How To Lose Weight the Unlucky Fried Kitten way

Lose Weight the UFK Way

A step by step journey of an unconventional weight-loss regime

DAY ONE

How To Lose Weight the UfK Way
(written by Andy Export...man on the scales for average pop-band Unlucky Fried Kitten)


NB: This is a personal guide only...and although I am confident it will work gloriously for myself...there's no guarantee that it will work for you. Have a read...pick parts out...adapt...devise your own methods that will work for you. Be the captain of your own ship in the murky waters of obesity and food-rage. Thank you.

DAY ONE

Remember that old cliché Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life? Yeah...it's a worn-out old proclamation...that's for sure...but cliches are cliches for a reason....because they have valid sentiment. I've always thought it a shame when someone such as myself...blessed with devilish good looks and despicable charm...has piled on the pounds...to become a bloated version of their former self...left to walk around looking like a burst sausage when adorned in ripped jeans and t-shirt.

Added pressure comes when you're an internationally-known rock-star such as myself (what?.....okay...interlocally-known rock-star) because there's always someone with a camera to remind the world of your transformation from Adonis Hunk to Balloon-Man. They say the camera adds ten pounds...that's true...especially when you're not wearing make-up. Oh for the days before Facebook and flickr when you could wobble up on stage like Rob Smith....safe in the knowledge that your bloated image would not be popping up on random screens across the land the very next day. Not that I'm taking a swipe at the wonderful paparazzi of Maidstone and the Medway Towns...many of whom are firm friends....but please hold fire on the Canon 5D Mk 2 sights until I've reached my target weight....and I'm looking more Billy Idol than Billy Bunter.


Alas...we are in the modern age...and after seeing THIS photo of myself...(below)...lovingly taken by Chris Tong...on stage at The Nag's Head, Rochester, I have finally decided to take the proverbial plunge...and to take steps to shed some timber.
I am undoubtedly inspired by my own obesity. I'm definitely inspired at the prospect of healthier times ahead. I am also unquestionably inspired by the fantastic achievement of my manager, Gary, who has lost 13 stone in 12 months...dropping from 30 stone to 17. I could never match that...of course...and I don't aspire to achieve that...because if I myself was to lose 13 stone I'd be weighing in at around a stone and a half....and that would be silly. To match his achievement as a percentage...around a 47% drop...I'd need to come down to 8 stone 4 pounds....that would be silly too. I won't be doing it the way my manager did...sheer dedication...hard work...exhaustive gym and weights routine...meticulous devotion to healthy eating etc. That wouldn't work for me. I'm doing it my own way...the UFK way...little steps...periodic appraisal...moderate exercise...sensible eating etc. A pot-pourri of the untried and untested. The seas of my life will still be choppy....but I'm hoping that the way I set my sails will give me a more pleasant voyage.
My manager has given me some helpful advice on healthy eating. I particularly rejoiced at the notion of a Cheat Day...whereby you can eat whatever you want for one day a week. I mentioned that I might take my Cheat Day in hours...spread over the other days. 2 Cheat Hours a day for the week. Apparently it 'doesn't work like that'

Source

So I popped down to Wilkinsons and bought some scales and a mirror....my first tools in the UFK Weight-Loss program. I have to say...it's not ALL about losing weight. The weight-loss runs alongside the toning up of the body. The scales will be used weekly...every Sunday. Daily use is overkill because any loss will be less apparent and the incentive will dwindle and lead to abandonment. The mirror will be used for reflection....I write...with no hint of irony. And for photographs.

I have been calling on my facebook friends for their tips and opinions on the subject of losing weight and staying fit....and their comments will be crow-barred into the proceedings from time to time. I will keep them in...verbatim...and please bear in mind...they could be right...they could be wrong ;-)

(starting with Will Carruthers...below)

Will Carruthers

Building site always works for me Andy
Building site always works for me Andy

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Top 5 keep-fit activities are:
Walking....35%
Swimming....15%
Yoga workout....11%
Cycling....10%

GET SOME SONGS
So here I am...armed with scales and mirror...with all my old abandoned keep-fit paraphernalia scattered around the house-that-would-be-a-gym. I may or may not use some of it. The exercise cycle in the diner might have to relinquish it's role of coathanger-towel rack. The mini-trampoline in the spare room may have to lose it's position of 'bed to the cats'
I might even drag the boxing-dummy up from the cellar...the one I graffiti'd up to look like Liam Gallagher. Supersonic....such a glorious song to punch dummies to. Yeah....so...next on the UFK Fitness Regime....choose your music. I'll be picking Unlucky Fried Kitten songs...for copyright reasons. I'm not gonna sue myself...am I? Use whatever songs get you going...and your work-out will be easier...and more enjoyable. Great sounds turn a chore into fun. Choose songs that get you in the mood for movement. The first song I'm using is called Elation Day...because the sentiment of the song (I'm so happy) lifts my spirits...and the pace is demanding. I guess I should point out now....in case you play the song...that I hadn't been listening to Fran Healey's 'Travis' when I wrote Elation Day. The 'I'm So Happy' refrain is achingly similar to the refrain in the 1997 Happy song...I'll give you that...but I wrote Elation Day in 1985...when Fran was still in shorts....and anyone who saw my Death In Venice band in the late 80's will confirm that it was very much a firm staple of our live set. So there ya go...the refrain is mine all mine. Not that I'm saying Fran H heard my song...not at all...it's just a case of one great mind and one screwed-up mind thinking alike. (make your own mind up about which is which)
I'll be adding more UFK songs to this keep-fit guide as I go along. You have been warned.

Elation Day

Wall of Weight-Loss

The wall is made up of many bricks.
•food diary bricks
•weight register bricks
•work-out routine bricks
•progress bricks
Confused? Don't be. It will all become clear. The bricks will be random. I don't do targets....simply because I know that if I miss my target...just once...it upsets the whole symbiosis of the system....and leads to mass abandonment. A brick a day...to record the food diary. There will be no Cheat Day as such....who knows? Every day might become a Cheat Day...this isn't about guilt-trips. It's about steering habits from bad to good. Steady improvement...a slow tweaking of the habits that have been forming over many years.
A drastic change of lifestyle and rapid adoption of routine a la health and vigour might work for some people...but I know it wouldn't work for me...so I'm not going to fool myself into thinking it will. You can make up your own mind about how much...and at what rate...you need to change. Only you will know if you are capable of drinking green tea and eating protein and oats for the rest of your days. I'm not...so I'm going down the route of re-education of the greedy-gene and a course of diversionary tactics. Signposts that were pointed to fatty and stodgy junk-food have to be redirected to point to the path of healthier option.

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Only 25% of gym members in the UK will attend on a regular basis....which means that 75% won't. Frankly...it doesn't surprise me

Nancy Kavanagh

I stopped drinking 6 wks ago and the weight's falling off.....also turned veggie when i was 25 and instantly lost 7 stone in a yr lol :)x
I stopped drinking 6 wks ago and the weight's falling off.....also turned veggie when i was 25 and instantly lost 7 stone in a yr lol :)x

Hitting the Brick Wall

Source

The Brick Wall

The brickies have arrived...and they want to work overtime...so we have a wall. That's the way it will be from hence on...not just one brick to represent the day...but a whole wall. That's what this course is all about...metamorphism (comes from the Greek: Meta = change, Morph = form, so metamorphism means to change form....and I'm changing the form to suit my own rules)

At first glance this may appear to be a day of over-eating...but most of it has been healthy. I made a conscious decision to go for a light option in the sandwich from Tesco....330 calories...which sounds a lot...but others were a couple of hundred more. The noodles...yeah...a little bit of a blip...but it was a very small amount...cold...from the fridge...leftovers from the night before. Rather tasty. The ham sandwiches...well...you gotta eat something you enjoy. Ham on wholemeal bread with freshly sliced rings of onion...and mustard. If you truly enjoy the food you eat...it is not so bad for you. Savor it consciously. The problem comes when you are shovelling food in for the sake of it...and not taking the time to actually savor and taste it. The cans of Strongbow....well...I was toying with the idea of going to the pub...and if I'd have done that I'd have no doubt had about 8 pints of lager....so...it's all about cutting back...slowly. The 28th most important global city in the world (that'll be Rome) wasn't built in an interval equal to 24 hours. (that'll be a day)

As far as the weight goes....today I'm on 92kg.

92 kg = 14.4875 stone
OR 14 st and 6.82 lb

Not much exercise was taken today...because I am starting on that in 2 days time...which is my first day off for a week. Having said that...I have been making more of a conscious effort to be animated in all that I do...performing my duties with a swish and a whoosh...rather than the usual lumber and slouch.

