How Do You Make a Friend Who is Ill Feel Better?

When you really need a friend...
When you really need a friend... | Source

When you have a friend who is really in bad shape, we know for sure that he/she is having a depression as well. How can we help this friend, knowing that his/her illness is causing us harm too?

Having been there, we can start suggesting these practical tips:

CHECK THEIR MENTAL STATE

By now, you know for sure that physically and mentally your friend is in real state of shock. If you know your friend very well, then you know what words to say and which ones avoid . If she/he was a close friend, try to think from good memories from the past. This way you are activating or reactivating certain areas of her/his brain. Smiles give great results.


IF YOU CAN, GET A PUPPY INVOLVED

Or a pet, or maybe a little chihuahua. Your friend will feel better when you get a puppy around. Why? In a split of a second, part of those memories from the past will come forward: no worries, free time and enough fun.


BECAUSE YOU KNOW HER/HIS STATE OF MIND

Bring or print some humorous jokes from the net. There are so many to chose from. Just be careful with the political or religious ones.


CHEER UP AND GIVE THEM LOVE

How? Have you ever thought of a nice handwritten poem of yours? Or maybe from a child of your? attached to the 'Get well' Balloon? However, you know better that us those swing moods; What does he/she really loves: A book? A portable DVD? Those old pictures from school? A sign Hallmark card from friends?

Source

GET INVOLVED WITH HIS/HER WORRIES

Maybe the bills are behind, or his/her family needs help. Just let them feel special. Do their kids need a ride to school? Just make a list with your friend. Show them how far you want to go. A big load will be taken away by approaching these everyday issues.


PRAY WITH YOUR FRIEND...

Or pray on your own for his/her wellness. We might be in their shoes one day. God forbids if we won't be able to be as strong as we are right now, writing these ideas from our hearts.


IF HE/SHE IS BEDRIDDEN AT THE HOSPITAL

Asks questions, and if you want to go deeper, check the medicines. Get a second opinion when you pay that pharmacist. I had a friend that was given the wrong medicine. He came to see me after four months and had lost 50 pounds. He told me he was going to sue. A year later... he was gone. His name? Joseph Malone.

#20/30
#20/30

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Comments 27 comments

Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Great hub! Gets my votes!

Your attitude and that you obviously are empathetic and want to be helpful is probably the biggest factor of all, Lord. That transmits to others and they respond to it.

Of course we can't effectively "make" anyone feel or do anything - nor should we want to. To be effective, any change or improvement must happen internally within them. We CAN influence others with our own attitude, by obvious demonstrating our caring, actively listening, sincerely cheering and being realistic with honestly understanding. It can't be faked

People quickly sense if you are suggesting or offering solutions they aren't able to do in their present mind-set, but they are encouraged by being accurately perceived in the real state they're feeling. They can feel your truly start where they are so they can take their hands and walk forward together WITH, them rather than being in some other place trying to pull them along your way. They need their own FEELINGS to be perceived and validated at the same time you help give their own feeling it's a sense that it's not a "forever" or inescapable state of being, giving glimmers of light arising in their own minds and hearts.

A bit of distraction from the person's negatives may help, so long as it's with an action or subject - something about which THEY care, and don't just feel like it's being 'led like a horse to water' which they have no interest in taking.

In my humble opinion and experience, helping others feel better or think clearer starts with feeling and understanding where they are at the time. Best to not even suggest that one thinks one could make them or has power over them to feel better or think otherwise than they DO. They need t know they have that power and can exercise it themselves and that it comes up from their own innards through your help.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

NellyAnna,

I'm short of words, and I can get emotional with these... kind of warm comments. You have added your own wisdom to our humbe words. We love our friends and it shows...I'm just overwhelmed by your powerful thoughts, Thanks!


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 4 years ago from TEXAS

Thank you!

