A Sober Look at "Drunk"

A Drinker's Buffet
A Drinker's Buffet

Warning: Totally Void of Political Correctness

Booze. One of very few legal & easily accessible drugs.

I'm well-aware that "drunk" has more acceptable terms like, "intoxicated," "under the influence," "tipsy," "inebriated," and several I've not mentioned. It's just that "drunk," is the most commonly used and certainly needs no formal definition.

Please note my WARNING above. Quite simply, there are times when Political Correctness is not only unnecessary, it's best to be ignored entirely. This should be easy to read and understand. I use no complicated explanations nor unfamiliar terminology.

As Sgt.Joe Friday always said, "Just the facts, Ma'am, just the facts." There is absolutely no reason to complicate a very simple topic.

My Lady can Chug with the best of them
My Lady can Chug with the best of them

How Many Different kinds of "Drunk," are there, anyway?

This may not be the sort of major philosophical question most people normally concern themselves with or spend valuable time discussing.....but let's face it, it could be educational. More than this, it may be fun.

Most facts about alcohol are not exactly funny, but people who regularly & overly imbibe can be quite funny. Choose your own translation of "funny." Far be it from me to tell you what to find amusing.

As you're conjuring up scenarios of times past, allow me to present a few of the diverse states of drunkenness I have witnessed first hand.

"I don't know what he said, but it must be funny."
"I don't know what he said, but it must be funny."
Oops!  WHO pushed me??
Oops! WHO pushed me??

The "I'm a Comedian," state of drunkenness

Surely you know people who have a special knack to make us laugh. Drunk or sober, these people are just plain funny. With a couple of drinks helping you loosen up, it's easy to laugh at just about anything. Know what I mean? Unless everyone else is knocking 'em down at your rate of speed, bursting into laughter at nothing, will garner you some weird looks....and you don't even care.

It's time for your best Eddie Murphy impression. Someone lied to you once and said you are really good at mimicking his stand-up routines. Of course, you believed him. You were drunk. Truth was the least of your concerns. It's time for fun and loads of laughter. C'mon, it's party time.

You're laughing, they're laughing, a fresh round of drinks is on the bar & your audience awaits the next joke.

Damn, the drinks go down easy and the crowd yells for more....more booze, more Eddy, more laughs. Drinks number 6 or 7 are beginning to cramp your style. Speech a bit slurred, gestures getting sloppy.

Your audience looks fuzzy and their focus is.....well, they really have no focus. You must be getting funnier because the laughter's become mass hysteria.

Hold the autographs, my friend, because our boozing-buddies are about to call it an evening. You all stumble to the parking lot, still giggling and hugging each other, while you rave about the "great time tonight."

Your guardian Angel gets you home, once again and you crash, on the first piece of furniture you trip on.

Until next time, Wow, that was fun.

The "My life sucks," Drunk

You know about crying jags. Oh Lord, woe is me. A few innocent cocktails and the band starts playing music-to-commit-suicide-by.

I hate to say this, and realistically it's needless to say, but women have the majority of this kind of melodramatic drunk.

Although I have no patience for "Politically Correct," bullcrap, I do mean to clarify that I refer to the altered states of mind....not to an individual. No, no name-calling.

In this particular state of drunk, booze has a tendency to deliver the blackest of black clouds and dump it directly above your bar stool.

Slowly but surely, you become enlightened to the fact that nothing in your life is worthwhile. Nothing ever works out quite the way you'd hoped.

Your boss is a jerk and you hate him. Your boyfriend just cheated on you for the 5th time....huh?( go ahead, cry....it is very sad to be stupid)

You have your standard list of unbearable struggles and woes. Your parents like your brother best, and treat your sister better. You are under-paid, under-loved and misunderstood.....sob, sob, sniff, sniff.

This "my life sucks," drunk ultimately leads to the poor, pathetic sipper found seated at the end of the bar........alone.......with a pile of wrinkled bar naps in front of them. Three empty popcorn baskets....a red nose and streams of mascara, as well.

NOT a pretty sight, agreed? Nonetheless, what can make us feel better than a good, hard CRY? I know! ..A hangover.......plus BLOAT caused by popcorn salt.

Are we having FUN yet?

