Grieving; Losing My Mother

My Beautiful Mother
My Beautiful Mother

A short story of a great loss; My Mom

So after reading a few topic related Hub-pages today, I decided to write about the recent loss of my mother and how it has impacted my life over the last few months.

My mother and I had not always had the perfect mother and daughter relationship; I was a rotten teenager and young adult. Overtime and as I grew older we became close. I guess our turning point [more my turning point] was when she had her first heart attack in March 2003. I was scared to death; I had worked on the Intensive Care Unit where she was the previous year and knew all about the seriousness of heart conditions. I also knew that if you were getting admitted to the ICU it also meant you had a 50/50 survival rate. I know that sounds terrible to say but it's just another days work in the nursing world. A few days after getting stents put in she went back to the hospital; this time it was a minor stroke. Another scare that worried all of my family. When my mom finally came home my whole attitude change toward her. This situation some what changed my mother too; a woman who was usually high strung about everything in life seemed to have a more "relaxed" attitude toward everything now. I feel bad that it took the thought of her being out of my life to bring us closer. But at the same time I'm glad we had a chance to bond.

My Mom & I

My mom and I grew closer over time. She lived less than 5 miles away from me so I would visit her everyday and if I absolutely couldn't visit I made sure to call her. I would take my mother to all of her appointments and run her errands with her. During these times with my mother I began asking her questions about her life that I didn't know. I had realized that she never really spoke of her childhood and I was curious of my mother's background. I also wanted to be able to tell my children stories of my mom growing up. She loved talking to me about it, I could see it in her eyes as she reminisced of her childhood growing up in the Philippines. You could tell these were memories she didn't get a chance to revisit often and I'm glad she had a chance to share them with me. By her telling me her life's story I understood why she was the way she was; a strong, independent, hardworking woman. Doing whatever she had to do to make it and take care of her family. Now knowing all of my mother's struggles and obstacles she had to overcome I looked at her like, "My God, I think/thought I have it hard." When actually I had no idea. I am happy I had these chances to talk to her about her life and grow closer together.

In the summer of 2005, my mother decided to move to Texas where she had her first brand new home built. I was sad my mom moved so far away but that is what she wanted at the time. So we continued our connection through phone calls made almost everyday. When she could(She was now on dialysis and it was difficult to make arrangements to accommodate her and her treatments) and afford to she would come to visit us in Virginia. My children and I loved her visits. My boys [especially my youngest] would be thrilled when she came into town and wouldn't want to leave her side while she was visiting.(Maybe that was because "Nani" spoils everyone)

Time continued to pass and we continued our many telephone conversations over the next couple of years. Up until last year...

Last November (2007) I remember having a phone conversation with my mother the day after Thanksgiving. That Friday when she called she joked around with me saying, "Hey, I'm just calling to let you know, I'm still here." I laughed and joked with her back saying, "I'm still here in Virginia too." [An inside joke to us because I was supposed to be moving to Georgia and it took longer than I anticipated] She proceeded to clarify her statement by saying, "No, I mean I'm still here, you can call me." (Keep in mind we spoke Wednesday the day before Thanksgiving. For some reason we couldn't catch her on the day of Thanksgiving, so I left a message) I chuckled again and replied, "Well you know Mom I heard there's ways people can contact you." Following quickly with, "Never-mind I'll end up in a mental institution, scared to death if you call when you're gone." She started cracking up saying, "What am I going to do with you?" We both continued to laugh and talking for a while. Come to think of it now she also called my the very next day in the morning, Saturday, while I was at work and I chit-chatted with her then too.

On Wednesday, November 28, 2007, my mom called me from the hospital. She told me that her heart was acting up and she wasn't sure what it was exactly, but wanted to let me know that she was in the hospital. Over the years it wasn't anything really new to hear she was in the hospital anymore; it more so became part of her life. But for some reason I had an eerie feeling something was not right. I began to ask her questions but she was rushed off of the phone when the doctors came into her emergency room. I found it odd too, that she did not obey hospital rules and called me from her cell phone anyway. I did not hear back from my mom for the rest of the night. When I woke up Thursday morning I began to worry and decided to call her phone. There was no answer and I had no clue what hospital she was at. I kept trying throughout my work day to reach her; I was unsuccessful. It was almost time to leave work and my office phone rang and I saw her number on the Caller ID; so I answered. To my surprise it was not my mother but my sister-n-law. She called to give me my mom's status and because she saw me trying to call so many times. She began to tell me that basically her heart was beating irregularly and that she would have to stay in the hospital for 30 days to get it back on track. I was sad to know that she had to stay in the hospital for so long, but was happy she would get to live and go home eventually.

I went to work Friday just as normal and again as I was getting ready to leave my office phone rang and this time I noticed that it was my brother in Texas calling me. (This will be a moment I never forget in my life.) My brother began by telling me to sit down, then told me that the doctor's told him that her condition had gotten worse and she now only has 24-48 hours to live. I felt my heart break at that very moment. My whole life with my mother flashed before my eyes and I broke down into the hardest cry I may have ever had. I couldn't even talk to my brother anymore and got off of the phone. When I collected myself together, I left work and went home to share the news to my brother (whom I lived with at the time) and my sister in Indiana. Everyone wanted to keep hope alive that she would make it through this tough time again, but I felt very different. I felt very strong that this was it, this was actually going to happen in matter of hours.

That evening my siblings and I did 3-way conversations so that we could all talk to my mom together one last time. I don't know how many times we said I love you to one another that night or how many I'm sorry's were said, I do know it was not enough. All I can really recall from that emotional conversation was my mother asking where I was at a couple of times. I feel like she knew by my silence how hurt and scared I was about what was going to inevitably happen. I just kept telling her, "I'm right here mom and I love you so much!" I didn't want her to hear how hard I was crying either. My mom the strong woman she is kept trying to talk to everyone but eventually had to get off, but before she did she said to me, "I love you, you make sure you take care of those two boys." And that was it; my last conversation with my mother ever in life.

