What You SEE May Not Tell the Whole Story: Appearanes Can Be so Deceiving

"You can't judge a book by its cover. "

How many times have you heard that?

And no matter how time worn and cliché-likie it is, there is so much wisdom locked within those eight powerful words.

Looking at someone's physical appearance often tells little about that person.

Source

Many years ago I attended a woman's forum and a multitude of topics was discussed. One of the main ones was being proactive with our own personal health.

Gradually the discussion came around to cancer. The speaker said: 'Look in front of you, beside you, behind you. One in four of the individuals in any direction will one day battle cancer. Some who are here today already are."

Looking at those around me I saw no one who looked 'sick.' No one. And I found it a bit baffling that what our speaker was saying was true. How could that be?? I freely admit that I did not get it.

About 15 years ago I began to understand. When first my grandson was stricken with cancer. And a few short years later, his mother, my daughter began to feel unwell and after numerous doctor visits, she too was diagnosed with cancer.


Yes, Indeed. Angels ARE Around Us....

Looking at others in person or in photographs of others too can be deceiving. You may look at the person and think how healthy they look because they are thin and trim and seemingly in tiptop shape.

Again that too is misleading. Often someone who is thin is not healthy. It is from the devastation of some disease or medications or other drugs---illegal or legal (that should not be consumed at all).

Do not be deceived. Outward appearances do not tell the whole story.

Who Would Ever Guess that Someone in the Photo is Unwell?

Source

Trim and Thin, Cancer Trying to Claim Her...

Source

Just as those who are very thin are often heralded for their trim figures, many who are overweight are the object of much derision and criticism.

"What a fat slob. How could anyone get so fat? She must have no pride. And certainly no care about being healthy."

Again that can be deceiving.

There are medical conditions that cause weight gain and those who suffer from them find it next to impossible to lose weight. So once again it is on us to refrain from making judgments about someone by looking at their outer appearance.

There are those who are overweight due to poor eating habits and that is another story. But again for me to pass judgment on them is wrong.

And I refuse to judge someone on outer appearance.

My Momma always taught me to look inside of a person to find the loveliness and beauty that dwelt there. She added that, judging others serves no good purpose---and often leads to wrong conclusions and may cause us to miss out on meeting some truly wonderful people.

Source

Parking in Handicapped Spaces

Have you ever seen someone get out of a car who parked in a handicapped spot that did not LOOK sick?

There have been instances in my own personal experience where those walking by have made snide remarks about those in our vehicle as we disembarked.

"He doesn't look handicapped to me? What are you doing parking there? How did YOU get a handicap sticker?"

Yes, those words and worse have been hurled. Worse yet, because we are thick-skinned in our family and circle of friends, was to hear the same derisive remarks thrown at others as they made their way to the store they were visiting.

Often, just as with many illnesses, the person's handicap is not visible.

Our eyes deceive us yet another time.

Bring It On....

No One Knows Their Secret...

Source

Things are not always as they seem; the first appearance deceives many.

— Phadeus

Making Snap Judgments

Walking up to you is a shabbily dressed, unkempt individual. Dirty and perhaps a bit fragrant and not in a pleasing way.

What do you think?

Eeeew, no thanks, do not come by me.

Uhoh here comes someone, begging.

Not someone I wish to hang with.


Does our mind stop to process what we see or do we make a snap judgment in those situations?

Consider the following scenario...

Four ladies go to work at their church in the flowerbeds and around the property. They work for several hours ...it is hot and dirty work. When work is finished, the ladies decide to have breakfast at a nearby cafe.

Their appearance is unkempt--clothes are soiled, hair flying hither, thither, and yon maybe holding on tightly to a brittle leaf, and shoes a dull shade of brown from the dirt they moved across.

For those who may be seeing them for the first time a far different conclusion may be drawn about these same ladies than is actually true of them.

Would the saying....

You can't judge a book by its cover work here?

Pay It Forward.....No Judging Here

Can You Make Judgments About Others by their Shoes??

Interestingly enough studies have been done to determine if a person can be judged by the shoes they choose to wear.

One such study can be found on Medicaldaily.com , In this article which is found online by Research in Personality results are given.

There were 63 individuals who agreed to study the shoes and give impressions.

Some of the characteristics that were to be observed were: age, gender, social status, liberal or conservative, extrovert or introvert, emotional stability, openness.