1 x tea, 2 x coffee, i x light choices sandwich, 3 x banana, 1 x tomato, 1 x pink lady apple, 1 x clementine, 1 x small portion of noodles, 2 x rounds of ham sandwiches, 4 x cans Strongbow, 2 x seafood sticks (very small bars of processed crabstick-type stuff)

DAY TWO

An out of shape human being
An out of shape human being | Source

Summary

Not a bad day for animation and exercise....the weight is dropping off me...ha ha. It was a kind of Cheat Day from 6pm onwards cos I had some cider and lager...and then a curry...but it was planned that way. Day off work tomorrow...so it's always my night for drinking...when I haven't got work next day. The food intake...apart from the curry...was pretty sensible. Lots of it...but all good stuff. I made a great effort with the movement...performing my duties with zest and deliberation. Feeling great for Day Two.

A Good-Looking Packed Lunch

Source

The dreaded food diary

4 crabsticks

2 slices of toast...topped with peanut butter

1 clementine

2 bananas

2 tomatoes

2 rounds of ham and mustard sandwiches

5 cans of Strongbow

6 pints of Carlsberg Export

King Prawn and Chicken Curry (from The Lotus House...best Chinese in town...01622 728360...takeaway and delivery)

Today's wall

Coco Lisa Sheils

Have all 4 wisdom teeth removed in one go
Have all 4 wisdom teeth removed in one go

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Britain consumes twice as many baked beans...per person...than any other nationality

I Am A Robot

The song I am using for work-out today is I Am A Robot. It's ideal for star-jumps and press-ups

DAY THREE

You can be forgiven for thinking that this is a Cheat Day too....cos I had some alcohol...and some curry. It's not all about the food though. Someone posted on my FaceBook wall 'If I drink 6 cans of StrongBow will I lose weight? Sounds like the perfect diet'

My answer was thus:

You can eat and drink whatever you like on this diet. It's all about application, sleight of the mind and re-education of the hunger genes. Oh...and defined movement....the icing on the cake. (but don't eat the cake) I've lost 2 kilograms so far. Not bad....considering I had a cheat day yesterday...updating the food diary wall for that tonight. :)x

So there it is...clear and crisp. You don't have to cut it out...you have to cut it back. It'll be a slow progress...but it'll be better than a landslide into heaviness.

I'll be looking into the possibilities of calorie-free alcohol very shortly. For now...it's carry on as usual...but with a distinct inclination to cutting back...not out.

Source

Hello Food Diary

4 cans Strongbow

8 Pints Carlsberg Export

Mixed Meat Curry and Rice

Spicy Salt and Pepper King Prawns

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

1 in 6 children in the UK are clinically obese....and 8 out of 10 of them will continue this obesity into adulthood...so come on mums and dads...sort it out...get them exercising

Gordon Trevillion

Avoid the word 'diet' it suggests a temporary regime. Drink an extra glass of water a day, grill bacon,at least once a day- run up the stairs, have at least 2 nights off per week with no beer. Its working slowly!
Avoid the word 'diet' it suggests a temporary regime. Drink an extra glass of water a day, grill bacon,at least once a day- run up the stairs, have at least 2 nights off per week with no beer. Its working slowly!

DAY FOUR

After yesterday's Cheat Day (of sorts) I went back into a healthy-eating mode for the daytime. Lots of fruit was taken. Some veg. Some light exercise.

My weight appears to have made no decrease nor increase. I shall have to resolve to take steps to alter this....and I'm certain that the answer is MORE exercise.

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Britain's heaviest man...Barry Austin...from Birmingham...had a daily intake of: 3 English Breakfasts, 3 Roast Dinners, 2 portions of Fish & Chips, 1 large trifle and 17 litres of cola drink. This all amounted to approximately 30,000 calories. What a guy. A true Obesity Bunter.

DAY FIVE

Source

Lewis Robinson

Very often when you think you're hungry you're actually thirsty
Very often when you think you're hungry you're actually thirsty

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Indian restaurants represent about two-thirds of all restaurants in the United Kingdom....but in 1950 there were only 6 of them in the UK. Can you believe that? well it's true. One of my true loves drowned when she fell into a vat of curry. I even wrote a song about it. Girlfriend In A Korma

DAY FIVE saw a small increase in eating...but that's because it was my niece's 14th birthday...so I had to join in with the eating. A great excuse. When you look at the intake...I don't think it is too bad...for such an auspicious occasion. It was accompanied by some light exercise...and sessions on the singstar...which saw me dancing...stupidly...much to the amusement of my niece, Keira. I burst my lungs to various numbers...including You Have Killed Me by Morrissey, Animal Nitrate by Suede, Antmusic by Adam Ant, First of the Gang to Die by Morrissey, 68 Guns by The Alarm...and lots more

DAY SIX

It was a case of 'Sunday Working' today....which is okay...because it gives me a discipline...and a chance to move around rather than sitting at the laptop all day long...writing about being active. It was quite a nippy morning...well...it IS late November...and I guess it's time to roll out the 'porridge for breakfast' routine soon.

Work- 10am to 4pm....then 6pm to 8pm. (8 hours graft...in all)

Whilst my job isn't exactly overwhelmingly physical...it does have it's moments...and I tried to up the ante on the animation today. The main change in eating for me over these past 6 days has been the resistance to junk-food in the day-time...at least. I've had a few Chinese meals in the evening...on a few occasions....granted...but that's what they are...meals. You have to have meals. Rather than focus on what I've eaten I am opting to focus on what I've NOT eaten.

Since Day One I've managed to avoid crisps and chocolate. That's a good step for me...because I would have been at the chocolate and crisps every day prior to the start of this regime. I more often than not would pick up a bag of Walkers or a bar of Galaxy (or one of each) every time I bought petrol. It's not just called a 'filling-station' in reference to the fuel for the car. It's there to fill your body too....to make you fat...to tempt you with snacks and titbits. I've stopped that auto-pilot snack-buying now. I'll look at the crisps...glance at the chocolate...and give visual nod to the delicious cheese and bacon snacks in puff pastry...but I'll walk tall...and pass them by. My snacking in the daytime is confined to fruit...though I am aware that it is kind of flooding the body with sugar. It's one of my 'issues to address' to find out just which fruit is the best to eat. I'll report back on that.

Alcohol IS a bit of a downfall...but I'm even cutting back on that....down from 25 pints a day to just 17. Um....I jest. I have definitely made a decision to drop the intake figures. It's all about the small steps. This is today. Who knows what will happen tomorrow? It's always about the detail for me...be it in food, love, writing, singing or even climbing trees. Tomorrow I weigh myself.


Barry Sayer

Get a dog.
Get a dog.

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Approximately 100 million pots of yoghurt and yoghurt drinks are sold each week...and approximately 9 million are thrown to the dustbin unopened....I know that I play my part in this. I throw about 11 per annum away. Fool. (there's a joke here somewhere)

cold chicken sandwich, 2 coffees, 2 teas, 1 diet coke, tin of beans and sausages, 2 satsumas, 2 bananas, mixed meat curry with special fried rice and prawn crackers
cold chicken sandwich, 2 coffees, 2 teas, 1 diet coke, tin of beans and sausages, 2 satsumas, 2 bananas, mixed meat curry with special fried rice and prawn crackers | Source

DAY SEVEN

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Approximately a quarter of all UK restaurants are in London.

Day Seven was pretty emotional...because I realised that I was kinda staying at the same weight...more or less. 91kg...so a slight drop...but not really enough...considering what I had cut out...so I got the exercise gear out and had some mini-work-outs whilst watching Coronation Street and Eastenders. I spread the time between exercise bike and twister board...and I used weights on both. Nothing too strenuous...but a moderate work-out. I'm remaining optimistic..because decrease is better than increase. Only time will tell....watch this space :)

Sam Crassweller

No sugar in tea. Avoid carbs. They are also slow burning sugars. Eat salads without dressings, NO GRAVY!
No sugar in tea. Avoid carbs. They are also slow burning sugars. Eat salads without dressings, NO GRAVY!

DAY EIGHT

I started day eight with a bowl of Weetabix...just 2 and a half biscuits...with milk and sugar. I figured this would stop me snacking...and it worked. Although I have been snacking it has primarily been with fruit and veg...but I realised that I was snacking for the sake of it. Having breakfast helped me with that. I'm not a regular breakfast eater...perhaps I will be in the future.

1 bowl of weetabix

2 coffees

2 teas

1 light choices prawn and mayo sandwich

1 banana

i prawn salad

1 satsuma

4 cans Strongbow

More cider at the pub....can't remember how many pints cos it was 7.4%

Clairey Cordrey-White

Quit drinking MILK - weight falls off me when I drop milk!! Amazing how much sugar and fat there is in it even when semi skimmed!! Its why dancers avoid milk according to my daughters dance school :) Clearly I like it toooo much tho so no staying pow
Quit drinking MILK - weight falls off me when I drop milk!! Amazing how much sugar and fat there is in it even when semi skimmed!! Its why dancers avoid milk according to my daughters dance school :) Clearly I like it toooo much tho so no staying pow

DAY NINE

I done okay today...even though I knew it was going to turn into a Cheat Day at around 9pm...when I was due at the pub...for the night before my day off. (always a drinking night) Because I knew it was going to end in copious amounts of Carlsberg Export...I was careful what I ate in the day.

