Why a Cancer Diagnosis Leads to Loss of Friends

Cancer Diagnosis & Loss of Friends

I never thought I'd lose friends when I was diagnosed with cancer.
I never thought I'd lose friends when I was diagnosed with cancer.

Learning Big Lessons through Pain

I have tried to write this story for the last five years but just wasn't ready. It is still difficult to talk about, but feel I've come to a point in my journey to get it off my chest. I believe putting off writing about this experience means admitting what I tried to ignore for years. It also brings back so many different feelings. Feelings of pain, loss, sadness, abandonment, shame, low self-esteem, and many other emotions.

My story of lung cancer was difficult enough, but little did I know that with illness, can come loss of friends. I say friends of course, tongue and cheek, because the journey taught me the people that walked away from me, were NEVER TRULY MY FRIENDS.

I know details don't really matter, but at the time this happened, they consumed me. I went over and over them to try to make sense of it all. These three friends were all women I hung out with the last several years of my life.Two out of three of them, resided at the apartment complex I lived in. Two of the women were long time friends I considered deep soul-mates; friends I could trust to share my deepest secrets with. We had our ups and downs through the years, but I truly believed they loved and cared about me.

I was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2004 (although I never smoked) and was really terrified. I knew I had God, great family and friends, and all the support in the world. I never questioned losing friends, let alone the friends that I considered my 'Best Friends. Yes, cancer is a life-threatening illness, but the abandonment of dear friends was devastating.

I was in the biggest fight of my life. Every day for the next several months was a whirl-wind of doctor appointments, surgery, chemo-therapy and radiation. In the craziness of these days, I wasn't noticing what was missing. It was those people I thought were my dear friends. I figured it out in the following ways...





Lung Cancer Journey

Posing with family in 2004 during my fundraiser
Posing with family in 2004 during my fundraiser | Source

The First Friend to Abandon Me

I remember being on the computer to help organize the fundraiser my dear family was planning for me. I went into my email box and noticed a message from one of my good friends. Sorry to be graphic, but I was going from computer to the bathroom, as I couldn't keep much down anymore from the aggressive chemo they were giving me. I felt excited to check out an email from the friend that seemed missing from my life. This is what it read: "Linda, how dare your family have a fund raiser for you. I was there when you got the letter in the mail that put you on Medical Assistance for your illness. You do not deserve a fund raiser and it is wrong that your family give you a fund raiser." The rampage on the email continued, but I think you get the point. She ended the email however, by telling me she would be calling later to talk to me and that she would not participate in this deception. Between running to the bathroom to be sick from chemo and lying in bed, crying from the pain of abandonment, I wanted to die. I called my twin sister at work and told her about the email from my so-called friend. Knowing how sick I was, and now hearing me so upset about this, she came right home and took care of the situation. When so-called friend called, Laura was ready to deal with the craziness. You can imagine how the conversation went, dealing with a twin sister that is hurt for her spurned twin sister. What I will say, is she told her Never to call again and that we want nothing to do with her. My so-called friend told Laura, "How dare you have a fundraiser for her. You will be sending her to jail for fraud, and she's very sick because of the cancer and chemo and won't do well there."

The Second Friend to Abandon Me

The second friend showed her colors when my loving twin sister booked a limo for our birthday. Our birthday fell only two months after I finished Chemo and Radiation. I was told by my oncologist that my odds of survival were poor, about 20-25% within the first five years. This made our birthday even more important to us. We are so very close, and the thought of us leaving each other was horrifying. Long story short, after this friend received the email about the birthday celebration, she wrote back and said that she, just like the other friend, "could not participate in this." I believe she was put off about us spending money that may have come from the fund-raiser.These women were obviously in cahoots and working each other up about the love and support I was receiving during this time. Who cares if I did choose to use some of the fundraiser money to celebrate my life-I know-Who thinks like this? Funny thing is, Laura paid for it which was always the plan. By the way, it was a birthday celebration I will never forget. Not knowing if I would make five years, I was in every moment, and surrounded by unconditional love of true friends and family.

The Third Friend to Abandon Me

The last person in this sad tale wasn't as painful for me. We were more superficial friends living in the same apartment complex who went out on the town once in a while. We didn't have a deep connection like I thought I had with the other two women. I'm not saying it didn't hurt me, but it was much easier to deal with because we didn't have the depth and history. Her way of blowing me off was sending an email. Among other things, she told me I should give the money from the fundraiser, back to the cancer society. I called her back but she didn't answer. I did find the strength to leave her a message about how disappointing I found her message to be.

A Diagnosis and Losing Friends Taught Me Many Lessons

I am not a victim! As a matter of fact, these three women taught me a very important life lesson I will never forget. I have always been a care-taker which stems from a very difficult childhood. I put up with a lot of crap from people in the past; these gals included. The diagnosis of cancer was a wake up call. God was telling me I needed to start loving myself. I needed to start thinking about me and not everyone else. I now surround myself with loving people who support and love me. Relationships should be 50-50 and respectful. Looking back on the friendships with these three women, I see how often I sacrificed myself because of my insecurities, to make them feel better about themselves and ignore the truth.

Life is a journey of learning from our good and bad experiences. The cancer diagnosis gave me new eyes in many ways. It's my second chance at living fully without blinders on. Pain and struggles can be our best teachers and I feel incredibly blessed. I forgive the women for how they behaved during this difficult time in my life, but will never forget.

Forgiveness

Forgiving someone is easy, but being able to trust them again is a whole different story...

Abandoned because of Illness

Have you ever had friends or family abandon you because you were sick

  • Yes
  • No
See results without voting

© 2010 Linda Rogers

More by this Author


Comments 192 comments

VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 6 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

I am sorry to hear this! My goodness, you didn't deserve judgment but compassion from your friends. Its not as if you were conning others with a make believe condition. Medical assistance does cover all expenses. In the midst of this dissapointment, I am sure you found angels in your path, such as your twin sister.

I truly believe that when people step out of our lives, even if it hurts, its for a higher reason, the way and path has been cleared for us.

I wish you continuing wholeness, much peace and love.


carrie450 profile image

carrie450 6 years ago from Winnipeg, Canada

I'm so glad that I came over and read this. My heart goes out to you and I'm sure you are not alone. There are definitely many hurdles we have to get through after a Cancer diagnosis not to mention the emotional toll it takes. Sometimes it's a well meaning family member who think they know what's best for us. We have to be strong, think positive and keep our independence for as long as we can and keep away from those negative thoughts. I'm sorry you lost your so-called friends and glad you are feeling better. I've done a Cancer hub myself which I will continue after I finish Chemo. at the end of the month. You are correct in saying that cancer has give you new eyes. I feel the same way. So blessed that I have been given this time to reflect on my life and spend quality time with my family. I see things very differently since the diagnosis in June. Good luck to you. I wish you all the very best.


carolina muscle profile image

carolina muscle 6 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

Its a shame to learn about that facet of human nature the hard way... and it's great you have your sister to support you!!!


light82 profile image

light82 6 years ago from USA

Wow, what an ordeal to have to go through. *Big Hugs* I have moved around so many times, (58) that I have lost many so-called "friends". But I have kept in touch with just a few. I have gone through many trials in life, some I caused and some just happened. Even family have turned their backs on me, and some I still choose not to speak to. Thank you for shedding some light and strength on this sad topic.


Old Poolman profile image

Old Poolman 6 years ago from Rural Arizona

Unfortunately, it is only in the time of crisis that you find out who your real friends are. And most often, it is not the one's you thought were your true friends. Some who you thought you could always count on are the first to turn their back in your time of need. Others who you considered more as an acquaintance than a friend are the one's who step up to help. Friendship is truly a two way thing and is truly an unknown until it is tested. I'm truly sorry you had to experience this sad revelation.


ghomefitness profile image

ghomefitness 6 years ago from Chicago,IL

Sometimes as a caring person you think a friendship is deep but when you look back you realize it was very one sided. It takes an event to show their true colors. It is great your sister is there for you with a strong foundation of friendship and love. You look like bookends by the way, what a great picture!


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 6 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

Great hub. I was so there with you. I still can't fathom human beings being as cruel as they were to you. It was hard seeing you worry of them and be sicker than a dog with all the cancer treatments.

People should be loved even more so in troubling times. God had a good reason and I see it. Your much happier without them. I love you twinner. You are a strong, loving woman who is soooooo lovable.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear VioletSun-Thanks so much for your supportive and loving words. This was a really hard time but I know God had a plan. You are so right that he cleared this path for me. My loving family knew I was a single woman with no savings. Medical Assistance was a great gift in regards to the medical bills but I couldn't work for so long. I think many people are just ignorant about fund raisers. If a friend or family sees a need for a fundraiser, that should be the end of it and there should be no strings attached. So great to have a new hubber friend stop by. Thanks for your support, it means alot to me. It took me a long time to write this. God Bless :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Carrie-God Bless you for stopping by and giving me support. I did know you had been diagnosed with cancer and want you to know that you have been in my prayers and thoughts. I can hear that you are enjoying your family and seeing the beauty in life through this difficult time. Glad you are surrounded by loving people and positivity. I know it made all the difference in my healing and recovery. God Bless You:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Carolina-Don't know how I would have made it without my sister. It was a very hard and scary time. I love life and learned so much through this journey. Life is a gift and too precious to waste time with people who don't have your back. Thanks friend for coming by and commenting. This was hard to talk about but I knew it was time to get it off my chest on-line. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Light and thanks so much for being here. You sound like such a strong woman. Sometimes even family can be people we need to walk away from or limit time with if they are bringing you down. That's another lesson I have learned. I have had issues with other sibs and thank God that I was given a twin sister. Your support feels good. Thank You:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Poolman-Wow, everything you said in your comments are so right on. The friends I thought would be there for me, were the ones that were crummy. The friends I hadn't seen in years were the ones that ran to support me. Life is so weird sometimes. My Oncology therapist said that this is such a common theme and they hear this over and over from patients. You learn who your true friends are. I really appreciate your kind and supportive words. Peace my friend:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi ghomefitness-Your so right. I have a big heart and some time I give people more credit than they deserve. I take it you do the same. I guess when all is said and done, I'd rather be this way versus the other. Ya, we are quite the bookends aren't we? Thx for coming by, it is feels so nice for me:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi HT/Sis-I really don't know how I would have gone through it all without you. It was great to know that you could take care of the crazies so I could try to focus on dealing with the cancer and not all the drama. I am so blessed to have you. I know you saw them for who they were all along and never liked how they treated me. Thanks for letting me learn it on my own and loving me anyway. Your unconditional love had a lot to do with my recovery and survival. God Bless you Sister-Hugs Hugs and more Hugs...