Saturday, December 1, 2007 my siblings and I were trying to make arrangements to travel to Texas to see my mother before anything happened. My sister and I had been calling on and off all morning to check on my mom and her status to find out she was no longer talking to anyone. We continued to call about every half hour for updates. It was sometime in the afternoon when my sister and I tried to call again and this time we couldn't get any information and they transferred us to her room phone. My brother answered the phone and said to us, "Mom has left us." I must've cried like a baby. I ran to my brother in the other room and told him and we just hugged each other and cried. We had been packing all morning to go so that we could see her before she passed but we didn't make it in time.

This is the most painful thing I have ever endured in my life. My mom is now gone; and now there wouldn't be anymore phone calls. There would no longer be any funny little messages on my phone with my moms Filipina voice talking to me. I would not get a chance to see her in her new house that she was so proud of. All these things that were routine in my life are now gone suddenly without any immediate warning.

That same Saturday, my brother and I found the strength within and went ahead with our 2 day road trip to Texas. Many miles, hours, and tears later we finally arrived at my mother's new home in San Antonio, Texas. I finally saw her home that she spoke so often of with my own eyes. It was so beautiful, she had all her different colored rose bushes(Her favorite) throughout her front yard that she planted and told me about. As I walked up to the porch I could see the chair that she would often sit in and call me from. I began to cry as I saw everything that she once told me about during our phone conversations.

As I walked inside, I looked around her house I looked at all the old photos of myself and my siblings she had on display. I looked at all the furniture and her knick-knacks that I grew up with and began to cry some more. I wandered around my mom's house looking at how everything was left. I guess I was trying to see if she knew that she wasn't coming back home at all. Her bed was left unmade; there was a cup of water sitting by the kitchen sink, and a butter knife that still had butter on it, in the sink. There were also tons of leftovers in the refrigerator. My mom was a very clean person who always at least fixed her bed everyday. So I came to the conclusion that she thought she was coming back home that Wednesday and never had the chance to.

This visit to her house was so surreal; the whole time I was in her house I kept having this vision of her walking out of her room any minute excited to see us there in Texas. I did not want to face the reality of what actually happened. The whole week I was there in Texas, I don't think that my mother's passing totally sunk into my head, even with all of the funeral planning and sorting through her belongings. I didn't want to face my reality.

"My Mother's Final Walk"
"My Mother's Final Walk"

We had my mother's funeral Friday, December 7, 2007. This would be my first opportunity to view my mother's body since she passed. As my brother and I neared the church the whole car was quiet, even the children. No one had anything to say at all. I think that's because we were trying to mentally prepare ourselves for what we were about to see for the first time. I remember my brother took his time going in and that I couldn't wait to go; so I, along with my sons went inside the church. When we walked in an usher handed me some tissues and a bulletin for my mother's service. I looked towards the alter and saw the pink casket donned with the pink lilies I picked out for her. I slowly started to walk down the aisle with my boys by side to see my mother for the last time.

The tears poured down my face as I neared the casket. My sons and I approached the casket to see my mother and say our final goodbyes. By this time I broke down and my sister came to my side and just started hugging and holding me. I couldn't say or do anything other than stare at my mom. I just kept looking at her like, "Wake up! Wake up, please!" I held my mom's hand and gave her a kiss on the forehead. She was so cold to the touch. A body that was full of life and warmth was gone. Even if I shake her she won't wake up I told myself. There's nothing that I could do to fix this situation and make it better. I sat there looking at her knowing deep down inside I have to accept this and that in this matter I don't have a choice. No matter how much I cry, beg, hope and wish, my mother was not coming back.

The Mass was beginning so I went ahead to my seat, my boys on either side of me. As the service started, I couldn't even pay attention to what the priest was saying; I just continued to stare at the pink casket that was surrounded by beautiful flowers. It was about midway during the Mass and the priest had me and my siblings come to the casket to say our final goodbye to our mother. We each looked at her one last time, said our I love you's, and said goodbye. The pall bearers came up to my mother's casket and began to close it and tighten the top down; this was very hard to watch. Because that was it, that was the very last time I ever saw my mother's face. The Mass continued from this point like a regular Catholic service; like the readings, gospel, choir songs, "Our Father" prayer, and communion. Except this time when we left we would take my mom to her final resting place in Holy Cross Catholic Cemetery.

As we were in the funeral procession, I remember Dobie Gray playing softly in the background; the song Drift Away was on.[I still get extremely upset when I hear that song] I watched the hearse driving in front of us, and still couldn't believe nor wanted to accept what was happening. The hearse turned into the cemetery as I began to let the tears flow again this time it was accompanied by this huge, painful feeling lump in my throat. I began crying so hard I started to get the uncontrollable"twitches" you get from crying like a little kid. We pulled near where my mother's grave was and parked behind the hearse. I could now see the green awning and green covered chairs waiting for all of us. I slowly started to exit our vehicle to walk to what would be one of the saddest moment's I would ever have in life.

My sons and I were one of the first people to walk over to my mother's grave. I remember sitting down in front of the empty hole in the ground and watching my two older brothers, along with four other pall bearers, carry the casket towards me and placed it on the stand over the grave. The priest came over and said a little prayer over my mother and then my older brother spoke. I do not remember exactly what my brother said that day, but I do know I saw my older brother breakdown like I had never seen before. Once my brother was done speaking, it was time to lower the casket into the ground. I didn't know that this would affect me so bad, but it did. As they slowly lowered my mother into the ground I began to cry so hard all over again; I even stood up and watched her go down until she was at the very bottom of her grave.

I thought that was the hardest part, but it wasn't. The hardest thing to do now was leave her grave. My brother, our families, and I were the last to leave the grave that day. I wasn't in a rush to go to my brother's house to gather with all my mother's family and friends. I wanted to stay as long as I could with her and we did. That was until the people who work at the cemetery were coming with the cement top to put on the casket. The workers there still had their job to do and we had to respect that. So we left, but we didn't go straight to my brother's house, instead we went to my mom's house.

There was this really strange thing that happened as soon as we pulled into her driveway the Everly Brothers came on the radio singing, "Unchained Melody." The reason why this is strange to me is because my mother was a big karaoke fan, and this is the song she ALWAYS sang. What are the odds that song just starts playing on the radio from the very beginning? It may just be coincidence but I'll take it as a special meaning to me and that she was there with us. We stayed in the car until the song was over and we all cried the whole time it was playing.