1 apple

1 banana

2 small tomatoes

1 satsuma

1 500ml bottle of Ribena Light

2 slices of Yorkshire Ham

1 chilli chicken noodle salad

Lots of lager


I decided to try another song to work out to...when I got home drunk. This one is called Meeces 2...and it has a nice driving rhythm...great for shadow boxing and jogging on the spot

MEECES 2

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Over 50% of diners will avoid ordering a meal if they think they might pronounce it wrong. I'm definitely guilty of this. Kohirabi au Gratin anyone???

Matt Browning

dont eat!
dont eat!

DAY TEN

Hallelujah...I wasn't expecting too much...but when I weighed myself this morning I found that I have dropped below the 90kg stage. 88kg in fact...that's a significant improvement...considering I've not been in admirable dieting form. It shows that every small part of the process does help in the overall concern. It might seem a small decrease...over 10 days...but it's a step in the right direction.

I've not been brilliant with the cutbacks in food...but I have resisted a lot of things...including crisps, chocolate and burgers. I find it easier to resist these things...as the days roll on...and I am definitely having more considerate thoughts...even subconsciously...when picking what food to eat. The Unlucky Fried Kitten diet trundles as a juggernaut down the highway of self-improvement. Bring it on !!!!

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

You would have to walk the length of a football pitch to burn off the calories from eating a single m&m sweet......sod that

DAY TEN FOOD

SOME STRONGBOWS SOME LAGER 2 CHICKEN KIEVS WITH SPROUTS AND MASH
SOME STRONGBOWS SOME LAGER 2 CHICKEN KIEVS WITH SPROUTS AND MASH | Source

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

The British drink around 160 million cups of tea a day....just cut back on dunking the biscuits.

Brian Graves

Sod all this... i'm gonna carry on drinking beer & milk, eating with all the dressings, smoking, watching tv, letting someone else walk a dog, et al... I may well be a little overweight, but at least i'll be happy :)
Sod all this... i'm gonna carry on drinking beer & milk, eating with all the dressings, smoking, watching tv, letting someone else walk a dog, et al... I may well be a little overweight, but at least i'll be happy :)

The Unlucky Fried Kitten Diet

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

The British consume more than half the amount of all potato crisps sold in the whole of Europe...shame on us. Potato Puffs in the UK...is coming sometime and maybe.......

DAY ELEVEN

Back to work after a rest day...and a time to be really good...with the eating in the daytime...so I could have a treat in the evening.

Little and often with the daytime food.

1 clementine, 1 pink lady apple, 2 slices of ham, 1 light choices prawn layered salad, 1 banana, some Strongbow and a lovely expensive 750 calorie prestige spaghetti bolognese ready-meal

Tea and coffee in small amounts throughout the day

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

45% of coffee drinkers in the UK have it without sugar....one lump or two?

Tina Williams

Eat less and move around more - Simples!!!
Eat less and move around more - Simples!!!

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Blueberry juice boosts memory......I can't recall where I heard that...I wasn't eating a blueberry at the time

DAY TWELVE

It's been a strange few days because I've been fluctuating between 88kg and 90kg...how odd. It seems to be working though....albeit in small doses. So what should I be aiming at for my height? Well I am approx 5 foot 9 or 5ft 10....so let me see:

So I should be somewhere between 148lb and 163lb

1 stone = 14 pounds = 6.350 kilograms

So that tells me that I should really be weighing in at somewhere between 10 and a half stone and 11 and a half stone. However...that's for a medium build...and I doubt that I am a medium build. Looking at this chart...I would say that there's a whole load of people who are overweight. Easy.

Well....today I am 88kg....that's 193.6lb...which is just below 14stone. I guess that I should make it my goal to not go back over the 14stone mark.

Food today..........1 mushroom, 1 bacon sandwich with onions and ketchup, 1 pink lady apple, 1 satsuma, tea and coffee, lager, duck and king prawn curry with special fried rice

DAY TWELVE

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

The average weight of a woman in the UK is 10 stone 7 pounds....or 66.7 kilograms...but just don't tell her that ;-)

Stephen Paul Webster

Personaly, I can't eat on an empty stomach which is why I choose beer rather than solids
Personaly, I can't eat on an empty stomach which is why I choose beer rather than solids

ALICE GLASS...SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND

DAY THIRTEEN

Unlucky for some....day 13....almost 2 weeks. I've not lost a lot...but I've lost a little...so I'll keep going. I'll feed you the old chestnut about it being a marathon...not a sprint. (not sure that 'feed you' is the right phrase with regards to the subject matter)

I've decided to have a picture of Alice Glass for my food wall....well...she does have a wall behind her in the picture....and she's been inspiring me in an odd way over the past few days. Let me explain...before you think I'm being inappropriate...ha ha. I'm writing a musical called The Astonishing Tale of Archibald's Reaction to the Demise of Amy Winehouse. The premise is...as implicated in the title...the story of how an Amy Winehouse fan reacted to her death. In the tale...Archibald was shocked and saddened at Amy's passing...obviously...but he soon moved his attentions to Alice Glass who is the singer for electronica punk band Crystal Castles. Further on from that...when Florence and the Machine hit the #1 spot with album Ceremonials he moves on to idolise the singer Florence Welch. So there you have the plot....which shows that Archibald is a bit of a stalker. I wrote and recorded a song called Alice Glass...she's my best friend for the musical...stuck it on YouTube as a rough demo...and suddenly it's got over 2000 plays. It was mentioned in a website blog in the USA and suddenly I'm seen as a crazed fan writing a death-threaty song (their words) about Alice Glass. So...that's been buzzing around my head for 2 days...and I've been exercising to the song. It's got quite a fast guitar-line. The vocal is awful...just a rough take. I s'pose I should put it on here.

Alice Glass

Day 13 food wall
Day 13 food wall
Alice Glass
Alice Glass

As you can see from my food wall...I had a very good day...real healthy stuff...and then the evening turned over to a Cheat Evening...like I knew it was going to be...because I had been good all day. I have scrawled LAGER onto the wall...because I was tempted to go to the pub...BUT...I duly resisted...and I wanted to make it like a challenge...seeing that I'd kinda already resigned myself to it. Well...I DID NOT go to the pub...and I DID NOT drink lager. That makes me feel happy.

As far as exercise goes...I have been using the static bike...the twister board...and the weights. It's getting easier to shut my mind off and just 'cycle away' whilst watching the soaps on TV (sad, I know) and the twister board is easy to use. When on bike and board I invariably have dumbells in hand...to add to the work-out. Good stuff...getting there. :)

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

The average weight of a man in the UK is 12 stone 8 pounds....or 80 kilograms.....and I am getting there...lol

Sarah Cooke

Chew your food properly before swallowing this gives time for your stomach to be ready for whatever you're gonna chuck down there. Therefore improved digestion should have a knock on effect on weight as you'll be absorbing vitamins and minerals more
Chew your food properly before swallowing this gives time for your stomach to be ready for whatever you're gonna chuck down there. Therefore improved digestion should have a knock on effect on weight as you'll be absorbing vitamins and minerals more

DAY FOURTEEN

I'm adding a new layer to the regime...because I feel it's not been a vast improvement. That's not to say I'm unhappy with it thus far. Whilst I'm not exactly shedding the pounds at a rapid pace...I AM losing...and I figure it's not ALL about the weight anyway. It's about eating (slightly) healthier...and toning the body up. I definitely feel much better for it already.

The new layer? Tae-Kwondo...yep. I'm not about to go to classes and gyms...like I did for a spell in 2001/2002....I'm happy to run through the moves on my own...at home...in front of the TV

A few little work-outs here and there...daily kick-sequences. It's fun....forgot I could get my legs up so high...and the cats are looking at me in a new light.

My routine is a steady recurring sequence comprising of:

FRONT SNAP KICK

SIDE THRUSTING KICK

REVERSE TURNING KICK

HOOK KICK

SPINNING SIDE KICK

AXE KICK

CRESCENT KICK

I'm avoiding the ROUNDHOUSE and the JUMP-KICK....due to lack of room and lack of proper equipment.


FOOD TODAY:

1 clementine, 1 light choices chicken salad sandwich, 1 Muller lite Strawberry Yoghurt, 2 slices thin-cut pork, 1 chilli chicken noodle salad (only 195 calories) and an evening meal of 2 chicken kievs/sprouts/colcannon mash/onions/gravy

Tea and coffee occasionally

More evening exercise

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

16% of coffee drinkers in the UK have it black....which means that 84% have it with milk.

