100 Excuses to Get Out of Work and Other Stuff

Day of Relaxation...
Day of Relaxation... | Source

Everybody Needs an Excuse

Have you ever noticed that there aren't enough long weekends? Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Memorial Day, maybe Columbus Day and President's Day if you're lucky. For most people, three or four day weekends are months apart, and that's WAY too long to wait to have a day off! We all need some extra time off for various reasons - to go shopping with a friend, to go to the beach, to lie in bed until noon reading trashy novels, to watch the daytime soaps...there are SO many good reasons.

The old, “The dog ate my homework” excuse might have worked when you were a kid, but now that you’re all grown up, you need more creative excuses to get out of doing stuff. Everyone gets tired of the constant demands from spouse, boss, and plain old society in general. So here I am to save the day with some all-purpose excuses that will get you out of doing just about anything you don’t want to do. (You can thank me later.)

Funny Excuses, or Just Plain Excuses!

Here's the special, top secret list I've gathered together just for you - some great all-purpose excuses for why you can't work, can't clean, can't cook, can't write, can't diet and can't save money. Feel free to use them at any time. Use them with discretion as some only work once. Others are reusable if you work them right.

Cat Nap Excuse

Need a cat nap with your cat?  It's a good excuse!
Need a cat nap with your cat? It's a good excuse! | Source

Excuses to Stay Home From Work!

1. My horoscope says that I should not go out of the house today.

2. Can’t come to work today because my garage door opener is broken, and I can’t get the car out of the garage.

3. I'm seeing flashing lights and colors and everything is spinning. I think I'm getting a migraine headache. This has nothing to do with what I did last night!

4. I think I have Swine flu (Bird flu, Asian flu).

5. It’s snowing, and all the schools are closed. If school buses can't drive on my road, neither can I.

6. My power is off, and I can’t take a shower until it comes back on.

7. I had a bad night last night.

8. There's ice. I’m afraid to drive on ice.

9. I ate something bad at lunch, so I can’t come back to work because I have an upset stomach.

10. I have a family emergency.

11. My boyfriend (spouse, significant other) and I had a fight. I’m too upset to work today.

12. My furnace went off, and I have to wait here for the repairman because I’m afraid my pipes will freeze.

13. My pipes are frozen and I need to stay home to thaw them out.

14. My frozen pipes thawed out and broke, so I need to stay home to clean up the water that ran all over the place.

15. My frozen pipes thawed out and caused water damage, so I have to wait for the insurance guy to come over to appraise the damage.

16. I have to take my cat (dog, bird, rabbit, horse) to the vet.

17. I have a sick kid and have to stay home with him.

18. I have a sick relative who's having surgery today and my family needs me at the hospital.

19. I lost my American Express card, and I can't leave home without it.

20. I heard a noise under my porch this morning and when I went to investigate, I got sprayed by a skunk.

21. I have really bad cramps. (This one only works for women, but can be used once a month at least!)

22. I was getting in my car and put my coffee mug on the roof of the car while I got my keys out. I got in the car before I remembered the coffee. Just as I was getting into the car, the coffee tipped over, spilled on my head and all over my clothes and coat so I had to go in to take another shower and change. SO I'll be very late. (This really happened to me.)

23. The dog ate my doctor's note excusing me from work for the last 3 days, so I'll be late today because I have to go to the doctor's office to get another note. ( I love this one!)

24. My in-laws are visiting and it gave me hives.



All Purpose Excuses for Not Cleaning the House or Garage

25. My favorite team is playing.

26.
The Play-offs are on TV.

27. The Semi-finals are on TV.

28. The big game is on TV.

29. It’s not my stuff in the garage.

30. The house/garage will just get dirty again.

31. It’s not my turn.

32. My foot hurts.

33. My vacuum cleaner bag is full and I don’t have spare bags.

34. The dog chewed through the vacuum cleaner hose.

35. Nobody will see it but me.

36. The kids will mess it up.

37. The pets will mess it up.

38. It's too cold.

39. It's too hot.

40. I need to answer my email first.

41. I need to finish this computer game first.

42. I have to finish my Hub first.


This Guy Needs No Excuse to Relax

Total Relaxation - no work today!
Total Relaxation - no work today! | Source

Excuses for Not Dieting

59. I'm getting a cold. Mom said to feed a cold.

60. I have low blood sugar and dieting makes me dizzy.

61. I will as soon as the Christmas cookies are gone.

62. I will as soon as the Easter candy is gone.

63. I will as soon as the Valentine chocolate is gone.

64. I will as soon as the Thanksgiving pie is gone…Aren’t holidays great?

65. It’s my friend’s birthday.

66. It's my birthday.

67. It’s my Mom’s birthday…well, you get the idea…

68. My family has to have lots of snacks in the house.

69. I can’t diet when I’m stressed out trying to write a Hub a day.


Great Excuses for Not Cooking!