We only stayed at my mother's house for a short while before we left and headed to my brother's house. When we got there I guess you could say I began acting antisocial with everyone. I was too upset and I didn't understand why all these strangers were 'acting' as if they were just as upset as I or any of my other siblings were. I didn't believe it was real and didn't care; I just wanted to be around my brothers, sister, and our immediate families. When everyone finally left we decided to sing karaoke on my mother's favorite 'toy' her Magic Sing. It was terrible not one of us could make it through any songs without shedding a tear. We all attempted her favorites and decided at the end there was no comparison to our mom's voice.

The very next day my brother and I had to leave back to Virginia, it was a two day trip and we had to get back to work and my boys in needed to get back into school. This was the quietest trip ever, barely anyone spoke. The van was full of dazed faces and swelled eyes. Every now and then you could hear someone start to cry which was then followed by long periods of silence during the whole trip.

As soon as I returned home I let my employer know that I was back and ready to get to work. I went in the very next day on a Tuesday. I believe I was trying to act like this event didn't even occur and that everything was 'normal' when it wasn't.

The whole situation is a blur to me. To this day I still have some disbelief about it. It's like I have this small hope inside that my phone will ring and it will be her. I finally made my way down to Georgia and I want to let her know so bad that I made it. I want to tell her about my new job and how my son graduated elementary this year. I wanted to hear her voice on my birthday with her strong Filipina accent say, "Haffy Birfday." All these little things that I want and can't have are tearing me up emotionally. All the cliché things that people say your going to feel don't help me. They make me mad instead, because I know all the stuff they're telling me. There's plenty of it on the internet.

Up until recently, and I mean like last week, I was getting to a point that I didn't know what to do with myself. My emotions over my mother's passing were starting to get out of control. Then I decided it's time for me to get some help and seek out some grievance counseling. I was sure before that I didn't need it. Now, I know I need help. I don't know what it is I have to hear or do to calm my emotions down but I think talking to someone may work. Maybe all I need is time, but I don't want to take that chance and become very depressed down the line. I've heard that happens way too much and I see myself heading down the same road. I needed to stay strong for my family but not bottle up my feelings.

Last December of 2007 was the worse experience of my life. I will never forget my mother or the day we laid her to rest.

I plan in the near future to add a part two to this story once I have dealt with my feelings and my mother's passing a little more. For now, this has helped me feel a little better writing about my situation.

For My Mother, Pacita L VanDzura 1948-2007

"I love you forever, I like you for always; as long as I'm living my mommy you'll be"

Quoted from Robert N. Munsch's, "I Love You Forever"

More by this Author


Comments 81 comments

In The Doghouse profile image

In The Doghouse 8 years ago from California

Stylezink,

Your love for your mother was evidenced by this Hub. She is only gone for a small moment..not forever. My favorite story is the one by Robert Munsch- I in fact wrote a Hub on it for Hubpages. Writing is good therapy... keep writing...


Ananta65 8 years ago

Respect. Take care, Stylezink.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 8 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thank you both for the comments.

I love you forever is one of my favorite books I used to read my sons all the time, I love that book.


Bunkie 8 years ago

I respect the fact that you can get your thoughts out like that. Great Hub! Just stay strong and keep up the writing, you're good at it.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

I can empathise with you I lost my mom recently, My son 11 years ago and my Dad 12 years ago. But I still think of them . Not all of the time but usually when something , a song, a joke or an event, prickles my memory. Your great hub brought floods of memories back but now over time they have become sad, bittersweet, but good memories.

I must say when I saw the title I put off reading it a few times but finally plucked up the courage to read it. And I'm glad I did

Great writing


stylezink profile image

stylezink 8 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Well, I appreciate your comment & deciding to come and read it. I did the same when I saw any hubs relating to loss or grief. But decided I not to avoid them anymore and was actually inspired but them.


SirDent 8 years ago

I know what it is to lose your mother. It seems others can pass =away and it hurts, but it's not like losing your mother. My Mother passed away nearly ten years ago now. I wrote a coupe of poems about her if you would like to read them.

http://hubpages.com/hub/Mothers-Day-Acrostic

http://hubpages.com/literature/DREAD

If you don't want to read them or want to deny this comment I understand completely. I wish I could give you a hug after reading this.


zylla3philippines profile image

zylla3philippines 8 years ago from Anaheim, CA

It's hard to imagine to lose someone you love right around Christmas. I'm sure she will forever stay in your heart, and she will be at peace wherever she is now.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 8 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

SirDent- Thank you for the comment, I appreciate it. Of course I'm going to read yours as well, writing this has just opened a little crack in the door that I thought that I wouldn't do for a long time.

zylla3- Thank you too.


christinekv profile image

christinekv 8 years ago from Washington

Stylezink -

I can relate to your pain and as I read prior to getting to the end, I was thinking to myself, "I hope her writing this out has helped w/ her grieving process," knowing you must have gotten emotional as you wrote.

I know it took my uncle a year after my dad died - longer than the rest of us. I also admire your courage to seek grief counseling and share that with the world. I'll look forward to reading part 2.

Your love for your mom and portrayal of her as a beautiful, loving woman is done very well. Nice job.

I too, love that beautiful book, "I'll Love You Forever," and when I saw you included that line, I knew without looking where it came from and got choked up - that book does that to me anyway - yet it's the perfect ending to this exposition.

Wishing you comfort and peace.


Woody Marx profile image

Woody Marx 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Thanks so much for this sensitive and eloquently revealing story. It is a beautiful testament to your love for your mother.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 8 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thanks for the comment Woody Marx! I appreciate it, i really do.


pastorreachout profile image

pastorreachout 8 years ago

Would it be to forward to ask God how your Mom is doing?

I know God would tell you that your Mom is really, really happy where she is.

No pain, Love everywhere. To be absent from the body is to be present with the LORD.

When my uncle died, my family did not notify me. I grieved when I found out 2 weeks later. My uncle came in my dreams and He was young and so radiantly happy. I believe God let him come in my dreams because the family did not do their full duty to me. God is Love and that is what love does.


dafla 8 years ago

I understand how you feel. I wasn't with my father when he died, in fact, we had had an argument earlier in the week, and I hadn't talked to him since. My sister didn't call me to tell me he was dying, because she is very selfish and wanted to hurt me. She finally told me he asked for me before he died, but she didn't think I'd have enough time to get there. I know that he is with me, and we talk all the time, or at least I talk to him. I don't find it odd in the least to talk to him, because I know he hears me, and he knows how much I love him, and he also knows what my sister did.

