Arby's Senior Discount Fiasco

Author's note: This story is fictional.

The kid behind the counter at Arby’s said, “That will be $6.47 Sir! “ I handed him my last six dollars and dug into my pocket for change, but only found two lonely dimes. I was short, so as I turned to head back to my car to grab some more change the kid with the frizzy, Bozo the clown red hair said, "Wait a minute, you can get the senior’s discount."

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This young upstart had just insulted me and was standing there holding my change. Did he just call me a senior citizen? I stood there doing a slow burn since I’m only 52! I took my bag of roast beef sandwiches and angrily stormed back to my car wondering if the kid was blind. As I sat in my car I became more and more steamed. Who was he to call me old?

The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I decided Bozo needed a lesson in manners and went back inside intending to straighten the young whipper snapper out. I angrily approached the counter, and there he was waiting with a silly grin.

Before I could say a word, he held up a set of car keys and jingled them in front of my face. "Say dude…can't get far without these, can ya?” Well, I could hardly argue with the impudent youngster now, since I was obviously having a case of memory loss and going senile. I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

Heading back to my car I rethought the whole experience and decided forgetting your car keys hardly makes a man elderly. It could happen to anyone!"

I got into my car, still seething from the incident and put the key into the ignition, but it wouldn’t fit. I checked my keys and tried again…it still didn’t fit.

That's when I noticed the dream catcher hanging from the rear view mirror. I had no dream catcher in my car! It suddenly dawned on me this wasn’t my car, only one that looked a little like it.

I exited the vehicle before I got arrested for grand theft auto. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, in my own car, thankful to be finally leaving. My stomach growled and I reached for the bag of sandwiches, only it wasn’t there.

I turned around and returned to the Arby’s restaurant. There stood Bozo, with the same stupid grin plastered on his face. I wondered if they had actually plastered it on, but I decided it best not to ask. He probably would have said something like “Plaster? Nobody uses plaster anymore!” So, I just asked if I had left my bag of sandwiches behind. At this point I was ready to go apply for retirement.

Bozo was clueless. While returning to my car, a young girl came up holding my bag. "My mom thinks you left this in our car by mistake,” she said. I took it and apologized. “Oh, don’t worry about it,” she quipped…my grandfather is constantly doing stuff like that."

By now you’re probably wondering what happened next. Well, I got a speeding ticket for racing a kid in a Volks Wagon trying to reassure myself I wasn’t getting old.
When I finally got home, I handed my wife the bag of cold food and speeding ticket. Then I plopped down in a rocking chair and covered my lap with a blanket. I guess I should’ve been thanking my lucky stars. I had at least found my way home without any assistance.