Dear Friends Of Mine
September 1st 2011
Dear Friends Three months ago my legs began to ache severely and then disaster...... I could not walk I took severe spasms through them and it finished my walking now I reside in a chair, I am to see the doctor tomorrow, could this be the depression? I will tell you what happens.
Dear Friends I saw the doctor its not depression they believe its MS they have reccomended I see a neurologist in Newcastle, I received my letter today I have to book an appointment, They told me I cant be seen til December 9th its only September now I have twelve weeks to wait I hope nothing else happens.
Dear Friends I can only write a little today my hands have began to take spasms I keep losing them and they lock. oin p;l,aqc ed
October 2011 ........................................................................
Dear Friends It is now October my legs are severely painful my hands are not as bad as before so I am taking this time to write before they lock, I can not get out of bed with out help now my friends are coming weekly and my mother comes daily to help me to stand up and move. I will not give in to it, friends I have to fight this and keep going on.
Dear Friends were near November now only 5 weeks til that appointment in Newcastle I hope that it hurries, I have to go now my hands are bad I will return when I can, sorry about the long delay between dates my hands have been so bad.
Dear Friends November 4th I cant believe it were nearly there, just 4 weeks to go.
Dear Friends November 15th My hands are not as bad can type a bit longer but my legs seem to be just the same, I cant feel them at all yet I know that they are there I can see them. Never mind got to fight and be strong not long now.
Dear Friends Yesterday was 26th November the worst day of my life and one I will never forget I woke up paralysed I could not move my whole body, My hands, legs and everything remained stationary and locked in spasm except for my head. I lay motionless for 6 hours awake and aware that I could not move. My hands released first so I could throw myself on to the floor and crawl to the phone for help about an hour later my mum arrived and helped me to move my legs were still the same but my hands and upper body released, doctor came prescribed some medicines Diazapam he calls it, I call it weird I was given two to relieve the pain. It worked thank goodness I just hope this doctor is good and not like the others.
Dear Friends November 29th guess what came today? The letter from the hospital in Newcastle confirming my appointment and where I have to go to be seen, 60 miles east of my city but I dont mind the doctor I am seeing will get to the bottom of it, he just has too, I cant give up, and I am not imagining it, I am not crazy am I? No I can not think like this I have to remain positive I cant break down in front of my family not when I am so close to going, the nightmare three days ago did happen I could not imagine that, I literally could not move, come now lets do something fun today for a change. I will watch the new film my brother brought me it looks good THOR.
Dear Friends its December the 1st I have 8 days left, you will find this funny but I have packed my little case already to go with me in case they decide to keep me in, guess who is trying to be sensible - does not work does it. My brother took me shopping today in the wheelchair, with it being so near to christmas everywhere is so busy and people are just ignorant and in a rush to knock in to you. I understand why I wrote those Dont You Just Hates!! Yet I have gone out into this madness and learned a lesson, I hate christmas shoppers.
Dear Friends it December 8th I am so excited I cant sleep its literally only hours away 24 hours this time 3.30pm tomorrow I will be seeing the doctor. We have waited so long but now we have wait just a little longer.
Dear Friends today is the day December 9th 2011 I am to go to Newcastle to meet the doctor, and to be examined please let it go okay, let them find what is wrong with me, I have to go now we set off soon I will return once I have the answer.
Dear Friends A miracle...................................
I dont have MS I have a Functional Disorder that has caused my brain and body to fight each other so to speak. The doctor described it as a computer - the hardware is working perfectly such as bones etc but the software does not work with the hardware meaning the signals from my brain get mixed and cause problems forcing parts of me to spasm and weaken and even cause me to be exhausted constantly.
A Second Miracle The Doctor just told me I can be cured it will take some time but I will walk again just have to build up slowly, and I will eventually be okay, they will give me therapy and everything to get me back,Oh friends what a day, I am crying with joy, I will never have to live this nightmare ever again, it will end and I will win, we have to win it.
This is the christmas present that tops any other and I received it on Friday 9th December 2011, There is a cure to this madness I have had for the past three months.
11th December 2011 hello everyone I hope you forgive me but I am still near to tears because I honestly thought the last three months I was going crazy and I thought I was going to die. I began to use this hub as a diary of when I could write in between spasms now I can show you what has happened and why I have been absent for so long.
Dear Friends I got my christmas miracle on Friday 9th December 2011 I still cant believe it, I started showing symptoms of MS 10 years ago when I was 16 however it is only the last few years they progressed yet the doctors here told me that they believed that I had it because I have been unable to walk for three months and my hands made it impossible for me to write as they kept going into spasm. I had to travel 60 miles to see the professional Neurologists and then the miracle happened. They told me that I have not got MS i have a functional disorder that has caused all this pain and suffering to me but then a second miracle the doctor told me they can cure it. I will get better eventually and I will walk again and be normal as for 10 yrs I have been like this back and forward to the doctor day after day in pain, sent away, fobbed off, misdiagnosed and no further forward. I went nearly crazy I could not believe what was happening to me? And why? Was I imagining it was I going out of my mind, I hid away in a bubble pretending that everything was fine and that was just normal to ache then two years ago I seen a doctor who misdiagnosed me with depression I believed that was the answer and left it there, I found out recently I did not have depression at all, it was this disorder all along.
I began to write this in September and am still going to be writing it through out my recovery.I have to go back soon for a head scan to check that there is no damage or underlying problems, then all being well I can begin my quest to road of recovery..
I will keep informed but if your interested in understanding what a functional disorder is here is a link to it which should show you and explain www.neurosymptoms.org
Wish me luck guys it will be a long road but I hope to make it and come back and write just as hard if not harder than I did before, all my love Calpol25 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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