My mother lives with that same sister now, and I know I won't find out she's died until she's gone and in her grave. She'll have some excuse why she didn't tell me. My mother and I have talked about this many times, and she knows now that I love her and that no matter what my sister does, she can't take that away.


dabblingmum 8 years ago

That's a nice tribute to your mother. I lost my mom two years ago. It's still hard sometimes to believe she's gone. Even though we lived several states away for the last five or so years of her life, we talked weekly on the phone. I wrote about her here, http://goodmourninglord.com/memorial/eulogy.htm


Karen 7 years ago

Hi,

I like you have lost my mother recently - August of 2007. It was the worst day of my life. When I read your post I felt like I was reliving my nightmare all over again. Not being there when she passed in the hospital, walking up to the casket so frightened, crying constantly. I was an only child and had to deal with the grief alone. You are blessed to have your siblings. It was the worst time of my life but my mom gave me signs and I believe the song was yours. My mom's light in her bedroom went on when we were picking out her clothes for her funeral then when we went to her wake and came back home her light was back on again. It was so strange. I am finally feeling like my grief is coming to an end. I love my mother, she will be with me in my heart forever but I can no longer carry around the guilt and the grief, she wouldn't want me to live like that. Take care of yourself and remember she is with you always.


Arava7 profile image

Arava7 7 years ago from Sunny Southern Cal

Wonderful story- I just posted part one and two of losing my mother- I couldn't write the second part until after a year- I am now working on part three... It's very healing. Thanks for your honesty.


nettypix 7 years ago

I am greiving now thinking about losing my mother. She has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. She and my father both live in an in law suite on my house. She is getting towards the end and I cry every night laying in bed. I don't know what to do either. My father has a heart condition too. He had a massive heart attack 3 yrs ago and don't think he will take the death of my mother to well. Im praying that she has not pain and falls asleep one night peacefully. My stress level has been off the charts and Im trying to stay sane. God bless you. And pray for me too. It is horrible to watch a loved one wither away in front of you and you cant do anything to help.....


fireball34 profile image

fireball34 7 years ago

Your Story brought tears to my eyes and once again reminded me what really is important in life! I am going to call my Mother right now~ Thanks for sharing, you help alot of people with your heartfelt story.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 7 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thanks to all for the wonderful comments!


suzgol 7 years ago

Thanks for this story, I too have just lost my mother ( august 30th 2009) who was my best friend. Life is in a spin at the moment and I just don't know whatdo.


Irene Lano 6 years ago

I lost my beautiful mom a year ago today, October 19, 2008. I still want to pick up the phone to call her and hear her beautiful voice and I would always end my conversations with I love you so much mom. I am sorry you lost your mom too. God has them now and I find comfort in knowing that some day I will see her again, as a born again Christian.

My Deepest Sympathy,

Irene Lano

Chesapeake, VA


Jazmari 6 years ago

I want to thank you for sharing you story, reading it has really helped me out. I can relate to your story in so many ways.I can't tell you how many times I had to stop reading your story because I would start crying, just thinking about my mom and what we went through.

I recently lost my mother October 20th and to be honest, I think I was in denial until today. She passed away from cancer, she was diagnosed 9 yrs ago (3 months after my father passed away from cancer as well). I have been suffering for over 10 years with both of my parents and this damn disease. My mother was a fighter, she always had hope that she was going to get better, but after 4 different lines of chemo treatment and the disease progressing, she decided to stop chemo. I don't blame her for stopping, her quality of life was declining. I wanted her to enjoy her last months, I knew her chances of getting better were slim to none (the type of Sarcoma that she had is resistant to chemo/radiation)

I work for an oncology/hematology group and I also knew towards the end that it was getting close. I knew all the signs because I had read so many books to help me prepare, but nothing can prepare you for the loss of a mother. She was in and out of the hospital all th time, but for some reason, my gut feeling told me this time was going to be the last. My mom had lost hope, I felt it in the tone of her voice and in the things that she said.

I was not only worring about myself and how I was going to react and get through this, but more in how my daugher was going to take it. My daughter is 13 yrs old and just the other day she told me how she doesn't think the death of her grandmother has hit her yet. Mind you, my daughter and mother were very close. My daughter has lived with both of us her entire life.

I know a lot of people have my sister, daughter and I in their prayers, I think that's why I've been coping so well, but today was a different case. I know I have to grieve and let it all out, but sometimes I feel that I can't let them see me do this because it will only make them worse. I have to be strong and by reading your story, it has helped me overcome one of the many hurdles I have coming my way...

Once again, thank you for sharing. Maybe one day I will post my story up and be able to help someone who is grieving from a similar situation.


grace108 6 years ago

I was very moved by this story. Thank you.

http://mothermothermothermother.blogspot.com/


John 6 years ago

Im 65 and lost my mom aabout 30 years ago, I never got over it and I think about her every day, the sadness never goes away, she touches my life in some way every day. I know she is always near me and looks out for me. The only thing I can say to any one reading this and still is so lucky to still have their mom, is to call her as often as possible tell her you lover her and never take her for granted. You only have one mom so take car of her.


Tamara Washington 6 years ago

I loved how you put your feelings out for the world to see. I recently lost my mom and you have inspired me to get the help that I need.


Eva 6 years ago

I accidentally found this page with your story and was deeply moved, especially because i lost my mother 2007, few months before you. The part of my very heart was taken away forever, but I find comfort believing that some day we will meet again and that this was not final goodbye.


Rex 6 years ago

Can't stop my tears from falling while reading. My mother passed away 7 years ago! Until now Im still in denial that she's gone and I'm still mourning. I was not able to pay her back the goodness she has done to my life. and this will be my regret forever. :(


sharon lynn 6 years ago

i am very sorry for your heart break and loss.my mom passed in 88 and dad in 59,when i was .the only thing which will help is time and maybe someone to talk to. unchained melody is our song too . my mom gets messages thru to us like last week 4 leaf clovers and in 1995 as well so keep eyes and ears alert she will come when you need her and i believe she will help you to let go wgen your ready


stylezink profile image

stylezink 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thanks you all for the great comments. I was surprised to see so many are still reading this hub. Thank you so much!

