The first thing to recognize when you have lost a loved one is that your are bereaved. Dependent upon how close that person was to you and how they died is how you will make it through bereavement. But it is important for you to first recognize you are bereaved and then to accept the fact that you must go through this emotional time. And that the emotions which are normal are tainting your perspective. If you can understand this then you are half way through the battle.
There are many emotions which you feel during grief. Denial is one in which you really believe the person is not really gone. It is a coping mechanism for your brain to control your body. Don't fight it. Defense mechanisms are within you because they protect you. Then you will come to the realization you have actually lost that person and you will feel a variety of emotions some mixed. They vary from anger to depression to guilt. It is all normal. Everyone goes through this. Feel it and move on. The despair sets in. It is really important not to let you despair rule your intellect. In most cases of despair it is brief but it comes and goes in bouts. The bouts are normal and in time the frequency of the bouts diminish. Depression is also quite normal for a small interval of time. Although there is not set way to grieve. I have provided some music via youtube. Get a hanky.
Charolette Church Ambiance
Steps to Cope During Bereavement
The most important things is to stay safe.
1) Drink water and eat healthy and get plenty of exercise preferably outside where you can get vitamin D.
2) Don't let your despair rule your intellect.
3) Accept your depressin as a measure of the love you provided your loved one.
4) Make Short Goals. ie: Take Trash out Wednesday. Keep doctors appointment Friday.
5) Make Long Term Goals. This varies from person to person and it is done in time. But long term goals are important within the first year of your loved ones death.
6) Make new friends. If you have lost a loved one find another one to love. It is important you stay socially intact through the Bereavement process. This is readily more difficult to do than is explained here because of the nature of Bereavement but push yourself to be social.
7) Remember all the good times. This will restore you.
8) No matter what you feel don't make any rash decisions for the first year. Time heals all wounds and it is time that truly heals Bereavement.
9) You may want to consider getting help with either a church support group, your priest, or a mental health counselor. Support is good if you are open to it.
10) Recognize while you are greiing you are being reborn to a new existence and a new life. With death comes life and you are reborn through grief.
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