not fun, I will not log in.

I still log in! I rented an SL trailer & spent time putting furniture down, then spent hours changing the look of my AV. When I was done I asked “What is wrong with me that I keep doing this?” (My after log off remorse is bad.)

I will try removing my viewers & pray the servers at linden labs get struck by lightening.

One can only hope.


alone in life 2 years ago

I know it addict to this game my bf is that all he want to do is be on this game an are love life suck because of this game he say that in this game he is not in the real world.A it make me sick.


mewmew 2 years ago

i really want to destroy that game like i mean get rid of account to people who take it seriously,or maybe something a little more...


Flatpack 2 years ago

Recently I'd been spending too much time in SL and it was affecting my state of mind. But I like SL and don't want to give it up, so I've made myself a strict timetable that means there are 4 days per week when I don't allow myself to log in, and restricted periods on the remaining 3 days when I can log in - up to a maximum of 12 hours per week, which I will probably reduce to 10.

It seems to work well so far, and my real life seems more contented and SL seems more fun too.


Flatpack 2 years ago

In my post above is my suggestion for dealing with SL addiction for those who still enjoy SL and don't want to give up altogether.

But I was thinking how best to deal with a real-life partner's SL addiction. Anger and condemnation I think would be counter productive, because SL is obviously important to them and it's just likely to alienate them more. Better to say that you understand how important SL is to them, but that they're probably spending too much time / money on it.


Kim 2 years ago

I can never really forgive myself for my Second Life addiction. Some seven years ago I logged on just to find out what it was all about and got sucked into it, spending hundreds of dollars on my credit card that I shouldn't have. I was totally and completely consumed with it.

Looking back now, some part of me rationalizes my addiction from coming from an addicted family. My father was an alcoholic and my mother had psychiatric problems and was addicted to various drugs. They abandoned me as a young child and my grandmother raised me. I to this day believe I am more prone to addictions because of my history.

I drifted away from Second Life for a while and returned to it two years ago. I spent hours and hours on it, even during work I'd log in. I neglected one of the closest friends I ever had, or ever could imagine having, in my RL. I stopped visiting, I stopped emailing, I just became totally consumed in my Second Life life. My friend wanted to see me, asked... I just ignored the pleas and kept logging into Second Life. I didn't realize my addiction... it was a perpetual habit that I just kept engaging in.

A year ago, I was told my friend was sick with cancer. I was consumed with worry... but I could not reach out... I kept saying that I would... soon... then I would log into Second Life and nothing was on my mind but the game. I was completely engrossed in it.

Three weeks ago something in my mind said, call... call... call... it is time to call him... I once more pushed it from my mind as I logged into Second Life. I said, I'll do it soon... I'll do it soon... Last week I got the call from a mutual friend saying my dear friend had just died. I spent two more days logged into Second Life pushing the pain from my mind till the point I had a complete breakdown and I begged for forgiveness and swore I would never, ever log into Second Life again. I uninstalled Second Life from every computer I own, work and home, and now I have to deal with the unimaginable pain of what I've done and how I've treated my once beloved friend who had done more for me than I can ever write about here or have words eloquent enough to share with another so it could be understood.

I thought I would have more time.

I thought that I would have MORE TIME.

Now I will spend the rest of my life with the guilt of what I've done, what I've lost, how I must have made my friend suffer because of my absence. How can I ever forgive myself now? It is a journey of pain that I have gifted myself, but to feel sorry for myself is such a selfish and vapid thing, because I don't deserve to be felt sorry for what pain I brought.

I CHOSE to log into Second Life. I CHOSE to become engrossed in it, to push my real life aside and be the selfish little twit that I really am. Now all I can do is beg forgiveness every night and look at myself in the mirror and know the true type of person, of friend, that would push a dear, beloved friend away in their hour of pain and suffering to play a stupid computer game called Second Life.

If anyone is reading this and it strikes a chord in you, please, I implore you, run and delete Second Life from your computer. I am one week out of Second Life and I feel that I am emerging from a fog and the pain I have to now embrace is so overwhelming that I'm not sure what I will do or how I can handle it. I need psychiatric help to come to terms with what I've done.

How different it would be now in my life if I never knew of Second Life. I used to be loving, caring, compassionate, interested in others, of their plight and how I could help them. I turned totally away from RL, and I didn't have a bad RL really, when I logged into SL and got caught up in it.

It isn't Second Life's fault, but it is my own. I am totally and completely to blame.

If you see any of this in your life, please, please get rid of it.


Ms.13 22 months ago

I have an SL addiction story to share too... I am married and used to just go onto SL to roam around and appreciate the beauty of it. I made a few friends but nobody I ever hung out with regularly, particularly since I was married. Then I met "Don" ( also married in RL) and he changed all that. We were on every night together for at least a couple of hours. While neither of us was on as long each day as some have posted, it became very habit forming for me. Don was also on a whole lot of other times I was not. Long story short, we met in RL as we only lived a couple hours away from one another. We clicked in RL big time. We both left SL and had a RL affair for a while. Then it got hard for him. He felt he couldn't risk it, so we stopped seeing eachother. We did remain friends on the phone though, and talked multiple times a week. We still loved eachother, but the physical affair was over. Then I found out he was back on SL having sex again. Even though our relationship was completely non-SL by this time, it cut me to the core. I wanted to go back on SL and be with him there again, but he would not let me. Said it would be too hard on him and he'd want to see me in RL even more than he already did. I tried really hard to be okay with him having sex on SL and still saying he loved me and was my boyfriend in RL. The breaking point came when he also told me he met somebody new in SL that he had feelings for, but that he still loved me in RL. Oh, and he loved his wife too. Let's not forget her! Also, whenever I signed on, he would blow me off to "chat with a friend". The worst time was the last time I tried to talk to him. He completely ignored me, probably to go have sex with his new girlfriend. I called him up the next day in RL and told him I couldn't take it anymore. I told him either spend time with me in SL OR stop being on SL completely.