43. I’m not hungry right now.

44. I’m too hungry and I need food now, so I’ll pick up a pizza.

45. We'll eat leftovers.

46. I’m on a diet.

47. The stove is broken.

48. The microwave is broken.

49. You cook so much better than I do.

50. My mother really misses me and I'm sure she meant to invite us to dinner. I'll call her.

51. I forgot to thaw out the meat.

52. My pans are dirty (see excuses for not cleaning).

53. I don’t have all the ingredients I need.

54. There isn’t time before I have to go to my meeting,

55. I’m too tired from attending the meeting.

56. The dog ate the roast. (Damn dog!)

57. I have to finish this Hub first.

58. I was going to go grocery shopping while I was out, but I forgot my customer appreciation card, so I couldn't buy anything on sale so I decided to go later, but I didn't have time. So there's no food in the house and we have to go out to eat.


And for you Writers: Best Excuses for Not Writing!

70. It's too noisy.

71. People keep interrupting my work and distracting me.

72. I'm too stressed.

73. I have to cook dinner first.

74. I have to clean the house first.

75. I have to clean the garage first.

76. All the good ideas have been taken.

77. My computer is frozen.

78. I need to have time to relax.

79. I can't write under pressure.

80. I can't write unless I have a deadline.

81. My kids keep me too busy.

82. I have to read my Followers' Hubs.

83. I'm not inspired.

84. I'm doing the 30 Day Challenge and this month has 31 days, so I don't have to write today.


Great Excuses for Spending Money!

85. I'm depressed and buying a new outfit will cheer me up.

86. I need new shoes for my new outfit, and these great shoes are on sale.

87. It's my birthday.

88. I have to take my friends out for dinner on their birthdays because they always take me out.

89. I saw this juicer on the shopping channel and I know it will save me money to make my own healthy vegetable juice.

90. I'm feeling fat, and these new pants make be look thinner.

91. I'm stressed out, and I need Godiva chocolate to make me feel better.

92. All my clothes are out of date.

93. I'll go on an austerity budget after the holidays, but now I have to get some nice gifts for my friends (and maybe a little something for me...)

94. My new credit card charges no interest until 2016. I can pay it off before then!

95. Going to the Super Bowl is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

96. I really deserve to go on a cruise because I've been working so hard.

97. If I had a Kindle, I could read the latest novels anywhere.

98. A new Apple Watch would make my life so much more fun.

99. My HubPages payment came today, so I can buy myself something nice - and I deserve it!

100. My Hub on Bluebirds won Hub Of the Day, so I deserve a reward.

Make Up Excuses?

Do you make up excuses to get out of doing stuff you don't want to do?

See results without voting

Bonus Excuses to Get Out of a Speeding Ticket

I know I've already given you 100 great excuses, but here are three bonus excuses that were actually used by my husband's aunt to get out of speeding tickets -- and they worked!

1. I REALLY, REALLY need to get to a bathroom quick.

2. (Hold foot on accelerator with other foot on brake pedal.) My accelerator is stuck (press on the gas pedal while car is in neutral) and I was trying to slow down, but I couldn't. Thank heavens you're here officer. Maybe you can help me. ( Reach down and fool with the gas pedal. ) This works better if you're a female and helpless looking.

3. I couldn't be going 70. My cruise control must be off because I had it set on 65. I have to have it checked out.




So What's Your Excuse?


Come on - everybody has some favorite excuses. I told you mine, now let us in on your secret. What's your excuse for not doing stuff?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This article Copyright ©2011 by Stephanie Henkel

More by this Author


Comments and Excuses Welcome 60 comments

Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

This was a fun hub. I really like #19. Here is one for dieting: If I don't eat it it will go bad and I hate to waste food.

Cleaning: Why dust it will just come back again tomorrow.

I've used your #1. to get out of a ticket :) It actually worked.


Jokylu profile image

Jokylu 5 years ago from Waratah North, Victoria.

Stephanie, I loved this hub, you have put such a lot of thought into it and I really like your easy style of writing.Looking forward to reading more of your hubs.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Susan - I can't believe I forgot the "if I don't eat it, it will go bad" excuse! I've used it myself!

Haha...getting out of speeding tickets is a lost art! Thanks for the reminders and thanks for stopping in to comment!


femmeflashpoint 5 years ago

LOL! I loved this! And the photos (as Lethal Leprechaun often says) are "bang on!"

I especially loved the Best Excuses For Not Writing section. Sadly, so many are often exactly what runs through writers' minds, lol.

