How and When to Divorce Your Parents

I realize this may sound like a controversial topic: If you're the type of zealot who immediately feels the need to rant and rave about God, Jesus, Family Values or any other such thing, you should probably stop reading now, cos I'm not writing this for you -- I'm writing this for the adult children of parents whose behavior greatly impedes the quality of life experienced by said children. Divorce is not something one does over a minor incident; this is a pretty big thing one only does when one has to.

If you're a teenager reading this, I'm not writing for you, either. Don't print this out and show it to your parents; it's not meant for your situation. That's not to say some of you don't have parents who may need divorcing; and if you're a teen who's actually being abused in some way, I'd advise you confide in a teacher or counselor immediately. If you're not comfortable with that, there are a number of hotlines you can call, but I am not able to advise you beyond that. Again, this article is for ADULT children of parents who are toxic and impossible to deal with any longer.

Why would someone want to divorce their parents?

  • Because you've exhausted all other possibilities. Only you can know if you've done this -- and you will know when you have.

  • Because your parents suck. And we're not just talking about the nosey mother or emotionless father; that's pretty standard stuff which hardly warrants divorce. No, we're talking about parents who seem incapable of treating a child (or anyone else) with any measure of respect. Parents who hate themselves to the point they can't love anyone else. Parents who still hit you even though you're an adult with kids of your own. Parents who lie to you for no apparent reason. Parents who lie to you for any reason. Obviously there are plenty of other things which could go on that list, but you get the idea.

  • Because they're beyond reform. Certainly, rehabilitation is the desirable solution here, but some people are beyond it. Parents are just people, after all, and we all know that some people cannot and will not change under any circumstances.

  • Because your emotional and mental stability have to come first. If you're considering divorcing your parents, it's not over something as trivial as hating the way mum always gets in your business when you drop by for dinner. If you're considering divorcing your parents, it's because you're at your wit's end -- and because you're tired of feeling badly for days and days and days following any interaction with them.

  • Because they're not your responsibility. You are not obligated to go through life feeling like crap because you have emotionally stunted parents. You are, however, obligated to be the best person you can be. If you cannot do that while maintaining a relationship with your parents, then that's just how it is.

How to Do it:

  • Stop being a victim. The next time they start a fight and give you the silent treatment (or whatever) -- roll with it. This is your opportunity to spring clean that part of your life and put something new and better in its place.

  • Don't do it with anger. It won't work, if you do. It has to come from a place of self-love or emotional indifference. If it comes from anger, you'll get over that anger quickly enough and end up back where you started.

  • Have an emotional outlet. Some people don't need this, but most do. If you feel saddened by this divorce, have someone in whom you can confide. If you don't, you may end up going to your parents in a subconscious attempt to fill this need.

  • Get extra support if you need it. You may also want to seek therapy from a professional for the first few months following the divorce.

  • Close all communication lines except for the written word. Do not talk to your parents after you've decided to divorce them; it's too easy to get emotional, and that kind of thing is not going to help. If you need to communicate, do it by writing emails or letters -- this takes more concentration, allows for reflection and is a much better method.

Divorce Doesn't Have to be Permanent

If your parents get their crap together at some point, there's no reason you can't reconcile with them. Look at Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee -- how many times have they divorced and remarried? Ok, probably once, but you get the idea. The important thing here is this: You're not divorcing them because you hate them and don't want them in your life; you're doing this because you can't cope with them in your life.

Hey, it happens -- and sometimes there just isn't a better answer.

More by this Author


Comments 108 comments

Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 5 years ago Author

Kaitlyn, this is not about kids divorcing their parents, it's about adults... if you are having difficulties at home, please talk to a school counselor, teacher, relative or some other person you trust. Good luck. :)


kaitlyn 5 years ago

i want to divorce my parents. i just dont know how to start. will my parents hate me for the rest of my life bcause of it? SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO i am 16 i have a job i am working on a car i can do stuff by my self and i am going crazy being in my house i cant live here another day. i am so depressed all i do is throw up from stress and cry i cant sleep i need to leave my house. and i thought bout running away but i am scared i dont know what will happen. i just need someone to talk to and to help me through everything :(


barbara 5 years ago

Hello, thanks for posting this. I just walked away from both of my elderly parents two weeks ago. Have wanted to run away since teen years. I am now 48 year old. My sister left 25 years ago wish i had done the same. I miss nothing about them. Yes even hate them, but will try to lessen that emotion as i can. They deserve each other! I am a new person now even thinking about changing my name. New city new job new apartment new me! I will never see them or speak to them again. They are dead to me now. Time marches on don't wait as long as I did save your self! Don't feel guilty!


Lil 5 years ago

I devorced my dad yesterday. I am an only child and he cares more about booze and his leach of a girlfriend then to keep any sort of contact with me. For years I've been putting up with the emotional and verbal abuse overlooking it thinking he's just an angry man. I realized enough is enough when his gf and I got into a physical fight! He said he wished I wasn't born and that I should die. After that it clicked I hope I can keep him and his drama out of my life for good. The only sad part about it is I hate to cut off contact with my grandma but I feel as I have to because I can't Handel anyone even mentioning his name without cringeing in disgust at the person he has become.


chyenne 5 years ago

okay well im having prob with my parents , they drink every time they had money and my grandma was always there when we needed someone to talk to but we were living with her for awhile until they started fight and my grandma kicked them out but they took us kids with her and forbid her to us , so now we can't see her and our grandma is like our mom to us. and iwant to move out to go live with her. im sick of my mom and dad's actions they have said to us that they would stop drinking. but nooo they still keep on. what should i do? help please :(


Richelle 5 years ago

At 19, I have come to the realization that my grandmother was more of a mother than was my "mom". As much as I love her, I hate everything about her(my mother). Most days I feel nothing, just an empty void. The only times I feel anything are after seeing or hearing about her. Feelings of disappointment are always above any anger. I've felt this way for neary 10 years, and before that it was already forming. My mother lies to and hurts everyone. I'm done being her daughter as she was never my mother.


Brie 5 years ago

Dear Ash, DO your parents make you feel sad and hopeless? Are they interested in your interests? Are they involved with your life? Can you talk to either of them about your feelings? DO you feel safe at home with your parents? I f you are feeling scared to be in your own home you need to call Child Protective Services in your area. Is there an adult you can talk to other than your parents? Like a school counselor? When parents are NARCISSISTIC, they are very abusive but they present a charming facade to the world. It is very hard to explain to people what it is like to be the child of Narcissistic parents. If the fights get so bad in your home that you feel unsafe then go to a neighbors house and call the police. Tell the police that you need to speak with a "child advocate" Tell them you need a court appointed Lawyer (same as a child advocate) to represent you. Also tell them you need a good counselor who knows about NPD. (narcissistic personality disorder) Tell them this is what is happening in your family. Tell them you are afraid to go home and you won't go home because of the abuse.. You can look up phone numbers at www.whitepages.com DO NOT TELL YOUR PARENTS THAT THEY HAVE NPD, narcissists DO NOT care about anything but themselves and they will NEVER change .

GOOD LUCK TO YOU sweetheart.


Ash 5 years ago

Hi, i'm 13 and i'm trying to get my paretns to get a divorce....How do i do it?My dad is 60 and my mom is 40....My mom won't let me do anything but my dad never cares what i do.I really need help on how to get them to divorce each other.They have talked about it before but they've got to the piont of doing it and i need them to.


kirby 5 years ago

banana


WolfieKate 5 years ago

Thank you for this wonderful information. I used it and it gave me great support when I divorced my father in the last few weeks. It has taken enormous strength and courage but now it is done I feel like a huge weight has lifted from me and my young family. It was starting to negatively affect the people that mattered to me and it was time to get out. So thanks for providing such good words of support.


princess 5 years ago

How can you divorce sibling I'm planning on trying to divorce mine if the courts take the case.

hopeless in Florida


luke 5 years ago

I am 18 years old, my mother lied and manipulated me as a child to gain full custody over my biological father. i haven't seen him in +10 years. She then moved me across the globe to ausralia and married this absolute dick to get residency.

since ive been here its been absolute hell and i haven't wanted to be apart of their lives since i was 15. my stepdad pretty much stalks me. he listens in to my phone conversations, follows me around town and gets his friends to watch for me to try to catch me out doing something bad. hes convinced i sell drugs when ive honestly never touched the stuff. me and him fight alot and its gotten to the point where he lives in a different city whilst him and my mother are together. i've been moved to a new place where i dont know anyone and there are no good jobs around, with other financial complications like how im unable to obtain a tax file number( resulting in 47% of my wages going to tax), making it impossible for me to leave home. i also applied for government assistance so i could leave and start my own lie but my mother lied to them and my applications were rejected. me and my mother constantly fight and she treats me like im still a child. acts like she has absolutely no money so that she cant pay for anything to help me (like 2.50 for a bus fare so i could get to work) when she buys my little brother treats and soft drink and anything he asks for.

im through with all of her and his bullshit and i cant take it anymore. im going to work my ass off to get out of this house and her life and divorce myself from them so she has to relinquish all of my legal documents. i just cant take her anymore


uno 5 years ago

i recently divorced my mother. it was a tough decision, but one that i knew i had to make for my sanity's sake. i'm 27 y/o now and for my entire life i have been left under the care of my grandparents -two of the most awesome people in the planet. if not for them i'm sure i would have ended like most of my childhood friends from the neighborhood i grew up in: either dead or in jail.

i divorced my mother because of her abusive nature. i am 27 now, have my own career, graduated from college by my own means, got my own place, and the works but she never sees anything that i do as "good enough". in the few times that she would come back in our country (i live in manila while she lives in japan) she always makes it a point to invalidate me and my choices in front of family members. i would try talking to her in private but would just give me the silent treatment only to lash out on me whenever everyone is around (like the dinner table). she blames me for her not finishing law school (she said she did not graduate because she had to take care of me as a baby, never taking into account that before age 2 she flew out of the country and just have my grandparents raise me instead). there's just a lot of resentment between us, and events in the past that forever tarnished our relationship, one of them was her denial that my stepdad was sexually abusing me from ages 7 to 10 years old. despite the pain and hurt of the things that happened when i was a kid, i did my best to be the daughter that any parent would be proud of, but t was never enough for her. she blames my dad and myself for her decisions and even failed relationships. the last time she was here, which was two weeks ago, my mother and i got into an altercation and that wa when i decided to sever my ties with her. it was painful in the beginning thinking that i "lost" my mother, but in reality, i never really had her as a mom. my family of course do not agree with my decision, telling me that my mother loves me. i just tell them, if that's her way of loving me then i can do without that and that my relationship with my mom and my experience of her is totally different from theirs, so even if they try, they will not have a grasp of all the stuff that i had to go through by continuing to be connected to her.


