Being Bipolar Everyday Of My Life
Living With Bipolar Disorder
For me, being Bipolar is a way of life. Sometimes it is a struggle to get motivated to start out my day. I sometimes don't want to get out of bed. i have responsibilities that need to be taken care of. I mean, if I don't do them, then they won't get done. I have to run the vacuum, cook myself breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I have to wash dishes, scrub floors, shine windows. I also have to floss and brush my teeth, take baths and do other other necessities. I also have to exercise. I also have to log into the blackboard because I am working towards getting my degree with online schooling. I sometimes get to watch my great nieces and they can be a handful. I believe that kids are cool. I just don't have any of my own and probably won't ever because my biological clock is ticking, plus I need to take my medication in order to stay stable. I'm also working with another affiliated marketing program that helps make ends meet.
As far as my mood, sometimes I will get sad for no reason at all and I can't explain why. I would get so stuck in this deep dark hole and it would be hard for me to pull myself out. I can honestly say that if it was not for the Grace of God....I would have been dead a long time ago. I have had like 8-10 suicide attempts. I did everything from trying to hang myself, overdosing on pills, slicing my wrists (the wrong way:-) I was 12 when I did my first suicide attempt. I was mad at my mom and I wanted to get back at her. I took a whole bottle of acetaminophen. There was like 50-100 pills in that bottle, I went to sleep and for the life of me did not know why I wasn't dead when I woke up. I used to be a skinny kid, but even then God must have had a purpose for me. That purpose would be to continue to write poetry and short stories so that others can be touched in some way, shape, or form. I also was put here to share the Gospel of Jesus' Christ teaching.
Lastly, I am going to talk about the manic side of having a bipolar disorder. I use run a network marketing home-based business. At that time the pressure to succeed became more and more demanding. I was trying to be successful, as well as trying to quit smoking (May 10, 2012 will be my second year without smoking) I stayed up for about two straight weeks. At this point I was suffering from what is described as Hyper-Mania. I had just previously lost my 100 year old great grandma mama and because I did not grieve right from her death, was another one of the key factors that played a part in the scenario. After I was coming down from my high, some would say. I started getting really paranoid. I started to hallucinate. I would see and hear paranormal activity. I saw black spooks. I had always wonder if there was link between Mental Illness and Paranormal Activity (something I previously had written about). Nonetheless, I was in and out of psychiatric facilities. I was not getting better. They had adjust my medicine, but that still did not help. I tried to fight the whole metro bus because they were turning against me or so I thought. After all else had felled, they sent me to a long term facility that turned my world upside down, but hey that is a totally different story, that I may share with you all in the near future.
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