The "I feel like beating the PISS out of someone," DRUNK

What's a night of frivolity and friends without a good old-fashioned barroom brawl? I can't think of a thing.

Be assured, it's not out of the question. In fact, at least 50% of the time, you can count on it. The individual working diligently on this type of drunk is easy to spot.

They're usually The Lone Ranger.(Tonto joined A.A.) He will do shots, in quick succession, always slamming the glass with a purposeful BANG, wiping dribble with his sleeve. The girls love a sexy, suave hunk.

This guy hates everyone and has no intention of going home without some cuts and bruises, on someone's body....not his.

You may notice this gentleman mumbling curse words into his drink and casting satanic glares. These are aimed at the unsuspecting fellas, watching the football game on flat screen TV. Their cheers and applause serve to piss-off Mr.Tough guy just a bit more.

There are tricks of the trade this dude will display. He'll direct lewd comments at some guy's date, or accidentally-on-purpose shove one football fan into another.

However, if this fails a few times, this type of drunk seems to bring with it an unending supply of tenacity. Suffice it to say, a rumble is guaranteed at this point of drunkenness.

Last call is also last chance....and our rough and tough buddy has snatched up his prey.

The damsels all scream, as Goliath drags David off to his doom. Punches are thrown and victims go flying. There's spitting and cursing of would-be heroes.

What's that sound? Oh, just the cops pulling up to a screeching halt. This is excitement......the bully is proud.

He's also been cuffed and stuffed into the back of the squad car. He knows the drill....almost as well as the cops know him.

The E.M.T.'s attend to the football fan's swollen eye and cut lip. The ladies run to comfort and hug their unwilling warriors.

I love a happy ending.

Talk to me Friend, I KNOW you've got something to share!

There are so many versions of "drunk," but alas, not enough time to describe them all.

I have faith in you and your views from the bar stools of the past (or even the present).

If you've never been a drinker, nor ever known what drunk looks like......if you claim to not know what the inside of a bar looks like.....I probably won't believe you, but I'll let it slide.

I'll count on the rest of you who may have a tale to tell!

Show us how intelligent you are!!

More by this Author


Comments 66 comments

fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 15 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Au fait.....Like you, I don't think that people who choose not to drink alcohol are missing much at all. Quite the contrary. Of course I have no problem with what people enjoy doing, but I do have the choice to not be "around' them if they become obnoxious.

I've been known to come up simply "missing" from a get together or social function. "I've seen & heard enough. Good Night."

I learned my lesson. At a family BBQ, my cousin's "boyfriend," so to speak, slobbering drunk, audibly insulted my cousin. She is totally sweet and non-confrontational. I suppose I needn't tell you, I am neither. I lit into that JERK like a crazed female ape.....My husband (while laughing) literally had to gently walk me away and calm me down. Speaking of "realizing" we don't want to do something...it was then I realized that in the future, I would walk away from such garbage. Why get myself into such an emotional dither due to some IDIOT! (Good news...soon after, my cousin saw the light & sent her drunk packing) LOL....Thanks Au fait. You're one of the wiser women!


Au fait profile image

Au fait 15 months ago from North Texas

I don't think I've ever actually known anyone who got into a drunk where s/he felt sorry for him or herself, but I definitely recognize the other 2. When I lived in Wisconsin it was out in the sticks. Most towns had 2 or 3 taverns but only 1 church and one grocery store. There were also taverns scattered all through the countryside. I could write a book on this subject.

I haven't drank any alcohol in over 20 years and before that it was pretty seldom. Have never liked it and one day I asked myself why I was doing something I didn't like. Stopped drinking alcohol then as I decided that I wasn't going to do something I disliked so much anymore. If other people want to drink it's OK with me, but I don't. There's just nothing in it for me. I've gotten to where I just don't want to be bothered doing things that I don't like just to fit in,

You've certainly described your characters well. I've seen what the ones who want to fight do. Where I'm from a entire carload or 2 or 3 of guys like that would get together and go barhopping. Hard for me to respect grown men who behave that way.

Well done.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 17 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

sunflowers......I've heard some grizzly stories about what "friends" do to friends while they are passed out or pretending to be! Scary!! LOL

Then there are those pathetic ones who really ARE passed out!...

Thanks for stopping by.


sunflowerforests profile image

sunflowerforests 17 months ago from The light in the forest of doubt.

