A Day At The Beach When My Bipolar Mood Swing Was Not Being Nice

A day at the beach not to long ago...

I genuinely hate going off bipolar medications. It is the one time I get physically ill. I truly liked taking Wellbutrin prescribed for depression. However, it was causing some exceptionally unpleasant mixed bipolar episodes. Besides, antidepressants have never been all that agreeable for me anyway. I am bit fed up with the mood swings. I want to give them to someone who thinks bipolar is romantic and poetic. Someone who thinks it gives them a exhilarating personality. They can have mine, because I don't want to be the one hanging out on the clothes line all the time waiting to dry and never quite making it.

I don't have my little manic/mixed state going on, I have something far more sinister and omnious swirling around like a funnel cloud. I will wait fretfully for the meds to kick in, in the mean time I feel like deleting all my internet stuff, disappearing into cyberspace, stop pretending I am just a chip on the motherboard of life.

A beach outing this week with my family was NOT exactly the Disney channel. The beach is about families, coolers, sunburns, friends, food, surf, hot sun, and humidity even more smothering than hot sand. The lake is calm, cool, not to cold. The smell of cold beer and hot dogs, suntan lotion dripping, wafting through my nostrils. How many more times is that screeching mother of 15 going to tell her kids to stop throwing sand? Do you think If I threw sand back, I would have a fight on my hands? I am up for it. So what if she is my sister.

Go Swimming You Punks

The beach is NEVER relaxing unless you go alone. Kids to watch. People yakking while you are obviously NOT in the mood to answer back. Because your eyes are closed and your head is turned the OTHER way. And you have said uh-uh about 327 times already. Somebody is not getting the hint. Chattering is not relaxing. It just isn't. If you have to force yourself to listen to somebody talk, you then have already lost the relaxation part.

Some young kids that I do not know, came up to me, and asked me if I knew my niece was swearing? I pretended I could not hear them. Shoo. I am relaxing. Or pretending to. There were seven of them, at least. They were wearing me down. Who cares if she is swearing. Go swimming you punks. My sister, next to me was rejoicing in this. " I am just her Aunt, she is the mother, leave me the hell alone". Stares, mouths agape.

I was getting ready to say something creative, or have some fancy confrontation with the mothers of those chatty little children. I just want to relax, tell your little children to go play, or bury each other in the sand or whatever. But no, I just laid there pretending I was on a beach somewhere in the south of France with naked people running around eating hotdogs and drinking beer. Oh wait that's the wrong beach.

The children continued to chatter, the mother's continued to yell at their kids for swimming out to far. I continued to pretend I was enjoying my relaxing day at the beach. Living life to the fullest is obviously not easy.

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Comments 15 comments

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 5 years ago from Washington MI Author

Hi lambservant, so glad to hear from you again. I use that phrase often when I am online to much, or when my bipolar tends to be ruining my life at any given moment. Thank you for reading and liking my comment.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 5 years ago from Pacific Northwest

Love the line "I feel like deleting all my internet stuff, disappearing into cyberspace, stop pretending I am just a chip on the motherboard of life."

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

Hi lambservant, I totally agree-antidepressant are not always a good thing for those with bipolar. I have never had good luck with them. They nine times out of ten caused extreme manic or mixed episodes for me. However I finally found one that has been working really well for my OCD symptoms without causing mania or mixed episodes. That is Zoloft.

It is a double edged sword unfortunately. Being manic depressive it it hard to treat both with just one drug most times. But I there are new and improved medications coming out that are really helpful so we don't have to take the antidepressants.

lambservant profile image

lambservant 6 years ago from Pacific Northwest

I have done a lot of reading lately where experts say that anti-depressants are not good for those with bipolar. It might be worth your time to go on the internet and check it out.

Thanks, good informative hub.

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

Well thank you Tony for reading and leaving such a thoughtful comment. When I get down I try not to isolate myself. I am not always successful. The mixed cycles I have with bipolar can be pretty intense. Going to the beach with screaming kids and and even louder adults probably wasn't such a grand idea. LOL! Thank you Tony :)

tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

Wow! What a horrible way to have to spend time. I have depression but am not bipolar, so I know the downside! And things can get really on top of one in that state. I have buried fairly frequently.

Thanks for posting this interesting article.

Love and peace


crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

kaltopsyd-I try to keep a sense of humor about it. Not sure if that comes through or not :) I am glad you enjoyed reading it. I am finding if I go at certain times I can grab some relaxation. If I learn to say NO to the kids (niece, nephews, cousins) that is even better. :0

billy-Thank you billy for commenting. I used to live in Daytona Beach and loved it. It was so open, and nobody really bothered you. Here it is kind of everybody is in your business. You are so right about the water being calming, it is a godsend for me. I love it! It can fix a very bad day.

I appreciate you both for reading and leaving such kind comments.

billyaustindillon profile image

billyaustindillon 6 years ago

Your hub are very eye opening and very helpful in understanding bi-polar. It is a great lesson in understanding what may be relaxing for some is stress for others. Growing up on the coast and surf I know what you mean by full on and it it can be very annoying when you want peace and quiet. I am glad you found some relaxing beach spots as the water can be a great calming influence.

kaltopsyd profile image

kaltopsyd 6 years ago from Trinidad originally, but now in the USA

You documented your experience in such an interesting manner. It was a great read. I hope you actually get to enjoy yourself and RELAX next time you go to the beach.

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

Thank you Benny, I take it one day at a time. I live a pretty good life. I follow a set of rules for myself, live a clean life, try my hardest to maintain even in the worst of times. I have a supportive family, good therapist and doctor, and try to enjoy my hobbies and live life. You are such a sweet man to leave such tender and caring comments. I am glad to have met you here on HubPages.

BennyTheWriter profile image

BennyTheWriter 6 years ago from Northeastern U.S.A.

Interesting experience! One might think the beach is nothing but fun and relaxation--that's not always the case. Especially when there are annoying kids AND annoying adults around...

In any case, I wish you the best of luck in managing Bipolar Disorder. I know it's not easy.

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

Hi Lisa,

I did delete some pages, but not all. I had to cut back, I was not able to keep up with myself. The good thing though you can start new stuff if you want. Blogs and facebook and stuff. I know what ya mean, even on meds you have bad days. people around you think the meds are mircle drugs. Hang in there Lisa :)

Lisa  6 years ago

I would like it very much if you didn't scrap your web pages. I did that and now I kinda of regret it. I'm am having my own battles with the ups and downs. I hate it when the people around me seem to think I should be "fine" as long as I am on my meds. this is so not true.

crazybeanrider profile image

crazybeanrider 6 years ago from Washington MI Author

Hi Minnetonka, I love the beach, I use to love in Daytona Beach FL. Now I live in a much smaller area with little beach access, so everybody is always at the same beach. I do have a place I can go to where there are fewer people and no kids. Sometimes it is just nice to go alone. Thank you so much for your comments.

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago

I so very much understand how you felt at the beach, bi-polar or not. I can't handle beaches that have tons of kids. I now found a perfect spot where there is little traffic. Usually there is only 1 or 2 other families there. It's quiet and I enjoy myself. Maybe next time you could go without sis and find a quiet beach just for you. Take care.

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