Helen Hellvira Patterson

I started feeling lousy about a year or so ago, and it turned out that I have IBS, and an intolerance to all things containing wheat, I had to cut all wheat and dairy and also can only eat tiny amounts. Can't eat any wheat! No pizza, no normal bread,
I started feeling lousy about a year or so ago, and it turned out that I have IBS, and an intolerance to all things containing wheat, I had to cut all wheat and dairy and also can only eat tiny amounts. Can't eat any wheat! No pizza, no normal bread,

Helen Hellvira Patterson

P.S I'm also a pescatarian, can't eat much so have to eat the odd little fish, due to the fact that lots of veggie foods, like Linda Mccartney's yummy pies contain things I can't eat...and due to the fact that I don't like to eat fish too much, even
P.S I'm also a pescatarian, can't eat much so have to eat the odd little fish, due to the fact that lots of veggie foods, like Linda Mccartney's yummy pies contain things I can't eat...and due to the fact that I don't like to eat fish too much, even

DAY FIFTEEN

Source

So....you can kinda see a pattern emerging. Alcohol. Yes...but when I list lager or cider as part of my food intake...it doesn't necessarily mean it is a huge amount. It could be one can of Strongbow...or one pint of Carlsberg Export. It could be more. Today...for this 15th day of the UFK diet....I snatched just a scrap of fruit and a scrimmage of veg for the daytime...cos I knew that the evening would be one of drink (no work next day)

I stepped up the exercise too....made the effort.

I have also began to look at other people's suggested diets...odd diets through the ages. Today I found out about the Andy Warhol Diet. I found out through my Los Angelean friend Cinammon (thank you dear) It's rather funny:

The Andy Warhol New York Diet (with thanks to my friend Cinammon...otherwise known as CC)

'When I order in a restaurant, I order everything that I don't want, so I have a lot to play around with it while everyone else eats. Then, no matter how chic the restaurant is, I insist that the waiter wrap the entire plate up like a to-go order, and after we leave the restaurant I find a little corner outside in the street to leave the plate in, because there are so many people in New York who live in the streets, with everything they own in shopping bags.

So I lose weight and stay trim, and I think that maybe one of those people will find a Grenouille dinner on the window ledge. But then, you never know, maybe they wouldn't like what I ordered as much as I didn't like it, and maybe they'd turn up their noses and look through the garbage for some half-eaten rye bread. You just never know with people. You just never know what they'll like, what you should do for them.'


A grand little dieting thought there...for my 15th day.

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in most regular bottles of real lemonade drink. Crikey !!!

Sue Tellsitlikeitis Ridge

Dance! (with the Devil, naturally)
Dance! (with the Devil, naturally)

DAY SIXTEEN

Source

A meagre list....but purely down to the fact that I was not working the next day...so I made some effort to exercise....and I had some alcohol...and I had a mixed meat curry with special fried rice.

TAPEWORM ME UP BEFORE YOU GO GO

Another Strange diet

So....here's the deal....you swallow a tapeworm which attaches itself to your intestinal tract...then you let it siphon off the nutrients from the food you eat...as you go about your everyday business. Proponents of the tapeworm plan claim the worm will help you lose 1 or 2 pounds a week

I'm not sure if you have to swallow another tapeworm to eat the old one...then another...then another...then another (okay...we get the point)

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

There is a giant mushroom in Oregon that is over 2,400 years old, covers 3.4 square miles of land, and is still growing! What an ommelette that would make !!!

Cinnamon Dianne Morgan

kickboxing. twice a day. and lots of walking. I lost all the weight I gained during pregnancy doing that and eating healthy foods as much as possible. and that was over 60 pounds ! so I guess I know a bit about it :)
kickboxing. twice a day. and lots of walking. I lost all the weight I gained during pregnancy doing that and eating healthy foods as much as possible. and that was over 60 pounds ! so I guess I know a bit about it :)

DAY SEVENTEEN

Source

one apple

one banana

some cider

a shish and kofte kebab


Not bad going for my day off. You have to enjoy what you eat...and I sure enjoyed the kebab. The cider was okay too.

Back to work in the morning so I know it will be back to the little and often approach...filling up throughout the day...but not with garbage-grub. I have been a garbage-gulper for far too long.

EDEN CALLING

ANOTHER SCREWY DIET....Fruitarianism

A subset of veganism, fruitarians eat nothing but fruits, nuts and seeds, without meat, vegetables or grain. Some fruitarians believe this was the original diet of Adam and Eve from the Bible, thinking that a return to the food of Eden will in turn lead to a perfect life. Don't eat that flaming apple!!!!!

DAY EIGHTEEN

Source

I took to the stage they call work...with my trusty plastic box of fruit. I ate wisely:

It was...once again...a day of being moderately good...snacky stuff...but good stuff...and I even selected a 'weightwatchers special' for my evening meal.

one apple, one banana, 2 slices of lean ham, a tuna nicoise salad, one clementine, a cod and prawn pie with baked beans (all low-fat), some Strongbow.

Tea and coffee throughout



STRANGE DIET AGAIN

THE SLEEPING BEAUTY DIET

YOU CAN'T EAT WHEN YOU ARE ASLEEP...SIMPLE AS THAT....AND PARTICIPANTS OF THE SLEEPING BEAUTY DIET SEDATE THEMSELVES VERY HEAVILY FOR MANY DAYS....THEY WAKE UP MUCH THINNER....HOW COOL. UNFORTUNATELY I WOULD SUGGEST THAT THERE ARE MANY HEALTH RISKS INVOLVED...BUT THE LOGIC IS THERE

DAY NINETEEN

2 slices lean country Ham
1 light choices turkey sandwich with cranberry sauce
2 bags of crisps
1 banana
1 clementine
Chicken and King Prawn with Chinese Mushrooms and Special Fried Rice
Some Kronenbourg 1664

Djay Buddah

Never eat on an empty Stomach..
Never eat on an empty Stomach..

Roya Rahmanzadeh

Leave 25% of everything you eat. Eat a big lunch and skip dinner so your body goes into fasting mode and takes fat for energy.
Leave 25% of everything you eat. Eat a big lunch and skip dinner so your body goes into fasting mode and takes fat for energy.

Jeremy Rowlingberg Rowling

it can be summed up easily. Eat less, move more.
it can be summed up easily. Eat less, move more.

Jeremy

if you eat a big lunch and skip dinner your body will panic and think you are stuck on a desert island and store any fat you had eaten earlier. Never skip a meal Just eat little and often
if you eat a big lunch and skip dinner your body will panic and think you are stuck on a desert island and store any fat you had eaten earlier. Never skip a meal Just eat little and often

DAY TWENTY

Tesco Light Choices Cauliflower Cheese
One portion of sprouts
Carlsberg Lager Session
Chicken & King Prawn Curry with Special Fried Rice

KINDA HOW I AM LOOKING RIGHT NOW

UFK tee-shirt made by Keira King
UFK tee-shirt made by Keira King

It might not look like a massive improvement...but within myself I can feel the difference

DAY TWENTY-ONE

One apple
One banana
Prawn pasta salad
Two slices of lean ham
One Muller Lite strawberry yoghurt

Chicken Kievs with garlic and butter mash and low-fat beans

Some Kronenbourg 1664

Roya

After around 12 hours no food your veins and arteries contract so your body can take fat from areas its stored in the past. So there.
After around 12 hours no food your veins and arteries contract so your body can take fat from areas its stored in the past. So there.

DAY TWENTY-TWO

one apple

six spicy mini meatballs

one small pork sausage wheel

one tuna nicoise salad

chicken kievs, butter mash and beans


Didi Bergman

Don't eat processed foods (it's full of chemical rubbish) eat organic if you can afford it, make everything from scratch, it's much nicer, always have a fruit bowl if you suffer from sweet tooth. Dance!!
Don't eat processed foods (it's full of chemical rubbish) eat organic if you can afford it, make everything from scratch, it's much nicer, always have a fruit bowl if you suffer from sweet tooth. Dance!!

Well....I am still teetering around that 88-90 kg mark...which is about right...considering the Chinese meals I am still devouring...and the lager and cider I am still drinking. I guess I'd be way down on 88kg if I cut the alcohol...but a man's gotta have some form of release. I still believe I'm on the right track though...just gotta stay positive and exercise a bit more.

Deano William Andrews

Andrew,it's simple math...eat less,exercise more....x All serious andy,it has to be sustainable,have a cheat day,something to look forward to or you will get so depressed you will give up,coz i train 5 days a week i have a cheat weekend,nothing too b
Andrew,it's simple math...eat less,exercise more....x All serious andy,it has to be sustainable,have a cheat day,something to look forward to or you will get so depressed you will give up,coz i train 5 days a week i have a cheat weekend,nothing too b

DAY TWENTY-THREE

light choices egg and cress sandwich, 2 slices of lean ham, 1 banana, 1 chicken noodle salad, 1 muller lite yoghurt, lager, tea, coffee, spag-bol and sprouts

Matt Browning

have a near fatal accident and get drip fed in hospital for 6 months.
have a near fatal accident and get drip fed in hospital for 6 months.

