Have I Created The Gold Standard For Laziness?
While I have always considered myself an organized person and I’m proud to say that I for the most part eat healthy and try to contribute to society on the whole, lately I’ve been noticing more and more how much stuff I keep putting off to do around the house and I have finally reached a level where I believe I may have created the gold standard for laziness – Don’t Get Me Started!
While I have a backup for almost every product in my home – toothpaste, window cleaner, etc. so that I will never run out and then have to run out to the store (wow, that statement started with me thinking it was a good example of me being prepared like a good Boy Scout but ended up with me sounding like I’m too lazy to run out of things, hmmm) what I’ve recently discovered is that some things just don’t get done and I have to wonder why. Why for example has the Scrubbing Bubbles automatic shower cleaner been without good batteries to operate it for over a week? For the first few days I gave myself a pass because I would get in the shower each morning and act like Homer Simpson, “Doh, need new batteries in the cleaner thing.” But after a week it couldn’t have still been that, right? So finally after over a week I was watching my Tivo’d shows and in the middle of it I jumped up like someone who has been hypnotized to act like a chicken when someone says the word, “clean” and dug through the “battery drawer” and then ran to the bathroom to change the batteries. Never mind that the bottle in the auto-cleaning dispenser was full so when I tipped it to try and remove the batteries the Scrubbing Bubbles liquid seeped all over my arm and I could swear that I felt some scrubbing going on. Again, lazy – could I have taken the bottle out before taking the batteries out? Apparently not. I thought I could get the batteries changed without taking the bottle of liquid out of the dispenser. I was wrong and thanks to my laziness there’s now an eighth of a bottle of cleaner left and I don’t think it did a thing for the walls or the bathroom rug that it leaked on while I was turning it over and wrestling with it to get the old batteries out and the new batteries in.
After the bathroom incident I returned to my sofa and hit the play button to return to my Tivo watching smelling like Spring Rain. As I sat and then laid down on the sofa I began to look around the house and started to rationalize with myself. “Hmmm, that cabinet is really dusty. But if I dust it now, it’s just going to get dusty again, right? So should I go ahead and dust it now or wait until right before my guy gets back from his trip? Seems to make more sense to do only one dusting instead of two, right?” Once you start cutting deals like this with yourself you’re on a slippery slope of water slide proportions.
I can’t tell you why I felt as though I had accomplished something on the same level as finding a cure for cancer in the fact that I had changed the batteries in the Scrubbing Bubbles dispenser but I did and as a result it gave me a “pass” on doing a lot of other things that needed to be done around the house in my lazy rationalization brain. The odd part was that even as I was convincing myself I knew I was trying to convince myself about something that should never even be considered as rational or a good idea. Is this what they call lying to yourself? Or was I just slowly slipping into the coma of complacency?
How long would it be before I was sitting in front of the television watching The Biggest Loser eating a Whopper with cheese meal, licking the salt off of my fingers that would blow me up like a tick moments after eating it causing great discomfort for hours yet telling myself I “deserved” it because I’d worked out a few days in the week. All the while shaking my head at those “losers” on the television who were working out like crazy people to get rid of the traces of years of doing what I was doing right now?
They say insanity can be defined by doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result each time. I think insanity is lying on the sofa proud of yourself for changing batteries that it took you over a week to change when you had the batteries in the house the entire time. There’s only one way to stop the madness and it’s to get off your ass and dust the damn cabinet. Dust was designed to come back and make you have to dust again, it’s like nose hair or your colon. Sure you can go ahead and ignore them but at some point no one’s going to hear a word you say because you have more hair coming out of your nose than is on your head and if you don’t take care of your colon you’ll eventually just have a shit explosion (I’m guessing). So there are certain things you only have to do once like losing your virginity or being raped when you buy your first car on your own. But other things have to be continuously maintained like your lawn and your sense of style. Still that sofa is a real temptress, I know because it helped me create the new gold standard for laziness! – Don’t Get Me Started!
Read More Scott @ www.somelikeitscott.com
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