Damn straight! That was entertaining...lol. Seriously, I've never been to a bar, other than it was there in a restaurant that I was eating in (and those don't count!). But drunk...I have been. What about the "Let's pretend I'm passed out" drunk? I've caught some tigers by their tales all while pretending to be passed out. It's amazing what people will do when they think you're passed out. Oh boo...maybe I'm just joshing you?


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 17 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Well....MEN, beware of the "porn star" drunk......she's probably a plant paid to be there by your wife....to test your fortitude & devotion. This could result in the last time you ever drink with teeth in your mouth!


Insane Mundane profile image

Insane Mundane 17 months ago from Earth

What about the "I'm a Porn Star" drunk? You know, the type that thinks everybody (of either sex) in the room/bar (wherever) wants to jump their bones after they have a few drinks. Ha-ha!

This was an entertaining Hub... Cheers!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

PDXKaraokeGuy....I recall that comedy bit Cosby did. He's the master at "funny." Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your interest in my hubs!!

neny.....We all know one or several. It is rather curious how they can justify missing out on whole days of their lives! Thank you for your comment.

sgbrown....I can only imagine some of the seriously unpleasant memories you have of your childhood.....and it's sad to think about. Seems it made an enlightened and strong person of you. That's a good thing. So glad you stopped by. I welcome your comments anytime.


sgbrown profile image

sgbrown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

I grew up with two drunks, my parents. I cannot tolerate a "drunk". I don't mind, and will myself, have a drink or two, but I know my limits. I wish other people did as well. Drinking has become a major problem with young people and they don't reailze what danger they are putting themselves in as well as the danger to other people. I won't rant here... :) Great hub, both funny and interesting. Have a great day! :)


nenytridiana profile image

nenytridiana 4 years ago from Probolinggo - Jawa Timur - Indonesia

I know some drunker, and I feel sorry about them and their family. They trade a hole month of their life for a minute of 'happiness'. Good writing fpherj48. Thank you.


PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

PDXKaraokeGuy 4 years ago from Portland, Oregon

this is great... it reminds me of Cosby's sketch about drunks and drugs :-)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

pedrn44....Thank you so much for the kudos. I am humbled.

Having known every type, shape and form...the reality is, I've come to the conclusion that the ONLY people who get a "pass" to alter their brain with booze (or any like-substance) are those who drink as little as 4oz......and then fall immediately into deep sleep...till the next day! Those poor babies can't do much harm to themselves or anyone else. lmao. Thank you for stopping by and for your input. I always appreciate it.


pedrn44 profile image

pedrn44 4 years ago from New Berlin Wisconsin

This is a great hub. You have a wonderful sense of humor and I like your writing style. I too have experienced all the "drunks" mentioned. I prefer the "happy" drunks. My personal experience has been that of the "happy dancing" variety.I had a relationship with a guy who just didn't "get along" with Vodka. Total personality change. It wasn't pretty or easy to deal with. Some people just shouldn't drink or should at least know "When to say When". Thanks for sharing.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

WOW....it happened again!! You HAVE been talking to my hubby, haven't you!?....no, wait, I'm sorry....what he says is that my common sense should come with a warning label. OK, Phew! I feel better now.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

I was laughing outloud and I normally don't do that unless I'm drunk; five years of sobriety and I've lost the ability to make a complete ass out of myself. How will I ever survive? Stay tuned and find out. Great hub and your sense of humor should come with a warning label.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Please, JenJen, although I understand what you mean to convey....you must embrace your OWN efforts, struggles and stamina.....Who was it that chose to go to God and AA and accept their help and support?


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A.

Someday, I will definitely write some hubs about my drinking days. I can only give credit where it is deserved, and that is to God and AA.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

JenJen...You are to be commended, friend. I'm sure you could add significantly to my story...but I prefer you tell your own of sobriety and success!! You're a lovely young woman with so much to offer....I am thrilled for you that you have "risen above."


JenJen0703 profile image

JenJen0703 5 years ago from Cereal City U.S.A.