I do feel deeply about these things too. Whenever I think about extending someone a helping hand or word, I think, "Where do I get off advising them, anyway?" But if I have a corresponding experience and see theirs real anguish, what else can I do? It's sometimes a toss-up to know when it fits to speak up and when it's best to just listen, but I guess one's intuition has to choose.

hugs - Nellieanna


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

You know what NellieAnna, these tips came from just visualizations and past experiences, and the rest just followed... we didn't do much research. Thanks for your support.

LORD


MartieCoetser profile image

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

Lord, it is always good to know what others want/need in order to feel better. I totally agree with you and yours and also with Nellieanna. I have a lot of empathy with my fellowman. My love for people knows no boundaries - I have to control it in accordance with social norms and standards - probably because I have either experienced their bad feelings myself, or I can put myself easily in their shoes. I can but only do to others what I would like others to do to me. I believe in give-give-give what I may and can and to expect nothing in return.

I love your heart and always enjoy reading your hubs. I wish I had more time on hands to read every single hub you publish, but you and yours beat the living daylight out of me by producing more than I can read. Maybe one day, when my ship with the billion dollars on board arrives, I will have the time to catch up in your corner.

Take care and enjoy what you are doing.


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

This is wonderful, Lord. I try not to offer advice unless I am asked, even though I have gone through many of these things myself or nursed someone who has, but my reaction to other people can still let them know that they are being taken seriously,and that is the most important thing as being perceived as not deserving of understanding will make their situation all the more worse than it is.


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 4 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Very nice, Lord. You must be a good friend. Those are all very thoughtful ideas. I am sorry about what happened to your friend, though. Too sad. Take care, friend. I gave you many votes on this one.


iamaudraleigh 4 years ago

It is nice to see a different outlook other than the medical side of things. I am appreciative of your words that came from your heart as a reader.

I am so sorry about your friend.

I voted up hor words that came from a kind man.


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

How thoughtful! I am sure that a puppy could brighten someone's day. I know they can bring treasured visits to people in nursing homes. Thanks for these considerate ideas!


sunkentreasure profile image

sunkentreasure 4 years ago

LOOK TO JESUS FOR YOUR VICTORY By BERNARD LEVINE

When your heart is broken

When your world is tumbling down

Whatever you are going through

I want you to know

God will deliver you

and everything is going to be all right

Your path may seem unclear right now

but soon you will see

that God's mighty power

will let you have your victory

So praise Him in the storm

Praise Him in the trial

Live one day at a time

and the miracle you so long for

will suddenly come to be!

© Bernard Levine


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Martie Coetser,

You wanted to get in our feelings? Your words of admiration really took us to the ground. Thanks Martie.

LORD

@@Flora Breen, You did the right thing to stay away from problems. I admire your style and I know what things really get on your nerves. Thanks for reading us.

Victori Lynn, Thanks for those feelings putting down on paper. I'm happy for you in getting that money. You deserve it and need it. Hi Gizmo!

@@IamaudraLee, This hub was written with just having an hipothetic friend on bed. And I was thinking what does he/she need? Is is right if...? Then I started to write down these tips. Thanks

@Tammy Swallow, Puppies are the best company for the ill. But you got to be careful with the licking madness. See you around..!

@SunkenTreasure,

Thanks for your words of inspiration. They are touching and heaven sent like. Take care!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

Hey Lord, this really touched me because I was given wrong diagnosis and meds before. A lot of things happened to me during my years of illness and surgeries. I could have used a friend with some of your suggestions. These are great and I say, stick with your family or friend no matter what. Even just to spend a day with them by that bed will mean a lot.

Have a great day!


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Cardisa,

If you look for the positive side of your illness, it changed your life: More awareness, more introspective analysis... where did you come from and where are you going being bedridden. For some reason you had more time to be with yourself. Some good writers and even singers composed the best creativity after an illness. Have a nice Friday!

LORD


Vinaya Ghimire profile image

Vinaya Ghimire 4 years ago from Nepal

I have never been in such situation regarding a friend, but I have some experience with sick relatives. I think your points applies not only to friends but anyone.


