Conversation with Death in My Mother’s Final Hours

Photoshop personification of Death by Incry
Photoshop personification of Death by Incry | Source

Eating less and less, my mother began to look like a live skeleton. It was difficult to watch her and still more difficult to bathe and dress her.

Her heart kept beating at a normal rate, but her bony rib cage heaving in and out made breathing seem like a chore which overtaxed her body. On the day she stopped responding, everything in me—my strength, my courage, my emotions collapsed.

My first cry was to God. “God, I do not want this. My mother doesn’t want this. Do something to change this situation.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Death whispered.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” I said that with all the rudeness I could muster, but no insults could push him away.

“I understand,” he seemed to say, “but I am one of God’s answers when human beings ask for loved ones to be spared the travesty of a lifeless life.”

For the next two hours, the three of us—Death, my mother and I shared the room. God was there too, inhabiting each of us, and assisting me in making peace with the intruder.

1. Death Provides Refuge

Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. - Isaiah 57:2

My mental capacity was inadequate for debate and rebuttal. Death reasoned with me about some positive issues which lessened my desire to struggle.

My mother had experienced 85 years of productive life. I had watched her mature from a shy, uncertain teenage mother to a mature, influential woman of faith. She had worked hard, leaving me sufficient to build on. Now that her brain power had deserted her and her physical stride had become too stressful for her body, rest seemed like a fitting reward.

“But don’t expect me to thank you,” I pouted.

“You’re welcome,” Death smiled.

2. Death Takes and Gives

He [God] will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. . . I am making everything new!” - Revelation 21: 4, 5

My mother's grave is near to the poinciana - our national flower.  That's precious. It helps us remember her love of flowers and her beautiful garden.
My mother's grave is near to the poinciana - our national flower. That's precious. It helps us remember her love of flowers and her beautiful garden. | Source

The emotional ties between my mother and me had been strengthened. Sitting on the bed close beside her to prop her up would be a lasting memory of how intertwined our lives had been when as her child I relied on her care; and when as my aged mother, she relied on mine. There was love even though we did not say the words.

“It isn’t fair to rob people of life and love!” I screamed at Death.

“The one you lose does not feel robbed,” he replied gently, “and when she leaves, you gain a greater sense of appreciation and gratitude.”

3. Death Is Limited

Neither death . . . nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God. Romans 8: 38, 39

"Death, you may claim the body, but that's all you can touch."

When my mother could no longer remember words, she hummed the tunes of songs she loved. What she hummed the most was that 1831 arrangement by Thomas Hastings for the song Come Ye Disconsolate written in 1816 by Thomas Moore. It contains the following lines, each one at the end of a stanza.

Earth has no sorrow that heav’n cannot heal.

Earth has no sorrow that heav’n cannot cure.

Earth has no sorrow but heav’n can remove.

Alzheimer’s could not take away her habits of prayer and singing, and death cannot take away the love between her and her God, or her legacy of faith.

“Death, you lose.”

4. Death Aids Self-Awareness

When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. Psalm 146: 4

Insightful Quotes about Death

None of us, in our culture of comfort, know how to prepare ourselves for dying, but that's what we should do every day. - Joni Eareckson Tada

I don’t so much pray that my death will be without pain, but that it will be without doubt. – John Piper

If we have been pleased with life, we should not be displeased with death, since it comes from the hand of the same master. - Michelango

The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude. - Thornton Wilder

Love like there’s no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again. - Max Lucado

It was difficult to watch Death reach for my mother without remembering that one day he would reach for me.

“Sooner or later?” I asked him, though not wanting an answer.

“What else do I want to finish between now and then?” I asked myself.

He intruded again. “Just a reminder that when I show up, it’s over. What is undone remains undone. My presence here today may be primarily to end your mother’s struggles, but if you pay attention, it can also remind you to focus on yours.

"You will leave owing the world a debt if you shirk the responsibilities to which you have been assigned."

My short bucket list popped up before me, and I felt Death looking over my shoulder with an undefined curiosity. I prayed that from that day onward, I would be careful to use my time wisely.

5. Death Promotes Fellowship

And many . . . had come . . . to comfort them in the loss of their brother. John 11:19

Death accommodates fellowship.
Death accommodates fellowship. | Source

“One of your redeeming factors, Death, is your influence in gathering family and friends who establish or renew connectedness.”

