Fibromyalgia and FORGIVENESS

How Resentment Can Make a Heart Heavy

"Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." Hannah More

It is quite natural to feel strong negative feelings, associated with someone hurting, insulting or berating us. Naturally, when the hurt is deep enough we want to blame those who hurt us (physically or emotionally). We think they should suffer as we have.

By hurting them we think it will make us feel better, when the opposite is true. The anger will just grow and the hurt will imbed itself deep within us.

We don’t feel better, stronger or any such thing. There is no reward in revenge. Actually revenge is not in our realm. Our reactions however are within our realm.

How we picture ourselves (hurt, weak, and the victim) can be not only humiliating but detrimental to our well being.

Especially when you have fibromyalgia you will find that not only does your thinking get askew you become deeply depressed. No one likes being the victim, but Fibromites feel the pain much deeper (leading to depression).

Resentment can result in becoming obsessed with the offending act, whether it has been done to us or to those we love. (One good reason to not share your anger with your family or close friends until you have a handle on it.

Once you are badly hurt you start relating to childhood horrors or bad times you had previously. You can become obsessed with this thinking.

Finding a way to reconcile what has been done and the fact that you are not at fault is enough to begin letting the good things come out in your life.

Oh yes, my friend, there is a lot good about you, about all of us. But it needs permission to come out and only you can give that permission. In order to do that you must first rid yourself of anger.

Anger is a filthy dirty disease and if you nurture it you will soon become consumed with it. I like to bury mine. It worked for me. I totally believed if I buried that anger and prayed to let it go it would. And it did. (Note: I went to a funeral and that is where I had the epiphany to put my anger in the casket with the deceased. With faith and determination your epiphany will come to you.)

Anger leads to resentment. Resentment can keep us awake at night thinking and thinking on the past. So can guilt. Once you own either of these, you have begun the journey of putting them in the right place in your brain. Owning is admitting to yourself what part you played in the event and what part you did not play. Then blame can be put where it belongs. This is when forgiveness begins.

The past is just that. You cannot, no matter how hard you try, live in the past.

Otherwise your health will deteriorate, your moods will be unpleasant (in some cases causing you to lose friends and family who are there to help you but just don’t know how).

These moods can create distractions and errors at work and in some cases cost you your job. That is not only costly, but counterproductive. You are the one suffering, usually due to other’s actions.

It has been said you can compare this to a person taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It is our thoughts (even subconscious) that make us suffer.

Once again I recommend the bookWhat to Say to Yourself, by Dr. Shad Helmstedder. It is amazing how we are actually programming and being programmed from birth. This book is sort of like a de-programming guide.

The power to stay where we are, or move on is in our hands. This has to be a conscious decision.

We can take our power back by forgiving and cultivating genuine compassion. Notice I said “cultivating”? Fellow Fibromites, this takes time and patience with yourself.

I am living proof that it can be done. I was consumed with anger twice in my life and with time and hard work (emotionally), as well as help from therapy, I was able to let it go. Oh the freedom that brought to me.

“We discover the freedom to be inventive in relating to others, to handling traumatic experiences in a strong and firm manner and standing up for ourselves without damaging anyone else. Being resilient, weathering the next storm or navigating the present upheaval requires an open heart and a clear mind that results from forgiving and having compassion.”

To be resilient requires a lightness of step and the flexibility to move and not stay stuck or mired in yesterday.

It is through accepting the reality of what has been done, accepting the reality of having been hurt, betrayed, wronged; working through the layers and layers of difficult emotions and thoughts accompanying the injury, and finding ways to improve our life and state of mind that gives us the best opportunity for true freedom from insult and trauma.” *

Admitting, feeling and letting go of the negative emotions is how we transcend from victim to victor.

Forgiveness does not absolve the perpetrator at all. It simply frees us of that burden. Compassion and genuine forgiveness gives a green light only to the innocent.

No one is saying it is easy. It is not. However, it can be done and the freeing from resentment and ugly thoughts is unbelievably joyous.

The price is time and sincere energy, the reward is peace of mind.

Often you need help from a professional. That is a good thing. My momma said only the truly sick refuse to get help. So it is healthy to seek counsel, advice and sometimes take medicine to help you along the way.

