Expectations, to have an expectant attitude!

How many times haven’t our expectations ruined it for us? Or ruined it for people around us? It is just as bad if people around us have high expectations and we are the cause for their unhappiness as if we feel unhappy because others fails to live up to our expectations!

We constantly fool ourselves with expectations and most of the time those expectations will never be fulfilled. The only thing our expectations will achieve is that we feel miserable and as a failure. With age I have learned not to set up so high expectations and have more realistic goals for different things. But nevertheless, even now I find that I sometimes fall in the trap any way! At least I think I must have, since I still get disappointed now and then, both by people in my surrounding and because of my self!

Expectations can ruin so much!
Expectations can ruin so much! | Source
Expect what you can control!
Expect what you can control! | Source

Let me give you some examples from moments which can mean that we have an expectant attitude!

Family life with your spouse!

When the weekend comes and you have planned for a romantic evening with your spouse after your gorgeous little children have fallen to sleep.

If you where just a little bit realistic or thought this through a little you should know that this is probably not going to work, in fact you have won the lottery if it is working since there are millions ways it can go wrong!

I will give you just a few: Your children can´t sleep and the delicious dinner you have prepared is a complete failure that is both burned and cold by the time you two can sit down to eat. And even if we love our children dearly, they don’t add so much to a romantic feeling. Or your spouse is to occupied with problems at work to actually notice you or the fantastic dinner your have prepared. Or maybe he/she is exhausted after a week’s hard work and falls to sleep in an unattractive heap on the sofa after just one glass of wine!

Family and relatives!

You are planning for an event with the relatives and you have made a special effort to show that you are a first class chef and a good wife/ husband.

All the children are noise and unhappy since they don’t think it is funny to sit at a dinner table watching grown up that just eat and talk. You can also feel there is something wrong between your sister and her husband, there is a tension between them that is almost touchable and they try hard to ignore each other. Your mother in law cant stop talking about all the misery in life; aunt this and that has got hernia, a broken hip, a stroke, a cold, pneumonia and her best friend have died recently. Your father in law keeps talking about his hobby that nobody is interested of or have heard about fifty times before or talks about how awful everything is now days and so on. Your younger brother puts so much food on his plate that the fantastic dinner you have prepared looks almost disgusting. If you are lucky some of all those people will acknowledge all the hours you have put down in preparing this event. And when they all have left you just sit there, wondering why on Earth you got through so much trouble!

Holidays!

You and your family are going away for the weekend and you have made hotel reservations and planned some activities! The site you are going to visit have the most unbelievable beach you have ever seen and the small restaurants at the site looks so picturesque and cosy!

You and your family arrive tired after a long journey to this fantastic place and found out that all the cosy restaurants have closed for the night and you end up in the hotel bar eating a hamburger. The next morning the sun is shining from a blue sky but a strong wind is blowing so there is red flags all over the lovely beach accompanied with signs that screams out the message: “Warning for strong undercurrents!” You have to put all your effort on preventing your kids from become swept away by dangerous undercurrent because they can’t stay away from that lovely beach and the sea. After half on hour you give up and the whole family ends up in an in-door swimming pool instead. The next day your kids are eager to go to the indoor swimming pool again but you and your spouse isn’t so keen on spending another day in that environment. So, the compromise is that you leave your kids in the bath guard´s care and go for a walk in the lovely surroundings. In the afternoon and the evening you spend more time walking around in this little town, shopping and eating. After a few days with hard wind constantly moving in from the sea you have walked all the small roads in the little town and poked around in all those lovely little shops and spent a fortune on clothes, food, ice-crème and candy.

A beautiful beach, as long as you don't try to take a swim!
A beautiful beach, as long as you don't try to take a swim! | Source

New Year’s Eve

It is New Year’s Eve and you and your spouse have been invited to friends for a great party. This is going to be the party of the year, with good food and many happy memories. For some reason the party starts out somewhat stiff after all the presentations are done. Everyone has evaluated each other and all the right social phrases are said and done. The evening’s host feels the awkward tuning and solves the problem by constantly filling up everyone’s glasses. Even though adults should know better they don’t! Before midnight several of the men are either very drunk or asleep. And others have problem sticking to their wife/husband. By midnight there certainly isn’t any glamour left, the champagne feels just as bitter as your mood and all you want is to get out of there!