“True, and although folks do not give me credit, they appreciate the happy fellowship which lighten the sad moments.”

That would be especially true in my mother’s situation. Eight children of her late sister had already scheduled a reunion with daily activities for the week in which my mother would be buried. The reunion with extended family lifted our burden.

“Death you lose again; not only because of the earthly reunion, but also because we hope for a heavenly which will include my mother.”

Scripture quotations throughout this article are from the New International Version.

© 2016 Dora Isaac Weithers

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Comments 107 comments

word55 profile image

word55 7 months ago from Chicago

Hi Dora, welcome back. Thank you for shading these thoughts of your wonderful mom's last days and hours. Thanks for being as strong and wise as you are. May God continue His blessings upon you!

FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 7 months ago from USA

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother and the grief you are experiencing, sweet Dora. This was a loving tribute to letting go. It takes great strength. May she rest in peace. And may you recall the happy moments shared throughout the years.

denise.w.anderson profile image

denise.w.anderson 7 months ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

This is beautiful, Dora! You have done what many of us cannot, face death with courage and fortitude! Your experience will give many of us the strength to go on in our own situations. I visited my own father in the nursing home just a few weeks ago, and I found myself saying many of the things you have said here. Although he is still living, I know that there will come a day when I will, like you, have to give him over to the hands that come to save him from the pain and suffering of this world. When that happens, my own life will take on new meaning. I pray that you will you have peace in the midst of your grief!

glynch1 profile image

glynch1 7 months ago

What about contemplating the death of a mother whose existence in eternity is unsure? What about "fellowshipping" with family members who have likewise neglected your Savior and disbelieved the gospel?

sallybea profile image

sallybea 7 months ago from Norfolk

MsDora, my condolences to you and yours.

Strange as it may seem you have been in my mind of late. I have missed your presence on HubPages and have been concerned for you.

I was with my own mother when she passed on so this hub is a reminder to me of her life too, for which I thank you.

I hope that the days ahead will be easier for you. You are in my thoughts at this very sad time.

Best wishes,


lambservant profile image

lambservant 7 months ago from Pacific Northwest

I started weeping with the first sentence and all the way through this. My how profoundly beautiful and poignant. This reminded me of three dear dear people I cared for in their last years, days, and moments. Then my own mother who was taken unexpectedly.

I am deeply sorry for your loss. Our mama's are a part of us. When my mom died I felt like I lost an arm and a piece of my heart. Your mother's faith and character shine in you and you have blessed all of us so richly in your writings.

I found your conversation with death so painful yet precious. As I read your hub I thought of Psalm 116:5, Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His faithful servants. And Psalm 16:11 In your presence is fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

I am praying you find solace from the Comforter as you grieve your mother's passing. Sending hugs.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank you, Word. I may seem stronger than I really am, but I'm improving. Thanks for your encouragement.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks Flourish. I appreciate your kind sentiments.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Denise, thanks for your feedback. I probably could not write this the day after. This is written from hindsight when the fog has begun to clear. Best to you and your father, going forward.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Glynch, what about those situations? I believe that my readers, like myself, would appreciate you sharing your perspective, so please feel free to do so.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks Sally. You may have guessed that it was my mother's situation: her two-week hospitalization and the following deterioration in her condition that kept me away from HP. Then came Death. It means so much to me that you thought about me.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Lori, thanks for those comforting verses you shared, also for the prayers and the hugs. I appreciate you.

glynch1 profile image

glynch1 7 months ago

When my mother passes away (she's 89), and if she still does not know the Lord in salvation, that will indeed be a day of deep grief for me. My father died over four years ago, and as far as I know, he did not know the Lord either. Both very religious all their lives, they nevertheless did not show the instincts of the true believer. My siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles also do not know the Lord as their Savior. They cannot share in the same kind of grief that I will feel on that day.