5 years ago

I am glad I came upon this - yet I am still having difficulty moving on with my own life. I did leave my parents but emotionally I still find myself lost, like I do not want to be judged for not having a relationship with my parents. my father is abusive and I have to say my mother is in a different way (contrary to the norm or familiarity of what abuse is in society - it is not just hitting or verbal abuse). My mother makes me think about all these movies about women in abusive relationships who pretend their husbands are not abusing them or the kids. She does this with me. And still expects me at 35 years old to come back and live with them. I want and desire a whole different life for myself and I do not even like my parents. Before I moved out at 33 years old I almost committed suicide because of them and my upbringing. She had the nerve today to say to me on the phone,for me to move back in with them!!! That is hard and painful having parents but same time not really having parents. Where is the love? This is very dysfunctional relationship. Your hub should be helpful to me when I learn to be more independent because I still struggle with insecurities and self confidence to make it in this world.


Anonymous 5 years ago

I just saw your website online, I just turned around and walked away from my 2 adult children, who have been beating me up emotionally and mentally for the last 8 yrs.

I was in a physical abusive marriage and had to leave and take them with me, there was no other way, had gone to counseling and church, the ex also had a girlfriend who was on drugs ect, so I had to get myself and kids out of that nightmare, and did so. Helped my son get a car, always made sure they both were safe from harm and helped them as much as I could. Father however was Not there for them, now, they both don't want me in their lives, so I just gave them what they wanted, and I also gave this to God. He knows more than I or anyone how to deal with this, they don't even talk to their own grandmother which is very disrespectful, The physical abuse was enough they were Not physically abused and most of it was done while they were at school. They really need to get a handle on their lives before karma kicks in


Abi 5 years ago

dear author please e-mail me the advise @ added info i asked for at abi.melwin@yahoo.com thankz alot


Abi 5 years ago

hi..I'm a 21 yr old woman,who desperatly wants to divorce her parents. i have been abused (physically @ emotionally) since the age of 07, i would have to lie to my teachers when i get to school with scars, but to top it all off they beat me to a pulp and kicked me out, in my matric year(just before my final exams). i then moved in with my girlfreind(at the time shes now my wife), they didn't even bother to find out where i was staying for a whole year and 6 months.My conciever (mother), step-dad @ I made up...About 3 months ago my mother forced me too move back to her coz she is sick with syrosis and is a compalsive acolholic... since i'm back in this house I feel so clostrofobic like im in jail, my only fear is that they transfer all they have done to me to my younger brother... i really need more advise and more info on how to go about getting it into a court room...

This is even coming between my wife n I...

please help...i need it...I cant take it any more...


emmalee 5 years ago

Hey this is a really great article, totally pinpointed how I am feeling.

I'm thinking of divorcing my parents in Wellignton NZ.

There comes that time when enough is enough.


Lost101 5 years ago

I am 20 years old and have been On My own for almost two years. I am The eldest of 4 kids, age 18, 8 and 6. My mom is bipolar but has not been treated. She has made our lifes impossible. I had To drop out of school when I was 16 To take Care of My siiblings... Meanwhile My mom played On The computer for hours. I finally tried To go back To school and was placed On Home studies because i was so behind in Credit. At The age of 20 i was finally able To earn My HS diploma. My mom abandoned us for almost two years. She moved out of state and is now back living in a motel. I have moved 5 times in the past two years trying to get a stable home and trying to earn my diploma all on my own. Now that I am trying to get finacial aid to attend college they ask for parents info and tax forms. My mo

refuses To give me any information. How do i go about getting finanical aid so that i can make something of myself? I need help, i am desperate. I can't let My no

bring me down in life moré than she already has. I am emotionally and phyiscally unstable because of her decisions in life. Some People should not have children. Please help.


sammy 5 years ago

I am a 51 year old woman with a verbally, guilt driven moody abusive mother. My upbring was as disfuctional as many. My mother has been married and divorced three times. When I was a child anything that went wrong in her life was taken our on me she was verbally mean. I remember being somewhat fearful daily, saying to myself, I wonder what kind of mood she'll be in today.

Even today, she tries depends on me to make her happy. She wants to be in control and loves to lay the guilt trip on. Any thing I do with her or time I spend with her, is never enough. When she calls me on the phone I get anxioty. She is so full of negativity and drama, I can never do enough for her. She has help to cause two divorces for my brother because of her nosey conrolling ways. My adult children avoid her phone calls like the plaque because she's so verbally abusive. She leaves them nasty messages on voice mail because they don't call her back and they will not call her back. She has expectations of being treated as a queen. She thinks we all own her that. I was kissing and hugging my grandkids one day and she said I was monopolizing them and I said well there are my grandkids and she said well I'm their GREAT grandma. I guess in her mind she is more important or up the totem pole higher then I.


gmwilliams profile image

gmwilliams 5 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

Great hub! Most parents are loving parents. However, there are some parents who knowingly are truly horrid and abuse their children emotionally, financially, and physically. When this occurs, social service agencies often step in and take the children from the home. Many brave and courageous children, once they become adults, DO SEVER PARENTAL TIES COMPLETELY if they are abused!


Bev Scott profile image

Bev Scott 5 years ago from Ottawa

I'm not saying this to the truly abused, but to those with "helicopter parents" not neglectful, but controlling. Try to see it from their side, parenting is a hard job, and all parents -even good ones - make mistakes. Unless your parents are malicious on purpose try to keep communications open. Show them by your actions that you are an adult and worthy of respect. If your parents are truly abusive then certainly cut off ties, but be aware that you will probably suffer too. My father was irresponsible, neglectful and narcissistic. I cut him off when I was 29. He died two years later, and I mourned for a long time. I missed the Daddy I never really had, and the opportunity to make it better.


Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 5 years ago Author

Your school should have a psychologist or some kind of guidance counselor you can meet with. When you go back to school, drop by their offices and make an appointment, that is what they are there for. If your school doesn't have this, tell a teacher you need some counseling because of family issues and they should help you find someone who can help you for free. Good luck, Henry. :-)


Henry 5 years ago

OK Thanks. Thought it would be worth a try. Can't go to school i'm to sick. Can't get an appointment with a psychologist because i'm too young and have no money and i don't trust a single family member bar my two younger brothers who are 8 and 9

Have a nice day ;)


Isabella Snow profile image

Isabella Snow 5 years ago Author

Henry, this is about adults *emotionally* divorcing their parents, not children of your age divorcing theirs. I'm sorry but I'm not qualified to comment on your situation, nor give you advice -- you should discuss these things with a family member, family friend, or a counselor at school who can get you some help for these issues you're experiencing. Good luck to you.


Henry 5 years ago

Hi.

I'm 15 (but very mature for my age) but in the past year i've been very ill, the doctors don't know about it, but it's not like i've been to see any in any in a few months.

Since September my parents have started a huge emotional battle against each other delving into the mentally insane. They are separated now, of course, but not divorced. They seem to have forgotten about me. My dad couldn't give a shit (sorry for my language) about me at all. He never came to an appointment, a parents evening, a sports matched, every comforted me when i was down and upset. He's never gived a rats ass about anything but messing with peoples head. He comes off as a charming guy to new people but he's an evil man. I attempt to love him, i try and act like i do when he occasionally comes round to complain about stuff. I have a slightly closer relationship with my mother, though recently that's started deteriorating. This is because my father has been messing around with my mothers personal life by hiring some guy to bug the phones, get all the mail redirected and get my brother and his mates, who are very good with computers, to hack my mother's computer. But recently my mother has been accusing me of being in on this, she has been massively over paranoid recently and neither of them seem properly capable of looking after my or my brothers. Neither of them have set up a doctors appointment for me recently and i'm really very ill. My mother has 2 friends now that she's been seeing a hell of a lot recently at home. They're nice enough but they are all constantly smoking in the house with all the windows closed and whenever they come round (maybe 2 times a week sometimes more) they just order pizza and then don't give a bull about anyone else. I haven't gone into this properly and talked about all the emotional abuse and emotional neglect i've been having.

There is no direct physical abuse from either of them but emotional abuse which i'm finding very hard to cope with.

What do you recommend i should do. I can't go live with my grand parents because my grandmother on my mothers side is crazy and is helping my dad emotionally abuse my mother and is a crazy lady who only cares about herself and my grandfather, who's a nice enough guy, recently had a stroke, which my grandmother can't admit happened.