They were 208 pairs of shoes used in this sample.

The results state that about 90% of such characteristics can be determined by observing shoes chosen. Those observers were quite accurate in guessing the characteristics that are cited above.

Among the conclusions of this study is that a person's shoes do reflect a bit of a person. And it seems that people do observe the shoes of others.

For whatever these results are worth, they can be deemed interesting.

One statement made in the report that I found revealing is that people generally do not choose shoes to display something that is untrue about themselves; shoes are generally not chosen to deceive others.

Here perhaps is one small sampling of how judging can be acceptable and perhaps non-judgmental.

Just so you know, however, I will not be judging you by your shoes when I meet you. And if you meet me and I am wearing my customary flipflops (you know they come in a wide range of styles these days), that you will not think I am 99% Redneck and 97% hippie. Truth be known, I am a bit of each.



Judging Others....

Whether we realize it or not, we do make judgments about others. I know I have in the past.

But a still, small voice within me, would say and still does,

'cancel cancel; you do not know that person; you do not know what is happening in their lives. So just stop it.'

And as a result, I have learned to leave that ugliness behind. As a result, I have gotten to know some perfectly lovely people that I had initially thought I had nothing in common with them.

My Momma taught me well....judging others leads us nowhere.


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Comments 63 comments

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 10 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for stopping ....making snap judgments about others can cause us to miss out on getting to know some really lovely people, breathing.

Angels are on the way to you ps


breathing profile image

breathing 11 months ago from Bangladesh

A very important post on our ugly mentality of judging others and that too in negative sense. We have hundreds of errors within ourselves but still but we are busy in judging others! That’s one of the main reasons of the debacles taking place in the modern society. We should always try to take care of our mistakes first. Also we should try to judge others only if we are confident that there is a problem within that person and we can help that person with regards to that problem in any possible way- physically, mentally, financially etc. Then we can make the society a better place.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for your thoughtful words, Sylvestermouse

While they are not well they are on the planet. And we continue to embrace each day as the wondrous adventure it can be.

A little thing like Cancer will not slow us down!!!

I do appreciate your visit

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


Sylvestermouse profile image

Sylvestermouse 21 months ago from United States

Everything you said is completely true! I, myself, have had initial impressions of people that were proven to be completely wrong with time and additional encounters. You never, ever know what is going on in the life of a stranger that will affect they outer appearance.

I sincerely hope and pray that your grandson and daughter are well and fully recovered.

Thank you for the gentle reminder to be kind at all times. We never know when we are entertaining angels unaware.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Yes we just never know who has a hidden medical condition that we are unable to see. Judging others leads to nothing good.

thank you for visiting, Marlene.

Angels are once again on the way to you ps


MarleneB profile image

MarleneB 21 months ago from Northern California, USA

I totally agree with your thoughts. I believe no one can really know what is going on in someone's life. Sometimes, just looking healthy is a feat in and of itself. I have friends who are sick with some kind of illness, but to look at them you wouldn't know it. Yet, inside they are struggling to stay alive in this world.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Yes she did Lady Fiddler and I am so thankful. It has been an important life lesson that I carry with me even today.

Angels are on the way today ps


LadyFiddler profile image

LadyFiddler 21 months ago from Somewhere in the West

Very Interesting Hub from start to finish ..... I agree with you and yes your momma did thought you well. It's good that you took her teaching into practice.

Have a swell Day.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

It is a topic that is close to my heart so it kind of wrote itself.

I have been judged from time to time and do not like the way it feels so it has taught me to refrain from doing so to others.

Thanks for visiting

Angels are on the way to you this evening ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 21 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thanks Julie. I am so glad that I have found HubPages and the world of talent that is here.

Angels are on the way to you this evening ps


Suzanne Day profile image

Suzanne Day 21 months ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

This is an interesting topic and can be so true! Often, just because someone looks OK doesn't mean they are actually OK. Voted interesting!


Julie K Henderson profile image

Julie K Henderson 22 months ago

This is a lovely article. Thank you for sharing this basic truth with us at HubPages.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

It is definitely human of us to do us...and as you say 'but that doesn't make it right.'

