The Memory Of My Son - A Story of Grief

Deep In Thought ~

Todd ~ He and the ocean were one.
Todd ~ He and the ocean were one. | Source
Todd - 03/23/63
Todd - 03/23/63 | Source

Prologue

It was around midnight when I received a call from my granddaughter Kelli "Grandma...something's wrong with daddy. I don't know what to do (sobbing hysterically.)" I told her to dial 911 immediately then call me back.

The phone rang a few minutes later. It was the voice of a friend who had gone over to check on Kelli. "Get to the hospital as soon as you can." As I drove the 2 hour trip to the hospital my mind did a quick flash-back to the chemo treatments I had witnessed my son going through.

I will never forget the musty smell of a room filled with mostly elderly folks. And there, sitting amongst the group of strangers is my son. Everyone is being given chemo therapy. Some are feeling sick. What is my son doing here? I fight back my tears to give Todd my strength.

I read his mind like an open book. " I must pick up the children from school, get dinner on the table and take Brandon to his soccer practice. Ohhhh, I feel sick. I wish this treatment were over."

Source

I Wish I Could Take His Cancer From Him

Todd loved his children more than life itself. He wanted to do all he could to bring stability and love to children who were abandoned by their mother. Holding down a full-time job and raising 4 children wasn't easy, but he never once complained.

I was proud of him. How I wish I could take his cancer from him. He is still young and I am old. Isn't that the way it should be?

I arrive at the hospital around 1:30 am. It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. A nurse steps out and asks me if I'm Todd's mother. I nod my head and ask to go to his room. I visualize him in a hospital bed with an IV connected to his arm.

The nurse leads me to a room filled with unfamiliar faces except for the friend who I spoke to on the phone. Two police officers were present as well. I turned to the nurse and spoke with great firmness. "I want to see my son."

The nurse put her arm around my shoulder and quietly spoke " Your son has died."

Source

Surfing ~

Surfing was Todds passion.  Photo taken just weeks before cancer claimed him
Surfing was Todds passion. Photo taken just weeks before cancer claimed him | Source

Todd Edward Hunt 1963~2008


Broken Heartstrings


Tugging at my heart

The memory of his voice

The little boy became a man

Then taken without a choice


Son, brother, father friend

He gave his all up to the end


Heartstrings empty melody

Beats without a reason

Leaves of color on the ground

And yet there is no season


Precious visions take their place

Sketching memories of his face


One string broken then another

Once so strong and living

Tenderhearted sings a song

of life so dear and giving


Time has ceased the ashes spread

The sea is loves eternal bed


©2012 Audrey Hunt


For Todd

Source

”There is, I am convinced, no picture that conveys in all its dreadfulness, a vision of sorrow, despairing, remediless, supreme. If I could paint such a picture, the canvas would show only a woman looking down at her empty arms.” -Charlotte Bronte


‎”It has been said time heals all wounds… I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind protecting it’s sanity covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it’s never gone…” -Rose Kennedy

Where Todd Was Born

A markerOxnard, California USA -
Oxnard, CA, USA
[get directions]

Todd loved the Beach Boys. Here they are as seniors and still perfect velvet harmonies.

More by this Author


Comments 106 comments

Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Still so sorry for your loss, yet I'm so glad you can express your son in beautiful poetry. Way to go. Voted up, awesome, beautiful!


Ruby H Rose profile image

Ruby H Rose 4 years ago from Northwest Washington on an Island

You did a wonderful job sharing such a beautiful poem. It is very hard losing a child. Thank you for writing this.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago

I hear you Vocal Couch, If Lisa is an adorable friend, We can imagine how good of a son yopu had. I feel your pain directly. I lost a nephew at the tender age of five. Yet the Lord gave him time to say bye ... as he closed his eyes on his bed. Only God Knows why these things really happen, but we all will depart on due time. Meanwhile the party of life continues. My Prayers for you, Todd and your family. Still remembering the lose of your little puppy. God bless! and your poetry really touched my inner strings.

LORD


LaThing profile image

LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

Wow, very beautiful, and moving poem! Couldn't hold my tears back knowing a mother is writing for her son...... Peace.