I wish you all freedom and joy!

*Reference: “The Woman's Book of Resilience: 12 Qualities to Cultivate" by Beth Miller

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17 comments

Deborah Demander profile image

Deborah Demander 5 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

Beautifully written and so true. Anger will eat us from the inside out. As a massage therapist, many of my clients suffer from chronic pain. It is a dreadful disease. Stay strong of heart.

Namaste.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Anger is like a cancer...it can take over your whole body...and what for? People can be mean, and foolish with their words. Anger can take up too much time and energy that can really be well spent enjoying life as much as YOU can. As usual, a well written Hub.


Pixienot 5 years ago

Dear B. you are more than right! Anger is all consuming. The longer you let it fester the harder it is to get rid of.

Thank you for your comment and vote!


sueroy333 profile image

sueroy333 5 years ago from Indiana

Deborah and b.Malin are so right! Anger is a cancer, and it does hurt the person it lives in.

This was an excellent hub showing that anger set aside can open the door to a happy and fulfilled life.

Anger-bad.

Compassion and love-good.

Hub.. GOOD!

Voted up and liked! :)


Jillian Barclay profile image

Jillian Barclay 5 years ago from California, USA

Thank you, Pixienot! Another uplifting article!

I am not quite there yet, however! Most anger I can let go of, but not all. I prefer to blame it on my Italian genes and not my own imperfections. I just keep striving to be a better person and think that is what we should all do. Thank you again!


granniesharon profile image

granniesharon 5 years ago

I felt you there Pixie. We have all been through a lot and survived.

Keep on keepin on.


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana Author

Dear Debroah, massage is absolutely a wonderful tension reliever. We should all be so fortunate to get a massage a week, at least. Thank you.

Sue and GrannieSharon, thank you for your encouraging and validating comments. Much appreciated.

Jillian, no one said it would be easy, but I say it is possible. Keep working on releasing your anger and you will find yourself anger free one day!


W. K. Hayes profile image

W. K. Hayes 5 years ago from Bryson City, North Carolina

"Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to rage"-Yoda A huge part of why people sit back and think about the things that bother them is mainly becasue they do not know how to let go of that anger. Especially, if someone hurts them to the point they simply cannot forget about the hurt. Still, letting go and moving on is the only option anyone truly has. Great article.


Pixienot 5 years ago

I could not agree more, W.K. As with any thing important, not always easy to accomplish. Still, it must be so we can survive.

I'm glad you liked my article.


Pamela N Red profile image

Pamela N Red 5 years ago from Oklahoma

Excellent hub, Pixie. I think part of Fibromites problem is we hold emotions inside and let them cause us pain. We have to learn to let go.


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana Author

Dear Pamela, You are so right. We are peacemakers, because we avoid conflict. In that it hurts us. We do indeed need an outlet as well as learn to let go. Much easier said than done.

Thanks for reading my hub.


speedbird profile image

speedbird 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

Thanks for sharing how resentment can make a heart heavy. Why are you not monetizing your hubs


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana Author

Speedbird, you are more than welcome.

I am not monetizing my hubs because I am having trouble with understanding what to do. Susan will come in a week or two and help me figure out what I am not doing to make it work. (SueRoy is my precious daughter: actually both of my daughters are precious! However, the other one does not participate on hubpages.)

Thank you for your concern!

Pixienot


swedal profile image

swedal 5 years ago from Colorado

Very true, negative thoughts including anger can really detract from one's own happiness and for those around them.


Pixienot profile image

Pixienot 5 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana Author

Thank you for your validation, swedal.


rembrandz profile image

rembrandz 5 years ago from Dubai Media City

Hey Pixienot

Very glad to read this very informative hub.

I saw your kind words on my hubs and came to get to know you more and couldn't leave now without reading your advice here.

Thank you for this eye-opener...it is true one can never change any injustice happening to us but ourselves...we just change our perspective so it does not have a negative effect on us.


Pixienot 5 years ago

Thank you for stopping by rembrandz. We are indeed the only one we have power over. Real power comes from within and is often hidden. Negativity is dangerous on all levels.

I have really enjoyed your work - that which I have seen.

You are a fantastic artist and great story teller.

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