Whenever I even think I may be slipping into that mode, I say ...cancel , cancel and stop right then, believe it or not..and it works.

thank you colorfulone for visiting,'

Please know that Angels are on the way to you ps


colorfulone profile image

colorfulone 22 months ago from Minnesota

Patrica, you laid it out the way it is. We might be able to say that, to judge is human, but that does not make it right. This is a great reminder to your readers, we as human have all been judged unfairly bu outward appearances, and did it ourselves. - Up votes form me.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I know, Flourish. I wonder what they expect when someone gets out of such a spot. I really do.

It is hurtful and disparaging to see someone chastised for parking legitimately in those spots. Now, on the other hand, I am not so happy when someone who has no handicap pass parks in them....

Thank you for visiting.

Hoping all is good with you..it looks like another gorgeous morning here in Florida.

Angels are once again winging their way to you this morning ps


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 22 months ago from USA

A very good message. I have sometimes gotten "the look" as I parked in a disabled space. Do they need me to drag my leg or something? Are they expecting dramatics? People need to extend empathy and realize that there are heart conditions, cancer, lupus, MS, RA, and a whole host of medical conditions that qualify a person legitimately for that disabled parking place and they'd give anything not to need to park there.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Yes they can tell us some things but they can deceive us too.....Thanks for visiting Larry.

Angels are on the way to you ps


Larry Rankin profile image

Larry Rankin 22 months ago from Oklahoma

Appearances can sometimes tell us something, but as you have explained, looks can also be used to deceive.

Great read!


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Hi Peggy I am always happy to see you.

Yes, our Momma's knew stuff, didn't they? I only hope I took all of her wise worlds to heart early on....before I found out I did not know everything :D

I hope it is warming up there...my sister says it has been cold and rainy in Austin. Last Thursday they had sleet and the schools were closed.

Take care of you my friend Many blessings and Angels are on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

You are right, Ron. Judging others is a no win situation for all involved.

I learned long ago NOT to do so even when I felt pressured to do so.

thank you for visiting. I hope all is well in your little corner of the planet

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


RonElFran profile image

RonElFran 22 months ago from Mechanicsburg, PA

This is such an important message. The snap judgments people make based on appearance can cause real pain in someone's life, and do real damage. We've probably all experienced that personally, but that too often doesn't prevent us doing it to other people.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 22 months ago from Houston, Texas

You are so very right Patricia as was your mother in teaching you those values and ideas. Sending warm and loving thoughts your way today and may the angels surround you and protect you and those you love. Up votes and sharing.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

So smart to live that way Frank. Our lives are so much richer and blessed if we treat each other well and with the respect they are due.

I am glad you visit. I enjoy reading your hubs as well.

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Mine too Mary. Our lives are so much more blessed when we seek to find the goodness rather than the opposite.

Nice to see you this morning Hoping all is well with you in your little neck of the woods.

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for stopping, Manatita...No my daughter does not write here...here life is very full with medical issues and caring for her precious family. But thank you for the lovely words you have shared with us.

Angels are on the way to you this morning ps


ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 22 months ago from New Delhi, India

Very important and relevant message in this well presented hub!

We must not judge others by their appearances and should not reach to a conclusion without understanding all the facts.

Great hub with insightful thoughts. Voted up and thanks!


Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 22 months ago from Shelton

ps.. I enjoy visiting your hubs, because they are food for thought at least for me.. I never judge or preceive.. always give a face an attitude an action face value.. until I"m proven wrong... bless you


mary615 profile image

mary615 22 months ago from Florida

My mama taught me never to judge others, too, and to live by the Golden Rule. My thoughts are prayers are always with you and your family; I hope you know that.

Voted this UP, etc. and shared. Goodnight, Mary


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 22 months ago from london

Awesome and beautiful with an invaluable life-message, indeed from no lesser than the Christ Himself. God bless you, Patricia, and all your loved ones. Does your daughter write here? Let her send a poem or something. In Love and Light.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you thank you Shyron for your votes and for your kind words.

It is hurtful to have someone throw stones our way...the old 'sticks and stones' saying is just not true.

Know that many Angels are once again on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I get it, Ladyguitarpicker.....people will judge us when they do not know our story. How sad is that!!!

thank you for taking time to comment on this when it must have called up unpleasant times for you.

Know that Angels and blessings are on the way to you this afternoon. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Alicia for visiting....this has been on my mind quite a bit lately so I finally got it turned into a piece to share.

My Momma was a smart woman and I am so thankful I had sense enough to listen!!!