Robwrite profile image

Robwrite 6 years ago from Bay Ridge Brooklyn NY

Very sad and touching. I can sympathize. When I went through a crisis (in my case, it was the death of some people close to me) my so-called friends abandon me. And some relatives disappointed me by swooping in like vultures to claim personal possessions from the departed. ("She would have wanted me to have this".)

People can be selfish and cruel. I feel for you.


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

Your story is unbelievable, you clearly have a heart full of love and it is in times of trouble that you really do find out who your true friends are. Take care of yourself.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Sorry to hear you have experience with this Rob. It's hard to accept that people you thought cared about you, didn't, isn't it? It is a good life lesson though. I am definitely not naïve anymore like I use to be. So sorry you were abandoned too but I'm sure you know it is meant to be and you deserve friends that are genuine. I also had experiences of relatives being vultures over possessions. Again, I was blown away how people can be. I appreciate that you stopped by Rob and Here's to Good friends and family:)


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 6 years ago from South Africa

Real friends are those who love you for who you are and not for what you mean to them. Evidently the latter will forget about you as soon as they here you are on your way out. And of course you will be so hurt and disappointed – it is truly awful to realize you were abused, not to mention the awfulness of knowing you are suffering a terminal illness.

But as you said: “Pain and struggles can (indeed) be our best teachers.” I’m so glad you feel blessed, and I know God will never stop to bless you. Take good care of yourself, lady! You are precious.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

acaetnna-I have learned how to love myself more and keep it simple in life. Life is great and we all need to surround ourselves with people that support us and love us. Took me something pretty big like cancer to figure it out but it's never too late. Thanks for visiting me acaetnna. Your a sweetie:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Martie-You so get how hurt I was and how awful it was. It means a lot that you see it for what it is. I got stuck in the details at the time because I was still so emotionally attached to what I thought these women were to me. Once I grieved it and worked through it, I saw how abominable it really was. They basically felt like I shouldn't have a fundraiser for selfish reasons and one explanation was that I was set up for Medical Assistance. This is a detail and why shouldn't my family give me a fundraiser when I was single with no savings and not going to work for a long long time. I see it all so clear now but that's part of life's learning curve. It means so much to have you stop by and wish me well. By the way, I am a miracle and will be celebrating 7 years cancer-free this St. Patrick's Day. The luck of the Irish we always say over here. Blessings friend:)


Tkumah profile image

Tkumah 6 years ago

I went into social isolation when the dental work was done and I became ill.

You are so lucky to have your sister. I think that I also learned to value my parents and sister. My brothers are same as those friends, I also think that you are lucky to learn so much so quickly in life.

Not everyone is so lucky to keep their soul. Some simply loose their souls.

When I look back I see that those so called friends are hardly able to deal with their problems let along with their feelings.

Those friends envied you even when your life was under threat.

"I" would take the sword right out of your heart, we do not know who is who but we learn.

Just think, they envied you but why? What do you have that they cannot ever have?

Smile:)


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 6 years ago from UK

Here in the UK we have Universal Healthcare so no-one has to worry whether their treatment will be paid for. Even so, it's not uncommon for friends and family to be helpful and generous when people have cancer. I've never heard of anyone saying that they don't need to treat a friend, or provide some extra support, just because the NHS has the medicines covered! I'm glad you were able to move on from this experience, and that you have such a kind and caring family.


Micky Dee profile image

Micky Dee 6 years ago

You have a friend! You are so friend-ed! God keep this soul healthy! God bless you!


you suggest one 6 years ago

people can be so cruel at times,and I mean all of us,two things I learned on my journey through this life are that time waits for noone,and true friends are very few,most of us fear these diseases and the trauma they cause because we do not know how to express the guilt we feel when these things affect people we know so some of turn to accusations against the sufferer thinking rather foolishly that these actions will cover the guilt we feel,what we don't realise is that all that happens is we just highlight our own ignorance of the situation,having said that I am most agrieved at your story,I watched hopelessly at a young age as both my grandparents died of these conditions and later my dad too,also several friends,my first wife had breast cancer at 35,which I supported her through,that was 25years ago now and although we are no longer married she fortunately made a full recovery,so in a way I know what you are going through,although I don't feel the pain you do,just remain true to yourself and the life you have,the ones who desert you are the ones who will suffer the most,you take care my friend,and never forget

we hubbers are always here.Big hugs from your friend across the pond.


GusTheRedneck profile image

GusTheRedneck 6 years ago from USA

Howdy MT - It is my own experience that being avoided by folks under the circumstance of serious illness or misfortune of some sort is not due to their callousness, but from their personal fear of something they'd rather not consider for themselves. They were afraid of your cancer for themselves. Those who stuck by you were people who overcame their own fears due to their feeling for you in your troubles.

Gus :-)))


always exploring profile image

always exploring 6 years ago from Southern Illinois

I can't imagine anyone being so cruel. They were never your friends.A true friend would be with you no matter what. I hope you are well. You are so fortunate to have a sister who will never abandon you.

God Bless you


lifegate profile image

lifegate 6 years ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

MT,

Sorry to hear about those hard times, but glad to see you're continuing on. True friends are hard to find, but once we do we'll be forever blessed.


justom profile image

justom 6 years ago from 41042

I actually read this when it was published but I have to digest this kind of news. I hope you're well now and I'm saddened by those you though were friends. I have only a handful of real friends and there is NOTHING I wouldn't do for any of them. In fact one just had a stroke 2 months ago, he's doing fine now but I talk to him more often just to make sure he's good. Good for you for finally getting this off your chest! Peace!! Tom


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I am truly shocked by the reaction of these women! And I'm not easily shocked. What a devastating realization this must have been.

I'm glad you've found out who are true friends. Enjoy their loyalty and love!


Kaie Arwen profile image

Kaie Arwen 6 years ago

You are a very brave woman. I count my true friends on one hand; the real ones, the ones who will be there forever no matter what. Sometimes people don't know what to do or say, so they say and do nothing. Others will say, "Oh. I know how you feel," when they have absolutely no idea how you feel.......... nobody can feel for you. It's the people who say nothing and hold your hand, the people who cry with you and not for you, the people who know how to hug and mean it, the ones who listen while speaking quietly, and the sisters who say what you can't. Real friends? We are blessed with few, but the ones we have are irreplaceable. I'm glad you're okay, and I'm sorry for the hurt. Kaie


Crewman6 profile image

Crewman6 6 years ago

Minnetonka, I'm sorry you had such a painful experience, and that people you thought were friends really weren't. You have a wonderful sister to stand with you so firmly, and a great way of looking at things. Thank you for sharing.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Tkumah-Your words are so full of wisdom. You are right that they envied something but I couldn't see it at the time because I was too attached. As time goes on I see more and more. I know their was a huge jelousy of my twin sister and the connection and love we share. I know one of the women was having major financial problems. I know one woman was off meds. But the details do not matter to me anymore now that I detached from these toxic so-called friends. I would have rather been healthy and not sick and not needed a fundraiser. I don't think they would have switched places if they really thought about it. Thanks so much for reading this Tkumah and sharing your insights with me. Very comforting:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Amanda-Wow, it's great that noone has to worry about healthcare. In my case I didn't know I was going to be eligible for Medical Assistance or not but my family knew either way that I needed financial help. I ended up getting the letter in the mail, just before the fund raiser but that wasn't a deal breaker for the family. I needed help to live with no job. I appreciate you coming by and supporting me. I feel so relieved to have toxic people out of my life.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Oh Mickey, I have goosebumps as your heart warmth came right through the computer. God Bless you for being my friend. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

you suggest one-You words are so full of wisdom and truth. I have tears in my eyes as I read the caring and support. It was a hellish time in my life with the illness and the abandonement but I see why it all happened. God knew he had to get these people OUT of my life and this was obviously my last straw as I saw them clear once they did this. You are right that many people get scared and guilt ridden and so on and put that on the sick person. wow, I never knew how me getting sick would make me see and learn so much. Even certain family got weird of my relationship with my twin. As I was rolled down for surgery, my older sibs yelled at Laura for crying. They told her, "Don't you think were sad too, she's our sister too you know." Yikes, I saw so much family dynamics when I got sick but that will be another hub. God Bless you for taking time to make my heart heal. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Gus and thanks a million for sharing your wisdom here. I know there are so many feelings and emotions that happen to others when someone they are close to is diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. My oncology therapist told me it is very common to lose friends but the ones who stay are the ones to keep. You are right, not only did I have insecurities and feel like I was doing something wrong at the time but their actions showed their vulnerabilities too. This is why I love hugpages because when I wrote this, that was healing but the comments are really teaching and helping in my healing. There is always someone who see's something I don't. Peace friend and so glad I found you today.


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 6 years ago

I thought at first that they couldn't be with you when you needed them most, because they couldn't deal with your life threatening illness - and their own emotions about it. That would be sad and painful enough, but ultimately understandable. The way you were abandoned at your darkest hour is aggregious, minetonka twin. How that emotional assault affected your immune system when you needed it the most, makes it murderous. I'm so very glad you survived and were able to share about it - and let go of the toxic energy of it now. Happy 5th anniversary of being cancer free too!