Friends!

It is time for the annual reunion with your old girl friends. You have all known each other for more than twenty-five years and been through a lot together. During those meetings everything from fashion, life, work and most of all the never-ending subject relations and relations problems becomes discussed. After a night with them you usually walk home with pain in the jaw and stomach because you laugh all the time, feeling happy inside and also strong because you have such good friends.

But not this time, suddenly a dramatic change has happen! Everyone is there, but all are a little bit older. Instead of matters of the heart and life you end up in a discussion of hip surgery (this really must be a very common surgery, is everyone walking around with a new hip…) pain here and pain there, bleeding disorders and diabetes. By the time you reach the dessert you have advanced on to high cholesterol and sleeping disorders! On your way home you don’t have so much pain in your jaw or the stomach and your mind is totally occupied thinking that you might have high cholesterol after all!

It takes 90 seconds for feelings to wash trough our body when we react to something around us that makes us angry, afraid, sad etc.


If you still are angry after 90 seconds you have chosen to be angry!

High expectations are the key to everything!

Sam Walton

The best things in life are unexpected – because there were no expectations.

Eli Khamarov

Keep high aspirations, moderate expectations, and small needs.

William Howard Stein

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.

Edward de Bono

Summing-up!

Every one of the events described above could be quite all right and some of them could be quite funny and exciting if only the expectations we have in our mind where more realistic. The people around us aren’t the big problem because we can never control them and decide how they should act and behave. The only thing we can control is our own mind.

  • It is only you that can control your thoughts!
  • Take control over your thoughts and don't let them run wild in your head!
  • You can choose wether or not you want to waste your time on disappointment or annoyance!
  • Take advantage of all of life´s moments. Even the less amazing!
  • Dont think that you can write script to people around you!
  • Choose how you want to look at your reality!
  • Choose how you want to react on things that happens in your surrounding!
  • Have empathy with others. They are just human!

I constantly remind my self of this when I feel my thoughts are wondering off to fantasyland anticipating those moments of happiness and special moments.

All the miserable or not so successful events are part of our life too and we must try to welcome them as opportunities to train our selves. What we need is to improve our self-esteem and to be more emphatic. The happy moments will come anyway but not always when we expect them to!

Do you feel disappointed by people around you?

  • Yes, constantly!
  • Yes, to often!
  • Yes, now and then!
  • No, hardly ever!
  • No, never!
See results without voting

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Comments 32 comments

qlcoach profile image

qlcoach 5 years ago from Cave Junction, Oregon

Interesting ideas here. I think expectations can be positive if they are flexible and produce reasonable goals. More importantly, I believe in finding that balance between mind, body, and spirit. Here's to that attitude of gratitude that lifts our spirits today. Peace and Light...Gary.


KathyH profile image

KathyH 5 years ago from Las Vegas, Nevada

Great hub, and interesting topic! :) I've known so many people who hope for a "Norman Rockwell" type Christmas and other holidays, they have their expectations so high that they are almost not even achievable! Then they are disappointed. I think some of the problem with that is driven by retailers telling people "buy this, buy that" for the "perfect holiday." The human factor is often forgotten!! Voted up and interesting!! Thanks for sharing!


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi qlcoach, it is great meeting you! I agree that some expectations can be positive if they help us reach our goals. Thank you for reminding me that expectations isn't always bad:) You have some good points there! The times when expectations are not so good is when we have to high expectations on others. It isn't realistic because we can not control them! The only thing we can control is our selves and our thoughts and it saves us both time and sadness if we do. Thank you for reading and for your comment,

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi KathyH, that is a big part of the problem I think! We are brainwashed with messages that we need to buy in order to feel happy and satisfied. Especially Christmas have become more and more about buying things and in a way we overdo everything about that weekend. In some way we chase after something that in most cases already are there,, our family! Thanks for reading, the votes and I am so glad you liked this,

Tina


DexisView profile image

DexisView 5 years ago from New England

Hi Tina, I loved this hub. I find that my expectations for myself are much higher than I have for others. Used to make myself crazy trying to meet my own expectations. I have found with age and wisdom .. as well as experience ... that expectations aren't always bad they drive us to achieve; however, I have learned balance. Less stress when we realize that we never really have control of any situation...which is what makes life interesting.

