Blame it on being human

This Hub was inspired by my reading another Hub here. The name is irrelevant, save to say that it brought me to my knees. It opened my eyes to what the world may indeed see those off us inflicted with Bipolar and or Tourettes as. I was saddened and surprised at the same time. I will ponder the words and the Hub for some time I am certain. Disturbing and leaving me a bit abstract in my thinking, I will endure writing this Hub.

I sat here and read some of the most unbelievably cold and cruel words I have ever seen. I read and shook my head, not at the "wives" being written about but at the men writing the words. Anger and writing sometimes are like alcohol and driving. A poor mix and dangerously careless.

I will not give a thought on the Bipolar issue except to say Hmmmm??? Maybe more to it than what the writer thought. His wife sounded as if she is more Tourettes and perhaps border-line split personality than simply bipolar. It is so very easy to say "Oh, she/he is Bipolar and simply accept that this is how Bipolar people act. I suffer from both and though I am as they say, high maintenance, my family and Love stand with me and try to understand as much as they can. I have done most everything that was mentioned in the Hub. From the splurge spending without needing to the cheating and late nights. Although I am not a screamer, I will say I speak softly when I am saying "leave me the F*** alone" just because I slipped, in minutes, from "Love me please" to "get the Frick away from me." No cause, no reason.
The things the men said of their wives and ex's was incredible. It is also why we that suffer from the "conditions" have a hard time being "normal." The world sees Bipolar as the reason for everything strange or not understood. Sometimes, I do things way out in left field just because I am freaking human. No blame or pointing or making the excuse "sorry, I am bipolar" or "oops, it's the tourettes." Call a spade a spade but don't call it a freak. Life happens and bad things happen and people spend huge amounts of money just because they are bad, NOT because they are bipolar only. "Humans" do things JUST because it is the Human thing to do. You do NOT have to be bipolar or suffer from some Mental illness to run all your credit cards to the max or to cheat on your spouse. You just have to be "Human."
Wives cheat, just as husbands do and yes, the bipolar intensifies this and also causes us to blurt out our infedelities BUT, we are not robots that Have to do those things or Have to be Bipolar because of this.

I shook inside at now wondering how often and how quickly people pass not only judgement but medical diagnosis's because they "heard" a friend say... "I saw this on T.V. I am sure my wife/husband is Bipolar." That diagnosis should be left to professionals. There really is so much more to a mental health issue than violence or cheating or spending. Are those all signs of a Mental illness?? Yep. It is also true that people who do NOT suffer from a mental disorder do all of those things.

Again, to call your wife or lover or ex cruel, vulgar names and then place the Tag on it, Bipolar, is to show your own inside issues. Sorry it didn't work out. Sorry things went way bad. Sorry, of course, that you were cheated on. All very bad things to have happen to you. But life happens and not always in a good way and it happens because we are humans and life happens, to humans. There truly is enough on the T.v. programs and talk shows depicting every Bipolar person as a freak or bad person. No one needs to add to it. Easy to blame it on, for sure, but not always the cause of a marriage failing or a credit card getting Maxed.

I am Bipolar and suffer from tourettes anddddddd I am human. I raised my children and we have had a fabulous life. I am raising 2 children again and very blessed to be able to. I write and live life as best as I can. I love and laugh and get mad and sad, just like you. My issue simply take me to dark places. Before we scream out ""he/she is bipolar, first let us say "Ohh, look, they are Human," and give us a chance. Life is life and the men's wives they spoke of did bad things but to call them the filth they called them, well, the wife wasn't the only issue.

Comments 12 comments

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 years ago from South Africa

Darrel, your wisdom and insight touch my heart. Every word you’ve written here is so true, it draw my tears. When I listen to, or read, the opinions and judgements of some people, I know exactly what Jesus meant when he prayed: “Father, forgive them because they don’t know what they are doing.”

I've got to repeat some of your sentences:

“Anger and writing sometimes are like alcohol and driving. A poor mix and dangerously careless.”

“It is also true that people who do NOT suffer from a mental disorder do all of ‘those things’.”

“Again, to call your wife or lover or ex cruel, vulgar names and then place the Tag on it, Bipolar, is to show your own inside issues.”

Great hub, my friend. Take care. Especially when you find yourself on the flip side of the penny called Life.


Dday50627 profile image

Dday50627 5 years ago from Iowa Author

Thank you Martie for the wonderful words here. You touch my heart with your understanding. I appreciate this more than you know. Thank you again so much. Darrel


singlmomat52 profile image

singlmomat52 5 years ago

I too have written a Hub here about my mentally ill ex-husband. This disease is a sad one and it effects all involved. I suspected for years that he was bi-polar, as it turns out he is also paranoid schizophrenic. I can understand fully the difficult time a spouse or family member has to live through when dealing with a mentally ill spouse or relative. It's very hard to know what to do at any given moment when they are having a bad run of days,or sometimes months. I appreciate your Hub and glad that you sought profeesional help. Many are in denial and refuse the help they need so desparately. I had to cut the ties with my ex as I could not take the mental abuse anymore. I never knew what the day would bring. And when he would get off his meds I knew that it was just a matter of time til my family and I had to go through the nightmare again. I wish you well and only hope that you can try to understand that we know it is not easy for you but on the same token the family suffers as well. You must understand too that being human includes getting angry, and some of the things that our spouses do, menatlly ill or normal, makes us angry and we vent to whoever or whatever and that is just normal human behavior when situations arise that we have no control over. Take care and stay strong.