Voting up


mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 4 years ago

Losing a loved one is hard. My husband lost his only son to a brain tumor. We still miss him so much.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Victoria, dear one~Sometimes the only way to release the pain of missing him is to unleash my emotions through writing. I'm so thankful for hubpages which allows me to express myself without fear.

You have given me support along the way and I love you for that. Thank you for the vote up, awesome and beautiful.


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

This is sad but beautifully written. Your emotions are very powerful.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Ruby - I really thought I could not go on after Todd's death. But here I am and doing well, thanks to hubpages and writing. Thank you very much.


Poetic Fool 4 years ago

Audrey, so beautiful and touching. So sorry for your loss but this is a beautiful tribute to him!

Dennis Gabor said:

"Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them."

You've played a beautiful melody here, Audrey!


homesteadbound profile image

homesteadbound 4 years ago from Texas

Audrey - I have a lump in my throat and my heart aches for you and your loss. This was a beautiful tribute to your son and all that he was to so many.


Rusticliving profile image

Rusticliving 4 years ago from California

Hi Vocalcoach (~M~) What a beautiful tribute to our Todd. You have always been such a wonderful poet (just like grandpa) and to bring your talent through to write of Todd is beautiful! Love you very much! I'm going to link this to his birthday hub for you! :)


Dee aka Nonna profile image

Dee aka Nonna 4 years ago

The loss of a child has to be a very painful loss. He was so handsome and I'm sure beautiful inside. This is a wonderful tribute. My love goes out to you and here is a great big HUG, my friend.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Lord ~ The biggest heart here in hubland belongs to Lord. I'm so very sorry about the loss of your little nephew at the tender age of 5. Todd was a strong person and fought his cancer with all that he had.

Thank you for your heart-felt comments.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

La Thing ~ You are compassionate which is a beautiful gift to possess. Your tears are diamonds of sharing an emotional "tug" with me. I so appreciate that. Thank you!


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

I cannot imagine your loss. I know that writing helps every pain that we have. And so I hope this beautiful tribute brings you solace--hugs to you over the miles-


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 4 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

You have written a loving tribute to Todd. Since he loved the sea, you could not have chosen a more perfect subject matter to form this poem. It is beautiful and I pray that your heart reached great joy when it sees his face through your words.


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

vocal,

This is a beautiful and poignant remembrance through a Mother's eyes, having first met Todd through the love of your daughter's eyes. I see such an amazing bond with you and Lisa that it is magical and healing at once.

You are two very special women, so compassionate and loving.

Voted UP & AB. Hugs, Maria


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

mijdgulley ~ Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband lost his only son to a brain tumor. Nothing ever replaces the emptiness of the one who is no longer here.

Blessings to you both.


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 4 years ago from Philippines

I have read many hubs of a parent's grief for the loss of a child. To put feelings of sadness into writing is hard but it is a way to acceptance and closure. This is a beautiful poem by itself and a touching tribute to your son. His picture shows a man at peace and I believe that he wish that for you too. Take care.


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Audrey,

"Precious visions take their place

Sketching memories of his face"

A beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your son. It moved me to tears.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Vinanya ~ Thank you my friend. It helps to talk about your feelings, but I find it more therapeutic to write about them. Take good care.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Poetic Fool ~ You have touched my heart with your words of truth and light. I just love Dennis Gabor's quote, "Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them."

Thank you for sharing this with me. I have plenty of music inside of me. Until now, I have only used it with my voice and piano. Now...I will find it in poetry as well.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

homesteadbound ~ You have a heart of pure gold. Thank you for such tender words. Your kind support is limitless. Peace and love to you Cindy.


Charlotte B Plum profile image

Charlotte B Plum 4 years ago

Dear Vocalcoach,

each time I read about your loss, my heart goes out to you. And at the same time, I realize how so many people have been touched by your heart and love through this loss. I don't wish for anyone to lose their precious child, and you have my deep respect, as I think that you are a wonderful mother - in addition to being a special person here on hubpages. =)


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

You know, Audrey, that I feel your pain firsthand, so I'm happy that you are able to express yourself in this beautifully-written cathartic poetry. I do know how much you must miss your handsome Todd with his ingratiating smile. He will always be deep in your heart.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States

I'm glad you can express your pain in such a beautiful way. I feel badly for you and it is plain how much you miss your husband. I think he lives on through your poetry as it sure touches my heart. Beautiful!