Angels are once again on the way to you this afternoon. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for stopping twice to comment, Venkatacharim.

Certainly we cannot tell what someone is like by just a quick look at them. A valuable lesson for each of us to know.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon once again ps


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 22 months ago from Orlando Florida

PS: I hope the angels are with you during this trying time for your family. You are in my thoughts and I send you my best wishes for your daughter's recovery.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Catherine I feel I need to respond to this second comment since you were kind enough to write two. We are blessed is all I can say...every day is another day to say thank you.

Know that Angels are winging their way to you this afternoon ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you Bill....for stopping tor read and comment. It is always good to see you here as I know how busy you are.

Take care of you, my friend, and know that the good wishes are so warmly received by us.

Busy little Angels and many blessings are headed your way ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thanks Catherine for stopping to read.

I guess what cured me of being judgmental was being homeless. I guess I should add that to my hub at some point.

I appreciate you stopping and thanks for both comments....my daughter is making it one day at a time....we are going through tough times as she has major heart issues and had surgery this week which had to be stopped since she was so weak.

Clearly you know since you are a survivor that how you look is so deceiving Hoping that you continue to be well.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Always exploring Yes, it works both ways...those who are the object of derision can be just as guilty.

Walk a Mile in my shoes is a goodie...I agree.

It just felt like something I needed to share about as I have seen way too much of this type of unkindness and as a teacher saw a lot of it...and we spent much time talking about how it feels to be the object of such derision.

thank you for your candor...and for stopping to comment.

Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 22 months ago from Orlando Florida

P.S.: I hope you daughter and grandson are doing better. I am a cancer survivor and I didn't look sick during treatment.


CatherineGiordano profile image

CatherineGiordano 22 months ago from Orlando Florida

I am also guilty of snap judgments even tho I know "you can't judge a book by its cover." Thanks for reminding me. You really covered all the bases on this topic very well. Voted up+++


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I know Aesta But maybe she did not want anyone to know so that they would not act differently toward her.

We have had our share of unkind things said to us but you know what? It only serves to make us kinder to others.

Thank you for stopping to comment Angels are on the way to you this afternoon ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Thank you for sharing dahoguland (I hope I got that right)---I know...it is sad that some judge on superficial observation.

Thank you again for visiting. Wishing you a lovely afternoon.... Angels are on the way to you ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I received both comments. Sometimes I have trouble with my comments posting too. Thank you for caring enough to come back and check, Tillsontitan.

More lovely Angels on the way ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

I so agree, Jackie There should be sensitivity training exclusively on this topic!!!

Making snap judgments nowhere.

So glad to see you this beautiful Sunday afternoon. ps


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 22 months ago from Hyderabad, India

Very interesting facts here. It's true that most of us go on appearances and form opinions in a hurry before even talking to them. It's good that you discussed this topic here and pointed out our fallacies with good examples. Voted up.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

That pretty much sums it up...we do NOT have any right to judge others. NO time, no way. We have no clue what others are going through so passing judgment is just uncalled for, tillsontitan.

Thank you so much for stopping by to visit and comment.

Know that many Angels are on the way to you this beautiful Sunday afternoon ps


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 22 months ago from New York

Either I'm losing it or I forgot to hit the Post Comment button. I read this but came back to see no comment.

This was touching Patricia. I'm so sorry you've had such sadness in your life but one would never know it from your gracious and beautiful writing.

We should never judge until we've walked a mile in another's shoes, and you've made that perfectly clear.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting. If my other comment is floating around somewhere, feel free to delete one of them.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

So Rachel, you do know, don't you? It is something you do not really understand if you do not have to walk through the life of those with cancer.

Many blessings are on the way to you this beautiful Sunday morning. Angels are on the way to you this lovely Sunday morning. ps


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

O my....how sad but how fortunate that they went on to do something wonderful with the money. Thanks for sharing that story, Faith.

I hope all is well with you and yours. I think of you often.

Many blessings and Angels are coming your way this gorgeous Sunday morning ps

Thanks for the votes, Faith. :D


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 22 months ago from sunny Florida Author

Yes we do Eva. And because of it we often miss out on meeting some wonderful people.