Seafarer Mama profile image

Seafarer Mama 5 years ago from New England

Hi Darrel,

How courageous of you to write this hub. I am so happy that you have had a lovely family that has stood by you and has accepted you the way you are. Also glad that you have sought (and stick to) the medical help you need...it is kindest to both yourself and those around you.

Know that you also have a "family" here on HP. :0)


Dday50627 profile image

Dday50627 5 years ago from Iowa Author

Singlemom... Thank you for your comments. I want to say here that I have written many articles concerning Not the bipolar person but the ones that must endure their issues and try and live day by day, truly, minute by minute at times, with the highs and lows of the inflicted. We, as the "carrier", live each day this way and it has come to be simply a way of life. But for those that love us, they are the heroes of our lives. They are the ones that love us, issues and all. And it is they that must wake each morning and wonder what kind of a day it will be. In the same sense as some not understanding that being a Mom is in fact a job, loving a person with a mental disorder also is a 24/7 job, and I know and appreciate that fact, each and every single day.

Seafarer Mama... so nice to see you here. Thank you for reading this and thank you for your comments here. Sometimes, writing is exposing and leaving yourself open to the readers. It is always a journey for me when I Do write about this. I always appreciate the feedback, good or bad. Though I am Not "medicated", I have a fabulous support team in my family and friends. I also have a wonderful Doctor anf therapist that keep me on the straight and narrow as much as they can. Luckily for them all, I have always been of the gentle nature and so they don't have to deal too much with that issue. I am more prone to be extremely Low and seek alone time than anything. This can sometimes be difficult for loved ones and I often wish I had a red, yellow, green light on my forehead to give them a heads up as to where I am. lol... Life is life and survival is greatest when you have loved ones. Thank you again for reading. Always, Darrel


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 5 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

My friend, Darrel,

I have worked with thousands of people who have been diagnosed with some form of mental illness. They may have been hospitalized or I may have cared for them as a community nurse.

The person who ended up almost shooting me to my death was an "undiagnosed" nurse who had been fired for attendance and drug abuse.

We can hide behind our LABELS/ diagnoses and use them as an excuse to stop living the life that God has given us. We can tag others' with LABELS/ diagnoses and totally forget they are people first and worthy of our love/ understanding (for the most part).

You, Darrel, are my friend because you are real, you are decent, you are honorable, you are a person. Thank you for this awareness raising article, which is as beautiful as you are. Voted UP & UABI, mar.


Dday50627 profile image

Dday50627 5 years ago from Iowa Author

Mar... once again you honer me by your words here. The tradgedy that you endured was a sad event and I look at you and the strength that you show each day by following through with your life and am glad that you have done so.

Indeed, the fact that the perpitrater was an un-diagnosed person adds to the reality of mental illnesses giving way to violence. Sadly, it is just such events that cause people to stop and look at who and what "mental disorder patients" are. There can be No doubt that a person that attempts to kill another, while the act is unprovoked by the victim screams out loudly that a "normal" person would not commit such an act. I myself have used the phrase "Obviously, he/she was not right in their head." This I believe does stand true but I feel that there are people that simply Do bad things, mental Illness or not. It is just simpler for the orld to tag a person and say they have mental disorder than to say "they really lost control of their facilties."

I wish to thank you for the kind words yoiu have added here. They do serve to encourage me to continue writing from my heart, as I will do. I wish only good things for you. always, Darrel


jami l. pereira 5 years ago

Wow , now a days it seems so easy to put a label on something , from add to adhd to bi polar , i wonder what happened years ago , when none of these labels were in place ... You are a kind and gentle soul , and you are blessed , And i feel blessed to have run across you here at the Hub , thanks for the read , i voted up all the way across the board , except funny , of course , thanks again:)


justateacher profile image

justateacher 5 years ago from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz...

great hub...great insight. I hate that people think they can define you - or anyone - with a label. As a special ed teacher, my world revolves around the labels...it is so hard for people to see beyond that and to understand that sometimes the behaviors we see are due to the label...but more often the behaviors are because my students are human and are trying the best they can to overcome the labels that society has put on them...


Dday50627 profile image

Dday50627 5 years ago from Iowa Author

Thank you again, Jami, for words of kindness and encouragement. They touch my soul like a soft breeze and I feel rest for just a little while. Thank you for that, also.

Teacher, I grew up with a special needs brother, long before they "system" at least tried to make them not so vulnerable to labels. You are so very right in saying they are as human as anyone else, and trying hard to fit into this often cruel world. Following my brother to "school" during the summer showed me so many beautiful sides to the children that society and yes, even their own families tried to keep in a closet, LITERALLY, back then. Seldom have I seen the loyalty and measure of love that I saw when spending time with those special needs children. Take away the labels and blaming every wrong thing on the "Well, there must be Something wrong with them" attitude and perhaps people would see people, issues or not, as exactly that... People.

Thank you so much for reading and for your words here. Always, Darrel


Ghaelach 5 years ago

Hello again Darrel.

Well i popped over to your hubpage a bit sooner than i thought i would, more out of curiosity and found "Blame it on being a Human" Evereything you say is correct with my thoughts. But you wrote a word that sort of got me thinking and that word is "HUMAN".

We humans get quite a number of illnesses from spastic, MS, Bipolar, Ostemyelitis (my illness), to cancer and a lot more that they (Dr.) haven't invented yet. Isn't it nice to know that there are a dedicated number of humans around that live their lives helping other people that can't help themselves. Thank god we are human, when you think what happens to our wild creature friends when they have an illness.

Have a nice day in Iowa and take care.

LOL Ghaelach


Dday50627 profile image

Dday50627 5 years ago from Iowa Author

thank you again for reading this and for your very nicely writyten comments. I wish always the very best for you. Darrel

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