My grandparents on my father's side is a whole different kettle of fish. A much more disturbing side. My grandmother's been married about 7 times, once to a nice guy, the rest to crazy people. Anyway i forgot to mention previously that all this emotional abuse started after my mother, who was perfectly fine, started looking at medical records of my father for me and she found that my father had epilepsy and ME when he was younger, ME have the exact symptoms that i have, though a doctor hasn't checked for it yet, and the epilepsy is a possibility but more likely i'm a carrier, but back on to the track, for some reason my father didn't like his youth being probed, for some reason, we think it was because he was sexually abused by his mother when he was younger but i'll get onto that in a minute. Anyhow, one night when my father was around 13 he was admitted to hospital at night, between 12 and 2am, after having an epileptic seizure. When we asked my grandmother how she found my father she said it was "motherly instincts" which i think is a load of hogwash. This is because when my parents went to see a marriage counselor he started asking about his childhood and my father said he cant remember much about it. And the psychologist (who is a very good one) said this is either because of neglect or sexual and emotional abuse. And the most obvious one is sexual. She sleeps naked, she has a ton of weird half nude pictures of my father all over her house.

Anyway it gets worst but that's why i can't live with her.

My aunt on my father's side i haven't seen in years, my aunt on my mothers side takes cocain and that's about it.

Anyway what do you recommend i should do.

I can cope, but if there is an better, but not to difficult alternative, what should i do? I've been looking into divorcing them but i'm not sure what i could do? If i haven't done it by the time i'm 18 i'll definatly do it then unless there's a RADICAL change


colorserenity 5 years ago

First of all, this is NOT directed to people whose parents are so damaging to them that they cannot contact them. Do not if you are the victim of abuse.

This is directed to people who are irritated at their parents, who do not want their parents values crammed down their throats, who are angry because their parents didn't give them what they needed emotionally to succeed, or parents whose expectations were too high.

These are not terminal offenses. They can be overcome. You only need to set up rules for interaction that are progressive and healing. Not manupulative, punishing or self protective to the point of cutting off all ties.

As a mother whose adult daughter has kept her at arm's length for fifteen years, finally cutting me off on Thanksgiving for a small slight... I am asking people like her to seriously consider not cutting your parents out of your life except as a last resort.

When my daughter was fouteen she announced to me that I was dysfunctional and co-dependent. And that this had hurt her. At first I was shocked. I had tried so hard to provide for her and be there for her. I did not know what to do. A few years later, after she had cut me out of her life off and on for years, she told me this again. I had come further in my life and knew the power of change. I immediately apologized for anything I may have done to hurt her and assured her she could tell me what it is in total safety. With a counselor. I would try to work on things so we could get through them.

She had such a wall, it meant little to her. I saw her only a few times in ten years. Finally, a couple years ago she came back, starving and worn out from life. She was willing to talk to me. I had been in personal counseling for a long time and was stronger than ever. I told her again that we could work on things. I am not so proud that I can't admit to faults or try to change.

But she painfully and brutally cut me again this Thanksgiving. And once again I am going through the grief process, which is just like a funeral that never ends. I will not allow this any more. It's too damaging to me mentally, physically and emotionally. I simply cannot trust her with my parental love unless she changes. I have changed all I possibly can.

If you simply cannot accept things about your parents into your life, you don't have to cut them out. You can tell your parents they must go to personal counseling and learn to listen to your side of things. Without getting mad. You should offer to attend with them.

This will force the issue of resolution. Not onto you. But onto them. And if they do go to counseling, give them some slack. It takes time, but with a good counselor they will learn to listen.

If your parents are aleady open to admitting errors and not upbraiding you for your complaints, you have the best situation possible. And maybe you need to ask yourself if you enjoy causing them pain. My advice? Stop enjoying that. Because you are robbing yourself of the chance to become mature and happy. It will get you nowhere in life. Maturity and personal responsibility will get you where you want to go.

The piss off / cut off routine is self protecting. And a very primative way of thinking. Use some sophistication. Sometimes you need to be a little bigger than your parents. A little more grown up than they are. And when you rise to this occasion you will build bridges on your terms. You will retrain them and yourself. If you tear down your bridges you will be stuck in your resentment forever.

I know this because I had to do it with my own mother. And it was very hard. But the benefits are beyond words. I stopped hating myself because of how badly my parents failed me. I am at peace because I accept her now and don't expect her lack of perfection is my cause of unhappiness.

If this speaks to one person out there. If it spares one set of parents excruciating pain and confusion... I have done my job. I hope this will help someone.


hagakure 5 years ago

I'm glad to see and read some of the postings here. It really alleviates the sense of wondering if there was something else that could have been done.

I divorced my mom and my birth family subsequently divorced me and my wife and kids.

My life with my mom was always a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

My siblings are still caught in it and pretend it is OK, all the while popping more meds and downing more booze to numb the pain.

What broke the camel's back, was after 40+ years of dealing with this woman and her ill minded behavior, was when she started going after my kids to manipulate and tear down their relationship with their mom and me and as well, trying to undermine their hopes and dreams with sidewinding comments. The kind of comments that slowly and insidiously take root in one's subconscious and ultimately make you doubt every last thing you do in life.

That was all I could take!

My way of handling it was by a letter, that in the opinion of many, would be considered harsh. Oddly enough, in 45 years of knowing her, this was the first and only time she actually paid attention to what I said and did not bother me nor my family again.

I just reached a point where I refused to be put down, mentally/emotionally abused or have that disease spread any further into my children.

It is tough enough being a mom or dad and knowing that some of the garbage of your past will somehow fall into your kids lives. Its another thing all together when the "garbage man/woman" tries to dump the same solid waste into your children's lives as if it is their right to do so.

It is disrespectful to you as a parent and their adult child and unconscionable for a grandparent to try to re-inject that same illness into their grandchildren.

No one needs that nor does it need to be tolerated.

All to often I have heard from friends that they couldn't do that to the parents. The funny thing is, bullies come in all shapes, ages and sizes and they don't have the right to beat on you. Wether they live down the street, across town or in you own family.


Karen Wodke profile image

Karen Wodke 5 years ago from Midwest

Great hub. You know, I think almost anyone can forgive the mistakes parents make. But when they are deliberately trying to hurt you, then it is time to divorce them. You are right. It's not how it should be and it's not how it's supposed to be, but sometimes parents do want to hurt their children. Even after the children become adults. If so, then it's time to cut the ties and move on. It hurts, but not as badly as sticking around for more abuse.


Scapegoat for the rest 5 years ago

I find some strength in these comments here. I am a 24 yr old who has been in and out of parents home as well as lived with roomates and alone since the age of 19. I have been here at parents yet again due to financial problems- my own...that I have had since 2006. They use this to their advantage to control and treat me like a child. I am now out of work but my financial situation is only slightly better and has been getting worse as my mental happiness continues to diminish as do I as a person. I mean nothing, I am no one, I am delusional, I am the problem, I am their scapegoat, etc. I am tired of being controlled, or apparently in the need of being " corrected" contanstly by my 65 yr old father, who is also an alcoholic and weak, sad man due to his own issues over 30 yrs. My mother only justifies his behavior and my younger brother works out of their house and has recently moved back in and he is a habitual smoker, who is numbed by drugs and seems to think everyone else is delusional except for him and his friends. I am always the issue yet I am the healthiest of them all!~ I am the only one who goes to a counselor weekly to try to understand their abusiveness and how I can avoid the conflict but again and again they only pull me into it. This cycle of domestic abuse continues on a weekly basis if not escalates every three weeks to its climax of screaming , yelling, rage, sadness , unhappiness, inappropriateness and sheer misery. I am sick to my stomach constantly, I eat to comfort myself, I spend money to comfort myself and I am getting myself back into debt by being paralyzed by this and unable to get ahead on a weekly basis. Its depressing and deblilitating. I am 34 almost 35 and I cannot stand living and coping with my parents. I cannot stand their presence and abuse unless I do not live here. The fact that they know that I am mentally crippled for living here is the worst part of all and they thrive on it. They know I am cornered and have nowhere else to go. I am broke and I am desperate but I have good credit and I almost feel I have to use it to protect myself because otherwise I feel lost. there is no one here to take me in or protect me other than them and they have made it clear that I have not been able to make it on my own nor will I ever. And the constant mention that I am fat and incapable of love or survival and incapable of making it as a human being is really hurtful and angers me and pisses me off. And always around the holidays. I have dealt with it for such a long time, I don't know any better...fortunately my therapist who I have seen for two years knows.....I am at point of mental breakdown. I am lost. Time has just taken its toll here and its become so ridiculously toxic and I am no longer willing to accept this treatment for any reason! I want a divorce myself! HELP if anyone has any advice please.

M


uptothelimit 5 years ago

this is great stuff for a child wanting to divorce their parants -but what if its the other way around.I have an abusive son who has 2 children of his own and i have NOT been able to see them or have any communication with them.My son has a set of rules for him and totally different ones for others - i.e. its ok for him to forget your birthday but you must NOT forget his - its ok for him to ask for money and NOT give it back but you borrow money from him and he comes down hard.Nothing i do EVER seems right - he shouts at me - taunts me - and generally abuses me - the only thing he hasn't done is hit me but that has come REAL close - its like i dont exist any more as a mother just someone he can abuse


Anonymous 5 years ago

Thanks for posting this information. I'm currently preparing to "divorce" my "mother". She has shown me nothing but contempt over the years, has made it clear that she has no intentions of getting to know me (I'm 30 by the way), she NEVER takes accountability for her behaviour/actions & her main concern is vanity, material goods & showing everyone what a "good" person she is. Really, I firmly believe she's a sociopath. My plan is to cut all ties and never look back!