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas

He was much too young to go with so much to live for. I am so sorry for your loss. This moving tribute to Todd is a beautiful poem that will now live on in the minds of others.


Fennelseed profile image

Fennelseed 4 years ago from Australia

Dear Audrey, I feel every word you have expressed here, as through the pain, there is so much deep love and pride.

The love lives on, and your beautiful boy Todd will always be with you.

Let your love flow eternal like the sea that he loved so much and may the heartfelt words of all your friends and followers here ease the heartache a little.

A beautiful poem and tribute. Sending my loving thoughts and warm hugs, from Annie.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Rusticliving (baby girl) ~ We both share this loss. At times it still doesn't seem real, does it?

And yes, your Grandpa had a gift for writing poetry. Until you mentioned this, it just never occurred to me that I might have inherited a small corner of his talent.

Thanks for that...and thank you so much for the link. But most of all...thank you for your love.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dee - Thank you for your caring ways. You are so kind. I love the hugs!


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

My heart is aching for you.


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Audrey your magnificent heart carries so much love that you have poured into this writing. Todd is beaming with pride.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dearest Audrey ~ I'm so thankful for your touching comments. You have such compassion. I will never be the same again. My entire life changed when I lost my boy. It still seems so unreal.

It is because of beautiful, caring people like you here on hubpages that I'm able to keep going. Writing is my catharsis. Take care!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Hyphenbird - Hello, my friend. I read your words very carefully as you always leave me a strong and powerful message with each comment. You have a gift for seeing "behind the scenes" in my writing. You are in touch with the spirit and it is always apparent in your writing.

Thank you and bless you in all that you do.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Marcoujor - My heart has been touched with your lovely and heart-felt words. You are one of those very sweet people that I felt right "at home" with the very first time we met here on hp. And you have found your way into my daughter, Lisa's heart as well.

Thank you Maria and have a big HubHug from me.


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Oh Audrey what do I say ??I understand your grief and There is no such thing as 'Getting over it' as some say.

We do somehow to a certain extent adjust but accept the grief and understand it as it comes in waves.

They are also so close to us ;or rather this is what I feel that Erin is close;sometimes even closer than n she was before.

You are such a warm and giving person Audrey and I know that your handsome boy is looking down on you with great pride;so proud of his Mom. I am not just saying all this ;this is what I feel from within.

The fact that you are sharing your pain and grief is a sign of strength ;and a strength which I am sure will help someone else as they read these heartfelt words of yours.

Take care Audrey ;and here's lots of love and hugs for you all the way from Wales.

I am proud to call you my friend !!!

Eddy.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dearest Eddy, my precious friend - I am so full of peace after reading your beautiful and cherished words. I felt your presence right here with me, along with your love. My tears have turned from tears of pain and anguish to tears of relief and comfort as I read every word you wrote.

You have suffered the same loss with your beautiful Erin and I know you totally understand. You mentioned how this feeling of loss comes in waves and it sure does.

There are times when I am just fine and able to put this out of my mind. Then, for no reason at all when I least expect it, it all comes back, invading my entire being. When that happens, I turn to writing. It helps, so much.

Thank you my precious friend and comforter. How I wish I could hug you. One day I will come to Wales. :-)


prasetio30 profile image

prasetio30 4 years ago from malang-indonesia

A beautiful tribute for your son. I am sorry you lost him. I believe that you have wonderful memories with your son. But I hope you never stop to pray for him. I'll give my pray for him as well. Thank you very much. God bless you!