UlrikeGrace profile image

UlrikeGrace 6 years ago from Canada

Wow Minnetonka Twin...as i was scrolling down to get to the comments section of this hub I was amazed! You now have lots of friends...How awesome of God to replace what was lost with so much more and so much better. I am so grateful that you came out on the better end of this expereince...Blessings to you my friend...Love Ulrike Grace


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

always exploring-Now that I have detached from the emotions I too see how cruel they were. Can you believe that I almost called off my fundraiser because I was feeling such shame and guilt. My family sat me down and and talked me through it. Now looking back I see how much work these woman were which says it all. Friends in my life now are a joy and love me back. It means a lot that you came to my hub. You are so sweet:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi lifegate. It was worth the wait figuring out who my true friends were. Thanks for stopping and supporting me with your kind words. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

justom-I can see what a good friend you are by your actions with your friends. You are the kind of friend we all look for. I appreciate you coming here to talk to me. It does feel good to talk about and the support from my hub friends like you makes me know I did the right thing by writing about it. God Bless:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi lorlie6-It was definitely an eye-opener for me to experience this as a result of a cancer diagnosis. It sure did weed out the bad eggs and I am so grateful for that. Thanks for stopping by and being a part of the healing process. It really feels good to talk about it and hear from my hubber friends. God Bless:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Kaie-You are right that the real friends listen, hold your hand and do things for you that you can't do. I am so lucky to have a circle of friends that are true blue now. No more friends that don't give back anything but always want from me. You don't know how much it means to me that you stopped by with your warmth. This was tough to talk about but I am so glad now that I got it off my chest. I love my hubpages family:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Crewman-It was a painful experience but I sure learned a lot. I am so blessed to have a twin sister that I know is always there for me no matter what. She really handled things at the time because I was too sick and too hurt. Your so sweet to stop in and give me support. Thanks so much :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Kim-You hit the nail on the head and I couldn't have said it better. I do see now that it was horribly sick to be attacked in this way, especially when I was fighting for my life. I had my twin sister read this comment and she said this is EXACTLY how she felt and saw it, as it happened. She would not let me take their phone calls and handled it all so I could focus on getting through the chemo. I appreciate how well you spelled it out. I had to look up the word, "aggregious." LOL. It definitely fits. Thanks Kim for your friendship here. It means so very much to me:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

UlrikeGrace-Yes, all my friends like you on hubpages have been a MIRACLE in my life. I am so glad I finally wrote this with people I trust. I can't tell you how healing this is to get it off my chest and get your support. God Bless you:)


Susette 6 years ago

OK, so you were approved for medical financial aid. Does that pay your house note? Rent? Bills, Old Bills? Clothes, Laundry, tickets, Car note? Each and every month? What is wrong with these women?


kimh039 profile image

kimh039 6 years ago

Minnetonka. No wonder you had to look it up! It was spelled wrong. It should be egregious not aggregious! Although, I do like my spelling better because it captures the covert aggression! Take care.


gmann46 profile image

gmann46 6 years ago from Phx., Az.

I am sorry tom hear about your friends and the way they reacted to your sickness. My brother is going thru the same thing right now and I can tell you our family is supporting him all the way. Thank god for your family!


Kim Mooney 6 years ago

I have always said that a friend is someone who you can call and say you need them. They in turn ask "when" and not why and how much. One survivor to another.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

susette-I know, right? and the details of the need I had financially, should not have mattered to them. Now that I have grieved what poops these so-called friends, I realize that it was none of there business. Hey, I am blessed to be loved and my family wanted to help me out. End of story. I do wonder if they have looked back at what they did to me and see the error of their ways. I really thank you for coming by and giving me such kind words. Peace:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

gmann-So glad to hear your all right there for your brother. He will get through this and the love of family and true friends are key in this fight. God Bless and thank you for your kind words. My thoughts and prayers are with your brother.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

AMEN Kim Mooney, AMEN. You just said it all. Bless you for stopping in and being a Friend:)


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

I am glad you are alright and want to address the issue you brought up...the loss of friends.

I am sure that it was painful..but it is a defense mechanism for people. They do not want to confront the fear of losing you..because losing someone you love is painful..

So people prevent themselves from experiencing this pain by running away. It does not mean they suddenly did not love you anymore. That cannot happen. It does not happen.

Many many hugs.

Melinda


schoolgirlforreal profile image

schoolgirlforreal 6 years ago from USA

Hi, beautiful song by James Taylor...so touching at times.. I am sorry to hear this, but also proud and happy you became so strong. Being a twin is something I imagined being, thought it would be cool. Glad you had you "best" friend, your twin supporting you and your family.

I know what it's like to grow up in rough situations, and I'm glad you have the blinders off and can take care of YOU. That's an amazing lesson not everyone learns...so perhaps this was a blessing as you say.

I wish you the best~May God keep blessing you ...


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

You have been through so much Dear and Precious heart, but you have many people here who love you, and I am one of them. GBY and Forever.


okmom23 profile image

okmom23 6 years ago from Midwest, U.S.A.

I am so glad you shared your story, and you have recovered!

I was saddened to hear about the abuse your so-called "friends" put you through at a time when you needed them the most. God was there for you, along with your precious Sister. I'm sure this was a difficult hub to write, but you did it beautifully! I wish you many more blessings.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Oh dear Melinda-You are so sweet and I thank you for your kind words. I do think they loved me as best they could but they were cruel. I knew I had to keep my focus on my recovery and not get caught up in their drama and anger of my family having a fund raiser for me. I forgive them but will Never forget:(


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Schoolgirl-You are so full of wisdom with your words to me. I really don't know if I would be so strong without my twin sister. She is always there to help me through the tough times and always supports me. I am so blessed to have her:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Stars, You are one of my dearest on hubpages. I just want you to know that your kindness to me here, means EVERYTHING. I feel very comforted by you and thank God I found you on this site. You are such a lovely person and good supportive friend to me. GOD BLESS YOU:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

okmom-You are so sweet. Thanks so much for stopping in and making my day. It was a difficult time and so glad I am out of that pain of the loss of what I thought I had with those so-called friends. It means the world to have you come by and remind me I am not a bad person for having my family do a fundraiser. God Bless You:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

okmom-You are so sweet. Thanks so much for stopping in and making my day. It was a difficult time and so glad I am out of that pain of the loss of what I thought I had with those so-called friends. It means the world to have you come by and remind me I am not a bad person for having my family do a fundraiser. God Bless You:)


msorensson profile image

msorensson 6 years ago

I was thinking of that word today..when I woke up...cruelty, whether or not it is deliberate...but sometimes what appears to be deliberate cruelty is the most compassionate act an aware being can do.

It is the unconsciousness of cruelty that is cruel but in this unawareness it is the deliverer that is punished, not the one it was done to, Minnetonka Twin.

And therein lies my last question..my last koan if you will.

Thank you for answering it for me.

I wish you hope, faith and love, but the greatest of these is love.

For love encompasses all of it. The whole of creation.


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

I am all choked up and wondering why some people can be so cold.Then thats why people think different and have their own opinons on everything.I have learned long time ago to believe in yourself and no matter what others think You know different.In time some people see an errors in there ways and some never do.So be it.I have never gone through the most horrifying expereinces you have gone through.I can only share my best and kindest thoughts and wishes for good health and happiness.I hope that with a thought you know how I feel.I hope with a prayer you are blessed from head to toe.I hope with a smile you are covered with happiness.I no longer hope I know it to be true.Friends come far and wide and from the strangest of places.A cat to some but to others a world of love in all its traces.Peace and great memories are meant to be shared.I have a confession to make.I usually read a hub and then have to read every comment to that hub like it was part of the hub.Then I post.I glanced ahead and your lovely friends were miles long with such caring comments I had to skip to the end to post my thoughts.I will be back to read them all.I have tears in my heart for the thoughts that made you sad.I also have an enormous feeling of enlightment from so many people that care.Have a very nice day...


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Melinda-You bring up a really good point about the whole cruelty issue. Thanks for sharing it with me, I really appreciate it. Your so kind:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

DREAM ON-What a beautiful commentary you wrote me. I am truly touched that you put your heart and soul into supporting me. Your words are so heart warming and eloquent and I thank you for it. Now you have me choked up. God Bless You and your wisdom here:)


ralwus 6 years ago

Been there myself and know all about it. I too lost some friends and even family members didn't know how to deal with it. Many are gone now due to cancer and I am still here, though not cured, just a remission and I know it will get me in the end but I can deal with it now in a positive way. It was pretty tough on my wife and I for quite some time. I hope you are free from the wickedness now. Much love, Charlie


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Isn't it something how different people react to illness. I am so glad your alive and well. I will keep you in my prayers ralwus. Peace


FriendofTruth profile image

FriendofTruth 6 years ago from Michigan

Recently I was studying the book of Job, and one of the most important lessons that I learned from it, is that when times of trial come for others, we have to be careful not to misjudge that person, we have to be a good friend...I hope you will be blessed with good friends, ones that you can truly count on...

God bless you!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thank you for sharing the book of Job with me. What a great lesson. I know much of the judging was due to jelousy, envy, and other issues that they struggled with. God Bless you for your support:)Isn't it funny, I still dream about them often and will always love them but I know these friends are not people I want to spend my precious time with as the trust is gone and I deserve more. Blessings:)


AlexK2009 profile image

AlexK2009 6 years ago from Edinburgh, Scotland

Nasty experience with your ex-friends but it is common. I know of someone who went bankrupt and was then shunned by their friends.