Clasi 5 years ago

I've been slowly getting away from them for the last four years. That's when I decided I didn't deserve their insults. My health was getting worse, with heart palpitations and anxiety attacks, that I couldn't control. Doctors put me on med's and that gave me the edge to finally blowup at my dad. He said my heart problems were probably caused by my children and I started to see red and I blew. He hung up. They saw me as a weakling starting 13 years ago when my daughter got pregnant. No true support from them but tearing down my

already fragile reputation and absolutely killing it over 13 years. They did this to the point where my nephew tried to go to high school at my old high school and he got bullied. What happened? He died at his own hands and what did my dad do? Blame me, yes, that's how warped he is. Mom is a gossip and liar and dad a control freak and very toxic. Can't take it. I went to the emergency room for anger. I've never been in trouble in my life and if they cause me to get a record by destroying property or having roadrage then they've won. I need peace. They're now covering their butts by saying I can't get over the past and he never said anything or did anything wrong. In his mind he was teaching me a lesson, he showed me. When parents pick some kids over other kids they might as well eat their own runts like rabbits do. Hope you all can get peace.


J.S. 5 years ago

This is a great article. I also have done the same thing. My father, I stopped talking to years ago, and refuse to talk to him. He didn't have anything to do with me until my oldest brother died, and then after that he stopped again. i made a choice to try it once more. Yet again a failure. Now I am half Mexican and half white, my mother is white. I am the only one in my family that claims the Mexican side. Also, Im the only one who looks the part too. I married my wife over three years ago, she is Mexican, from Mexico, and we have a beautiful daughter. My mother is always saying I miss Camila, my daughter, I want to see her. etc...... While on the other hand we live 2 hrs away, but she passes through here n a regular basis and never stops. I am thinking ab divorcing here , she is always putting me down and talking behind my back. She frequents Houston, where my older brother lives. Yet she has only stopped by here a few, and I mean a few times to visit for maybe 30 mins or so. All bc of who I am what the side of my heritage I chose to embrace rather than shun like the rest of them.


Sherri 6 years ago

Thank you! Distance is a great help with dysfunctional folks. Currently, I am living in the same town as my parents (a term I use loosely) and it is very funny to me, that before I was married they wanted nothing to do with me, I was the family loser. Then, I married and now they have there noses in everything I do. I would welcome the attention if they were not verbally abusive half the time ( the other day my dad called me a dumb-ass

I am forty years old by the way, with two degrees and hardly a dumb-ass!) So, I agree with Isabella, if you are reading this and don't get it right away, she is not talking to you! This is for adults of extremely screwed up parents or as I like to say two people who had sex without a clue and no intention of a family. I am planning on moving this year. We are applying for jobs out of the state. Drastic-- Nope but definitely peaceful.

Sherri


memyselfandI 6 years ago

I've divorced my mom and my brother at least twice now.

If I feel necessary I may do it again. I just do what I can with my family. Deal with them how I think it best.

My mother used to allow my brother to hit me when I was in my teens. He full on beat the shit out of me one day in front of her. My mother set the tone to the abuse by calling me sexually degrading names, and encouraging my brother to do so as well. My brother tells me I was hit like that for being a whore. I tried to press charges, and I could not. To this day, even though I am 37 now, I refuse to be alone with the two of them.

The rest of my extended family believes I am a bad person who made my mother's life hell. There is such a shocking disregard to the reality of what happened, it's as if it never happened. My mother tells me she has no idea what I am talking about when I mention the abuse. It is simply all my brother's fault.

There have been many issues in the past ie Disturbing threats, to very malicious lying. My mother would try to track my whereabouts and wrongdoings through my friends, By calling them. Essentially she'd stalk me. And if one little thing was off, like I left a not so clear vm at my boyfriend's when giving him my new number, this became magnified x1000 as being evidence of my bad behavior. So I would be bombarded with insults with no idea what I actually did.

I honestly think my mother suffers from a psychiatric disorder, or borderline personality disorder. She once kicked me out of the house over wanting to borrow her bathing suit for gym class. This became evidence in her psychotic mind that I was going to steal her bathing suit. It was my plot and she was ahead of it. so i ended up homeless, and this too became evidence to my other family members on my wishes to torment my psycho mom, by running away, even though it was her doing, and clearly she manipulated me the whole time saying I deserved to not be allowed home, even though I'd call and ask to come home.

How I managed to keep contact with her in my adult life is astounding.

One current issue is manipulation with money. My mother came out told me I am getting a great inheritance and then said I have to treat her nicely if I want it. I am sure I won't see that money- that it may be a lie, or if it is true it won't end up in my pockets. I have grown used to these kinds of promises. Depending on the outcome this may be another creation of a family rift.


Michelle 6 years ago

I absolutely agree with the above comment..I would give anything to have balanced parents..that would be better than a wad of money. My mother has mentally abused me for years. I moved out of my home 12 years ago and that was one of the best decisions I have ever made. She is now homeless and has basically brought all of this on herself. She cuts ties with people who can help her and never ever admits fault. I understand that she may be suffering from depression and that this may be the route cause of her issue. But she refuses to seek medical attention and when I suggest it, she becomes defensive and insults my life and me personally. She has been jealous of me since I was 13. I ask you...What mother is jealous of a teen? Things that I have told her in private she uses against me. She has attempted to blackmale me but I didn't buy into it. My father is no better. He has always tried to help me in any way he can but he is a drug addict. Crack cocaine is his specialty. He also grows and deals marajuana. I feel bad for him but he has also made no efforts to help himself. He lost a well paying job with the City, his fiancé left him, and he has recently suffered a brain hemmorage. While in the hospital, he was going through withdrawl and my brother and I ran into a fairly sketchy person coming to visit him. I believe that this person was bringing him drugs because all my dad wanted us to do was leave. The two of them have always tried to paint the other in a bad light. They continuously try to convince me that the other person is to blame. This ultimately causes me to to mistrust them and other people. I always think people are out to get me when deep down I know this is not true. I cannot take this abuse any more and I know that they will never change. This has been ongoing. I have to do something about this and I am very pleased with this article. It is also very reassuring to know that there are others going through this same situation.


pooh 6 years ago

so glad to hear i'm not alone people with great parents don't understand. MY parents are not really into drugs they have no excuse they are neglectful, phony, abusive, liars who never should have had kids. I won't be the adult anymore I've totally cut them out of my life forever. My father takes care of 2 grown drug addicts who have robbed him stolen from him etc. they r not his children i am the only one with 2 kids of my own one being special needs. His stepdaughter is a heroine addict among many other drugs using the whole time she was pregnant. Very hard to deal with . Her brother is a drug addict too. they are almost 30 living with my Dad using him 4 money his lovely wife would tell me how he's worth more to her dead than alive nice right??????? Constantly talks about him behind his back n i see posts of my dad holding the baby ouch!!!!!!!!!!! baby was born a junkie having to wean him off drugs nice huh?????/ they r so dumb have no idea the long term damage done 2 an innocent baby. Never called my son his only grandchild on his 16 bday lives 20 minutes away ever since the baby n the crackhead moved in we wer'e cut off . I try not to but hate both my parents i know longer have any if they both called me on their deathbed i would laugh at them all they ever brought me was pain. thanks i needed to vent i have gone through my whole life basically alone a child with parents but not really if u have bad parents GET AWAY FROM THEM all they will do is cause more hurt n pain I wish I would have done it alot sooner. I should have never gave my dad a second chance cuz this time he not only hurt me again but now my kids. I won't even start on my mom cuz she's the epitome of evil n flesh. 2011 dropping all the trash out of my life which is my parents if it wasn't for my faith n some good friends I don't think i would b here now. I hope this helps someone just know u r not alone n surround yourself with people who really love u. stay strong n love yourself too. fyi n therapy doesn't really help i think i help my therapist more than she helps me i make her laugh n i go home n cry. God Bless everyone who is going through something like this. n I have to say this to get it out of my systems my parents aren't about shit n never will b!!!!!!!!!!!!! n as long as i am nothing like them i will succeed n life


sheila 6 years ago

Hello need help, My mother is a busy body,troublemaker,cumpulsive lier, and she is harmful to my family in a mental compasty. My mother begged me to take in my brothers kids for he was decest and the mom is a drug addict. I was married at the time and lived away from my mom because of her lies and the problems of drugs with my family. My husband did not want to take them in so my mother offered to give me the old home place if I would make it livable for the kids and this home was condimed. So I left a ten year marriage for I did promise my deceast brother if something ever happen to him I would raise his kids. After I got them pored all my money in the mobile home then she said I had to pay for it so we made a buyers agreement and now that I have it completed and lived here for 3 years she is trying to put me out.I have paid for the home however my kids and I are being harassed by my mom and my brothers please help.


Left The Nest 6 years ago

It's a shame when parents can not disconnect parenting hat when a child is an adult? The constant nagging and telling what to do is annoying and in may ways harmful to a parent/child relationship when kids reach adulthood. Many times, I wish people were like birds. Once all grown up, you fly away from the nest and never look back. PARENTS - When you kids grow up, you need to adjust your relationship with your kids. Stop telling them what to do and respect them as adults. PLEASE!!!!


cory 6 years ago

well my mother has always liked to play games with people having my sisters call someone pretending to be her with something mean or hatefull to say, hitting me hard and often when i was a boy becasuse i couldn't get through my homework and saying to me just do it. etc more later


Speak 6 years ago

Hmm, I'm kinda relieved to see there are people like me, but my situation is different. I just have never had genuine love for my folks, especially my mother. They provided for us, but mentally they were a mess when it came to being wise parents who have knowledge to pass down. All their energy they could have put into to us, laughing, spending time with us was spent fighting amongst themselves and pulling us into the mix, expecting us to take sides, especially my mother. The oldest explained to me much later in life the reason why the way they are, and now I can completely understand it. The problem is I have no desire to help them as much as I do other people in my life. It's so stupid and selfish on my part, but there's no love there that is keeping me attached, just pity. But I feel like I have to force myself to love them. I understand people judging me for this, but I just want to know how to fix it. I feel like I have to move (which I DEARLY want to do), but thinking about my brother who did it, he stills feels the same towards them too: prefers to talk once in a blue moon and not for long, and gets annoyed with them like me.