Prasetio


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Sueswan - Your sweet words are so comforting and I thank you. Your tears show your compassion and caring heart. Take care dear friend.


theseus profile image

theseus 4 years ago from philippines

OMG, you just broke my heart with this sooo tender yet soo sweet tribute. I am sure your son who is in heaven is looking after you.My heart goes out to you. My prayers too. God bless you.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Charlotte dear one ~ Your kindness through your tender words I hold so dear and thank you for sharing this with me. You are young but have such maturity. Life hold goodness for you. Hugs!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

drbj - Yes, my friend...I know that you have experienced first hand my own emotions and the longing that is never fulfilled. And it is only by writing about my feelings that I'm able to bear them. I thank you for your constant understanding and send you love.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Pamela - How beautiful and fulfilling are your words "He lives on through your poetry." This is a new way of realizing that Todd does live on as long as I write about him. Perhaps that is my way of trying to keep him alive. Thank you so much!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dearest Peg ~ Yes, Todd was much to young to go. And his children have paid a heavy price...a very heavy price. I worry about them always. We never think something like this can happen to us. It's so important to love our children and our loved ones while we can. Thank you, dear Peg!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Fennelseed ~ Your words are like a beautiful piece of poetry that will live in my heart. You know, too well, all about the loss of a child. You came to me, through hubpages, a time ago to share so much understanding, compassion and love with me. I shall never, ever forget.

Sending you a warm hub, dear Annie.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

breakfastpop ~ I know it is and I know how big your wonderful heart is. I also want you to know how much "dropping in to the Inn" and sharing thoughts and recipes help. Thankyou wonderful one!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

mcbirdsbk ~ I'm so much more at peace to realize that my Todd is reading this and "beaming with pride." How do I thank you for pointing this out to me? Thank you my friend for giving me this gift.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Pras, my friend and hub brother. Thank you for your prayers for Todd and for myself. Your gentle kindess is like a wave of release. Blessings to you!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

theseuse ~ I needed to hear that my son is looking out for me. You are so precious to remind me of that. In fact, it occurs to me that he can keep a better eye on me where he is now. Your beautiful heart and words will be with me to soothe my own heart when it needs it the most. Thank you...


frogyfish profile image

frogyfish 4 years ago from Central United States of America

Your loss has become gain, though its sorrow remain...and the hope you shared with others, shall go on and on...and on.

Thank you for a positive attitude even in the throes of grief.


Marsei profile image

Marsei 4 years ago from New Orleans

I have a son who will be 45 this summer. I cannot imagine your grief; it is unimaginable. This is a truly moving poem. I cry maybe twice a year. This was once.

Thank you for sharing so much emotion.

marsei


TheRightWord profile image

TheRightWord 4 years ago from Sunny California

Audrey, I had to read this twice. I feel like I can go back and read it several more times and feel yet another nuance each time. I lost my dear mother unexpectedly and at a very young age. Time has only healed parts of me, part of the time. I can imagine losing my child, but I'm sure I'm not even close to the pain you feel. Thank you for being so wonderfully open and sharing with us these difficult life lessons.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

TheRightWord - I'm so very sorry to hear that you lost your dear mother at a very young age. How terrible and lonely for you. I truly do understand what it' like to feel that "time has only healed parts of me, part of the time." We never feel completely whole again. I thank you with all my heart for your compassion and ability to relate. Thank you and please stay close.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

frogyfish - You will never know how much strength your comments have given me. You have brought me an awareness that I can help others through my own grief. I feel so good about this new knowledge you have passed on to me.

The words "thank you" don't begin to express my appreciation to you!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 4 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Marsei ~ Thank you for leaving me such touching and heart-felt comments. All we really have is love and intelligence. The love is so strong and continues on. The intelligence still asks why and though I may have the answer, my heart is not satisfied. You are precious!


ExoticHippieQueen 4 years ago

Oh, Audrey, I am so very sorry to read this about your son. I have 3 sons and can't imagine living through their deaths. You are a strong, courageous and beautiful soul.


RichieMogwai profile image

RichieMogwai 4 years ago from Vancouver

Beautiful, just beautiful. I guess the pain never goes away, does it? I lost my younger brother in 2009 and it never gets any easier. He was always like a big brother to me.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 4 years ago from North Carolina

Audrey, I will always remember the first time I read that your precious son had died from cancer. It was another hub and I was so taken aback. More than the grief I have experienced from the loss of my dear husband, you have had to suffer the grief of losing your child. Early on I have recognized that this is a deeper heartbreak in a woman's life. God bless.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Richie ~ As you know from your own loss of your dear brother, the pain lingers finding it's nest in the deepest part of the heart. I am truly sorry.