Deano

Or,alternatively,do that!!!^^^^^
Or,alternatively,do that!!!^^^^^

GO BANANAS !!!!!!

I did hear about this one crazy diet that swept Japan some years back. It amuses me...but I'll go with the 'don't knock it 'til you've tried it' principle...and give it a bash. I shall wait until Christmas is over...as I have a fair amount of scoffing to do over the festive period...though I shall try to up the ante on the exercise. Onto the crazy diet:
It was started in 2008 by a pharmacist looking to help her overweight husband, who subsequently lost 37 pounds and wrote about it on one of Japan’s most popular social networking sites.

The diet is simple: a banana and a glass of room temperature water for breakfast, whatever you like for lunch and dinner and bedtime before midnight.

A popularJapanese singer who appeared on television about the diet triggered a shortage of bananas across the country.

Well...I shall give it a go...but I will modify it a bit....to suit my needs. I can't do the 'bedtime before midnight' bit. There are just not enough hours in the day for me to get my chores done as it is. I shall aim for getting a little more sleep though...AND...I shall refrain from eating 'whatever I like' in the day. I shall still consciously steer clear of junk food. My prompt will be the banana acting as my conscience....sitting at my shoulder and saying STAY AWAY FROM THE CALORIES.
Awesome

DAY TWENTY-FOUR

LAGER

CIDER

MIXED CHOW MEIN

Derek Chandler

Hi Andy...Your probably like me...You love ya beer and you love ya grub and its very depressing to give it up...Well this is the sensible answer...You dont have to give up ether if your prepared to do more exercise...its all about getting rid of calo
Hi Andy...Your probably like me...You love ya beer and you love ya grub and its very depressing to give it up...Well this is the sensible answer...You don't have to give up ether if your prepared to do more exercise...its all about getting rid of calo

Paul Johnson

If you feel like exercise-------------lay down till the feeling passes
If you feel like exercise-------------lay down till the feeling passes

DAY TWENTY-FIVE

BOMBAY POTS, SATSUMA, DIET PEPSI, BANANA, HOT AND SPICY MEATBALLS, HAM SLICES, APPLE, YOGHURT, CIDER, MINCED BEEF AND POTATOES

Penny Royal-Noir

Always leave something on the plate...eat because you enjoy it...savour it...and stop if you are just filling your face for the sake of it. Eat consciously...don't just shovel it down whilst watching tv or reading the newspaper. x
Always leave something on the plate...eat because you enjoy it...savour it...and stop if you are just filling your face for the sake of it. Eat consciously...don't just shovel it down whilst watching tv or reading the newspaper. x

DAY TWENTY-SIX

weetabix, banana, apple, two sage & onion balls in bacon, low-fat cheese and ham sandwich, mixed-meat curry and rice

Steve Horwood

I lost weight by suddenly developing Diabetes type 2. Try that, lol!
I lost weight by suddenly developing Diabetes type 2. Try that, lol!

DAY TWENTY-SEVEN

CURRY LEFT-OVERS FROM LAST NIGHT, MARS BAR, BAG OF CRISPS (bit of a cheat day)

Cider

chicken and king prawn with mixed vegetables

african tiger prawns in batter

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT

TWO SLICES OF HAM

ONE VERY TINY SAUSAGE-ROLL

A LOW FAT PRAWN MAYO SANDWICH

SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE READY-MEAL

A FEW CANS OF STRONGBOW

CHILLI CHICKEN NOODLE SALAD

DAY TWENTY-NINE

COD & CHIPS

CIDER

CHICKEN & KING PRAWN CURRY WITH BOILED RICE

BREAKING UP FOR CHRISTMAS

I don't get much time off for Christmas....but here it starts...for FOUR days.

I have a few days now....of eating and drinking and...probably...vomiting it back up

I return to work on Boxing Day...when I shall resume my plan...but with a better...more vigorous effort

I'll be back !!!

(probably with a few tales of debauched eating highlighted)

CONFUCIOUS

Christmas Eve is the best night of the year for me....as far as food goes...because a group of us (me and some of my Chinese friends) generally go to a restaurant called Confucious in Chatham High Street.

Confucious, a Chinese restaurant in Chatham, specialises in Chinese and Oriental cuisine. For reservations, opening times and any other information please phone Confucious on 01634 817867 or visit them at 342 High Street.

There ya go....a little plug for a wonderful place. We take over a couple of the rooms at the back...and we dine in our own little area. My friend, Yin, sources all the food himself from London and it is fresh on the day. Spoiled rotten? Yeah....of course. I'm not concerned about over-eating...because I am still happy to bang on about the principle that if you are really enjoying the food....and savoring every mouthful....and eating it lovingly....it won't make you fat. It's only when we shovel it in without thinking about it that the damage starts. You may scoff.....but you may scoff. (I hope you see what I did there?)

Eat food with kindness and it will work in all the right ways. How many times have I seen people eating for the sake of it....food tumbling out of their mouths as they cram it back in? Drunk dining. Remember the notorious David Hasselhoff clip.....with the alcohol and the cheeseburger? It's a perfect example. Eat like that all the time and you WILL get fat.

On May 3, 2007, a home movie clip of drunk David Hosselhoff eating a cheeseburger surfaced on YouTube. It was taken by his daughter Taylor Ann, who’s also featured in the video as she tries to make her father quit drinking before the upcoming Las Vegas show “The Producers.”

So....tonight...Christmas Eve...I shall be diving into a pool of fabulous food.....and I shall be sharing some photographs of the event. Good food should be celebrated. It certainly will be by me....tonight. Bring it on.

CONFUCIOUS CHATHAM

According to tradition, Confucius was born in 551 B.C. According to my wristwatch we arrived at the restaurant at 22.27.

One of the deepest teachings of Confucius may have been the superiority of personal exemplification over explicit rules of behaviour. One of the deepest teachings of Unlucky Fried Kitten is....feed me if I am hungry

The works of Confucius were translated into European languages through the agency of Jesuit scholars stationed in China. The works of Unlucky Fried Kitten are just that little bit more important

STEAMED CANADIAN CRAB IN CHINESE WINE

The succulent taste of the Canadian Crab in Chinese Wine can't be described on paper....,which is fine really....seeing that I am here in digital land. How can I describe it....without saying it had the taste of cod that had progressed through University....or had been to a finishing-school in Switzerland.

POACHED KING PRAWNS

Poached King Prawns with Chilli Soy Sauce.....pretty damn amazing really.

STEAMED RAZOR CLAMS

STEAMED RAZOR CLAMS

Razor clams are seldom seen on menus or in shops or fishmongers. But they are so delicious...you actually get a huge chunk of flesh from each one rather than the minuscule pickings from their lesser cousins. So tasty.

LOBSTER WITH GINGER AND SPRING ONION

LOBSTER

LOBSTER

Lobster with ginger and spring onions.
Perhaps the most popular lobster dish amongst Chinese diners. The frangible flavours of ginger and spring onions compliments the mouthwatering texture of the lobster.

CLAMS IN BLACK BEAN SAUCE

The word "clam" has given rise to the metaphor "clam up", meaning to refuse to talk or answer, based on the clam behavior of quickly closing its shell when threatened. I'm saying no more.

HALF WAY THROUGH

It's been a wonderful meal so far. I dare not weigh myself tomorrow.....but I'm not complaining....and I am still savoring every morsel.

AND WE MADE A HUMMER OUT OF LEGO

MY FRIENDS....TING TING ON NEAR LEFT :)

FRIENDS

STEAMED TURBOT

Although I'm not the greatest lover of fish I did immensely enjoy the delicate taste of the firm white flesh of the turbot tonight. Very nice indeed.

ROASTED QUAIL

I was pretty much filling up by this time....but I still managed to scoff a couple of portions of quail.

BELLY PORK WITH CHINESE VEGETABLES

Probably the most fattening item on the menu tonight....belly pork is a boneless cut of fatty meat derived from the belly of a pig....obviously. This cut of meat is enormously popular in Chinese cuisine...and it goes down a treat in the world of Unlucky Fried Kitten....thank you very much :)

BELLY PORK

CHINESE BROCCOLI IN GINGER SAUCE

It is Chinese.....and it is Broccoli.....there's not much more to be said.