I never openly complain about it, but I just feel like I have to fix it if I want to advance in life (especially with helping people), and especially because they will eventually divorce or kill each other, so they're going to need someone on each other's side. Any advice on learning how to love someone you can't stand? Especially because of all the past? By the way, I'm in my mid-twenties.


Let them go 6 years ago

Let them go and toss it all away. It's simple really. Most people suck and their parents are just the same as they are. I fortunately have neighbors, ex-friends, my own brother, mny own Uncle and countless family who agree with my assessments of my immediate family. Sadly,while my Brother agrees, he tells them they are wonderful. (He wants my inheritance.) My Uncle agrees but does not care enough to even visit me. So one day I got up and said, "fuggedaboutit." Life has been much better. The "pain" of the split is mild and constant, but it beats the persistent anger over continual disrespect an disregard. My family is deeply hated by many. I'm not going to let anyone tell me I am wrong. Thank God the nly ones who do say that are those I have left behind.


Lucy 6 years ago

I'm an 18 year old girl who's at her wits end with her parents. I have been very ill for the past year and after many tests the doctors say although I have alot of problems theres nothing dangerous. So now I'm not allowed to be sick, I'm not allowed to tell them how I feel because all they do is tell me to shut up or f**k off. When I had shingles (which can last up to 8 weeks) after only a week they were telling me "you sould be better now", no comfort or anything even thought I was so ill with it. In Feb my dad actually strangled me, I fought back and scratched his face as I pushed him off. And when I told me mum she took me dads side and believed I just lashed out for no reason. They have also told me I'm a pathetic dissapointment to them and that "their" family would be better off without me...I cant tell you the amount of times Ive walked out and yet I still try to believe they can change, but as I write this I just dont think thats going to happen...even today I was at the doctors and when I told my mum what was wrong she accused the doctor of lying saying there was nothing wrong with me! The thing is they want me back at work so I can give them their keep, well I'm sorry but I'll go back when I'm good and ready and can stay in work knowing I wont be so ill again. I even had to pay them their keep even though I'd been living somewhere else for that month! They call me pathetic when they'e the ones who are pathetic and are a huge dissapointment to me. They way they treat me is appaling yet theres my aunty who couldn't have kids and wouldve done anything to have them, which is so sad considering the wa my parents treat me. This was a well written piece and very insightful thank you!


Breasmommy 6 years ago

Thank you so much for this article. I really needed to know that others were going through the same thing as me. I am now a mom myself and I want to protect my daughter from the emotional abuse and disappointment that I experienced my whole life. I have always been the one to suck it up and forgive my mom and pretend nothing ever happened. The problem is that it never takes long for it to happen again. This time I have decided that it is time to cut ties. I want to be the best mom I can be and sadly that may mean giving up my mother.


Rebecca 6 years ago

I am 26 and I am close to doing this as well. My parents were as supportive as they could be when I was young.I had an autistic brother so life was difficult. My parent divorced when I was 13 because my dad had an affaire and was abusive towards my mum.

My problem is now since my brother died a few years ago.

Mums had a string of boyfriends (making up for lost time,as she couldn't when my bro was alive) and each one has been an arsehole of some kind,when she's asked my opinion I've told her so and I end up being right. So after going out with her latest for one day,they are getting married!! Yup you read correctly. He's a manipulative arsehole,I've told her and she ignores me. She's giving up a lovely house to live with him which means I have to remove my brothers things.this upsets me deeply.she verbally agreed for me to have his things kept in my room at my fathers house. But now she has taken a box of stuff which includes photos of me and him.I've told her that it makes my skin crawl think photos of us are in that house. So she is hurting me so much over that I can not trust a word she says.

Then there is the gossiping of my private life.I'm a very private person,I choose what information I tell ppl. When I was made redundant last year she went around telling the neighbours (even the ones she supposedly hates-bad crap happened yrs ago with them) she told them about my interviews and the outcomes,she denied even when I heard her talking to one of them about it.her excuse ,she proud of me-so that apparently warrants her telling my personal details.

I recently found out that if I had a child there's a higher possibility that it could be autistic,a risk I can't take so I can not have my own children. She decided to tell her latest arsehole all about it.I hadn't even spoken to my dad about it yet.

I cry every day over it. I'm starting Uni in a few days so I am in a hurry getting ready for that,boxing my stuff for the move to Uni and trying to get my brothers things together as well.

I am serious thinking of divorse. Am I being too irrational?


Lauren 6 years ago

Thank You for this! I'm in the process of doing this with my family right now! For me, I can't handel the emotional baggage that comes with being in a relationship with them. I also want to thank you for the end, on how it doesn't have to be permanet, it reminds me, that maybe this we'll just be for a season, but as of right now, Their emotional baggage is toxic to me.


Clem 6 years ago

I am a 35 year old woman and divorced my parents 3 years ago. My father is a narcissist and mother is a borderline. I was abused physically and mentally by both parents. I found that recovering from the emotional rape has been the most difficult. My mother would interject her feelings to be my own. After years of this codependance, it was very difficult to live my own life with her voice in my head, always thinking about making her happy and making them proud of me. I have spent the last 3 years of my life figuring out who I am. It's easy to forget the physical pain, difficult to change the way I think about myself. I have struggled with eating disorders for years.

Recently, I have had some memories surface about sexual abuse. I was wondering if anyone else has run into this? I am not 100% sure, since the memories were repressed and are not clear.

Stay strong and know that you are not alone. I can say that going to therapy and working to overcome this has deepened my capacity for the unconditional love. I will never go back, just forward.


anonymous 6 years ago

Excellent advice. I find that sometimes, we all need a fresh start in life.

I wish I had thought of this sooner, however, our society brainwashes us to obedience and unconditional love for people that can really, royally, eff up our lives.

I am almost 30, 28 and glad to have found this post.

My favorite advice to give is simple: by simply assigning no ring* to the numbers of annoying people in your life, you can greatly increase the utility you get out of your life! You wont even hear the phone ring when they call.

Easy to do on samsung cell phones. Good luck!


mam 6 years ago

I am 42 and have struggled with a prescription drug abusing alcoholic mom for years. She lived "The American Dream" with my step dad and after he passed she lost it. She has had police, fire & EMT's to her house every day for the last week. Seriously every day. I've even go so far as to have her involuntarily committed by a judge. She has threatened to kill me even with an officer standing right beside me. I have come to realize that at this point in her life she is choosing the drugs/liquor over me, my 2 sons, my brother & his wife, his 2 daughters and new twin grand-daughters. People have tried to guilt me so many times and reading this article & all the post has given me courage. Given me HOPE. Given me the strength and assurance that I am not a bad daughter for finally walking away. Thank you all for sharing your own trials. I am sad that we are all suffering at the hands of the people who were supposed to love us more than anything else in the world. MAM


Christine 6 years ago

I need to divorce my mother----she lies, manipulates and is still physically and mentally abusive to me---even as I am an adult with children of my own. Does anyone else have a Narcassistic mother out there? Would love to talk with you!


WJS 6 years ago

I became permanently estranged from my father almost four years ago. I became very ill and then nearly died from a botched surgery. He told me before I was diagnosed that it was all in my head, and that I was basically a nutcase just like my Mother (my parents divorced when I was six). Then he told me my life was over and I should declare bankruptcy because nobody in my family was going to be able to help me with any medical bills (this was before I had even asked for any help from anyone). He then went on to tell my brother that he offered me help and support and I rejected him. So then my brother told me I was terrible and I ended up being separated from him until about six months ago when he apologized and said he wanted to "re-connect." My mother and stepfather raised me and are wonderful and did help, and I have a great husband who my father and brother will probably never meet. I did manage to put my life back together. But now my husband is in the process of having to get away from his mother. She and her lovely husband declared bankruptcy without informing him and had co-signed on two of his student loans back in the day. He now has a bankruptcy and default on his credit report and we cannot afford to start a family, buy a home, or qualify for any joint loan of any kind. Worst of all she told him her situation was what mattered, and that she was not sorry and would offer no help to solve this problem she caused. I told him to get the heck away from her forever, but he feels that since she is his parent he should put up with it. It's so sad...I love him and will stand by him but hope he has enough self-respect to just walk away. Some people are just bad news...


TheyAreEvil 6 years ago

Hello and thanks for this thread.

I divorced my NPD mother 7 years ago. We kept it to 2 emails a year, 1 birthday and 1 Christmas. Recently, I discovered that she had withheld news of the death of my father, manipulating it so she could attend his funeral without me. She deliberately did not tell me my father had died! This is what these people are like, even after you've divorced them. There is no final answer. God help us all.


FinallyHappy 6 years ago

This is the best article. You truly show a lot of wisdom with it. Thanks to everyone who put a comment, i read every single one. And i too understand your pain, I'm 27 and have just divorced my parents and i feel like a normal person finally because of it . seriously if your considering it, don't wait i agree that i wish i overcame myself and did it much earler. My mother is soooomanipulative and messed up and treats my dad terribly. Ive got 4 brothers am the only girl and growing up was a nightmare. I guess this is life and these things show us a way to be better humans. I will try so hard not to do this to my kids when i have them. But you SHOULD NOT put up with this. I dont ever want to associate with my family again, we are all messed up bcos we were dragged down by their meddling, it felt like i was only half present. All my brothers are substance abusers and basically not desirable types and i am and have been for a long time, an emotional nervous angry nervous wreck. Good luck to all of you facing this there is a future out there where you're in control.

Peace x


billyjoe gray 6 years ago

my parents divorced when i was 8 y/o now as young as that is and btw i am 46 y/o my dad has been non exsistant throughout that relationhsip and mom well she has dealt hard with me and i sucked it up for long enough .