At least now you know who your friends are.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Alex-How ridiculous. Bankrupty is not a big deal. LOL, I went through that too, years before. Some of this behavior from so-called friends or family stems from ignorance I think, HMMM


FloBe profile image

FloBe 6 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

When you're in the midst of fighting a physical battle, it is the emotional support you need the most. It is here that the greatest damage can be done and that very thing is often overlooked. When you're hurting because of betrayal and cruelty it saps much-needed energy to heal the body. So sorry you had to go through this at a vital time when you needed the most support in EVERY way. Glad you're here now with people who truly care.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi FloBe-I was blessed to have other great friends and family to get through the betrayal. My twin sister was so upset because she knew it was zapping my greatly needed energy and immune system. I agree that the emotional support is a huge piece of recovery from illness. I was so blessed to move in with my twin sister and her two kids. They took such good care of me and I know that's why all is well today. Blessings for your kind words.


amy jane profile image

amy jane 6 years ago from Connecticut

When I read the title of your hub, I thought at once "how terrible" and "I'm not surprised." It's so sad, but I think another commenter observed that it is a defense mechanism for some people. Often, people don't know how to deal with your situation and they would rather walk away than confront it. I experienced this myself over recently, when I had my own life crisis of sorts. My sister was my lifesaver! Thank God for sisters. :) I'm glad yours was there to defend you.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

No doubt about it that many don't know how to handle it and it comes out in differen't ways. Some get rude, some just don't come around and others think of things to be mad about like a fundraiser, probably for an excuse to not have to deal and confront the illness of their friend. I am so grateful you had your sister. Sisters are amazing. I am glad your sister was there for you too. God Bless amy:)


Amber Allen profile image

Amber Allen 6 years ago

Thank goodness you had your twin sister, your family and your true friends to love and support through this bleak time. The cowardice of these so called friends does not excuse their cruelty towards you. Stay strong.

Amber:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Amber and so cool to see one of my new hubber friends. Thanks a lot for your kind and comforting words. Your right that there are no excuses for the cruelty but as human beings we all react to things in differen't ways. I still think and dream about my ex buddies but I am way happier now without them. Looking back, I put up with a lot of crap from them and kept letting them get away with it. My twin sister would always tell me they weren't TRUE friends by the way they acted. She was sooo right and the cancer finally helped me see it Clearly.


akuigla profile image

akuigla 6 years ago

My love,my prayer and my support goes to you.I was betrayed by my own brother, so I deeply feel your pain about your so called friends.

Carlos Castaneda said that beautifuly in the words of Don Huan"if something is the way of the heart,it is good from the beginning".


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 6 years ago

I know it being Thanksgiving I just wanted to make a visit and show my friendship and wishing all your prayers are answered.Enjoy The special holiday with your family.Your hubs I can read again and again.


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 6 years ago from South Africa

I think those women who abandoned you were more scared than cruel, and hid their terror of mortality by being judgemental of you. I am coming more and more to the view that what keeps us from being empathetic is our terror of death. Because if we allow ourselves to feel another person's pain we might encounter the reality of death in that pain. So we avoid it by dismissive or judgemental behaviour.

My dear mother-in-law Esme Pollard was diagnosed with lung cancer about six months ago and is now, after a really horrific experience with chemo (didn't even get to start radiotherapy) she is so debilitated that death is very near, perhaps days away now. I guess it's the fact of her imminent death plus an increasing awareness of my own age that is starting me to think about death and its meaning for life. I am more and more convinced that I cannot live meaningfully without confronting, really and honestly, my own death. I'm still working on how to do that.

I am not in any way trying to excuse the behaviour of your erstwhile friends, just to understand it. What they did was horrible and I really feel so much for you. To feel abandoned just when you most needed some closeness and support, that is just too dreadful. I admire you for writing this Hub and sharing the experience with us. You are one brave lady!

Love and peace

Tony


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Akuigla-I have goosebumps after reading your comment. So very sorry to hear that you were hurt by your own brother. Truth be told, My older sister wasn't kind either when other family and relatives were setting up the fundraiser. She also refused to go on the limo with twinner and I. Can you imagine saying no to me when I was told I probably wouldn't make it five years but she felt it was ok to judge what I used the fundraiser money on. I don't even think we used the fundraiser money on it but that's not the point. She also came over after fundraiser and saw a Lund's bag. She yelled at Laura and I for spending money at a higher end grocery store, again assuming it was from the fundraiser. How dare she have rules about how I spent the money. I have never gotten along with her well over the years because as you can see, she is a bitter woman. I no longer put up with her crap and limit my time with her.

My prayers and support are with you as I know what it's like to lose someone you thought had your back. You are not alone.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

DREAM ON-You are so sweet to pay a visit on Thanksgiving. I hope all is going well in your life right now. I thank you for your friendship here. You are a blessing:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Wow Tony-Your words are like warm and loving peace enfolding me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me and giving me a perspective that can help in my healing. We are all a bunch of scared little kids that are growing older. I guess I took it soo personally back then but am learning it was more about their stuff than mine. God Bless You for coming by:)


Amy Becherer profile image

Amy Becherer 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I am sorry to hear that you had to endure such a horrendous illness and treatments. It is equally horrendous to encounter not one, but three, superficial busybodies with nothing better to do than critique their "friends". Believe me, you are not the only one who was privy to their special brand of friendship, as these women love to stir the pot. They never really offer any concrete help to anyone, but seem to delight in adding to a burden. As far as I'm concerned, these friends need to know that if you're not helping, you're part of the problem, so please, get out of the way. Thank you for sharing such a painful part of your life. I am sure your beautiful piece will help someone in need.


Tammy L profile image

Tammy L 6 years ago from Jacksonville, Texas

Thank you for sharing you inspiring story. I am both delightful you are a survivor and saddened you were treated so callously by your so-called friends. May they never experience the loss of a loved one to cancer, the tragic devastation it causes to their own mental and physical health nor the inability to afford the expensive treatments associated with cancer.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

Amy, thank you soo much for your beautiful words and support. I look back now at those friendships and see how much crap I was putting up with. It's funny how painful experiences can end up being so helpful and healing. I would NEVER put up with friends like that again. This experience taught me so much. It means a lot that you put so much into your comment and know your words are an important part of my healing process.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 6 years ago from Minnesota Author

God Bless your kind words Tammy. I have often wondered if they now see the error of their ways. It doesn't matter as I will not hang out with them ever again as this was just the straw that broke the camels back. There had been many incidents during these friendships which I now see so clearly. Hopefully, if they ever get a life-threatening illness, they will not be treated as they treated me.


2patricias profile image

2patricias 6 years ago from Sussex by the Sea

Hello M.Twin,

What a sad account of the behaviour of your supposed friends! Cancer has many strange effects on your whole life - not just your body.

One of the positive effects (usually) is that it gives you such a clear focus on the important things in life. Health is important, love is important and then most other things are secondary. (Vast simplification there!)

I hope that life is going better for you now and will continue to go well in 2011.


Happyboomernurse profile image

Happyboomernurse 6 years ago from South Carolina

Am so sorry that you experienced such cruel treatment from several of your friends. As some of the other commentators so correctly pointed out, medical bills aren't the only financial drain that a person experiences while fighting to survive cancer.

God bless your wonderful sister and her husband for opening their hearts, home and pocketbook to you as well as your family for planning your fundraiser so you could get through an extremely difficult time of your life.

Thank you for sharing your experience so that others in similar situations can benefit from it. When fighting for your life, one must focus all their energy on getting well and allow the loving support of others and must learn to let go of those who behave without compassion and love. With the help of your sister and family you were able to do just that and are now doing well.


breathe2travel profile image

breathe2travel 5 years ago from Gulf Coast, USA

How sad. I suppose the women did not realize you needed more than mere "medical assistance" - like money for living.

I have had people who turned their backs on me when I went through financial struggle - and when I was "seizing" unexplicably. Thankfully, that season is behind me!

Sounds like you "cowgirl up" 'd & are better off for the tragic display of disloyalty.

warmest regards~

ps... don't capitalize "cancer" - you're stronger than it! ;)


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

It is unbelievable how cruel some people can be. Reading your story brought out so many emotions within me. As you know I too have fought the battle with cancer and I cannot imagine how much harder it would have been to go through this fight having friends react and do what these women did to you. Thank God you are still here to share with us today. Stay strong! Hugs


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

2patricias-You are right on the money. Cancer does simplify life. You see what's important and what isn't. I have made many changes in my life since the diagnosis. God Bless you for reading my hub and giving me support on this. Peace:)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Happyboomernurse-You are so kind and gentle in your words to me. You are so right that medical bills are only part of financial problems. I was a single woman with nothing in savings. When I told my oncology therapist this story, she said people get really scared when someone they knows gets a disease. She also said that she hears this story of loss of friends often. She also educated me that anyone can have a fundraiser for any reason. I guess part of the pain of them bad mouthing the fundraiser was that it was them also bad mouthing my loving family that believed I needed it. Thanks for sharing your heart with me on this hub. This was a tough time for me but now I am so happy and can't imagine hanging out with these people again. Life is too short and too precious to deal with this kind of drama with so-called friends.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

breathe2travel-Thanks for all your support on my hubs. I really appreciate it. Yes, I think some of this behavior comes down to ignorance of a situation. I really felt like they were thinking I needed to die to deserve a fundraiser. As I just wrote that sentence I realize how unbelievably crummy they were to me. Anyway, thanks for your support on this.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Susan-God Bless your kind words. It feels so good having a hubber friend that knows what this struggle is like. I am definitely strong and learned so much from this bad experience. I know God was telling me that I couldn't make excuses anymore for how they treated me. I finally saw the writing on the wall loud and clear and it said, "WE ARE NOT TRUE FRIENDS." My life is now full of love and peace. No more high maintenance friendships. I thank God I had my twin sister dealing with this drama, so I could try to focus on healing and surviving. I am so glad you are here too-Here's to many many years on this earth (to both of us). God Bless:)


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 5 years ago from Tucson, Az.

These poor empty souled individuals must be miserable inside. How awful it must be to be completely hollow, and have a void that large within. My first impulse is to back hand them both, but what they really need is some serious prayer. I'm so glad you found victory over cancer MT. I've lost my mother and three friends in the last two years to that horrible disease.