I enjoyed this hub! Take care.


Alastar Packer profile image

Alastar Packer 5 years ago from North Carolina

Tina it was fun reading this. The situations in and of themselves weren't necessarily humorous its just that we can get disappointed by so many different things in life you have to chuckle at them sometimes. Your New Years Eve and Family and Relatives are good examples. Well, the Friends one too; that's so true about the conversations going in a medical way as time goes on..lol. I do very much like your Summing Up also, true words of wisdom. Skoal to unexpected happy moments! Tack Tina!


AliciaC profile image

AliciaC 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Your hub is full of interesting ideas, Tina, and has given me lots of things to think about! Thank you for sharing your thoughts.


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

Voted up, useful, and interesting. This is a great article Tina. Very good points throughout. I always set high expectations in everything I do and it often leads to negative thoughts and feelings. I shouldn't expect things so highly, but should expect on realistic terms. Very interesting. It makes perfect sense. I agree. "don't fret about things you have no control over". A fantastic read Tina. Great job. Until next time...


carriethomson profile image

carriethomson 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi tina!! couldnt stop from voting this up!! how very true!! it is really very difficult to cope up when things dont happen according to your expectation!! it happens with me all the time!! sometimes i manage well but sometimes the disapointement becomes very apparent to the people around me!!

carrie


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Dexis, Yes, I have very much the same experience as you! I have so high expectations for myself but one learn with time as you say. Unfortunately, it gives us many stressful moments but I can also see that it is positive in some way. It takes time to get the balance that is needed and to be able to live life in a more relaxed way!

Thanks for your valuable thoughts on this, and best wishes to you! I appreciate your comment!

Tina


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 5 years ago from United Kingdom

Lots to think about here Tina and some good ideas, really enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing and voting up.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Alastar, I so agree with you and it is good that we are able to see the humour in the situations afterwards:) Fortunately we learn by our mistakes and eventually we will not feel disappointed. Because it is a waste with both time and effort.

Thanks for your support that means so much to me! Skoal Alastar and lets hope we get many unexpected happy moments!

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Alicia, I am so glad you came by! It is great to share thoughts and ideas with a good hubfriend! Take care

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

The lyricwriter, Maybe that constant search for happiness and happy moments is one of the big human flaws! We are the masters on planning ahead in our mind and sort of directing our surrounding as if that was the only way to be or do. What a hubris:)

Thanks for adding to this hub with your thoughts and for the kind words. See you soon again!

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Carrie, I think we are many with the same experience! We would be so much better off if we could just let people do as they like and not letting it affect how we feel. But knowing is half way to the cure so I think you will be all right! Thanks for your enthusiastic and sincere comment carrie, I am glad you took the time to read and comment!

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Movie M! You are so welcome and so is your comment. To share ideas and thoughts with others is what makes writing to a special experience! Thanks for reading,

Tina


fucsia profile image

fucsia 5 years ago

Hi Tina! This is a great Hub!

"All the miserable or not so successful events are part of our life too and we must try to welcome them as opportunities to train our ". This phrase summarized very well your important message.

I am totally agree with you!

Voted Up!


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Thanks for the lovely words and the vote fuchsia! It is so easy to just live for the happy moments but there are so many good ordinary moments too. I appreciate your visit and wish you a great day!

Tina


thelyricwriter profile image

thelyricwriter 5 years ago from West Virginia

In all seriousness Tina, it probably is. You really did a great job on explaining expectations in this article. As you said, most of us plan ahead and I believe we do tend to expand on what we believe is due course, if that makes sense. It shows how our positive thinking can lead to negative feelings when we come short on our expectations and goals we set in our life. This is such an interesting topic Tina. Your very creative:)


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 5 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi thelyricwriter, these kind of thoughts come through my mind now and then when I get disappointed by things that I really shouldn't. I expect more of myself and I try hard to change my own thoughts instead of blaming others. Yes, it makes good sense! What a great way to put it; that our positive thinking can lead to negative feelings! I knew there must be something wrong with this constant brainwash and propaganda for positive thinking:)

This topic is endless and the best thing is that it is possible to change our thoughts when we realise why and how! Thanks for the interesting comment and for adding to this hub!