She said she went to my school in 4th grade to stop a

teacher from locking me in a closet , she abandoned me to a home for boys at age 12y/o rather than dealing with it her self yea i had behaviour problems however hse is still treating me like the "black sheep" of the family she belittles my wife (there is a fine line tween belittleling and teasing ) i have seen several councelsors for over 34 years and have been diagnoised with almost everything you can imagine ..adhd,hpd,and depression just to name a few

I am currently on med for the depression but it all started from 8y/o when they decided to divorce she took off to a neighbor's house and dad lock me out the house as well as the rest of the kids . do i have a case for idvorcing my parents ?


donna 6 years ago

being the child of two narcissistic parents it was imperative in fact an absolute must that i no longer allowed either parent to be a part of my life. growing up constantly being made to feel like everything was always my fault (a child?)i was never good i had an attitude problem i was spoiled etc, etc. having NO self esteem and always getting involved in abusive relationships once i became an adult i had to learn thru therapy and many self help books that my parents were the problem and still are the problem and now at 36 yrs old they sill have yet to admit that there is something wrong with them. To hell w/u who still stupidly believe obey thy mother and father and arrogantly criticize those of us who for our own health and well being and metal and emotionally stability need to let them go. you are stupid and your stupid biased religious "beliefs" do way more harm than good.


Pattie 6 years ago

Why isn't there laws to provide safe solutions to children having an abusive lifestyle ... controlled by their parents (both of them!) and CPS not solving anything ... back with parents now! They continue to make life miserable. Even with pictures, logs of abuses, nothing can be done to protect the child! The child suffers after all the 'turn ins' and life is worse than ever. They enjoy how miserable child is. They aren't happy unless child is downtrodden to point of collapse. Law enforcement are friends of parents so anything derogatory (calls to them for help, that is)gets swept under rug ... just terrible how this is going. Supposed to be able to 'call for help' but it always backfires! School can't help either ... can talk to counselors, but talk is cheap - especially when nothing can be done .. parents have total control and they know it and use it to their own advantage. Can't even manage a good school curriculum b/c parents dictate what THEY want ... cannot get ahead. The laws are for the parents and nothing can help a child in a desperate situation like this! 16 and suffering at the hands of parents ... no one can help.


zach 6 years ago

im gonna devorce them but how do i tell them


Greenheart profile image

Greenheart 6 years ago from Cambridge

Hi Isabella.

I love this hub title.One of the best.

And i think that it is by love and forgiveness that this 'divorce' can happen.In the best possible way. And i know that this is not by any means always possible.And that breaking the bond needs to happen for reasons of abuse.

Any-how,how-ever any body does it at the time is right for the time as we all do what we think is best at that time.We are all in a vulnerable position in this world.All in the same boat.And all have a lot of learning and growth to do as human beings


snookums 6 years ago

Good job! I divorced my mother in 1998. She was abusive, bipolar, and awful, and at 40 I simply gave up. I'd cared for her for 30 years as though I were the parent, while also raising myself. I have never regretted it, even though a few times people have tried to guilt me about it. I wish I'd done it before then.


clare 6 years ago

I am nearly 59 and it's taken me all this time to realise that I have to "divorce" my mother. It is very painful because she has just gone into an old peoples home, but if a parent has abused you in whatever way and continues to do so as the article describes don't leave it and leave it in the hopes that things will get better. The longer you leave it the more painful it is. Certainly in the sense of feeling guilty. My mother is old, but she is still basically the same person that she was all those years ago during my childhood and she is still hurting me. My siblings have largely cut themselves off from her they did so long ago. In fact they had no choice because she gave them no support whatsoever. What I'm trying to say is if a parent or parents continually hurt you don't leave it too late it's much worse.


soph 6 years ago

people r lucky to have balanced parents. id have that over any money.


dika 6 years ago

have had a very toxic relationship with my mother too. When I was ab 11 and my brother 17, she started having an affair with a man 10 years younger than her. She became pregnant but father loved her too much and accepted the baby as if he were his own son We became an atypical family. The marriage was a total hell and I have suffered enormously for my father who was a very kind man and treated disdainfully by mother. My relationship with her became very tense, although I loved her very much, I could not forgive her for what she did to my father and to us. She continued being very cold ,and unavailable and selfish and hated my father . At present she only lives for my stepbrother, the baby she had with her lover, and she treats me so distantly. We cannot possibly have a natural mother-daughter relationship, she is never interested in my life, and many times i had the feeling she wanted to get rid of me .Thank you for writing this great article. Thank you people, for sharing your experiences here, It is a relief to see you are not alone


Been there 7 years ago

The healthiest thing I have ever done in my life was to end my relationship with my mother and step-father. After many, many years of tryiny to live around their self-absorption, bad-behaviour and ridiculous fighting, I finally realized that was how it was going to be the rest of my life, and, worse, my children's life. I was putting my kids through the same nightmare that I had lived since 8 years old. At age 44, I started a new life. Now 63, I have never regretted it for one moment. I have toyed with the idea of trying to establish a relationship again, but I know from relatives that nothing has changed. I got out to survive, truly, just like from an abusive marriage. No they were not all bad, but they were toxic and harmful, and they ruined anything nice that we tried to do with their bad behaviour. One of their big fights during a Mother's Day Brunch I was putting on with my children present was among the collection of "final straws" that finally helped me to cut the ties. Too often something that should be nice always seemed to turn out very, very ugly. Yes, it's sad, and very unfortunate, and yes I miss the nice things about my mother and wish it could be different, but it's not. I know it was the right decision for me and my children. I have never felt guilty, ever. Maybe for not doing it sooner. But sometimes people who don't understand try to convince me to try again, even try to lay a little guilt on me. I know if they really saw it and experienced it they would understand. Good luck to any of you suffering like this. I hope you find a way to work it out or to get out while you still have a chance for some self-esteem and happiness, and to live without the sense of anxiety, dread, and fear that goes with living with toxic parents.


Davey Baby 7 years ago

I grew up with an emotional house and was close to my Mother. Both parents struggled since the day they were together. The main problem is negativity is always the focus and negating the others opinion. Through the years we've been through drugs, alchohalism, abuse verbally and physically, and even rape. Money was never a problem thats why I think they stayed together even though they say its because of the "kids"...I've been trying to mend their relationship so much its become exhausting. I've held in for years all the real issues our family just puts off on a back burner as if its "normal" stuff. Not no more, I found a new family or should I say our paths crossed for a reason, and I pray they don't ever let me go. They hated my own first family enough to actually tell me I made a huge mistake!!!! Yup, the day I announced my own sons begining my Father said, "I already have a grandson". Living with memories like this along with the constant condensending guilt placed on another is not healthy. Its time to start with people who work together regardless of how much money I bring to the table.


gordon 7 years ago

how do you divorce them? are you just using that word to describe you are not seeing them again. i'm 40 and I have been thinking of this since childhood. my father was abused me emotionally and mentally through out my life - it was terrible as a kid. I hated it when he came back from work as I knew his moods would start and the shouting etc.

I don't have a relationship now. Its just about Christmas and Birthday presents. What is worse is how my parents discriminate between me and my sibblings. Now they are getting married but I'm just there to make up appearances.

It just makes my blood boil. I've been feeling bad for 35 years and my brother and I just feel enough is enough. So we're not going to any wedding. Its the best way to cut the chord. I hope it works. Anyone got any opinion on this or ideas?


Sage Spencer 7 years ago

Giving up my mother was the best decision I have ever made. I only wish I had done it sooner. Divorcing your parents is a legitimate topic. Thank you for writing about it.


Jen 7 years ago

Lauri, I could have written your post, I have gone through many of the same thoughts and feelings and still struggle at times. I have learned, and almost fully believe now, that unconditional love is only appropriate for babies and children and can be dangerous for adults. We need to protect ourselves from people may harm us, including our abusive parents. We have to have conditions, or boundaries, or we subject ourselves to being hurt and used by abusive people. As a parent, there is a time when I must set conditions on my children, usually beginning when they are pre-teens. Inside I love them unconditionally, but if their behavior becomes harmful for me, I will have to change my behavior and not allow them access. For example, if they continue to borrow money and not pay it back, I will have to say "no" at some point. I still love them, but my behavior changes to keep myself safe.

I do not have love for my parents. My physically and emotionally abusive mother died 8 years ago. I struggle with guilt over needing to cut ties with my father and sister. I get no satisfaction or pleasure from spending time with them. They are very selfish people and do not express any concern for me. Unconditional love is not there in this case. But why is the guilt so strong? That is what I ask myself, what I continue to struggle with.

Therapy has helped me tremendously with this. My doctor has never told me to cut ties or to not cut ties. He is helping me explore what it might be like and what is best for me.


lauri 7 years ago

I've been thinking about cutting ties with my mom lately. She has reared her ugly emotionally abusive head. She recently moved out of the country which helps matters. I think it's funny how I want my parents to be different, have different behaviors. I so value unconditional love yet I refuse to love them unconditionally. How can I expect a bhaviour from them yet not exhibit that behaviour myself? It seems to be because they are my parents! When learning about behaviours all I had was them growing up. This is where I learned it. So I have enough history of abuse from my mom to realize that I no longer want it in my life. As parents, it seems that as our kids grow up we have to change our behaviours toward them in order for them to develop into mature adults. I mean if parents continue speaking to their child at age 13 the same way they did at age 5 then the child is gonna be a very interesting person, mildly speaking. Don't you think? Point being that parents have the responsibility to learn and thing and grow with the development of their child to the best of their ability. I don't believe that enough responsibility is taken for raising our children for some people. And kids get that parents screw up sometimes. What they dont get is abuse.