ALMOST DONE

And there you have it....an evening of eating and being with lovely people and a few weeks of getting back on track with the diet. :)

Big thanks to my friends tonight....including Yin, Ting Ting, Salvo, Kiki, Stan, Sonya, Lol and all the others :)x

CHRISTMAS DAY

I almost stayed at home today...to have a day off the food....but Christmas Dinner at my sister's house beckoned and I spent a fabulous day with Isla (sister) and Ashley (her partner) and KK (my neice) and my Mum and Dad. We had a lovely meal....all the usual Christmas Fayre...beginning with an extremely luscious Prawn Cocktail.

Christmas Dinner varies traditionally from country to country.....I enjoyed Christmas and New Year in Bavaria in 95/96 and specifically enjoyed roast carp and trout with roast potatoes and various types of cabbages and sprouts....and pretty bad comedy on the television (Grundig) Sweets and Christmas pastries and spice bars were pretty much compulsive too....washed down with Brandy and Lager.

I spent Christmas 93/94 in the Netherlands....which is another kind of Christmas Dinner again....where the host prepares chopped vegetables and an assortment of meat and fish and seafood...and the diners cook their own chosen food in their own little pans. That's how we done it anyway. I'm certain it must have been representative of Dutch convention as regards to Christmas Cuisine.

Here we were today...in England....Kent....blindly following the tried and tested custom of turkey with lamb and beef....with sprouts and parsnips and various forms of potatoes. In the UK dinner usually consists of roast turkey....but most people chuck a load of other meats into the mix now...to give variety and choice...especially as not everyone is a fan of turkey. So that's where we were in the grands scheme of Christmas Eating.

I'm pretty pleased that I have managed to have two great evenings of dining.....two lovely meals from contrasting cultures....and without having to feel the need to sluice them down with alcohol. I had a few pints of lager with my Christmas Eve meal at Confucious...but I didn't touch a drop with the Christmas Day meal with my family. As I have said before....it is important to savor the meal....to relish it with zest if it is going to work with you rather than against you.

Roast Dinner

I tried to keep to a small-ish portion....and I guess I had to be cautious because I was still quite timbered up from last night's meal....but I did manage to eat it all...and I did keep helping myself to more throughout the meal

Mum and Dad

KK

The Consequence

I even took some of the food home from the serving-bowls...to eat whilst feasting myself in another way...on the Christmas Day editions of Coronation Street and Eastenders.

So it's all back up and running....healthy approach....conscious eating....animation....movement....and a few more ideas to put to the test.

Boxing Day....and back to work

I weighed myself before my day began at the workhouse

88kg again....not too bad....and I know I'll soon be back to 85kg.

BOXING DAY

It was a good day for me...and a bad day....for different reasons. In some ways I done well....and I felt very positive....but there were feelings of negativity too. Ah well....I have to take it one day at a time...and I didn't go glut....not exactly. I started with a banana at breakfast and a glass of water...room temperature....which was always my plan. At around midday I had a ham sandwich....just ham...at about 240 calories....and a prawn and pasta salad...about 240 calories. Another banana at about 5pm....and I was still doing well. Although I had about 6 cans of Strongbow in the evening I wasn't too upset....it was....after all....Boxing Day. Late on though....I ate a Cod and Prawn Cumberland Pie and half a box (approx 125g) of Thorntons Moments. Okay....the Pie was Light Choices....only 400 calories....but it did leave me feeling bloated. The Thornton chocs....ah well....it's still Christmas. Overall....not so bad....but for some reason I felt disconsolate about the whole day. Tomorrow is another day though....and I aim to carry on regardless.

As an aside....I did have one friend called Ola who would swear by eating lots of chocolate. She argued that when she ate chocolate it gave her energy...which gave her that extra impetus to move around...and in turn burn off the calories. I'll take that.

TUESDAY 27th

A YELLOW BANANA

SIX ROUND HOT DELICIOUS SPICY MEATBALLS

A LOW-FAT CHICKEN SALAD SANDWICH

TWO TASTY SLICES of LEAN COUNTRY HAM

ANOTHER YELLOW BANANA

A LOW FAT RASPBERRY MULLER RICE

SOME APPLE-LADEN STRONGBOW

A TUNA SALAD


WEDNESDAY 28TH

banana, chicken shish kebab, banana, strongbow, king prawn and chicken curry with boiled rice
banana, chicken shish kebab, banana, strongbow, king prawn and chicken curry with boiled rice

THURSDAY 29TH

BANANA, SLICE OF ROAST HAM, STRONGBOW, LOW-CALORIE CHICKEN AND BROCCOLI PIE

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

In one day, some 4000 children and teenagers take up smoking.....now that is NOT clever

ANOTHER STRANGE DIET

The Paleolithic diet...otherwise known as the caveman diet is a nutritional plan based on what us humans ate about 2 and a half million years ago.....animals and fish and plants. The reckoning is that eating all this pre-agriculture food is much healthier as there are no additives and food diseases. It's also known as the hunter-gatherer diet. Jamie Oliver in a cave....sounds good to me

FRIDAY 30TH

A BANANA....A HAM SANDWICH WITH MUSTARD....A LOW FAT APPLE MULLER RICE....A MIXED-MEAT CURRY WITH SPECIAL FRIED RICE

UFK FOOD & FITNESS FACT

Underwater swimming is the only time you should hold your breathe while exercising....I highly recommend not breathing underwater ;-)

NEW YEAR'S EVE

one banana, one light choices egg and cress sandwich, one chicken cous cous with butternut squash, chicken and king prawn with mixed veg, sweet and sour king prawn ballss, Strongbow, Baileys, crisps, crisps

NEW YEAR'S DAY

a snickers bar

a scotch egg

a light choices ham and cheese sandwich

a banana

a small chicken kebab

one of Danielle's mum's bat-cakes xxxx

JANUARY 2nd 2012

When you take a brief look at my Wall of Food for today...it does look rather tempting....and temptation usually goes hand in hand with failure...curling it's chubby little fingers around what might well be there for the taking. Well...it's not as bad as it seems:

a banana, a pink lady apple, a prawn layered salad, 4 orange and rosemary ham slices, chicken and king prawns in Schezuan Sauce, sweet and sour king prawn balls in batter and a small portion of salmon sushi.

Damn....that does look to be a lot...and then you have to add tea and coffee...and 4 cans of Strongbow. My excuse? I was very low...at home on my own...and in need of a bit of comfort food. I still don't feel toooooo bad....cos I had a bit of a work-out on the twister disc...with the weights...as I watched the morbity and sentimentality surrounding Pat's death on EastEnders. (relevant fact: her nickname was Fat Pat)

I feel okay...if not a bit down. Life can be a strange creature....I felt in such fine spirit yesterday...in my new trousers and my Christmas Jumper...discussing a new filming project with a new acting and film production collaborator. We both agreed that yesterday was a majestic start to the new year. Today came up and punched me hard in the mouth...loosened 4 teeth and split my lip...and I am now faced with a rebuild scheme for tomorrow.

A MENTION TO A FRIEND (below)

I'd like to mention here...that a young friend of mine sent a message to me yesterday to say:

I have been reading your weight losing blog and it's really good! i am thinking of maybe doing the same thing on my tumblr. like a little diary kinda thing. :) xxx

Well...I am very pleased to have made a little impression....not that she needs my inspiration....she is an amazing girl herself...very clued-up about things. Well...I have read her first 2 food diary days....she just listed her food intake....and if you compare her diet to mine you'll notice a stark contrast. Without wishing to promote unhealthy eating...verging on anorexia or near-starvation....I wish I had her willpower. I would be concerned about her....but it's not my place to be...and it's her own life. I believe there's a self-destruct button there for sure....but she is a genius (the truth actually) and the ingenuous flair of genius rather too often goes hand in hand with a huge dosage of involuntary self-slaughter. So...in a way...all hail that self-destruct button...cos it would be a crime to trade it out with a pact meaning she would forfeit her originality. Here's her first 2 days:


FOOD DIARY 1st January

Right. I am starting a food diary.

i need to keep an eye on my weight as it is rocketing up and down all the time. + now i am a vegetarian too. so yeah, let’s start:

today:

  • Chocolate milkshake.
  • Chips.
  • Bread and ketchup.

Food Diary 2nd January

  • 2 crumpets with marmite.
  • half a slice of toast with marmite.
  • homemade butternut squash soup
  • jelly tots.

also weighed myself today and am currently at 7 stone 2 pounds. which isn’t great, but that is my christmas weight. will get better soon.