I have to admit though I am like you Rex.. I feel I still am in denial over the whole thing.. I don't know how much time will have to pass for me to 'let go' but I feel I can't. My dreams of her are so vivid I hate to wake up sometimes. If that makes any sense. There are still plenty of days I'm sad and full of tears too.

As John said.. "You only have one mom so take car of her" and cherish every moment.


sunni 6 years ago

Thank You for sharing your story. I lost my mom dec 2005 and still miss her terribly. I know my mom is with me, I feel her there every time I see a butterfly!!! I still have alot of days when I cry and am down but I just have to remember that I will see her again.


Robyn 6 years ago

My mother just passed away July 28th and I have to be in denial. I've been handling it too well, although I feel the anxiety building inside me. She was an alcoholic and the liver finally gave out after she took a fall and broke her hip. Watching her in ICU for two weeks dying was the most horrible thing I've ever been through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Noone has a clue what it's like to lose your mother until it happens. I lived with her so that is a whole other thing I have to deal with. I saw and talked to her everyday. It's really unlike anything I've ever experienced. I know I'll see her again one day and thats about the only thing that gives me comfort. I hope everyone here who has lost a parent or someone else close to them finds peace.


Connie 6 years ago

Hey stylezink. Thank you for your beautiful words. I can't believe how much I can relate to them, especially that of going to the wake and having strangers act as though they miss your mum as much as you do. I know that they mean well, but it makes you feel angry sometimes. Your detail description of everything you've been through is very like mine. If I were to write it all down, I could remember it like yesterday.

I lost my mum nearly 3 months ago, and I was only 19. She passed away from cancer. I miss as though a part of me has gone. Everyone tells you that she's always there, watching over us, but it is of very little comfort, because she's not there physically, laughing, smiling, breathing, talking. It is so hard for me, because my mum and I were two peas in a pod, we were inseparable, friends, and soul mates. When I go to the shops and I see other girls hanging out with their mums, it breaks my heart, because I would give anything to do that again. Part of me is still waiting for her to come back, and giving her a kiss. Losing my mum, has also meant the breakdown of my family. She kept us all together, but now we are just individuals living under the same roof - not a family anymore.

Her death has affected me physically, I struggle with my uni studies, and I have retreated from social life almost completely. I think about her constantly, wondering what she is up to, if she's ok. Whilst I know that this is not what she would have wanted for me, I cannot carry on. It's funny how people just assume that since time has gone by, you are over everything, you don't want to talk about it. This is the hardest part - internalising your feelings and putting on a happy face.

I hope you, and everyone out there who has lost their mother take comfort in the fact that the bond between a mother and child can never be broken, not even by death. She will still be loving you, only it will be communicated differently, you just have to learn to read the signs she gives you. Hang in there, because sooner or later you will meet again.


Charlottee 6 years ago

My mother just passed couple of weeks ago. This pain is unreal. Im finding it so hard and every day Im getting worse. I too think it is time I get help because I just cant see myself here without her.


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Loveslove 6 years ago from England

Stylezink...For anyone to say it gets easier with time is wrong...I lost my Dad 33 years ago ,he was only 59 I still weep when I think of his suffering.I still have mum at 91,she is strong even after a broken hip and pelvis she still lives alone...I ,like you didn't always have a good relationship with my mum,but when she fell and broke her hip and pelvis and we thought she was going to die,it made me realise that if it wasn't for this lady I wouldn't even exsist,I woke up that day and realised how much I loved my mum and how very much I would miss her if she left me ....


teef 5 years ago

My beautiful mother passes away April 2010. I am so lost. There is such a void. Stylezink, your blog has helped me realise I need help too - thank you.


grace 5 years ago

Thank you for sharing this. It helped me know how to prepare my children.


RobsWife10706 5 years ago

I just lost my own mother last Sept. 2009 & I'm still grieving. Before that I lost my favorite Aunt who was like a 2nd mother to me to cancer. Death is a very hard thing to bare. The pain in my heart, the anger over losing them both & the fact that like you said there is nothing we can do to bring them back makes the pain feel even worse. I too still wait for that phone call from my Mom. I miss her laugh. I know what you are feeling because I'm feeling it too. Today I wrote about my Aunt's death & it helped me feel a little bit better getting it out. Next I will write about my Mom so that everyone will know what a wonderful mother she was. I am glad I got to know your Mom by reading your story about her. I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you & your family in my prayers.


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sherrylou57 5 years ago from Riverside

I know how you feel, but you will see her again. I miss my mother also, but I know that we will be together again one day.


raiz&df3 5 years ago

Thank You for sharing your story. I lost my mom dec 2005 and still miss her terribly. I know my mom is with me, I feel her there every time I see a butterfly!!! I still have alot of days when I cry and am down but I just have to remember that I will see her again.

Robyn 3 months ago

My mother just passed away July 28th and I have to be in denial. I've been handling it too well, although I feel the anxiety building inside me. She was an alcoholic and the liver finally gave out after she took a fall and broke her hip. Watching her in ICU for two weeks dying was the most horrible thing I've ever been through. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Noone has a clue what it's like to lose your mother until it happens. I lived with her so that is a whole other thing I have to deal with. I saw and talked to her everyday. It's really unlike anything I've ever experienced. I know I'll see her again one day and that's about the only thing that gives me comfort. I hope everyone here who has lost a parent or someone else close to them finds peace.

Connie 3 months ago

Hey stylezink. Thank you for your beautiful words. I can't believe how much I can relate to them, especially that of going to the wake and having strangers act as though they miss your mum as much as you do. I know that they mean well, but it makes you feel angry sometimes. Your detail description of everything you've been through is very like mine. If I were to write it all down, I could remember it like yesterday.

I lost my mum nearly 3 months ago, and I was only 19. She passed away from cancer. I miss as though a part of me has gone. Everyone tells you that she's always there, watching over us, but it is of very little comfort, because she's not there physically, laughing, smiling, breathing, talking. It is so hard for me, because my mum and I were two peas in a pod, we were inseparable, friends, and soul mates. When I go to the shops and I see other girls hanging out with their mums, it breaks my heart, because I would give anything to do that again. Part of me is still waiting for her to come back, and giving her a kiss. Losing my mum, has also meant the breakdown of my family. She kept us all together, but now we are just individuals living under the same roof - not a family anymore.