I love your hub! I am a recovering "drunk" and remember many sad stories I could tell, but won't, and heard many more stories around the tables of AA over the years. Being a "drunk" and not in recovery just plain sucks. Voted up, useful, and funny!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Ah....."safety!" I will be reading your hub. It has become a bit safer on the roads due to the stricter DWI laws...and this is a good thing.


zzron profile image

zzron 5 years ago from Houston, TX.

This was really cool and so true. I still enjoy an occasional beer from time to time when I'm not at work. I don't think it's possible for me to get drunk anymore since three seems to be my limit.

I can make three beers last several hours in the evening at home watching TV or a movie. I learned my lesson years ago. Getting sick and throwing up I decided was not my idea of having a good time. I have a new hub similar to this you may be interested in, it's more of a public service announcement for safety during the holidays.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

PeanutButterWine...& stylezink..(Here's a TEXT:) Meet for coffee. Village Cafe 2 a.m. Want to laugh at drunks with egg yolk on faces, hiccups & slurring...witness them being cuffed for DWI, pulling out of parking lot. Sound like fun? See you there!


stylezink profile image

stylezink 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA.

Too funny..When I used to drink I could be any of these types you've listed. The day after being one of these personalities I felt so sick that I quit. Couldn't stand the hangovers. I laughed so hard when I saw, "Is everybody happy?" That's SO my mother-in-law. She's the happy drunk and actually says that when she's starting to feel her beverage. I've met so many of the my life sucks and beating the piss out of someone drunks, it may have also contributed to me not drinking. They are no fun at all!

Thanks for sharing this funny hub! Voted up!


PeanutButterWine profile image

PeanutButterWine 5 years ago from North Vancouver, B.C. Canada

Oops, Sadly, there's no delete for a bad humor Hub Comment,

I'll have to settle for, Loved the Hub, tried to be funny right back... but sadly missed my edit minutes :( and now, I have to live with a horrible permanent comment on a fabulously Funny Hub.

Note to Self: Lesson Learnt!

But; Woe is me..

However; Thank you so much for the laughs..! I So Loved the Hub, and I cant wait to read more ...


PeanutButterWine profile image

PeanutButterWine 5 years ago from North Vancouver, B.C. Canada

Note To Self; Have many funny, hysterical, amuzing (9s this a word? "Ask me when IMMM Sooober", crazy, (deadly, horrible , awful, horrific), Drunk alcholol infused stories are in MY vault = Kickass, can now write not only 30 Hubs in 30 days but TIMES that by a MSSSSSGSBILLION coz this shiznittle is neeever gonna end YO!

See next hunk.. i mean hub... juist kiiidsins ;)

Seriously, YO....

PS : That kick@ass hotness with the Fag hangin out his blowhole is a fine mofo Yo.. but is it really SHRIAZ coz I hearred his hotness was all used up.. yo...~!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

You have some wonderfully fascinating stories!! Thanks for sharing. I'm honored.


alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 5 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

I went with the '18-30 Holiday Club' to Ibiza back in the mid-late 70's when I was near the top end of their age range. The first and second time I sort of remember making a fool of myself. One night I couldn't find the way back to the hotel and ended up in a bar some half mile away asking directions in a mixture of Spanish and English. I still got lost. That was when I stopped off in an English-owned bar for a couple of Southern Comforts on the rocks. The measures we get here just about fill a couple of thimbles. Theirs were about a third of a tumbler! Next time I went I teamed up with a trio of English lads from different parts of the north. We went to Joe Spoon's Irish Pub in San Anotonio's 'West End', and danced to his IRA dirges, cracking one of his long tables between us. Ice cold Guinness didn't do my stomach a lot of good, either! Needless to say we stayed away for the rest of the week. The last time I went was a much more sober experience, with the person I married a couple of years later, watching the antics of fellow holiday-makers 'living it up'. A young woman behind me asked in a posh voice, 'Are they English?' She was just trying to disown them.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Well-said, alancaster!!