Still, I commend you for writing a nice message of comfort to those whose parents know Christ as Savior.

billybuc profile image

billybuc 7 months ago from Olympia, WA

This is really a very beautiful sharing, Dora. I offer my sympathies, as I understand very well your emotions, but I am also happy for your mother. I have to believe she is smiling today.

blessings always

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Glynch, thanks for elaborating. Now I understand (still slow at processing). Yes, we do need to pay attention to our unbelieving relatives. Life is all about preparation for the heavenly reunion, and it would be selfish of us not to be intentionally be concerned about their salvation. Reminders like yours are relevant and timely. I appreciate you.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Bill. Yes, my mother is better off. I have to believe that.

whonunuwho profile image

whonunuwho 7 months ago from United States

If all of us could accept death as you have just shown, I believe that we all would be comforted and more realize our humanity. Thank you for sharing in this my friend. whonu

MarleneB profile image

MarleneB 7 months ago from Northern California, USA

I am so sorry to hear of your mother passing. Your tribute is absolutely beautiful. I hope I don't sound heartless if I say thank you for sharing your experience, as a dear friend of mine passed away a few days ago and your words are very comforting. I pray that the Lord keeps you strong in knowing your mother is with Him right now as it shall be the same with all of us who love Him dearly.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Whonu, your point of acceptance is very true. It is useless to get bitter, and become miserable. Thanks for your feedback.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Marlene, I understand and accept your sentiments. Thanks for your prayer.

Jodah profile image

Jodah 7 months ago from Queensland Australia

Please accept my deepest condolences MsDora. It is always a difficult time to accept our loved one's passing even if it is God's will. I clearly remember my mother and father's passing. They both had full faculties right until the end and that made it all the more difficult to deal with. At least I could say goodbye, but I am still saddened by the memories. This is a lovely tribute and it was good to have family around to share the burden and support each other I am sure.

ChitrangadaSharan profile image

ChitrangadaSharan 7 months ago from New Delhi, India

I am so sorry to learn about your loss. May your mother Rest in Peace!

It needs so much courage to write this tribute about the final moments spent with your respected mother.

I might say that I am a strong woman ready to face any challenge but losing someone you love the most and that too your parents makes me feel scared.

I am sure many will draw strength from this beautifully written hub of yours.

I agree with your last paragraph that death sometimes unites close relations like nothing else can.

And as you say we must make the best use of the time available to us.

Thanks for sharing and God bless you and your family!

Pamela-Mary profile image

Pamela-Mary 7 months ago from Leesburg, Virgina 20175, USA

Hello, @MsDora when I read your memoires article that's time I am I thinking human life diversity as a your mother matter, I think she should be pass good time, just don’t forget prayer to god for your mother life.

PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 7 months ago from Dallas, Texas

Beautifully written, MsDora. Remembering lost loved ones in this way is truly comforting. I understand the depth of your feelings on this, and that our faith is meant to carry us through this time of loss.

pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 7 months ago from sunny Florida

O Ms. blessed you were to be with her in the final days and hours...and how blessed you are to have a Momma that you loved so and that no doubt left a lasting impact on your life.

Your observations about death are spot on. The

'using time wisely' is one we strive to do each and every day at a time sweet Jesus.

Well done sharing

Angels are once again on the way to you ps

bapak83 profile image

bapak83 7 months ago from Ohio

It is difficult to accept death in this society because it is unfamiliar. In spite of the fact that it happens all the time, we never see it. Saying Goodbye to a Loved One!!!

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Jodah, I wish my mother was conscious enough to say good-bye. You're blessed to have that opportunity with your parents. Thank you for your kind sentiments.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Chitrangada, the expereince certainly made me weak, but family support helped. Thanks for your understanding and expressions of compassion.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Pamela-Mary. I do have many reasons to thank God for my mother's life. So sweet of you to remind me of that.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Patricia, thanks for your kind thoughts. I wouldn't have it any other way than being with my mother in her final days. I agree with you: it is a blessing.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Well said, Bapak. We seem never to come to terms with Death, but we are all better of anticipating and accepting it.

Dolores Monet profile image

Dolores Monet 7 months ago from East Coast, United States

Dear MsDora, I am sorry for your loss. We can firmly believe in God and Heaven, we can visualize a beautiful angel coming to fetch our darlings

and we can celebrate a life well lived but that don't make it easy. I hope that your sadness is filled with tenderness and that you remember your mother will always be with you because love never dies.

Blond Logic profile image

Blond Logic 7 months ago from Brazil

I am sorry for your loss.

I wasn't able to be with my mother when she passed but my sisters and their children were. I took comfort in knowing many were there to show her the love and compassion which she had given to us, all those years.

The quote you have by Thornton Wilder, "The highest tribute to the dead is not grief but gratitude." is perfect. I think losing someone would be less painful if we celebrated their lives instead of grieving their passing.

This was a beautiful and unique way to share your thoughts during a difficult time.