Her death has affected me physically, I struggle with my uni studies, and I have retreated from social life almost completely. I think about her constantly, wondering what she is up to, if she's ok. Whilst I know that this is not what she would have wanted for me, I cannot carry on. It's funny how people just assume that since time has gone by, you are over everything, you don't want to talk about it. This is the hardest part - internalising your feelings and putting on a happy face.

I hope you, and everyone out there who has lost their mother take comfort in the fact that the bond between a mother and child can never be broken, not even by death. She will still be loving you, only it will be communicated differently, you just have to learn to read the signs she gives you. Hang in there, because sooner or later you will meet again.


thsew 5 years ago

So afraid to feel ...she just passed away this christmas eve.


M. 5 years ago

It was very nice reading all these posts, I lost my mother to cancer in 2008. After watching her suffer terribly for 6 months before her death, I realized there was nothing I could do for her and I think that's when I started grieving. I have not been right ever since she died. Right before she died my son's father left me, then I lost my job after her death and then lost my home followed by my dog dying. What I had left was my son, thank god for him. It has been a VERY hard few years, to put it lightly.

My mother and I spoke everyday since I was 16 years old, I know that sound impossible but it is the truth, even when she was sick I would see her everyday instead of calling. She was my best friend, I believe a soul mate in a sense. Now that she is gone I feel completely lost. I also became a recluse and lost all of my friends and family, the only person that kept me going and getting me out of bed was my son, and still is. Putting up the facade to people is really hard, but I do it because I don't think people would understand if I showed how I really felt.

The first year after she died I don't really remember, except the 41 credits I did in college in 12 months. I dove head long into my studies, mothering and work and that's where I've been since then, except for the work because I couldn't find a solid job after losing mine. I fear if I don't have something to read or learn my life will fall apart, I cannot do that because of my son, so I stay sane by not facing my emotions and compartmentalizing my mothers death and everything else that happened. Yet it's not totally compartmentalized. I graduated with my BA in Dec of 09 and started my MA program in Jan 2010,I plan on going directly into my Doctoral work after I graduate from this program, if I can figure out a way to pay for it.

The one thing I've been blessed with is financial aid from school and the gov, yet still I'm so far in debt I fear I will never be debt free. For now I'm just happy to be able to put food on the table, I try not to think about the school debt.

I understand what many of you are feeling, and I'm sooo glad I'm not alone in this but am really sorry anybody else has to go through this. The next step is just learning how to get back to myself and learning how to live a happy life without her.

Thank you for this blog, I'm going to keep looking for answers and any help I can get, now that I know what I'm going through is not uncommon.


annie 5 years ago

Thank you all for your beautiful stories.

I lost my sweet mother 4 weeks ago..

It is the most difficult thing I have ever gone through.I would give anything, anything.. to have a moment back with her.

She died in my brothers and my arms..

A mothers love is the most precious of all loves.

It is unconditional and forever.

As I sit here cryin, as I have done for the last 4 weeks..I will never forget that love.

Bless all of you who are grieving.

We will see our Moms again some day....RIP Mommy

I will love you always and forever.


alicia lakosky 5 years ago

i aint ready to lose my mom she's so weak she can't walk i don't want her to go it hurts to know that she is leaving me and my uncle and my dad and sister and all her 8 kids


D. June 5 years ago

Mother's Day is less than a month away and I found this page as I was wondering how to face it. I lost my mother 10/10/10 and I am still so raw from the pain.

My prayers and best wishes to all of you who experience this type of grief.

Also, I have a word for those of you who are fortunate enough to still have your mothers in your lives. It can be very hard to muster the patience and kindness to deal with difficult people in our lives, and we are all difficult at times. Maybe your mother is one of those people. Maybe she isn't feeling well, maybe she is not the person she used to be and she's irritable. Maybe there are things about her that annoy you. Love her anyway. Rely on the power God will give you to love her and be kind and patient with her and appreciate her. I promise you, if you have a heart at all, one day you will choke with regret if you don't.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thanks to all again for sharing your memories and thoughts!

I agree with you, June D.!! You're absolutely correct. Enjoy your time with your mothers now... no matter how difficult it can be.

Here I am 4 years later.. It still hurts. I still have times where I wish I could talk to her and see her. But I guess I could say the wound isn't as fresh anymore. I can't say that I've stopped crying because every time I talk about a special memory the water works come.

To answer the question most of you come to seek here here: No, it never gets any easier. And the pain of a lost loved one will never go away.


Ladybird 5 years ago

test


Ladybird 5 years ago

Stylezink-

Just read your post about your dear Mother. Thank you so much for sharing. I was having a crummy day today and was feeling depressed missing my Mom. Reading your post was therapeutic.

I lost my beloved Mom in Aug 2010 due to cancer. Reading your post brought back a lot of memories...just finished crying. My Mom and I were two peas in a pod; we could just look at each other at times and know what the other was thinking. We shared a lot of laughs and a lot of love. I miss her terribly. I just pray that things get better. I truly feel lost without her.

She has sent me many signs since her passing. So, in my heart I know that she is still with me. But, I miss seeing her, hearing her voice, her laugh, her jokes. Mom wherever you are...know that I LOVE YOU and always will. I could not have asked for a better Mom.

Thanks again, Stylezink. I look forward to reading Part II. BTW, I'm considering grief counseling as well; please let us know how it was for you.


Geri A Nash Perry 5 years ago

Amazing how appropriate this Hub is/was for my needs of grieving the loss of my mother at this very moment!


Thelma Alberts profile image

Thelma Alberts 5 years ago from Germany

It is awesome how you wrote your hub. I know every now and then you were wiping your tears while writing this hub, for I lose my mother a few years ago. It´s very hard to cope. Writing about the lose can help us.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 5 years ago from Houston, Texas

I am still grieving the loss of my mother who died about a year and a half ago. Believing in an afterlife makes it somewhat bearable although still hard. Bless you with your journey of mourning.


Kathy 5 years ago

Today marks 7 months since I lost mom to heart failure. She was my rock in life and I miss her so much. It's comforting to know that many of us have traveled the same road and grief has no boundaries. I don't think the sadness will ever go away, but we just gotta go on living and carry on the legacy of our cherished mothers.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thank you Peggy! I am sorry for your loss as well.