alancaster149 5 years ago

Seems to me a lot of under 30's drink because they think they should to be social and get put off the stuff in later years. Last time my Landie went piggy-back to the workshop the rescue truck driver told me he used to get drunk on just a couple of pints or less. A lot of youngsters here drink lager because it's a youngster's drink, and they're put off because they've gone OTT at an early age. You've seen the programmes on the box about Brits abroad in Cyprus or Spain etc., getting smashed nightly? No? You've saved yourself some valuable time, but seriously they're almost exclusively under 20's whose only experience of the bottle is through the neck. Take the time to let it go down and savour the taste, lads'n'lasses; pour it into a glass, it won't go away! But then you learn from your mistakes, don't you. Well, let's hope. You get to be more of a connoiseur as you get older, not so much of a connoi-sewer. Taste don't come with a ticket!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Sharyn......Glad you stopped by to have a soda and chat! After I wrote this, some friends and I had a long discussion about "the good old days." We laughed until we cried and came to the conclusion that our "Angels" must have had one heck of a time getting us through those days in one piece!! lol Glad you enjoyed this!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

I'd loved this piece. So wonderfully written. When I did drink excessively many years ago (in my early 20's), first I was the "funny, let's dance NOW drunk" not caring what people thought of me and then I would turn into the "oh my gosh, you and you and you are my best friend and I love you and you and you SO much" kinda drunk. Thank goodness it only took me about a half a decade to figure out that I really do not like alcohol and I could have fun all night long while only drinking Pepsi. Gosh, today, a free water will do and I can still have fun. No hangover, no puking, maybe just a stomach ache from laughing and having fun. Enjoyed this Paula!

Sharyn


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks a bunch!! Jobsworth, eh? That's a good one.


alancaster149 5 years ago

A 'jobsworth' is someone who takes his work too seriously, like a parking attendant or civil servant/council officer who stops kids playing games in case they hurt themselves. You worked out the other ones well enough. In my case the 'postie' was indoors, on 'processing' (sorting etc)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

For what I know about money...yours OR ours....it could be a bit under or over or equal. What I do know is that everything has become far more expensive than it could ever be worth. We've all made changes and alterations and cut-backs and what all ELSE we've done to keep the ole head above the water line! you know what alancaster?? I'm going to love going back and forth with you....some of your "English" expressions/terms are very facsinating to me! Let me guess please & you tell me if I'm correct or totally off base....OK? "readies" for diesel....readies is "spare change?" a "postie" is a mailman? (jobsworth? I give up.) "packed up work" Retired? hahahahahahaha this is fun!


alancaster149 profile image

alancaster149 5 years ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

I used to get smashed but that was a long time back. These days I drive, and I seem to use my readies for diesel. Still have a few pints of wallop a week, although my consumption's dropped since I packed up work (I used to stop off at a Wetherspoon's in the City on my way back to Liverpool Street Station from work late in the evening - being a postie is thirsty work)! Our neighbours north of the Border - beyond Hadrian's Wall - tend to hit the sauce bottle, their jobsworths are thinking of taking the Swedish route and putting up the price of booze where it hurts. It's getting that way here, too, with a pint of bitter @ around £3 or more in most pubs (that's a bit under $6, isn't it?)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

fucsia....The truth is....if we can be "funny" under the influence....we are probably FUNNIER with all our faculties. The issue for so many is that it is a learning process to come out of our shell. I appreciate your comment! Stop by anytime. I am always happy to meet another hubber!


fucsia profile image

fucsia 5 years ago

I was the "funny drunk." when I drank with my friends. Now I am the "funny sober" because I discovered that the sobriety is in any occasion better and even the funny things earn something if lived with a lucid mind.

Great Hub!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

saddlerider1....Ah...I get the gist. (I'm quick like that)...so, you are stopped in airports for your autograph, gawked at, swooned over and asked why you couldn't have played the James Bond role forever..I have no doubt. oo7 may have had all the women, but Sean has had the same one for years, hasn't he? Oh, and I must say, that son of yours, Indiana? He's a wild one! Did you never discipline the lad?

Motown2Chitown....eh??? What'd ya say??? Speak up girl, I can't hear ya, for Pete's sake!!


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

Oh, do! We also laugh a LOT and talk WAY too loud...lol


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I told Sean to stop posing as me, I'm no 007 but I told him any Scot who can't be a REAL man and drink his Guinness straight up instead of those woosy martinis stirred and not shaken, needs to give up his citizenship and come over where all the REAL mean are in Ireland.

He just laughed at me and told he I may look like him, but he has all the women and I told him yeah right, but at least us Irishmen don't slap em around:0) He could ney stop laughin and splittin his gut....he he he..