Sally 7 years ago

Hey Paul,

I can understand you being mad but gee, my parents didn't even give me one dollar. I had to support myself from the age of eighteen and I had to put myself through full time uni while doing three jobs and never had a cent to my name after paying rent, bills, books, fees etc and I had to do it all on my own. it is a wonder I had time to staudy when I look back. My mother verbally and emotionally abuse dme my entire life, put me in a children's home because she didn't want me but I had to go back home after 7 months as I was not a ward of the state, and she kicked me out a number of times as a teenager, the last time being at age 18. My father just sat ny and let it happen as he was her puppet. She has talked about me behind my back ever since I was a child, trying to turn people against me, and she still does it now, even though I am doing pretty well compared to a lot of people. She will never love me or approve of me and my father over the years has become just like her. They come into my home and criticise me for silly things like the dishes in the sink, my son't toilet training or bedtime, depsite them having done far worse to me. I wrote them a letter saying I want them in my life but the criticism and the slandering of me to others has to stop, and they decided not to bother with me or their grandchildren any more because I finally stood up for myself and said what I won't tolerate any longer. Now that they have done this I am wondering if I should bother to try to make amends or just leave them to it as they do not provide any positive input into my life, only put downs and blame. Yes they blame me for the way they treated me and still treat me. Anyway, I wish my parents had even once supported me in any way but I had to do it all on my own and they are never going to change.


jamiesweeney profile image

jamiesweeney 7 years ago from Philadelphia, PA

Putting your well being first is a great reason. It's pretty crazy how long it took me to realize I had a choice to do that.


7 years ago

I finally divorced my mother, im aged 34...she had me when she was 16 and i left home when i was sixteen due to the emotional neglect and abuse i endured. I reuinted and constructed a relationship after a period of time in my early 20's and for almost 2 years now i have once again not spoken to her after another bout of her emtional destructive nature. I wondered if i was doing the right thing as i dont know of anyone else who no longer speaks to there parents, so it was nice to come on here and read all the input to confirm i am not alone and that im making a healthy choice for myself. I will not speak to her again as nothing will have changed and im an adult now and it is my responsibility to surround myself with healthy relationships. When your a child you dont have a choice, you love your parents unconditionally but as an adult you chose who to love and what behaviour is acceptable to you. Thank - you to the article and for everyone else who shared their stories.


????  7 years ago

sorry about the same mutiple storys i didn't know it put it up =/


LeeAnn 7 years ago

Like many of the people on this page, I too "divorced" my parents. My father became despondent and ran away from home years ago, but it was only recently that I cut off contact with my mother. After several years of abuse and manipulation, it is only in retrospect that I see how much of a mistake it was to keep talking to her. She never knew me; had she known me, she would probably have hated me. When I needed help with things, she resented me. She is also probably the most irresponsible person I know. It took a recent stunt of hers, which put a wedge forever now between me and my sister to cut her off.

Please everyone, if you are seriously considering divorcing your parents... don't wait. It is just like breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend... if you know deep down that things are not going to change, and that the relationship is doomed, don't wait. It will only be worse in the long run.

Great hub, Isabella.


Milly 7 years ago

I am 41 years old and have divorced my parents for almost two years now. This takes a lifetime to get to this point. I know many people tell of the "emotionally absent" father, but mine went way beyond that. If he literally said 50 words to me that I can remember while I was growing up that would have been a lot. My mother came from abusive parents and thought that anything better than her parents was acceptable parenting. There were never any words of support or encouragement spoken to us in the house. My mother's emotions ran the house. Since we had nothing from our father, and my mother was miserable in her marriage, you can imagine that most time spent within our home was unhappy. I am so thankful I had teachers and friends to interact with, or I would have ended up as emotionally bankrupt as my parents.

As an adult, I discovered a betrayal by mother that I will never forgive. It's so painful that I have only told my husband about this. My daughter wonders why we don't visit her grandparents anymore. So far, I have told her that they have been ill, and that really isn't too far from the truth. I will never speak badly of them to my daughter, but at some point I need to tell my daughter that I have been hurt by them and that I needed to stop having contact with them in order for me to live a more authentic life. I was never able to just be myself as I was growing up, and it's about time that I have that opportunity now.


Emily 7 years ago

Awesome...I am 27 and probably needing to do this. The problem is that I'm still living at home and it won't be for the next year. But I really need to figure out how to do it. This is a relationship that's not healthy...and not going to move me towards being independent and living my life.


lovelily 7 years ago

drugs. alcohol. sometimes parents suck. I hit the jackpot with my mother, she is amazing, but dad. wow. lets not go there. I wish I could divorce him, so much, but he is a master manipulator and I don't see anyway that I can leave without getting guilted right back in. I am only 18, but I have never lived my own life and have just about given up hope. what do you do when you can't leave? what do you do when you can't escape? its all well and good to say, yeah; emancipate yourself, but how do you actually do it? what do you do when he says that he will kill himself if you don't come back? what do you do when he says he will die if you leave him? what then? do you let him get on with it? take the risk and hope to god that he is kidding? or not? leave him for your younger siblings to have to deal with? let them take the brunt of it and then have them resent you for the rest of their lives because you left them to take care of him? what? I think that this is a great article, but I don't think it applies to all cases. for those of you who can do it, congratulations. I wish......I don't even know what to wish for. I think I will wish for a future.


Tanvir 7 years ago

Ya reminds me of that simpsons episode of bart simpson divcorcing his parents. but i can't stand them either is it possible to have that


Vanessa 7 years ago

I am 24 years old and all my life my mother has treated me badly. She gave me to my dad when I was 9 years old because she said she could not take of me. The truth was, she didn't want the responsibility. When I grew up some she finally wanted to do something with me because I could take care of myself. Well we got into an argument and she told me that she wis she had an abortion with me when she had a chance. Well that was the last time she will hurt me. I am tired of getting hurt by her and I want to divorce her for the rest of my life. I am a better mother to my two kids. She will regret doing this to me. But it's to late. Im done with her and her comments.


SASHERA PEARCE 7 years ago

THANK YOU FOR WRITIN THIS BOOK


LH 7 years ago

I'm not sure about the advice to leave the written lines of communication open. My mom is most abusive in her written emails and letters. She's got a chance to just let it all pour out in lengthy diatribes full of insults.

Another question is how do you keep some kind of good communication and visitation with one of your parents when it's only one who is being abusive? I do not want my father to miss contact with me when it's my mother who is the toxic one.

It's a hard thing. Know that divorcing a parent or parents isn't easy. It comes with its own bag of guilt, knowing that they are getting old and that you may have regrets even if this is what you need to do. So many unqualified people are parents. They don't realize that having a decent income and a house isn't enough. And they have the power to damage you for a lifetime. If they were physically or emotionally abusive when you were a child, they can keep reopening these wounds when you are an adult by insulting you. If you keep trying to have a relationship and share things with them only to have them turn around and later use these things that they know to hurt you, it's really time to sever contact, I think--and that very well could mean ESPECIALLY the written word if that's one of the places that they're most abusive.


Elizuk 7 years ago

I found the article really interesting. I am going to get legal advice to divorce my parents. Both were very cruel to me when I was younger. I don't speak to my mum's or dad's famlies, as they decided to look the other way to what was going on. The past has left a permanent scare. This, to me, will be some sort of closure.


ajxo 7 years ago

im doing this,,not matter what aint no boy stoppin mehh

im 15

&& i do what i wantt


lovelyrose 7 years ago

Any tips on what to do with my parents who cant seem to mind their own business? It doesn't even seem like my mom trusts me. Whenever i ask to go anywhere she asks if there are going to be boys and alcohol there. Yeah im friends with guys, why is that such a problem? I don't drink alcohol so they should just trust me and believe that i wouldn't do that. Please any help would be appreciated


sadgirl 7 years ago

I really appreciated this article. I am 34 years old, and I cut off nealry all communication with my abusive, indifferent parents nearly three years ago. The things they did to me and my siblings while growing up are criminal. This was something that I should have done years ago. I was looking up informatin on this subject because I was feeling so guilty, like I was going against God. However, since the "divorce," I have found that I have much more peace in my life. Every time I would see my mother, I would become enraged. This was causing serious problems in my marriage. I agree with what Scigirl stated. Some mothers do not have maternal instincts, and some parents are just not interested in their chidlren's lives. I am still deeply saddened and affected on a daily basis because I do not have good parents. How do you ever overcome this?


UnitedKingdom 7 years ago

Thank you for a great article. I wont go into details too much but my mother is an acoholic... a nasty violent spitefull one. Still even though i hate her, i love her very much. I have tried everything and anything to try and get her help and to stop, even offering to mortgage the house to pay for rehab, but i have now come to the realisation that she wont ever stop because she doesn't want to, she loves alcohol and she is quite happy to continue abusing me mentally physically and verbally as well as killing herself slowly and it will be sooner rather than later. I have decided after 28 years of living with my mother doing these awfull, heartbreking things, to cut myself off from my mother completely. Yes it hurts... but it hurts anyway when she does what she does. i do however want to say to people that before you think of dirvorcing your parents, please think about how your parents COULD be... are they really that bad after all? You only get one mother in this life... im just gutted that i lost mine to alcohol.


hel 7 years ago

Isabella, your article is so concise, so well-written, so wise. Personally, I don't find material like this in any way contraversial, although I can see how it may appear that way to those who may be intolerant to new ways of thinking. It is a breath of fresh air.

I guess I'm not surprised that there are a number of younger adults speaking up here, and I concur with Isabella's comments about age. One thing that I am working on right now, however, is the much more difficult scenario of divorcing ONE parent. Seriously, closing & sealing a door is not a feasible solution when you still have to use that door to access the remaining parent, and siblings, with whom you and your own family have a rational, healthy relationship and who do not deserve to be on that side of the door.

I was going to say a little bit more, but fell open-mouthed at Dee's comments - we are the same age, Dee. And your comments could be mine!