CYong74 profile image

CYong74 7 months ago from Singapore

Thanks for sharing this personal and moving episode of your life. May your mum rest eternally in the Lord's comfort.

Kiss andTales profile image

Kiss andTales 7 months ago

As I read your hub I am so overwhelmed of your courage , your strength , and you are actually being strong for many who are going through the same experience but are not able to express the pain as you have.

I expected no less from you ! How wonderful it is to give of youself even when in pain from your heart.

That is what Jesus did, he gave and keeps giving , that is love !

I try my best to totally rely on our Father's words and Jesus because they can relate to death as an enemy.

Example Did the Heavenly Father lose a precious life in death ? Yes his Son who died for us. JESUS

Before that he was always there beside him in everything, a Prince or first born Angel.

Did Jesus lose someone in death ! Yes he lost many faithful humans he knew as and Angel.

But the Bible Records show him weeping when Lazerus died. Even though he held the key to release him from death sleep.

Joh 11:35 Jesus gave way to tears.

Jesus with His Father Jehovah can undo death and return our loves back.

1Co 15:26 And the last enemy, death, is to be brought to nothing.

It was not meant for humans to die !

But Adam and Eve and Satan created the concoction when they severed the life line from the Heavenly Father.

When they did this it was like they lived on their on auto pilot. Until they bodies gave out on its own power not God's

So they bodies auto pilot into death forever.

So all humans are marked to die because of them genetically.

So right there in the garden The Heavenly Father worked a cure for us as innocent bystanders.

But it would take generations for his cure to appear and be administered.

The cure arrived.

But for us to benifit from it we must be educated according to accurate knowledge

not imitations of truth but ginuine.

We must also follow Jesus very close in his steps he shows us how.

And his cure would cover not just one century of humans but many generations of humans. We are now the 21 century

Soon the close of the number allowed will finally end.

Then Jesus will be running earths affairs on a cleaned earth free from opposers.

Then we will be building homes for those asleep in death as they return as written.

Isa 65:22 They will not build for someone else to inhabit, Nor will they plant for others to eat. For the days of my people will be like the days of a tree, And the work of their hands my chosen ones will enjoy to the full.

Isa 33:24 And no resident will say: “I am sick.” The people dwelling in the land will be pardoned for their error.

I share these exciting future times to come with you.

May Jehovah keep you close Ms Dora !

Thank you !

Robert Levine profile image

Robert Levine 7 months ago from Brookline, Massachusetts

Hi Dora, very well done. I particularly like the sidebar of quotes about death. By and large, I find secular society seems incapable of dealing with death.

NatashaL profile image

NatashaL 7 months ago from USA

Dear Ms. Dora,

Thank you for this. My own mother died of cancer about two years ago. She knew it, and she was ready for it...but it was still hard for us to see the cancer take her away from us. One of the last things she was able to say to me was, "Am I going to heaven?" That led to a discussion of John 10 and the story of the good shepherd who knows all his sheep. She never worried about that again.

Frank Atanacio profile image

Frank Atanacio 7 months ago from Shelton

Ms Dora, its the truth when I say my heart melts, sensitive and humble hub.. it offers a Godly sense of life's and death's priorities... My condolences.. and may God be with you as always during your missing days..

teaches12345 profile image

teaches12345 7 months ago

My dear Ms. Dora, I first want to express my sympathy over the loss of such a wonderful mother. Secondly, you have written what we must all remember when we face these moments. It is not an ending but a beginning. Live your life to the fullest each day, as God intended. Thank you for sharing from your personal window of life.

lifegate profile image

lifegate 7 months ago from Pleasant Gap, PA

Oh, Dora. Your mother fought such a good fight, and you were right there with her the whole time. what a blessing! Fellowship? Reunions? There's an even bigger one coming - When the role is called up yonder! Bless you, dear sister!

techygran profile image

techygran 7 months ago from Vancouver Island, Canada

Dear Ms. Dora, I am sorry for your loss. Your ability to convey this conversation with Death in such a lucid way, touching all of us, in the pain of the recent event itself, is a tribute to your giftedness (i.e, writing/communication, compassion, faith,wisdom) and more important, a tribute to the Giver of the Gifts. May you be comforted and know Peace every day during this time of mourning. I'm sharing your hub because I know there are many out there who will be blessed by reading it. Thank you. ~Cynthia