Great job on a fun read!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Joyklu - Thanks for stopping by to read my hub and for commenting. Since I always have a ready excuse, it was so easy to write! :)

Femmeflashpoint - Glad you enjoyed the hub and photos! My cats set great examples of the value of a cat nap. I know I've used a bunch of the excuses for not writing myself -- gotta stop that! Thanks for stopping by and for your support!


kashmir56 profile image

kashmir56 5 years ago from Massachusetts

Thanks i enjoyed reading this hub,i would never use any of those excuses but i enjoyed reading them .


diogenes profile image

diogenes 5 years ago from UK and Mexico

I haven't done bugger all today, but my excuse is genuine, arthritis in foot! Ow!

Of course, if I hadn't put off my diet with one excuse ot other I wouldn't have high purine in the blood and a sore foot, so it serves me right.

I would have liked to have left a better comment, but I am in a hurry, because.....Here we go again! Good farticle Bob


randomcreative profile image

randomcreative 5 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

The cat picture cracked me up. I always give my cat a hard time when she greets me with a big yawn when I come home, as though she was the one who was out working hard all day. :)


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Kasmir -- Haha, Kasmir, I'm sure you would never use any lame excuse to get out of work or anything else! Thanks for stopping by to comment!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Randomcreative - Glad you enjoyed my cat pictures - my cats definitely know how to relax! It sounds like your cat does too! Thanks for your comments!


bwhite062007 profile image

bwhite062007 5 years ago from East Coast

This is great! I could really use some of these excuses. You have a great sense of humor. My boss is a hard one to crack though, but maybe the skunk one will work. LOL! Voted up.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

bwhite - Well, if you use the skunk excuse, it might be good for a couple of days! Thanks for your comments and your vote!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Post-Menopause- You'd have more time if you'd just use some of these great excuses! :)


ehasert profile image

ehasert 5 years ago from Mesa, AZ

I loved the skunk one! You are the funniest friend I have out there! Thnx for making my morning happy. Keep writing - it is a lost art now too!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Hi Estelle, I can't think of anyone I'd rather hear laugh than you! Glad this made you smile, and thanks for stopping by!


Simone Smith profile image

Simone Smith 5 years ago from San Francisco

Hahaa, these are AWESOME!!!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Thanks, Simone... even though I know you NEVER use excuses to get out of stuff!


injurycase 5 years ago

Since it is your birthday you really deserve a good reward of excusing from your busy day instead celebrate it by doing what you want to do. Your hub is very humorous.Thanks!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Injurycase, Thanks to you and all my friends who have convenient birthdays that give me an excuse to eat cake and get out of doing stuff I don't want to do. Thanks for stopping by to comment!


ubanichijioke profile image

ubanichijioke 5 years ago from Lagos

Ha ha ha, i enjoyed this. Funny excuses. Lol. Great work and thoughtful. Here is mine 'i can't come to work cos am drunk' lol


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 5 years ago from USA Author

Hmmm...your boss might excuse you forever for that one, Ubanichijioke! :)


SanneL profile image

SanneL 4 years ago from Sweden

Ha ha ha!! This is too funny! # 57 is a regular excuse of mine! Lol!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

SanneL - Yes, I think most Hubbers use that one quite a bit! Thanks for stopping in to brush up on your excuses for getting out of work! :)


princesswithapen profile image

princesswithapen 4 years ago

Haha! This hub is a cheerful read. I hope everyone gets to read it except the people who work for me and the ones who I work with!

I am sharing it.

Princesswithapen


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Princesswithapen - Hahaha...it takes years of practice and research to come up with 100 excuses to get out of work! Plus, I actually heard a bunch of these from my staff before I retired! Thanks for the comment and the share!


FordeAhern profile image

FordeAhern 4 years ago from Broadford, Co. Limerick. ireland

I love them, so funny. Voted up and funny. Thank you.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

FordeAhern - Glad you enjoyed the 100 excuses to get out of work, and hope you found the list useful! :) Thanks for stopping by to read and vote!


mikeydcarroll67 4 years ago

Amazing! I love this hub and thought it was very funny!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Glad to give you a laugh today, Mikeydcarroll67! I know some of these actually work because I've used them! :)


billd01603 profile image

billd01603 4 years ago from Worcester

This Hub was very funny, I'm going to use some of these excuses!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Billd01603 - Enjoy your day off! :)


taw2012 profile image

taw2012 4 years ago from India

lol.........this is funny. Some of these are my regular excuses. Mostly i get caught but sometimes it works...any ways-nice work!!!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Taw2012 - Hmmm...sounds like you know a few tricks...maybe I should have asked you for some excuses! :) Thanks for the comment!


clintonb profile image

clintonb 4 years ago from Adelaide, Australia

Hahaha! thats a damn funny hub!!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Clintonb - Glad you enjoyed the hub ...hope you found some useful excuses for tomorrow - it's going to be too nice to go to work! :)


kingphilipIV profile image

kingphilipIV 4 years ago from Iloilo, Philippines

All of those reasons are very cool to use.. Maybe I should try some of these reasons next time.. lol.. I really love your hub..