Tina


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

thougtforce – This is certainly one of my major problems since I can remember. I really expect too much of myself, of others, of situations and events, and of life..... So I am actually permanently busy to cope with painful disappointment. So tiresome! And really, I try not to expect anything, I convince myself with positive thoughts that I am going with the flow, taking everything just as it comes. But when I find myself again, I am low down in the dumps with disappointment. I always DECIDE not to waste time down there; I will go on as if I am not at all in a state of disappointment, but all the time my heart will literally feels heavy in me. Only one thing gets me out of this – a new challenge. But then again I will expect too much.... This is my ridiculous life!

Thanks for this very well-presented hub, Tina. I know I will never change, but at least I know what’s wrong with me.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Martie, I know what you mean, although we know we should not have too high expectations on ourselves and others, it's another thing to not let the disappointments affect us. I also fall in the trap now and then but I find it more and more easy to shake it off. It has been a major problem in my life too:) I took me a long time to realize that other people can see the reality in another way. Even now I constantly have to remind myself that others have a different reality and other preferences than me. Or I decide to stay in the disappointment if I think I am right and others are wrong. I recognize what you describe and I am like you good at going on like nothing has happen. I think that is part of the problem and it must be so difficult for people around us to guess what it was that upset us or not get the chance to say; I am sorry!

I know you as a very clever and loving person with good self-knowledge so I know you are ok even if you never change! Every person must have some faults:)

I appreciate your thoughts on this Martie and I always enjoy reading your comments

Tina


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

A great hub and thank you for sharing.

Here's to so many more ;take care and enjoy your weekend.

Eddy.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Eiddwen, I appreciate your support and your comment! It really is a great weekend here even though the snow is falling! I hope you have a fantastic weekend also,

Take care

Tina


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

What a nice, positive message. This is a great hub. I am a big believer that we get what we give in life. If we are negative, we will get that in return. You really did a great job of verbalizing that. Well done!


KDF profile image

KDF 4 years ago from Central Illinois

Very cool hub. I try to stay real. Expect the unexpected and nothing seems to amaze me anymore : O


Curiad profile image

Curiad 4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

This is a great hub thoughtforce, I am one of those that gives 150% of myself and have had the same issue with expecting the same in return. The frustration and pain that comes from not getting 150% back especially when it is your spouse, can be devastating. As you say, it is one thing to realize this but another to follow it in your life.

Voted up!


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Tammy, Yes, we better decide how to interpret life and our surrounding! At least for our own sake:) Thanks for reading and for your support, I appreciate you!

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi KDF, it is nice to meet you! I agree with you and I notice how I get more realistic view of life for every year that pass:) In some way it is a sad development but on the other hand it is better to be realistic and see people and our environment as it is. "Expect the unexpected", what a great statement!

Thanks for reading and for your great comment,

Tina


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

Hi Curiad! It really is painful and it takes so much energy to feel that deep disappointment that comes from expecting too much from others. I really try to get away from this behavior for my own sake, well knowing that I don't have the right to write manuscript for others. We usually expect more from our spouse than from others and when our spouse doesn't live up to our expectations we mix in all kind of feelings into it, for example, he/she doesn't love me, he/she should know better and so on. But even if we fall for it now and then I think we are on the right track because knowledge is the first step towards making some changes. I know I will get disappointed now and then also in the future but I get more and more realistic about what to expect from others! And I hope the same goes for you! Thanks for your insight about this, and it is great to meet you!

Tina


acaetnna profile image

acaetnna 4 years ago from Guildford

I totally believe that what we give in this life will be returned in abundance. This is a great hub as always Tina and I love to come to you for vibrant and informative information. Voting up and pressing the appropriate buttons as always.


thougtforce profile image

thougtforce 4 years ago from Sweden Author

acaetnna, I agree with you there! But sometimes I feel that there is a delay in the "paying back":)) Or maybe I am too impatient? I guess I should add: to have patience, to the list above! Thanks for your encouraging and positive comment, I appreciate you and are grateful for the votes!

Tina

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