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Dolores, I appreciate your kind thoughts. Yes, I will cherish the memories.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Mary. I have proven that nothing helps grief like gratitude. Thanksgiving lessens the sense of loss.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Cedric. Sharing this way also helps me sort out my feelings and helps me focus on what are the really important things about this situation.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Kiss and Tales, thanks for the kind words and also for your insight on death, the new earth and in between. I appreciate you.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Robert, thanks for your encouragement. Death is difficult to deal with, because we just hate him. I doubt whether that will change, but we must help each other accept his purpose.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Natasha, thanks for sharing your mother's experience. It is really a joy to know that a loved one dies ready. May we all.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Frank, you're always so genuine. Thanks for being so kind and thoughtful.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Teaches, thanks for your words of comfort. True that on many levels, "It is not an ending but a beginning."

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Pastor Bill, thanks for the reminder. Really, nothing matters more than being there to answer when the roll is called up yonder. Yes, I fell blessed to have been at my mother's side through her final ordeal. Blessings on you as well.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Cynthia, I appreciate your expressions of comfort and encouragement. Happy if my story helps others to accept and endure the pain of watching our loved ones leave.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Peg Cole, I unintentionally missed responding to your comment. Thanks for the compliment and for the emphasis on personal faith during our time of bereavement. Very encouraging!

Laura335 profile image

Laura335 7 months ago from Pittsburgh, PA

This is a great perspective on a very universal topic. I know what it's like to be in a room when someone is taking their last breaths, and the concept alone is hard to wrap your head around, but it helps knowing that it's something that we all go through and experience in our lives. I think this is going to help a lot of people come to terms with that experience.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks Laura. Really glad if it helps. God know how devastating the experience can be.

Jackie Lynnley profile image

Jackie Lynnley 7 months ago from The Beautiful South

Dear friend, my mother has been gone six years now and there is still hardly a day I don't think of her and wish she were here but I know you have all the biblical truths to get you through and that make you strong. Still we will always be our mommies little girls and that is something we never want to give up no matter how it makes our heart feel. You like me I know will wish many things you wished you had done or still could do and even with all you gave her it will never feel like it was enough...but I guess that is just love our Father instilled in us.

God bless you and may you be rested and happy your mom is where she wanted to eventually be. May you hear her humming in the breezes and know she will always love you and appreciate all you did for her.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Jackie, I like all your expressions here, but your very last sentence makes me close my eyes and imagine an embrace with my mother. Thank you.

The Dirt Farmer profile image

The Dirt Farmer 7 months ago from United States

I am sorry for your loss, MsDora. It really is a blessing and a wonder at how death brings those who are left behind together. Going home for my father's funeral, I was amazed to see a line of mourners who had come to pay their last respects streaming out of the funeral home, around the corner and down the street. It was as if he'd had a secret life of influence I had known nothing about. It sounds as if even in death, your mother's life is still exercising a powerful love over those left behind.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Dirt Farmer, thanks for sharing your experience in losing your father. I smiled at the phrase "secret life of influence." I couldn't have said it better. It also reminds us to pay attention to our own influence--perhaps secret now, but surfacing later. I appreciate your comment.

Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 7 months ago from southern USA

Oh, Dear MsDora,

I'm so sorry for your great loss of such a precious Mother. This is such a beautiful tribute to her and your conversation with Death is eye-opening. I understand how much you are missing your dear Mother, for my Mother went on to be with the Lord God in December of 2012, and I am mindful just how blessed I was in this life to have such a loving and strong Mother, just as you are to have the Mother you have had in this life.

Thank you for sharing how your Mother still had her strong faith and loved to hum the hymns. That is comforting to you, I know.

I know our Mothers will forever live on in our hearts and those of many others too.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers during this time of loss.

God bless you

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Faith. I appreciate your understanding, your compassion and your prayers. May God bless you, also.

jgshorebird profile image

jgshorebird 7 months ago from Earth

As always, your hubs are about what really "matters." Thank you for writing it and the way you wrote it.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 7 months ago from The Caribbean Author

JG, you're so kind. I appreciate you.

rajan jolly profile image

rajan jolly 6 months ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

Death always is a reminder to us that each one of us is in a queue and not only must we not forget this but live life as the Scriptures define it for us for everlasting peace.

Sorry to learn about your loss. A mother's loss is the most felt.