I'm sending you a warm hug filled with love from one that grieves with you. Thank you .

Dear Denise,

Loss of a dear loved one leaves an unimaginable emptiness. The heart reaches out, yearning, wanting just one more look, one more touch and so longing to hear a familiar voice just one more time. I'm so deeply sorry my precious friend.

I just added a sketch of Todd's baby picture and his favorite singing group "The beach boys." It's like I want to do something for him - but I am so lacking...

I wish you and I could wrap our lonely arms around one another and share a hug. Thank you.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

Such a lovely piece with such a fitting frame given by Charlotte Bronte, for such a wasteful and tragic loss. So sorry for your loss Audrey, you honor Kent and us by telling his story through your heart and her words! The sea happily takes the best souls, you can see them in the small waves that reach out to you as you sit and watch them rise and fall, so subtly giving their breath endlessly to La Mer. When you next sit on the beach and watch closely, you will know exactly what I mean... remember that and know that love... take care... PD


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

How do I show you my grateful heart? Your kind and beautiful words have touched me deeply. I feel your capacity to understand. What a gift that is. Thank you so much...I will never forget.


Pearldiver profile image

Pearldiver 3 years ago from Tomorrow - In Words & NZ Time.

Oh you are most welcome.... I know your heart a little already... from the words you have written both on your hubs and on mine and others.. I am pleased to be able to pass on something to you that I learned from such a heart, when young after losing a special person too. You take care... PD


Vickiw 3 years ago

Hello vocalcoach, I don't know how I haven't met you before! I feel so sorry for your tremendous loss, and admire you so much for choosing this positive way to write and in doing so help others. I look forward to reading more of your Hubs, and if you feel I might be of help, please email.


hawaiianodysseus profile image

hawaiianodysseus 3 years ago from Southeast Washington state

Dear Audrey,

No parent should ever have to outlive their child. The grief must have been/must be unbearable...and yet you've found a way to cathartically express that grief and transform it, along with the beautiful memories of your son, in your writing, your music, and your compassion for others. I pray that Todd's children are doing well and honoring their dad with lives that are rich and full of his legacy. Thank you for the love and courage in sharing this. Aloha and mahalo, Audrey!

Joe

PS I, too, was and am a huge fan of the Beachboys. Sadly, I see that Brian Wilson no longer does the beautiful falsetto for the group. I was trying my best to see who was doing his original part...maybe the guy to the far left? Still, it's good to see Brian recovering from depression and getting involved musically once again. What a genius he was to have crafted those astonishing harmonies when he was just a teenager!


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear hawaiianodysseus -

You are blessed with great compassion! Your words, so filled with Aloha, brings a rare type of inner comfort. Thank you.

As far as the falsetto voice goes, I think you're right about the guy on the left. I also read that Brian's voiced was pre-recorded and dubbed in for many recordings and concerts.


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 3 years ago from Orlando, FL

Bless your heart. A parent should never, ever lose a child. That has to be the most unbearable pain. At least that's what my mother had told me after losing two sons. The heart is broken forever. Thank you for sharing Todd with us. Hugs to you.


mary615 profile image

mary615 3 years ago from Florida

I love that quote you included by Charlotte Bronte. Time does not heal. Nothing can heal the broken heart. Time may lessen the times of the day when you think of a loved one who has died, but you never forget. I have lost parents, but thankfully no children. I don't think I would ever get over that!

I am a Christian, and I have faith, so I look forward to seeing those I loved again some day. Love and lots of hugs to you, Mary


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 3 years ago from Florida

My Dear,

My tears are flowing with empathy for your great lost. You were blessed with a wonderful son and now your memories in watching him grow up and becoming a dad are yours alone---sweet memories.

To keep in your heart or share---the beauty of his life is worth sharing and will help you also I hope.

No--- time does not heal all heartbreaks of losing a loved one---at least I have not felt the soothing salve of time healing my heartbreaks.

