Depression and finding yourself

When the weather turns cool, I find myself losing it

 

In the fall, the Earth will begin a transformation.   The trees will begin to offer their gifts of vibrancy to the ground.  Children will delight in the festive ground covering and will kick, jump and pounce into it.  Adults will mumble as they feel a need to gather this treasure and dispose of it.    I used to relish autumn.  I love the yellows, oranges and reds that are presented to me on a daily basis.  I used to think of it as a time of cleansing.  Casting away the remnants of the past and going into a short hibernation so that you can collect your thoughts and make new choices which will better your life.  Now, I find that I react adversely like so many others.  I must force myself to walk in the woods; to reconnect with nature in all its splendor during this time.  Walking in the fall is lovely!  The crunchy leaves. The breezes and colorful scenery.  It is then, I often feel a new found hope in autumn.  A chance for new starts and new attitudes.  Then, it snows…..

 

In the past, winters  seemed to bring trees that stood frozen; motionless.  Even the whipping winds couldn’t get them to move.  Silhouettes against a blanket of white.  I had allowed myself  to take on a form similar to the frozen trees.  I craved to have love embrace me; warm me.  The pristine blanket of white was often viewed as a shroud, rather than a coating that served to protect me from feelings that injured and served to minimize myself as a person. 

 

This fall, I will spread open my arms and catch the colors as they fall from the sky.  This winter, I will catch snowflakes on my tongue and embrace the crystal art as it rests upon my eyelashes.  I will laugh more and love more.  I will view the change of the seasons as a new opportunity to express and discover myself; rather than an end to something.

 

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