So there you have it...imagine if I myself could keep to that discipline. :)



See ya tomorrow FOOD-FIGHTERS :)

JANUARY 3RD 2012

2 weetabix...with water and a sprinkle of sugar

2 bananas

1 low-fat muller rice

1 tin low fat baked beans

1 bag cheese and onion crisps

a chicken and kofte kebab

JANUARY 4TH 2012

LIGHT CHOICES PRAWN MAYO SANDWICH, BANANA, MINCE PIE, MINCED BEEF AND POTATOES (200 cal meal), PORTION OF SPROUTS, LAGER AND CIDER

and here's your sprouts and mince beef and tats

The Belvedere Hotel

inspiration for a new novel...which will see me scribbling away by candlelight at all hours...leaving me little...or no...time to eat
inspiration for a new novel...which will see me scribbling away by candlelight at all hours...leaving me little...or no...time to eat | Source

JANUARY 5th 2012

Nothing at all, That's right. I ate nothing...because I was too busy. I have decided to write a new novel called The Belvedere Hotel...based on my song The Horror at the Belvedere Hotel. My friend, Jason Clarke, took this photograph and uploaded it to FaceBook. As soon as I saw it I decided that I have to write a horror story...because the photo is crying out to be a book cover. Let the writing commence. Let me sit in the half-dark all night...too busy to scoff myself silly. Thank you Jason...for the inspiration

...and here's the opening paragraphs to the new book....

Small girl...Mary-Jane...from the village. One eye bigger than the other...dad's got a wooden hand...but that's irrelevant...not even remotely pertinent to the story. She slips on the moss on the steps to the door of The Belvedere Hotel...and winds up sprawled across the indignant rockery like a Goth Bambi flung against a remote jagged cliff-face on the south coast of some God-forsaken hostile country in coldest Europe. Something like that.

Her hands bleed slowly as the butler with the nose like a billhook carries her through the winding hallway and into the kitchen.

'Here's your work experience girl' he growls at the anorexic chef

'A bit late...and a bit damaged...but it's a start'

The Horror at the Belvedere Hotel

THE ART OF SUGAR REDUCTION

The Art of Sugar Reduction
One of my standard jokes...when asked how many sugars I take in tea...was always 'Ooohh...74 grains please' the joke being that surely nobody could be that precise about their sugar preference...and surely nobody would then count out precisely 74 grains. Yea...I can be pretty hilarious at times.
(although this DOES remind me of a similar tale of sugar-in-tea escapades involving my dear friend Tanya Baines...which I shall tell you about in a minute)
So...counting sugar by the grain is pretty much an accurate thing these days. Up until the advent of my new diet regime I would have half a sugar in my tea/coffee...and quite often people at work would get it wrong and stick a whole spoonful in. I would still drink it. I have now cut down to a bare minimum....in fact...I often have it without. When I do have sugar though....to take that edge off it...I just dip the tip of a wet teaspoon in the sugar bowl and that goes into my coffee. I could indeed count the grains. If someone makes me a cup with half a sugar I have trouble drinking it. If someone makes me a cup with a whole sugar I simply spontaneously combust. What I'm trying to say is....it doesn't take long to adjust...and it's all about forming new habits and changing old perceptions. It goes far beyond how many sugars you have in your tea. It works with all food reduction.
Onto the funny sugar-in-tea story...and ladies and gentlemen...I give you Tanya Baines. Picture the scene...it's her first day at work and she's eager to impress....so she offers to make the tea.
'How many sugars, Andy?'
'Ah....just a level spoonful, please Tanz'
(can you see what's coming here?)
A kettle boils in a far-off kitchen. Minutes pass...like...well....minutes. There's a clatter of stainless steel on china. A brunette carries a tray of hot crockery. My face crumples as I ingest the first slurp. I am kinda drinking neat sugar. Oh yes....ELEVEN spoonfuls of sugar. Gotta love that Tanya. At what point...whilst shovelling the sugar in...did she not question the amount? 7...8...9....did she not think this was a little excessive? If I did like my tea extremely sweet and sickly...would there not be an argument for me to stop at 10? 10 sugars....Hmmmm...not quite sweet enough....try another one. That's it....11...perfect. Now let me just fish my teeth out of the mug.

JANUARY 6th 2012

Chicken and Kofte Kebab
Banana
Tandoori Chicken Sandwich
6 mini meatballs
Bag of cheese & onion Discos (x2)
4 slices orange and Rosemary ham

chicken breasts with mash potato and mixed veg (chicken done in the steamer)

JANUARY 7TH 2012

BANANA, DISCOS CRISPS, TESCO 6 ITEM BREAKFAST,(beans tomatoes bacon sausage egg toast), Yorkie Bar, Mixed Meat Curry with Special Fried Rice

Oh yes....I'm looking at a cheat day...for sure...but it still doesn't concern me. I'll probably have a cheat weekend....cos I am going through a tender time at the moment. There has to be a balance when you are feeling kinda lost...which is my problem at the moment. It'll be okay...but I still have the here-and-now to get through.

JANUARY 8th...SUNDAY 2012

banana

crisps

ham sandwiches with mustard

sprout sandwiches (yep)

chinese takeaway

Strongbow

Baileys

Sprout Sandwiches

Source

Sprout sandwiches are absolutely divine...especially if the bread is very fresh....the butter is very golden...and the sprouts are very precisely cooked somewhere between crunchy and tender. Season to taste....always x

JANUARY 9TH 2012

BANANA, PORK CHOPS, NEW POTATOES, LEEKS AND ONION, PRAWN MAYO SANDWICH, CHICKEN SANDWICH, CHEESE AND ONION SANDWICH

JANUARY 10TH 2012

PORK CHOPS, NEW POTATOES, ONION, CHEESE

ONE SLICE CHEESE ON TOAST, ONE SLICE PEANUT BUTTER ON TOAST, ONE APPLE, TWO SLICES HAM, JUMBO SAUSAGE, MULLER RICE APPLE, TUNA AND CUE SANDWICH

JANUARY 11TH 2012

MCDONALDS DOUBLE SAUSAGE AND EGG MCMUFFIN MEAL, PKT DISCOS, BANANA, SIX SPICY MEATBALLS, TWO SLICES COUNTRY HAM

JANUARY 12TH 2012

It is never a great day for my diet regime when I am off work...on my day off...cos it is so easy to sit around scoffing food and vegetating on FaceBook.

I think I didn't do tooooo bad though...well...until about just before midnight when I got the munchies and had to raid the Tesco garage down the road. Ah well.

SMALL VEGETABLE CURRY (lt choices)

CHICKEN AND KING PRAWN CURRY WITH RICE

STRONGBOW

CARLSBERG EXPORT

BACON SANDWICHES

HALF A STRAWBERRY TRIFLE

JANUARY 13TH.....FRIDAY 13TH....2012

FRANKFURTER SANDWICHES

BANANA

LIGHT CHOICES MINCED BEEF AND POTATOES

CAULIFLOWER CHEESE

HALF A STRAWBERRY TRIFLE

TWO SLICES CHEESE AND ONION ON TOAST

BLOG POSTPONED...SORRY...MAJOR SETBACK :(

A RETURN TO THE PLAN 16th February

As you can see from my subsequent post....a notification of postponement of my healthy eating and fitness plan...the whole thing came to a grinding halt on January the 13th....which was a Friday. Friday the 13th. Uncomfortably appropriate. I have had a bit of a rough time in the past month...losing a family member (and although we had not been too close of late.....due to distance in miles I mean....it reminded me of my loss 15 months ago...of my wife, Rio)

I've been rather unsure of my own role in life for a long time now....starting to wonder what's going to happen when I go...who's going to be around to pick up the pieces? Hmmmm....I'll not dwell on that for now.

I am back to work tomorrow...after a week off (annual leave btw...not been skiving) and I aim to bounce back....with vigour.

I just weighed myself for the first time in just over a month.

94 kg.....isn't that back to where I started?

Okay.....I can do this.....just watch me. It's important to see things as they really are...how a lot of people really do struggle to control their weight...and how they do seem to be fighting a constant battle against procrastination as far as exercise is concerned. I'm hoping that somebody will be reading this (still) and they might be thinking:

'Well...if he can do it....then so can I ?'

Most of us are strugglers in this field. There's no easy way through it...but I'll try.

Eating Disorder? You decide

If you've read this hub from the start you will know that I featured a few small snippets from a persons Food Diary which she had displayed on her Tumblr blog. I'm coming back to this point because I would like to interview people who have a connection to food...healthy eating...unhealthy eating...food science etc.

Today I am interviewing....'Miss Tumblr Anonymous'

I don't pretend to know exactly what she is going through...maybe she sees no problem in what she is experiencing? Perhaps...however...she DOES realise that she has a problem...if indeed there is one? This is why I am interviewing her...to find out how SHE feels about her OWN situation. I have asked her to answer the questions with extreme accuracy...even if the answer might not be what she would like others to hear.
When a person has an engrossment to eat...or not to eat...a drive that has a detrimental effect on his/her mental and physical health...he/she very likely has an eating disorder. The two most common types of eating disorders are Anorexia Nervosa and Bulimia Nervosa.
That's about all I need to know...in order to ask the questions with the artlessness and frankness which I am aiming for.


