Even More Lost

I was 20 years old, moving back home, from a semester at college that only lasted only a few weeks. A few week is all it took for me to realized I just wanted to party. A path that took me into the world of drunkenness. Well the party ended, and I was on my way back to move back into my parents house, again. This idea did not thrill me, in fact I got so depressed because I could not drink like I was. The first few weeks were filled with a darkness that can only be described as death itself. I was hopeless and lost without my drink. I needed to get drunk, I had to get drunk. There began the new problem I had to face. I had to find a job.

The job search ended fairly soon and I got a job as a correctional officer. My first thoughts on this job were filled with excitement and change! I thought to myself that this was just what I needed to get my life together and make a career to make my family proud! The first month was full of training and more training, test after test. Finally I was on my own I was a officer. At this point in my life I was actually slowing my drinking to only the weekends, which made me feel like less of a alcoholic. Yet, little did I know that would be the last of my problems.

Working 12 hour shifts three or four days out of the week and graveyard was exhausting, and when weekends came around I was usually so tired, too tired to party. I had to get out, I was getting depressed again because I never went anywhere or did anything but work. One morning after work I was invited to eat and hang out with a few of my co-workers. I took this opportunity and we went to breakfast,

It was around noon and I was getting tired, after a 12 hours shift I had every right to be tired. A co-worker noticed that I was getting tired and offered me some cocaine. That was it for me, I was addicted, it was love at first taste! I felt like I could conquer the world! Sleep who needs sleep, i sure didn't think I did. Cocaine was a new experience for me, from a pot head to a drunk now this. I was hooked.

The next few months where filled with sex, drugs and drunken stupor. I was back! No one could stop me now, I was spiraling again out of control. My nights were filled with live band parties and lots of friends. I had one particular friend and he was my other half. He was my best friend his name is Joe. Joe and I were inseparable even at work, we were always together. Sometimes I found myself wondering how we could be such good friends and he does not flirt with me.

Well because he was not disrespectful toward me and treated me like one of the guys I was always with him and we would dance our nights away in complete bliss. Our nights were full of musical ecstasy, we would play our music like rock stars, and we sure partied like it too. Cocaine filled nights and plenty of alcohol fueled our drunken musical paradise.

This went on for months, work and then party, drink and get high. I didn't care. My joy was in an altered state of mind, I was oblivious toward reality. Even after I got fired from my job, I didn't care. I just bounced right back up and found a new job. Well this new job was also a correctional officer, just at a different facility, and the only difference was I slowed the cocaine use and became a heavy drinker instead. Drinking, my favorite demon was back. He always came back and I never thought I had a problem, I thought drinking was my one and only true friend. I lost my job in less that 3 months, and next thing I knew I was living with a crack head in a different town.

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