The Scripture references are so profoundly true and numb the loss to a great extent.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Rajan. You give great advice concerning what our attitude toward death should be. Being in the queue should not be difficult to remember.

AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 6 months ago from British Columbia, Canada

I am so very sorry for your loss, MsDora. My thoughts are with you. You have shared a beautiful and inspirational hub.

Besarien profile image

Besarien 6 months ago

Dear Ms. Dora, I want to wrap you up in a big warm hug today. I am so very sorry to hear that your mother has passed. Everyone at HP who has had the joy of getting to know you probably already suspected that she was a remarkable mother and a very good person who will be missed from this world.

As one who sat where you sat with my own mother I so empathize. In fact, your hub moved me to tears even as it astounded me with your insight. Having both a deep faith and true understanding of death and the grieving process can only help you now. I hope your journey through your grief can be as much a celebration of your mother's long life and your rich relationship together as it is an adjustment to her loss in your life.

If my words fall short (and they always do,) I'll trust God to convey to you every possible solace. Know that you and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers.

Pacesetter Abbey profile image

Pacesetter Abbey 6 months ago from Houston, Texas.

Some unfortunate things might never be avoided, but our reaction towards it, is what defines its impact on us. You've indeed extracted good out of evil, light out of darkness, and life out of death. You've gleamed & beamed in a dim and damned world.

The devil tried to remind you of the present state, but you have seen it wise to remind him of the future we have in Christ Jesus (eternal life).

I Love you Ms. Dora (with the love of Christ), because you've always been an epitome of light, even in this caliginous world.

Thank you Ms. Dora.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Alicia. I think writing helps. appreciate your kindness.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Besarien, I feel comforted by your comment, and I appreciate your prayers. God's blessings on you, too.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Pacesetter, your gracious comment is like a bridge over troubles waters. Thanks you from the depths of my heart.

DDE profile image

DDE 6 months ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

MsDora you are a strong and courageous woman to have shared your experience here. Acceptance is great and you have showed me that. I felt your grief and makes me wonder about such experiences.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Devika, thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your kind words.

AudreyHowitt profile image

AudreyHowitt 6 months ago from California

Thank you so much for sharing this deep and very personal story with us--Your heart is profoundly at peace, even in your grief

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Audrey, thanks for reading and offering such a kind comment.

shanmarie profile image

shanmarie 6 months ago from Texas


First, I want to offer my sincere condolences. I've been learning quite a bit about Alzheimer's and some of it has been from you and your hubs. I think I can understand the mixed feelings caregivers have. Dementia is such an awful thing. I remember when my grandma just stopped eating and being glad I wasn't there to witness the frailty, but also sad at the same time.

Second, I love the way you present things. You are such talented lady. And I am glad that you include the part about Alzheimer's not being able to steal her faith and prayers. How awful it would be to build such a strong faith only for a horrendous disease to be able to take even God away.

Shyron E Shenko profile image

Shyron E Shenko 6 months ago

MsDora, I am so sorry for you loss.

A sad loss for those left behind.

Sadder still because the one you lost was so kind

But think how much kinder he Heaven will be

With you mother there

To wait to welcome you

And all of us her kindness we will share


Blessings MsDora.

bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 6 months ago from Central Florida

Dora, I'm so sorry you lost your mother. At the same time I'm happy she's no longer bound by the mind and body that betrayed her inner self. She's free now.

Thank you for sharing this letter with us. Even in grief, you impart wisdom.

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MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Shanmarie for your kind words and encouragement. True, Alzheimer's is brutally destructive but it has limits.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Shyron, I appreciate your thoughtful comment. Thanks for the reminder that God's plan always prove His concern for our benefit.

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MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Shauna, Amen to your expressions and thanks for your encouragement.

aviannovice profile image

aviannovice 6 months ago from Stillwater, OK

In this small world of ours we all are connected. With your loss, comes my loss.

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MsDora 6 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Deb. I appreciate the caring sentiment. God bless you!

cam8510 profile image

cam8510 5 months ago from Colorado Springs, CO until the end of March

Thanks for this hub, MsDora. But any way we paint or write it, death is tough on everyone. I knew for 8 years that death would come for my wife, but was I ready that night? No way. You have shown some of the positives, if they can be called that. In time, we can see the good too. But it takes time. At least it did for me.

