A Fat Man's Size Acceptance Resolution Part 2
I showed my tendency to fat early. Even so, I was not horrible looking or even incredibly porky. I was plump, but everyone made a bigger deal out of it than I think they needed... especially when I judge the old photographs. I was not that overweight and I was not the ugly pig everyone convinced me that I was.
There is no doubt that fatness is a family predisposition, especially on my father's side. Yet the family could be the cruelest of all. My mother tried to ridicule me into losing weight while paradoxically preparing 5,000 calorie suppers and exclaiming "Mangia, mangia!". And everyone from my grandparents on down kept telling me that girls wouldn't go out with me if I was fat. I wasn't even thirteen years old yet and they were concerned that nobody would marry me. Though I tried many diets of varying healthiness and with varying results, none of this made me lose weight permanently, and if anything, I just gained more.
My family was quite mistaken about my prospects for romance. My life - long string of adventures and affairs would shame a professional Lothario.
I think being fat has taught me some things about compassion. For some reason, people who would never make fun of the handicapped or of differing racial groups think it's okay to make fun of fat people. I would be a liar to say that it has never happened to me. I have walked past groups of young men (the most dangerous pack animals in the entire universe) and have been hooted at and called fatso... and worse. I could become very upset over this behavior or turn to fisticuffs, and truthfully, it is unnerving. But I just chalk it up to the insecure idiots they probably are and pray they will grow up before they kill someone.
Because I have been hurt and discriminated against solely because of how I look, I understand a little about the pain of being judged by one's appearance and the stereotypes that accompany that appearance. Consequently, I abhor all kinds of racism and I always try to view people foremost as individuals, because the pain of stereotypes is a nasty, searing one.
Of course, to be completely honest, I would rather be thin. If I were thin, clothing wouldn't cost so much. I could walk into any department store and buy off the rack. At my current weight, I must be creative and lay out some bucks to look decent... otherwise I just have to live in XXXL sweatpants and t - shirts.
I am not thin because it simply is not a priority for me to be thin. I do not believe I was put on this earth to look good, but rather to do good and to be good. And though I struggle sometimes and have a ton of baggage from hurtful things people have said and done to me in my past, I am learning to forgive and am confident that I am contributing something positive to the world.
Someday, I may even be a thin person. I have been thin before and I discovered this: Being thin doesn't cure depression and it doesn't protect from the hurtfulness of others. Thin people can feel insecure and thin people cry. The difference between fat and thin is just that: some people are fat and some people are thin and there are all kinds of variations on those physical themes. Nobody is perfect and nobody is entirely unredeemable. So celebrate life, celebrate yourself and pass the damn cheesecake!
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