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

KingphilliIV - I'm sure there are some useful reasons listed to get out of just about anything! :) Glad you enjoyed my list of 100 excuses to get out of work!


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Steph,

Great hub, this was cracking me up the entire time! It was a riot! I enjoyed the ongoing excuses with the frozen pipes. I also enjoyed your last section on writing, clever addition! :)

I will be linking this hub to the one I publish later on this afternoon, "35 Funny Excuses To Get Out Of Something".

Have a great day Steph, and take care! :)


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Josh3418 - I'm glad that you got a laugh out of my 100 excuses to get out of work hub! It's fun to write a light piece like this, and I've actually used some of these excuses! :) Thanks for linking it to your hub - I'll be on the lookout for it!


josh3418 profile image

josh3418 4 years ago from Pennsylvania

Steph,

You are welcome, and I am sure you had a blast writing it :)

Josh


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 4 years ago from New Zealand

That's how I got here and I am glad I clicked the link on Joshs hub. This was too too funny. Made me laugh.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Pennyofheaven - I'm so glad you found your way here and that my hub made you smile! Thanks for your comments!


lezsaysit profile image

lezsaysit 4 years ago from New York, NY

Wow! LOL! Useful and entertaining.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Lezsaysit - Glad you found some useful suggestions for getting out of work! It's always good to have a ready-made excuse! :)


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

Funny tips- I don't like getting out of stuff but sometimes it is necessary. Some of these are too ridiculous- your horoscope won't let you go since you'll have a bad day :)!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Alecia Murphy - Obviously, you are just a very responsible adult! My horoscope has been correct on more than one occasion - why take chances! :) Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!


Martin-ddp profile image

Martin-ddp 4 years ago from Ireland

Great Hub it was fun to read


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Martin-ddp - Glad you enjoyed my hub on 100 excuses to get out of stuff! Thanks for stopping in to read and comment!


securityproducts3 profile image

securityproducts3 4 years ago

haha this was really funny, but actually hit close to home on more than a few! Great Hub!


Claims-Advice profile image

Claims-Advice 4 years ago from London

You missed out food poisoning!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Claims-Advice - Son-of-a-gun! I did miss food poisoning! And what a perfect excuse that would be! Thanks! :)


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Securityproducts3 - Glad you enjoyed my excuses to get out of work! Thanks for your comments!


Daisy Mariposa profile image

Daisy Mariposa 4 years ago from Orange County (Southern California)

Stephanie,

You have some laugh-out-loud items on this list. I really enjoyed reading it.


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Daisy Mariposa - Don't remind my old boss, but I actually used a few of these! :) Hey, the one about the garage door was true!


amymarie_5 profile image

amymarie_5 4 years ago from Chicago IL

Ha! This hub put a smile on my face! Love the excuses to spend $$$$ best!


JayeWisdom profile image

JayeWisdom 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

Delightful hub, Stephanie. I laughed myself silly as I went down the lists.

Several years before I retired, I remember taking a hair dryer to work with me one day when the electricity on my block went off AFTER my shower/shampoo, but BEFORE I got a chance to dry my hair. I got a lot of strange looks when I walked in the door at work, but just said, "Power went off," went into my office, closed the door and proceeded to use the blow-dryer.

Excuses would not have helped me in those days. While I tend to believe no one is indispensable, my boss wanted me to call into the office every day even when on vacation! I tried taking a second week off from work after one of my surgeries, but had to be available via email, phone and Blackberry text (which was still new) to everyone who "needed" me all week long, and probably worked as many hours as I would have without sick leave. The only difference from being at the office was that I was in my pajamas. Don't ask me how I managed to recuperate! (Or, did I?)

Do I miss those days? I did for the first year, but no longer do--especially since I found HubPages.... Jaye


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Amymarie_5 - As a former shopaholic, I can easily think of excuses to spend money! :) Glad you got a laugh out of this!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 4 years ago from USA Author

Thanks for sharing your cute story, Jaye! Yes, it's nice to be retired and not have to think up any excuses not to work!


Vellur profile image

Vellur 22 months ago from Dubai

Enjoyed reading and my, my what excuses! Some are hilarious!


Stephanie Henkel profile image

Stephanie Henkel 22 months ago from USA Author

Vellur - Glad you enjoyed my 100 excuses-- perhaps some will come in handy! Thanks for stopping by.

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