I was slow to get here, but glad I got to read this!

jim


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Jim-Thanks so much my friend for reading about my experience with people I thought were my friends. I will be seven years cancer-free this coming St. Patrick's Day. I am so grateful to be here and grateful that I am surrounded by people that love me. cancer is such a horrid disease indeed. I have also lost many to this disease. Peace and hope your holiday season is going well so far. :)


DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 5 years ago

I have only seen th effects of cancer through friends and relatives like Aunts and Uncles.I just try to think of what it would be like for one day of chemo and how mentally and physically I would be totally wiped out.I try to bring out the smile in people.I don't know what to do with tears.They just break my heart and I wish it wasn't so.I know technology and advances in medicine are tremendous.I keep hoping for more cures.I think at times like this I just like to pray for those who are trying to get healthy and maybe someway we can make other people strong.Once again I feel your pain and with deep compassion I wish you the best.Keep writing and I want to hear about all the good things that nock your socks off.Even if for only a minute we can pretend cancer never exists.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

DREAM ON-Thanks so much for your heartfelt message here. I would love to pretend that this disease doesn't exist. Here's to rainbows and sunshine and little puppies. LOL


Glemoh101 profile image

Glemoh101 5 years ago

Yes i agree with you , I like the hard times because its show me who is my real friend from who just say I'm your friend!!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Glemoh101-You and I are blessed to know this important life lesson. Many of us continue to put up with too much from people and sacrifice ourselves. Thanks for reading my hub. Happy New Year to my new hub friend:)


earnestshub profile image

earnestshub 5 years ago from Melbourne Australia

I saw the same thing with so-called friends when I got cancer. As soon as it looked to be terminal, people just disappeared out of my life. Not all of them, but enough to be very upsetting at the time. It took me 5 years to recover. That was 15 years ago, and I am now fit enough to hold a full grown bull out to pee, so stuff em!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Ya-stuff em is right.

It's so shocking to me how many stories I am hearing about how we lose friends when were sick. I had no idea this was so common until I was diagnosed. I love hearing that your doing well and fit as a fiddle. Here's to us survivors. To those who blew us off when we most needed them, they are the ones that lost out.


Wrath Warbone profile image

Wrath Warbone 5 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

Hi,

Did you ever hear of the Budwig Cancer Protocol? Please read Cancer: Its Cause And Cure by Johanna Budwig. She was a Phd in Physics and Biochemistry who was nominated seven times for the nobel prize for her ground breaking work with making fats more understandable to scientists. Later, she discovered that the fat tissues in cancer patients are always mishapend and prescribed a simple inexpesive treatment using Flax Oil and cottage cheese to restore the fat tissues in the blood to normal. Her patients recovered ninety five percent of the time. When taken to court many times about her claims she won always. Google "Budwig Cancer Protocol", treatment or cure and find lots of free info on the subject.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hello Wrath and thanks for your great recommendation. I will go into that site post haste. This sounds really amazing. I take a lot of supplements and one of them is omega 3 flax oil. Thanks again, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness:)


Wrath Warbone profile image

Wrath Warbone 5 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

Thanks for your kind reply. Johanna Budwig's inexpensive books are available at amazon.com.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Awesome-Thanks Wrath:)


kaiyan717 profile image

kaiyan717 5 years ago from West Virginia

It is truly sad to see the truth of our friends. God Bless and I am glad you can find comfort and power in writing.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thank you kaiyan. It does help to write about it. That's why I love to write because it's so healing empowering. I appreciate you coming by:)


chuckandus6 profile image

chuckandus6 5 years ago from The Country-Side

I agree that It is a terrible feeling but I do believe people worry about seeing their friends/family sick and actually become withdrawn. Great posting though and I am glad that everything is going great.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks for stopping chuckandus. I realized after my diagnosis that I was dismissing a lot of bad treatment fromm these three friends but I wasn't ready to see it until this. I am grateful I had the eyes to see it for what it was after so much.


moonlake profile image

moonlake 5 years ago from America

I never had people walk out on me that were my friends when I became sick but I did have people not want to be friends with me when they found I was sick. It's a shame those women treated you that way.

Good Hub.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks Moonlake-Everything happens for a reason and as painful as it was to accept they weren't true friends, It taught me alot and made me stronger.


Sneha Sunny profile image

Sneha Sunny 5 years ago from India

Sad to hear that, Linda... It's better to have no friends than having friends like this. But I'm glad that the hard time has gone now and now you know who is actually your true friend and who was just 'pretending' to be your true friend. Every incidence in our life teaches us some very important lessons. Even a small incidence. And we should never ignore them. Your story is helpful for others as well. Awesome hub...though sad.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 5 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Sneha-You sure are wise for someone your age. Yes, I learned so much in that painful time. Don't waste time on people that don't have your back and live life everyday as if it's your last. It was a sad experience but I look back now and am so glad I cleaned house with people in my life that were dragging me down. Have a great weekend :-)


molometer profile image

molometer 4 years ago

Hello Linda,

With friends like that who needs enemies?

I can honestly say that I know how you feel.

You know my Linda is on chemo-therapy, it almost killed her. People just do not get it at all.

I am so happy that you are here now.

We learn some harsh truths in tough times.

Life is truly precious. Shame about those so called friends. Voted beautiful and awesome sharing.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear molometer-Is Linda going through chemo right now? What type of cancer does she have if your comfortable saying. Chemo was hell for me and the last thing I should have been worrying about is these so called friends causing drama. I hope Linda is doing alright now. Please let me know. Your both in my thoughts and prayers. I also want to thank you for sharing this story and hitting buttons for it.


janikon profile image

janikon 4 years ago from Toronto, Ontario

I cannot believe these supposed friends would treat you so badly, especially considering what you were going through. I have seen people battle cancer and it takes so much from them, what anyone needs is support not ridicule and spurn. You are a strong woman for being able to deal with this, and I am happy to see you have a strong familial system to aide you.

Voted Up. Awesome. Beautiful and Interesting. Sharing, as well.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much janikon, I really appreciate your kind words. I look back now and see how many red flags there were with these so called friends. They say that every difficult situation in life can teach us something and I have learned to love myself more and not put up with people that want to drag me down. I am much stronger now and more thoughtful about who I choose to hang around.


breakfastpop profile image

breakfastpop 4 years ago

I am so sorry that you had to endure this while literally struggling for your life. They were never your friends and were never worthy of your friendship. I wish you only the very best. Enjoy your second chance and never give any of them another thought. I think you are courageous and amazing.


AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 4 years ago from California

Such a difficult experience for you and such a difficult hub to write. So much pain and difficult times--But you are a survivor--a strong and capable woman with a truly loving family--you and your sister as so very close--I am sure that was some consolation during those times and even now--


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much breakfastpop-Your words are very comforting. It was a horrible time and I'm just glad I figured out what I kinda knew all along. The cancer diagnosis really had me clean house on those so called friends. I only surround myself with positive people that really have my back, nowadays. I appreciate your support :-)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Audrey-I don't know what I would have done without my loving sister. She was so mad when she heard of what was going on and took over. She told me to only think about my health and healing and she'd take care of these drama queens. She didn't want me wasting my energy on any of this but of course It was shocking to figure out they weren't true friends. It did hurt initially but it taught me a lot. Thanks for your loving words.


CR Rookwood profile image

CR Rookwood 4 years ago from Moonlight Maine

Wow, how horrible. It's weird how you don't learn who your friends really are until things get tough like that. But I'm sorry you had to discover it in such a hurtful way. On the 'up' side (if there is one), at least you aren't wasting any more time on these awful women. What is wrong with them?

Weirdly, some Americans seem to believe people should 'earn' their healthcare and can be very cruel about expressing their stupid opinions. My spouse nearly died in 2008, and one of the nurses in training said on one of the hospitalizations that she felt people "Should earn health care" and it shouldn't be just passed out to anyone. We looked at each other flabbergasted. When she left we figured, there's a girl who has never lost her health or a loved one. All that education and no compassion.

Thank you for having the courage to share this. God bless.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

TWIN....Although this story saddens and disgusts me, I am all too painfully aware that "friends" can and do sometimes shock and appall us, at the worst damned times.

It's not even worth the effort to try to analyze.

I understand why this devastated you, my friend, but you were right to go beyond that and focus on yourself and your health. This was of foremost importance.....people come and go in our life....but, in fact, we do only have ONE life.

People who have never been through a catastrphic illness and all that occurs because of the disruption to our life and the incredible struggle......have absolutely NO CLUE what is involved or what they are talking about! There can never be enough help and support. No matter how your medical costs were to be covered, there are numerous other expsenses, an income to replace and family members to care for, as well.

A Fund raiser is a gesture of love and kindness....it is people helping people when it's needed most. Any individual who puts a negative slant to this, is simply a selfish, judgemental & pathetic slug. These are the types of people we pity.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

How eloquently put fpherj48. It was a gesture from my family because they knew I wouldn't work for a long time and knew I was single and had NO money in savings. I just loved your last paragraph. Awesome! Empowering! and right to the point. Bless you for stopping and leaving such a heart felt comment.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi CR Rookwood-Just like you felt about my so called 'friends,' I am disgusted by the nurse in training and have to say she's in the wrong field. I bet your mouths just dropped when she said that. I sure hope you reported her for being so insensitive and rude. I hope your wife is doing well these days and thanks so much for stopping by.


PurvisBobbi44 profile image

PurvisBobbi44 4 years ago from Florida

Hi Minnetonka Twin,

These friends were what my mother called, “Good Times Friend” as long as everyone was having fun they were your friends.

And I know it hurts to be so ill from cancer and from the effects of Chemo treatments (My sister went through it also, and like your sister I was there for her every step of the way) and if one has never witness what a person goes through----then one’s comprehension is lacks in the illness of Cancer.

I know some people are so uncouth, and really when they should show their best face---they show their asinine side.

These people are not worth a thought----and never expect everyone to be the good and kind person like you---then you will not be disappointed, that is harsh I know---but it is one of my life rules---and I have a lot of friends----a few very close ones--- whom I know has my back.

I am happy you are doing well now and I hope that life has so many wonderful things in store for you.

And Karma is a Bitch----(excuse me) so I am glad I am not in the shoes of the non-friends.

