Existence Of Anger
My prayers and hopes are that this hub may be read or reach people who have anger control issues. It's not something I really like to admit but I do have a deep-seated anger and at times it can be difficult to maintain.
The purpose of this hub is to show you the anger I have and to explain how I am able to keep it controlled.
I put this picture here because as we were working at Lastheart's cousin's house yesterday, this iguana became trapped and I had to free it. The iguana was very angry and I found it out the difficult way when I got lashed by it's tail a couple times.
Our anger can be the same as the iguana's at times; we lash out at those that are trying to help us. It is very easy to do that with our anger and not direct it to where it should rightfully go.
Some of you, by reading my hubs, know my life. Many don't though and I will explain where much of my anger has come from before I give the steps I use to control it.
The iguana is free now and hopefully much happier than being stuck in that fence with a dog trying to chew it's head off. I wonder if it realizes I helped it and was not trying to hurt it?
Children should not be angry for long periods of time. Sure, bouts of anger may come because they don't get their way or were punished for bad actions or decisions but overall, a child should experience happiness and joy.
I was an angry child. I may not have showed it on the outside, but inside it was there. Anger in many instances controlled my actions.
I started as an Air Force brat always moving. We lived in Japan when I was quite young and I experienced prejudice. "You bombed my family" was the main thing the kid's yelled as they ganged up on me. "Why did my parent's bring me here?" I questioned.
My parent's soon divorced and I didn't have a Dad to look up to. We moved to the Iowa corn land and I felt an anger like no other because my Mom was always working and I had to be a "grown-up" and take care of my little brother. The anger came out in secret ways. I started smoking cigarettes and when I did have play time, I hung with all the kid's that Mom didn't want me around. We shoplifted and did vandalism. I was angry and I wanted to get it out. This God that everyone talked about, why wouldn't He take my anger away?
Mom found a man; a Father figure for us. Would I be able to be a kid again. Nope, it was too late I think. My anger grew because this guy took my power from me. He seemed to act like I was his personal slave so I kept getting more angry. I fought in school and skipped classes. I was in the principal's office regularly. Then it happened! I got in a fist fight with an African-American boy and in the fight I got a straight shot into one of his eyes. In the principal's office his eye was bloody red but I thought nothing of it; the fight had relieved some of my anger. A smile came to my face as the board of education hit me 10 times on my butt.
My Step-Dad was reading the paper at the dinner table when his big hand knocked me off my chair. He had just read in the newspaper that we were getting sued for $200,000. It was in the news before the processor had even served the papers. The boy had to have a glass eye put in. My anger intensified; 4 days later I had my life savings($800) and I was on a Greyhound bus to Denver, Colorado. I ran away and I stayed away. I was on my own at 15 years old.
Anger stayed with me, but it was not childhood anger anymore.
Anger With Situations
Somehow, someway I made a go of things. I was bright enough to get a fake I.D. and a job. I worked at the Cherry Creek Inn on Colorado Boulevard. I set up banquets and made a pretty good wage for a boy of 15 years old. I met people and discovered drugs. I had to take a bus or hitchhike to work since I lived a few miles away in a "seedy" part of South Denver right on Broadway St. with drunks in a $80 a month efficiency apartment. The bathroom and shower was shared by the 6 people on that floor. I still consider vomiting just thinking of the place.
Crime was my side-work. I sold drugs and robbed homosexuals. Anger controlled me and when people spoke of God to me, I would yell at them, but in my quiet times, I did consider and question God.
The drug use got terrible. I ate acid like candy and before long I got braver and braver. The burglary happened a snowy night and my buddy got caught inside the liquor store/pharmacy. Cops caught up with me 3 days later and I was discovered. I had been gone from Iowa for over 1 year and my family thought I was dead. They had searched and searched to no avail. They had questioned all my friends and the one who knew wouldn't tell.
Mom had divorced my step-dad and soon moved to Nebraska. While I was in jail in Denver, I did start reading the Bible. I received diversionary probation but I never went to see the probation officer and since I was 16 they couldn't just send me back to my Mom, but I just went home anyway. I didn't tell the probation people.
An Angry Life
It seemed life had started turning a different tide for me. My anger subsided and I got married and settled down for a short time. Drugs, namely marijuana, started coming back into my life. Finances were tough and my wife was pregnant with our first child. I started selling pot to make it and I soon got busted. I sold 1 ounce of marijuana to a snitch who was wearing a wire. The war on drugs had went into full swing and I was an example to be set. The judge gave me 3-6 years in the State penitentiary. My anger exploded in the courtroom where I told the judge I would get him when I was released while my wife was screaming.
Most of the other inmates saw my anger when I started fighting the minute I entered lockup. No one would make me their "girl" or take advantage of me. When I got moved to my permanent cell block I was deemed that I would need to take chemical dependency. That is where I realized I had an anger problem.
I learned many useful things in those meetings. I sat with murderers, rapists and many other convicts and dealt with internal issues. I distinctly remember a man named John who had murdered his parents. John told me if I didn't change, I would be back doing a life sentence.
I'm not in prison for life.
I did change and I owe that change to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I also thank John Baker for telling me what was on his heart.
I still have anger. You can read the things that have happened to me in the last few years and then ask yourself, "who wouldn't be angry?"
It's alright to have anger, but how you handle it is the key.
At first, I bought cheap glass ashtrays and broke them when I was angry. It got old cleaning up the glass. I bought a punching bag. My fists turned raw. Then my anger found a place to subside. I had given my life to Jesus, but not my anger. I went to the altar and handed my anger to Jesus.
How could I show anger when He was hung on a cross by me and didn't get angry with me?
How could I be angry when I was the one who spit and hung thorns on His head?
Jesus forgave me and is not angry with me. Instead, He loves me.
To deal with anger when it arises I go to prayer and my Bible. Here are a couple scriptures that come directly to mind:
He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that rules his spirit than he that takes a city.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be you kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you.
There are many,many more.
We all will have anger, but how we handle it is the whole key. Even Jesus had anger.
Always remember when you get angry, more than likely you will take it out on the person who is trying to help or someone who loves you. Much like the iguana I was trying to help in the picture; his tail put a welt in my skin.
I still have anger. I am angry with politics, with crimes against children and with many other things going on, but God has shown me another way to handle that anger. Let Him have your anger today.
You'll Be Glad You Did!
© 2012 Greg Boudonck
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