Angels are on the way to you this beautiful Sunday morning ps


Rachel L Alba profile image

Rachel L Alba 22 months ago from Every Day Cooking and Baking

You are certainly right about that, Pat. I always like that saying, "you can't judge a book by it's cover". I used to tell my girls that. Cancer is a hidden disease sometimes. My prayers go out to everyone with cancer. I don't think there is a family that I know that hasn't been touched with it. That's how my mother and 2 of her sisters died.

Blessings.


Venkatachari M profile image

Venkatachari M 22 months ago from Hyderabad, India

Very interesting facts here about looks and realities. It's true that we often fail in our judgements in such cases and then we repent afterwards knowing the reality.

Voted up and interesting.


aesta1 profile image

aesta1 22 months ago from Ontario, Canada

You are right about appearances. We had a friend who had cancer but did not tell anyone other than her husband. I sort of noticed that something was different in her behaviour and mentioned it to my husband but nobody took it seriously. A month after, she died. We felt so bad and wish we could have made her last days better.


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 22 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

Your mother shared some very important advice, just as you have! Your hub is filled with kindness and contains ideas that we should all keep in mind.


Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 22 months ago

Patricia, this is great and so true. You have to crack open the nut to see if it is good.

Voting this up UABI and sharing.

Thanks for all the angel's visits, I feel their presence and I know they are sent by you.

God Bless you always. ss


ladyguitarpicker profile image

ladyguitarpicker 22 months ago from 3460NW 50 St Bell, Fl32619

Hi, I love this hub and you spelled it out perfect. I think everyone gets the point. The truth is people do judge others. I was at work one day and the lady my ex husband worked with cussed me out for leaving my wonderful husband, what she didn't know was he was bad to his kids. To the rest of the world he looked like a great guy. I try not to judge anybody after that experience. Nice hub, Stella


billybuc profile image

billybuc 22 months ago from Olympia, WA

There is nothing to add, other than this message has never been more important than it is in today's world. Keep spreading the word, dear friend, and I'll stand right beside you.

hugs, blessings and a bunch of northwest love,

bill


always exploring profile image

always exploring 22 months ago from Southern Illinois

Walk a mile in their shoes comes to mind here. I am guilty of thinking badly of obese people. I know it is wrong to judge. Overeating is an addiction just like alcohol, smoking and drugs. I think what is upseting to me is a bunch of fat women down mouthing others for the above addictions, not once admitting they have a problem. Interesting topic and you're correct, ' you can't judge a book by it's cover.' I have a granddaughter who is overweight and is forever dieting. She takes it off and gains it back plus some. I worry about her. Heart problems are the leading cause of death. Thank's again for a well written hub...


dahoglund profile image

dahoglund 22 months ago from Wisconsin Rapids

It is interesting how people are judged by appearances. I recall observing once how I was treated in a store when I went in wearing old work clothes and another time when I went in wearing a suit. It is a reason that if we want to be judge kindly, such as applying for a job, we should project a good image. We all judge other people and even judge ourselves.sharing


Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 22 months ago from The Beautiful South

Beautifully written our HP angel!

I am pleased to say I do not judge anyone by their looks. I picked my husband that way and look what a mistake that was! Just kidding but so true. ( I wish there were classes on this!) I think we do go by looks when we are younger and don't know any better. Once we learn to look at the heart we are so much better off and know we should have always been that way.

Voting up and sharing.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 22 months ago from New York

We have no right to judge. If we do we will be judged and that's not a good thing. We may not dress right or be the right weight. You have written it well. Always think, remember you don't know if you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Voted up, useful, awesome, and interesting.


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 22 months ago from southern USA

Wow, PS, this is one important hub for all as we must be mindful to not judge others by their appearance. We have not walked in their shoes and there is no way to tell what is going on in another one's life simply by looking at them. You have stated great insight into this issue.

I read about this happening to an elderly couple, the Stanfords, when they visited Harvard University's president, dressed in a suit of homespun cloth and a faded gingham dress. Harvard's president, the story goes, rebuffed their offer of money for the University (to be given in memory of their son, Leland Jr.), and so the couple went west and founded Leland Stanford Junior University. They were offering $5 million.

There you go!

Up ++++ tweeting, pinning, G+ and sharing

Blessings and many angels on the way (Oh, I love your video choices too)


Eva Hard profile image

Eva Hard 22 months ago from Midwest USA

I agree wholeheartedly. We do too much judging based on appearances.

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