A Grandmother I Never Knew

I wish I had met her but I never did. As a child I remember her picture up on the living room wall. Mom never said much about her and for some reason I never really asked. But I wish I had known her. Sometimes I imagine what kind of grandmother she would have been. Mom said she was 8 years old when her mom passed away.

That always made me sad. It made me sad to know that mom had to grow up without her own mom to spoil her like I imagine would have been the case. Without her mom to giver her advice, how did she do it? Life would have been so much better with a mom for a growing girl.

What kind of grandmother would she have been to me? I try to imagine through the only image I have of her. And, although I don't see that picture often, (my mom owns it) the image is still in my head. Was she funny? I don't know.

Was she a serious person? If so, perhaps I get it from her. I can be serious, so I'm told. But, I love to have fun too. What about my grandmother? Did she like to have fun? I only wish I had known her, but I never did. I wonder how smart she was? What kind of house did she live in? Where did she live?

If only I had asked. I need to ask now. I need to know the answers to these questions. My mom just turned 60 years old. I need to ask her all these questions. I need to ask her now. I'm not sure why I need to know. Is there a fear I have? What will it change?

If I did find out all this stuff about her, then what? What would I do with the information? I could share it with cousins at family reunions. I could try to figure out who among our relatives inherited her traits.

Does my mom bake bread because of her mom? I always assumed she baked because of my great-grandmother, my dad's grandmother. How can I long for something I never had? What kind of meals would she have cooked?

What kind of nickname would she have had for me? Would she have spoiled me rotten like my mom has my son spoiled? What would be her view on religion? What about politics?

What significant events did she witness in the past? Did she own and drive a car? I don't know. I feel like these are too many questions to ask my own mother. I don't know if she has many answers and I never want to make her sad over not knowing.

My mom just recently lost a sibling to cancer; one of the sisters that took care of her when her mom passed on. I think this is what reignited my curiosity. Nevertheless, I will begin to find out.