Dear Mom...(A Letter From An Addict)

Dear Mom,

I am sorry, SO SORRY! I didn't mean to let you down. The Green Eyed Monster got me in his clutches and wouldn't let me go. A bit of marijuana just set me on the way to other evils that lead to a hellish way to live, if living is even what you would call an existence such as I had.

  I call it the green eyed monster because it was a jealous "friend", demanding all my time and devotion until the end.

But, don't you worry. I am so much better now. I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. I want you to understand what it was like to be in the clutches of evil.I have so much to say to you.

It was never meant to be like this, You DID give me the best life you could. I always knew that. Despite what the psychologists say, this has nothing to do with you.

I felt humiliated when I got evicted. Thanks for letting me keep my stuff at your house. I hope your diamond solitaire finds its way back to you. Mr. Green Eyes buried my shame for me.

It hurt unbearably to lose my kids, Thanks so much for loving my babies when I couldn't feel a thing. The Green Eyed Monster numbed me.

I know you know the dirty things I did to keep up my friendship with the Devil. I am so ashamed. I exposed others to what ails me, and I am so ashamed.My evil friend comforted me.

I hate the things I've done and the girl I have become. Yet, My Green Eyes gave me confidence and self respect I lost within myself.

I understand your "tough love" when you let me sit in jail. It was my chance to get healthy again. I'm sorry that I failed you.

I never meant to lie to you, and I know that you forgive me. I feel blessed for that.

No, I don't forgive you. There's nothing to forgive.

If this sounds a bit disjointed, it's because I'm in a rush. Give the kids a kiss for me. I'll see you soon enough.

You see, Mr. Green Eyes caused an illness, and Jesus understands. He's waiting in the light for me to lead me by the hand.

With Love,

Me

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Comments 3 comments

Jack West profile image

Jack West 5 years ago

It's so hard to write letters like these. As addicts we've let so many people that loved us down. What amazes me is how many are willing and ready to forgive us. If only we seek it. Thanks for a great hub


tammyfrost profile image

tammyfrost 5 years ago from Oregon

Great Hub...If only more addicts thought like you did or do now.


Mary Lincoln 5 years ago

Wow Colleen,

That was pretty deep. You really made me think about things differently just by reading this. I've always thought it should be easy for an addict to get their poop in a group.

Mary

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