I am sending hugs to you and prayers.

Bobbi Purvis


moonlake profile image

moonlake 3 years ago from America

I'm so sorry you lost your son. Parents never get over the loss of a child no matter what age they are, they are still your babies. I agree time does not heal. Sending prayers to you.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 3 years ago

Im extremely sorry for the loss of your son to cancer. I lost my mom to cancer a couple of months ago so I can definitely empathize with how you feel. Shared with others


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 3 years ago from California

I am so very sorry for your loss Audrey--so sorry---Hugs and good thoughts to you--the pain never goes away, but it does get smaller somehow over time--


truthfornow profile image

truthfornow 3 years ago from New Orleans, LA

Sorry for your loss. I don't think the pain ever goes away, you just learn to live somehow with the loss. Your son seems like he was a wonderful man who was giving to others.


klidstone1970 profile image

klidstone1970 3 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

My heart sank as I read this. How do you comfort someone who has suffered such a loss? This was beautiful. Your son would be proud. Hugs to you and your family.


Maggie Bennett profile image

Maggie Bennett 3 years ago from New York

As a mother myself of two sons I cannot imagine the pain you must have felt and still feel. My heart ached for you when you wrote about being taken to a room full of strangers and seeing two police officers. Not something anyone wants to experience. My wish for you is that you find some continued comfort in sharing your experience with others.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

There are no words Audrey, only feelings of pain and sorrow. Reading this beautiful poem was difficult as it truly touches the heart. Our children are our lives and I'm sure a part of you will always be with Todd. Now he looks after you and I'm sure he smiled when he read this beautiful tribute.

God bless my friend, and may every day be filled with loving memories.

Voted up, awesome, and beautiful.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dearest Linda - I'm beyond sorry that your dear mother lost two sons. How I wish I could take her in my empty arms and just hold her close, For me as well as her, sometimes a nice warm hug is all that is needed to bring a temporary sense of comfort. Thank you Linda for reading this hub and thanks for the hugs. ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

mary615 - Charlotte Bronte has such a way with words. Her empathy for others is alive in her work. I see the same lovely quality in you Mary. I too believe that I will see my Todd again when I am 'called home.' I receive your love and hugs with deep gratitude. Thank you my friend. ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Bobbi - I can't begin to thank you for your dear, sweet and empathetic comments. I'm so sorry that you have to live with your own heartbreaks. How wonderful it would be if we could only have the power to heal these heartbreaks of one another. But words are powerful and help to heal. Yours have...and I thank you deeply. ~ Hugs back ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

moonlake - Thank you so very much for being here. You have an understanding heart. Our children will always be our babies regardless of the age. Being in touch with you, my hubpage friend helps to live through this journey.

I feel your prayers on my behalf and am grateful. Thank you ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

torrilynn - I'm so very sorry to hear that you lost your dear mom to cancer. A terrible and unforgettable thing to go through. It is still very early for you dear one. How I would like to hold you close and share in your grief. I am grateful for your empathy and thank you deeply. Please feel free to contact me anytime just to talk, if you need to.

You're a beautiful and lovely lady. Your mom did a splendid job! ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Audrey - One reason I'm so fond of your beautiful poetry is the connection I feel to my son as I'm reading. He was also a poet. Your empathy for my loss means everything to me. Thank you my friend.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

truthfornow - Thank you so much for your sweet understanding. And thank you for seeing the goodness in my son. I appreciate your comments. My best to you ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

klidstone 1970 - Your words are comfort enough. Your compassion and caring way show through your words. I especially love hearing that "Your son would be proud." The hugs are so nice to have and warm us all. ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Maggie - Your comforting words mean so much to me and help to fill my empty heart. This is something I never dreamed would ever happen to me. It still seems surreal. Writing for hubpages has been and continues to be a catharsis for healing. Friends like yourself are responsible for giving me strength to move on. I truly appreciate you. Thank you. ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

tillsontitan - There is not a sympathy card to compare with your beautifully worded comments my friend. I needed to hear this. I can now picture his magnificent smile as he reads this. Thank you so very much. Love, Audrey