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MsDora 5 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Chris, thanks for your comment. I'm sorry for your loss, and happy that you are able to take it in stride. I know what you mean about not being ready. Even though I saw death in the room, it was still difficult to accept the end. Please dwell on the happier memories, going forward!

DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 5 months ago

As I read your moving hub about your mothers passing my throat closed and eyes became unable to read. I stopped many times thinking how wonderful you captured the most beautiful words to share your hardest and saddest moments. All I want to do is take the pain away. I don't know how. What I do know is through it all I feel enormous love and that love continues to grow in every direction possible. Love does not end with the physical passing of a loved one. It only grows deeper in a way it never could in the physical world. Think and talk of your mom often and with that your moms memories her beautiful life will flourish. When you feel blue look back at this hub not in sadness but in kindness and beauty of all the hubbers who you and your mom connected with. My own mom will have passed four years this Novevember. I am still dealing with many emotions. I feel relief and peacefulness in your words. You have helped me heal in my own grief. I often think what would my mom do. Then I think of her smiling face and even if I don't have the answer. I feel comfort and love. Thank you for finding the strength and power to write this touching hub. Wishing you many more happy days ahead. Where you can embrace all your mothers love.

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MsDora 5 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Dream, thank you for sharing about your mom--the love and comfort you experience when thinking of her. It's been almost four years, but please accept my sympathy. Our mothers have left indelible footprints on our lives, and we are blessed to have such sweet memories. Best to you!

MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 5 months ago from South Africa

Dear MsDora, this is an extremely insightful conversation you have had with Death. Why, we always learn so much about life and death while we experience tremendous emotional pain. Thank you for sharing your insight. May you be blessed with strength and peace while missing your dearest mother for the rest of your life. As you've said, Death only took her body away. The rest of her is in your heart and mind until you meet again.

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MsDora 5 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Martie, thanks for your comforting comment. I appreciate your kind sentiments.

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wilderness 5 months ago from Boise, Idaho

A moving hub, MsDora, and one that brings back memories. I, my 4 siblings and my mother brought my father home from the hospital some 15 years ago, a last ride for our truck driver as he had been given only a week or so to live and made the choice to die at home, among his family.

It was not to be: death came knocking that very night, only hours after we got Dad home and I...I spent the rest of the night walking the dark streets of my childhood neighborhood and talking to Death. I got the same message you did, with an emphasis on the fact that Death can, and often does, provide refuge. Dad gave up but days of life for a last night in his own home, with his children and wife around him and at peace with the world. He used his time wisely and left behind his deteriorating and pain filled body.

For the rest of us there was grief, yes, but we all recognized that refuge and have never been sorry that we were able to help Dad meet Death on his own terms. I also think we all talked with Death that night, in our own way.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 5 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Dan, thank you for sharing your experience concerning the death of your Dad. It is touching that he made the decision to die at home; death of a loved one is a family affair. After 15 years, your compassion for him still shines through and please know that I find your sharing very comforting. May we continue to find peace in the memories our loved ones left with us.

Arline frederick 5 months ago


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MsDora 5 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Arline, and you should expect me to smile at you being speechless. Love, always!

Arline frederick 5 months ago

Hahahahaha me speechless????? indeed i am, My beloved, sometimes the person who makes the most difference in our lives at times, may be the ones who are unable to articulate..............when i think of my tanty Eileen words escape me.................the priceless memories, her sacrifices, for Pam and myself, I can go on for days................I can say without reservation, she sheltered us from every harm and danger as children we were able to enjoy our childhood, to date we are still innocent to many things, i HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CHILDHOOD............Aunty never allowed us to play dolly house, when i got a little older i figured out why............. i can truly say because of her and mama I am alive today................strength, Character, integrity, when situation changed they both never changed staying the course..... goes without mention, their love for God...........we have received the greatest inheritance, they both pointed us to who God truly is.....................not only with their mouths , but their lives. (SECOND TO NONE)............I HAVE NEVER HEARD MY AUNTY TELL A LIE..............and to this day, i think i would be more comfortable in the company of a murderer than a liar...............conclusion of the whole matter............ in repayment for all she has sacrificed for us, entering heavens gates AUNTY, MAMA, I MADE IT BECAUSE OF YOU..........i know she would give me the most beautiful/royal smile.................i found out later in life Royalty/Diplomats never give an open smile in public.............. we have a soul to save and a God to glorify, still rings in my ears......... I find much comfort in knowing My Aunty as sure as the sun will shine tomorrow is Asleep in Jesus........Blessed Hope (with my head held high i'll say no more for now).............SEMPER-TANTY...........

