Broken Angel

Where have you gone?
Where have you gone?

Depression

Being raised in an abusive family, depression will set in. Watching someone you love get beaten to a pulp and your to little to do anything about it. Even so, you jump in between them to make it stop, to rescue, to protect. You live like this for ten years of your life and it's bound to have an effect. You too have been neglected, beaten and abused.

People Pleasing

So where did this cycle start? Most people's people pleasing begins in there early childhood after living in an abusive home. One gets into the habit of rescuing and protecting. It becomes a natural responce/act later in life even if one is no longer around the abuse. One will seek out the needy because one is accustomed to protecting/controlling a situation. It becomes second nature. The people-pleaser can't bare to see anyone in need because the people pleaser can't bare to see pain whether it be from another abusive situation or simply someone less fortunate.

People pleasing can spill over into ones personal relationships/partners. Where the people-pleaser thinks only of their partners needs and neglects their own. Their needs are often unmet. People pleasing can be very tiresome and frustrating and one can be left resenting the very ones they care for (literally). It can devour ones life and life itself can become unbearable as well as unmanagable. The word NO isn't in a people-pleasers vocabulary.

This cycle of abuse must be broken, for the broken angels. How did things get so out of control! This abuse has turned inward. Now it's aimed at the child who's now an adult going out into the world blind. He/she has never had a life or been taught the meaning of it. He/she feels lost and alone. While growing up in the attention from the parents was not directed towards the children but towards the disfunction. The child had no upbringing, no healthy role model, nothing to follow. The child is basically left to fend for themselves. They can only take what they know with them.

Going out into the world is frightning and they don't know where to turn. All their accustomed to is aiding someone in their survival, another rescue, another save. This becomes their way of life, this is what works for them. People-pleasing has now taken hold and it won't let go.

Succeeding in life has now become a struggle. What they have learned now becomes a big part of their survival. They've never had a life of their own because they've been too caught up in someone elses and not by choice. Being the savior to everyone but themselves.

In most cases the people-pleaser feels hopeless, sad and abandoned and depression sets in. Their weakness has weakened their intire life. Their energy levels are drained. Their dreams are just dreams. There is no reality in them for they feel they will never transpire. They feel that no one will come to their rescue because no one has. They spend a lot of time crying from loneliness and sleeping to avoid the frustrations of the world and the hurt they have aquired from it. The unbearable feeling of alienation. Joy is lost and life has no meaning for the broken angel.

If you are a broken angel, know you are not alone. I too am a broken angel and I have lived to tell about it! My heart is with you! Whether you may believe it or not...God is also with you, He is with me everyday and I look to Him to guide me. If I had not been broken I may have never found Him......He is my Father now!

 

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Comments 31 comments

no body profile image

no body 6 years ago from Rochester, New York

More descriptions that I can not relate to my sister. I have always been a servant to others. I have opened my heart and my life to those I trust. This malady is so heart breaking because it limits what one person does in love for another. It breaks fellowship to be safe. It questions every motive between brothers. It says that one that is doing something for the Lord will not know that he's doing this for his sickness, his flesh, when his heart is turned toward the Lord. It is something that must be the result of an abuse I know not of. My childhood was weird but not abusive in the manner you say. Yet I open myself and give of myself to others. A person that has this sickness of which you speak must avoid me because I would serve them too much? love them too much? I guess I just am not able to understand at this time. I love you sister and I don't know if I really want to do anything differently than I am doing because it took so long for me to be able to serve others and consider others before myself. Please don't think I don't agree there are people like this but I am missing something important here.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

You would have had to have gone through it to understand it. To live in disfunction is quite the opposite of functional. Disfunction distorts love and gives it a whole new meaning. One who has been there would know. When one has never been shown love or taught love or known love one is blind to it and has to rely on what one has been given. Hope this helps you to understand a little better. Blessings!


samsons1 profile image

samsons1 6 years ago from Tennessee

voted up and beautiful! God's grace was certainly upon you and your life. My you continue to praise Him for His goodness...


DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

DeBorrah K. Ogans 6 years ago

TimesHealsAll, BEAUTIFUL! Thank you for your transparency here. Many shy away from discussing abuse but it is important to know that it exists on many levels… It is really a form of spiritual warfare. The abuser is weak, shackled by their lack of self esteem, self control and void from the lack of love. Their need to dominate and control is selfserving…

Trusting the Lord helps one move towards healing when you accept that HE LOVES YOU and you are precious in HIS sight! The presence of God’s Holy Spirit in one’s life is so important! God is able to transform hurt to joy in knowing HIM intimately… KNOW through His Holy spirit you have received a gift as Christ dwells in you, He is able! “ to be strengthen with might through His Spirit the inner man, that Christ dwells in your hearts through FAITH, that you may be rooted and grounded in love…” Ephesians 3.