Marsei profile image

Marsei 3 years ago from New Orleans

I was very touched by this. My parents lost a child when she was 6. I never knew her. She left before I came, but their grief was a part of my childhood. There was a locked trunk full of her things, her name was never spoken except twice that I remember. When I was an adult my father told me my mom sat by her grave for months after she died until he finally had to stop it. Expressing your feelings as you are is so healthy and cathartic, I believe. I wish they could have done it for themselves. No one will ever be able to answer why this happened to your son and I don't believe time heals all wounds, merely makes us more adept at bearing pain, but your writing will help so many who read it and perhaps that's one tiny part of why it happened. I am so sorry for this devastating loss you suffered.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Marsel - I've bookmarked this beautiful comment. And how right you are in recognizing how cathartic it can be to express yourself through writing. It pleases me to hear that perhaps this hub has somehow helped others. I love your compassion and kindness mixed with great capacity to understand. I, too am sorry for the loss of the little 6 year old. I'm sure the grief that your parents held affected you as you were growing up. It's all so confusing for children. Thank you dear hub friend for helping in my healing process. I am thankful ~ Audrey


BROTATI profile image

BROTATI 3 years ago from Kolkata

There are really no words which can condole the pain of losing one's loved one. I lost my father more than a year ago at an age of 81 years but I constantly wonder what I could have done to prevent it. However I believe that we all have some goal to reach in this world and once we have achieved it, it is time to go back. Your son must have been a great achiever.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 3 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Brotati - Oh, my, I thank you so much for the valuable lesson I've learned from you, my friend. Yes, Todd was a great achiever and I forgot about that. You have helped to bring me a sense of peace as I remember now what a fine man he was and all that he accomplished while on this earth. My heart goes out to you dear one, with the loss of your beloved father. Neither of us could have prevented the passing of these loved ones - as you have said, " it was time." Sending you warm hugs and hope you will stay close by ~ Audrey


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Audrey, what a painful loss. My heart aches for you. We're not supposed to outlive our children.


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Sha - I still have trouble dealing with this loss. It just doesn't seem real. I miss Todd so much. Thank you for your compassion. You're a great lady!


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 2 years ago from Florida

My Dear Friend,

I felt the need to visit this hub once again. I believe his spirit will always be with you and I hope your heart does not feel as bruised as it once did.

This is the most beautiful tribute from a mother to a son I have ever read.

I voted up and awesome.

Your friend,

Bobbi Purvis


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Dear Bobbi -

How very kind of you to return for another visit. Now I must share something with you. Today was a difficult day. I finally brought myself to looking at Todd's photos - I mean really looking at him. This has been impossible for me to do until today. A flood of tears drenched my face and I trembled so - I wrapped myself up in a blanket. I hadn't planned on turning on my computer. But I suddenly felt a strong desire to check out HP notifications and well...I found your comment. How you sensed that I needed to hear your beautiful, comforting words just amazes me. Your timing was perfect.

I just can't thank you enough, for your uplifting message. I thank you with a sweet calmness that you have brought to me.

So grateful to be your friend,

Audrey


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

Dear sweet Audrey, I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was a beautiful human being. Your words represent him well. He has not left you. Hugs and much love to you, my friend.


The Stages Of ME profile image

The Stages Of ME 2 years ago

Audrey,

Once again as I read these words I am touched by your heart. Such a beautiful tribute, So much love in these words. Memories of loved ones lost are some of the most difficult and beautiful at the same time. Feeling the loss of them in the flesh, is remembering them and also reminding us of their forever peace. I pray you are lifted up until you can embrace again in our forever home. So sorry for your pain today, and everyday, I pray a smile of joy swells in your heart as you remember fondly your son. God Bless


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 2 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

My beautiful Audrey.....I did not know this tragedy of yours until this moment.....my heart so heavy now & sobbing for the pain I truly know & share, I am void of words yet filled with a spirit of love and comfort...which I offer to you from the depths of my soul.......


