Dealing With LIfe's Things Better
Life is Full Of Garbage
From the waking moments, to the ending of the day, life is cluttered with "stuff". How we deal with these inconviences, often will define how we are percieved and who we are. Although we may be good people inside, the world's perceptions of us, the rest of our world sees something very different.
From raising our voices when we become anxious, to weeping when we are disappointed, we are constantly being judged. Reactions are automatic, but how we react can be tempered and controlled through practicing new habits.
Understand What We Can Control
Bringing about change to how we react, is much like learning new habits and unlearning unproductive ones. Habits are impulses or routines that work on a "Que", that triggers a response. Understanding this, makes it easier to logically process changes you wish to make.
Looking at someone who yells at someone, who offends them or makes them angry. By removing yourself at the moment your yelling is triggered, and taking a "time out", gives you time to reflect on how you wish to respond. It gives time to rank how angry is too angry and what is the appropriateness of a given response.
A very dedicated push has to be made to think through, whether you or a given person has control, over the circumstances, which lead to a given moment. In this time, you can also decide, how to respond to them. If someone tells you they can do one thing, and you become reliant on them; however later they come back to say they were prevented from doing that favor, You have to find out, whether or not the events truely was out of thier control or not.
Excuses or Legitimate Reasoning
By looking at each situation, and asking questions will lead you to answering one important question. "Was a given reason merely a convienent excuse, or was their legitimate reasons that prevented something from coming about?"
You have to be careful not to allow your immediate response to cloud your reasoning through this all important question. The best way is to take a moment, excuse yourself for a moment and come back a few moments later to respond.
Get over your first intitial thought of strangling the bearer of bad news. The easiest way is to remember that one person can not control another. With this in mind, consider whether the person or even relied on just one person, or multiple people. Then after your clutching hands lossen up, go back and ask questions, in a calmer tone.
Tone Is Very Important
Often times our instinct is to yell, when we are disappointed, hurt, or otherwise compromised. However, if we force ourselves to lower our tone and ask questions in a qieter tone, the offending party is disarmed and less likely to go forward with a pre-planned story, unless they are telling the truth; for the most part.
Understanding that just as you are relying on a person for something, they may be obligating themselves through reliance upon someone or thing else. Since you can not control your friend, they can not control others. So, the more people whom are involved in the mix, the more chance of a bona-fide issue preventing the desired result, from coming about.
Do Not Rely On Intangibles
We surround and build our lives out of two concepts, tangibles and intangibles. We claim ownership to both, but intangibles can cost you interest in the tangibles in life. What I mean is this;
If you have a promise, from a friend whom you trust and that promise is broken, you lose trust and may lose a tangible item. Why did your friend, whom you trust have to break a promise? Was their promise reliant upon their trust in someone else? You will never know, unless you calmly ask questions.
Who Are You Angry At?
Another thing you need to consider, is with whom are you angry? Are you angry with a friend, or with yourself for trusting your friend? Are you Angry with your being placed in a situation, or at yourself for allowing to be placed in a situation? Did some outside force place you in a situation, which is beyond your control?
Often a spouse or partner will scream at thier counterpart, due to a a situation outside of thier control. . Yes sometimes it is the counterpart's fault, sometimes it is due to "spilled over" anger. Decide with whom you are angry with. Decide to hold your frustration for those, whom you are angry at, not your friends and spouse; unless they were directly involved with the situation.
It is going to be difficult to master the suggestions in this article. However, it is most productive for one to consider these suggestons. You may find that those whom surround you, will trust you enough to be more honest and assist you in dealing with issues. Besides, it takes so muh energy being angry, these suggestions will allow you to focus more positive endeavors.
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