What is wonderful about the Lord is that ALL HIS WORD is TRUE! May HIS LOVE continue to heal all wounds as He uses you to His GLORY! As you say time heals all... HIS body was broken so that we could be made whole! The Blood of JESUS is powerful! God Bless you May HIS LOVE, Favor & Peace rest upon you! In HIS LOVE, PEACE & BLESSINGS!


Tamarajo profile image

Tamarajo 6 years ago from Southern Minnesota

Well said. I grew up in such an environment and I really had never considered that I choose needy relationships that generally involved rescuing because of that experience. I mean I knew I chose them but was not so aware where that had come from. In fact I have been asking myself most recently these kinds of questions.

God is such a great counselor to point out the places and issues He wants to work on next. He has healed me of so many things in my heart. I am excited to see where life goes minus this one too.

Thank you for sharing your heart and insight.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you samson1! I certainly do thank Him and praise Him, for without Him I would'nt have survived. He has shown me that love does exist in the hearts of those who serve Him. Through those who serve Him I have found a new family and through Him I have found a new Father! A Father with an unfailing love. One who builds you up and never lets you down! Amen! God bless you samson1!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you so much DeBorrah! Yes it is a form of spiritual warfare. Satan thought he had an entire family in his grip. One is beaten down and broken, but God made it possible to rise above it for He took my shackles and set me free. Not only was His body broken for me, my body was broken for Him. If I had not been broken, I may have never found Him! Bless you sister!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you Tamarajo! God knows our needs and I know this because we are not alone in our suffering. He provided hope through others who share their insights and struggles. Their struggles are testimonies meant to build their brother up. We are meant to share our struggles to accomplish what God has planned for us. Some have too much pride and keep them to themselves for fear of what man may think. They have more faith in man's judgement than God's. Amen!


creativeone59 profile image

creativeone59 6 years ago from Gold Canyon, Arizona

TimeHeal All, now I know where you got your user name. I didn't come from a broken family,but I got married to an abuser that gave me holy hell.I Know about depression, fighting and all the other bad things abusive people go through, so I can relate to the Broken angel syndrome.This hub reminds me of a lot of some I'be written. Thank you for sharing this hub and the pain. Godspeed. creativeone59


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you creativeone59! We all go through trials everyday. It is how we learn/grow. Hopefully when we go through trials we gain a clearer understanding and are able to stand firm/not question the next time we face it. The purpose for trials is to become whole/complete/Christlike. Then we are to take our answers/insights to our brother ie; testify to build our brother up. There should be no shame in that. God says in Luke 22:31 and 32 "Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat, but I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to me, strengthen your brethren." Amen and blessings my friend!


Judah's Daughter profile image

Judah's Daughter 6 years ago from Roseville, CA

This hub is just right on. I took pieces from your hub and placed them together, as it's revealing!

"The people-pleaser can't bare to see anyone in need. Going out into the world is frightning and they don't know where to turn. All their accustomed to is aiding someone in their survival, another rescue, another save. They've never had a life of their own because they've been too caught up in someone elses."

I find that people pleasers often project "neediness" on others that truly aren't needy. On the flip-side, they may also choose 'martyrdom'-type career fields or dysfunctional spouses.

"The people-pleaser thinks only of their partners needs and neglects their own. Their needs are often unmet. This abuse has turned inward. Now it's aimed at the child who's now an adult [that would be themselves]. Their dreams are just dreams. There is no reality in them."

This is because they neglect themselves due to a false sense of 'martyrdom', which seems to give them some sort of 'self esteem', though twisted. They compulsively focus on others' perceived neediness and end up over-doing it and feeling empty when their own needs aren't met.

"The word NO isn't in a people-pleasers vocabulary."

This is why life ends up running over them. And, unfortunately, when that happens, resentment and blame set in against those the people pleaser has been so focused on. It becomes a thought of, "I'm selfless and they're selfish". To say NO is a 'selfish act' to a people pleaser. God reminds us to love our neighbor AS OURSELVES (Mat 19:19)...for no man hates his own body (Eph 5:29). If one is in the Lord he will not hate himself to such a degree!