Yes, Kathy it is comforting when you realize you are not alone in the world. It does help a little to read stories of another persons experience and how they coped. I sometimes take a little advice from the stories I read and try to apply it in my healing process.

Thanks to everyone again for reading this hub about my mother. I really appreciate everyone's comments. I hope you all can find peace with the loss of your loved ones.


haikutwinkle profile image

haikutwinkle 4 years ago

Dear stylezink,

May your mom and her angels watch over you and your family from heaven above. You are very blessed indeed to have realized (in time) the importance of family.

warmest regards.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thanks you for reading and your comment haiku! I really appreciate you taking the time to read about the loss of my mother. And yes I am very fortunate to learn the importance of family. There is nothing more important in my life other than my family.


gloria carter 4 years ago

i have read many comments and i cant stop crying i lose my mom about 2yrs ago i cant stop hurting and trying to hide it from other family members and my job its hard but life goes on we will be alright oneday


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

I'm sorry to hear that you have lost your mother as well. I am the same as you I try to hide it to show I am strong and okay with life. And I am doing a little better and think like you, life does going on and I have to be alright for my children. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

I'm sorry to hear that you have lost your mother as well. I am the same as you I try to hide it to show I am strong and okay with life. And I am doing a little better and think like you, life does going on and I have to be alright for my children. I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub.


Phyllis Doyle profile image

Phyllis Doyle 4 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

Reading your story about your mother and all the comments here is helping me in a time of sorrow. I just lost my mother, her funeral is tomorrow -- I cannot yet mentally or emotionally grasp the fact that she is really gone. I wrote about her in 'A Babe In My Mothers Arms' and again with 'Mother Is On That Glory Train'. Writing is a very therapeutic part of the healing process and is helping me. I have always told others who have lost a loved one that 'The love and pain never goes away, it just eventually goes to a quieter place'. I am glad I found your hub.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thank you for reading Phyllis. I am sorry to hear of your recent lost as well. I cannot agree with you said more, The pain never goes away, it just goes to a quieter place. This time of the year is always rough for me and I try to get by but that sadness always pops up through the holiday season. I have learned to 'distract' those sad thoughts with thoughts of happiness with my children but at times the pain pushes through.


Jennifer 4 years ago

Reading your story brought me to tears. I lost my Mom eight months ago. She was my best friend. Always there for me. I would talk to her every day. I feel like a part of my heart is gone. Life just isn't the same and I don't think it ever will be. In a matter of four months my Dad had a stroke for the fourth time, my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, my Grandma passed away and ten days later my Mom passed away. While grieving over my Mom and Grandma I was hospitalized, and later diagnosed with MS. I try to be strong, but its hard. People say it gets easier with time, but I don't think it does. My Dad and I try to be strong for each other, but the pain is still so real. We both miss her very much. I have one sibling who I am not close to. I have tried, but well she doesn't seem to care for a relationship with me and it hurts. My husband and Dad are my support system. My days are filled with sadness and tears. I also have a great deal of pain from my MS. All I can do is pray, but I can't help and ask myself, "what's next?" Trying to stay positive, but so much has changed in such a short amount of time. I wrote a poem for my Mom and read it in church at the funeral. I just poured all of my emotions onto that paper. Many people said it brought them to tears. It helped a little at that time when I wrote that poem for her, but the pain is still as strong as ever. I feel like the world has closed in on me. It has helped to read your story as well as others, and know that I am not alone.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thank you Jennifer for taking some time to read my story. No, you are not alone. I myself am having a difficult time right now. A lot of anger again and thinking about how unfair this is, at the same time over compensating on my relationships with my children. It's an emotional roller coaster and you never know when you'll be on the ride again. Now, here at 4 years I feel as if I hit rock bottom again, like it's starting all over. I miss my mother so much and it's so hard to pull this "holly jolly" spirit out right now, but I'm trying. All we can do is keep living and try not to let the hurt overwhelm us. Thanks again for reading.

Internet hugs to all those grieving right now :)


Claire 4 years ago

It is approaching the fourth year without my mother, the tenth without my father. I am 43 and I am adopted; have battled depression (chemical imbalance) all of my life; failed marriage; two wonderful children 14 y/o girl and 18 y/o boy. My father my hero, my mother my best friend. I know the kind of love you have lost, and I suppose we are blessed to have known such love. The pain is indescribable and I feel like I have just "woken up" to it all. I have lived in a dissociated state in order to cope, for the last ten years, with an increase in the dissociation four years ago upon my mother's passing. I feel like I have hit the bottom, and I just want to come out of my skin. I was actually seeking "help" by researching, and a link led me here. Wow. I, too, prefer not to consider it chance. I am so glad you posted this. I swear I truly believed no one else felt like me. I will keep you in my prayers.


nina64 profile image

nina64 4 years ago from chicago, Illinois

Dear Stylezink, I share your grief!!!!! I lost my mom 6 years ago today. The memories of that day are so vivid. Losing her really took a lot of me. I feel as if a part of me went with her. Just know that you are not alone in your grief. My heart goes out to you and your family. I hear that time heals all wounds; I don't know about that one!!!!!! Be blessed.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

Thank you Claire for reading. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in these things but it really sucks knowing so many people are going throught it and are hurting from a loss. It's so common now and days and I've been learning a lot of people feel exactly the same way as we do.

Nina, thank you for reading as well. The sad day will always be vivid for me and I feel like you a part of me died along with her. I totally agree time does not heal all wounds. Unless, it's a really long time then you just get further from the incident, doesn't hurt any less.

My new thing right now.. Playing a game of mass distraction.. I keep myself busy sewing, baking, cleaning, and working daily. May not be a good thing but it helps to steer the mind in a different direction.


mours sshields 4 years ago from Elwood, Indiana

God bless you! My mother passed-away almost 15 years ago.

It's one of the toughest things I ever went through. But,

I know where she is; and I know she watches me. It gets

easier, with God's help and taking just one day at a time. God knows your pain.


one2recognize2 profile image

one2recognize2 4 years ago from New York

My heart truly goes out to you and I am very glad you were able to share this story with us. My condolences to you and hope you find peace in knowing she will always be with you and is so very proud of you for sharing how you felt about her and losing her. God bless you.