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

motown2chitown....So, you're from a long line of LOVERS and CRYERS? I wanna come to one of your family parties!! Thanks for stopping by! (It's the popcorn that kills us!)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

OMG..SADDLERIDER1...you are SOOOOOO funny! That little stinker, Sunshine...what a treat that woman is! Thank you,..I appreciate the sweet talk....despite the trouble I've gotten myself into, listening to and believing that dribble ..from many a handsome, vino-drinking darling. My parents, particularly my Dad were HAPPY, HAPPY, funny people. Our father could keep my sister & I in stitches constantly. Believe it or not, he even disciplined with humor (we knew the "difference" though, believe me) One of the things he did often was play the role of an inebriated guy....and we would roll on the floor. So your comment was bitter sweet for me....you made me laugh and also recall how much I miss him....and my Mom and my sister....God rest all 3 of their precious souls. I'm the lone-laugher left. Never fear though, I raised 4 incredibly humorous sons....(and the DNA continues) When my sons & I are in a room together, people start dialing for the Cuckoo Van to come and pick us up. Just one more thing saddlerider1....is that a pic of you or Sean Connery? You may resume your drinking now...


Motown2Chitown 5 years ago

What a hoot! Sadly, though, how true. I swear that over my lifetime, I've met 'em all. I don't do drunk anymore, but I know lots of folks who do. My family was filled with "I love you" drunks who become everyone's best friend after imbibing excessively...and lots of the miserable ones who wind up crumpling bar naps and bloating from popcorn.

Really like your stuff so far. :)


saddlerider1 profile image

saddlerider1 5 years ago

I started getting drunk reading this drunk's hub of yours. Hic-Up and went an poured myself another glass of my favorite red. You nailed the hammer on it's head and described drunkkkkks bery well, I'be seeeeen maaany in my timme when embiding at locall barrfs.bars and been in the witnesss box wathcing the types of drunkks you so cleverllley discribes here. I loved this humor and Eddie Murphy would invite you over for a drinkk to share your witt.

BTW: sunshine told me you had one heck of a sense of humor to and girl she wasn't lying..Loved it all...hicup can I go back now to my bottle of vino:0))))


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

hahahahahaha......DUMPING out beer? It really must have been some nasty stuff!!!!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

I tend to most often buy cheap beers like Natural Light or Milwaukee's Best.

I wouldn't say that I prefer those - it's just economics.

I REALLY like Texas' own Shiner Beers, and Shiner Bock is the most known one of those. It's one of only two or three true Bock beers brewed in the US.

Really, there's few beers that I don't like - but I don't like the ones with lime flavor added to them. Miller makes one, and Bud makes one - and I dislike either one of them.

True story: When Miller's lime beer was introduced (I forget the name of the stuff) - I bought a six pack, and drank three bottles (twelve ounce) - and then threw up six times.

That absolutely does not happen to me - except it did that time, and then the next thing, even stranger happened - I opened the other three bottles, and dumped them out.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

we should all have the problem of being too well-loved and desired!!! lmao! Tillsontitan.."younger days," bring back memories of all sorts, don't they? Mostly happy & positive and that is a GOOD thing.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 5 years ago from New York

I too had younger days ;) I began to stop all drinking when I became too friendly and my boyfriend (now husband) objected! I was the life of the party, singing on stage before there was karaoke and everybody loved me and one to many guys wanted to take me home! Loved your hub, as always, voted up and funny.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

wes...thanks for adding your comment. If beer is what assists in writing those fabulous hubs of yours, I say, "Set 'em up Joe, 1 for my baby and 1 more for the road!!" Hey, which is your favorite brand down there in Texas. Up here, there's a whole lot of Canadian Beer being chilled!!


Wesman Todd Shaw profile image

Wesman Todd Shaw 5 years ago from Kaufman, Texas

LOL!