MISS TUMBLR ANONYMOUS


1) Would you say that you have an eating disorder...and if you do...do you have anorexia?

No, i don't think Ii have an eating disorder. I am on a personal mission for myself.


2) Do you ever make yourself sick?

I have made myself sick a couple of times, only at like christmas though.


3) Do you ever take weight-loss pills?

Not proper weight loss pills, but I often take laxatives. they make me feel horrible though.


4) Do you have role-models who are very skinny...and if you do...do you consciously seek out skinny role-models?

Yeah, my biggest role model is Alice Glass - who is very skinny. she is beautiful. Amy Winehouse is also a big role model of mine. I am so jealous of her skinny legs. Her boob job also looked great with her tiny frame.


5) Do any of your friends ever comment on how thin you are?

Yeah many do, especially recently. i have been wearing more layers so people don't ask as much.


6) Do you believe that this is just a phase you are going through...and that you will come out of it?

Once I get to a desired weight, then yes Ii will stop.


7) At what age do you EXPECT to DIE if you carry on starving yourself like this?

Dying is not something that worries me at all. i do plenty other things that will kill me before 'starving' myself...but yeah, dying is just a standard part of life. I am not scared or worried about it. I just live for the time being.


8) What weight do you need to drop to before you face the fact that you are 'dangerously underweight' ?

Approximately 5 stone, i think. i would like to get to 5 and a half stone, that would be my ideal weight.


9) Some very intelligent people have died as a result of an eating disorder. Why do YOU think this is? Surely...if they are intelligent...they would recognise the danger?

Everything is dangerous and can kill you. You don't think about that... you think about just getting rid of the weight.


10) Do you feel that getting thinner is an addiction?

Yeah...it's definitely an addiction. it just takes you over and you think about it all the time.


11) You are clearly an intelligent person (I have read the ruminations on your blog)You must be smart enough to see a bad pattern in your own behaviour. With that in mind...are you actually scared of what might happen to you?

No, as i said earlier, i am not worried about the consequences.I am not worried about my own well-being...it is something that will make me happy when i get to my desired weight.


12) Is there an element of attention-seeking to your behaviour...or even a way of showing people that YOU are in control?

No, it's more a way of showing myself that I am in control... and not attention seeking either. I cover myself up a lot more recently and wear layers. I don't like talking about it to people.


13) Are you intrinsically a lonely person?

I prefer to be alone than with others. Being with many people at once gives me anxiety attacks


14) Can you pinpoint an age...or a time...when you thought...I really want to be skinnier? (bearing in mind you have always been a slim girl...according to your blog)

Probably when i was about 15. I don't know what caused it. I just hated looking at myself in the mirror when there I knew there was something I could do to make it better.


15) Do you think that you look nicer now than you did...say...three years ago?

Yeah, a few years ago I had put quite a lot of weight on and it didn't look good at all as I am very short.


16) Do you ever think that you look ghastly?

,I always think I look fucking horrible.


17) Do you feel you want to shock people?

No...I don't want to shock people. As I said, I try to cover it up as much as possible.


18) Does your partner encourage you or discourage you...when you express a desire to lose more weight?

My partner tries to stop me...but he knows I won't listen and it encourages me more.


19) Where do YOU think your story will end?

I don't think about that.


20) Do you hide things from family...like...pretend that you are eating more?

Yeah of course...with the laxatives...I can eat a normal meal with my family and I will feel okay.


21) What do you love about yourself?

I love my determination.

22) What do you hate about yourself?

I am indifferent to myself. i used to hate myself but it takes too much.


23) Have you ever felt that you were overweight?

i always feel I am overweight.


24) If you recognised the same behaviour emerging in your younger sister...would you do anything about it?

There is nothing you can do...when people try to stop you it makes me want to do it more.


25) Have you ever passed out through lack of food?

Only twice.


26) Do you have hunger pangs?

Yeah really bad ones.


27) If you could go back in time and NOT have an eating disorder...would you?

I don't have an eating disorder...and no I wouldn't want to look better.


28) Do you tell lies to avoid family meals or social eating functions?

No, i just take more laxatives.


29) Have you any words of advice for anyone...male or female...who might be immersed in an eating disorder?

I don't know. I can't give advice on something I have no experience on.


30) Anorexia has the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric disorder...from medical complications associated with the illness as well as suicide. My final question? Do you have enough belief and pride in yourself...to want to fight this disorder? (or to avoid falling into it's outstretched arms...if you feel you're NOT anorexic)

To be honest with you...no i don't. I don't believe.



Thank you for your honesty Miss Tumblr Anon
If your honesty helps just ONE person then it will be valuable in itself

Here we go again....a return to the program after a 4 and a half month break. I had things to get through...and had to abandon the plan...but...after shaking off the demons...I have returned.

It's kinda turned out not how I expected it to...but isn't that how all great plans turn out if you let them flounder?

I have been prompted to begin all over again....and this time I am going for the no-carbs approach...or...at the very least...the LOW-carbs approach. Last night I had chicken fillets done in the steamer with onions and spinach. I dropped the potatoes...and I still ended up stuffed. It made me think 'Hey...I just don't need the potatoes' and in turn 'I don't need the other allies of the potato...namely...rice, pasta and bread.'

That's why I'm starting again...so that I can test myself.

I've put on about a stone over the past 4 and a half months...which isn't too bad...considering I've eaten whatever the Hell I wanted to. I aim to avoid all of the aforementioned foes...for the whole of July. Can I do it? Watch this space!

I had a health scare...I had an emotional trauma...but now I'm back on track.

Today I had 2 small pork chops from Rooks....a small dish of mixed-salad from Morrisons...a slice of ham from a pig...and some chicken fillets with spinach.

Spinach is my new God. I worship it.

July 2012 begins on Sunday....the day after tomorrow...and if I can come back here each day to honestly report that none of the nasty enemies of the low-carb diet have passed my lips...throughout the month...then I can call it success.

I'll keep you in the loop x

Christmas Eve 2012

Well.....here I am again...back on it. A year down the line...and I'm back at the original weight of 15 and a half stone.

Marvellous

Okay....so I'm back with a vengeance and I'm determined to take control again. I'll get through the Christmas Day barrier....and then it's back onto a healthy eating routine with a step-up on the exercising.

My first aim is to cut out CHOCOLATE and CRISPS and FIZZY DRINKS.

I'll also cut back on the junk food. Sure...I'll have a burger now and then....and some Chinese food....but I'll make an effort to seek out the least damaging option.

So....how am I going to stop myself reaching for the chocolate bar as I wait in line to pay for my fuel at the filling station (q.mark)

The crisps.....how am I going to turn those Grab-Bags into Ignore-Bags (q.mark)

How am I going to fight off the urge to guzzle fizzy-pop in times of emotional self-abandonment (q.mark)

Well.....since you ask....I'm going to play some mind-games....and condition my thoughts in the same way that the advertisers condition my thoughts to consume these things.

Retaliatory Conditioning.

Bring it on.


The Chocolate Bar

I'm eating the chocolate...I'm putting on weight

I am changing my body-shape to a shape that I hate

I'm scoffing like crazy...so greedy and quick

Clogging my arteries and making me sick

A mouthful of chocolate is a hearftful of pain

Polluting my bloodstream with chocolate again

I'm eating so quickly and my heart-rate is higher

Filling my body with sickly desire


The Potato Crisp

With every crisp...that I swallow

Congestion looms and calories follow

As I fill up with negative lard

I feel my arteries going hard

The carbohydrates deeply fried

Turn to glue when the oil is dried

I stuff my face and I gasp for breath

As I eat myself closer to an early death

The salt is vile...the crisp is coated

Potato, oil and salt, I'm bloated

The Fizzy Drink

As I guzzle on the syrup I am struggling for breath

I am soaking up the chemicals and drinking to the death

I am gagging on the bubbles and I'm choking on the gas

As my body changes quickly into something of a mass

I hiccup and I splutter and my throat can't stand the pain

As I gulp down all the calories and put on weight again

Weight-Loss Poll

What is the best way to lose weight

  • A controlled diet
  • Plenty of exercise
  • A combination of the two
See results without voting

NOTE FROM ANDY (AUTHOR)

IF YOU LIKE THIS ARTICLE OR FOUND IT USEFUL OR ENTERTAINING IN ANY WAY WOULD YOU PLEASE SHARE IT FOR OTHERS TO SEE...AND PLEASE MAKE A COMMENT BELOW TO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT....GOOD OR BAD


I would love to hear your thoughts on this article...so if you have any opinions to offer...or experiences or examples to share...please put them in the 'comments ' section below.


Perhaps you have your own story to tell ?

What do you think ?

How do you feel ?

What is your opinion ?

Are you working on something similar ?


I will respond to all comments and I look forward to hearing from you


Thank You


Andy

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