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 years ago from West Virginia

A death of a loved one is always hard to bear. No matter what we do doesn't seem to end the pain of loss. I feel for you Audrey, really feel for you. I lost my dad on May 27, this year and you wish they were still here. We must go on though as hard as it seems. We all have our things to do in this life that we must finish. They have finished there and we must go on the finish ours too. We all meet again someday in the future. Remember the love...we take it wherever we go. HUGS


lrc7815 profile image

lrc7815 2 years ago from Central Virginia

Audrey, I stumbled upon this hub today and it turned me into jelly. I felt your love and grief in every word. It is clear that Todd was exceptional; one of those rare gems among men. He was handsome too. Really good mean are rare and those that could take on raising four children on their own are even more so. Cancer doesn't discriminate,, does it? As sad as this made me, it was equally beautiful and an amazing tribute to the son you loved so dearly. He was lucky to have you and you, him. Thank you for sharing your son with us this way. I would have been proud to meet him. Voted up, awesome, and beautiful. I


sprickita profile image

sprickita 2 years ago from Reno

I agree, the loss of someone is, if not just as fresh, then getting progressively worse with each passing day. I am sorry for your pain and wish you well, hopefully you are surrounded with love and support from others close to you. I will read the relating hub to find out the whole story, God Bless.


Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 2 years ago from Maui and Arizona

I am very sorry for your loss. I am happy for you that you choose to express and share your love for your son through prose and poetry (and music, I imagine, too.)


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

FlourishAnyway

Words that are spoken from the heart, heal the heart and here you are, you precious, caring friend. Do you know what peace you bring? I treasure your friendship. Reaching out to give you warm hugs and love. ~ Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

The stages OF ME

You are so kind to visit this hub again. I know it's not easy. It means the world to me that you have left me such a lovely message. My tears flow every day and leaving me a comment like this helps so much. Strength comes from friendships. Thank you. Audrey

Oh, Paula - I know about your loss and I'm truly sorry. You understand the pain that is always surfacing, even through laughter. The sting of tears when you least expect it still reminds us that we are alive.

Why do I still expect Todd to walk through the door, wrap his strong arms around me, and smile with a light that brightens up any room?

I want him back, Paula. Nothing else will do, ever. I will ask why? until the day I am laid to rest.

Thank you my soul sister for your immense empathy...for sharing your tender love and words of comfort.

Love,

Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

The stages OF ME

You are so kind to visit this hub again. I know it's not easy. It means the world to me that you have left me such a lovely message. My tears flow every day and leaving me a comment like this helps so much. Strength comes from friendships. Thank you. Audrey

Oh, Paula - I know about your loss and I'm truly sorry. You understand the pain that is always surfacing, even through laughter. The sting of tears when you least expect it still reminds us that we are alive.

Why do I still expect Todd to walk through the door, wrap his strong arms around me, and smile with a light that brightens up any room?

I want him back, Paula. Nothing else will do, ever. I will ask why? until the day I am laid to rest.

Thank you my soul sister for your immense empathy...for sharing your tender love and words of comfort.

Love,

Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 2 years ago from Nashville Tn. Author

Irc7815

You are so right when you say cancer does not discriminate. I hope to live long enough to see this horrible disease wiped away forever. Your beautiful words have touched me so. I actually feel a sense of peace and comfort - I thank you for that.

It's never easy to lose a loved one. I've learned that it's even life-changing to lose a child. The loss interferes with the natural cycle of living. Try as we do, balance of mind body and spirit never returns to it's natural state.

You are a precious friend and one that I'm so grateful for. Your words are full of truth and light.

Thank you so much,

Love,

Audrey


vocalcoach profile image

vocalcoach 24 months ago from Nashville Tn. Author

sprickita

Your comments bring me comfort my friend. So thoughtful of you to read this hub and take time to share your lovely thoughts with me. You've made a difference and I thank you. Audrey

Pamela

I am truly grateful for friends like you - so caring and dear. Writing and my music is a welcome distraction from re-living painful moments. Thank you so much.

Hugs,

Audrey


Laurinzo Scott profile image

Laurinzo Scott 3 months ago from Phoenix, Az.

Very , very touching... you are so brave to have shared your story ... and it must be the power of writing gives one to push through... I know the pain of losing someone (two in fact) to cancer... Bless you

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