Life is so much sweeter now isn’t it? My sister Paula knows what you are feeling, and what you still go through. May God Bless you both.

Your Hub Friend,

Bobbi


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Wow Bobbi-I have goosebumps after reading your wise comment. You totally get it! I love how your mom taught you that these type of friends are the "good times friends." It was shocking and painful when all of this went down and I had to accept they were jerks but it was all worth the pain in the long run. I too have many friends with the few that I 'KNOW' have my back. It took me cancer to figure it out but some of us have to learn the hard way. I did have other experiences with these women but I let it slide. It was clear when they did this, that this was all I needed to know. Sis took care of it so I could heal. She was livid! I did have to grieve the loss of what I 'thought' I had in these friends but once I was through it, I was and am stronger for it. Hee Hee-I loved your Karma is a bitch-Your right, it is and maybe it will come in the form of them getting a scary diagnosis and then look back at how they treated me. Life is awesome and I hang around people I truly trust and know they love me as I love them. I thank you so much for your wise and heart felt comment. It's really comforting, even after all this time. Love your hub friend :-)P.S.-say hi to your sis for me and I hope she is in good health these days.


urbanbohemiac profile image

urbanbohemiac 4 years ago

I feel bad for your past pain. I agree that it was terrible. It sounds like you learned a good amount about humanity from the experience. I do not think you learned enough though. I do not think people who come out of the experience with a remaining belief in humanity or thoughts like the people who abandoned you were merely examples of bad friends/people.

I sound bitter and dark because I am bitter and I have been ravaged by the darkness of humanity. I am terminally ill and unfortunately did not luck and get one that has many treatment options or any possibly of curing/getting rid of it. You may remember the feeling of wondering are you going be dead in a few months or longer or sooner?? The feeling of pain and sick in your body that you don't have any way to relate or compare to anything else you've ever felt.

Being 27 years old (my age) and knowing you only have a few more years at best if awful. Its even worse when one of the disease's primary targets are the nervous system and you are mentally degrading to the point where people think you are and treat you like a head case/patient who is off his meds. The experience of having a disease that few people have heard about and fewer care about. Being treated like you might be lying (because you do not have your medical charts and a textbook describing your illness on you at all times), but at the same time they see you are sick so they think that it is not completely fake and so must be because of drugs or alcohol or something like you are hurting yourself or doing it to yourself. All those suspicions coming at you as you are lying there on a stretcher in a random ER you land in after collapsing in the street where you are left because you get treated like a leper for being in bad shape. Lying in that ER seizing and vomiting while they try to ask you idiotic, bigoted, and/or ludicrous/irrational questions that you could not possibly answer because you are barely conscious. Yeah, that's life for a lot of terminally ill American, because they don't have PR powerhouses posting and advertising everywhere possible about their disease(s) and few facilities that are knowledgeable or treat their illness(es). That kind of thing happens because humans, I mean the human species, are naturally inclined to being rotten scum sucking vermin rather than being even slightly sensitive.

I'm dying but I get treated and stared at very often like I am a criminal or some kind of plague on anyone I happen to be within 10 yards of. And I don't think anyone who finds their way away from dying is saying everything if they are not acknowledging on some level the freakish levels of evilness running through the society, the world we live in, and permeating throughout the majority of humanity.

It may not sound like it, but it is very true that I feel very empathetic for the pain you have suffered and care very much about your experience and your life. I feel though it is a duty of mine before I die to convey information and such about the terrible truths that are practically and often literally hidden from public knowledge within mainstream society.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear urbanbohemiac-I thank you so much for your honest comments here. The depiction of the despicable way you have been treated makes me angry, sick and so very sad for your. I had some of those experiences too but nothing like you have had. I am so sorry to hear everything you've been through. It's not enough to be sick at your young age but then the ignorance, rudeness and being treated like a leper is too much. I do acknowledge that there are those in this world that don't get it and never will and treat others with disrespect. The cancer journey showed me many things that I wouldn't have had the chance to see. Even some family members blew my mind with judging me for different things and thinking they had the right to tell how to live my life, what stores I should and shouldn't go to etc...Although I saw some icky things, it woke me up and helped me be less naïve. Please write me on my email here any time. I would love to support you through all of this. I am sooo sooo sorry for all your dealing with. I wish I could make it better for you. I'm shook up and very emotional after reading your story.


Sparkle604 4 years ago

In the last decade, I've gone through two major surgeries, loss of a long-time job, my mother's death and my father's stroke. The people I expected to be there for me weren't. I don't have close friends now and am glad of it. I can't be hurt again. I've finally learned to cherish each day as it comes. My beloved cats are my friends and family.


healthylife2 profile image

healthylife2 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

A cancer diagnosis definitely shows you who your true friends are. I had one friend that basically disappeared while I was going through chemo and then wanted to be back in my life. Other friends did what they found helpful rather than listening or asking what I needed. It is definitely one of those lessons learned. However I appreciate those friends that really showed support even if it was a simple e-mail asking how I was feeling. Glad you got those negative people out of your life!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear healthylife2-Wow, so many of us has seen so much loss at a time when we just needed friends and family to listen and love us. I was blown away that the friends I thought wouldn't ditch me, did, and the ones I wasn't sure about, were great support. It taught me so much about who I was trusting. I am now surrounded by only those that truly care about me. It was a lesson I needed to learn the hard way.


maggs224 profile image

maggs224 3 years ago from Sunny Spain

I am so glad Linda that you have finally got this off your chest, it is a brave thing to write about a time in your life when your dreadful illness was compounded by so many negative feelings caused by the behaviour of friends.

I am sure many people will be helped by what you have written.

I think FriendofTruth hit the nail on the head when she shared the book of Job with you.

Job’s friends sound like they were coming from a similar place to your friends. Job’s friends misread what they saw and then made assumptions that were based on that misreading.

They thought that Job was doing something wrong and they were trying to get him to repent to stop.

When Job’s friends told him, what they thought was going on, they thought that they were being good friends and looking out for Job’s relationship with God.

I come from a country that has free health care (I know that we pay for it through our taxes) but I know that even when the medical costs are covered that still leaves many other areas that are affected by what is going on medically that are not.

I remember when my son was badly burned and in the burns unit at a hospital only 15 miles away. The petrol costs alone for me and my husband to make the journey to the hospital so we could take turns stopping with my son, soon ate its way through our already stretched budget.

I am glad that you have managed to work your way through this and that you still love them and have forgiven them. Don’t let your enemy steal the peace that you have found and the blessing that you now walk in.

Whenever the enemy brings to your mind these friends and the hurt that you experienced through what they did to you, use it instead as a reminder that you have already forgiven them.

Then, pray for them and bless them, which leaves no room for the hurt again. Then as you have already found, praying for them and blessing them, closes the door on the power of that situation to continue to hurt you.

What our enemies meant for our harm God turns and uses to bless us. I have found that many of my most treasured experiences and growth have come out of my darkest times.

God bless you Linda and your dear twin Laura


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Wow Maggs-you have me very teary eyed by your inspirational words. I do forgive my friends and I do pray for them. I do believe that you are right. They thought my family was doing something wrong by giving me (a single woman with nothing in savings) a fundraiser. Then the calls and emails starting coming and next thing, all three of the girls were working each other up about it. It got ugly and I was so hurt. That was many years ago now and I have bumped into one of them a few times. I always make sure to say hello but I don't put my energy into pretending to want more than that. We are all human and I learned there is lots of ignorance in terms of what people think of fundraiser's and who should have them. When I was going through oncology counseling, my therapist said that she hears this same story time and time again. It's about fear, ignorance and in some cases envy. I said, "why on earth would they be envious? who on earth would want cancer. I would rather be well and not need a fundraiser." It sure has been a learning lesson for me not only spiritually but educationally. I want others to know my story so they don't do what was done to Job. Thanks so much Maggs for your loving and comforting words. I have only the real true friends now so it all worked out. God Bless you friend.


torrilynn profile image

torrilynn 3 years ago

It is truly nonsense that these former friends of yours could be so evil. All you did was give give give to them and when you needed them the most they weren't around, they abandoned you. Voted up and shared for others to see that not every one is your friend and for everyone to get a chance to read about your incredible journey.


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 3 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

This is an amazing testament of learning about people and their motives. You are a strong person. Your friend is weak and superficial. I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your story.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks so much torrilynn. This terrible experience really made me grow up and quit being so naïve. In a certain way, they did me a favor. They made me took a real good look at myself and the crap I put up with for too long. Always had been a pushover, even when it came to sacrificing my and my needs. Now I hang out with people that give back and earn the friendship. Thanks for reading and sharing this~I really appreciate it.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks Rebecca. It hurt like hell when I had to accept they weren't what I thought they were, but once the pain subsided, I was and am much stronger and wiser. My advice to people is "do not waste time with people like that. Life is way too short!


Mekenzie profile image

Mekenzie 3 years ago from Michigan

This broke my heart! How cruel of the 'so called' friends to attack you while your world was coming down around you.

How kind of your family to find a way to encourage you and ease the suffering by putting together a fund raiser - Yeah Family! Your sis .. man do I love that gal .. you hang on to her!

I am so glad you had the courage to write this and believe that many will identify with the gut wrenching pain of betrayal. Your story is particularly heavy considering the timing. Praise God you are able to forgive them and move on.

Rejoicing with you that you are surrounded by positive and supportive friends and family. God has done a work in you! :)

Blessings and HUGS from one of your many fans!

Mekenzie


Maria Cecilia profile image

Maria Cecilia 3 years ago from Philippines

oh so sad about that.. but for sure you have lost 2 or 3 friends, but you gained more.....I can understand how you feel but I know you are much more happier now...


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Mekenzie~your comment really touched me and I thank you so much for the support. It was a devastating time and I'm glad it's behind me. I remember laying in bed, sick from chemo and in pain from the heart break. It was a crummy thing they did but it taught me who my true friends really were. Bless you for coming by and making my day.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Maria~it was hard~ but you are right, I gained the truest friends after that experience. I no longer hang out with people that treat me badly. I really learned a lot during that difficult time. Thanks for the support and heart-felt comment.