I get drunk once or twice a year - maybe; but the thing is, I drink every single day that I'm able to. I just don't get a lot of ....sitting still and thinking about anything done without it (edit: I don't write hubs or talk to people online unless I have beer.)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Cogerson....We all had "younger & wilder days." Whether we CHOSE to end our carefree ways....OR, our bodies & minds left us with NO choice...can be our little secret. I remember a classmate at our 45th (who was one of the CRAZY guys)when asked if he would like a drink, he said, "I'd love one, but I'd rather meet the people I went to school with, sober, for the first time!" That pretty much says it all..lol


Cogerson profile image

Cogerson 5 years ago from Virginia

In my younger more wilder days I think I experienced all your drunks you listed...thankfully those days are way behind me. Now when I drink....I quickly become the sleepy drunk....as it puts me to sleep. A fun hub to read and remember my past. Voted up and awesome.


molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago

I'm glad to be here. Great writers and brilliant minds. I am happy I found hubpages including yourself.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Molometer...so happy to have you stop by! Thanks for the vote and compliment, as well. I am humbled and still sober. So glad to have you aboard.


molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago

Hi fpherj48 great hub and full of characters that we all know(on my 2nd glass of wine) It's a shame that people can't control themselves. Moderation in all things hey?

You have a nice writing style.

Voted up UI


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks purp-drag....What a financial genius! You could go out with 2 bucks and STILL drink! I love it!

Yes....you don't need to be too funny when there's liquid laughter being sipped! Here's to the Designated Driver.


purp-drag913 profile image

purp-drag913 5 years ago from West Michigan, USA.

I was the "flirt." As a young perosn I didn't have the money to pay for more than one or two dirnks. If I wanted more alcohol, I would tease, walk sugestively, (which was hard to do as I had no hips,) sit in the laps of men, and it usually it worked. On the down side, those "Goliath's" would always seem to start fighting right next to me. They could be argueing from the other side of the room, but when the fists started flying.... Now that I'm older, I've found that it's simply easier to stay sober. My drunk friends are easy to entertain, as I don't have to be all that funny, but they're falling off their bar stools in laughter.

Great hub, fpjherj48


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Dexter....I believe YOU have never been drunk.....my reference to NOT believing is to anyone who would attempt to claim they've NEVER experienced or been exposed to the world of DRUNKENESS...ever. Surely we've all seen some pretty funny/scary stuff. You're a GOOD boy, Dexter....and smart to leave your brain the way it is!! lol


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 5 years ago from Chicago

Excellent Hub. If I get drunk I get happy at first but eventually—if I keep going—I become a sad drunk. Luckily, I never had the violent syndrome. I am sure glad of that. I suppose it is best not to get drunk.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 5 years ago from United States

You HAVE to believe me! I have never been drunk. But I have seen your descriptions in a number of people! Something about the smell and vomiting turns me off.

But I am tolerable of the drunks that can tell good jokes while inebriated. I have heard some funny stuff!!

This was fun to read!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks Barb....I have a few friends who would have been right next to you.....years ago. They smartened up!lol I'm glad you enjoyed this


Barbara Turpin profile image

Barbara Turpin 5 years ago from N. California

You left me out!!!!! Ya' know the one......."OOMMMMGGGG, I'm gonna PUKE" drunk. I know her!!! My medication (!!) keeps me from drinking. When I could drink.... I could NOT even get a 2nd drink, even smelling it made be wanna PUKE! I was NOOOOO fun at all. Who wants pull to the side of the fwy so I could.....you know, PUKE!

Sorry to say, when my hubby was still a drunk (literally), he always wanted to "beat the piss" outta someone.

This was an awesome, fun to read Hub!! So perfectly TRUE in every sense of the word! You did good!! I voted 'everywhere!!!'


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Jimmy Buffett and Collin Raye BUT other singers use the saying within their songs such as Toby Keith WHO by the way has the #1 country song this week with Made In America :)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

That's my story & I'm stickin to it.....Country song, right? Who sang it, Country Music Lady?


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

I've also known trampy drunks and abusive drunks. I'm still sticking with me being a funny drunk:)


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 5 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York Author

Thanks GF.....At some point in our lives, I will guess, if we drank at all....and then drank TOO much....we may have passed for any NUMBER of Drunk types. That's the saddest part, Memory loss, right? Who knows? lol


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 5 years ago from Orlando, FL

Interestingly FUNNY yet sad!!! I haven't been drunk in a very long time but when I was, I was the "funny drunk." I've met and known several "my life sucks" drunks and "I wanna beat the piss outta someone" drunks. Just call me Sober Sunshine, getting drunk off of your hysterical hub!!

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