Can I change who I am?

I often hear the words " I cant change who I am" with utter indignance from clients, loved ones and family members, usually in reference to somebody pushing their boundaries and making demands on them that they feel they cannot meet.

More often than not I ask the same question - 'Are they asking YOU to change or are they asking for your behaviour to change?" and more often than not, the aforementioned aggrieved party suddenly goes quiet, because they aren't so sure anymore.

The truth is, we aren't sure anymore WHO WE ARE!

Are you your thoughts? Your emotions? Your choices? Your behaviour?

When somebody asks you to "change" what are they really asking for? Now there are three clear different scenarios here and I should clarify before we continue. You may be in a relationship, in whatever form, with somebody who constantly harps on something you do that drives them nuts and you feel they are intruding on your definitive self and boundaries. The question you need to ask yourself is are they asking you to change a behaviour, a thought pattern, an idea, or are they asking you to change something about you as a person that is part of your makeup?

Picking up your dirty laundry, being polite, looking after your hygiene, these are all behaviours and can definitely be changed (for the benefit of yourself and all around you!)

Deciding a party is going to be awful before you get there or that your partners parents hate you before you've even met them are pessimistic mindsets and can be altered simply by allowing yourself to think about everything that could go right instead of everything that could go wrong

The way you laugh really loud when you are happy, or love to take your shoes off and walk in the rain, the way you always eat the meat last at dinner or how you whistle in the shower, your height and length of your legs can never be altered and they are also not entirely you either...however, these are the little things that make us unique and if your whistling when you're happy annoys somebody then truthfully that's their stuff not yours - unless of course you are whistling really loudly in bed next to your spouse at 3am!

You are a collection of unique experiences, thoughts, emotions, outcomes and behaviours but you are also a transient being with the ability to change, to grow and to develop. You CAN change the way you think and the way you behave and you can always improve, the truth is only you can choose whether its worth it for you!

Would it kill you to help do the washing up or pick up your socks for the benefit of peace in your home and a happy spouse? I doubt it!

Will it forever ruin you if you woke up in the morning with a smile expecting the cup to be half full? I doubt it!

Should you alter everything you are for another human being who makes you feel like you are less than amazing because you are 5.4" instead of 5.8'? Absolutely not!

You are here to be YOU, in your current form, on your current journey and ONLY YOU can choose what makes you happy.