Domestic Abuse in Teenage Dating

Violence in Teenage Dating

Statistics show that 1 in 3 teenagers have experienced violence while dating. Dating abuse crosses all racial, economic and social lines. Part of the problem is teen girls haven't had much experience in dating and they are effected by peer pressure. Teens also want independence from their parents, plus they have a very romantic view of love. Then, some young men think they have a right to control their girlfriends with physical aggression. They may have seen this at home. They often demand intimacy. Read the list below and see if any of those characteristics are happening in your relationship.

Be Aware of Signs of Teen Violence

Teen  Violence source kcdvtg respect
Teen Violence source kcdvtg respect

Domestic Violence Teen Dating Abuse 101 Citizens Against

Power and Control

A batterer or abuser’s goal is to gain power and control over you. He will use economic abuse, coercion and threats, intimidation, emotional abuse, isolation and minimizing, denying and blaming you. The abuser will use verbal, physical or sexual violence to get the control he seeks. No matter how many times he apologizes, he will not change. He is not able to change without long term help. Get away from him to be safe.

Description of Domestic Violence

The Mayo Clinic describes Domestic Violence as "domestic abuse, battering or intimate partner violence which occurs between people in an intimate relationship. Other organizations have similar descriptions. Domestic violence can take many forms, including emotional, sexual and physical abuse." Domestic is most often directed toward women and can occur in heterosexual or homosexual relationships. There are some women that are violent toward men but a much smaller percentage.

Suspicious Behaviors to be Aware of

Below are actions that should make you suspicious of your partner's behavior and have concern for your own well being. It isn't always easy in the beginning to pick out these behaviors.

  • Resorts to name calling and generally treats you disrespectfully when you are alone
  • Tries to control everywhere you go, whether to school or a friends house
  • Tries to isolate you slowly from friends then family
  • Acts jealous, is possessive and will accuse you of being unfaithful
  • Tries to control any money that you have as to how you spend it or may take it from you
  • Acts more angry or even violent when he has been drinking or doing drugs
  • Hits, kicks, shoves, slaps, chokes or otherwise hurts you or your pets
  • He forces you to have sex against your will or make you perform acts you aren't comfortable with
  • May threaten you with a weapon or violence
  • Any fights or confrontations will be blamed on you with him saying you got what you deserved until his anger subside
  • Apologies, may bring you a gift the next day and tells you how sorry he is as he promises it will never happen again

It takes a lot of courage to ask for help from others, to get out of that relationship and/or to get some education to be able to yourself and your children if you have them. There are many agencies available now to help you. Some type of counseling and support is imperative as you need to begin emotional, physical and mental healing.

National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Week Promotion Video

Domestic Violence Hotline

Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE97233) or TTY 1-800-787-9884.

My purpose in writing this article is to increase awareness of the teen violence problem. If you recognized any of the signs listed above, don't walk, run away from that relationship. You deserve someone who will treat you better. Get help from your family, a school counselor or an adult you can trust. These men don't change. I don't care what they promise. I have worked with many people affected by domestic violence, so be smart and get out fast while you can.

If you grew up in an alcoholic or drug abuse family, seek out self-help groups like Alanon or get some counseling. Learn to love yourself. You are perfect in God's eyes. You deserve a life that is rewarding and you deserve to be happy. Being scared all the time is a terrible way to live.

© 2009 Pamela Oglesby

More by this Author


Comments 27 comments

Robert Hartzell profile image

Robert Hartzell 7 years ago from Jacksonville, FL

Good article with lots of facts. Robert


Roberta99 profile image

Roberta99 7 years ago

Seeing all those behaviors listed really made me sit up and take notice as I always thought of abuse as mainly physical. This is a well written article. Roberta99


Diana Solomon 7 years ago

You provided some excellent information with signs for people to watch for in a relationship. I was physically abused by an ex-boyfriend, but once it escalated to that point, I immediately terminated the relationship and moved away from him. You're right when you say they don't change, and they don't, even if they say they will, don't believe it. Good for you that you had the sense to know you deserved better, and did something about it!


Carrie DeSha profile image

Carrie DeSha 7 years ago from Atlanta, GA

This is great information! Sometimes seeing it in writing really helps to put things in perspective. I wish I could have shown this to my friend who was lucky to get out of an abusive relationship last May with only a black eye. It could have been (and surely would have gotten) a lot worse...

I hope anyone who knows someone suffering domestic abuse can share this article.


Roberta99 profile image

Roberta99 7 years ago

Good information


Jordan Dill 7 years ago

Excellent article! Simple and to the point. Enough information that will allow those who seek it not to be too overwhelmed!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 7 years ago from United States Author

Thank you all for your comments. I think it is so important for people to understand the symptoms and how subtle this syndrome can start. You can easily be right in the middle of the abuse and wonder how you got there.