Maggie Crooks profile image

Maggie Crooks 3 years ago

I am truly glad to see you still alive and smiling. Like you said, these women were never your friends. I would never begrudge someone who might die, however soon, a little bit of extra happiness. Girl, I am so happy to have you as one of my friends!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 3 years ago from Minnesota Author

Aww, thank you so much Maggie for your kind words. Now that I think back on those so-called friends, I shutter. I put up with so much crap from them. I have friends now that I fully trust and It's so nice that It's not one-sided. You never know the silver linings an illness can bring until it happens to you. I'm healthy, happy and love myself these days. No putting up with people's garbage because I have a need to be liked. Those days are gone. Woo Hoo!


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Hi Minnetonka Twin,

You seem to have come out better for this. Adversity teaches us many lessons and can be a great friend. You seem to know this. Continue to share with your new circle and elevate others. God speed!!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

God Bless you for your supportive words. Yes, life is awesome these days and I have an amazing circle of friends that I can count on. Sometimes it takes a knock over the head to figure things out but I am so grateful for it. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you. I really appreciate you reading my story.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Karibu (You're welcome)

The Christmas Greetings are reciprocal. Tomorrow, inshal'lah, I will visit a Monastery and keep you in my thoughts. Higher Blessings to you, friends and loved ones.


OldRoses profile image

OldRoses 2 years ago from Franklin Park, NJ

I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I'm so glad that you are a survivor and are speaking out. Hopefully your efforts will open people's eyes.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Thank you so much OldRoses. It hurt like heck at the time but as I look back, I see that it took a cancer diagnosis to make me realize they were not my friends. I've always been one to look for the silver lining in those tough times. God Bless for coming by. Happy New year almost :-)


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

I am sorry this happened to you. It was painful for me to read your story. When I was diagnosed with MS, it happened to me too. I didn't have the physical abilities at that point to keep up with my so-called friends -- had gone blind in one eye, developed numbness throughout my body, had trouble lifting 15 pounds, etc. "Friends" dropped me like a hot potato once. I was no longer useful and I reminded them of life's frailty. (If it could happen to me, it could happen to them.) But there were also kind people I had no idea I could count on, no idea what they were made of. I hope you had some of those people in your life, too.


skye2day profile image

skye2day 2 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Minnetonka Twin. God Bless you dear sister. God tells us in Scripture He can turn all things for the good for those that love Him. Amen. As you said the growth from the experience has been a blessing. Sharing your testimony and how you got through is a blessing indeed. Many can be helped because of your story and it can give much hope to another. God will get us through, Amen. He will never leave nor forsake us. Hebrews 3:13

This story written 3 years ago. I take it that you are recovered!!!! Amazing grace how sweet it is. Only God knows our time. Doctors can make a medical guess but our God takes us home when it is time.

God will expose our hearts and these woman were less than kind. I think when we are injured or hurt by another we need to forgive to be free, and pray for them. (Because we too are forgiven) They too are sick, Spiritually. God told us we will be persecuted and have trials and tribulations in this lifetime. In those times He draws us closer to Him. I am grateful you did not get angry at God. God is amazing how He turns all things for the good. Keep going girl. Thank you for your heartfelt story. It took great courage to write. I think it is a part of you letting go and healing! Way to go. Much love and May God continue to shine on you and yours. Love, Skye

voted and shared precious sister.


Carola Finch profile image

Carola Finch 2 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Just read your hub. I am a breast cancer survivor and can relate in some areas. It is amazing that people who are your friends for years suddenly don't have time for you. No one will call with a word of encouragement or to find out how you am doing. I did have some faithful friends who helped me through the ordeals of chemo, two surgeries, radiation, and every test under the sun.

Sadly, people these days seem to value money over people. If they think money is being misused, they say stupid, hurtful things without even realizing that they are hurting someone with a terminal illness. I think it is disgusting.

Thanks for sharing your story. God bless and give you long life.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Wow, now I get why your pen name is FlourishAnyway. I am sorry to hear you went through this too. You really figure out who your real friends are when you go through a health issue. I also had people who were there for me that I didn't expect. Don't worry, I did have good friends that were there for me through this painful time. I agree with you that part of this reaction to someone getting sick , is fears about their own health and well being. Thank you so much for coming by and sharing your own story. I think it's good for people to see what can happen during an illness.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Skye-My heart is so full of love after reading your precious and thoughtful comment. You are such a special sister in Christ to me. Your comment is yet another part of my healing journey. I did forgive the women in my heart and often pray for them. It was a hard time but it taught me a lot about myself. My life after this whole cancer journey is amazing. I will be ten years cancer free this St. Patrick's Day. Praise Jesus for healing me. Love you dearly my friend. Have a blessed day and thank you so much for your comforting words to me.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Carola-I am sorry to hear you have seen this in your breast cancer journey as well. I was so shocked when these women did the 'about face' on me after the diagnosis. My cancer therapist actually warned me about this phenomenon before it happened. I couldn't believe it ended up happening to me. I guess I thought, "no, not my friends, they wouldn't do this to me." How wrong I was-The good thing about it is that I realized I had been putting up with way too much crap from them through the years and it was the best thing that could have happened. The chaos is out of my life and I am now surrounded by 'True Friends' these days. It feels really good. Thanks so much for coming by and for sharing your own story.


skye2day profile image

skye2day 2 years ago from Rocky Mountains

Minnetonka twin. Back at you precious child of God. Ten Years!!! Amazing and wonderful. It is obvious God had more work for you twin. Hub pages being on HIS list. Love n Hugs Skye


CyberShelley profile image

CyberShelley 2 years ago

I am sorry it hurt you so much, I witnessed this as I walked through cancer with an acquaintance of mine, who became a true friend. We were car park friends at school, and then one day over the Christmas holidays she phoned me and asked me to visit her in hospital and told me of her diagnosis. I took her to every chemo she had for 2.5 years, none of her 'real' friends were there, not even her husband who was scared witless, sure they phoned, but never offered to be with her, help her when she was sick. They were scared, she understood that and only ever spoke of them with kindness. She taught me so much, about real strength and forbearance and to this day her strength gives me courage, she helped me when I could no longer hold my tears, it was she who said "It's okay, don't worry, I am alright, I am happy and I am ready." Her amazing strength is a guiding light. Your friends do not know how much they are missing, as every cancer patient and survivor can teach you so much about resilience, kindness, faith, and strength of character. You are a marvel, and they have lost out.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Yes, Linda.

I pray that you continue to feel blessed and stay blessed. I ask God to give you a stronger heart, continual faith and much beatitudes.

Adversity and suffering also comes from the Cosmic forces, and do teach us, perhaps you will agree. I see people with cancer and my sister has it. I empathise and send you loving thoughts.

Let us send out loving thoughts to others. It is better to do so and to avoid anything else.

Walking towards the Light is always therapeutic, and pleasing to God. As such darkness is kept at bay. Let our light so shine that it glorifies our Father in Heaven. It's been six years. You are a unique child of God and have much to offer in a positive way. I feel that with reflection, you'll understand. Much peace.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Beautiful words manatita44. God certainly held me during those scary and dark days. Thank you for your prayers and blessings and may you too be blessed. Many years (10) have gone by since this happened and I pray for the friends that hurt me. I forgave them long ago but will never forget. I really appreciate you coming by and giving me such a heart felt, thoughtful comment. My thoughts and prayers also go out to your sister. Sending her healing, positive energy.


manatita44 profile image

manatita44 2 years ago from london

Seems that I have really been reading and paying attention to this Hub, Linda. I see that I have commented at least three times. Anyway, I also re-visited your profile. Sometimes I feel others pain. Still, your last message gives me much hope.

You and I, we are both sojourners along the way. I offer you my heart's love. I will get some sleep now.

Higher blessings.


stars439 profile image

stars439 2 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Dear Minnetonka Twin : You have many friends dear heart, and our Lord , and guardian angels are included. God Bless You, and You're loved ones.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Stars~you are right-now I have only the truest friends around me these days. I really learned an eye opening lesson with that diagnosis. God Bless you Stars and I count you among my dear friends.


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 2 years ago from West Virginia

OMG I just read this and how Crass those first two "friends" were. Medical assistance does not mean that it pays for everything. Heck today it doesn't even pay for half anymore. Another thing people like them have to realize is....you aren't dead. Life is for living! Go live it while you can! I think that I would have punched them in the face if they were in front of me.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

You have me laughing so hard. I can just feel your emotions come through the computer.

It was a very eye opening experience. I learned so much from that cancer diagnosis. I quit being so naïve, and now only surround myself with good people that I truly trust. Thanks so much for reading my story. It's really healing for me.


Peggy Ingalls profile image

Peggy Ingalls 2 years ago from Purgitsville, WV

I don't think I've commented before, Linda, but I think you are better off with those 3 "friends." They would have done nothing but bring you down. Thank God for your twin sister, and the friends you now have on here and RedGage! Hugs!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 2 years ago from Minnesota Author

Aww, thanks Peggy. My life is so full of joy now that I surround myself with true friends. The whole experience taught me so much about life. No more care- taking for me. Bless you for coming by. This hub continues to bring me peace and healing from friends like you.


SandyMertens profile image

SandyMertens 23 months ago from Frozen Tundra

It seems like times when you really need it, you find your real friends. Wishing you the best of health.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Hi Sandy-It was a painful realization to learn that you lose certain friends with a diagnosis. I'd heard about it but hoped it wouldn't happen to me.


Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

Pamela Kinnaird W 23 months ago from Maui and Arizona

This was wrenching to read. I can just imagine how your insides were being eaten up by butterflies and huge moths in your stomach with all this on your mind and no resolution in sight until your sister could give that first 'friend' a good straightening out. Meanwhile you were so sick. How wonderful that you have a loving sister, a twin yet! And I hope your health is really good now. I see that you wrote this four years ago.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 23 months ago

Linda ! My friend , we met here , and shared many many thoughts and feelings about life on hubs , so I'm going to say this , you don't need those kinds of friends ! Fear , guilt , jealousy , who knows why people act the way they do ? You my dear are far better off without them . These "friends " probably helped you in one way that's important , your anger from their betrayal probably helped you to fight the illness ! We have you now and that's pretty important ! Big Ole Hub hug for you ! I'm the guy that pushed the one funny button above because we have to just laugh at those women's loss of you as a friend .......Ed


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 23 months ago from Dallas, Texas

Hello Minne, When I read this I realized the depth of changes that you've been through between the diagnosis and the loss of those you considered as friends. It is a difficult thing to find out that some people are not what you think they are. You are a stronger person now for having dealt with it in a straight forward manner and lucky to have your twin watching your back. I hope by now you are fully recovered and happier without those negative influences in your life.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Pamela-Yes, I am grateful to say I am over ten years cancer free. God had plans for me and one was to help raise my twin sister's kids with her. It's been a journey full of love and learning. I love the words you used about my experience losing friends. 'Moth's and Butterflies' in my stomach-such great words that illustrate what I felt like during those hard, dark days. God Bless you for coming by. It is very healing for me to get support from my readers.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Dear, Sweet Ed-Man I love you and your awesome comment. I have always loved our connection here on HubPages. We are very like-minded or 'kindred spirits' as my father use to say. Can I just say how much I love that you hit the funny button on my story. Your the bomb! Indeed I learned so many things from the pain of this experience. I have really worked on truly loving myself and surrounding myself with those that love me back, genuinely. I am really feeling loved and moved by your comforting comment. You made my day dear friend. Hugs to you.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Dear Peg-The diagnosis and the painful things that happened during that time, really did change me-for the better. God always has a plan that we often can't even imagine. Here, I thought I had worked so hard on myself and self-esteem issues etc... from my chaotic and painful childhood. Ha! Was I ever kidding myself. The fact that I was hanging around women that I thought loved me, is one of the things I learned loud and clear through God's grace. I look back and see how much crap I put up with-just sweeping things under the rug and making excuses for the so-called friends. My life is completely different now in that sense. Those that I call 'Friend', really are true friends. It's a give and take-50-50 relationship. I truly trust those people in my life now. Looking back, I see how I didn't really trust these women-I felt it, knew it, but didn't want to admit it, due to my self-esteem issues. God had a funny way of kicking me in the rear, so I could live the life he wanted for me. I thank God I have my twin sister, who is always there for me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for the kind, supportive comment you have left me. I am touched and feel love from you. God Bless friend :)


Beth100 profile image

Beth100 23 months ago from Canada

I have not been on for close to three years because of various reasons. But come back and read something as hurtful as this, is just aweful. I feel for you. The way these three "friends" handled things is strictly selfish. It's obvious they could not handle the fact that you have loving friends and family. Jealousy rises quickly regardless of circumstances. It's a shame people can be like this, but you are better for it all -- for finding out who your real friends are, for having the courage to face your battles and for never resigning to be the victim by voicing yourself.

I've missed reading your beautiful works, as well as your sisters.

Happy New Year, and I hope to begin my journey here again. :)


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Happy New Year Beth. Truth be told, I haven't been on HubPages much the last year or so. I come by now and then but have so much going on that it's hit or miss. I wrote this back in 2010-my life has come very far since then. I have really worked on loving myself more and don't hang around people that don't respect me or treat me the way I should be treated. I am grateful and happy to say that I will be 11 years cancer free this coming March. I actually had my surgery on St. Patrick's Day-2004 to remove the tumor from my middle lobe of right lung. Life is great and I love seeing you here. Bless you for your kind words here. I miss reading your work too. Love to you and hub hugs my friend.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 23 months ago

By the way I just love the epidemic of grins at the top of the hub! Nothing in the world like true family and that love is there ! Be sweet and stay gorgeous !


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

Aww-Ed, you have a way of just melting my heart. Thanks for noticing my loving family in the picture. That was another part of this whole experience that really hurt. Here my family is giving me a benefit out of love and they and me are attacked for it. I felt so betrayed and hurt that my family and I were being dissed. Nothing like taking love and making it ugly. Thankfully, I rose above it through the grace of God.


ahorseback profile image

ahorseback 23 months ago

Once many years ago my second cousins daughter was in an accident and a fund raiser was started for her and her infant daughter in banks , stores and other business' , sad part was , all of the cash drops were picked up by some unknown shyster ! She never saw a dime . There are some very meany pantsed people out there girl !


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 23 months ago from Minnesota Author

That is so sad to hear. I don't know how people like that sleep at night. Hope your having a great weekend Ed.


Supuni Fernando profile image

Supuni Fernando 19 months ago from Colombo, Sri Lanka

I am sorry you had to go through this, indeed, finding valuable friends is hard and they don't deserve a dime of your time. One of the things I learnt is to never abandon your friends because hurting a person's feelings like that is not in my book.

I am very glad that you survived this experience, no matter the scars you have, you need to keep living and prove them that you are strong.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 19 months ago from Minnesota Author

I really appreciate your comforting words. Those friends taught me a huge lesson in life. I was ignoring red flags for years with them, but when this happened to me, the light went on. I am stronger and wiser because of it. Bless you for coming by and sharing your thoughts.


Supuni Fernando profile image

Supuni Fernando 19 months ago from Colombo, Sri Lanka

Indeed, it seems it has strengthened your mind and soul. All life experiences, negative or positive teaches you a lesson.

Bless you too my dear.


Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 17 months ago from Ruskin Florida

Great story and a strong point that everyone should understand.

Although I have never had Cancer, 23 years ago, I did contract a relatively rare disease, called Wegener's. It is 96% fatal if not contained.

Right here, that's enough information on the disease.

You see, I, like you found out the hard way that the vast majority of those people you were "palling around and partying with" are just "acquaintances".

Acquaintances who, really do not want to hear about mortality, yours or anybody else's. They run from the thought of such things as pain, suffering and OMG, death. I found that a party invitation from an ill person (even a recovering one) will be ignored, not accepted, or even answered. I found that using your physical problems as an excuse for not doing well, or even leaving early; on a golf course, at a dance, at a party, causes more raise eyebrows and smirks even than it does garner any true sympathy.

Anyway, after two years of battle against this disease, it was declared in remission, but as I look back over the battlefield of my life during that time, the casualties in friends were numerous, but the ones, the few even, that I still called "friend" were the precious ones.

Today, I am still "in remission" but I am also on a strong and varied drug regimen. Some of these drugs have side effects that cause me to need other drugs. But that is the payment I make for waking up each morning, so it isn't so bad.

And my BEST FRIEND? Why, my wife, of course.

Have a great day, enjoy each one, and those few true friends you now have.

DON


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 17 months ago from Minnesota Author

Wow Don! thanks so much for sharing your personal experience with loss of friends. I'm so sorry you know the pain and shock of it. I never even thought about this particular issue when getting sick but my cancer therapist told me it's very common. I agree with you that the 'acquaintances' run from fear and ignorance but the 'true friends' deal with it because their your friend for the right reason. I can see you are not a victim and take each day and true friends very seriously. Blessings to you and your wonderful wife. So glad to hear your in remission. Woot Woot!


Andrew Jean profile image

Andrew Jean 4 months ago

Damn, that shit's fucked up. Sounds like that first bitch was the one that started the whole thing. Bitch was jealous of the attention you were receiving because of your illness. Some people are sick like that. I remember hearing of this one woman who was intentionally making her little girl sick (poison or something) because she loved all the attention she would receive at the hospital. You believe that? We got some real fruitcakes out there, you gotta watch out. Anyways, take care doll, hope you're doing better, peace.


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 4 months ago from Minnesota Author

I'm doing great now, thank you :) You hit the nail on the head. It was the first so-called friend that started the whole thing. Now that I got through all that initial shock and pain, I can look back and see that I wasn't choosing the right friends. My circle of friends now is amazing; it's a give and take with no judgments and overall unconditional love. BTW, I have a Master's degree in Counseling Psych. I had a few client's back in the day that had the diagnosis of 'Munchausen by Proxy' which is what you are talking about. Some people have such a need for attention, they use their kids to get it. I want to thank you for reading my story. No worries, it was in 2004 and all is well in my life now. I believe it was God's way to show me that I took way too much crap from people. He saw I wasn't getting it so he used this ordeal to make me wake up. I'm so awake. Again, God Bless for reading my story. It means a lot to me :)


DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 2 weeks ago from Iowa

Having just gone through cancer diagnosis myself, I am so sorry to read what you went through in dealing with the loss of your so-called friends at a time when you most needed their love and support. I went through a similar situation, not when I got sick, but when my mom got sick with a breast cancer recurrence three years ago. My "friend" got upset that I cancelled a weekend trip due to my mother's illness and then basically refused to acknowledge that my mom was sick or to provide any sort of emotional support that you would expect to receive from a good friend during a difficult time. The first time she tried to reach out to me was the day my mom died, over two years later, but by then it was too little and way too late (and I suspect that she was merely trying to find a way to make it all about her anyway - the typical narcissist response). As painful as the abandonment was, I know now she was never a true friend to begin with and that I am much better off without her. It sounds like you have come to the same realization about your former friends. I hope you are doing well!


Minnetonka Twin profile image

Minnetonka Twin 12 days ago from Minnesota Author

Thanks for your kind words Deborah and sounds like you've experienced the same abandonment. The fact that your 'so called' friend got upset by cancelling a weekend outing is all you needed to know that this was not a friend. Do you ever wonder, as I do, if our so called friends may see the error of their ways as life has gone on? I still wouldn't hang out with her ever again, but at times wonder if she looks back, now that she's a mom, and see's how mean and wrong it was. Can I ask you how your doing in your cancer journey? I pray you have loving support of real friends and family. I am 13 years cancer free this coming March even though they told me I had a 20-25% chance of making five years. Woot Woot? I am so blessed.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working