Deborah Brooks profile image

Deborah Brooks 4 years ago from Brownsville,TX

Lord.. thank you.. I have a friend in need right now,. and I am scared of saying or doing the wrong thing,, thank you..

I vote way up my friend

Debbie


FloraBreenRobison profile image

FloraBreenRobison 4 years ago

Cardisa-the amount of damage done by misdiagnosis is paramount. A friend of mine from choir nearly died from a blood clot which was misdiagnosed because of its location behind the heart valve and the side effects it was having. He was actually diagnosed with M.S. Meanwhile, he collapsed at his son's wedding when the clot started to burst and was luckily saved in time. But it left him with a limp and bacteria in the brain which gives him epileptic-like seizures-he's no longer allowed to drive. He's also tired all the time because of blood tests he has to take. He tried to come back to choir this semester after a couple years off, and he is still unwell. I do not know if he will ever be able to return to choir full time.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hi Vinaya,

thnaks for commenting my friend. You are right, this tips applies to anyone in need of help.

@@ Debbie brooks, hope your friend listens to you. You have told me that her mental stability is overshadowing both of your friendship. Take care and goos luck!

@@ Flora Breen,

So sad to hear from your friend. This and so many situations that never become public make us think twice before making a decision. Sorry for your friend, who didn't do anything wrong. We as humans are a weak creation and sometimes we forget about it.

LORD


Rolly A Chabot profile image

Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

Well written as always... I do treasure the days I can spend visiting people in the hospital. Even if I do not know them. A kind word goes a long way as we all know what it can be like when we are in there ourselves. A smile will last a long while in anothers life.

Hugs from Canada


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Thanks Rolly!

You are right. Compassion and empathy with a smile can last for years in an ill soul. Thnaks for enriching this thread of thoughtful comments/

LORD


ChristyWrites profile image

ChristyWrites 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

Bringing jokes along to tell is a good one. It's a great way to lighten the moment and can take the sick person's mind off of the present issue. I vote up and will share too.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Hey ChristyWrites,

Much appreciated for your fun and warm comments. We are humorous at heart and we can agree with you THOROUGHLY. A smile can make our day, and that is what really counts at the end. Thanks again. Hello Victoria BC!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

This is just what I needed to read tonight, and so I am so glad I found this beautiful write on what a true friend is and does in time of illness ---they are angels in disguise. Loved this piece so much.

Very touching. I think you are able to write such, as you are or have been that good friend no doubt.

Voted Way Up and sharing

God bless. In His Love, Faith Reaper


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Good Evening Faith. This hub was written through experience with friends and family members. The idea is focus on the problem with certain psychology and caring talking. Thanks for unearthing this oldie dear! You have a good night and thanks again for commenting!


Janhorner 4 years ago

Your hub has made me feel warm and cozy! It is a hub about caring for others, who may need the hand of friendship held out in times of need.

I had a friend many moons ago who was told she had breast cancer, I would go around and help her out with housework, wipe away the tears and just listened to her concerns. She was still alive when I last saw her ten years later. I've lost touch with this person now, but it made me feel as if I had made a huge difference to her recovery.

Wonderful hub that brought back precious memories, voted up,

Jan


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Janhorner, what a wonderful story you have shared with us! You have added a wonderful comment that help us define ways to help someone very ill! Much appreciated for the follow!


Life Iz Beautiful profile image

Life Iz Beautiful 4 years ago from India

Help is always appreciated by people who genuinely need them. Friends are the first ones whom we turn to if in particular one are away from their family and when one of them (friend) is in pain and distraught it instigates any honest caring soul to run for their aid.

I loved your hub. Simple and heart touching deeds are mentioned.

Have a great day. voted useful.


Lord De Cross profile image

Lord De Cross 4 years ago Author

Life Iz Beautiful, this hub was written thinking of a person in need or distress and finding ways to help her/him. You have added important words to this hub, and we appreciate your visit! Thanks!

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