...Core Issues...

...Two and Three...

When I was two years old, I had a tracheotomy. I struggled with breathing due to croup after a bout of bronchitis that turned to pneumonia which lead to a cardiac arrest and the emergency tracheotomy procedure. I was told that my heart had stopped for three minutes and I had turned "blue on the table." I have loved the number three for a very long time now, for many reasons, but have also adopted it as my "lucky" number.

I remember my father walking up the stairs coming to visit me, and the baby in the crib next to me that cried and cried. I remember my blanket being way too small, the cold room for us being children with respiratory issues, and I remember reaching for that plastic stack of colored donuts that are different sizes and stacked up on each other.

I believe it was here where I first met The Red Queen {The Muse that inspires my poetry and prose...the Spirit that came back with me on the way back from my brief physical death}...


...Metamorphosis...

When I found out my father had terminal lung cancer at the end of 1999, I also found out that I had hypothyroidism. This disorder of the thyroid slows metabolism and makes you extremely tired, affects your hormones and produces sweating that is unexplained. I knew something was wrong when I couldn't keep my eyes open at an office temp job that I had and I was falling asleep sitting up in my chair.

I had the tests, got the radiation treatment and they "killed" my thyroid. I bought a book and read about the gland and the issues. I saw that the gland itself looked like a butterfly and I began to relate things in my mind about it. When I had first started painting the little boxes that I had practiced on, I had been painting butterflies. I know a lot of people like them, love them...and I was intrigued with the symbolism. I had chosen a card out of an animal totem deck years prior, and the instructions were that the first card you chose out of the deck would be your life symbol and ally. Mine was indeed the butterfly.

Three

...Waves of Expression...

The symbolism of the butterfly is life, death and rebirth. The core operation was done on my throat and I grow up to have permanent issues with that same area. Every day, for the rest of my life, I have to take a synthetic hormone to regulate my thyroid. I have had issues with it basically all my life. After the tracheotomy it was known that I had allergies and bronchitis frequently and was sick a lot of the time. I was painfully shy and didn't like to speak or be asked to.

As I began school I found that I loved art because I could express myself without having to physically speak. As time went by I found that I could write as well and this seemed to be a great alternative until I copied a poem about suicide that someone else had given me. I had added it to a book of poems of all types. My parents found it, and thought I was the author. I was promptly admitted to a psychiatric ward. When I look back at that, I know how much they cared and how worried they must have been. Of course they couldn't take a chance that I was suicidal and maybe lying about being the author. I respect and appreciate that they took the steps to prevent a possible tragedy.


...Throat Chakra...

When I started to learn about the chakras, I noticed that my core issues and the attributes of the throat chakra came into perfect alignment. I noticed that the colors blue and turquoise made me look and feel much better in a strange abstract kind of way. Researching more about it, I bought necklaces made of blue topaz or turquoise and added clothes of that color to my wardrobe.

Reading about the imbalances of this chakra, I saw that it lead right back to the seasonal and lifetime issues that I have had with this area of my body. I could be just free associating all of this, but I don't think it's coincidence that what I do now, writing and drawing, and the colors that I choose, the stones that I collect - all of this helps me feel better and supports the energy center known as Visudda. The fact that the celestial body the rules this chakra is Mercury, the planet of communication, fits in nicely with the fact that my main channel of expression is a creative and spiritual avenue that I have been on the track to developing since I can remember.

"The Fool" by Carole Anzolletti

...Integration...

I have strung together the events of my life on the pages and papers strewn through out my home. I have written "Whispers of the Goddess" and am working on "The Forest Labyrinth" as well as something I call "The Mermaid Chronicles." I find it comforting and reassuring that I am doing as much as I can to honor the fact that I was once "Blue" and almost not here to be the creatrix that I am now. Perhaps that is why I am so attuned to this, and cannot turn away from it.

I am grateful to share this story with you, and I also woke up in the middle of the night last night to see a commercial where the mother and father were in the audience at a concert hall and they asked each other where their son was. They looked at each other in a short state of panic as the lights on the stage went on and there sat their son at the piano, playing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"...They were shocked and about to do something when the pianist scheduled to play came onto the stage and added his own input to the song, the both of them there playing together. The message of the commercial was then "Encouragement." I briefly thought back to my previous entry where I speak about my desire to play the piano, but I never said that I also wanted my musically in tuned son Markus to play as well. The commercial has now cemented its message and vision in my mind. Manifestation is in the works.

Thank you for journeying up and down and all around with me, and thank you for reading! Be back soon...

Until then

Namaste

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