Well, he chose neither of those options. He is on SL with a new girlfriend, hiding it from his wife, and repeating history. As for me, I decided its too painful to continue on that game as the emotions from this breakup get the best of me. I deleted the game and my account. I decided to focus on RL and my husband, who fortunately is nothing like Don. Don is on there now wasting his time with a new woman. I don't know if and when he will ever stop doing it. I know he is lost to me.


Flatpack 21 months ago

An update from my post of 4 months ago, where I suggested the idea of a strict timetable for limiting one's hours on SL. I changed the timetable a bit and I proved to myself that I could keep to it but I have lapsed, perhaps a bit complacent in the knowledge that I can keep to the timetable if I force myself. I did discover that I enjoy my time in SL more if I limit it, but feel guilty and depressed if I break the limits to any great extent. I'll just have to try a bit harder - it does work but it requires willpower.


tony cinco 15 months ago

I wish the whole game would just crash and burn. I feel its the only way my wife will ever let it go no matter how much damage it does to our relationship. She has carried on online sexual relationships and she doesnt seem to grasp how hurtful they were. Though she seems to have stopped that aspect she will still spend more hours in game then she will spend time with me in real life. Fuck this stupid "game". I am nearly done with how much i will tolerate


Marion 8 months ago

Deleted my six year avatar and account. At least 1,000.00 spent. I had land, partners, friends. But it's not reality. Deleting freed me. I realized I was living a lie, lonely, that many people use the medium to lie. Why risk my own mental health or put myself out there for people who are messed up? The game (medium) is for shut ins and people who are messed up, so they may compensate for what they lack in real life. The sad thing is if you don't get out and live, really live, you will remain a fake in some virtual reality. Choice is yours to make: face yourself, flaws and all in real life, or continue to hide yourself and lie to yourself.

My avatar was me. But me meant being lonely, feeling my avatar was better than I am, it also meant not changing my real life, or not even trying to. I'm a recovering SL addict, thank God I found the strength to walk away, permanently .


Fortitude1 7 months ago

I think the points I may make/raise have been made in this blog. I comment as I have read all of these interesting and enlightening and really painful comments and it’s helped me - so thanks for sharing.

I came to this post- because of the length of time I have been spending on this game- it’s been about 2 months in SL and I needed to address that. I have been staying up late to the early hours of a morning (most on line SL communites are in a diffnt time zone), sitting on the computer for a weekend for 10 hours at a time, in RL thinking about my avatar, my profile, making more avatars, my look, excited to get home from work to go on the computer and struggling with the invasive, flirty, maybe even, if I admit it wanted online sexual comments/content. I’ve struggled with my own moral codes, as I have a serious long term honest RL relationship.

I am a very self-aware person (doesn’t mean I’m all together but I’m truthful with myself) and it means I am able to acknowledge and recognise reasons as to why I behave a certain way - that doesn’t mean it is easy to change or that I do .A particular comment made here early on was 'The fact is that the human brain can NOT decipher what is make believe and what is real- when all the human sensors are engaged and exited- aroused.. the brain perceives it as a real experience'. That best describes where I’m at and the type of person I am! I bring myself as a RL person in to SL.

I initially met a few people that I felt and still do were genuine, very helpful with designing my avatar, and understanding this game, and some remain SL friends (as much as you can know someone in this game on a short period - 4 weeks), others did not. I had to evaluate a positive –same page friendship with a male avatar (newbie like myself)- which made me sad, as he began looking for an online relationship - he just got sucked in to the game, I could see boundaries being crossed that I certainly couldn’t do, (from an emotional point of view and cyber-sex(yes it is sex! in my opinon)

The point I’m trying to make, in my opinion and short experience is that it seems some people can separate SL and RL, you have to know your motivations, what you will do or are willing to do (i.e. RL marriage but you’ll go to sex club/troll people, when in real life you’re not like that, skimpy outfits, good time dancing in the clubs, DJ, escorts, a dragon, a breeder, be a creator, be a rabbit, toddler, in a vampire clan, an explorer, a mermaid, a pilot etc. etc. etc.)

BUT if you are looking for some kind of RL (boundaries/moral codes/etc) in SL – which has maybe! been my basis in SL – this is hard to obtain! And if you are, you need to ask yourself why that is the case and what it will do to you if it does not deliver/or meet your needs and what lengths you will go to!

I understand this is a game visually very clever and imaginative with lots of worlds (I like this part very much). I believe for some people it works well enough a fantasy world and they shut down their computer and avatar. But for others it becomes a personal extension of themselves, a world where yes they can do/be what they want which is seductive, dangerous and confusing!


Flatpack 13 days ago

I thought I'd drop by again as I've posted on here occasionally over the years. My update is that I still log in to Second Life quite a bit and at the moment I'm going through an addiction phase, having spent most of the last few days either logged in or making textures in Gimp. I hasten to add that this is very unusual for me! It's not for a familiar reason such as a secret SL relationship or even because my real life is problematic. No, it's because I decided to update one of my favourite builds and also my avatar, which involves making my own textures, which in turn involves a fair amount of trial and error and is very time consuming. Still, that's done now and so I should really reduce the hours I spend in SL considerably.

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