And She Was
Life is certain.
Even though we're losing jobs. Even though we're losing parents. Even though we're losing homes. Even though money is running out. We still have the time that matters. We still have people to lead and people to follow. In a sense we have all the time that there is. Right now. Right here. We just need to wake up and see it.
We need to not panic. If we squandered some of the time or made mistakes they don't matter anymore. Sometimes we need to embrace what we have and what we can do now and cast aside that which we can no longer do. It's never too late to twist our road in a brighter direction. We need to not place artificial pressures in a world that is already a pressure cooker. Take the long way home. We're on a road. It doesn't matter if we don't know where it leads.
Life has become chaotic. Yes. Things change while we long for simpler times and a world filled with more loved ones than it holds today. But we can't go back. And to enjoy what is left of the road we need to learn from the lessons we drove through in the past which led us to this point.
Time is on our side. We have a road to nowhere. Let's take that ride. It's going to be alright.
"But I don't want to be on the road to nowhere", you might say. And you might wonder why so much burden seems to fall on your shoulders And you might feel like you used to have more and now you have less. And you might feel like the world is changing faster than you can keep pace with. But really, if you reflect honestly, life has always been more about how you see it than having a quality of being one static thing of how it is. The 70's were no different than the 80's nor different than the 90's and on and on. Life is the same as it ever was. The clothes change and the people reshuffle. And there isn't much one person can do about it.
So you might want to ask yourself, "How did I get here?" You might exclaim, "My God! What have I done?!?"
"God what have I done to deserve this?"
Why do we feel singled out? We cling to our past security until it evaporates or is yanked away. I lost my mom and lost with her was a place I had considered home through my childhood. Now it doesn't seem like my house anymore. Damn it, this is MY house. But really, I guess it isn't. It's been a concept and a memory. What made it feel like my house even after I'd move out is gone. I do see that now. My mom is no more. It's because she's gone I guess and with her that promise that moms make to their kids; the one where you'll always have a home with her. But now she is gone and only the house is left. What used to be my home has become nothing more than a set of walls and floors. What did I expect?
My emotions are all stuck together and home is no longer recognizable. Its soul moved on with her. It is time for me to move on as well I suppose and accept that house was just a stop on this journey to nowhere. I have a house. My own house. That's where my road to nowhere leads from now.
My mom's house has burst into flames.
Life is certain.
Life *is* a road to nowhere but it's a shame if when you reach the end of it you didn't get much out of it. A shame if you didn't stop along the way and stretch your legs and let the sun warm your soul. A shame if you didn't fall down and skin your knee with a cursing fist shake at the sky a few times. A shame if you went too fast or too careless or judged the other drivers too harshly.
The road will come to an end and when it does I'm certain it was never about the destination. It was always about the journey and the moment and how you navigated through all the obstacles. As we near the end of the road to nowhere, some of us will shoot ahead while others will linger behind, like traffic.
What waits we aren't sure but I hope it's a place. A place where family waits. Something like what people call heaven. Where unlike the ride we just took with bumps and turns and loves and losses, there is a place to sit. A bar to saddle up to with a warm greeting from the ones who got there before us. Because if there is a heaven. It's a place you can count on. Where nothing changes. No surprises. That would be nice after a long journey. Maybe there will be a mug waiting for us at a table with company we've not seen for a long time. Too long.
A place where nothing ever happens.
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distazo: I waver, doubt Original Word: διστάζω Part of Speech: Verb Transliteration: distazo Phonetic Spelling: (dis-tad'-zo) Short Definition: I waver, doubt
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