Mystique1957 profile image

Mystique1957 6 years ago from Caracas-Venezuela

Pam...

It is always sad to hear these things. Abusers not only lack common sense, they lack love, true love. If you cannot be yourself for you have to accommodate your partner, it is an unhealthy relationship! I am bringing this hub to the light so new people can read it!

Good hub!

Thumbs up!

warm regards and blessings,

Al


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States Author

Abuse is all about control and that is not love. I completely agree with you and appreciate your comment.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Pamela, This is a great domestic violence dating report, very to the point and very helpful information. The most profound thing you mentioned is that you just don't think of it as abuse it's as if they know how much to hold back until like you say, you feel trapped, good points. There is a way OUT! Peace :)


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 6 years ago from United States Author

Katiem, Thanks for you comments and I agree that there is a way out but many feel trapped in these abusive situations. I wanted to write an article aimed at those that aren't already married with children which further complicates the situation.


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

Hi Pam... great article and you have done very well in pointing out the signs. We are growing into a society that has become more and more abusive. I has spread into all forms of society. Sadly to a point we fail to see it anymore. When I look at what is on TV and in video games abuse is becoming the norm. Hugs for writing this...

Rolly in Canada


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 4 years ago from United States Author

Rolly, I see the same things on TV and in video games, which I believe has a very negative impact on children. I appreciate your comments as always. Blessings.


DDE profile image

DDE 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

Domestic Abuse in Teenage Dating very interesting topic a useful and informative hub.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

DDE, It is so sad to think it even occurs. I appreciate your comments.


Rusti Mccollum profile image

Rusti Mccollum 3 years ago from Lake Oswego, Oregon

This should not happen. I'm a domestic violence survivor. (I wrote my story hard as it was .) i think its great you wrote this .It helps make people more aware Thankyou


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Rusti, I am a survivor also. I had hoped my article could reach young people because it this happens dating, they are quite likely to marry an abuser. That is a lifetime of misery as you cannot always get away easily. I eventually did, but mine stalked me for a couple of years also. Thanks for your comments and sharing your experience. I am going to read your hub. Thanks.


pstraubie48 profile image

pstraubie48 3 years ago from sunny Florida

Hi Pamela

And why the girls stay with those abusive guys or why the guys stay with those abusive girls can be explained to be ten thousand times and I will not get it. My roommate in college my freshman year was beaten almost to a pulp and still she stayed with him. I kept telling her I would not come to her funeral if he succeeded in killing her.

I do not know what happened to her as I transferred to a school closer to home and we lost touch.

Thanks for sharing this o, so important topic.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Patricia, Some married women with children don't have many choices, but a single girl in college surely has choices. I don't undertand it either. Thanks for the comments.


midget38 profile image

midget38 3 years ago from Singapore

I have personally come across a few teen boys who have resorted to violence because their girlfriends would not give in to their demands. It is hard for ladies who are married, but whatever it is, people always have the choice to break free of the violence, even if the choices are tough to make.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

midget, They do have a choice, tough or otherwise. I had a tough time getting away from the violence even with restraining orders, but I did manage to break away. I never had any violence as a teen, but that should be a re flag for any girl. They have to make healthy choices for a happy, safe life. Thanks so much for your comments.


Denise Handlon profile image

Denise Handlon 3 years ago from North Carolina

What an important message, Pamela. Thanks for sharing this. Part of the problem is the lack of communication between parent and child. There may be an overall disconnected relationship, or the teen may feel uncomfortable sharing this horrific ordeal.

The other problem is the confusion that is evoked...even an independent girl in other areas of her life may crumble if she wants the security of a bf and then puts up with it.

This is truly such an important hub. I'll be happy to share the message. UP/U/I


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Denise, I think you make a very good point concerning the communication between teens and their parents. I think sometimes teens don't want to tell their parents as parents will tend to be more protective and then the teens freedom may be a bit curtailed. I also think shame can be a reason they don't tell anyone. I agree with you about the confusion also. This is a serious problem.

I appreciate your comments and the share.


tillsontitan profile image

tillsontitan 3 years ago from New York

As accurate and useful today as it was four years ago Pamela. Unfortunately domestic violence is still with us and anything we can do to educate people is certainly worth reading and spreading! This is a terrific piece.

Voted up, useful, interesting and shared.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Mary, Domestic violence has been a problem for such a long time, and I don't see where we have made any progress in combating this problem. As you said education is so important. Thanks so much for your comments.


suzettenaples profile image

suzettenaples 3 years ago from Taos, NM

Excellent and pertinent article. It is so sad that this is a problem with teenagers, at home and with dating. Very interesting and informative.


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 3 years ago from United States Author

Suzzette, It is very sad. Hopefully we can increase awareness as the problem seems to be worse, instead of better. Thanks for your comments.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working