Becca 7 years ago

im a teen but i take care of my self already as it is. sure my parents give me a place to live and 20 for food every week but i could do better with out them living on my own


lora  7 years ago

nice to know i'm not the only adult child who wants to divorce from their parents!


Jase 7 years ago

This is a great hub. I "divorced" my parents back when... Oh, when I was sixteen or so I guess. I tried once or twice to give them another chance to prove they could be better people; but each time they failed miserably.

When I was in my early-twenties, I half let them back into my life. I'd talk to them probably once every few months over the phone; and that was it. But, gradually, I came to see that they weren't doing anything prat-ish, nothing insensitive or hurtful. I guess it helped to show there was potential for change; even though I didn't realise I was noticing it at the time.

Only about a year ago, I came clean about some huge, life-changing truths I hadn't felt able to tell them before, given the terrible way they'd treated me as a child. I honestly don't know why I did; but my mother took it all at face value, and basically said that if it made me happy, then fine.

...She also said that telling me NOT to do something I'd set my mind to had never worked anyway. At least she's learned that if something's important to me, it really is important to me.

Anyway, I wouldn't say I'm on GOOD terms with them- I still don't think I'll ever forgive my stepfather- but I realised that perhaps one day I can view my mother as more than just the woman who gave birth to me. And I honestly think keeping her at arms length for a while is a big reason for it.

I saw someone asked if parents can then "divorce" their kids. It's called disowning them; and lets face it, if your offspring is an adult who should be looking after themselves, but is damaging your mental health and has no desire to become better people- why not?


Paul 7 years ago

Great article.

I think parenting is one of the most complicated and difficult trials in life. I don't think that people realize what they're getting themselves into when they decide to become parents. For me, it's absolutely outrageous that people have kids without any sort of planning involved at young ages with no expertise or plan for providing for them. The way people have kids, you'd think it's no big deal. Well, it is a VERY BIG DEAL, the biggest deal anyone will EVER have to deal with in their lives. I hate it when people talk about, "parental rights." As if such a thing even exists. Parents don't have rights. They have responsibilities. They have a responsibility to put food on the table, they have a responsibility for their child's emotional well-being, they have a responsibility to set high standards in all aspects of life, they have a responsibility to provide money for their child's education. Parent's don't own children. Parents choose to have a child, no child chooses their parents. There are a lot of REALLY BAD parents out there.

I think it's really unfortunate to be considering breaking off ties with loved ones. But if they aren't doing any good for their children in all of the ways that parents can be reasonably expected to do good for their children then that's exactly what should happen. It's really sad to think of all of the really good people out there who are carrying around dead weight in the form of terrible parents who have always been terrible and don't seem to want to get it right. I had to drop out of college after the withdraw date for the semester because my mom decided she was tired of paying me $450 every month to cover my rent. I had no place to stay, no way to continue on with my school work and no way to pay the rent, even though I had a 30 hour a week job to cover all my personal expenses. I had an agreement with her when I graduated from High School that she would cover my rent until I graduated. She was never late with a bill in her life, but felt that my academic success apparently didn't warrant the same sort of devotion. So here I am in the job market... not qualified for anything, 2 semesters away from a degree I'll never have, trying to make it... and I never want to see her again. I've felt awful for feeling so much anger towards her... but I think I've finally realized that it's okay to be angry. What she did was inappropriate. The past 3 years of my life have been an entire waste due to her. I was just two semesters away from a decent-paying job and upward mobility in the job market... just two semesters away when she decided to go back on her promise to me. I'll never forgive her... and it feels absolutely horrible, but whenever I've spoken to her about it, she's blamed me and refused to accept responsibility for having flaked on her only child when it mattered most. There's just no resolving it. I don't want her in my life anymore.


WHATever. 7 years ago

THANK YOU. this hashelped me. a lot.


courtneyw823 7 years ago

Hi I am 19 years old and trying to get financial aid for college. My adopitve parents make too much money for me to get aid if i file with them on my fasfa but scence I am not marred. have no kids, and I am under the age of 24 then I have to chose but to file under them. I have been living on my own for over a year know with no help from them. I have been repeatidly been pushed away from the family by my moter. I have tried many times to get her to try and talk things over with me and work things out but she just says that I do not try hard enogh to be part of the family and to let her know when I am ready to do my part. She sent me a letter about 3 months ago to tell me that again and I wrote back telling her that i though we could try and work things out talking through letters because it seemed to help. She never responded, she and the rest of my family left christmas early to keep from seeing me. When I called them they did not answer. When I went to there house only my brothers would come out to talk to me. The asked my dad if he wanted to talk to me but he wouldn't come out sied.(I am not allowed in the house)(except on rare ocations when my mother happens to let me in). They do not accept the gifts I get them. They have removed all pictures of me from the house unless one of my siblings are also in the pic they do not answer my phone calls. e-mails. or letteres. I am at my wits end. They spent my college fund to remodle the house. do you think that divorcing my parents would help me get my emotional stability back as well as the financial aid i need to go to collage.


scigirl 8 years ago

I am 34 years old and I have been wanting to break away from my mom for a long time. I always gave in or listened to everyone else until now. There are parents out there that just don't have the maternal instinct that they are supposed to have. For some reason they can't take an interest in their son or daughter's lives. So it is best to finally break away. I have finally realized that it is not me. I've done all I can do, given up everything I could, and tried as much as I could. My relationship with my mother is like a bad friendship. I go out of my way for her and she does the minimum. She never calls and checks on me. She doesn't care what I'm doing, where I'm going, or what is happening in my life. I've decided that its best to not get my heart broken.


DEE 8 years ago

as an adult, I'm 43 yrs old an have tried everything to have a civil relationship with my mother! but she is just a mean person, all she does is create drama among the family, she steals, lies, gossips about her own children, I dont want any part of her!! she has done the last thing she will ever do to me! I want nothing to do with her! she's a sad pathetic person! I'm so done with her, I want to divorce her!!!!


rarestone1 profile image

rarestone1 8 years ago

Welll written, the title like you say is a bit controversial, but actually you do share some valuable insights. You are a good writer, I have enjoyed this one. Thanks.


In Atlanta 8 years ago

I have to say this is an interesting topic. It raised some questions in my mind: if you can divorce your parents, can you divorce your kids? I suppose some would call this abandonment or walking away. But is it not the same the other way around? Can one "abandon" their parents? I guess the emotional trauma with each scenario is devastating regardless. Again, a very interesting topic...


Mita 8 years ago

I just discovered you. This is really good. To the point. thanks.


Jerry G2 profile image

Jerry G2 8 years ago from Cedar Rapids, IA

Great hub. As much as it sometimes sucks, sometimes it's just too dysfunctional for things to continue. I remember during college coming to that point, and my end result was a little drastic (moving to Alaska), but fortunately I've been pretty blessed since now I probably have the best relationship with my parents I've ever had, but I really feel that time of breaking away was absolutely necessary. Great job of tackling a tough topic.


t.keeley profile image

t.keeley 8 years ago from Seattle, WA

Great hub :) I pretty much had to do the same thing...although I consider it more breaking away than divorcing. I'd say my parents weren't terrible, but there is a point at which they are to stop being parents.


compu-smart profile image

compu-smart 8 years ago from London UK

Excellent hub with some very good reasons and ways to achieve this, which lots of kids do not realise they CAN do and legally!


feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 8 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

As a parent of a youngster that tells me most days she wants new parents, I have to say, I appreciate your start. She is too small right now to comprehend something like this. I can imagine what kind of interpretation she could get if she reads this later in life, if the beginning wasn't written like it is. As for the rest, good going! You can't change people if they aren't willing to change. It isn't healthy for you to try. You only get yourself deeper into a bad situation. I agree fully with everything you said, especially the part about written communication being the best method. Anyway, I'll just wrap up this comment with Good job, thank you again for clearly addressing who you wrote this for. I'm sure lots of good parents with rebellious teenagers appreciate it too. :)


best of the web profile image

best of the web 8 years ago from US

Good one.

Thanks for sharing :)


Stacie Naczelnik profile image

Stacie Naczelnik 8 years ago from Seattle

Isabella, as an adult I've gone through a sort of divorce from a parent. It has been necessary, if not always easy. Having outlets of support outside of my parents has been helpful. Not surprising, that support already existed before the divorce.


RainbowRecognizer profile image

RainbowRecognizer 8 years ago from Midwest

You bring a pertinent topic to light and offer helpful suggestions - as always. :o)


Sue St. Clair profile image

Sue St. Clair 8 years ago from I would rather be in Paris

Good going Isabella!,

Your comments and hub are accurate and helpful. I enjoyed the hub.


Lazur profile image

Lazur 8 years ago from Netherlands

Good hub.:) I can relate to this. I divorced both my parents in a different manner. I divorced my father for four years emotionally( I didn't see him anymore)and my mother for even more and also legally when I asked a judge to take away her custody a long time ago. And we're all in a new kind of relationship now.:)


ASHWINSPGA profile image

ASHWINSPGA 8 years ago from Lion City ( Singapore)

Kids know before they apply for Emanipation that once the divorce is approved in court its time to face the harsh reality of facing the world all by themselves. They need to work house feed all by themselves. But if they believe they can make it on their own then by all means they must be given the right to find a better life for themselves than the one they got from their unhappy homes. Its not easy to get emancipated. they need to be 14yrs old, prove to the court they have a roof over their head and are employed. If they are responsible and committed enough to pass these criteria at this tender age, it only goes to show how unhappy they have been living with their parents. Emancipation is the only way for these kids to be happy and it will only make them strong for the even more difficult battles that may come to in their lives.

Great work Isabella.. Thumbs up

Submit a Comment
New comments are not being accepted on this article at this time.
Click to Rate This Article
working