Belinda 4 years ago

I feel your pain I and my sister just lost our mother on March 11,2011 and its so hard to this day... she went in for a heart surgery to put 3 stints in and there was a 4th that they didn't see.. and they closed her back up and it blew and she died on the table they brought her back.. and it was all down hill from there me and my sister stayed at the hospital day in and day out sleeping on floors on little couches.. we didn't care then they tell us that she is going to a different hospital to have a heart trans plant well that never happened we don't know why guess she was to weak.. or something but it happened so fast we didn't know what to do none of us.. it was at hospital to funeral home then funeral and dinner and wow.. me and my sister don't meber any of it cuz it was to fast.. my sister lived across the driveway from my mom and now she is gone and she looks over there all the time no lights no nothing we think she is going to come out that door anytime and sing with us and laugh.. have her coffee its so hard i still call her phone and so dose my sister just so we can hear her voice... i cry every nite my sister don't think she wants to be alive she wants to die and be there with mom... she don't like to do nothing now she has a daughter and a husband and her day is bed... that's it she is so depressed i try to help her i try so hard to help but i just don't think i can do what my mom would tell her to do..i keep telling her that mom is right there with her..i just want to know dose it every get any easier?? we will never ever forget her or stop thinking of her...


johnnetta l jhonson 4 years ago

i am very sorry about your mom.my mom was never in my life .i will keep you in my prayers.


priyanka tiwari pathak 4 years ago

i like it most.coz i hav lost my mother 1n 1999..she was much closed with me...she cared me.she was my best frnd..jab wo thin i mujhe kisi baat ki kami nahin thi..when she died i was only 19 years old...tab mein unki feeling ko utna mehsoos nahin kar pati thi..aaj mere jeevan mein sabse badi kami hai...mere parents ka na.hona. aaj when i hav got married..mujhe bahut dukh hota hai..jise mein kisi se baant nahin sakti..aaj jab mere bhai behan jo mujhse kafhi chote hain..mere jaane per khus hote hain tb mujhe maa papa bahut yaad aate hain...this story touched my life... i never forget those moment when my mother near to me.......


cyn 4 years ago

I feel your pain. It will be two years in a few days..mom past away, April 13, 2010 of cancer. You don't know how hard it is to say that word..I miss her so much..life will. iinever be the same without her.


Cyn 4 years ago

Thank you for sharing your story...I have been in tears these last few days. I feel like there is such a void in my life, like a piece of my heart was torn apart. It hurts so much i can't breath..My mom raised 11 of us on her own and she was our pillar, always strong and ready for anything. She always had a house full of grandkids which she loved. she loved cooking for all of us, she loved hosting parties. We were all very close to her. Easter was the last holiday we got to spend with her. when she was in the hospital, her room was filled with all of her kids and grandkids. We got to celebrate Easter with her..we decorated her room with Easter bunnies, flowers, baskets, like we always did for her at home. We have video's of her last days..smiling til the very end. Thank you for sharing your Beautiful Mother with us. May God bless you and give you the strength and peace to continue living..I know that's what our Mother's would want us to do. I always told my mom. " Mom If anything ever happens to you, I will die. " she replied, I have already lived my life, you have to be strong and continue living for your children." So i just ask God to help me take it one day at a time. He gives me the stregth to go on. God Bless..


Anna 4 years ago

I send you my good wishes sympathies and love. I prayed for you and for your mother. I have just lost my Mum and am in the depths of despair so I understand. I send you a warm cyber hug.


xeena 4 years ago

I just lost Mom last month, and I thankyou for having the courage to write this. I feel so lost without her. It doesn't seem possible that she is not on the planet. It helps to know that others feel the same. Some friends are already impatient with me. I guess they weren't real friends after all. I am doing the best I can and I will pray for you as well. I do believe we will all be reunited one day soon. Love is eternal. That is why I did not tell my Mother goodbye but said, I will see you later my sweet sweet Mama and we will have a good time then again. That is what lets me breathe and sleep, thinking of that day when we will be together again. Love, prayers, and blessings to you. Thankyou again for your honesty and for writing!


Cookie 4 years ago

This is a lovely story, thanks for posting. My mother passed away 9 months ago and I still don't know how I manage to get from day to day as I feel totally empty, devasated call it whatever word you like. It was very sudden, she was fine in the morning and in the evening I got a call to say that she had gone. I would like to think that she is watching over me and I do speak to her all the time, but it doesn't make up for the fact that she isn't physically here.


stylezink profile image

stylezink 4 years ago from Atlanta, GA. Author

I wish I could give you all hugs for the loss you all have experienced! And I thank you for taking the time to read my story.. as hard as it may be to come to a page with this title.

Thanks again everyone!


Tami Fite profile image

Tami Fite 4 years ago

Bless you for your story -- losing a mother is nothing that anyone can ever prepare us for. We obviously are not alone, however, grief is personal, and no one can speed it up or avoid it. God bless you & keep you. Tami


Milissa 4 years ago

Ur story has me in utter tears i lost my mom last year Aug nd im not coping well at all. The evening before she passed I had a huge fight with her, she phoned my brother nd sister nd told them she loved them but i went to be to angry to talk to her. She fought cancer for 7 years nd not long before she left us she went into remission. A ashma attack took her nd that ill neva forev cause she passed in my arms i think i need help to move on.


sheila 4 years ago

I last saw my mother on Valentine's Day in the icu i took her flowers and a beautiful card to let her know how much i loved her

how do you say goodbye to someone who believed in you like noone else ever will

I didntknow she would die that night, i have been trying to act like everything is okay but i feel like it will never be okay again


Tami Fite profile image

Tami Fite 4 years ago

Loss of a mother -- the grieving continues...with time comes acceptance... however it is never easy.


Frances 2 years ago

Just recently lost a neighbor who was the adopted Grandmother to my children. She saw them grow up and seen them have their children. They felt her loss far worst then I thought they would. To them she was their Grandma even though they had a Grandma, my Mom. When she passed away my son took time off from work because he broke down upon hearing of her death. Was it wrong for him to do so ??? To my children and Grandchildren she was Grandma next door. They chould talk to her about anything and visited her often. Now his work wants proof that she was his Grandma, what are we to do ???

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