Parents need to foster a good sense of self-worth and self-esteem in their children, if that is where it all begins. Amen.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

The people-pleaser is enveloped/consumed with the needs of others. Their self esteem and self worth can suffer due to this compulsion and they often neglect their own needs. People pleasers usually attract a partner who is needy as well. One who is dependent upon them, after all this is what they do best...to please. They do get a sence of self worth from the save. Maybe this is why they can't say NO. The people pleaser also percieves it as selfish to say no. So this becomes their mission in life. The people pleaser does feel a sence of self worth/self esteem/a boost in aiding/coming to the rescue of others. Almost like Robin Hood. There is no rejection when one finds someone in need, so the people pleaser feels safe. A people pleasers puts their full attention on the needs of others, leaving their own needs unmet/unsatisfied. This can cause silent resentment and I say silent because the people pleaser usually does'nt share their frustrations. In most cases they keep quiet so as not to rock the boat. Even though their resentment heightens and they want to explode. I guess one could percieve this as martyrdom. And yes the self esteem issues should have begun at home. I hope parents are reading this! Blessings!


Judah's Daughter profile image

Judah's Daughter 6 years ago from Roseville, CA

"This can cause silent resentment and I say silent because the people pleaser usually does'nt share their frustrations. In most cases they keep quiet so as not to rock the boat." Excellent point!


Judicastro profile image

Judicastro 6 years ago from birmingham, Alabama

I can so identify with being a people pleaser, but it did not evolve from my youth. In a way it did but not because of abuse. My father died when I was 13 and up until that time we had a wonderful loving and functioning family. My dad was my dearest friend. Mom was the light of my dads eyes and we kids were the blessed results of their love for each other. When dad died it set me on a path of trying to find that kind of love. My first marriage became a nightmare in that he could not be faithful. I in turn tried to become everything he needed to try and keep him faithful. As you probably well know that because it wasn't about me I never could be good enough, sexy enough, etc. I felt like a gerbil on a wheel! It wasn't until 20 years into my second marriage that I just stopped trying to be what I wasn't and I praise God that He has healed me from having to be all things to all people. I now serve because He serves through me. Thanks for sharing I know it will help many. Bless you sister.


heart4theword profile image

heart4theword 6 years ago from hub

I used to walk on egg shells around people. I wanted to see them happy, couldn't stand to see or be around, an unhappy person...so I too was a people pleaser. Like Judi, I wised up and realized I can't be there for everybody, and I sure can't please everyone all the time. We all have our issues in life we have to work through. I thank God, that He has been their to help me and continues to lead and guide us, hurting people! It is amazing to see as I've gotten older, how God is so in the business or restoration:) Restoring things that have been lost in the past, and the voids in our hearts from those people and situations that hurt us so deeply. Hats off to you, TimeHealsAll...It takes great courage for you to be so transparent, this is when James 5:16 really kicks in! You are a sweet and loving person, we are all blessed to have you as our friend:)


tash27 profile image

tash27 6 years ago from Australia

Your story is so inspiring and uplifting. Thank you for sharing with the world. I too am a survivor of abuse and connecting with other survivors is really healing. Please read my story "Survivors of Child Abuse" And i would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 6 years ago from Wales

This hub is beautifully written and inspirational. Abuse is a subject very close to my heart and if you've got a minute or so maybe you would like to read my hubs ie 'FROM THIS MOMENT ON' and 'My Beautiful Little Girl!'

I am going to bookmark this hub and vote it up!! I will be back in a bit to read more of your work, I'm so glad that I found you on here!! Take care and God bless!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Bless you Judicastro! We can never be all things to all people. God can only be that and He is able. There always seem to be a void when we lose something and I believe there is only one who can fill that void and that is God. Sounds like we both found our Father. Amen and blessings to you my friend!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

You are kind heart4theword. Voids are meant to be filled with God's restoration/substance. He will fill these voids if we look to Him for the understanding/purpose for them. They are meant to draw us closer day by day. He will fill our needs/voids overflowing. Blessings to you my friend and happy to be your friend and fan as well!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thankyou tash27! I believe we are meant to connect through our trials so as to find comfort in knowing we are not alone. To share our struggles and healing and to love one another through it all. I will certainly check out your hubs! Blessings my friend!


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Bless you Eiddwen! I believe God puts things close to our hearts to love/to effect us. A hearts desire is to love. Hearts get broken but hearts can also heal. Sharing our hearts helps heal other hearts. I believe this is why we suffer trials/struggles. They are meant to make us stronger and wiser. To instill/restore clarity to a life once consumed/distraut. Take care my friend and may God's many blessings be with you!


rhondaroo profile image

rhondaroo 6 years ago from Albuquerque, New Mexico

Not abused child growing up but was an abused wife for 14 years of marriage until one day I said no more I took my children and we left with no where to go that was the best, I felt your heart when writing this hub, and I too can say through the abuse I reached up to Jesus and he gave me the strength to go One step at a time. Thank you am I a people pleaser honestly I want people around me that are happy, joyous, and I do know that I must check my heart and motives to do for the right reasons not that I want a pat on the back but make sure I always give God all the Glory my flesh may say no I want to do my own thing for myself and the Spirit will say No do it for me. Thank you sweet sister for looking forward to reading more of your hubs.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you rhondaroo, maybe your x came from an abusive family. Usually there is a reason for a person to abuse. It's good you recognized it and didn't blame yourself. No one deserves to be abused. The abuser needs to seek help. Abuse is not safe or healthy. Sounds like you are doing ok now. That is a good thing! You check your motives and that is healthy. You also look to God for guidance. Thank you for offering some good advice to others here. Bless you too sweet sister!!!