Barry 4 months ago

Death really shouldn't frighten us. I like that you portray him as a loser. Late, but please accept my condolences.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 4 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Barry, thank you for your encouragement and your condolences. I appreciate you.

always exploring profile image

always exploring 3 months ago from Southern Illinois

I know it has been months since your mother went to heaven. I know you are still feeling the pain and loss. My mother passed away in 1968, but she still lives in my heart. I know we both will be with them again when our time is up to leave our earthly home. This was so beautiful! When death lingers we want to scream, " No go away " My mother, like your's was in so much pain. I now know it was a blessing..

MsDora profile image

MsDora 3 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Ruby, thanks for your sympathy concerning my loss. Yes, I miss my mother and look forward to the resurrection when we will meet our mothers again. Till then, let's be faithful and hopeful. I appreciate you!

Mo 3 months ago

Sorry for such a major loss. May God help you keep this positive perspective always. The quotes on death are worth remembering.

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MsDora 3 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Thanks, Mo. These quotes are among my favorite and they help keep me stay focused.

Yvonne Teo profile image

Yvonne Teo 2 months ago from Singapore

#hugs Ms Dora. The quotes from (4) Death aids self awareness totally gripped me. As I have only lost my mother-in-law to cancer recently, articles like these strangely comforts me and makes me want to leave a beautiful goodbye for my loved ones as far as I can... when the eventual comes. As a mom, I can only add that your mom's love will always be with you and she is very blessed to have you care for her in that final journey.

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MsDora 2 months ago from The Caribbean Author

Yvonne, thanks for your kind comment. It makes me happy that you find some comfort in the article. Ever so often, the thought of death crosses our minds and your focus should be everybody's - "to leave a beautiful goodbye for . . . loved ones."

firstcookbooklady profile image

firstcookbooklady 2 weeks ago from Minnesota

Tears! I loved this! I held my father's hand until he passed. In the last moments,I decided to tell him that I loved him, that I was glad to have had the chance to be with him every day, for the few months he had left, that I'd miss him, but he'd be okay where he was going, and not to worry about me, I'd be fine, and we'd meet up later... I didn't know if he'd hear me, but when I was done speaking, two tears ran out of his right eye and ended up in a small pool in his right ear. -- He did hear me, and I treasure the memory.

Death, to me, is like what a fetus must go through minutes before being born. That passage through a tunnel with a light at the end. Sorry for your loss, and thank you for this well written piece.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 weeks ago from The Caribbean Author

Char, thanks you for sharing your experience. Please accept my sympathy also on the loss of your father. Whatever Death is or does, we must take comfort in that it cannot rob us of the love we shared with our loved ones.

DREAM ON profile image

DREAM ON 2 weeks ago

I want you to know I go back and read this hub often.I think what would my mother and I be doing right now. I think sitting and having breakfast and reading your hub together. My mother could talk for hours about her love for her family. I would listen intently trying to memorize every word

She would give me a look.I know when I am gone you will forget what we talked about.Maybe so but I tried to remember all your love and the fun that we shared.I miss you mom. Thank you for all your love. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.Have a fantastic day.

MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 weeks ago from The Caribbean Author

Dream, thanks for returning and sharing. Your visit not only helps keep your memories alive, but mine also. Deep inside the hole human race, we relate to each other in loss and in comfort. Thank you.

annart profile image

annart 2 weeks ago from SW England

This is stupendous, Dora, and remarkable. I love the conversations with Death. It reminds a great deal of my mother's death-bed, when I sat with her, listening to that awful rattle, trying to make sense of it, trying to think of things to say to ease her burden. My head pounded and I was lost but your thoughts here are remarkably similar to my own.

Your conversation is such an imaginative one, such a 'proper' one, such an illuminating one. For that I thank you. It has eased my heart too.

This also reminds me of 'The Book Thief', where Death is the narrator (I did a hub review about it). There is humour there but there is discussion too, very much like this.

Well done, Dora! One of your best for sure.

With love,


MsDora profile image

MsDora 2 weeks ago from The Caribbean Author

Thank you, Ann. I shall try to find your book review. Humans have so many experiences in common and they help us understand and empathize with each other.

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