2besure profile image

2besure 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Depression can be a devastating illness. You have to get to the root of the depression and heal from the inside out.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you 2besure, Depression disables the mind. It is a form of bondage, it is bondage. It destroys hope, love and perseverance. When one is in depression one cannot move forward, they are frozen in time. The heart grieves when this happens and it cries out for help because the heart is meant to love. When love and hope are lost the spirit grieves and seeks healing as if it had a mind of it's own. The spirit cannot remain in this state nor can the heart or mind because we are not designed to. This is why depression is so devastating. Our bodies were not meant to harbor depression or any form of bondage. All bondage has a major effect on our intire being and will manifest itself into illness's such as sickness, disease and even death. God designed us to have hope, love and perseverance, it is the things of this world that invade, corrupt and destroy. God meant for us to have perfect peace. Do not look to the world for it for it will not be found, for it is only found in Him, Amen! You are correct that we must take action and heal from the inside out so as not to remain in this state. Blessings!


Jay Louidor profile image

Jay Louidor 6 years ago from FL

Great Hub, I loved it. Coming from a home where I witness abuse at a very early age has made me swear to myself and the women in my family that I would never be that person and have honored that promise and plan to till the end of my years. I will stop at nothing to break the cycle the men in my family have started. I'll be the example for my little sisters and nieces. For my little brothers and my unborn son.


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Praise God brother Jay! There are new beginnings! Amen! We can have a better understanding from what we've experienced and not be stuck in the old ways but build a new structure for our loved ones, a new belief system so they can have a solid foundation. It begins with us and ends in them. You said it well!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota

You do a wonderful job of walking people through this journey of what causes the people pleaser. I am a people pleaser because of a childhood with alcoholic parents, neglect verbal abuse. I have worked on it but still struggle. You use the term "broken angel" the same way as I use the term "wounded healer." Both nice ways of defining how pain brings about growth and knowledge. I ended up going for my master's degree in Psychology because of my difficult childhood. My younger days made me who I am and I am proud of it. Peace to you and thanks for sharing this:)


TimeHealsAll profile image

TimeHealsAll 6 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada Author

Thank you Minnetonka Twin, it's something how we as children of alcoholic's have so much in common. It's tragic growing up in any disease. It truly breaks one into and it can create motivation or distruction ie; a survivor or one who falls deeper as a result of the abuse. I came from a family of 10 children and most of them have fallen and it's sad to watch. I became a survivor but I have had my ups and downs on my journey. It's difficult to break the cycle completly as it took years to plant it. I am determined to overcome and that's what gives me hope. I think the secret is believing there's hope. I totally understand you wanting to get your degree in Phychology so as to try to save another wounded soul. We can become stronger and wiser and able because it's possible and so worth it. We can take our struggles and turn them into victory's because we survived! Peace to you as well..:)


pennyofheaven profile image

pennyofheaven 6 years ago from New Zealand

Definitely you are worth it!

Much love and strength to you!


tnderhrt23 profile image

tnderhrt23 5 years ago

This was a difficult read for me, mainly because you have described me too well. Through Co-Dependency treatment I learned that the only self esteem I had came from being needed...drawing me perpetually to needy people...usually abusive. Ours was not only an alcoholic home but a staunch Catholic one as well, and religion got all twisted up in the sick business of Alcoholism...giving me a really warped understanding and experience of God. I have spent most of my life trying to "Unlearn" in order to "relearn" healthy things and heal the "broken angel" within. My relationship with God, as I understand Him, is tumultuous at best, even though I believe in God with all my heart...The shame and self-loathing that were instilled in me through physical, sexual and emotional abuse, though less today than ever before, still thrive deep within and make intimacy with my God difficult, some days. By the Grace of God, however, I am a surviver, and today can say "No" sometimes. It comes down to the resentment of saying yes versus the guilt of saying no...but I am getting better at taking care of me, rather than selling my soul for approval.Thank you for having the courage to share your story. There is comfort in knowing you are not alone. God bless!

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